After my first pregnancy, there were certain things I did in each subsequent pregnancy. For example, shortly after getting a positive pregnancy test, I would give the toilets and the floor around the toilets a thorough, thorough cleaning. It wasn’t pessimism: I wasn’t saying I WOULD FOR SURE soon be barfing at a whiff of Paul’s towel or a taste of raisin. I was just saying that the LAST time taught me that if I WERE to be throwing up for the next couple of months, it was nice to start with a shining clean toilet lingeringly scented with bleach, rather than the alternative; and it was nice not to have to have the toilet-cleaning chore on my list when I was exhausted and queasy. And if this pregnancy were different, if I never threw up, if I floated through without wishing an anvil would fall on my head to stop the constant, constant nausea? Well, then, no one ever thought, “Boy, I wish the toilet were grubbier.”
It is less than a week until the U.S. presidential election, and I remember last time. So there are certain things I’m doing this time. After a week of flopping despondency (I’d thought I’d get ahead on Christmas shopping, but it turned out no), I’m feeling a surge of restless energy, so I’m using some of it to get caught up on and/or ahead on cleaning. Maybe in a week or two I’ll have plenty of mood available for merrily cleaning the shower, humming an optimistic little tune. But if not. If not, then I won’t mind that the shower has already been cleaned and I don’t have to do it for awhile. And if it’s the humming-merrily version of reality, I’m not going to think, “Darn it, I wish I hadn’t cleaned the shower! I want to do it NOW!”
I am going to go grocery shopping and I’m going to get two cartloads. Not just to stock up in case of the armed and violent protests threatened by our current president’s supporters if he is not re-elected, but also because in the reality where things go a different way and I don’t have to worry about armed and violent protests, I am not going to feel like weeping my way through the grocery store, holding my breath as I change my damp mask every few aisles.
Last time, the day after the election (this year we likely won’t know so soon), Paul and I ate nothing all day. We didn’t talk, except the talking we had to do with the kids, and to make sure we didn’t duplicate the donations we were making to various organizations. At bedtime we each drank two shots of vodka and went to bed, hoping we’d be able to sleep. After the grocery store, I will stop at the liquor store.
I plan to spend Election Night sipping and cleaning. People in my house are going to have the TV on, and I have to live through those hours either way, so I am going to use my naturally-generated adrenaline, and I am going to use the anesthetic available to me for home use, and I am going to clean. Or maybe I will not: maybe I will use the anesthetic available to me and then sit numbly in a chair. It’s hard to predict feelings. But the plan is to tipsy-houseclean. When company is coming and we clean the whole house and then the company cancels, we don’t say, “Well for heaven’s sake, I sure wish I hadn’t done all that CLEANING, then!” It’s nice to have been able to use the motivation, even if the motivation turned out to be false. I’m going to change the sheets: it’s nice to have clean sheets, whether or not you might soon be spending a week in bed.
I know there’s a lot of alcohol in this post, and that’s not an available option for everyone, so let’s talk about a few alternatives. In times when I have considered alcohol not among my options and/or not worth it, I have self-anesthesized by alternating a few bites of savory with a few bites of sweet: See’s chocolates, then Pringles, then Little Debbie cakes, then cheddar-cracker Combos, then Cadbury bar, then kettle corn, and so on. Eat slowly, and just a little of each thing, or else you’ll get too full too fast, and it mostly works WHILE you’re eating, so you want to draw out that effect as long as possible. If you are not as much into snacking, I find a Big Sustaining Meal Including Carbohydrates serves well: spaghetti and garlic bread, or chili and cornbread, or chicken and sauce over rice, that kind of thing; and follow it with chocolate chip cookies, or cake, and a glass of milk. (There is some risk of associating this meal with election night, which is why it’s not one of the things I’m leaning on.) Another thing that works pretty well for me is reading very exciting books—horror or thrillers. I relied on those to get through a very bad break-up long ago; they were the only thing that could distract me. Another thing I’d recommend is re-watching a favorite comforting or riveting TV series, and only allowing a five minutes news check-in for each episode watched. I would think you could mix-and-match either food option with either book/TV option, for a moderately successful combination. (And with any of those no-alcohol food/book/TV combinations, I would end the evening with a sleeping pill, which is one of the advantages of not drinking. If I decide against tipsy housecleaning, I will go for snacks-and-horror-novel-and-sleeping-pill.) I have a prescription for actual tranquilizers, but I have found that while those are good for reducing adrenaline and racing/relentless thoughts, they leave me feeling sad and listless, which is sometimes better than the alternative but in this situation I think not. If it is available to you, I have heard good things about pot, though you should consult with someone who knows the differences among the types: we want a sense of universal perspective and detachment on election night, not potential paranoia. (Also, the children tell me no one calls it “pot” anymore, and that I sound like a mom. I mean, yes?) And I have heard good things about meditation and yoga, but I trust you know you can look elsewhere if you want those kinds of ideas suggested to you.