I impulse(/gin)-ordered Rob a tiny real tree yesterday evening:

(image from Amazon.com)

You know, I have TRIED to scale back on Amazon, for philosophical reasons, and I have succeeded to some extent. But when I look up my options for sending someone a tiny live tree, and I get results that include a $120-plus-shipping option, a $75-plus-delivery option, a $150-plus-shipping option, and a $24-with-free-shipping option, I am going to use Amazon, because the other three options mean I am not going to impulse-order my far-away child a small live Christmas tree, and I DO want to order him a small live Christmas tree.

One thing I am pretty sure I have discussed with Rob, but I need to make a point of discussing it again, is the concept of re-gifting. You may remember Rob is the one who doesn’t want anything, though he does understand me when I explain that I cannot give him literally nothing for Christmas. But I think it really, really helps, when receiving gifts one doesn’t want, to remember that one person’s oppressive unwanted gift is another person’s delightful holiday surprise. If Rob doesn’t want the little tree, and feels oppressed by it, then he could give it to his landlord, or he could leave it anonymously outside a neighbor’s door with a little note, or he could drop it off at his library, or he could give it to his bike-repair shop; he could give it to the friend he had a picnic with, which is all he told us and he wouldn’t tell us anything else about either the friend or the picnic; he could drop it off at a local charity or business. Giving away the gift could end up being the fun part of the gift for him, and I want to make sure he knows about that.

Along similar lines, one of my only gift suggestions he responded positively to was the idea of a stack of $5 bills for him to hand out when he sees someone asking. I might expand that into a gift of $5 bills, soft breakfast bars, hand/toe warmers, and ziploc baggies, so that he can make little bags to hand out. (Or he can choose to hand out just the bills, and donate/use the other things.)

We are also giving him money for him to donate to his favorite charity. I wanted to make the donation myself, in his name, but then he doesn’t get the tax credit, and also it means we’re the ones who get all the emails begging for more money, so I send him the money and he makes the donation.

Last year we got him symphony tickets (he likes classical music), which I’d hoped would be so successful we could just do it again year after year, a ticket to one concert for Christmas and a ticket to another concert for his birthday, done and done!—but no. He liked trying it, but doesn’t have any particular interest in going again.

He has turned down experience gifts. He has turned down gift cards to local restaurants, furniture stores, clothing stores, online stores, the bike/repair store, various services. He has turned down computer equipment and exercise/sports equipment. He has turned down wall art (except for a large city-map poster, which we gave him last year), subscription boxes of all kinds, upgrades to things he has (such as a better frying pan or a better pillow), a compact printer, a personal blender, a savings bond, a suitcase (he has the GIANT ones he moved with, but I thought he might want a smaller more practical size for normal trips—and it could fit inside one of the big suitcases), the new Zelda game, replacements of favorite-but-now-ratty t-shirts. If you are thinking you have an idea, you might as well say it because WHO KNOWS?—but the most likely thing is that he already turned it down and I just didn’t want to make this paragraph any longer.

I am getting him a pair of sturdy but comfortable casual work pants: apparently he was a bit stuck when his company wanted him to appear in person for a (casual) work conference. Paul got him a bicycle basket (Rob doesn’t have a car, and he rides his bike everywhere) that snaps easily on and off the front of the bike to turn into a handled shopping basket. I am sending the usual practical stocking stuffers: new underwear, new socks, new toothbrush, new razors; but with much much less candy than I’m giving his siblings, because he has mentioned not wanting much candy. I’ll send him the usual filled plastic candy cane; the overpriced cylinder of mini M&Ms that accidentally turned out to be a CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT part of stockings for the kids; a few chocolate coins; maybe some small special/expensive chocolate thing. I’m sending a wee can of cranberry sauce I was charmed by at the grocery store. I’m sending one of those teensy metal-wire strings of teensy LED lights for his live tree, maybe a few teensy ornaments too but Paul said “He won’t want to have to store those.” And I’m sending him new flannel pajama pants, because he said that’s mostly what he wears day in and day out now (he works remotely). None of this sounds good to me. I am trying not to worry.

• Put up and decorate the Christmas tree, maybe even if you’re a die-hard “NOT UNTIL DECEMBER!!” person—because the college kid(s) won’t be back until mid-December, and that might be kind of late by even a die-hard’s standards.

• Have them make a list of the holiday movies/shows they want you to wait to watch until they’re home for Christmas break, so that you can watch the other ones on the nights between now and then. Before they go back, have them pick one they want to watch to kick off the season. Get weepy about it.

• Annual flu/Covid shots. Or maybe your kids will manage to take advantage of the much more convenient campus clinics! My kids so far have not managed that, despite subtle coaching. And, one time, in one case, I tried to manage it for them, and all the appointments were full 15 minutes after the email went out, so perhaps it is not all that convenient after all.

• Woo them with a sentimental meal, in addition to all the scheduled Thanksgiving-food wooing.

• Maybe also a sentimental cookie/bar/cake/pie. Or maybe there is already too much leftover dessert in the house.

• Take a family photo for the Christmas card, if you send out cards.

• Do they need deodorant? shampoo? conditioner? granola bars? Kraft Easy Mac? It is cheaper to buy it here than on campus! THOSE SHYSTERS

• Winter coats? winter boots? gloves? hat? scarf? WHAT HAVE THEY FORGOTTEN? MUST PROTECT BABY FROM FROSTBITE!!

• Send them back with advent/countdown calendars, if applicable! We don’t usually buy the chocolate countdown calendars for the household, but I DO buy them for college kids.

• Send them back with Christmas lights for their dorm rooms, if applicable! Maybe some snowflake lights, if you don’t do Christmas lights!

As soon as the Thanksgiving meal is over, I crack out the pine-scented hand soap. CHRISTMAS SEASON, BITCHES. Well, that is just me trying to sound cool.

Here is the little thing I keep saying to myself as I am doing my Christmas shopping and seeing things I want for myself: “I don’t need that.” Alternative phrases, also in use: “I have enough of that”/”I don’t want to have to find a place for that.”

If, however, I find I DO need that, DON’T have enough of that, or DON’T MIND AT ALL finding a place for that, then I go ahead and buy it. I know I have mentioned on other occasions that after a couple of decades of I don’t know what to call it, I now fill my own stocking. There is a big-picture way in which this sucks, but I have found several silver linings to it, one of which is that when I see things throughout the year that might be difficult to justify buying (face lotion/wash that costs more than I would usually spend but it’s on a good sale; Hello Kitty lip balms; stickers I absolutely do not need), I can buy them, For My Stocking. I have an opaque bag in the gift cupboard where I put those things, so that many of them end up being actual surprises. Thank you, Earlier-in-the-Year Swistle! How sweet of you to think of me! I feel so loved!

This would be an excellent moment for you to suggest some little indulgences any of us might wish to purchase for our own stockings. I will be taking INTENSE NOTES.

Abrupt segue. I am not planning to do the annual calendar post this year. I hesitate even to mention this, because sometimes when I see someone bracing other people for something they’re not going to do, as if they think it is something other people need to brace for, my reaction is not positive. Sometimes I think uncharitable thoughts. But also I know how I feel about certain regular, predictable events. So anyway I am saying it, super casually, just in case you would like to know ahead of time. I am not sure which wall calendar I will buy for the kitchen this year (though, based on current mood, probably a comforting repeat from a previous year), but I have already bought the Pusheen day-to-day calendar for my desk.

Four kids are here for Thanksgiving, and it is wonderful. If right now you are in the pits of little-kid busyness and exhaustion, let me just say that older kids can be a delight I didn’t know to anticipate.

I have a happy/relieved update on the back molar dental woe situation.

Back when I first told you of the woe, several of you mentioned having had a back molar pulled and no implant put in, with no ill effects despite threats of ill effects. Another local friend mentioned the same thing: could not afford implant so threats were scary but moot; had back molar pulled, didn’t get implant; nothing happened.

I went to see my beloved and trusted oral surgeon prepared with a compromise: what if she pulled the tooth and did the first step of the implant, the one that needs to be done right after the tooth is pulled, which is to put in the bone graft; and then we just didn’t do anything else? Then, if my teeth started shifting or if I had trouble chewing or WHATEVER, the bone graft would already be in place and we could proceed with the implant; but if there were no ill effects, I would only be out the cost of the bone graft.

She counter-offered: she said we should just pull the tooth and not waste money on the implant OR on the bone graft. She said:

• after the initial adjustment period, I was not going to notice the loss of chewing surface

• teeth shift forward, not back, so my teeth were not going to shift

• the bone graft would cost $750 and my body would dissolve/absorb it after a couple of years if we didn’t use it for an implant, and she didn’t think we WOULD end up using it for an implant, so it would be a waste of money and bone

• she hardly ever does an implant replacement for the back molar, because there’s not much bone back there and not much room back there and there’s a pretty strong chance of the implant failing anyway

So she’s going to pull the tooth, it’s going to cost approximately $250 (something like $40 more if I want nitrous oxide) (I am going to want a little nitrous oxide, as a treat), and there is no huge looming implant expense to deal with.

This is one of the many reasons I love this doctor: she is philosophically opposed to unnecessary/expensive procedures, even if it would be to her own personal benefit to perform them. (I do not think my dentist is similarly philosophically opposed.) She did not argue against putting in an implant when one of my upper two front teeth perished: she felt that was a good value, and so did I. But an upper back molar? Pull it and be done with it.

This is a bit of a niche post. But I have started playing Pokémon Go again after a lengthy break, and I am doing a lot more things with it than I used to do, and I was getting so frustrated trying to figure out how to earn the “Battle together” heart with my buddy. I kept searching online and being incredulous that I couldn’t find an answer, only other people asking the same question. Sometimes people would respond, “Oh, just make sure you give your buddy a treat so they’re walking with you, and then go fight in a battle!”—and that didn’t work at all. Now that I have figured it out, I am posting it in the hopes that other frustrated people will be able to find it.

Here’s what the buddy screen looks like, where it shows you all the hearts you can earn each day:

And HERE IS WHAT YOU DO TO EARN THAT BATTLE TOGETHER HEART. When you are in THIS OTHER SCREEN, the one where you have entered a battle in a gym but are waiting for the battle to begin, don’t hit READY like Paul did, because you are going to need the time:

Click on ANY OF THE SIX Pokémon it automatically sets up for you. (If I’d been thinking clearly, I would have selected the SIXTH slot, since my buddy is more of a floofer than a fighter. But I was not thinking clearly, I was EXHILARATED BY A SUDDEN INSIGHT. So you can see him in that first square, because I took this screen shot in the glow of triumph when the idea worked.)

Clicking on one of the six selected Pokémon will take you to all your Pokémon. Scroll through your Pokemon until you find YOUR BUDDY. Then CLICK ON your buddy. Your buddy will be put in as one of your six fighters. AND IT WILL EARN A HEART!

It was so relatively obvious once I figured it out, but I was honestly stumped for like a YEAR.

It’s basically too late for me to mention this (many items are already out of stock), but Target is doing a collaboration with John Derian again, for Thanksgiving. I bought two things:

This lil serving tray, which does not look exactly like my house but has the vibe of my house:

(image from Target.com)

and this wine tote:

(image from Target.com)

I find as I get older that I have more and more need of cute wine totes to give with wine gifts. A friend of mine had a birthday party this past month, and everyone was teasing her for the number of bottles of wine/liquor she was receiving (“Oh, they sure know you I guess har har!!”)—but it’s more that when someone is My Age, there are fewer and fewer toasters and throw blankets you can buy them, and the focus turns to consumable treats. And wine/liquor KEEP well if you don’t want to use them right away, and it’s not a problem if you get DUPLICATES, and they are easy to REGIFT and/or serve to guests.

I do not need any more Christmas tree ornaments, I DO NOT need any, I already have them divided into two bins to use on alternating years. But:

(image from Target.com)

A PASSPORT ORNAMENT! So perfect to commemorate our first trip out of the country!

I am trying a new thing, by which I mean something I do from time to time and then forget about and then start doing again: I am trying the concept of Getting Rid of Things, Even if it Is Just One Thing and Doesn’t Seem Worth it. Tossing one single worn hair towel, even though I still have too many and should really go through them more thoroughly so that I can close that drawer, is still worth doing. Putting one single necklace in the Goodwill bag, even though I still have too many and should really go through my entire jewelry box, is still worth doing. Taking one window fan we never use out of the barn, even though really I should go through the entire barn and get rid of everything we moved five years ago and haven’t unpacked/used yet, is still worth doing.

The main thing I notice with this method is that it inspires me to do more of it. YES, it would be more efficient to thoroughly tackle an entire cluttered/disorganized drawer, but it’s not more efficient if I NEVER DO IT. If I notice and throw away one item from that drawer while I have it open for other reasons, that is something that doesn’t have to be a Big Involved Project. And then maybe the next time I open that drawer, I see another item I can throw away. And maybe now I can see to the back of the drawer and I say “WHY do we still have twenty packets of assorted orthodontic elastics when no one at our house wears braces anymore??” and I throw out a nice big handful. This is the kind of small success I find encouraging, and sometimes it’s so motivating it TURNS INTO thoroughly tackling the entire drawer.

A Big Involved Project I think really has to be done in one swoop is my make-up. I don’t even WEAR make-up anymore, but I have a large box of it, and I DO want to keep SOME of it for those few occasions I DO want to wear make-up. But the other night, Paul and I were going out to dinner and I put on some make-up, and it looked ridiculous and I wiped most of it off. So maybe I should just throw out the whole box and be done with it. Well, but then I know someday I will REALLY WANT my perfect brown-red lipstick or whatever, and then I will feel sad. (I have heard the “THROW OUT MAKE-UP AFTER SIX MONTHS, IT IS CONTAMINATED!!” thing, and I do not believe or comply. I will reconsider my stance if I ever experience one single ill effect from using old make-up.)