These are things I want. So clearly EVERYONE would want them.

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Outliers, the new Malcolm Gladwell book. I loved Blink and The Tipping Point, both of which are good gift ideas except that they got a lot of publicity so most people who would be interested in them have already read them.

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The Blue Cotton Gown: A Midwife’s Memoir, by Patricia Harman. Some midwife memoirs are excellent and make me want to investigate midwife schools (I LOVED Delivery: A Nurse-Midwife’s Story, by Jennifer Crichton); others are disappointing. I can’t resist trying all of them.

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Sleeveface. Photographs of people posing with album covers. It’s hard to explain why I want it. I just do.

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Normal Rockwell postcard book. To feed my Postcrossing obsession.

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Valentine postcards card book. Also for Postcrossing problem.

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Perfumes: The Guide. Recommended to me by Bring A. Torch AND Jonniker, so I have high hopes.

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Chocolate-covered DRIED cherries. Like Raisinets, but cherries instead of raisins. These have to come back in stock or I will die.

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The Oxford Project. OMG this looks so awesome. Peter Feldstein took a photo portrait of almost everyone in the town of Oxford—and then he went back 20 years later and did it again, and he brought a writer (Stephen G. Bloom) with him to get the stories down.

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Canon Powershot digital camera. My Kodak EasyShare Z700 is giving out after almost three years of hard use, and I need another reasonably-priced basic digital camera to replace it.

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Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies, by Rhena Branch. I’ve heard a lot about CBT, and am interested—but not interested enough to actually SEE A THERAPIST.

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L’Artisan Fou d’Absinthe. OMG so expensive. OMG so French and nice.

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See’s Candies custom mix. I like about 50% Butterscotch Squares and then an assortment of ones I know I like (Dark Buttercream, Milk Buttercream, Maple Walnut, Orange Cream, Vanilla Nut Cream, Chelsea, Raspberry Cream) and new ones I want to try (Mayfair).

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Mrs. Meyer’s lemon verbena stuff. The Mrs. Meyer’s products are STRONGLY-SCENTED (you can still smell them a day or two after you use them), but I love strongly-scented stuff. My favorite right now is lemon verbena, but I also like lavender.

I’ve had so many good experiences now with Melissa and Doug toys. I’m sure they have their missteps just like any other company, but so far I haven’t run into one. Their stuff is good quality, reasonably priced for the quality level, and usually made of wood instead of plastic. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen one that takes a battery. The toys are mostly the kind that encourage independent/creative play. They make good gifts for your own kids, but also good gifts for other people’s kids: they look good and they don’t make the parents feel like killing you for giving them something that makes THAT GODAWFUL NOISE.

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Speaking of godawful noise, they have a GREAT musical instrument set for just over $12.

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This is what I would have wanted: a Melissa and Doug magnetic dress-up doll, $8.75 down from $10.00.

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This puzzle bundle isn’t on any sale at all at $15, but we LOVE these puzzles at our house. Each picture is missing one piece, and the pieces are all exactly the same size and shape. This makes it a nice easy puzzle for younger kids, but it makes it a HILARIOUS puzzle for older kids: you can make a sheep appear to be wearing pink pants by using the pig puzzle piece. You can make a half-rabbit, half-turtle. Oh, the laughs. My, my. … In fact, don’t get this. Never mind.

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OMG, would you look at this princess dollhouse?? It’s $58 down from $100, and I want it myself. They have a less girlified one for $66. Either one ships free, which is awesome for a big heavy thing.

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Uh. Muh. Guh. Look at this gorgeous huge dollhouse, $56 down from $160!!! I might have to get this for Elizabeth. All she has so far is a purple unicorn. Oh, and dinosaur lacing cards.

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We have the shape-sorting clock ($13) and I love it. Edward is interested in telling time; Henry is interested in shape-sorting; they can both play with it. There are a lot of complaints in the reviews that the 5 is six-sided and the 6 is five-sided, but they must have fixed that because mine has a five-sided 5 and a six-sided 6. I think the whole issue is silly, though, since no one complained about the ten-sided 12 or the four-sided 9 or ETC. ETC.

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The ice cream scooping set is pretty expensive ($30) but looks like a LOT of fun. Want.

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For a toddler, these lacing beads ($10) are a great gift. We have an older version of these (circa 1999!) and they get a LOT of play, even from the grown-ups. Surprisingly, we still have almost all the beads. (We throw them in a bin, though; it turned out to be too much of a pain to carefully puzzle them back into the wooden tray they came in.)

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Pattern sets like this one ($13) are a sneaky way to get a little education in on the side. This is the kind of toy I consider a good value because it can be played with at many different ages: even toddlers can try it, but an older elementary school kid would still be interested too. The more kids in my house who can play with a toy, the better.

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Another sneaky educator is the alphabet stamp set. It’s almost $20, but it looks great to me: full set of both uppercase and lowercase letters, plus a multi-colored WASHABLE-INK stamp pad.

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We have an older version of this magnetic fishing puzzle ($10). When Rob was a toddler he got speech therapy, and the therapist used this with him to help him with his motor control. He loved it so much, we bought one for our house. It’s still in regular play nearly 8 years later.

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We have the farm-animals version (not free shipping, but the total cost is the same) of this cube puzzle ($13), and it’s one of my favorites of all our toys. It makes six different puzzles, and littler kids can help by finding the right side of each cube. Henry, 18 months, stacks the cubes like blocks.

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I got Elizabeth some dinosaur ones in another brand, but I think these pet lacing cards are cuter. That’s a nice amount of quiet play for $10. (There’s also a farm-themed set and a shapes set.)

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I want to play with this animal stamp set ($13) myself, so I’m wondering which child I can pretend I’m buying it for. The stamp pad is WASHABLE, and it also comes with colored pencils so you can color in the animals. There’s also a friendship set (rainbows, flowers, teddy bears) for $8.50, a deluxe set (animals, house, tree, sun) for $15, a vehicles set for $10, a dinosaurs set for $10, a horses set for $10 (I especially like the shades-of-brown stamp pad that comes with that one), a baby animals two-pack for $16 (that one also includes a rainbow stamp pad), and a classroom set (good job, great work, please correct) for $15.

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I bought this dress-up puzzle bundle ($15 for 3 puzzles) for Elizabeth last Christmas, and it’s one of the very few toys I am not only willing but EAGER to play with. I LOVE changing the outfits: there’s a ballerina, a princess, and a regular girl child. I have to make myself wait my turn instead of misusing my parental authority to cut in line.

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I am embarrassed to say that not only do I enjoy this bead sequencing set, I find it stimulatingly challenging.

I’m afraid my best idea for stocking stuffers is useless at this point. What I do is, all year long I keep my eye on the party favors and small toys at Target. When they go on 75% off, I buy some. By Christmas, I always have a nice assortment of the kind of junky crap the kids love (miniature Magic 8 balls! tiny dartboards! little plastic slinkys! kazoos!) and I haven’t spent much money. Might have been nice if I’d mentioned this a little earlier, hm? Well, you can do it for next year.

Here are the food things I bought this year for William (2nd grade) and Rob (4th grade):

1. A couple of those 25-cent single-serving bags of chips each.

2. A Tootsie Roll bank—99 cents each.

3. A Lifesavers “book” (looks like a book, but contains rolls of Lifesavers instead of words)—$2 each on sale.

4. Pez dispenser and an package of refill Pez—99 cents each dispenser and each pack.

Then I toss in a mixed handful of whatever candy we happen to have on hand, which I would not like to talk about because it’s embarrassing to list what we “happen to have on hand.” But SOME years this has involved things SUCH AS: mini Twix, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup miniatures, York peppermint patties, Christmas M&Ms, and Hershey Nuggets. I’ll give Edward and Elizabeth the easier, less messy candy, and also chips, and probably Pez, but not the Tootsie Rolls or Lifesavers.

Another good way to fill up the stockings is to buy things you have to buy ANYWAY, but get the more-fun version. For example, my kids like those fruit/candy-scented shampoos (Suave and L’Oreal both make them), and so I can put a bottle in each stocking and not really have to count that as falling under the stocking budget. Also, you can get Band-Aids in Spider Man and Hello Kitty and Cars and so forth: I saw them on sale at Target this week for something like $1.50. They’re pleasing in the stocking, but then they go in the supply cabinet.

Socks are good for this, too, but I get the fun kind (that they can still wear to school, so no jingle bells and fake fur), not the sixpack-of-plain-white kind. And craft supplies are great: I’d buy those for them anyway, but they seem more special in the stocking. New box of crayons, a bag of pipe cleaners, a packet of pom-poms and a packet of jingle bells. They’re kind of expensive, but I would have bought them anyway.

For the three little kids (ages 3 years and 18 months), I bought these three packs of “chunky books” (all images from Amazon.com):

Baby Animals, First Words, Colors
Puppies, Farm, Kittens
Animals, Dinosaurs, Trucks

It’s $2.75 for each 3-pack of small board books (they’re about 3 inches square), and they’re on that “4-for-3” deal so if you get a fourth one (for a niece or nephew or friend or for the donation box), it’s free. They’re a little babyish for the 3-year-olds, but they’ll provide (1) short-lived enjoyment; (2) stocking-filling; and (3) books for the 18-month-old’s stash. (Some of these packs have long waits now. If you want all nine, the 9-pack is still available.)

The Puppies and Kittens are my least favorite in the group: each page just gives the NAME of a puppy or kitten. Not a breed, but a name. Like: Mittens, Fluffy, Rex, Fido. It’s hard to see how that would teach a baby useful new words. Those two books will go in Elizabeth and Edward’s stockings instead.

For Elizabeth, I have a couple packets of barrettes purchased on clearances. I’ll leave them on their cards, not only because they take up more space in the stocking that way, but also because they’ll never come OFF the card: she loves them but won’t wear them.

Target’s dollar section is hit-and-miss. Some of the things I find seem GREAT: last year I got those glittery-balls-on-springs-on-a-headband thing for everyone, and they were sold in 2-packs for just $1.00. I’ve also found good metal brain-teaser puzzles there, and I got Edward and Elizabeth each a coloring book (Snoopy for Edward; Hello Kitty for Elizabeth).

More gift ideas? I’M still in the mood.

I think DVD box sets look like Big Gifts. When I see one, I think “$50-$75”—and that’s particularly nice if it cost more like $20-30. DVD box sets are also an excellent way to force other people to try shows you like: my brother and sister-in-law told me MANY TIMES that I had to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I didn’t think it was my kind of show even though kept saying, “You’d think it wouldn’t be your kind of show, and we thought the same thing, but we were wrong and so might you be!” Then they gave me season one on DVD and I felt like I had to watch it to be polite—and I LOVED it and ended up watching the ENTIRE SERIES.

Anyway. Box sets. Good plan, is what I’m saying. Especially TV series, in my opinion: a TV series is like a really long movie, so you have time to get attached and involved. Movies are like one-night stands.

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Let’s start with that first season of Buffy. I never had the SLIGHTEST INTEREST in watching this show: I don’t like scary stuff, I wasn’t interested in vampires, the guy playing the love interest was not my type, and it looked like a tacky show for teenagers. Instead, this is one of those shows that is like MAGIC: the script, the characters, everything. Yes, it is kind of about stabbing vampires—but it’s not REALLY. The action is there to keep your adrenaline up for the romance and friendships and amusing wisecracks.

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Firefly, the complete series, $31 down from $50. OMG WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT. My sister-in-law practically forced me to watch it, and I was SO GLAD she did. She said it took her four or five episodes before she started to like it, but that once she fell in love, it was for keeps. It was the same for me: I started out thinking, “So this is like…a space western? With space whores?” and by the end I was telling everyone who would listen that NO, it wasn’t about the fringed leather, it was about the RELATIONSHIPS (with space whores.) SUCH a good show. WHY do they cancel all the GOOD TV SHOWS?

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Speaking of which, I want to talk to you about Wonderfalls. Why was I the ONLY ONE who watched this when it was on?? It is YOUR FAULT they canceled it!! If you didn’t watch it, I blame YOU, yes YOU PERSONALLY, that the entire series is one box set. There are so few shows where the wry, crabby Janeane Garofalo-type can say to the cute bartender, “Your ass is ringing” (it’s his cell phone in his back pocket) and then say, “Why do you even HAVE an ass if you’re not going to answer it?” Also: souvenir animals TALK TO HER. They tell her what to do. And she has to do it because they keep nagging her. WHY DIDN’T YOU WATCH IT, WHY OH WHY??

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And Sports Night! It was MY FAULT that it got canceled, because I never watched it while it was on. I thought it was about sports, but I don’t think I can be entirely blamed for that part of the situation. I watched it later, on DVD, and although I thought it was a pretty dumb show at first (trying too hard to be snappy and witty), soon I was laugh-sobbing my way through most of the episodes. Not one but TWO of my children are named after characters/actors on this show. I’ve talked about this before, and recently, so I won’t go on and on, but geez. This show. So good.

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I don’t know why this is marked down so much, but the first season of 30 Rock is $17.50 down from $50. Been trying to force someone to watch this? Now’s your chance.

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I know everyone’s watching the U.S. version now, but the original BBC version of The Office has spoiled me for it. I love Steve Carrell, but how can he be Ricky Gervais? And once you’ve gotten used to Tim and Dawn, how can you accept Jim and Pam? The scene where Tim finally tells Dawn how he feels had me SOBBING. Totally sobbing. So embarrassing.

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Probably everyone who wants Friends on DVD already has it. But if you know someone who doesn’t, you can get season one and season two for $15.50 each—so you could get BOTH seasons for $31 (I did not win a math medal for nothing).

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Gilmore Girls. I loved it even though it sometimes drove me crazy. At 75% off, it’s practically free: each season is normally $50, but is on sale for $15. You can get just season one, or if you really want to get someone hooked, get them season two also.

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Six Feet Under was a little too intense for me: I watched the entire series and LOVED it, but occasionally popped out the DVD and said, “That’s it. I’m not watching anymore. I can’t stand the tension!” But I always went back. One of the best series EVER. And the first season is $20 down from $60. Why are some of these SO CHEAP? And also, why are some of them SO EXPENSIVE to begin with?

I did a post about Black Friday Book Deals on Friday, but they still seem to be at those deal prices today, so perhaps they are Black Friday WEEKEND Deals? Well, whatevs.

Today’s post is more gift books, but while yesterday’s was all about Awesome Deals, today’s is just Good Choices. Yeah, maybe I should have done them the other way around.

And when I say “Good Choices,” I guess I kind of mean “Good Choices If You Are Shopping for Swistle—or WERE Shopping for Swistle Back in Time, Because Now She Already Has These.”

…Let’s start over.

Today’s topic is books that might make good gifts. These are books that seem to me to hold at least some interest for a wide range of people, as opposed to, say, Mexico: From the Olmecs to the Aztecs, Sixth Edition, which, you know, for the right person would be GREAT, but for anyone else it’s…uh…that is, just saying, don’t put it on my wish list.

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Found: The Best Lost, Tossed, and Forgotten Items From Around the World ($10 down from $15) is one of the most mesmerizing books I have ever read. Even Paul’s sister, who doesn’t like to read, loved this book. It’s a bunch of…found stuff. Like notes. Shopping lists. Pieces of torn-up love letters. Photos. Crazy posted notices. Sketches. It will make you die of curiosity to know more, More, MORE about the people who wrote them or lost them. It will also make you look feverishly for scraps of paper on the ground. If you want a good gift for about $20, get it and also get Found II ($11 down from $14), the second volume.

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Speaking of dying to know more, PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives ($18 down from $27) will have you practically climbing the walls. People wrote secrets on postcards and mailed them in; the book is half artwork, half wall-climbing revelations. The book is large and heavy and hardcover, and looks impressive and fun and interesting. Like the Found books above, it’ll get passed around while the rest of the presents are being opened.

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What It Is, by Lynda Barry ($16.50 down from $25) is another large, impressive hardcover. Just about every square inch is COVERED with doodles, bits of writing, questions, instructions, writing assignments, helpful hints. This is the book/workbook version of a class Lynda Barry teaches on “writing the unthinkable.” It would be a great gift for anyone who likes to write or wants to write, but it would also work for anyone into self-analysis or dreams or art.

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Pretty Little Mistakes ($10 down from $15) is a choose-your-own-adventure book for grown-ups. And I do mean for grown-ups: don’t go giving this to your teenaged niece unless you want her parents smacking you into next winter for the, um, racy themes. At the end of each short section, you get to choose what “you” do next: do you help dig the grave, or do you run away? do you go home with the bartender or do you go back to your apartment alone? do you go to Brazil or do you go to Palm Beach? Each path leads to your death—either premature or at a ripe old age. It was some of the most fun I’d ever had reading a book, and I read it and read it and read it until I’d tried every single option. It’s a paperback, but a largish and pretty one with a fancy (cut-out in the center) cover.

Fair warning: my mom tried it and read one path and then wasn’t interested in trying another. She didn’t like the way the character made choices she (my mom) would NOT have made, and she didn’t like being told that “you” (she) did things. We agreed we would have preferred it if the book picked a name other than “you” for the character, something more along the lines of “Do you think Anne should go home with the bartender, or do you think she should go back to her place?”

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You know how everyone is constantly talking right now about spending less and cutting back? The ones who really mean it might enjoy a copy of The Complete Tightwad Gazette ($15.50 down from $23). I love love love this book and have read it again and again—as much for fun as for tips. It is packed to the gills with tips and sketches and recipes and explanations and tests and experiments and patterns and ideas, all on the theme of saving money. She takes it WAY farther than I would, but I just pick out the tips I actually want to use and enjoy reading the others for fun (people…MAKE underwear?). It’s a paperback, but it’s HUGE: almost a thousand pages, and in the big-paperback size (9ish x 7ish) not the romance-paperback size.

Caution: it’s a TEENSE risky to give someone any kind of self-improvement book. There can be the implication that you think they SHOULD CHANGE. Mothers-in-law probably should not buy this book for daughters-in-law. Probably no one should buy this book for people who spend noticeably more than they do.

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Along those same lines is Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior ($23 down from $35). It’s a great book: a nice fat impressive hardcover, and so funny and so smart and so fun to read her answers to all the “Dear Miss Manners” letters from readers. But…there is a slight risk that someone will think you are giving them a book on manners because they, er, NEED it. Mothers-in-law should definitely not buy this one for daughters-in-law, especially if mothers-in-law have harped on the subject of thank-you notes in the past.

I am still feeling low and sad and crabby and like everything is the end of the world: “My computer is running slow! Slowwwwwwwwwwwwwww! *flops listlessly in chair*”

Today I’m trying a depression-combating method I read about a long time ago and periodically call into service: drinking 1/4th cup of coffee every hour, as if taking medicine. It’s supposed to give you a more even keel than if you drink a huge honking mug in the morning and try to coast all the way to bedtime.

If you are at a loss in re Father’s Day gifts, Sundry and I each wrote a post of ideas over at Milk & Cookies. Here’s hers, and here’s mine. I’m chalking that up as our good deeds for the month: looking for Father’s Day gifts is borrrrrr-ring.

Okay! Marie Green thinks it is time for a diet update, and I agree.

The diet and I are in a fight, but still together. I’m doing a modified Weight Watchers Core. Core basically says that if it’s sugar or fat or in any way baked (crackers, bread), you barely get any of it (you have a Treats Budget you can use on those items), but you can have as much as you want of the approved food list, which is surprisingly long and inclusive. It’s an excellent diet for a nursing mother, because it lets you have huge heaping helpings of nutritious stuff like chicken and vegetables and brown rice and fruit and eggs and milk and so forth, while leading you away from the ice cream and the candy and the cake.

The reason I call it “modified” Core is that I don’t follow it exactly. My diet is more “based on actual events” than “the true story of.” I think Weight Watchers, along with the rest of the dieting world, has gone too far on the anti-carb spectrum. I think, for example, that 100% whole wheat bread is a GOOD food, not an EVIL food. So I don’t use my Treats Budget for it if I eat it. For some people, this would not be a good modification: they’d eat a whole loaf of bread right off the bat. But I don’t even like bread all that much, and find I only crave it when it’s forbidden, so it’s a good modification for me: if I can have it, I’ll barely ever eat it. If I can’t have it, I’ll keep sneaking it.

Another sample modification: you’re supposed to use the Treats Budget for the frosting on Frosted Mini-Wheats. SCREW THAT. If I am eating SHREDDED WHEAT, I don’t really care if it has sugar on it. I’m not going to sit there eating a whole box. So this, too, works for me: if I have to count the frosting, I won’t eat the shredded wheat and will instead lose control with a bag of chocolate chips; but if I DON’T have to count the frosting, I’ll eat the cereal and pull through the hard times. I’m not in this diet for UTTER RIGHTEOUSNESS.

I think the idea is that certain foods give some people problems, so Weight Watchers has made sweeping rules for that. But there are a lot of foods that I know are not problems for me (my problems are sweets and sweet fats, not potatoes and whole wheat bread), so I change it.

Right NOW, though—I mean, I am eating out of a bag of chocolate chips AS I TYPE. There are chocolate chips IN MY MOUTH. And I don’t think I can call that a “modification.” I’m finding that with the diet, as with any relationship, I have times when things are going well and times when things are not going well. “Hang in there anyway” is one of my mottos for this diet. Yes, I am eating chocolate chips right now, but I don’t have three bags of candy waiting for me in the other room. SOME improvement is better than NO improvement, and perseverance is still worthwhile.

Sara is begging for our help:

Five of my very dearest friends are expecting children (all but one their first) and the baby (3 boys, 1 girl, and 1 unknown) showers are about to start…
I need HELP!

What does every new mom need? What can they not live without when the newborn arrives? What are good gifts for the baby? And maybe even the grandma or dad?!?

I’m dying over here.

My first shower is this coming weekend. I’ve been purchasing little outfits and such along the way when I find a great deal or sale. But I don’t have anything major to show or give away… I want to do more than just get things off of the registry!

As far as price range goes… I’m open. Okay, I’m a true penny pincher & deal finder… but I know not all items are going to be able to be found on sale; sad– but true. And… not only am I going to need gifts for the shower, but for when the baby arrives… those hospital visits, etc. etc. So I’ll just pick & modify as necessary.

And I might need people to explain things… I’m a single girl… no nieces, nephews, or anything — I might not know the baby supply code. But, I’m ready to spoil some babies & some mommies!

Well! Some parents receive more newborn outfits than their baby can ever use, and others get not one single outfit because everyone’s heard that parents receive more newborn outfits than they can ever use. Some people have skilled friends and get a dozen hand-knitted baby blankets, and some people have non-crafty friends and get none. So you can see there is a “shot in the dark” aspect to this task. This is the nature of gift-giving.

Now I DO hope all of us already know that there is NO OBLIGATION to purchase from a registry. Registries are not some sort of ORDER that must be fulfilled. People are allowed to go out and buy anything they want to for the baby, without consulting the registry. The registry is to give ideas (to people who want to know), to inform people (who want to know) of your color/brand preferences, and to aid in avoiding gift duplication. Sometimes I have heard people–NOT YOU–bitching that it is “rude” to buy non-registry items, and that just about sends me TO THE MOON. The gift decision is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT up to the giver. If the parents receive something unwanted, the parents say, “Oh, how good of them to think of us!” and donate or quietly exchange the item WITHOUT huffing or whining or running to their rooms and slamming their doors. If the parents do not receive what they were hoping to get, the parents BUY IT THEMSELVES like grown-ups.

(Important Exception: If you have a tense discussion with someone about a particular item they think you need but you don’t want to use–pacifiers, bottles, cloth diapers, swing, whatever–and then they buy it for you anyway, that IS rude. But it’s rude because they’re trying to coerce you into doing something, not because they didn’t follow the shopping list you were trying to coerce them into buying from registry.)

That having been said (and MEANT, so don’t let me hear any BACKTALK), a registry is a great way to make sure you don’t choose someone a bouncy seat when they already have one, or buy them a swing when they are philosophically opposed to swings, or get them something in a pattern that clashes with their vision for their nursery. What I like to do is get a copy of the registry and see if there’s anything on there that appeals to me to buy. If it’s all, like, $40 booties and $50 blankies and $400 bassinets, I branch out on my own.

I also take into account the family I’m buying for. Are they poor, and is this their first baby? I aim for practical, and I spend more than I might normally. Are they well-off, and do they pretty much have everything they need? I buy something fun for them to try, or I buy an enormous pack of diapers and tie a rattle to the ribbon.

I told Sara that people vary WILDLY in what they think makes the best baby gifts, so let her have it! And since I ranted bitched chatted so long about registries, perhaps you’d better go back and re-read her question, because there’s a lot of meaty stuff in there about gifts for other relatives, gifts to spoil the mommy, and baby things we can’t live without–and she would rather NOT use the registry. So we are looking for helpful information OTHER THAN “Buy something off the registry.” Like, if there WAS NO registry, what would you give as a new-baby gift? No, no! DON’T say she should really buy something off the registry! I am in NO MOOD!

Every year I struggle with this problem. I need to find a gift for my father-in-law, and I need it to communicate “You are a neglectful father/grandfather and you are also an ungrateful, unpleasant, self-absorbed pinehole—but your bad behavior doesn’t negate my thoughtful gesture, and I’m going to BE thoughtful in This Season Of Giving whether you like it or not, dammit.” It’s complicated.

It should also be a NICE present. It’s tempting to send him fake vomit or an aluminum bedpan or a 20-pound package of gummi frogs—but a bad gift reflects badly on the giver not the givee (or “recipient,” WHATEVER), and I don’t want to be put in a bad light when I’m being so sweet and generous.

Here are some ideas we’ve used in the past, in case you have a similar person to buy for this year (or a not-similar-at-all person—see this post for the part about how they’re ALSO good gifts for NICE people):

1. Subscription to Consumer Reports magazine. It’s a smart, useful magazine, and it costs $26 for the first subscription (12 issues) and $18 for each additional subscription, which is handy if you have more than one pinehole on your list. We also like to give The Skeptical Inquirer, which is $20/year (6 issues–which is good because each one takes about 2 months to get through).

2. Potentially interesting books that flatter his intelligence: Harmonograph or any from that series; or once we got him a book about the history/use of the abacus, and it came with a small abacus

3. Puzzle books that flatter his intelligence and give him something to do with all his empty hours now that he’s turned his back on his family: The Puzzlemaster Presents is a good one (we got him volume 1 last year, and volume 2 this year), and I myself would like a copy of this Sudoku book that’s spiral-bound so you don’t have to curl the pages and break the binding

4. Tavern puzzles, which are challenging and also very cool-looking; I’ve ordered several times from BrainPuzzles.com for Paul, too, and can recommend both the site and the puzzles

5. Books that indulge his navel-gazing tendencies, such as The Book of Myself: An Autobiography in 201 Questions or List Your Self: Listmaking as the Way to Self-Discovery, which are pretty fun books (I got a second copy of each for myself. WHAT? I have a CUTE NAVEL.)

6. A nice fleecy throw blanket—this year I got him this Pinzon one, because it’s the Gold Box item today and was only $10 (down from an alleged $40). Bonus: a throw takes up a lot of space and so makes a bigger-and-better-looking gift than, say, two books.