By the way, if you need a quick pretty small thing in the $15 range, I notice these Lucky Brand heart safety-pin earrings are $14 down from $20:

I own these, and although recently I’ve been wearing the same surgical-steel piercing studs in my ears around the clock and never changing them, when I DID change earrings daily I wore these regularly and got lots of compliments on them. They were the equivalent of silver hoops, in that they went with almost everything, but more interesting and eye-catching.

••••••••

I have five pre-set stations on my shower radio, and I am toggling mostly between two of them: NPR, and a station that plays all Christmas music. If I can’t tolerate one, I switch to the other. If I can’t tolerate the second one, either, I usually switch the radio off: right now I don’t want to listen to pop or indie music.

I am Christmassing and Christmassing and there is still so much Christmassing to do. But I remember this stage from other years: you WORK and WORK and WORK and it seems like it will never be done—and then suddenly it’s done. So many presents to buy, and then no more presents to buy. Endless presents to wrap, and then no more presents to wrap. Endless cards to write, and then no more cards to write. So many items to deliver so many places, and then the pile is gone and there isn’t anything left to do but put on the Christmas jammies and eat pastry.

Shopping has to be done before wrapping, and some shopping/wrapping has to be done in plenty of time for shipping, and cards can wait until closer to the day, so I am focusing most of my energy on shopping. It is still helping me to concentrate on one person at a time (while remaining alert to the idea that a present for one person might also work as a present for another person).

I worked yesterday and am continuing to work today on Paul’s sister Beth, who has lived for nearly a decade with a boyfriend we have never met. Beth is a combination of stressful and completely-unstressful for me: I hardly know her at all, and so the pressure is off…and on. And also: she has far fewer people in her life to exchange gifts with, so I spend disproportionately more on her than on other family members.

You may wonder, and it would be fair: why doesn’t PAUL shop for his OWN SISTER? Well, there are two main reasons, no there are three: (1) Because he wouldn’t! He just wouldn’t! When his parents were alive he didn’t shop for them either!! I cannot comprehend it!! (2) Because I genuinely enjoy shopping. This is one of those chore categories where I would like to resent him in a theoretical way, without him actually changing and starting to do what he should. I miss shopping for his parents, and would be disappointed not to shop for his sister anymore. (3) Because he doesn’t know what to buy for her either. He is between three and four years older, so when he left for college she was a high school freshmen, and then their parents divorced and he stopped going home. And to place blame fairly, NEITHER sibling is communicative with the other. So the last time he knew her, she was 13 or 14, and now she’s in her late forties, and so he doesn’t know if she would want a Christmas puzzle or not, he can only say that he doesn’t remember her being particularly interested in puzzles when she was a child.

Beth and I have tried various ways to make gift-giving work better for us (we both LIKE sending an annual Christmas package to the other household, but we both admit defeat in terms of knowing what to buy, and in terms of being able to figure out a way to communicate useful information, considering Paul’s family has an apparently unshakeable aversion to wish lists), and last year we finally gave up and agreed on a We Send What We Feel Like Sending That Year and We Don’t Worry About It model. I like to send A Nice Assortment: something festive/decorative, something to eat, something to read, something cozy, something new we got this year and liked—I try to build the equivalent of a basket at a charity auction that pretty much anyone could be happy with parts of it if they won it, and/or find it easy to pass the unwanted elements on to others. Heated throw blanket! Fun/fancy cookies/candies in a special tin! A light, general interest book! Some nice tea or hot chocolate! Festive hand soap! The rechargeable flashlights I bought for Paul and he was unexpectedly excited about them! Etc.

This year I started by making basically a Festive Target Care Package: it needed to cost more than $35 to get the free shipping, and my goal was to put together something that would work if she deliberately opened it before Christmas, as she sometimes inexplicably does. I wanted things that were for the household in general, so that they could count as being gifts for her boyfriend too; I have given up trying to send something specifically for him (flannel shirt, wool socks, etc.). Here’s what I sent:

Embroidered initial ornaments, one in her initial and one in her boyfriend’s initial.

 

Marks & Spencer Light-Up Tea Tin. We sent them a different light-up Marks & Spencer tin last year. What I like about these is that if they WANT to, they can collect the pretty tins and gradually build a little set of decorative items; but if they DON’T want to, they can consume the treat inside and get rid of the tin. Or, the in-between option: they can display it for just this one year and then get rid of it.

 

Christmas kitchen towels. Target has been doing artist-collaboration Christmas collections, and I like that. I have these in my own cart, too; I don’t really need more holiday kitchen towels, but if they go on sale or if my cart is $5 short of free shipping, well.

 

Oreo Snowballs. What…ARE these? I like to buy This Year’s New Novelty Treats for the kids’ stockings, and I like to send some to Paul’s sister, too.

 

White chocolate pretzels, festive edition. One of the only things I know about Paul’s sister is that she likes white chocolate, so I always include SOMETHING white chocolate.

 

Reese’s Peanut Butter trees. One of the only things I know about Paul’s sister’s boyfriend is that he likes peanut butter, so I usually include SOMETHING peanut butter.

 

Peppermint Crunch Junior Mints. I love these things; they’re only available at Christmas; and I needed like one more dollar to hit the thirty-five dollar threshold.

 

Now that that has been dispatched, I am looking at some other assorted gifts I could send.

Lighted birch trees. Are you getting so, so tired of me recommending these everlasting birch trees?? Well, but listen: my parents, who now if I have understood correctly have purchased SIX MORE TREES to add to their original two (they have two trees IN THEIR BATHROOM), pointed out that the trees now come with a USB plug option. And perhaps the ONLY thing I don’t like about these trees is that I have to keep recharging and changing the batteries, which can also make them a little challenging to give as a gift if someone doesn’t have rechargeable batteries. BUT NOW THE TREES CAN PLUG IN. So for this year’s Secret Santa at work, I am buying my assigned person one tree, and I will include a USB wall charger block (the two-pack was a much better deal than the one-pack, so I will give them one and put one in our assorted-charging-devices drawer) and a nice long A to C cable (the two pack was a much better deal so etc.) so they can plug it in and put it even on a nice high piece of furniture, and not have to worry about batteries! I am thinking of sending Beth a two-pack of trees plus the two-pack charging blocks and the two-pack cables.

 

Cat bunk beds. I have this on my own wish list this year. And Paul’s sister has two cats plus a cat-sized dog.

 

Eurographics Christmas Doughnuts puzzle. I am personally a 300-500-piece puzzler if at all, and I don’t like difficult puzzles—but I have personally put together several 1000-piece Eurographics puzzles and really enjoyed them. They do a good job of making it so that you can scan for That Particular Shade of Green or That Particular Texture, and so some of the puzzles can be done even by a less-driven, more-recreational puzzler who likes to be able to go snap-snap-snap with the pieces and not get too frustrated. (Not ALL their puzzles are like this: I found their Holiday Cats puzzle WAY WAY WAY too challenging for me, to the point that I stopped trying, boxed it back up, and gave it away in a Buy Nothing group.) Where was I? Oh, yes: this Christmas doughnuts one reminds me of their OTHER donuts puzzle which I’ve done more than once and I love it, so I bought the Christmas one for our household this year and maybe I should buy it for Beth’s as well.

 

Storey’s Curious Compendium of Practical and Obscure Skills. You may remember this from the post about what to buy my 13-year-old nephew. Beth and her boyfriend do not seem to be READERS-readers, but they do seem to like light, general-interest books.

 

BomBombs hot chocolate sampler. Henry, whose list is skimpy this year, added “interesting hot chocolates” to his wish list, and I immediately emailed my OTHER sister-in-law, the one married to my brother, because, speaking tangentially once again of my nephew, my nephew each year puts “hot cocoa sampler set” on his list, so I knew my sister-in-law would have already looked into this. She said she’s getting him this set for the second year in a row, which is a good endorsement, and I chose the smaller set for Henry in part because I am unsure of his commitment to hot cocoa, and in part because the smaller set comes packaged in wee charming little disposable cups (which cannot be used to make the cocoa, they are just decorative), and in part because the smaller set comes with some more extreme novelty flavors such as bacon, and I think Henry would enjoy that. After I bought it, I re-added it to my cart so I could consider it for Beth.

••••••••

That’s what I’ve got so far, and nothing seems like quite the right assortment, but it’s getting to be Time To Decide: some things are still two- or three-day delivery but others already have delivery dates into the December 20s. Maybe the trees and the book and the hot chocolate—but I am really leaning toward the silly cat bunk beds, and also I don’t feel confident about the book. The bunk bed and the trees and the hot chocolate?

Do you have things you’re buying for people on your list, things that would work as more general gifts for people we don’t know very well?

Normally I title gift posts “for a 13-year-old,” “for an 8-year-old,” etc., but it looks funny when it’s “for a 23-year-old” or even “for a 19-year-old.” If you have older kids to buy for, here are some of the things my kids have on their wish lists. I’ve done mostly William’s (23) and Elizabeth’s  (19) shopping so far, so this is mostly from their lists.

 

A pomodoro timer. I don’t know what it is, either. William put it on his list, and he said it was a productivity timer; I see in the description it’s good for time-management, ADHD, etc. I asked Edward if he would enjoy such an item or if it’s like getting a chore chart for Christmas, and Edward said it seemed fun BUT that he was already using a good phone app for that. So then I got one for Rob, who has nothing on his wish list and DOES seem interested in productivity/time-management and DOESN’T have a smartphone so can’t be using an app.

 

A Chinese abacus. (There are also Japanese ones, with differently-shaped beads.) This is William again. He asked for one that would look nice on his desk, not the rainbow-colors kind made for children. I used a fair chunk of missed-work hours on this task. I just could not decide. There were miniature ones with brass beads and a marble base, but I thought those looked too small, especially since he wants to learn how to actually use it. I narrowed it down to three or four vintage sets on eBay, all pretty similar but different colors/glazes, and then just picked my favorite. (The one I bought is of course no longer available, so I linked to one that looks the same.)

 

A Useful Chart. William has this Timeline of World History one, and wanted a Timeline of U.S. History and/or Writing Systems of the World. I got both, one for Christmas and one for his birthday. I also got Rob the Evolutionary Tree of Life.

 

Elizabeth had Birkenstock sandals on her list, and I texted her to ask did she know Birkenstocks were like $100, and she modified her entry to be “Birkenstock-like sandals, basic/black, to be easy indoor shoes.” I looked for ones that seemed to match the description of Birkenstocks, with pretty good reviews, available in her size, and chose these. Sometimes with this sort of gift idea I consider my choice a First Attempt: if this isn’t right, they can come back with a better description (and/or LINK) next time.

 

She also wanted “a world map, for wall decoration.” I thought: I am NOT getting this on Amazon, I do NOT trust them not to have some AI-generated garbage full of errors, I am going straight to either Rand McNally or National Geographic. I studied the options on both those sites and picked a National Geographic map (I liked that it was neither the usual pastels nor the also-nice-but-very-familiar sepia tints) and clicked the Buy link—and it took me to Amazon. Well FINE.

 

Elizabeth wanted “one or two” coloring books, and declined to give further information, and even you who know me so well might find it hard to believe how much time I spent looking at coloring books and reading reviews. The trouble is that for every review that says “WONDERFUL, my FAVORITE, pages don’t leak through AT ALL!,” there is another that says “BORING, coloring areas too big/small/dark, pages LEAK!!” The other trouble is that there are a TON of Amazon-self-published ones saturating the search results, many of them AI-generated and full of weirdnesses. Finally I chose these two, figuring that she is an art student and can source her own art materials/information if needed: Color at Home: A Young House Love Coloring Book with pictures of interiors and fun things to color like book spines and throw pillows; and Worlds of Wonder, chosen agonizingly among the various Johanna Basford options, because there seemed to be widespread agreement that her coloring books were wonderful, but also widespread talk about how they had changed in recent years, and also all of them looked so good, and anyway I finally chose one.

 

This is more a stocking stuffer: I like to get the kids socks/underwear for their stockings every year, and as I was shopping the possibilities I turned to Henry and said, “You wouldn’t wear strawberry-print socks, would you?” (thinking he might, but it’s so hard to tell), and he regarded them for a moment and said “I would.” I took a risk and got the mushroom ones for Edward, figuring they could always end up in Henry’s sock drawer if Edward doesn’t want to wear them. And these are a different brand, but I got these cute retro striped crew socks for Elizabeth.

My nephew is 13, and does not have a wish list, and says he likes to be surprised. I, in turn, would like to be The Cool Aunt Who Knows Just What To Buy Him—like my OWN cool aunt, who used to thrill me each year by buying me the same thing she bought for my cousin, her daughter who was four years older than me: a bottle of perfume marketed to teenagers when I was 9; a very thin gold bracelet when I was 10; a hot turquoise button-down shirt with a poppable collar and a thin belt when I was 12. And I SHOULD be able to transfer to this gift-giving model!! I have a child who is four years older than my nephew!! It should be PERFECT!! But my aunt is stylish and glamorous and doesn’t overthink things, so maybe we should all play to our own strengths.

My nephew likes to know a lot of facts, and he composes electronic music and also plays bass in an orchestra, and he is the youngest cousin of seven and DOES NOT want to be thought of as the youngest. I think if I were choosing One Most Important Thing about gifts for him, it’s that they should err on the side of OLDER.

Let me show you some of the ideas I have so far, and maybe you have a 13ish-year-old on your list and can share some of YOUR ideas, and together we’ll make a little catalog of ideas.

A band t-shirt for Marceline’s band, in Adventure Time:

If none of those words make sense to you, don’t worry, you are not having a stroke. Adventure Time is a whimsical surreal cartoon for teens/adults, and Marceline is a character in that show, and she is a cool vampire who is in a band. So this is a pretend concert/band t-shirt for that fictional band.

 

Maybe a mini-fridge for his room? We got one of these for Henry a year or so ago, and it has worked well. It’s the really eensy kind that only holds like six cans. (Definitely I would check with parents before buying this sort of thing.)

 

Storey’s Curious Compendium of Practical and Obscure Skills: 214 Things You Can Actually Learn How to Do. Maybe this is too textbooky/educational? But it really has so many interesting things in it. It INVITES you to pick it up and page through it. I’m sort of leaning toward this plus another thing—like maybe this plus a t-shirt.

 

Meow Meow Meow shirt. But we have at least two of this shirt in our household, and I’m not sure where those shirts are in the handmedowns process. It would be a real bummer to get, as a gift, the new version of shirt literally already in your drawer—or worse, one you rejected from the handmedowns bag!! But I mention it in case YOU have a 13ish-year-old to buy for. (I strongly prefer this version over the other version, which says “Pay attention to me” instead of “Meow Meow Meow.”) Similarly, I recommend this Dogs: They’re Good shirt.

 

I wonder if he would like a subscription to The Onion. It’s a physical newspaper once a month, and it’s funny. But it might be aimed too old: I got it as a gift for Paul, and HE’LL get the jokes about senators, but maybe a 13-year-old would be puzzled. Or maybe a 13-year-old would appreciate having their news literacy overestimated?? Henry suggested getting him the book Our Dumb Century instead:

But that was published in 1999, and I feel like it might end up having too many That Was a Different Time kind of moments. Even humor from, say, 2014 sometimes hits different now. What larks we used to have, making fun of both sides!

 

LAST year, when he was merely 12, he wanted a Strange Planet daily calendar. I could do that again. But sometimes when you see something every day for a year you’re kind of DONE with that thing. I had a Pusheen day-to-day calendar this year, and I liked it a lot and was glad I’d bought it, but for next year I’m getting The Art of Flowers.

 

This feels almost too boring to consider, but maybe my aunt would have felt the same way about the thrilling turquoise button-down: I could get him the same flannel shirt and/or pants that Henry recently chose for himself.

 

A couple years ago we got Henry a black ring with his initial on it, and he wears it constantly along with another ring made out of a Japanese coin on his opposite ring finger, and it looks pretty cool (his mother thinks). I think this is too Henry-specific an idea for my nephew, but perhaps for your similarly-aged child.

 

When we have a family get-together each year, I bring one of these big sticker mosaics, and my nephew likes them. But…maybe it’s more event-specific, like, this is GREAT as a group activity but not something to do by oneself. And also, each year that goes by I wonder if THIS will be the year he doesn’t like big sticker mosaics anymore.

 

I am very much hoping you will have more ideas.

This is the stage of Christmas preparation where I feel as if I have TONS of time, but also uh oh I need a gift for a party next week, and we are drawing names for our workplace Secret Santa on Friday, and I need to prepare a gift for the nurses before Edward’s next medical appointment, and so on. Happy fluster, but.

Yesterday I got agitated about the kids’ gifts. I feel as if I have very few ideas for them this year, and they are not coming up with many ideas themselves. I thought, what if I concentrate on one kid per day, starting with Rob since his items need to be mailed? A great idea! I will start on that right after work! And so I came home and wrapped presents and wrote Christmas cards. One does what one can; all chipping-away is good chipping-away; etc.

I am also working on doing extra cleaning—not as an important, required, THIS MUST HAPPEN sort of thing to add to the work/stress of this time; more like, I am seizing the motivation where I can find it, and I find I am motivated by, of all things, the kids coming home. They are not GUESTS! I don’t have to WORRY about cleaning before their visit! But I’m finding I am a little bit worried (they will see the house with fresh eyes after their time away!!), and I am finding that that small amount of adrenaline combines nicely with excitement (if it’s time to clean the house that means they are almost here!!) to give me the energy I need to scrub a shower floor, or bleach/scrub the kitchen sink, or wipe down a microwave. If I can chip away at it starting in early December, rather than leaving it for the week before, it will all……well, a lot of it will need to be done again by Christmas, but IT WILL STILL BE CLEANER THAN IT IS NOW.

Starting today with my mid-week grocery trip, I will have the fun of Buying Things for the Kids Who Are Coming Home. The twins won’t be home for another week and a half, but William is done and home as of this weekend. William drinks a lot of milk and eats a lot of pasta; Henry, the one remaining housechild, does neither of those things, so today I need to replenish the supplies I’d allowed to dwindle. I will also buy pecans, yogurt, extra eggs, and…what else does that child eat. Well, he can put it on the list when he’s here! Which will be soon!

Mostly what I like to read about at this time of year is WHAT ARE OTHER PEOPLE BUYING. I get so many good ideas that way. I finally bought Paul the contour gauge tool I put in my cart after someone else (was it Suzanne? it feels like it might have been Suzanne) posted about it a couple of Christmases ago, maybe longer ago than that:

I don’t know what it is or what it does, but it looks cool, and Paul enjoys receiving Unexpected Workshop Stuff to play with.

I’ll just keep going with Paul’s gifts, so we can have a little theme here: Gift Ideas for the Grown Men in Our Lives. Back in October I bought him some lime juice:

If I remember correctly my friends were discussing the recipe for a restaurant margarita we all like, and they said one of the secrets was Jamaican lime juice, and anyway I hope this is the right thing (I notice only right this minute that it says juice MIX), but if it’s not it’ll still be fun to try. I will put it in his stocking.

I should have mentioned this sooner, but I didn’t know he was going to like it so much: I got him an Exit game Advent calendar.

It’s around $50 right now; I got it somewhere in the high $30s, which was still a fair amount of money but it is pretty great. I am reminded of when Elizabeth, writing her thank-you note to her aunt and uncle, also thanked them for the gift they’d sent Paul: “It kept him quiet for hours!” He is working on it every night with just the right amount of frustration/triumph.

This heated desk pad has been a mixed success, but enough of a success that I now keep it in my cart so I can buy one if there’s a good price drop.

I found it after about the tenth time Paul had exclaimed how cold his hands get when he’s working at his computer all day. I searched “heated desk pad” and bought pretty much the first one I found. It broke a month later, and many reviews mentioned similar issues: that it was great when it worked, but that some of them seemed to be defective. I contacted the company, which sent a replacement, and the replacement has worked for almost a year now. But when the price dropped, I bought another one to have on hand if/when this one goes: reviews mention that even if you get one that isn’t defective, it doesn’t last for years and years. I realize I’m not exactly selling this, but when we were waiting for the first replacement, Paul said things like “I NEVER WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT IT AGAIN,” so. (If any of you have experience with a more reliable model, PLEASE TELL US.)

Paul likes to cook with cast iron pans, and he has a little scrubber that looks like a fabric swatch of chainmail. He likes it a lot, but wished aloud that it had a HANDLE. I bought him two handled options to try:

In case you have a cast-iron devotee in your life, this is Paul’s favorite turner:

He had one, and said he wanted a second one so he would always have one available, so I bought him TWO more. I also bought one for his sister, after she posted a cooking photo involving two cast iron pans.

Paul bought himself this window bird feeder, and gave it to me to give to him:

If the grown man in your life would like to be twinsies with Paul, this Oscar the Grouch t-shirt was one of the most successful things I bought him last year.

I’d thought it might be too dark and hard to see, but it turns out to be Just Right: not too garish, but definitely noticeable. He wears it whenever it’s clean. I have the Cookie Monster shirt in my cart to consider for this year, but I don’t know. Maybe one Sesame Street shirt is perfect and two is too many.

I’m certain I got this next idea from Suzanne: The Happy Isles puzzle from the Magic Puzzle Company:

Big hit with Paul and with some of the kids, so I’ve bought The Mystic Maze for this year. Or was it the other way around? Well, I have ONE of those two puzzles in a cupboard ready to give this year, and the OTHER one was a huge hit. I also got this folding round table for Paul’s birthday last year:

I would not normally spend that much on a birthday present—but we’d gotten one of these tables from my parents when they moved, and Paul set it up as a puzzle table, and then Henry needed a table for his D&D group and this one was undeniably perfect, so Paul patiently loaded his puzzle-in-progress onto cookie sheets so Henry could have the table. We brought down a different folding table (also from my parents), but it was clearly inferior for puzzling, and Paul seemed discouraged from working on the puzzle. I would have bought the table anyway, but the timing was right for it to be a fun birthday gift. In such situations, I don’t count the cost of the item against the birthday budget.

Do you have someone in your life who quests for the right insulated bottle? I will show you Paul’s favorite:

He left it behind in a motel room on one of our college-visit trips, and was CALLING THE MOTEL to see if it could be found, because he was thinking he would DRIVE BACK SEVEN HOURS TO GET IT. I ordered him a new one, because I am level-headed about insulated bottles. I will note that it does not fit in the car’s cupholder, which to me is an absolute deal-breaker but Paul does not care about that at all, because he doesn’t use it while he’s driving: it’s either on his desk/table at home, or it’s on his desk at work, or it’s in his work bag.

Oh! I can tell you what my dad asked Santa for this year, in case these things seem like they’d be good ideas for someone you know. My dad is someone who METICULOUSLY researches everything to find THE BEST ONE (in the Consumer Reports sense of being the best one at a reasonable price)—so if he requests a particular item, you can feel pretty confident that there is good reason for it being THAT PARTICULAR ITEM.

This particular meat thermometer with a probe:

This particular flashlight:

 

I am keen to hear what you are buying for the grown men you know.

You know those undereye masks you can buy, the little patches that look like big commas? Do you have some you’ve used and liked, or some you’ve heard of as being cool/trendy? I want to get some for William’s stocking. He thinks he has undereye circles. They’re genetic, I’m sorry to say, but that doesn’t mean I don’t empathize with his motivation to feel as if he’s Doing Something About It, and little luxury items are great for stockings.

Also. And this is tricky, because several members of the group read here. But I am looking for good friend-group Christmas gift ideas. I am in a group of eight women, and we used to do a Yankee Swap for Christmas, but now we each bring seven matched (or BASICALLY matched, like everyone might get a different windchime but they’re all windchimes) gifts to hand out to each other. This means finding something that works for seven fairly different people. Some of us are better at it than others.

I had what I thought was The Greatest Idea of All Time, but it turns out I am not temperamentally or skillsically suited for it. Long ago, not long after we formed our group, we had a local artist paint us matching wine glasses: same overall design for everyone, but then each person’s own name on the base of the glass. More than half of us have broken our glasses by now, and the local artist is no longer local. I thought I could watch some YouTube videos and paint us new ones! I started saving shoe boxes in dreamy anticipation of this idea. I would hand out a box to everyone, and make them open them all at the same time! Everyone would be so surprised/amazed!

Then I watched YouTube videos. Number one and number eight brushes, plus a cone brush. Enamel paints in many colors/formulas. Gloves. Patterns. Brushstrokes away from center. Setting the paint. Etc. It’s not that it looks UNDOABLE, but it definitely does not look as if it overlaps with any of my own personal strengths and/or supplies. And then: surely we would all just start breaking the glasses again. And what if some of us were actually a little RELIEVED to have our glass broken, and now here I am replacing it?? I myself have stopped bringing my unbroken glass to get-togethers, because I don’t want to break it, and I am more than content with my replacement glass, which is a large plastic wine glass one of the group members handed out as an earlier group gift. So perhaps I should leave well enough alone.

But that means it is November 15th and I am just now abandoning the plan I came up with last December. I have wasted 11 months of thinking time. And we generally try to have our party early/mid-December, before the real holiday busyness begins.

I think I should say that I am not in any way trying to COMPETE with the kinds of gifts some of the women in this group come up with. They have had insulated tumblers and candy jars and wine bottles custom-printed, with our names and/or with photos of our group. There have been group t-shirts, group hats. One of them made a group birthstone bracelet. Another ordered us all matching bracelets with secretly coded swear words. So there is no trying to EXCEED the current showstoppers, but I would like to be IN RANGE of the MOOD of the gifts, which ranges from funny to sentimental to club-reinforcing. Last year, after handing out bags of travel wine glasses, canned cocktails, and assorted chocolates, I thought to myself “I think I need to step up my sentiment game a little here. Or else be funnier.”

But, as I say: several members are HERE IN OUR MIDST. So please WHISPER your ideas for good friend-group gifts if you have any, because I plan to take credit for them. And I will trust my friends NOT TO READ THE COMMENTS!

(And if you read this and think, “Well, I have a GREAT friend-group gift idea, but it sounds like my group spends a lot less/more than yours,” please mention it ANYWAY, because these posts are NEVER just for me, and are ALWAYS meant to ALSO be for anyone else who has a similar need for ideas!)

This year we’re “adopting” two kids from our local Christmas-supplementation organization, which is something I did for the first time last year. There are ways in which it was so hectic and stressful (I don’t remember if I talked about it last year, but it was things like the perfect gift I had in mind sold out unexpectedly early, and then I ordered something else and FORGET TO ACTUALLY CLICK THE ORDER BUTTON SO I GOT TO THE DAY I WAS BUNDLING UP THE ITEMS AND REALIZED I WAS SHORT THE MAIN GIFT AND HAD TO RUN TO THE PHYSICAL STORE IN A SMALL SNOWSTORM *PANT PANT*), but overall it ended up being one of my top favorite parts of Christmas. I LOVE thinking about gifts and deciding about gifts, and I also LOVE being The Good Student and diligently checking off every single part of the organization’s instruction sheet. I imagine the people in charge making little notes next to my name about what a good job I did.

And in general, I find it fairly easy to get over the “But I don’t KNOW!!” hurdle in situations like this: everyone involved knows I don’t know; there is no way for me to know; no one else in my position knows either; this is why the organization asks us to send gift receipts. I will do the best I can, and I will buy nice-quality things, and I will trust the Christmas Fairies to guide my choices.

Each child in the program makes a little wish list. I would like to solicit suggestions/opinions from those who know more than I do on some of these wish list gift ideas. Last year we got an older teenager who wanted a hoodie, so I had five resident experts to consult; we also had a younger child who wanted Minecraft and Lego things, and again I had multiple in-house experts. This year I have a 14-year-old boy who wants slippers, a terrarium kit, and fidget toys; and a 10-year-old boy who wants slime, art supplies, and frog-related things.

Feel free to comment anything at all on any of those things. But also I have some more specific questions/concerns:

• Where do cool teenagers shop for their cool clothes? I would like to start there for the slippers. I am finding a lot of stodgy adult options online.

• I am interested in suggestions for good-quality, enduringly-fidgetworthy fidget toys. I would like to spend more money on fewer/better fidget toys, rather than getting a big set of cheaper ones.

• If you saw “slime” on someone’s list, would you assume slime or would you assume slime-making supplies? I guess I am assuming finished slime, but I am not sure: my kids missed the slime trend, so I have NO IDEA where to start. I might assume that someone who likes slime already has the basic slime? It appeals to me to get the Hot New Slime This Season or whatever; it also appeals to get the BEST slime. I just KNOW some of you know what the best slime is. Tell me what the best slime is, and I will buy it.

• The trouble with “frog-related things” is that someone who likes frogs probably already has an assortment of frog things, and duplication would be unhappy. Also, I know from my own children that, for example, a child who likes dinosaurs might have VERY STRONG OPINIONS about the SORT of dinosaurs (in our case: REAL dinosaurs, no cartoony/cute dinosaurs). Well. These are the limitations of this assignment. I wish I could ask follow-up questions, but I cannot. Maybe a frog Squishmallow? Is there a “best” frog squishmallow? A NEW frog Squishmallow the child wouldn’t have yet? What other frog things might a 10-year-old enjoy? A frog t-shirt? A frog throw pillow? A frog book? A frog Christmas tree ornament? A frog towel? Frog stickers? Why does this form not include the child’s favorite color(s)?

 

• Art supplies is similarly difficult. What art supplies does the child already have? Is this a new interest or an old one? Why are these forms so limited? Well. I suppose the best would be things that someone who likes art could always use more of, and/or things that are rather expensive so they are unlikely to already own them. Maybe a really good set of colored pencils and a sketch pad? Or maybe a small basic starter set of the Chameleon pens Elizabeth gradually acquired many sets of? Or the micron pens Elizabeth says every art student has? Is a 10-year-old ready for those? Or should I be thinking construction paper, glitter glue, and stickers? THERE IS NO WAY TO KNOW

 

You may wonder why I am starting on this SO EARLY, but (1) the organization collects the items fairly early, so that they can make sure they have everything, and (2) I learned last year that when I find The Right Thing, I should buy it RIGHT AWAY, because the good stuff SELLS OUT.

I know some of us got to know each other back when I was pregnant with Henry, and so I will use a gentle tone as I mention that this post is for Henry’s birthday. Henry will soon be able to drive a car.

More pressingly, Henry will soon need birthday gifts to open. He gave me a pretty good list, but it’s all books. I said, “But…are you okay with a birthday present pile that’s all rectangles?,” and he said he didn’t mind if it was rectangle-heavy but he’d prefer if it wasn’t ALL rectangles. Well then, child, I need more ideas.

He likes Dungeons & Dragons, but he’s liked it for years so he already has as many dice sets as he wants, plus the various guides he wants, plus the dungeon master panel thing to hide his materials from the other players, plus a hoodie, plus a t-shirt, plus a stack of the magazines, plus a rugged-looking leather journal. He likes Terry Pratchett, but that’s mostly books, which he has, and he also has an Unseen University t-shirt. He likes books; we’re already getting him books. He likes t-shirts but, especially combined with handmedowns from siblings who ALSO like t-shirts, he has so many t-shirts. He likes candy, and for an adult I might look at Expensive Special Candy, but he is not at that stage, and Snickers and Kit Kats don’t cost very much, so I’ll get him candy but that’s not enough progress, because this is a long-looking paragraph of ideas but all we have gotten out of it is books and candy.

He is a theater kid; he has theater t-shirts; we have gone to plays. I asked him if he wanted one of those binders for saving playbills, and he was not interested. (I considered getting one anyway and filling it with the playbills of plays we’ve gone to, and giving it to him LATER—but I am having enough trouble shopping for CURRENT gifts he might not want, without working on POSSIBLE FUTURE gifts he might not want.) I have tried to get into the Experience Gifts trend, but the thing that stops me is how EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE that is to do?? With the exception of Rob, who wants NO ITEMS FROM THE MATERIAL REALM and so we give him a ticket to a symphony/play and he is happy and relieved, the Experience Gift thing doesn’t currently work for the way we do gifts or the way we do experiences: they come from different parts of the budget, and with different ways of calculating value. Birthdays FOR THE MOST PART involve items from the material realm.

He doesn’t have feelings about brand-name clothes yet, so I can’t buy him overpriced hoodie/shoes he’s been pining for. I’d thought he might like some dapper clothes/accessories (as a younger child he went through a vests/bowties stage, and then a blazer stage), but I discussed it with him and it sounds like he’d be better off going to Goodwill and looking for some fun inexpensive used dapper stuff.

You may remember that when the twins turned 16 we did a Significant Sixteen Gift: the post I just linked to is only about Elizabeth’s gift, which ended up being a birthstone ring; I can’t find any posts about it but we got Edward a watch in the same approximate price range. I had assumed we’d do something like this with Henry, and he and I had several conversations about what he might like (watch? dragon ring? maybe he’d like to get his ears pierced and get some special earrings?) before realizing the idea just wasn’t a good fit for him. It felt weird to both of us to be like “Okay, so then Edward and Elizabeth got a big bonus gift and you won’t get that”—but different things work for different kids, and Henry ends up going to more plays that don’t count as birthday gifts, so it balances out in the end.

Proofreading this post, my takeaway is that it says “Please give me ideas!! But not this or this or this or this or this or this or this or this or this or this or this.” It does not seem like a request that leaves the listener eager to jump in and help.

Well. What if instead this is just a post about ALL the ideas we’ve had for kids in approximately this age range? We can say things that work for the kids we know, even if those ideas don’t work for Me/Henry Specifically: the ideas might very well work for OTHERS of us who are trying to shop for people of this age.

I have considered this Take Bell t-shirt, except for our So Many T-Shirts problem:

It doesn’t really work unless your family has played Untitled Goose Game. Speaking of which, that’s my next suggestion for anyone who likes playing video games:

This is one of the very few video games that is fun for the audience as well as for the players. I have laughed and laughed. The game and shirt make a nice bundle; that’s what we gave my nephew for Christmas last year.

 

At Elizabeth’s suggestion, we gave Henry a practice butterfly knife for Christmas; she said a lot of boys at her school were practicing tricks with them. I was not 100% keen on the idea of some sort of WEAPON, and she rolled her eyes and said it is not like that. He played with it quite a bit for awhile, gave himself a number of knocks on the knuckles, and did not then move on to threatening others with a real knife.

 

This is going to reveal Edward (two years older than Henry) to be a little bit of a nerd—but when he found this $15-on-sale-for-$10 mechanical pencil assortment set in his Christmas stocking, he said “Why is this a STOCKING gift??,” and later said it was one of his favorite gifts of Christmas. (My dad, also a little bit of a nerd, is the one who suggested the set.) I had put it in his stocking because it fell into the category of “Anything practical a kid asks for in December goes into the Christmas stocking,” and Edward had mentioned in early December that he could use a mechanical pencil, and neither of us were sure what size lead he’d want.

 

This cat tarot deck was another popular gift among kids of this approximate age. This is a recommendation not so much for this particular set (though it was enjoyed), but more for taking anything your particular kid is interested in and putting “_____ tarot deck” into a search box, because there are SO MANY TAROT DECKS.

 

These push-up stands were one of my very few successful material-world gifts for Rob:

It was a couple years ago. When it was far, far too late to obtain them in time, he said “Oh!! Shoot!! I just had a gift idea: I’ve been wanting push-up stands.” I happened to have a set I’d bought for myself and had not yet opened or used—so I ordered another set for myself, and wrapped the ones I had. He was VERY SURPRISED to unwrap them.

 

I have had this cheery toast/toaster nightlight friend in my cart for months and months, because I know it is perfect for SOMEONE but I don’t know who yet:

Just as a little holiday yardstick, I have so far received none holiday cards. Just as another little holiday yardstick, I have so far sent none holiday cards. At least one of those things changes TODAY, when I send the Christmas card to my old college roommate who lives in Canada. I know that card needs to be mailed early; I’ve known for TWENTY-FIVE CONSECUTIVE CHRISTMASES that it needs to be mailed early; and yet I pretty frequently forget to mail it early.

I am still enjoying the decision-making process of choosing a gift for the workplace Yankee Swap. One category of things I am considering: Warm Rock for Cold Lizard. This is a category I have personally become well-acquainted with: ever since entering perimenopause, I am ALWAYS THE WRONG TEMPERATURE. All my adult life I have run WARM, but now I am sometimes Much Too Hot and sometimes Much Too Cold, and the cold is new and unpleasant. I didn’t used to own or wear sweaters AT ALL, and now I own and wear a dozen.

Anyway, this is not a problem for me at work, because I am in an active job—and as soon as I am moving around, I switch right over to Much Too Hot. However, numerous of my co-workers are in jobs where they sit at a desk, and we work in a drafty old building with iffy heating, so they nearly freeze to death. This office-chair warming cushion is out of my intended price range, but Paul bought it for me for my birthday and it has CHANGED MY LIFE:

I can’t testify to its durability, because it has been sitting in a box since my birthday and I only just set it up and started using it as part of a frazzled pre-Christmas tidying of the living room. I CAN say that there is a bit of an issue with the cord: the seat pad plugs in and, because most office chairs have wheels, I kept running over the cord and getting it around the wheels, which is Not Good. I have run it through the arm of the chair and wedged it down in the upholstery to hold it in place, and that seems to be helping, but we’ll see.

Another option, but within the price range, is a Lava Buns:

This is marketed as something you bring with you to sit on in a chilly stadium, but I use it at home: I mostly put it between my back and the back of a chair. It requires microwaving, and we do have a microwave at work, but unfortunately it’s in a remote part of the building; still, someone could bring the pad with them when they went on break, and then come back with it all toasty. And there’s no cord issue.

 

I am also considering the category of Whimsical Things I Would Love To Have an Excuse To Buy. These are RISKY, because not everyone loves a rainbow glitter lava lamp the way I do.

I have one of these and it is so much prettier than in the photo: the glitter sparkles like colored Christmas lights.

Or I’ve been coveting a feather-shaded lamp I keep seeing at HomeGoods. If I bought it for this event…and if everyone else thought it was a funny, funny joke…then maybe I’d get to go home with it!! I would get the one at HomeGoods because it’s prettier than this one (more of a sphere of feathers) and also I imagine the shipping would squash it—but here’s a reference photo of something similar in case you are saying “you’re coveting a WHAT”:

 

Or there’s a purse shaped like an apple. Again: if everyone else thinks it’s a joke, it could be MINE.

 

Or the Ennui Duck the internet keeps showing me as if it knows my heart:

 

It would be a little risky, but when I saw this mug in my recommended products I laughed and laughed and coughed and laughed, and then ordered MYSELF one, so maybe?

I’d pair it with some other things. Maybe a pair of swear socks such as these:

or these:

and then like chocolate or hot cocoa or freeze-dried Skittles or something, just to balance it out.