J. writes:

We need help deciding on a name for our baby boy expected to arrive in February. We have one daughter, Caroline Ellis and our last name is Keely.

We keep going in circles with names we like! I prefer traditional, strong names – but I also wouldn’t mind something that sounds fresh and a little unique. We want to use a family name for at least one of his names. Our daughters middle name is a family name. Family names we like are Lewis, John, William, Charles, Ross & George

Some of our favorite names so far are:

John David – and call him John David. I love this name, but my husband isn’t sold on calling him two names. My father in law and husband are both David, and my grandfather, father and brother are all John (my brother is the only one who goes by John)

Lewis Wells – and call him Wells. I really love Wells at the moment, so any other suggestions of combinations with Wells would be helpful. Lewis is one of our top family picks.

Harris – also really like this one, but not sure of the combination – maybe William Harris??

Charles Lewis – I have always loved Charlie, it is just so popular right now!!

Henry Lewis – Love this one too, but also so popular

George Lewis – Love but not sure if the new prince will increase this names popularity and my husband isn’t sold on this one

Please let us know your thoughts and also if you can think of any other names we should be considering?

Thanks for your help!!!

Have you considered Wells for the first name, especially if you’re going to call him Wells either way? One of my relatives babysits for a boy named Wells, and hearing her talk about him made me realize how well the name works. I think Caroline and Wells is charming. Then you could use a family middle name as you did with your first child. Wells Lewis Keely or Wells David Keely.

All the names on your list seem great, though—I can see why you’re stuck. I have Charles/Charlie on my own list, but I’m not sure about the repeated endings of Charlie Keely: I don’t mind Henry Keely as much because it’s just a repeating vowel sound, but Charlie Keely does the whole -lee. It matters less with a nickname, though, I think.

I notice you have a lot of name candidates ending in S, so I’d add:

Angus
Davis
Elias
James
Julius
Matthias
Miles
Nicholas
Thomas
Tobias

I also wonder if you’d like something like Wilson: similar to William and Wells. Wilson Keely; Caroline and Wilson.

Or you could name him William but nickname him Wills—very close to Wells.

I’d suggest Wesley, but it has that repeated -ley ending issue again.

Katie writes:

I have a name idea that I can’t quite decide on. I was thinking about the name Jolene today and I couldn’t figure out if it sounded dated (along the lines of Joanne) or if it was spunky and refreshing? Whenever I hear it, I think of the Dolly Parton song which I love. I’m wondering if other people have a similar association with the name. Does it sound too “country bumpkin”? Too dated? Is this one of those names that needs another generation or two to sound “refreshing” again?

My guess is that it needs a little more time. It doesn’t sound country bumpkin to me, but that -lene ending puts it in the category with Darlene, Charlene, Pauline, Arlene, Eileen, Kathleen, Colleen. The people I know with those names are about the age of my parents and grandparents (though I know one Colleen my age)—which should mean they could be right on the edge of coming back into fashion, or it could be another generation still. It seems like names come into fashion right around the time no one really knows anyone with that name anymore.

If I wanted to use Jolene as an honor name, though, I think it would work GREAT: both Jo and Lena are nicknames that sound good right now; Jolie (emphasis on second syllable) or Joley (emphasis on first syllable) might work, too. I’d use Jolene before I’d use some of the other -lene names, and I think I’d be pleasantly surprised to see a Jolene on the class list—which may mean it doesn’t need another generation after all (or may just mean I’m pleasantly surprised by retro names). I see there were 293 new baby girls named Jolene in 2012—and it’s been back in the Top 1000 for the past three years, after a 16-year disappearance.

What does everyone else think of the name Jolene?

[yop_poll id=”39″]

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B. writes:

Hi Swistle! I’m not a mommy or mommy to be yet, but I hope to be one day! I have an age old dilemma that I know you’ve addressed many times in your blog – but I have a little bit of an added layer. I am a first generation Indian. I was born in India, but have lived in the states since I was 2. I absolutely adore my native culture. I embrace it as much as I can, and I hope to instill as much of the Indian culture as I can in my future children.

My dilemma is with the Indian names, as I’m sure you’ve already guessed otherwise I wouldn’t be writing to you! I have a very hard to pronounce, spell, wrap your brain around even, kind of traditional Indian name. It is pronounced Bar-guh-vee. To this day, I dread any kind of public calling out of my name. I remember as a child I would get close to panic attacks during first day of school roll call, or when we would have substitute teachers. I quickly learned to predict when my name was next on the alphabetical class list, and I would raise my hand before the teacher even got a chance to get a confused look. Even to this day, as a working professional, I never really got over that anxiety and frustration that comes with my name. I hate having to repeat myself 6-7 times before the name clicks with people. I hate introducing myself during business meetings to new clients. I don’t like the awkwardness of having to let mispronunciations of my name slide for the sake of time. As silly as it may sound to you or your readers, it really did have an effect on me growing up regarding self-esteem and confidence.

I don’t want to bestow the same fate on my children. I want names that they can wear proudly. My parents would absolutely expect Indian names for their grandchildren, I don’t even have to ask. I know there are many beautiful Indian names, but many are hard to pronounce. The ones that are easily crossed over into the American culture such as Annika or Dhruv or Rohan or Priya or Esha are so overdone and just not my style. And I don’t want to pick a name that I don’t love just because it is Indian and easy to pronounce. Even if there were an Indian name that I LOVED but was difficult to pronounce I would go with it, but difficult to pronounce is just not my naming style!

The names that I love are largely American or Western European. Helene, Isla, and Eliza are scrawled in diary entries from years ago as my favorite names. I am just so torn, because I know a part of me would feel like such a fraud and a fake if I gave my child an American name. We had a cousin of ours who named her son a very American name, and I will be the first to admit, I even raised my eyebrows at it a little. My family was definitely not on board with it, and I’m so worried about their reactions. I know the typical advice is, “it’s YOUR baby, name him/her whatever YOU want!” But the Indian family dynamics (or at least mine) are a little more complicated than that. You just don’t tell your parents that their opinions don’t matter. And what’s more, their opinions DO matter to me. I would never ever be fully committed or fully ok with something without their blessing. And on top of that, a name can hold so many cultural ties in it. I want my kids to be proud of their Indian heritage. I don’t want our heritage to dissipate over the next few generations.

Phew! I wrote you an entire book didn’t I?! And I’m not even pregnant yet! I was just curious to see what your or your reader’s opinions on this issue are, or if anyone has gone through this before!

Thanks and much love!

This reminds me of the issue some parents have written to us about naming traditions. The entire family is assuming there will be a little Jupes Elmor Foster VI, but the expectant parents don’t like any of the names or nicknames. Nor do they want to be the ones to break the tradition, and maybe they like the idea of naming traditions, and also the history/connections. And they love that side of the family and don’t want to disappoint or upset or anger or hurt them.

The trouble is that there is no solution that makes everyone happy. They will have to do one or the other: either use a name they wouldn’t otherwise have chosen, or else cause the fuss and disappointment. And that is also the situation you find yourself in: you will have to either use a name you wouldn’t otherwise have chosen, or else cause the fuss and disappointment. Your choice is either to use a name you’d like to use, or else to use a name your parents would like you to use. Going with what your parents want is a completely legitimate choice, just as it is when parents choose to continue the naming tradition set by their ancestors.

You’ve presented the issues very clearly, and I don’t see a solution that will make everyone happy. You want to give your children names they can wear proudly—but first you define this as a name that is not difficult/Indian like yours, and then you define it as a name that connects to your heritage. And so when the time comes to name a baby, you’ll have to look at all the issues and weigh them: which ones weigh more? which ones weigh less? If there is no getting around the Indian family dynamic, then you’ll move to the next hard decision: you’ll have to choose between an easy-crossover Indian name you find boring, or a difficult-to-pronounce Indian name that is also not your style. (Given the choice between “boring and not your style” and “hard to pronounce and not your style,” I think I’d go with boring.)

Are your parents aware that there will likely be a second person involved in naming your children? I will believe you if you tell me they will absolutely expect you to give your children Indian names no matter what, but it seems like by moving you to another country they must have realized that this could end in you marrying someone not from India, and choosing names from the country where you grew up instead of from the country where you were born. It also seems as if they must have considered that the other parent might have pressures from their own family/country, and may want the baby to be proud of that heritage as well, and that this will mean a compromise will need to take place. If this has genuinely not occurred to them, perhaps this time before a baby is on the way would be a nice low-pressure time to bring it up.

If I were you, I think I would also be spending this time looking for a loophole. I don’t know anything about Indian names in general or about what your family would consider acceptable, but I’m thinking along these lines:

1. An Indian name with a nickname that sounds United States-y. For example, your nicknames could be Bee/Bea, or Barb, or Vee. (You could in fact use that method yourself right now for meetings, saying, “Hi! Nice to meet you! Call me Bea!”)

2. An Indian name with the American or Western European middle name you would have used as the first name if there were no family pressures. The child could go by the middle name at school if he/she wanted to. Our school system even has a place on the paperwork for “Name child would like to be called,” which I’m guessing puts the name of choice directly on the first-day-of-school roll-call sheet. (Or the child could use the Indian name, but you could contact the teacher before the school year began and give them a little pronunciation key.)

3. Your choice of American or Western European first name, with an Indian middle name and the understanding that your side of the family will call the child by the Indian name.

4. An Indian name with a more United States-ish spelling, to make it easier to pronounce—the way we change the Irish spelling Catriona to Katrina, or Meadhbh to Maeve.

I think it would also help to separate some issues out a bit. For example, your children can be proud of their Indian heritage and have ties to it, even if they don’t have Indian names. They can find their ties to that heritage becoming diluted even if they do have Indian names. They can be proud of or embarrassed by their names whether those names are Indian or Western European. And “choosing a name you LOVE” is a very United States concept that might be incompatible with the heritage you’re trying to preserve and the family your children will be born into.

Assuming the children’s other parent is okay with it and has no additional heritage issues to incorporate into the name, I’d suggest Indian first names with United States-ish nicknames, and names you love as middle names. I’d spin it as a combination of the two countries you love: “Where we’re from, and where we are now.”

I just finished reading the book Fin & Lady which, as you might have guessed, has a character in it named Lady. My conclusion after reading the book was that the name wouldn’t work for a variety of reasons (turns a name into a title; too lightweight; some people will say it’s a “dog’s name”), but that I was nevertheless finding it tremendously appealing. I wondered if there might be a name that was similar to Lady without sharing its issues.

I started by searching the Social Security data base for names with a “dy” sound at the end:

Addy
Brady
Brandy
Cady
Candy
Cassidy
Cindy
Cody
Goldy
Heidi
Jody
Judy
Kennedy
Lindy
Maddy
Mandy
Melody
Mindy
Sandy
Trudy
Wendy

This list failed to please. For one thing, so many of those names are currently out of fashion. For another thing, none of them feel like they capture the sound of Lady. Melody and Lindy came closest for me.

Perhaps it would be better to look at the first syllable.

Lacey
Laken
Lane
Laney
Layla
Layna
Leia
Leighton

None of those quite do it, either. Lacey came closest for me.

I wondered if we could find similar noun names—but names like Princess and Duchess feel too silly, and names like Elle or Colleen (“she” and “girl,” respectively) ought to be good equivalents but don’t capture the nouny feel I’m looking for.

I think my favorite would be to use the name Adelaide with the nickname Lady/Laidey. But Melody is growing on me by the minute.

Can you think of any other ideas?

For a post later today:

[yop_poll id=”38″]

A. writes:

I love reading your blog and think your feedback is really comprehensive and helpful. I hope that you can help us in our relentless search to find the perfect name and ease my indecision.

My husband and I are eagerly expecting our first child , a girl, in February. Since discovering we’re having a baby girl, we’ve been back and forth between names. Finding a boy’s name was very easy for us, but a girl’s name is proving to be surprisingly difficult.

Our goal is for her name to be feminine, pretty, vintage. We’d like it to stand the test of time, to suit her in both childhood and adulthood. We like “old lady” names that are spelled traditionally. Our surname is a difficult one to spell and pronounce – Mifsud. So, choosing a name that is simple to spell and say is really important.

We plan to have two children and have already picked a boy’s name for future use. We want to choose a girl’s name that would match nicely. The boy’s name we have chosen is Oscar Reuben. We LOVE this name :)

Our finalist names are:

Adeline
Ava
Elsie

Ava – We like that it’s short, feminine, sweet and can’t possibly be misspelled. It gives an old school glamor (think Ava Gardner) that I really love. Because we have a surname that is hard to spell, I enjoy the simplicity of Ava. I like that it has a sweetness to it, but with a spunky edge. However, my reservation is that Ava could be too common and dare I say it, “boring”. I wouldn’t want to use my favorite choice of middle name here, which is Grace, because I know how popular the combination of Ava Grace is. I would probably go for Ava Violet instead (violets being the birth flower of February, when she’s due). I work as a teacher, but am yet to come across a little Ava. Am I alone here? Is Ava actually really overused and I just haven’t come across any as yet? As a teacher, I’m conscious of the fact that certain names become repetitive and want to avoid this for our daughter if possible. I’d hate for her to have to be referred to as “Ava M.”

Adeline – My husband has always loved this one. It has the most syllables of the names on our list, which also opens her up to the nickname Addie, or possibly even Ada. This name has an elegance about it and again, that olden day, glamorous feel. I would also be able to use Grace for her middle name, because I think Adeline isn’t a common choice (I could be wrong, though.) The downsides to consider…firstly, spelling. I worry that due to it being an unusual name, people may spell it “Adaline” instead (which one is the traditional spelling, out of interest – Adeline or Adaline?) Secondly, pronunciation. I want her name to be pronounced “Ad-ah-line”, not “Ad-ah-lyn”. Do you think we’d experience confusion here? Thirdly, is this name too similar to Madeline? I don’t like this name very much (purely because I’ve taught too many Madelines in my time, nothing personal against the name!)

Elsie – This name is pretty, sweet, very “old lady”. It is another name that I believe to be more uncommon than Ava. I think it’s really feminine, but also a little bit spunky. This name has also been the longest standing one on our list of names. I would happily use Grace for her middle name – Elsie Grace has a nice flow to it. But, does Elsie sound too much like a nickname? Will people assume it’s short for Elsa or Elsbeth? Is it too “cutesy” for when she becomes a woman one day (for example, could you see a lawyer named Elsie?) My other consideration is that when people look at her name, would they go to call her Elise instead. I certainly don’t like the name Elise as much, so want to avoid this happening.

I really hope you can enlighten us and help ease my confusion. I know that we still have a few months left to make our decision, but would love to start calling baby Mifsud by her name when we speak to her through my belly :)

The Social Security website can help us out a bit here: nationally, in 2012, here are the rankings of the three names in the U.S.:

Ava: #5
Adeline: #239
Elsie: #397

Ava has been in the Top 10 since 2005; whether it’s likely you’d see them in the classroom would depend on what grade you teach, and your area of the country. If you teach K-3, the wave has hit and you have a good idea of what the popularity of the name means for your area; if you teach grade 4 or higher, it may not yet have arrived. But I have two third graders and a first grader, and so far we have seen only one Ava in a classroom.

While I have not yet encountered this myself, I have been assured that a number of parents are naming their babies Eva but pronouncing it the same as Ava. I don’t know how prevalent this is, but I mention it because of your preference for a name that can’t be spelled any other way.

Adeline is much, much less common than Ava, according to the chart. What the chart doesn’t tell us, though, is that Addy/Maddy names have, as a batch, become very popular. It started with Madison and Addison and Madeline/Madelyn, and now parents are going further and further out to get those nicknames. The name Adeline has been rising rapidly: in 1998 it wasn’t even in the Top 1000, but look how it’s jumped up since then:

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

As Madison led to Addison, Madelyn has led to Adelyn: that name is moving even more rapidly from it’s Top 1000 debut in 2007 (and this shows only one of the many spellings):

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

Because of that rapid rise, and based on the pronunciation confusion that already exists with MadeLINE vs. MadeLIN, I do think the pronunciation of Adeline might be one of the name’s issues. That doesn’t mean it’s off the list, but it would be something to be braced for in advance. The spelling may also be an issue: I do think you’ll see both Adaline and Adeline. The Oxford Dictionary of First Names lists Adeline but not Adaline (Adeline comes from the name Adele), leading me to think that Adeline is the standard/traditional. Usage-wise, the spelling Adeline was given to 1327 U.S. baby girls in 2012, and the spelling Adaline was given to only 138.

If you like Ava and are considering Ada as a nickname for Adeline, one option would be to use Ada.

Elsie is the least common of the three, but it taps into another trend: the quest for names that give the nickname Ella/Ellie. Elsie appeared in the Top 1000 in 2005, when the popularity of the name Ella (#23 that year and still rising) was causing parents to quest for something similar but different (Elsa is rising as well, but less rapidly):

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

We recently covered whether we thought Elsie would be mistaken for Elise, and the consensus was no, it wouldn’t be: Baby Naming Issue: Elise or Elyse?

Elsie does sound nicknamey to me. I would prefer Elsa with the nickname Elsie myself, but plenty of parents are going straight to Elsie. Are you opposed to using Elsa? It eliminates your one concern with the name.

All three names seem to me to go equally well with a potential future brother Oscar. All three names seem to me to pair up nicely, if you have a second girl and want to use a second name from the list. My own top choice based on your preferences would be Elsa with the nickname Elsie. Elsa Mifsud; Elsa and Oscar.

Would you want to consider Grace as the first name? It’s a lovely choice, easy to spell and pronounce, and the nickname Gracie reminds me of Elsie. At #21 in 2012, it’s fairly common, but it’s steadier than the other choices: it’s been hovering in the teens and twenties since 1999, never hitting the Top 10.

Let’s have a poll to see what everyone else thinks:

[yop_poll id=”37″]

L. writes:

I have a question about name popularity.

My own name is very unusual, but it is different from a common name by
only one letter. I have spent my life correcting people and spelling
my name out, and it is a PAIN. I would like to choose a classic, easy
to spell and easy to pronounce name for my child.

At the same time, I have wanted to stay away from really common names.
I remember all the Sara’s and Sarah’s in college and how they all had
to go by their last name. There were even Sara’s rooming with each
other! It seemed like a pain. As an adult, I notice all the Chris’s.
Combined with the women who are Christina and Kristina and go by
Chris or Kris, it is downright confusing! They seem to be everywhere
and you always have to use a last name.

So, I started out trying to avoid the top 50 or so popular names in my
state, and it eliminated many of my top choices. In particular, I
love the name the Jack. But Jack, Jackson, and John all top the
popularity chart in my State. So, I had nixed the name until I read
somewhere that the top names these days account for a much smaller
percentage of babies than they did back when the Chris’s and Sara’s
were born. So, I did the math. In 2012, Jack, Jackson, or John
accounted for a total of 131 births out of 12,754 births in my state.
So, only 1% of births. Theoretically, it seems like at that
percentage, you would have a small chance of having, say, more than
one Jack in a kindergarten class. Or, when he grows up, having his
electrician, his boss, and his plumber all also named Jack.

I will admit, that even after doing the math, I do still feel a little
bit of “everyone will think I’m so boring for choosing a common name.”
But, I think my happiness over being able to use some of the top
names would override that feeling.

I am curious your thoughts and the thoughts and experiences of your
users r.e. common names.

All four of my boys have Top 50 names. One of them has name that was Top 10 in our state the year he was born; in several school years, he has had one or two other boys with the same name in his classroom—but they are the same boys. That is, it’s not that there are so very many Williams that he’s very likely to have two or three in his class, it’s that there are two other Williams in his same grade who are frequently in the same class with him while other classrooms have zero Williams because his classroom is hogging them all. There were nearly twice as many Jacobs born in our state that same year, and yet he hasn’t had two Jacobs in a classroom.

My other three boys have names more in the 30s rankings, and so far none of them have ever had a boy with the same name in their classroom.

I did worry slightly that people would find the names boring—but on the other hand, when I considered less-common names I worried people would find them weird, so I found I worried either way. And what I found after naming all my babies and reacting to all my friends and relatives naming THEIR babies is that hardly anyone really cares what you name your baby. They might have a few seconds of thinking, “Oh, great, ANOTHER _____” or “Wow, that’s pretty unusual!”—but it will be a fleeting reaction, because they don’t deep-down care.

As you can imagine, I am VERY KEEN to see the class list every year, and usually I have to wait until Valentine’s Day to see it. It is not uncommon to have two children with the same name in a classroom. But it is not uncommon NOT to have any duplicates, either: many class lists come home without a single duplicate. More often there are two children with similar names: a Madison and a Madelyn who both go by Maddy, for example, or a Jaiden and an Aiden, or a Kayla and a Mikayla.

As you’ve found in your research, the current top baby names are not as common as the top names were when we were growing up. Jennifer, for example, was given to over FOUR PERCENT of baby girls at its peak—that’s FOUR TIMES the number of Jack, Jackson, and John COMBINED for current babies in your state. The name Sarah was a Top 10 name from 1978 until 2002—TWENTY-FIVE CONSECUTIVE YEARS of being in the Top 10! Combined with the spelling Sara (which didn’t hit the Top 10, but was Top 50 from 1976 until 1999), that is a LOT of Sara/Sarah—especially in settings where the popular sound of the name was made even more appealing by religious significance.

The only thing that might come close to that today is the -aden name trend (Aiden, Brayden, Caden, Hayden, Jaiden, etc.) or the Maddy/Addy trend (Madison, Madelyn, Addison, Adelyn, etc.). No single name gets anywhere close.

And with a traditional choice like John or Jack, popular for generations or even for thousands of years, I don’t think you’ll be sorry: a name that suddenly hits the Top 10 and then ducks right back out is one thing, but an enduringly popular classic is quite another.

********

Have you given your child a relatively common name—a name you KNEW was relatively common when you chose it? (It can be quite a different thing to choose a name not knowing it was or would soon be so common.) What has been your experience with that?

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