Dear Swistle,

Please help! My husband and I our expecting our first child in late August. We don’t know the gender, but have easily settled on a couple of options for a girl’s name and we thought we had settled on a boy’s name ages ago, but now we’re facing the oldest naming dilemma in the book: We’ve had the perfect name for us in mind for years—Silas—and now it’s getting really popular.

Popularity per se doesn’t bother me, but excessive trendiness and date-stamping do, so what I’m hoping you and your excellent readers can help me figure out is how our chosen name reads and how trendy/date-stamped it’s going to feel decades from now.

Years ago, we decided on Silas for a hypothetical future son because the Biblical association was very meaningful for us; because it has a long history; because it’s not aggressively masculine but still distinctively a man’s name; and because it’s relatively easy to spell and pronounce. (We have a hyphenated last name that starts with a one-syllable word that sounds like Rau. The second word is two syllables and starts with an H. Neither is spelled or pronounced intuitively.) Finally, we liked that the name was familiar but not over-saturated.

But, of course, in the past seven years since we settled on Silas, the name has gone from being ranked in the mid-300s on the SAA list with 937 births nationally to being ranked #116 with 3367 births. In the part of the US where we live, it’s even more popular: #72, #78, and #70 our tri-state region. I don’t yet know of any Silases in our particular community, and I wouldn’t even mind if I did know of a few others unless they were in our immediate circle of friends or lived on our block. I had even anticipated that the name would become more popular for a variety of reasons; what I did not anticipate was Duck Dynasty, where Uncle Si is a featured character and has given the name a bump I wasn’t expecting (and an association that I don’t really care for.)

I should also say that, even without DD, we weren’t planning on calling him “Si” regularly. Although we wouldn’t be opposed to his name being shortened for ease occasionally, we don’t love the nickname. (Although that’s also a question we have: Some names—even two-syllable names—seem to get shortened automatically. Will that happen with Silas? Will we become those parents who spend decades insisting that Chris is really Christopher?)

Again, it’s not the popularity I mind—it’s the type of popularity or what that popularity will communicate to others. I read (or have read) Silas as being part of a trend of slightly antique-sounding Biblical names—like Ezra, Levi, or Micah—and I’m okay with that; I also saw it as connected to those gentler gentlemanly s-ending names, like Miles, Lucas, etc. But with the sharpness of its rise in popularity, I’m worried that I’m reading Silas wrong or that there are other readings of the name that I don’t see. Specifically, I’m worried about Duck Dynasty becoming its major and defining association. My husband thinks that it’s Biblical roots and long history trump Duck Dynasty, as well as any other trendiness it might be gathering and will keep it from feeling too painfully of-its-moment in the decades ahead. (We don’t want to it become the 2010s equivalent of what Willard was in the 1910s or Chad was in the 1970s.) We would really appreciate thoughts—and even some consensus—from you and your readers. Our two big questions are:

1) Do people associate the name Silas with Duck Dynasty (and, if not, what are their associations/sense of the name)?

2) Will Silas’s popularity now make it seem dated and passé in the future or does its origin and history give it more longevity?

We’re feeling short on other finalist names at the moment—this one has been “The Name” for so long—but our next top contender is Whitman (although that has its own set of issues for us). We also like Everett, Wesley, and August. We like but have had to rule out Theo, Isaac, Lincoln, Henry, and Emil. If this baby is a girl, her name will likely be Pearl, June, or Clara. We don’t care for Cyrus, which a few people have suggested as an alternative.

We would be so grateful to hear your thoughts on this and insights from your commentators, too and maybe also a poll about the Silas/Duck Dynasty connection (or just about Silas’s trendiness in general.)

Many thanks!

The RHs

The trouble with questions about the future of a name is that none of us can answer them. We can all guess, and some of our guesses will be right, but we’ll have to wait and see who wins—and by then those babies we helped name will be grown and worrying about THEIR babies’ names.

Back when I first heard the name Braden, I didn’t guess that it would become a “one of the -adens” name. When I first heard the name Noah on a little boy, I would never have predicted it would be #1 in 2013. I remember thinking Olivia was a very daring choice (I had a very strong association with Olivia from Sesame Street), and I remember thinking Jack/Max/Sam sounded extremely fresh and new. I know how I felt about those names back then, and I know how I feel about them now, but I STILL don’t know how I’ll feel about them in another fifteen or twenty years.

“How a name will feel later on” is one of the hardest categories to predict. All the parents choosing the name Jennifer as a distinctive and unusual name had no idea we’d be looking back on it mostly for its abundance. Names chosen for their youth and glamor back in the 1940s now seem like Grandparent Names. I can look at the chart of Silas and try to guess if its popularity line will continue, but trying to guess the image people will have of the name in 30 years is like trying to guess how our fashions will look to people in 30 years: some of our clothes will seem like good choices, most will seem like boring and unfashionable choices, and some will have our children and grandchildren wheezing with laughter and unable to BELIEVE that ANYONE would EVER wear such a thing.

There is reassurance here, though: when there’s no way to know, there’s no need to spend too much time worrying about it. We can try to choose our current clothes based on what our grandchildren will think of them later, but I’d say that’s a waste of time and a shaky goal. We do want to do our best to choose names that will wear well over time, and we can apply some good solid sense to that process, but most of it is still guesswork: we can’t know how date-stamped a name will seem later, when we’re still in the middle of its fashionable time. Maybe in 30 years the name Silas will seem like “part of that whole Hipster Biblical trend,” or maybe Duck Dynasty will have made it seem like a hunting/beards kind of name, or maybe we’re on the verge of an -as trend and THAT will be its most identifying factor, or maybe it’ll be one of those satisfying choices that is in fashion at the time but never baffles/amuses anyone later on. None of us want to look FOOLISH with our choices, but I don’t think the name Silas will make you look foolish.

I think it helps to think about how few names HAVE ended up looking foolish. I can think of many that seem linked to a certain generation, but very few that are therefore embarrassing: names just naturally come in and out of fashion like that, and there’s no avoiding it. The name Henry was once extremely common, then became old-mannish, then became startlingly fresh and new, then became the kind of name where parents wonder if it’s too common to use—and soon, as all those baby Henrys grow up and become grandparents, the name will once again seem old-mannish, because all the HENRYS will be old mannish. It’s the life-cycle of names.

I don’t know if Silas will be shortened to Si/Sy or not, but I don’t think you’ll have to fight it the way you would have had to in the 1970s if you wanted a Christopher-not-Chris. Now is a good time to use a name without a nickname,: some kids use them, but many choose not to. A Jonathan can easily be a Jonathan, not a Jon or a Jonny; a James can easily be a James, not a Jim or Jimmy or Jamie. But whether an individual person is called by a nickname depends on a number of factors, including whether the person in question likes it or not. The name Silas doesn’t seem like an automatic-shorten name to me: I can see people using Si/Sy, but it’s not as intuitive a combination as Jackson/Jack or Samuel/Sam.

You mention the current hipness of biblical names, and that’s one that interests me, too. I remember thinking of biblical names in two categories: the ones that were so common they didn’t even seem like biblical names (Matthew, David, Andrew) and the ones that were way too biblical to use for an actual child (Ezekiel, Ezra, Moses)—and THAT sure changed. And now we have a new question to answer: how will these names look to us when we’re looking back on them? Will we see them as hip trendy names, or will they keep their biblical/ancient reputations? Or both? Or perhaps we won’t we give it much thought at all, because all those names will just feel like the regular names people have.

For me, the primary association with Silas is the Biblical Name category. I might wonder if the parents’ motivation was primarily fashion or primarily faith, but that’s the association for me. I don’t think of Duck Dynasty—but then, I haven’t seen the show, and that makes a huge difference. I agree with your husband, though, that the long history of the name is very likely to trump any short-term association. Even if, briefly, the name is associated with a television show, I don’t think that’s going to STICK the way thousands of years of usage will.

It may very well seem a little dated later on, however. Most names do. Even classics go in and out of style: remember when the name William felt classic but not at all fashionable? Very few names escape this, just as very few clothing items stay in fashion decade after decade: there’s a natural tendency to get tired of something and move on to the next thing. The difference is between the things we come back to again and again, and the things we feel grateful we weren’t photographed wearing. With a name like Silas, history shows us that the name goes in and out of style but we keep pulling it out for re-use; that’s a very good sign for its future.

Let’s cut-and-paste your two main questions here again, to remind commenters:

1) Do people associate the name Silas with Duck Dynasty (and, if not, what are their associations/sense of the name)?

2) Will Silas’s popularity now make it seem dated and passé in the future or does its origin and history give it more longevity?

And let’s have a poll to help us answer the first question:

[yop_poll id=”56″]

Hi! We are expecting a baby any time now actually.. Due date is July 17th. My husband has two children/I have two step children. They are Henry James and Nora Isabel. Last name is Hussey. We seem to be leaning towards something traditional in keeping with the other children’s name.

I don’t really like names that are easily converted to a nickname, and especially not one where the assumption from the start is that we have named the child one thing with the intent of just going by a nickname anyway. Of course I understand people’s tendency to shorten names anyway.

We don’t know if we are having a girl or boy so have chosen both. My husband is quite happy with the choice of Elliot for a son. I was too until I made the big mistake of sharing this with a friend who immediately said “Elliot smelliot”. Now that has turned me off. I really like Nate. My concern is if he’ll be asked constantly when he’s older whether that’s short for something. We are thinking middle name of James after my husband & his grandfather. I think it’s fine if two siblings share a middle name. Correct? Brody is another consideration but then we wouldn’t go for James as a middle name (BJ!). Also, do you think Elliot James is just asking for the nickname EJ? I’d like a name that won’t be considered geeky as he gets older. I like Aidan but my husband does not. I’m mentioning this because neither of us in general like the trend towards Irish names, especially oddly spelled (ie Colm)

For a girl we really like Olivia. My concern is that it seems to be super popular right now. Will there be 10 Olivia’s in her class? We haven’t talked much about middle names but I like Hope since that’s the meaning of my first name (so giving her my name in a way that’s different than directly giving her my name). I also like Leia (pronounced like the princess from Star Wars) but we think she’ll get asked to Spell her name a lot. Or, get her name mispronounced a lot. Other considerations are Sophia (again really popular) and some that I like but I’m not sure my husband does such as Lola, Violet, Parker and Vivian.

I also want to give the child my last name (Bonamin) as a 2nd middle name since I have not changed my last name and feel it would be a nice connection. However, I don’t expect them to use it all the time, especially in general conversation.

Any advice?!

Thanks!

I feel a little mad at your friend who said Elliot-Smelliot. For one thing, it feels to me as if we could do that to many names if we wanted to: Liam-PEEum or Lucas-PUKE-as or Emma-PHLEGM-a or Abigail-FLABigail or Justin-PUStin or Nicholas-DICKolas or Richard-BITCHard or Kristen-PISSten. “Being able to find an unappealing word that rhymes with one of the syllables” is not a reason to strike a name off the list, and it seems like people find rhymes like that when they want to spoil a name for someone else. On the other hand, I understand the impulse: I myself like to warn people if a potential issue jumps out at me, and would myself want to think ahead of time about situations such as Cooper-POOPer.

If it is helpful to have one person’s experience, I took care of an Elliot when I worked in a daycare, and “Ell rhymes with smell” didn’t come up or cross my mind. Granted, I am not speaking from an elementary-school point of view here: infants don’t taunt each other much with name-calling. But still: with the current popularity of Ell- names, if it’s an issue for him at least he’ll be in good company. He and Ellie-Smelly and Isa-SMELL-a can eat lunch together.

The name Elliot seems like a beautiful style match with Henry and Nora. The name Brody feels like less of a good fit: modern and surnamey with the two vintage-appeal classics.

I don’t think a Nate would find it a constant overwhelming hassle to be asked if his name was short for something. It would probably come up about as often as I have to clarify that my name ends in -en not -in—which is to say, regularly but not overly often, and not in an way that makes me wish I’d been named something else. Still, Nate seems a little abrupt and nicknamey to me with the sibling names.

Do you like the name Oliver? It feels similar to Elliot. Oliver Hussey; Henry, Nora, and Oliver.

Or the two names I always think of with Elliot are Everett and Emmett. Everett Hussey; Henry, Nora, and Everett. Emmett Hussey; Henry, Nora, and Emmett.

Or Simon would be nice. Simon Hussey; Henry, Nora, and Simon.

Or Ethan. Ethan Hussey; Henry, Nora, and Ethan.

Or I like the name John and I think it gets overlooked. John Hussey; Henry, Nora, and John.

I think it’s fine and even sweet for two siblings to share the same middle name. If Henry is old enough to be asked, I think it would be a good idea to ask him how he feels about it. It could be something that makes him feel more connected to the baby, or it may feel as if the baby is taking something that used to be his.

On a recent post, someone made a comment that assumed that someone with a J- middle name would be called by their first two initials, but it’s not something I’ve encountered. The resulting discussion indicated that it may be a regional thing or a generational thing. I don’t think it would just happen, unless you have a family that is known to do it or you live somewhere where it’s automatically done. Is Henry ever called H.J.? Does anyone else in your circle of friends and family have a J- middle name and a resulting _.J. nickname that came about naturally (rather than because the parents chose it as the nickname)?

There won’t be ten Olivias in her classroom, but the name Olivia has been in the Top 10 since 2001 so you’ll likely encounter a fair number of them over the years. The current usage is at .9562% of new baby girls. This means that approximately 1 new baby girl out of 100 is named Olivia, nationally-speaking. If a classroom has roughly 30 children in it and roughly half of them are girls, this means there is a national average of roughly 1 Olivia per 6-7 classrooms. Regional differences and random chance make it not unlikely that some years she will go by Olivia H. or Olivia Hope, but that seems like it would be fine.

If you’d like something with a similar sound but less popularity, I suggest Lydia.

I notice a lot of v-sounds on your girl list (Olivia, Vivian, Violet), so I’d also suggest Eva, Evelyn, Genevieve, and Silvia.

Christie writes:

Dear Swistle,
I am in desperate need of your help. My third child is due at the end of September. We are not finding out the gender and I think that is part of the naming issue. Sibling names are Lance Martin and Genevieve Karina. Last name is Welch, pronounced like the grape juice.

Our naming rules:
1. I don’t want anything in the top 100. I know you don’t see this as an issue but my first name is Christie and I hated going by Christie P during elementary school.
2. I don’t like “made up” names. I prefer not as popular names but ones that people will know how to pronounce and have more of a classic sound.
3. I’m indifferent on nicknames. We call Lance and Genevieve by their full names.

For middle names we use family names. If the baby is a boy it will be Bradford or Christopher. If the baby is a girl I would like to use some variation of Anne. My current favorite is Analee or Annelise. For several reasons we will not use any of these as a first name.

Here is our list of possibilities but I don’t love any of them and some break our rules.
Girl-Scarlett, Kinley, Bianca, Colette, Lydia
Boy-Griffin, Donovan, Maxwell, Preston, Harrison

I am hoping you can give me feedback on these as well as new options. I’m finding it difficult to find a name that fits with the other two. I want to hear a name and just love it like I did with the other two but so far I have exhausted the internet and don’t love anything!

Thank you!

Bianca stands out to me from your girl-name list. Unusual, lovely, and a great sister name with Genevieve. My inclination would be to stop right there. Kinley feels too modern/surnamey with Genevieve; Scarlett too feels like a very different style than the other names, and I don’t like the way it runs together with the surname to make a twelch sound. A few more possibilities to consider:

Cecily Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Cecily
Clarissa Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Clarissa
Claudia Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Claudia
Cordelia Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Cordelia
Elena Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Elena
Eliza Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Eliza
Eloise Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Eloise
Francesca Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Francesca
Emmeline Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Emmeline
Philippa Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Philippa
Sabrina Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Sabrina
Simone Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Simone

For her middle name, I would steer you away from Analee: those first four letters followed by the -ly sound seem like a poor combination. Doubling the N or using the double name Anna Lee would help considerably, though I’d prefer to avoid the whole issue and use a different version of Anne.

On your boy-name list, I’d cross off Maxwell for the echoed “well” sound with the surname. Harrison is my favorite, but it feels quite long as a brother name for Lance. I think I would go for something similar but a little shorter, such as Harris or Davis—though I’m not crazy about the way a soft -s at the end of the first name leads to a swelchy sound with the surname. Here are some more possibilities to consider:

Dane Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Dane
Dean Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Dean
Edmund Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Edmund
Emmett Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Emmett
Everett Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Everett
Hugo Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Hugo
Keane Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Keane
Keaton Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Keaton
Milo Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Milo
Reid Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Reid
Ruben Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Ruben
Simon Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Simon
Tobin Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Tobin
Turner Welch; Lance, Genevieve, and Turner

Anne writes:

Hi Swistle,

I am a first time mom expecting the arrival of a baby girl on October 2nd. We have been thinking of names without really falling in love, but have finally agreed on one we both really like: Isobel.

I love the spelling, as we both have Scottish heritage and I spent a fondly remembered semester in Scotland during college. Here is my concern, our last name is Wells. Is this too rhymey? Should I not worry because she would likely be called Izzy?

Other names we have considered are Zelda (the name of my paternal grandmother, also a bit rhymey), Martha, Abigail (I don’t love it enough to overcome the popularity factor), and Ivy (which I love, but was the first name of my husband’s abusive, alcoholic grandfather).

So, could Isobel Wells be given the green light with the right middle name? Help! I need some reassurance that our daughter’s name won’t sound like it came from a Dr. Suess book!

Thank you for your help!

Isobel Wells has a slightly rhymey sound to me, but nothing in the Dr. Seuss range. I would be inclined to advise you to go ahead and use it, except that many -bel/-bella names end up going by Bella, and I am not as fond of the sound of Bella Wells. Perhaps the surname would be enough to prevent that nickname and she WOULD always be Izzy, but it’s hard to know what will happen with nicknames.

I am also alerted by your sentence about not loving Abigail enough to overcome the popularity factor. The name Isobel/Isabelle/Isabella was a bit of a popularity phenomenon, running up the charts so quickly it caught the notice even of people not interested in baby names. I think it’s likely that your statement about Abigail tells us that you DO love the name Isobel enough to overcome the popularity factor, but thought I should mention it just in case. Searching for Isobel in the Social Security Administration’s data base would bring up the misleading information that it was not in the Top 1000, which doesn’t give a good indication of how popular the name FEELS with Isabella in the Top 10 for the last decade. The other names on your list show me that in general you’d prefer an uncommon name.

I wonder if Isadora would be a better fit. It’s quite uncommon; it has the nickname Izzy; there are no rhyminess issues. Isadora Wells.

Or Imogen, with the nickname Immy.

Zelda Wells also passes the Dr. Seuss test for me, and it avoid the issues with the nickname Bella. I like that it’s a family name. My only hesitation would be the popular Zelda video game series, but it’s a cool association rather than a negative one.

It’s too bad about Ivy. Do you like Iris or Ida or Irene or Eileen? Or perhaps something like Genevieve with the nickname Evie.

Would you want to revisit the idea of Martha? I notice it’s the only name on your list without an issue after it in parentheses. Martha Wells has no rhyminess at all, and the name Martha is quite uncommon at #803 in 2013.

[Edited to add:] Or would you like Ruth? I’ve encountered two little girls named Ruth over the last few years and it struck me very positively. Both of them often go by Ruthie. Ruth Wells, Ruthie Wells.

Update on Baby Naming Issue: West Bestest!
Update on Baby Girl or Boy Stinson; Choosing the Whole Naming Philosophy!
Update (and photo!) on Baby Girl Foster, Sister to Qui11@n Edw@rd!

E. writes:

Dear Swistle,

We are expecting our second (and probably last) child—a boy—in November. We like unusual, distinctive names that are not trendy, and we agonized over our first son’s name, eventually landing on the name Gray. We adore his name but now feel like we used up our one good name that we could both enthusiastically agree on.

Our last name sounds like Harrison, so all of the names that end in son (Jackson, Emerson, etc.) are out. Our surname also has an unusual spelling which can make it hard to pronounce, so we want to keep the first name easy to spell and pronounce.

I think our sweet spot for names would be unsung classics, or unusual new names that still sound like they could be classics, like Gray. We’re Jewish, and we like names of Hebrew origin but couldn’t find one we were happy with the first time around. We also like names that reference nature, and great literary characters or authors.

Names that I like that my husband has vetoed (but could still be in the running as a middle name):
Stanley (family name on my side, so has special meaning to me)
Oscar
Arlo
Asa
Honor
Asher
Elijah

Names we considered and rejected the first time around (read as: couldn’t get past feeling lukewarm about):
Dov
Fable

If we were having a girl, we were almost agreed on the name Flora. We also love the name Alice.

Can you suggest any unusual, distinctive boy names for us?

Thanks!

I suggest Reid—or Reed, if you want to increase the nature feeling of it. Reid Harrison; Gray and Reid. I like how it has four letters and one syllable just like Gray, and both are word names. It’s easy to pronounce, and is similar to Gray/Grey in spelling difficulty.

I also suggest Dean. Dean Harrison; Gray and Dean.

And Nolan. Nolan Harrison; Gray and Nolan.

Kelly writes:

Hi, I would really love some help with this.

I’m in the process of changing my name but I’m feeling a bit stuck and was hoping for some suggestions. My name is currently Kelly and I have a European surname my dad is from Germany.

Kelly has never felt right and most people will say after getting to know me that I don’t look like a Kelly and people tend to forget my name. I was meant to be named something more European but my mother didn’t feel happy with this as she was very anglo so I got called Kelly. My mother abandoned me when I was 9 so I don’t feel any ties to her and her name for me. I have disliked my name for a very long time 20+ years and I feel compelled to finally change it after using the name on non important things for some time and feel that it is the right fit for me.

My middle name is Anne so I’m changing my name to Anna which is a nice version of Anne. I’m telling people that I’m going by my middle name and it feels right and they don’t seem to question me but now I’m stuck as to what to use for a middle name. Does Ann sound strange? I was thinking about using a y name as I like the way that it looks as an initial I will be using my initials a lot with my work. I’m in a creative industry so I feel free to do what ever I I choose without much question but I don’t want to find myself feeling regretful after I change it officially. Like a tattoo that is though to be so interesting now but later on what on earth was I thinking!

My most common reaction from people when I tell them that I’m going by my middle name is ok cool, or great or good on you it suits you but what are you going to use for your middle name? I have thought of Yasmina, Ann, Aquila after a family member but other than that I’m lost. I don’t want to keep the name Kelly at all. I don’t like the letter k very much.

I’m very visual and I like the look of O’s A’s Y’s and W’s. Should I leave the Anne so i’m not changing my name too much or do you think its better to say while you are going through he process give yourself a new middle name as well, why not!

I would really love to hear some suggestions. It’s very different choosing names as an adult that for a child so much easier to sound contrived and get it wrong.

kind regards

Kelly (at the moment)

I’m glad you specified that you didn’t want to keep the Kelly part of the name at all, because my very first thought was to switch the first and middle names: Anna/Anne/Ann Kelly, there, done, let’s go out for doughnuts!

If I were you, I think I would start by having a conversation with your dad. If he would have preferred to name you something more European, he may very well still remember what the contenders were. For adult name changes, I like the idea of choosing something else off the parents’ lists—something that could actually have been the person’s given name if things had gone a little differently. Are there relatives your parents might have wanted to name you after? What Y-names and W-names does your dad like? I think it might feel more like your Real Name if your dad helps choose it.

I would also go to the Social Security Administration’s website (if you are from the United States; if you are from another country, I’d look at that country’s name data), scroll down to the “Popular Names by Birth Year” tab, enter your birth year, and go down the list. Write down any that appeal to you or have meaning for you.

I’m having trouble figuring out if you’re asking if you should keep Ann/Anne as your middle name when you change your first name to Anna: i.e., Anna Ann. If that’s what you’re asking, I do think that seems strange and that something else should be chosen.

My guess is that you’ll be most content with your name change if you feel like there was a reason to choose each name. If the conversation with your dad isn’t possible or doesn’t lead anywhere helpful, I’d look for other significant influences in your life. Do you have any role models in your field—people who began or changed the industry, or whose work inspired you to join it? Any favorite authors or artists or actors or politicians or activists? An aunt or grandmother you were particularly close to? Any women who stepped into your life when your mom stepped out? Any family surnames that would make good middle names? Any names that crop up again and again among the women in your family?

This next suggestion depends on how the rest of your mom’s family has been. If for example they were horrified by your mother’s behavior and have been very active and involved in your life, I might suggest looking for a name from that side of the family, since your surname is from your dad’s side of the family.

When you have some finalists, I’d do the Naming Story Test: because you’re changing it yourself, it feels even more important that the naming story sound right. As you say, it’s easy to end up sounding contrived. Something like “Anna was my middle name, and Jean is my grandmother’s name” works. So does something like “Anna was my middle name, and then I chose Michelle for my Aunt Michelle who did so much for me.” Or “Anna was my middle name, and Weiss is a family name.”

Another option is to have no middle name, or just an initial. It’s not very common, but I’ve encountered it often enough to be familiar with it. It would be a hassle to go through the process twice, but this would also leave things open to put a name in there later if the right one occurred to you.

Without a surname to work with, it’s difficult to offer specific suggestions. But I think even with a surname I’d be at a loss: to make a list, I’d want to talk to your dad, poke around in your family tree, and so on.

S. writes:

My husband and I are extremely excited to be expecting our first baby in about 4 weeks. We feel as prepared as we can be but can’t seem to settle on a name we both like. We got a late start in the family-making business so this could be our first and last baby but we are hopeful for at least one more. I hope that we can come to an agreement on both first and middle names in the coming weeks and I love how helpful your site is to so many people. Hoping you can help us too!

We know it is a boy and his last name will be Ilic (pronounced ee-litch). The last name is of Croatian decent. My husband is passionate about honoring his Croatian heritage.

I am passionate about boys name from the South such as Wyatt, Jackson, Macallister. Although my husband is absolutely against the names Wyatt and Jackson.

The first name that is getting the most discussion these days is Milan, pronounced Me-lan. This is a Croatian name that is relatively easy to pronounce and spell compared to the other options. And, it is an improvement from his original suggestion so maybe this is where we will have compromise.

We are open to more first name suggestions if you have them but are really needing your help in the middle name category. It seems like names with 3 to 4 syllables sound best with the first name Milan but that has led to a pretty narrow field of choices. Are we overlooking some good shorter names?

Middle names being considered thus far are:

Macallister
Alexander
Aleksander

We are having a hard time coming up with much else especially with other Southern or Southern-like names that work well. We think that Milan Alexander Ilic sounds the most fluid but it is probably the name that I am least passionate about. I really like the name Macallister but am wondering if it is odd to have the two names starting with M, Milan Macallister Ilic. It is possible that we would end up using a nickname and I like Mac or Alek for that. The nickname is not a requirement though.

As you can see, our choices are few right now (as is our time is short!) so your help in expanding our choices or helping us decide between the options we have would be greatly appreciated.

What I notice first is that the child’s surname will ALREADY honor his Croatian heritage. Having the first name ALSO honor the Croatian heritage seems imbalanced, unless both sides of the family have a Croatian background.

From your letter I’m not sure how you feel about things. Maybe the strength of your husband’s preferences is making it seem as if he ought to get his way even though it’s not what you want. It sounds to me as if you both feel like you’re compromising, and yet all the compromising is done from the starting point of what your husband wants (“It has to be Croatian”), rather than starting with what you both want. I could be reading this completely wrong: perhaps a Croatian name is also one of your own preferences. It sounds, though, as if Milan Ilic is the child’s very Croatian name, and your own passionate preferences have been pushed into the almost invisible middle name spot.

If it has been agreed between the two of you that the child’s first AND last name will honor his father’s family and preferences, I would definitely push for the middle name being almost completely your choice. If you are passionate about Southern names, then I would suggest choosing one of those (after removing the ones your husband most dislikes). Milan Macallister Ilic seems like a great choice. I don’t see any issue with two names starting with the same letter, and in fact in this case I really like the sound of it.

I would also think ahead to potential sibling names. If you choose a Croatian name for your first child and you do have a second child, will the second child also have to have a Croatian first name for the sibling names to sound right to you? If so, even though time is short, I might advise re-thinking this whole idea. My own preference, if this were happening with my own husband, would be to use a Croatian middle name and a non-Croatian first name. This feels more balanced to me (though still quite weighted toward what your husband wants): a first name from a category both parents like; a strongly Croatian middle name and surname to meet your husband’s preferences. This would also allow for a much wider range of Croatian names; perhaps your husband could have one of the ones he likes best (after removing the ones you most dislike), rather than settling for an easier-to-spell/pronounce choice.

Kristina writes:

Hello Swistle!
Though I am not expecting, I follow your blog religiously and am known to say things like “Well Swistle says…” when talking to friends about baby names. My boyfriend and I have been talking about future baby names and we don’t agree on almost anything. During a discussion, the name Annabelle came up and he actually liked it! This coming from a man who suggested Linda, and followed up with “What’s wrong with Linda?”*

Annabelle was the name of my dog we had for 15 years from when I was 1 to 16. We called her Annie and I loved her. But, because we had her for so long, my family and many of my friends know we had a dog named Annabelle. Would it be too much to use for a baby? Have any of your readers named a Max or Charlie or Daisy after having a childhood pet of the same name?

Thank you for your thoughts!
Kristina

*What IS the deal with Linda? It seems like it should work, has the LIN of many popular names and the -a ending of Emma and Amelia and Sophia, but no one uses it!

Let’s start with what the deal is with Linda. I’d say the primary deal is that it was in the Top 10 from 1940 until 1965 (it’s famous for being the name that finally booted the name Mary from its long-held #1 spot), so it’s a Mom Name or a Grandma Name now. It’s very likely to come back into style, but not yet; I’d look for it among your grandchildren or great-grandchildren.

A secondary issue is that although it ends in -a, what it really ends in is -da. The -da ending is not currently in style: Melinda, Miranda, Belinda, Ida, Wanda, Lucinda, Brenda, Amanda, Freda, Glenda, Hilda, Rhonda, Rhoda—all names to look for again in the future, but not popular right this minute. The only ones I can think of that would be fashionable for current babies are Matilda and Ada. Matilda is a bit of a style outlier: fashionable in part because it’s not fashionable; Ada is likely piggybacking on the popularity of Ava.

And although the name Linda has the Lin- sound, it has it at the beginning of the name, when the current fashion is more likely to have it at the end.

I think it would be fine to use a childhood pet’s name. Pets, I’ve noticed, often get the names that are just about to come into style: the ones that still seem a little too out-there to actually use for a baby, but in about ten or fifteen years will be THE hit names. (Plus, many people acquire animals before they have children, and use their favorite names without thinking ahead.) I named cats George and Oliver, names I thought were safe because I wouldn’t ever want to use them on a baby—until about fifteen years later, when I was agonizing to Paul about how we just COULDN’T use those names…could we? We decided no, not while the cats were still on this mortal coil. But it was mostly because Paul said his mother would never let us hear the end of it. “She’ll say, ‘The boy who was named after a cat, har har!,’ and she’ll keep saying it,” said Paul convincingly. If it hadn’t been for that, we might have gone ahead: the cats’ time with us was bound to be shortish at that point, and I didn’t think anyone else would give us any trouble about it.

But if we’d wanted to use the names of our childhood cats (well, the names of MY childhood cats: Paul’s cats were named Licorice and Butterscotch and you will NEVER GUESS what colors they were, oh wait you will guess instantly), we definitely would have gone ahead with that. For one thing, at this point I find I don’t really remember the names of my friends’ childhood pets; my guess is that most other people aren’t keeping that information on file either, or even remembering the names of our CURRENT pets. But if I imagine one of my friends using the name of a pet for a child, I can’t picture myself having much of a reaction to it: mild interest, followed by forgetting about it. If I used such a name, I’d be prepared for a brief startled reaction (“Like Annie!!”) and perhaps a brief conversation on the interesting topic, but that’s it. I would think ahead of time of some Things To Say, such as “I know! But we loved the name, and of course Annie just made me love the name even more.” It helps in this case that you called her Annie: perhaps many people will remember her that way, and not even make the connection with the name Annabelle.

I too would be interested to know if anyone here has in fact named a child the same name as a childhood pet. I’d like to hear the stories: if you struggled with the idea of using a former (or current) pet’s name; what the reactions were and how quickly that stopped; etc.

Lauren writes:

When my husband and I became pregnant with our first baby in December, I became an avid fan of your baby naming blog. Now as we get closer to the due date, the pressure is on to come up with a name. I would love to hear your thoughts (or the thoughts of your readers!) to help guide us. Our last name is Steffel (pronounced st-eh-ful), and our first baby (a girl!) is due at the end of August. We hope to have a second child someday, but haven’t given much thought to possible sibling names as of yet.

I thought we had narrowed down the names to two: Juniper Maribel Steffel or Wilder Iris Steffel, but now my husband is getting cold feet about both, and asking that we go back to the drawing board. Juniper has such fun nicknames (Junie, June Bug), and Maribel was the county my husband and I were married in. Wilder seems uncommon enough that you don’t immediately associate it with a boy’s name, and I think the feminine-sounding Iris ensures this. We both don’t mind the wild connotation.

We want a name that sounds a bit out of the ordinary, and tend to like names that are nature-inspired (although not a requirement). My husband and I are both teachers, so having an unusual name makes it less likely that either of us already has had a student that it reminds us of. I want our baby to have a fun nickname, so I have ruled many names out that I can’t figure out a nickname for (or are too short for a nickname). That might be short-sighted on my part, though. Besides Wilder, we’ve mostly stayed away from gender-neutral names.

Here are some names that we considered:

Gemma (this was originally my top contender, but my husband doesn’t like it)
Orianna “Ori”
Emmeline
Adelaide
Genivieve
Elodie
Kestrel
Nicoletta
Wren (I love the nickname Birdie, as does my husband, but the single-syllable seems short for a first name)
Sloane (I’m a big fan of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, but Sloane Steffel is tongue twister)
Clara (this is my grandma’s name, but it doesn’t feel right as a first name for the baby)
Elm / Fern / Reed (all fun but too short for a first name, in my opinion)
Nella
Winnie (I think it’s adorable, but my husband hates it!)

Boy names we had considered before we knew we were having a girl included Waites (if only our last name didn’t begin with an S), Cypress/Cyrus (again, an issue with the S?), Jude, Jasper, Zander, Wyatt (but maybe getting too popular now?) and of course Wilder. Our pattern seems to be mostly being drawn to first names that begin with J/G and W.

Please help us!

You have probably already considered this, but my first thought was to do something with the middle names of your previous candidates. Maribel Iris, for example, or Iris Maribel. Still unusual, but less of a statement than Wilder. Maribel Steffel has a repeated ending and Iris Steffel has an -s/S- issue, but neither issue seems like a deal-breaker. In fact, I’m surprised to find I like the sound of Maribel Steffel—I think because I’m saying the two -el sounds differently, and because of the 3/2-syllables (I wouldn’t like Laurel Steffel as much).

Or, if you love the nicknames Junie and June-Bug, I wonder if you could go straight to June? June Steffel is an excellent name, quite uncommon but not scary to use. June Maribel Steffel would be my top pick: a name with great nicknames, followed by a middle name with sentimental significance.

The nickname issue is an interesting one. If you want nicknames, that seems like a reasonable thing to put on the preference list. But if you’re eliminating names that would otherwise be perfect, and if you’re now a bit stuck, that seems like a good place to start reconsidering. Nicknames can come from many sources other than the given name. I’m thinking over my kids’ names, and only one has a nickname of the sort that could be listed in a baby name book alongside the name. The other nicknames are hard to explain because they just sort of evolved/happened. One kid has a name something like Keegan and then is nicknamed something like Zee and Zee-Bee. Another kid has a name something like Caleb but is nicknamed something like T.C. Another kid has a name something like James but is nicknamed something like Badger. And names like Junebug and Birdie can be nicknames for ANY name.

To go back to the -s/S- issue, I think it depends. I recently talked to a customer service representative named William Meyer, and as I was reflecting afterward on what a good impression that name made (professional, competent), I realized it had an -m/M- issue. In actual usage, it wasn’t a problem at all. It’s hard to tell ahead of time which combinations of sounds will be problems, but in general I look for two things:

1. Do the combined sounds make the name challenging to say? That is, do you find yourself tangling the names, or swapping the sounds, or not liking the way the name makes your mouth feel?

2. Do the combined sounds cause confusion or embarrassment? That is, would it be easy to misunderstand the name for another name or another word? I find it hard to think of examples for this, but something like how Paul Amato might sound like Paula Mato. Or Jacob Utmund can sound like Jacob Buttmund. Or the classic example is poor Ben Dover who sounds like Bend Over.

Iris Steffel definitely makes me put a little pause between the two names, and it makes my mouth a little uncomfortable, but it doesn’t cause any confusion or embarrassment. It’s the same when I try Cyrus Steffel. They wouldn’t be my first choice, but I wouldn’t find it strange if someone else chose them. Waites Steffel is harder for me, I think because it’s not just the -s/S but also a -ts/St-; also, the one-syllable first names seem to give me more of a challenge than the two-syllable options. (And with that particular example, the word “waitstaff” comes to mind. Perhaps it wouldn’t for people who hadn’t worked as waiters, however. And it’s not like there’s any good teasing potential there.)

A few W names to consider:

Waverly
Wilhelmina/Willemina
Willa
Willow
Winifred (probably not an option if your husband hates Winnie)

Of these my favorite is Willa: it’s unusual but not startlingly so, and I find I immediately start nicknaming it: Willobean, Willow Tree, Willabug, etc.

A few options that don’t start with W but have a W in them:

Arwen
Bronwyn/Bronwen
Gwendolyn
Harlow
Marlowe
Meadow
Rowan

I especially like Rowan for its nature tie-in. Rowan Maribel Steffel.

Fiona comes to mind. Fiona Maribel Steffel.