Hi Swistle!

I’ve enjoyed reading your blog since discovering it early this
pregnancy, and I could really use your help on our current baby name
situation. Baby boy is due in February, and we thought we had decided
on the name Wesley Oliver. (Oliver was my grandfather’s middle name.)
Our first son, now 2 1/2 years old, is Henry Owen. Last name for the
boys is my name and husband’s name combined, no hyphen — H@ffman
Bl@dgett.

I still really like the name Wesley, but it just doesn’t feel like
Wesley is this baby’s name. And I can’t get the name Arlo out of my
mind. My husband originally did not like Arlo, but lately he’s been
open to it, so I think it’s likely that we could agree on it. I love
that it’s short and sweet (especially with the long last name), and I
can imagine it being a great name as a child and an adult. And I
think that Arlo sounds great with Henry, perhaps in a way that Wesley
does not?

One potential problem is that my son loves the name Wesley. Every
time we ask if he likes another name, he replies, very
matter-of-factly, “No, Henry likes Wes-wee.” We had been talking for
awhile as though that were baby’s name, and it seems he’s very
attached to it. Of course, we’re not going to let our 2 year old name
the baby, but I at least want to be respectful of his opinion.
(Especially since there will undoubtedly be big emotions around having
a new brother, even without any naming complications.)

I also wonder about the middle name — does Arlo Oliver flow together
a little too much? I think I like it, but I can see how the two names
could be too similar with the “LO” ending and the “OL” beginning. I’d
like to stick with Oliver as a middle name if we could.

We both also really like the name Liam, but we’re concerned with how
popular it has become. That’s not a deal-breaker, but it is a
concern. Other names we’ve considered include Elliot and Noah.
(We’ve never had a very long list.)

With Henry, I just KNEW his name was Henry months before his birth.
And it’s really the perfect name for him. I feel a little lost
without the certainty that I felt last time — it seems my baby name
intuition has dulled in these intervening sleep-deprived years. :)

I would really appreciate your thoughts.

and

Hi again, Swistle.

I wrote to you a few days ago asking for help with our baby naming
dilemmas. I just had to write to share an amusing
update with you.

My son Henry — who loves the name Wesley, and who I’m concerned about
disappointing should we choose another name — decided this morning
that his stuffed woolly mammoth’s name is “Wesley.” I wonder — does
this mean we’re off the hook, so to speak, for considering how much he
likes the name when deciding on his baby brother’s name? We certainly
can’t have two Wesleys in the house, can we? :)

Selena

My intention was to answer this with a paragraph or two about how I can identify with wanting to use the name the 2-year-old wants, because it is beyond cute when a sibling takes an interest in the new baby; but that in my own experience (Robert wanted to name William “Plum,” and was very serious and intense about it), the 2-year-old won’t remember any of this and it’s safe to go with the name you want—perhaps using his choice as a special nickname.

But the turn things have taken is so excellent, I now want to post this as an idea for other parents facing the same situation: in this case it was accidental, but I wish I’d thought of it when Rob wanted to use the name Plum. Some children will not be diverted and will still insist that no, the name is for the new baby; but others may very well fall for it.

I think both Wesley and Arlo work nicely with the name Henry. I think Arlo Oliver works just fine: I see what you mean about the -lo and Ol-, but I agree that other considerations outrank that one. (Or perhaps your grandfather’s first name would be a better fit?) Do you find you call Henry “Henry Owen”? Some families do use first and middle names together, but many use the middle name only for paperwork.

Liam and Arlo make me wonder if you’d like Leo or Milo.

Hi Swistle!

We recently found out that we will be expecting our second girl in May. We are thrilled but super stuck/confused with how to proceed with naming.

Our 2 year old is named River (middle Mary). We love the name and how it sounds. The name has special significance and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We don’t mind the questions or comments regarding her name ie “why River?”, “I know boys named River.” or “Hippies!”.

What we love about River is the strong, surname sound, not so much the ‘nature’ meaning. We would love an equally strong, uncommon name for her sister.

We are huge fans of honor middle names. River’s middle name is after my paternal Grandmother. Our second we’d love a combination of Sadie and June, after our other Grandmothers. Both of these names we feel too soft for first names though. Our last name sounds like “Men-Yay”.

Our name list now includes names like Greta, Rose (Rosie), Laine, Juno and Maeve, though none of them have stood out nor do they feel like they suit our family or match River’s name perfectly.

We would love another opinion and any suggestions! Please help!

Thank you!

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I’m looking for help! We need a baby brother name to go with big sister Claire Monroe M. We like traditional and are leaning towards Graham, but nothing feels just right yet. We’ve also discussed Sam, Henry, Ben and Charlie. Do you have any other suggestions? What sounds best with Claire to you?

Thank you so much for any input.

Marie

I am wondering if the -m of Graham and Sam runs into the M- of the surname.

If I were working just with the name Graham, I might suggest Simon, Oliver, Theodore, Everett—names like those. But I notice that Sam, Ben, and Charlie are all nickname names. This makes me wonder if your style is nickname names for boys, or if what you like about Sam, Ben, and maybe also Graham (depending on your pronunciation) is that they’re all one-syllable names. My list of suggestions, then, is made up of shortish and/or nicknamey names:

Abe
Alec
Alex
Dean
Del
Drew
Eli
Grant
Jack
James
Jay
Joel
John
Leo
Lou
Luke
Mark
Nate
Neil
Paul
Reid
Rhys
Theo

I’m particularly drawn to Grant and Reid and Rhys and Dean, because I think they have the Gentleman sound of Graham, with the shortness of Ben and Sam. I’m also particularly drawn to Leo and Jack, because they’re nickname names but also stand-alone names. I love the names Paul and John; I think they’re underused, and great with Claire.

If I were choosing from your list, I would have a hard time; I think they all sound very good with Claire, but in different ways. Claire and Graham sounds sophisticated to me; Claire and Sam/Ben/Charlie sounds friendly; Claire and Henry sounds sophisticated and also friendly.

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Dear Swistle,

We are pregnant with our third child—a girl!—in April 2016 and we need your help. Our first two children’s names are Harriet Paloma (“Hattie”), and Hugo Campion. Our last name is the season in which one usually finds snow.

We love both of our kids’ names. Both first names are family names. They feel vintage and are fairly rare. Their middle names feel (to my ears) more modern and have religious significance (“Paloma,” meaning “dove” which stands both for peace and for the Holy Spirit, “Campion,” after St. Edmund Campion). We decided that we would not bind ourselves to the established pattern of naming for the third child (Fusty Family Name + Modern Religious)—there are only so many names in the family tree! This relaxing of the “rules” has allowed us to greatly expand our list. But ironically, this hasn’t seemed to help us come to a decision.

Boys are easier and if this baby had been male he would have been either Magnus or Lewis.

But girls are another story. Out of the HUNDREDS of names on our list only two seem to be names we could see our child carrying. Well that is okay, in theory. The baby only needs one name after all. But this is the problem: one of these names is highly, highly unusual and perhaps culturally inappropriate. The other is…perhaps….boring.

So as of now we are stuck between:

Consuelo, nicknamed “Coco”

And

Margaret.

In my angst regarding both of these names I am beginning to realize that being a name nerd doesn’t always help you name actual humans. First because your name “normal” is not everyone else’s “normal”: while I might swoon over a sib-set including Otis, Errol, and Olympia (for real!), the other mommies in the pediatrician’s office might roll their eyes. Secondly, the name nerd overthinks names. It is the definition of a name nerd. And overthinking ruins baby-naming.

Consuelo. I have always been fascinated by the French and Spanish-language tradition of naming children after the Virgin Mary, but using her many titles or apparition locations. English is pretty limited when it comes to honor names for the Blessed Mother. We have Mary, Marie, and some more unusual, but related, variants such as Mae, Mamie, Maren, Molly. But nothing compared with the range and diversity of the French/Spanish naming tradition: Lourdes, Carmel, Soledad, Guadalupe, Luz, Amparo, Araceli, Socorro, Belen, Pilar, Delores. And on and on! My daughter’s godmother is Monserrat after Our Lady of Monserrat (love!!).

I have loved Consuelo for a long time. The elegant Consuelo Vanderbilt (picture below) carried the name well with an Anglo surname and the nickname “Coco” makes the name more accessible for a little girl. The name’s meaning—“Solace”—is so beautiful and important to me.

However. I worry. I worry. I worry. Is Consuelo TOO unusual? Will the name be a blessing or a burden to my daughter? But the unusualness/obscurity doesn’t usually bother me. In fact, it is usually an added attraction when I consider a name. What really worries me about “Consuelo” is that it would be somehow culturally presumptuous, or offensive to choose a name that comes from a different language tradition. We have no Spanish-language knowledge or heritage.

I constantly justify myself. “If Cosima, Bohdi, and Freya are being discussed and used, then Consuelo is no different, no less foreign to many American namers,” I say. But still I worry.

So what do you think about Consuelo?

Next is Margaret. I am surprised that I like Margaret as much as I do. It is much more popular than names I typically like and much more…standard. Margaret seems to me traditional, but more than traditional—predictable. A name that won’t shock the grandparents but won’t really excite them either. So I can’t believe it—but I love Margaret. Love it! I love how it sounds. I love it’s meaning. And even more than this, it just FEELS like our kid. Hattie, Hugo and Margaret.

So what do you think? Is Margaret too popular? Is it too…boring?

AND beyond these names we remain open to suggestions! –though I feel like I have considered EVERY possible name in existence! Other names that we love and have discarded for one reason or another:

Jemima (absolute favorite made impossible by racial issues in the US)
Mabel (love in theory but something doesn’t sound right when I say it)
Peregrine (yes, for a girl. They boys aren’t using it anyway! But husband feels that it sounds “hard”)
Martha (I love this but husband not so much)
Hazel (too popular, too similar to previous children)
Marina (husband vetoed: too girly)

Any suggestions? Helpful advice?

Sincerely,
Sarah

For me, the startle factor of “Harriet, Hugo, and Consuelo” is high. Quite high. “Harriet, Hugo, and Margaret,” on the other hand, has a high delight factor.

As you say, certain names from other countries have become or are becoming mainstream in our country, and so why should Consuelo be any different? I think it’s because Consuelo hasn’t done that yet: only 28 new baby girls were given the name in 2014, in the entire United States. It’s still a shock, and particularly since you’ve started with completely mainstream names for your first two children: rare/unusual, but very familiar.

Perhaps the name Consuelo WILL become more common in the future, particularly with that appealing -o ending, and SOMEONE has to start the ball rolling. If this were your first child, I might say go ahead, or at least say I didn’t see why it would necessarily have to be ruled out. But Harriet, Hugo, and Consuelo is a sticking point for me: the startle factor goes beyond what I personally would want to deal with. I do also worry about the cultural aspect of it, though I don’t have enough experience with the subject to advise, only to join in your anxiety.

Another, smaller issue is that Coco doesn’t strike me as an instinctive nickname for Consuelo, in sound or in style. It isn’t that you couldn’t force it, but I do think you’d need some effort behind it.

However, I think the name Consuelo would make a perfect middle name. I think of the middle name position as the ideal place for names that have great meaning/significance for us but also have too high a startle factor or any other similar issue. Margaret Consuelo is a pretty kick-butt name, and coordinates beautifully with Harriet Paloma and Hugo Campion. Paloma (peace) and Consuelo (solace) are particularly well-matched.

I don’t find the name Margaret boring at all, but of course that is a subjective issue and everyone will feel differently about it. It doesn’t feel particularly common to me, either: I only know one child named Margaret, and it was fresh and surprising to hear her name when I met her. But of course that will vary by location: other areas may be simply RIFE with Margarets. Certainly it is more common than the name Harriet: there were 1,933 new baby girls named Margaret in 2014, and only 127 new baby girls named Harriet.

I would like to zero in on Delores from your list of examples of the range of the Spanish/French naming traditions. It seems to me it’s everything you’re looking for, without the downsides of the name Consuelo, and it works beautifully with the vintage/fusty/rare style you were going for with the name Harriet. It’s currently very rare in the United States (only 15 new baby girls given the name in 2014—even rarer than Consuelo), but because it HAS been used in the U.S., it feels familiar, as Harriet does. It also has great nickname potential: I know a little girl who sometimes goes by Del or Delly, and it’s adorable.

Or could I persuade you to use one of my own favorites, Millicent? I think it goes very well with Harriet, and has the wonderful nickname Milly/Millie. Hattie and Millie!

Or Winifred. Or Louisa.

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