Update (and photo) on Baby Boy Roan, Brother to Casen

Update (and photo) on Baby Girl Lauren-with-a-D, Sister to Josephine (Posey)

Update on Baby Girl M@rcus, Sister to Clio and Melusine

Update (and photo) on Baby Girl Lyman, Sister to Charles (Charlie) and Theodore (Theo)

You remember we talked about names passing the mall test: you’re out and about, you hear a name unexpectedly, and hearing it like that makes you realize you like it when you didn’t know you liked it.

I had a name pass the mall test the other day, and it surprised me because it’s a name outside my usual style: Kailen. It takes the name Kayla and updates it with a fresher-sounding ending.

Similarly, I read a book with a character named Connell, and thought that if it weren’t for Mitch Mc, I’d be recommending that name as a nice update on Connor.

Changing the endings is a common way to make names sound new: Laura becomes Laurie becomes Lauren. I am wondering if you’ve encountered any recent examples lately, OR if you can make some up on the spot that you think would sound nice. (I tried this for a few minutes and was reminded that I am not good at making up names. Sophiella! No. Abigade! No. Olivian! No. Emman! No.)

Update on Baby Naming Issue: The Process of Choosing a Name

Update to the update on Baby Naming Issue: Choosing Surnames

Update on Baby Girl or Boy, Sibling to Rae

Update on Baby Naming Issues: Using III When Dad is II Instead of Jr.; A Middle Name for a Girl Named Stone

Hi Swistle! I have a baby-naming dilemma and need quick and honest feedback. It’s basically the “Caroline Divine” problem all over again, minus the potential for stripper name jokes.

We are expecting a baby girl in a few short weeks through the miracle of adoption. It is very important to us that either the first or middle name be a family name. I love old-fashioned, classic names. And there is only one girl name that makes my heart sing. Plus it is both old-timey and it is my grandmother’s middle name. Alice. It sounds like perfection to me. I can imagine cooing that name to an infant, screaming it at a playground and it wearing well on a child from infancy on through to adulthood.

The only problem is our last name. Mor@les. (Yep, rhymes with Alice). Over the years, we’ve laughed about how sing-songy it is and I’ve tried to set that name aside as one that just cannot be used. But I keep coming back to it. Other names do not make my heart sing. I keep trying to make “Alice Mor@les” work.

So my questions are: (1) Is “Alice Mor@les” ridiculous? Or just memorable in a good way? (We’ve heard it so many time in jest that we’ve become numb to how it sounds on fresh ears) Asking for honest opinions.

(2) Assuming that the question to #1 is “yes, that’s just ridiculous,” can we make “Alice Mor@les” work? And if so, how?

A few considerations:

Allison and Alicia are not options, as those names are already used for my husband’s cousins with the same last name. Elise just does not have the same ring.

I’m not a double-name type person, although I’m not entirely ruling that out if we find the right one.

I’ve considered using “Alice” as a middle name but I don’t think it pairs well with the other first names that we’ve liked. The other name combos on our shortlist are: Anna Catherine (but not used as a double name) Amelia Rose, Eloise (no middle name with this one yet).

Thanks in advance!

The name Alice Mor@les fails my “Would I want this name for myself?” test, and it fails it hard. My own opinion is that while technically you could use it, you should not. I kept accidentally mispronouncing the surname in my head, so I’m going to write the name here the way I wrote it to remind myself of the correct pronunciation: Alice More-Alice.

The framing of your email sends me a message of desperation: you realize this name doesn’t work, but you keep feeling like maybe if you want the name badly enough, or if you can demonstrate that it REALLY IS the best name, then the reality of the situation will change. Maybe there is something you haven’t yet thought of, and when you think of it, the name will suddenly work and you’ll get to use it! You’re stuck, and until you’re unstuck, you’re not working on what you need to be working on, which is finding the name you’ll be using instead.

My inclination is to give you my usual advice for situations in which one or both parents are stuck on a name they can’t use. The first step is to make a fresh, back-to-the-drawing-board list of names you like that are not Alice, but without comparing those names to Alice: the goal is not to find a name you like better than the name Alice (this is likely impossible), the goal is ONLY to find your favorites of the non-Alice names. Pretend you ALREADY named your first child Alice, and now you are looking for a name for a second child: you would not then be thrashing around saying you just HAD to use the name Alice again, you would instead be getting down to the business of finding which name you liked best of all the names that remained. (And make sure you’re trying each first/last combination to see if you like the way they sound together without the middle name connecting them.)

I still recommend that plan, and I think it could help. However, I have another possible solution. It’s radical, but shouldn’t be: use the other parent’s surname.

You say “our” surname, so I assume you have a shared family surname. I won’t assume any more details than that, but that gives us enough: unless you and your husband both came to the marriage with the family surname More-Alice, then there is another potential family surname to use instead. If it’s the one I see in your email address, it’s still a teensy bit sing-song because of the repeated ending, but definitely on the totally usable side of the line, and I’d say appealingly so. Change the entire household’s surname to that other surname. Use Alice. Be happy.

If this won’t work (and I will try not to get angry first thing in the morning about the various reasons it might never even really be considered as a legitimate option, even with such high stakes), then it’s back to the drawing board. There can be a lot of pressure in our society to find The! PERFECT!! baby name!!!, and it really isn’t necessary: your baby’s name has one job, and it is to serve as an identifying detail for your baby. Your job as parents is to find a good, solid, useful name for her to write on the tops of her school papers so the teacher knows whose papers they are, and for her to put on her resume so the boss knows who to ask for when calling for an interview. If the name also makes your heart sing, that’s a nice bonus, but it’s way too high a standard to be the minimum—especially if you are adamant about using an honor name, which severely limits your options. Give the child a good, solid, useful, honor name she can write on homework and resumes. Make it a name you like quite well, a name that gives you a sense of satisfaction at having chosen a good, solid, useful, honor name. Don’t require heart-song from the name; the heart-song will come from how you feel about the child herself.

Take consolation in knowing you are in VAST good company with all the other parents who couldn’t use their own favorite names for one reason or another: maybe it was the other parent’s ex’s name, maybe the other parent hated the name, maybe it was the terrible father-in-law’s name, maybe it was already the step-child’s name, maybe it is laughable with a sibling name, etc. This disappointment will be added to a hopefully short list of lifetime disappointments, and you will always hold the name dear, and you will tell your daughter the story of how that was her almost-name, and you can perhaps get some comfort by convincing other parents to use it. Perhaps your daughter, after years of hearing how you pined for the name, will give it to your first granddaughter.