Update on Baby Naming Issue: Is the Name They Love (Calla) Too Unusual / Made-up / Not Really a Name

Dear Swistle,

I am pregnant with my first child, a girl, due in May. As a lifelong name enthusiast, I am astounded to find myself having such difficulty choosing a name for her. Our surname is long and Dutch and sounds similar to Vansanover. We are Americans currently living in London; we will more than likely be headed back to the US within the next several years, so we are most concerned with the popularity and perceptions of names from an American perspective.

We have narrowed our name search to three options, Bernadette, Florence and Felicity, with Bernadette being the current front-runner. I have always loved this name for its strong but charming meaning and the endless nickname possibilities (we particularly love Betty and Birdie but also like that she could choose something herself as she gets older).

The only thing holding me back from choosing Bernadette enthusiastically is that it has recently come to my attention that it is perceived as a Catholic name. Neither my husband nor I are religious. The religious connotation doesn’t bother us per se, especially since the meaning of the name is entirely secular. However, I realize her name will inform others’ perceptions of her, and I don’t really want everyone assuming she is a strictly observant Catholic without meeting her. My impression is that Brits are much more attuned to the Catholic connotation than Americans are, but it’s also possible I was oblivious to it in the US since the religious communities in my hometown were predominantly protestant. My British friends say it conjures an image of a mean old nun and that no one actually names their children Bernadette (i.e. it is only used as a nun’s religious name).

Her middle name will be Flynn, my mother’s maiden name, which seems to double down on the Catholic-ness.

How strong do you think the Catholic association with this name is in the US? Would you assume a girl named Bernadette came from a Catholic family? How much should this matter?

Thanks for you help!

Amy

HERE IS WHAT I THINK. I think there has been a major shift in using names formerly strongly associated with religion, and that this shift has happened within the last generation. I remember before my children were born encountering my first baby named Noah and being shocked, SHOCKED, that someone would use such a strikingly biblical name. I’d gone to Christian schools for middle school and college, and not even conservative evangelical Christians would use a name like Noah! Josiah, sure, and there were plenty of Davids and Sarahs and Matthews and Rebeccas, but not NOAH!

And now the name Noah is the number one most popular boy name in the United States, and there is no reason to assume the parents of any given Noah are religious. Also in style: Ezra, Elijah, Levi, Isaac, Asher, Isaiah, Ezekiel, Moses. Older generations may still find it a little shocking, especially if they are not baby-name hobbyists and so haven’t been keeping track of the trends—but the current kid-naming parents find these names completely mainstream/contemporary.

I used to think of the name Bernadette as Very Catholic. I’d known only two Bernadettes: a mom at the same daycare where I encountered my first Noah; and Bernadette-called-Benny in Maeve Binchy’s book Circle of Friends. I was also familiar with it as one of many Nun Names. All very very Catholic associations.

But now! Now if I encountered a baby named Bernadette, I might WONDER if the family was Catholic but, as with the name Noah, I would actually think it was more likely they were NOT religious. (Furthermore, I’d be DELIGHTED to encounter the name and its delightful nicknames.) I think it’s highly possible your friends who are appalled at this Mean Old Nun name are just in the same stage I was when I was shocked by a Noah, and that they will catch up soon. And I think in the U.S., even if people might at first wonder if the usage is for Catholic-related reasons, they will soon understand from other clues that it is not. I say it’s fabulous and I say USE IT. (But I also LOVE both your other choices, and would feel equally delighted to encounter either of those names.)

Hello Swistle,

I need help with a name for my third daughter. My first born is Brielle and my second born is Savannah. There nicknames are Bri and Savi. We will be expecting our little angel in May. My husband likes the name Brooke and Paige.. I am torn, as I dont know if its ok to have two B names and leave the middle child with an S name. I dont want her to feel different.

I would love any suggestions you can recommend.

Thank you,
Candace Filla

I am not worried about one child feeling left out or different because she has an S-name and her sisters have B-names: this seems like the kind of thing we worry about during the pregnancy and then it never ends up being an issue—or it ends up being the opposite issue, and her sisters are jealous that SHE has her own initial. (This is how I would have felt: mad to have to share, not mad to be left out.)

(If it DID ever come up, you could play the Same/Different Game: “Yes, Bri and Brooke start with Br-, and you start with S-. You and Brielle and Brooke all have double letters in your names, but you all have a different number of syllables: Brooke’s name is one, Brielle’s is two, and yours is three. You and Bri both have nicknames ending in -i….” And so on. You can include your name and your husband’s name to make the game more fun, and to widen the pool of people who don’t share an initial.)

I do worry a little about how similar the names Bri and Brooke sound: starting with the same letter-blend is more matchy than starting with the same initial. And I worry a little that Brielle and Savannah are highly feminine names, while Brooke and Paige are preppy, low-frill names. And I worry a little that Brielle and Savannah both have nicknames, while Brooke does not.

Popularity is another factor: Savannah was in style alongside Brooke and Paige a couple of decades ago, when the name Brielle was rare; but while Savannah has been holding onto its Top 50 ranking, Brooke and Paige have been diving into the 200s. Meanwhile, the name Brielle is rising, hitting the Top 100 for the first time in 2018. I think Savannah and Brooke and Savannah and Paige could work well as sister name pairings because of their earlier shared popularity, but that then Brielle feels like the odd name out. But if we look for other recently-gaining-popularity choices to go with Brielle, then the name Savannah could feel like the odd name out—especially if the little dip it took in popularity in 2018 turns out to have been the beginning of a decline. The good news: this is all looking very promising for playing Same/Different, since we’re finding ways to make EVERY name seem like the different one!

Finally, would the child’s surname be Filla, and is that pronounced like the way someone who dropped their R’s might say the word “filler”? I would probably avoid noun names that can sound like little jokes: Brooke Filla sounds like a riddle for a rainstorm, Paige Filla like a riddle for a writer.

I was going to make a list of more options to consider, but we don’t have much to go on: we have two names your husband likes, plus two names the two of you agreed on for previous children. I think what I would suggest is starting over: BOTH of you make lists, and see which names you like best with your first two daughters’ names. My own inclination would be to find another name with a nickname, but that would only be a preference.

Hi Swistle,

When I was pregnant with my first child and contemplating names, we decided on a name for a boy that was unique and not popular. I ended up having a girl and love her name.

A year after my daughter was born, I started a friendship with another woman who was pregnant. When discussing names, I brought up my boy pick and she didn’t say anything about it. She recently gave birth and named her son the exact same name that I have saved for a boy. To make things more complicated, she recently found out that her son has special needs.

Now, I’m pregnant with my second child and am contemplating using the name if I have a boy. How should I proceed if I want to use the name for a son?

Thanks.

In your shoes, here would be my concern: That the other woman might not remember the earlier conversation, and that she would therefore think I had stolen the name idea from her. And she genuinely might not remember you mentioning it, and could have come up with it a different way. If I could send you back in time, I might have you react as soon as she told you the child’s name: “Oh! The same as our boy-name pick! How wonderful! Obviously I love that name and think you have great taste!”

If I were you, I would discuss it with her again when it comes up naturally, so that you can gauge her reaction. Like, if she knows you are pregnant, it is likely she checks in about how your pregnancy is going, whether you’ve thought of names, etc; the next time it comes up, you could say your boy name pick is still _____, the same as it was for your first pregnancy, and then move smoothly on to discussing girl-name possibilities. People vary tremendously in how they feel about duplicate names within their social circles, so this conversation can give you some useful information about what is at stake here.

But if you think your contemplation may lead you to choose a different name, or if you plan on finding out the sex of the baby before the birth, then I might not bring it up yet: no sense causing potential strife/stress when it may not be necessary, especially if she may be a little overwhelmed right now with other concerns.

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