Jenna writes:

My husband and I are expecting our 2nd daughter February 2011. We can NOT agree on a name…or any names really. Our 2 year old daughter is named Avery Caelyn. We heard Avery on a baby show about half way through the pregnancy & agreed. Her middle name came in the hospital, 3 days after she was born. I literally opened a name book and pointed until he said “Yeah, that one.”
Our naming strategy is pretty similar to everyone else’s: I list them, he has veto power. And he remembers names he already said no to, I’ve tried it. I would love to use a family name- he said no. We tend to pick more modern girl names- boy/unisex names, surnames & places- but we are not opposed to girly names. I heard once that if you name a girl a unisex name, they will be more successful in life because people tend to give credit/praise/expectations/opportunities to male names- even with no other point of reference. If we were having a boy though, he was going to have a more traditional, masculine name- Jon, Cason, Elliot [the only family name I was able to keep on the list] or Alec, with the middle name Richard- there are 9 Richards in our family from our daughters to our grandparents- both sides big popular name. We are open to suggestions and yays or nays for our ((short)) list. We want it to work well with Avery without being matchy. I like same 1st initial, but it’s not high priority. And I like same syllables, also not high priority. It cannot end in a T- or Tr- sound because of our last name. Also, our last name is one that you do not hear often…it has an ‘x’ in the middle of it- and some people say it sounds like pretzel. My name is Jenna & my husband’s is Richard- soo her name cannot be similar to these.

Our list:
Jaycee/Jacy- “Ok” according to him
Kylee- My current favorite- though it changes daily.
Macy- Like Jacy
Graceson- Strong second to my favorite
Kaylee/ie/eigh- Almost too popular
Ashtyn- His absolute favorite- he calls her this now.
Morgan- I have cousin with this name, but i like it anyhow.

Vetoed names/ Names we cannot use (acquaintances, cousins)
Leah
Hannah
Emerson
Carly
Amaya
Londyn
Ellison/Elliot
Jensen
Taylor
Any flower/spice/herb names.
Any color names.
Any “outdoorsy” names.
Most nouns.
Any emotion or inspirational word (faith, hope, grace)

Our biggest challenge: I do not LOVE any names that we have heard. We love our daughter’s name, Avery Caelyn. He picks one and can “go with it” I keep looking and reading. None of them have been it. And no, We have not even considered talking middle names yet.
Please help!!

And:

I need to amend my list.
We need to add Logan to it. I love it. I just can’t seem to find a middle name.
He’s said “It’s one we agree on. Ok”

And:

Ok…I’m obsessed this is my third email to you. Sorry.
Our new list-
Logan
Gracen
Erin

My newest dilemma- Is Erin too different from Avery?

Thanks again!

And:

Ok Swistle. THIS is my last email…I have 8 weeks left..we’ll see right?
I guess I’m just trying to get the best answers?opinions? from you and your readers.
Last time I added Erin to the list (we love it!) only, he wants to spell it Aaryn or Arynn. Erin is pronounced “EHrin” not “AIRin” he says. The A(s) will give us the pronouciation we want; AIRin.
I like it because it gives both girls A-names and makes it more masculine (like Avery).

Thoughts?

Also, her middle name will be Leigh (unless her name ends in an -ee sound). My husband’s middle name is Lee and since this will be our last* and he didn’t get his boy** I thought he should have a big part of her name.
*ask me again in 3 years.
**see *.

I’d say Erin is okay with Avery but not great. Erin was in the Top 100 for girls from 1971 until 2004 (source: Social Security Administration). Avery has been in the Top 100 for girls since 2003, and until the late 1990s was used more often for boys. So they’re both boyish girl names, but Erin is now a common Mom Name, while Avery is next-generation (jumping into the Top 100 the year before Erin dropped out) and single-spelling androgynous (though getting more Girl every year).

This could be a regional thing, but where I live the name Erin is pronounced like AIR-rin, to rhyme with Karen. If you want AIR-rin you can spell it Erin: at worst, there are two ways to pronounce it. However, in your case I think your idea of using Arynn improves the fit: it makes the name more modern, and it gives you the two A-names you were hoping for. Furthermore, both names would have the same number of letters, and three of those letters would be the same. The Arynn spelling would give you some small hassle, but not as much, I think, as Aaryn, and not more than Gracen/Gracyn. And Arynn Leigh works very nicely. My only concern, and maybe this is nothing to worry about, is that both alternate spellings make me think of Aryan, a very unpleasant association but maybe not one that would come to most people’s minds.

Gracen/Gracyn is also a very good match: like Avery, it’s used for boys (usually spelled Grayson or Greyson) and it’s a recently popular name (more recent than Avery, but it’s “this generation” as opposed to “last generation”). And again, Gracyn Leigh is a nice fit.

To me, the name Logan still sounds utterly Boy—but I see it was used for about 700 girl babies last year along with over 14,000 boys. (It’s falling for girls and rising for boys.) If you do use it, I suggest using a middle name that is used exclusively for girls: Logan Grace or Logan Rose or Logan Joy. Oops, all three of those are on the veto list (for being flowers/inspirational). Maybe Logan Louise or Logan Nicole or Logan Simone or Logan Leeanne (this also gives you Lee) or Logan Elise or Logan Celeste.

Name update! Jenna writes:

Our 2nd daughter came 5 days late! She didn’t have a name for a few days and my entire list went out the window!! My husband stuck with Aerin, but I had a whole new list of names come to me when I met her! Wren was her name and I knew it within an hour of her birth but he said no…our compromise? I saw it on a list you did for one of your other readers- Emryn. Emryn Leigh was born on 2/20. Big sister Avery is ecstatic!Thanks for everyones help!!!! Still love reading your baby name blog Swistle!!!!

Amy writes:

I am pregnant with fraternal twin girls that are due in late February, although they might come earlier as apparently twins can do all kinds of unexpected things. Our last name is phonetically pronounced Bow-Lee-Ew and its background is French although neither of us speaks French.

My husband and I initially thought that naming twins would be easier because we get two kicks at the can so to speak. However, it has turned out to be much more difficult than we anticipated – at least for girls. Early on in the pregnancy, we mutually agreed with no tears, anger or resentment that if they were boys, the twins would be named Thomas and Grant. We love both names equally and would have had a difficult time picking one over the other if we were to have ended up with one girl and one boy. We like that these names compliment one another while retaining their individuality.

As you can see, we ended up on the other end of the spectrum without even one name that we can mutually agree upon. To make matters worse, we really want to find names that we feel as strongly about as Grant and Thomas. We want to love the names equally and feel that they are “right”. We really don’t want to pick one name that we love and another that fits with the name that we love.

To make matters worse, it appears that we have different naming styles when it comes to girls. I consider my naming style to be classic (and unfortunately I seem to like the popular names). My husband on the other hand seems to like names that were popular in the 80s and early 90s. I have struggled hard to try to merge the two styles and the only consistency that I can come up with is that my husband seems to like shorter names ending in ah or eeee and there are some classic names that can work with this. Unfortunately, I really prefer formal names that can be shortened to cuter nicknames. It is very important to me that the girls have names that would suit them as professionals, although I would love it if they had cutesy variations that they could use as children.

This brings us to the twin considerations. I really dislike rhyming names for twins. I would prefer the names to be similar lengths/syllables although choosing two different three syllable names (as an example) is not necessary. If one girl’s name can be shortened into a nickname, I feel that it is fairly important that the second name have a nickname as well. I would prefer that the names not begin with the same first letter although this would be less applicable if the names are otherwise dissimilar.

Finally (and this seems to be the biggest stumbling block of all) is the popularity factor. We have agreed on names that we “could” use. However, the names are both very very very popular right now. I don’t so much care about the girls knowing other girls with the same names, but what I would like to avoid is the names “dating” the girls. For example, the name Jennifer dates to the 1970s to me and the name Linda to the 1950s. I guess what I am saying is that I would really prefer the names to be timeless and this is perhaps the most important criterion of all to me.

Based on the above, I am sure that you have come to the conclusion that I am anal-retentive and obsessive about this topic (both true) and for that I apologize.

With that disclaimer out of the way, the names that my husband and I agree would work are Emily and Sophie.

Other names on my list that my husband dislikes because he calls them “old lady names” are: Catherine (Cate), Josephine (Josie), Eleanor (Nora), Clara and Eliza. Other names that he has vetoed for celebrity connections or other unknown reasons include Ellery, Elodie, Calista (Callie), Isla, Rachel, Maya and Tessa. Oh, he also vetoed Violet as well which made me cry. Names that I love, but have vetoed myself due to the trendy factor are Charlotte and Abigail.

Names on his list that I have vetoed include Cleo, Justine, Maureen, Bailey, Kayla, Bree and Dawn. I do like his suggestion of Chloe, but dislike that it is commonly used as a dog’s name and is so popular where we live.

The name Norah is appealing to both of us although I do wish that it had a nickname variant. My husband is also coming around to my suggestion of Hillary although I don’t want him to choose it just to avoid talking about the issue any further. We are also both ok with Tabitha and Meredith. Sabrina is also on the mutual list, but I don’t love it and we do know of a baby who has the first name Sabrina and shares our last name.

Names we would be uncomfortable using due to friend/family/pet connections include Lily, Audrey, Mia, Rose and Olivia.

Some questions for you and your readers …

1. Are Emily and Sophie “trendy” popular names that will someday date the girls to the 2010s or are they classics that are just more popular for the time being?

2. Are there any alternatives to Emily and Sophie that are classic but less popular? (Note – I have a hunch that my husband dislikes names like Ellery and Elodie because he has never heard of them before and thus thinks they are weird.)

3. Do Norah and Hillary work together? Are there any other names that would work with Norah or Hillary? Do any of the other names that remain on our mutual lists work with Norah or Hillary?

4. Are there other names that are like Norah and Hillary (e.g. somewhat classic, but not overwhelmingly popular)?

Suggestions are truly welcome as I want these girls to come into the world with names that we feel as great about as Thomas and Grant. Thank you for reading what is probably the longest inquiry you have received thus far.

I agree: Jennifer sounds like the ’70s, Linda sounds like the ’50s. But here’s where I disagree: I don’t think you should try to avoid that. Certainly, avoid trendiness spikes if possible (though it’s not always possible), but names naturally rise and fall over the generations and I think it’s a doomed goal to find a name that doesn’t. Even a name like Elizabeth, which I consider the epitome of a timeless name, has nicknames that follow generational trends: Betty and Bess and Betsy, Liz and Beth, Libby—and now Ellie, which I resist because it’s not a traditional nickname for Elizabeth but which my friend Mairzy says I must try to come to terms with because people are doing it anyway.

(As an aside, the name Linda was in the Top 100 from 1936 until 1978, and in the Top 10 from 1940 to 1965. And Jennifer was in the Top 100 from 1956 until 2008, and in the Top 10 from 1966 until 1991. ((Source: Social Security Administration.)) So Linda is actually more like a 1940s, 1950s, and 1960s name, and Jennifer is more like a 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s name. I’m not sure how this is relevant, except to say that time-stamping is complicated.)

Furthermore, have you ever read women’s fashion magazines? They’re constantly assuring us that we can buy a “timeless” blazer or a “timeless” skirt or “timeless” accessories that will be WELL WORTH the high price tag because we’ll be able to wear them ALWAYS. And then the next year, some feature that seemed timeless, when it was in style, reveals itself to be not in fact timeless at all. It is the same with names. Right now people are saying they like “timeless” names—but these are names that one generation ago would have been kah-razy out of place among the Nicoles, Melissas and Michelles, and two generations ago even more out of place among the Barbaras and Deborahs and Susans. Names generally feel timeless to us when they come back into style after we no longer remember the generation that had them; it’s not that they never belonged to a generation. And when a name is in style, as when a certain cut of blazer is in style, it’s hard to believe it ever wasn’t, or won’t be.

So! Does it work if I tell you I release you from that requirement you’re trying to meet? We don’t know how the current crop of baby names will be remembered, or how firmly they will be bound to this generation of babies. Of course we CAN cut out names that are likely to be trendy, as long as we keep the word “trendy” (names like Madison, Kaylee, Cadence) separate from the words “popular” or “common” (names like Elizabeth, Emily, Sarah, Anna). And Emily, in the Top 100 since 1973 and in the Top 10 for nearly two decades so far (source: Social Security Administration), might be even trickier to time-stamp than Jennifer and Linda.

Which leads me to my second point, which is that there is no shame in liking common names, and in fact “common names” are generally a mix of the trendy names you’d like to avoid and the timeless names you’re looking for. I don’t think you should force yourself away from names you love just because they are more popular than you’d prefer—and anyway, you’re cutting out names because of commonness when some of them are LESS common than names you’re keeping. So can I also release you from that—from the obligation to find a name that isn’t common, just because uncommon seems like it must be “better” somehow? If I could make one rule for baby-namers, it would be “Don’t arbitrarily limit your options.” There is no moral or ethical reason not to use Emily and Sophie if you love those names, and making up reasons you can’t use them (“People might be able to guess the generation in which she was born!” and “Too many other people think it’s a great name!”) is going to leave you panicky and without any name candidates.

But to clarify: are you saying you both love and agree on Emily and Sophie, and it’s only the popularity/time-stamping that bothers you? Or are you saying those are “fine” with both of you, and more like fallback choices? If the former, my work is done after I convince you not to make arbitrary and unnecessary rules (I have duct tape if I need it). If the latter, we need to keep looking.

[This second email came in when I was at this point:] Amy writes:

I just wanted to give you an update as I am now home from work and going a bit out of my mind. It seems that my husband and I have decided that Emily and Sophie are too popular though they are still on the shortlist.

We are also leaning towards Norah being one of the names. So, we are in the position that I really didn’t want to be in which is loving one name and finding another to go with it. I still like the name Hillary but my husband is meh on it. He feels it is a name for a snobby girl. Fresh Prince of Belair anyone? In my class the snobs were Kellys and Karens so I don’t get the snob reference, but even though he will let me use the name (he says it doesn’t matter to him so much), but I really do want him to love the name.

What I like about Hillary is that it is strong yet feminine and also uncommon but recognizable. So another name that meets those characteristics would be great.

We are still tossing around the names Meredith, Tabitha and a few others from our list, but I am still searching for the name for Baby B as I have pretty much decided that Baby A will be Norah if we go with that.

Thanks in advance.

Need I emphasize again what a mistake I think it is to throw out a name due to popularity alone? But if that’s the task at hand, I will see what I can do. I will warn you that Norah, Nora, and Eleanor-called-Nora are all climbing fast in popularity: it’s possible you’re taking the same problem but just changing the time-stamp. (I feel so conflicted, because on one hand I want to keep telling you how little I think this matters, and on the other hand if it matters to you ANYWAY I want to help you find what YOU want!)

There is nothing wrong with first choosing one name we love, and then choosing a name that goes with it: that’s exactly what people do when they have their children one at a time instead of in pairs.

I think Norah and Meredith are beautiful together, or Eleanor and Meredith (same number of syllables) called Nora and Merrie or Ellie and Merrie.

I also like Hillary and Meredith.

Nora and Eliza would also be a very nice pairing.

I like the similar rhythms of Eleanor and Imogen.

Another possibility is to name the girls Eleanor and Margaret (SWOON) and call them Nora and Greta, and they’d also have Ellie and Maggie if they preferred.

Or Eleanor and Josephine (same number of syllables), but call them Nora and Josie. (I am kind of ignoring your husband’s “old lady names” declaration, since this only shows that he is out of touch with the baby names situation, and because he might like the names better if he likes the nicknames.)

If he likes Cleo and Chloe, it seems like Clara isn’t far off—but Nora and Clara might be too similar. Sophie and Clara would be pretty.

For a moment I thought Norah and Ellen would be pretty, but then I wondered if it would sound as if they’d split the name Eleanor between them.

A more current version of Maureen would be Maura. Not with Norah, but maybe with another of the candidates. Maura and Ellen? Maura and Rowan? Maura and Emlyn? Maura and Carys?

Pulling names from nowhere now: Celeste and Noelle. Philippa and Imogen. Fiona and Madigan. Holly and Laurel. Marin and Bridget. Annabel and Emeline. Phoebe and Stella. Felicity and Genevieve. Simone and Corrine. Cecily and Beatrix.

Name update! Amy writes:

After much discussion, my husband and I decided on the name Nor.ah without much arguing. Deciding on the second name was much harder. Although we both love the name Emily (perhaps even more than the names we eventually chose), it just didn’t go with any of the other names that we like. It turned out that this was the reason for my hesitation about using the name and not its popularity. The name Gra.ce had been suggested to me by several people including swistle readers, my mother and my husband. Eventually, it grew on me and I now couldn’t imagine our Baby B having any other name. I was worried to read that another swistle twin mom had used Gra.ce has her second twin name and thought that maybe it was the go to name for second twin girls. However, I have decided to let popularity issues go and have no regrets about our baby girls Nor.ah and Gra.ce.

Tiffany writes:

I have been following your blog ever since I found out I was pregnant back in July. I am due Feb. 10th with my first child and it’s a girl. My husband and I seem to have completely opposite tastes in girl names. I have been to a ton of baby name websites and have purchased 5 different baby name books in search of a name that fits for us. I am willing to compromise a little with him but the problem is that it has been like pulling teeth to get him to come up with any names he likes. However, most of the names I throw out, he has almost immediately rejected. I am hoping you and your readers can come up with some other name options for us!

Here is a little background information. We both had common names growing up and are looking for something a little more unique. I am against any top 10 name. My name (Tiffany) seems to be one of those classified as an 80s name that went out of style pretty quickly so I am trying to avoid current names that will have a similar fate. Our surname is very Italian, Barone. My favorite names have been generally been of Italian/Latin origin; very feminine and flowy. The few names he has come up with have been more American and less girly. If we were having a Boy we seemed to agree that it would/will be Roman Joseph Barone (middle name in his honor), so we want something that will sound ok with Roman. The other boy name we both like: Dominic.

Names on my list:
Luciana (This is the only name we can semi-agree on, both not sold. I am scared that there will be too many Lucys and that it will be almost impossible to avoid as a nn)
Madalena (not thrilled about the nickname Maddie)
Livia (nickname Livie, but husband says no because he thinks it’s looks like we forgot the O)
Sofia (too popular)
Gianna (We both like, but I don’t like the nn Gia)
Lydia (I love but I don’t know if it will become too popular, he seems ok with)

Names that I like but husband vetoed: Serena, Noelle, Gemma, Liviana

My Husbands list:
Juniper (his number one choice, when we have thrown it around to friends and family they have been very against this name. I’m not sure if it is too out there for us and I hate the nn June and I also think it would not match any future sibling names including Roman)
Audrey (just ok to me)
Avery ( I dislike)
Clara ( I am ok with but a little old sounding/too popular)
Meryl (I vetoed)
She-Ra ( He better have been joking!!)

Names that are out because of close friends/relatives’ baby names:
Chloe, Sophia, Addison, Cecily, Holiday, Charlotte, Ella, Madalyn, Makayla, Hailey, Alaya, Hope, Leah, Zoe, Isabella, Tabitha

Additional info: We aren’t too concerned about middle names. We aren’t big on traditions/naming after people. We don’t want a B name.

We are excited for any input/help! Thank you!

Oh, man. This sounds like Paul. I had to say to him things like, “I’m about to suggest a girl name I really like, and I want you to NOT react immediately: just THINK about it for awhile first.” I had…moderate success with that.

If you have The Baby Name Wizard, I suggest you and your husband individually go through the categories in the back and find the categories you each like most. Then, each of you go through the other one’s sections and see if you find anything you like.

You could also take each name from his list and see if there’s a fancier version. Like Clara: would he go for Clarissa? would you? Or Claudia? Or Cleo? Or Celeste? I realize we’re getting farther from Clara with every step, but this can be a good way to brainstorm names. Meryl might lead you to Marissa or Minerva.

If you like Livia but he objects to it as a headless Olivia, it’s really too bad he rejects Liviana. I think that extra syllable distances it from Olivia, and you’d still have the nickname Livvie.

If he likes Juniper and you like Madalena, I wonder if you’d both like Magnolia?

Madalena with no Maddy: Marilena.

Gianna with no Gia: Gigi. I don’t think I would have gone naturally to Gia, though, anyway. Are you thinking of using the more Italian pronunciation of something like JON-nah, or the more U.S. pronunciation gee-AH-nah? Gianna is rising pretty rapidly, though, if you’re trying to avoid common names. I wonder if you’d like Imogen?

I know of a baby girl named Silvia, nickname Silvie, and it’s a surprisingly fresh and adorable name. I think removing that Y is what transforms it from Old Broad to Little Sweetie, and emphasizes the pretty silver/silvery sound of it.

Lorelei, maybe?

I mentioned Minerva in passing, above, but I really like that one. Minerva Barone, with the nickname Minnie if you want it. I have three associations with that name. One I have only from commenters on this blog, who have told me that Minerva is the name of a birth control pill. I worked in a PHARMACY and still didn’t make that association with the name—and children certainly wouldn’t know about it. The second association is stronger: Professor Minerva McGonagall from the Harry Potter books. She is an excellent association for me: strong and smart and good. The final association I have is with the Roman goddess of wisdom—and since she’s associated with the owl, I sense a CUTE NURSERY THEME. (For a second I thought, “Oh no! Roman goddess and they like the name Roman! Conflict!” Hee! I think I need one more cup of coffee. Or possibly one fewer cups.)

Name update! Tiffany writes:

Hello again! I wanted to update everyone that our little girl was born this month and we luckily finally agreed on a name! Right when we saw her we knew she was a Luciana. The full name we went with was Luciana Juniper Barone. Since the first name was my original suggestion, DH got to pick his favorite name for her middle name. Her nickname will be Lucy and DH will call her Junebug. Thanks again for all the help and suggestions. Your blog and followers are great!

Erin writes:

I’m Erin and my husband Hayden and I are expecting twin girls after years of TTC. The girls are due on the 28th of February, but in reality they could come much earlier than that, so I would really like to get their names sorted out. However my husband and I can’t agree on names!

The only name that we both love (I have always loved it) is Sophia. I am pretty set on it, but we have a dog named Ciara. Do you think that Sophia and Ciara are too similar?

We have decided that the girls middle names will be Jane and Isobel after family members, but we will just sort that out later.

Anyway, we want a name that:
– Does not end in an ‘a’ or an ‘uh’ sound.
– Does not start with an E, H, C or S.
– Sounds good with either Isobel or Jane as the middle name.
– Is not misspelled, masculine or ‘trendy’ (like Camryn).
– Sounds good with Sophia.

We don’t care about the popularity of the name, but we want a name that is similar in popularity to Sophia (ie. We would prefer something like Alyssa [but we can’t use that] over something like Audrina).

Names we have considered/like but are out are:
– Isabella
– Ava
– Madeleine
– Mia
– Chloe
– Olivia
– Audrey

Oh and our last name is similar to McKenzie.

 
No, I don’t think Ciara and Sophia are too similar.

Your “out” list is devastating, because most of those are the very names I’d suggest. Sophia and Isobel would be perfect, for example: similarly common but similarly exotic; same number of letters and syllables; so good with your surname. One of the few remaining in the Top 10 is Emma, but that starts with E and ends with A.

It would be helpful to know whether the restrictions (starting letters, ending sounds) are actual restrictions or just preferences in search of the ideal. Are you trying not to repeat the parents’ initials as well as not repeating the children’s? And are you trying not to repeat the DOG’S initial? And so very many girl names end with -a, especially the ones that are a similar level of femininity to Sophia. It seems like you could be unnecessarily eliminating huge groups of names that might contain a name you’d love enough to be willing to compromise on the beginning or ending.

It would also be helpful to know how set you were on those middle names if you found a first name you LOVED that didn’t work with either of them. In general I think it’s significantly easier to choose the first names FIRST, then go looking for middle names that work with them.

[Note: I initially ended at this point, because I considered the restrictions too…restricty…to work with. But then I thought maybe I was just too tired, and I should try again in the morning. So the first two comments in the comments section on this post are BEFORE my suggestions: if I make a suggestion and they appear to be re-making it, it’s that they hadn’t yet read anything after this point.]

Names that work with your restrictions (no E, H, C, or S; no ending in -a or similar sound):

Abigail McKenzie; Sophia and Abigail
Alice McKenzie; Sophia and Alice
Annabel McKenzie; Sophia and Annabel
Grace McKenzie; Sophia and Grace
Lillian McKenzie; Sophia and Lillian
Lily McKenzie; Sophia and Lily
Louise McKenzie; Sophia and Louise
Lucy McKenzie; Sophia and Lucy
Molly McKenzie; Sophia and Molly
Natalie McKenzie; Sophia and Natalie
Noelle McKenzie; Sophia and Noelle
Rose McKenzie; Sophia and Rose
Ruby McKenzie; Sophia and Ruby
Violet McKenzie; Sophia and Violet
Zoe McKenzie; Sophia and Zoe

Names that break some or many of your restrictions but I want to mention them anyway:

Catherine McKenzie; Sophia and Catherine
Cecily McKenzie; Sophia and Cecily
Charlotte McKenzie; Sophia and Charlotte
Claire McKenzie; Sophia and Claire
Clarissa McKenzie; Sophia and Clarissa
Elena McKenzie; Sophia and Elena
Elise McKenzie; Sophia and Elise
Eliza McKenzie; Sophia and Eliza
Ella McKenzie; Sophia and Ella
Eloise McKenzie; Sophia and Eloise
Hailey McKenzie; Sophia and Hailey
Hope McKenzie; Sophia and Hope
Lila McKenzie; Sophia and Lila
Marissa McKenzie; Sophia and Marissa

Some of these are not really in the same popularity ballpark as Sophia, but I tried to stay with names that felt more popular than they were. For example, I’m always surprised at the ratings of Catherine and Eliza, because they feel much more common than they are.

For the most part I disregarded the dog’s name.

Updated question! Erin writes:

I wrote to you not too long ago about naming my twin daughters. I’m the one who had all of the ‘restrictions’ LOL, I’m sorry I was such a hassle! But anyway thanks for answering it, as we have decided on names! However, now that we have decided on first names, we are struggling to decide which baby should have which middle name.

So the girls are going to be Lily and Sophia. We have the name Jane and Isobel chosen, but my problem is that I love Lily Jane and Sophia Isobel, but then I feel as though Lily Jane is sweet and short, and Sophia Isobel is beautiful and long. I don’t mind Lily Isobel and Sophia Jane, but I don’t like the sound of Lily Isobel as much.

Does Lily Jane and Sophia Isobel sound okay for twin sisters?

Name update! Erin writes:

I am happy to announce that the girls were born on the 2nd of Feb, and are doing wonderful!

Now for their names. After reading the responses from my second question, I was sure that the girls would be Sophia Isobel and Lily Jane. A couple of days before they were born I just fell out of love with Lily (mind you, this was after we had ordered letters for their names for the nursery). I read over my question, Swistle’s answer, and everyone’s comments, THEN I made my hubby do the same ;-) However we then both decided on a name for Sophia’s sister, and we are very happy with it!

So, the girls are Sophia Jane and Grace Isobel. We are calling Sophia, Sophia, and Grace, Gracie. We are in love with our Sophia and Gracie, and I believe they are the perfect names for them!

Thank you everyone for helping us!

Michelle writes:

My husband and I are discussing names, and this is what has happened:

I LOVE a name. He is “meh” on it or slightly ok with it, but seeing how much I LOVE the name (for the record, it’s Joel, and he knew a kid in 5th grade that was a jerk with that name – who cares, right?) he says “ok, fine, we can use it.”

I feel BAD about this because hello! It’s our childs name! I want us to both LOVE the name equally! But at the same time, I also want to use it!

So when does one spouse win over the other, and when is it ok to go alright, I love this name and we can’t find another that we love, so let’s use it and let it grow on us when the adorable baby comes along and we forget about stupid 5th graders from 25 years ago.

(Also for the record, we both agreed upon and LOVED our daughters name.)

Thanks for your help and any advice!!!!

This is so hard. I don’t know, really, how two people EVER find a name they both love, even though it happens time and time again, including in my very own family.

Here’s what I’ve noticed: some people feel more strongly about names than other people. There are people like my in-laws, who never glanced at a baby name book: one of them just said, “What about Paul? We need a boy’s name, and that’s a boy’s name,” and the other one said “Sure.” Then there are people like me, making lists on the inside covers of baby name books years before a pregnancy was on the horizon.

Paul is somewhere in the middle: he’s more opinionated than his parents, but he’s not anywhere NEAR as invested/interested as I am. He’d rather take my list and make a checkmark next to any name that would be fine with him. This can be frustrating for me, because I want him to LOVVVVVVVVVVVVE a name and be all EXCITED about it, but I think sometimes he DOES really like a name but doesn’t have my same SQUEEE feeling about it—just as I might appreciate a new computer in the house but don’t get all EXCITED about it like he does. So, just as I let him have more say in computer decisions because he’s the one who cares more, I try to let it be okay that he lets me have more say in baby name decisions—even though I’d prefer him to be more excited. (And it would be worse if he WERE excited about names, but about DIFFERENT names than I liked!) But it’s especially difficult in this situation for you, because your husband DID love a name the first time around.

Have you heard that Voltaire quote? I’ve seen it translated a number of ways (“Better is the enemy of Good,” “Perfection is the enemy of Good Enough,” “The downfall of Good is Better,” etc.), but the gist of it is that insisting on perfection can really screw things up. I think of that quote whenever parents write to me agitating because they’ve found lots of great names but none of them have been “The One”: the obvious PERFECT candidate standing apart from all the rest, different than all the others, with both parents LOVING the name with ALL THEIR HEARTS. In this case, Joel is the Good. It would be ideal if the name were one that both you and your husband feel like you’ll DIE if you can’t use it (especially if that happened with your daughter’s name), but that’s not a goal you have to try to achieve: finding a name that one of you loves and the other one likes well enough to use it is already a big win. Changing to a name you both feel equally meh about wouldn’t be an improvement.

But I am always in favor of continuing to quest: name-questing is fun! And because this quest has a natural expiration date, you don’t have to worry that it will go on forever with no resolution. So if I were you I’d continue to look for a name you DO both love (you could still use Joel as the middle name), just to see if such a name exists—and have the plan be to name the baby Joel if you DON’T find such a name. Paul and I have had two babies where we had a name we were planning to use (a “one of us loves it, the other one is fine/willing” name), and then late in the pregnancy we found another name we both liked better. Not a magical name with The Star of Bethlehem hanging over it, but an improvement for both of us.

Ooo, in fact, that’s a good way to think of it: as each name having a score from each parent, and the goal being to find a balance that maximizes both the individual parental scores AND the name’s total score—WITHOUT insisting on a Perfect Ten. Just trying to improve the score as much as it can be improved for the particular situation. (Two of my favorite things: baby names and MATH!) With our daughter, Paul’s first choice was Elizabeth, so he would have given it 10 points; his second choice was Genevieve, which he would have given 8 points. Of those two, I would have given Genevieve 8 points and Elizabeth 5 points. I liked Emily and Liana each 9 points; Paul liked each of them 3 points. So for us, the right name of those four would have been Genevieve: it gave us the best possible pair of individual scores (i.e., each of us could have gotten a higher score with a different name, but only at the significant expense of the other parent), and that’s what we almost certainly would have used except this was one of the situations where late in the pregnancy we then found a name we both liked better.

I have been totally hogging the floor, and this is a subject that’s opinion-variation-rich and PERFECT for discussion. Michelle and I would like to hear what the rest of you think, and how the rest of you deal with it if you and the other parent have trouble finding a name you both love.

Name update! Michelle writes:

Joel Michael was born 4/28/11, 8lbs 20 inches, and is PERFECT – we love the name and there are definitely no lingering feelings of one of us having “won.”

Katie writes:

I have wanted to write to you for about a month, but I’ve put it off every time thinking I am surely capable of naming my own child. Yet, here I am two days away from my due date and we are still at a total loss. So, I find myself in the position of having to sheepishly ask your opinion in this, the eleventh hour. Hopefully, you can help us out before baby arrives!

We are expecting our third child, a girl, on January 8. We have two boys, Daniel Henry, and Peter Michael. My full name is Catherine, but I go by Katie to most people in my life. My husband is Henry. Our last name is two syllables, Cor**n. We had no trouble at all naming our boys. We made lists, placed the names in the order of our preference, and it turned out that we both liked the same names the best. Daniel and Peter were our clear favorites from the beginning and we waited until each was born to make sure the name chosen suited them. Our third place name was James, but Peter just suited him beautifully, so we went with it.

We are having so much trouble, though, with girl names. We made the lists and ranked them in order of preference. The trouble is that every time we look at the list, we have different preferences. Worst of all, sometimes I just love them all too much to decide between them. Other times I dislike them all equally and find none of them suitable for my daughter. I’m hoping I can offer you our list and get some opinions. We’ve never needed opinions before, but given the fact that we’ve actually gone back and started to look at new names entirely, maybe it’s time to call in the reinforcements.

Here is our current list in our current order of preference:

Meredith
Abigail
Elizabeth (I really like this name, and love the nn Ellie for it, but my husband is not really on board)
Eleanor (We both love this name, and it gives us our nn Ellie, but I’m not sure it goes well with our last name. The common “or” sound bothers me a little. Henry doesn’t seem to mind it, though, and its beginning to grow on me)
Alice (a beloved aunt)
Ellie (the nickname we love on its own, but I really prefer having a longer, more formal name for myself, and I am projecting that desire onto my child. But, if this is a serious enough name on its own, then maybe I should consider it?)
Grace
Amelia
Cecilia

We have also today begun to explore the possibility of Elise, which would also give us the nickname Ellie. I don’t like it as much as Elizabeth, and Henry doesn’t like it as much as Eleanor. So, its a compromise. But, I’d hate to think that we’d settle for a name that neither of us likes just to get the nickname we like. Especially when Ellie is a pretty decent standalone name.

My worst fear is that we will name the baby and end up with name regret because we are so unsure of ourselves now. Help!

Alice. Absolutely I would choose Alice. Not only is it wonderful with Daniel and Peter, and wonderful with Cor__n, it’s a family name—and the name of a BELOVED family member to boot.

Well, but I also love Meredith. I think it’s wonderful and underused. So that’s a good one too. I like Meredith Eleanor Cor___n.

Ellie is not traditionally a nickname for Elizabeth. However, I’ve noticed more and more people are doing it as they search for a way to get to the nickname Ellie. Perhaps soon it WILL be a traditional nickname for Elizabeth.

I think of Ellie as a nickname, but of Elle and Ella as full names. Elle Cor__n or Ella Cor__n would be pretty, and you could call her Ellie either way.

I love Eliza even more: Eliza Cor__n; Daniel, Peter, and Eliza. Or Eloise? Eloise Cor__n; Daniel, Peter, and Eloise.

A name that was completely off my radar until a friend’s sister used it is Elsa. The baby in question was Elsa Jane, which is lovely with your surname: Elsa Jane Cor__n; Daniel, Peter, and Elsa.

A name I’ve loved since before I had children is Elodie. It’s like Ellie with more substance. I used to think I’d use it with the middle name Jane: Elodie Jane Cor__n; Daniel, Peter, and Elodie. Not a perfect style mesh with Daniel and Peter, but I generally think it’s fine to have a boy/girl style split in a family.

Cecilia makes me break into song, but Cecily has a similar sound with no singing. Cecily Cor__n; Daniel, Peter, and Cecily. I love that. Maybe Cecily Meredith Cor__n?

I will stop playing now and turn this over to the commenters to get things going as soon as possible.

Name update! Katie writes:

Baby girl Cor–n has arrived! Our daughter, Alice Catherine, was born on July 10. We are so thankful for all the help you and your readers gave us. Seeing your responses reminded us that we have other beautiful names, besides Ellie, that we both love equally. And, that was ultimately more important than getting just the right nickname. We decided to focus on our other names and had it down to either Alice or Meredith. It turns out she looks just like an Alice. Plus, we couldn’t go wrong naming our daughter after a wonderful woman who was so loved.

We’ll keep Meredith in our back pockets just in case we decide to try for baby #4!

Thank you so much!

Meg writes:

Please help name Our baby boy he is due 10th feb,surname E***n.
We have Four main contenders, though suggestions are very welcome!
Our list currently stands at
Noah
Evan
Ted (this would be his full name as opposed to edward of theodore)
Myles

We like slightly less common names but my partner doesn’t like anything to out there and wouldn’t let me use
Atticus
Ernest
Dexter

We would like him to have the middle name jacob
As a middle name as its a family name, I like the idea of two middle names
Though and had considered
Alfie
fyfe
Arther
Jasper
As possible 2nd middle names to go before jacob.
So the question really is which (if any!) First name/middle name
Combo would you say sounds best and if you think there all clearly terrible ideas and my hormones are playing tricks on me then what should I go for?
Many thanks for your time and much needed help!

 
My favorite is Evan Jacob E____n, unless Evan E___n sounds odd with the same starting/ending letters, in which case my favorite is Miles Jacob E___n. I’d spell it Miles, not only because I prefer that spelling but because changing to a Y is a typical way to feminize a name. If you decide to use two middle names, I like Arthur best. Would your partner be okay with one of your more uncommon favorites as a second middle name?

Name update! Meg writes:

You guys helped a ton and I agreed with your choices …. OH had other ideas though! I am pleased to announce that Noah Alfie Jacob E___n was born on the 31st Jan at 1 am. Im going to keep all your name help as suggestions for the future.
Thank you again for your comments and help.

Maria writes:

I am pregnant with baby #3 (due in early February) and have never been so stressed about naming. It really does get harder each time, so it’s good that we’re planning on this being our last.

My family is mostly Italian and Greek. My husband is from England. Our daughter is named Eleni Nicole and our son is Rhys James. So far, one Greek and one Welsh name. I’m expecting a baby girl and would prefer to give her an Italian first name, although loving the name is more important than the background.

Some names that I’ve been throwing around are:

Caterina
Lucia
Chiara
Melina (nn Millie after my grandmother), but that’s another Greek name

I also love the name Caia and have considered naming her Caterina with Caia as a nickname. Does that seem like too much of a stretch? I loved Eleni’s name for years before we had her. The only other name I’ve crushed on that far back is Caia but I can’t decide whether I prefer having the more formal Caterina as a given name with possible nicknames like Caia, Carina, Cat, Rina, etc……

The kids have been referring to her as Caterina Lucia which I liked for a while but am doubting now. Not sure if it’s too sing songy. E&R both have an “ethnic” first name and a more traditional name. Not sure Lucia in the middle matches Nicole and James.

I like Chiara but worry about the lack of nicknames. The only one I can think of is Kiki which isn’t my favorite.

Lucia is gorgeous but I think pronunciation will be an issue and I’m not sure whether I prefer loo-CHEE-ah or LOO-sha. Plus Leni and Lucy is pretty rhymey.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the names. Our last name is Freedman (without the D). My name is Maria and my husband is Joel.

A final consideration is that my kids usually go by Leni (pronounced like Laney) and Rhys. Do Leni, Rhys and Caia “match”? Do any of the others sound better as a sibling set? I am open to any and all suggestions, both for first and middle names.

Thank you for considering us, I would love some feedback.

And:

My grandfather died last week. His name was Joseph, and I think I’d like to use Josephine as a middle name in his honor.

I’d like to hear opinions on names that would work well. I still really like the name Caia but wonder if it’s too short or nicknamey?

Thank you in advance for your thoughts.

And:

I am so sorry to write again but I have one last update for your consideration. This naming business is making me crazy!

My kids keep calling the baby “Cataweena” which is really making me lean toward naming her Caterina, with possible nicknames of Caia, Carina or Cat. In talking to my sister who is about to marry and was very close to our grandfather who passed away, she likes the idea of using Joseph for one of her children. Since my son’s middle name is already after my father, I’m happy with “saving” Josephine for her to use in the future.

So….Caterina Lucia (my daughter’s choice) still seems a little singsongy to me, not sure about that. I would consider any suggestions you and your readers can offer. I think that Eleni, Rhys and Caterina go together pretty well, but not sure that Lucia fits with Nicole and James? Or whether that really even matters, to be honest.

My husband isn’t crazy about Chiara or Lucia as first names, so I think they’re out. I still love Melina, but came across the fact that melena is a medical term with a pretty gross meaning which holds me back, plus he doesn’t really like it anyway.

So I think Caterina will be her name. Can you help with the middle name?

Thanks so much, I apologize for my dithering!

 
No apologies for dithering/updating! I like to be able to answer an up-to-date question. I feel so sorry for the parents who write me in, say, June, and then their due-date group isn’t worked on until December—probably all their list is changed by then!

Let’s see if I can answer all the questions!

1. My opinion is that Caia is too much of a stretch as a nickname for Caterina: it’s a completely unrelated stand-alone name. “Formal names” are useful when the nickname is the desired name but doesn’t seem right/enough as a given name—so the parents choose Charles instead of Charlie, for example, or Katherine instead of Kate. Caterina, though, is the formal name for Cat and Cate, not for Caia. For Caia, Caterina is just “a longer name, also starting with C.”

2. I don’t think either Caterina Lucia or Caia Lucia are too sing-songy. In fact, I’m very partial to that kind of sound in names.

3. I also like the pronunciation lu-SEE-ah. But if you’re trying for an Italian name, my first choice is lu-CHEE-ah to reflect that.

4. I admit to being swayed by the kids calling the baby Catarina—but the parents get first choice on the name, and the kids will soon call her whatever you name her, and just as cutely too.

5. While I too like sibling names to coordinate, I don’t think you need to worry at all about the middle names not being perfectly coordinated. Middle names can be chosen for a variety of reasons, and so it’s common for them to NOT coordinate (e.g., even if all three names were namesake names, the namesakes are likely to have had names that don’t match at all stylistically).

6. I think Eleni/Leni, Rhys, and Caia sound like a good sibling group. I also think Eleni/Leni, Rhys, and Caterina sound like a good sibling group.

Everyone you ask will of course have their own set of answers to your questions. But my main opinion is that you should name your daughter the name you love, which is Caia—and not try to stretch it to some other name just because of the number of letters. Rhys is the same number of letters as Caia, but it wasn’t necessary to search for a much longer name starting with R and then try to use Rhys as a nickname for it: you just named him Rhys. Since Eleni also goes by a four-letter nickname, the name Caia is if anything a better sibling-name fit than Caterina. If, however, you PREFER the name Caterina, I think you should use Caterina. In either case, I think Lucia is the perfect middle name.

Name update! Maria writes:

Thank you and your readers for chiming in on my panicky naming confusion. After all the obsessing for months about the same few names, she ended up being named something completely different.

Isla Catherine was born February 7th. My husband suggested the name a few days before she was born and it just clicked. I’ve attached a photo of our little Isla…..

Anne writes:

My husband and I are expecting our first child in early February 2011. We don’t know the sex, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s a boy. This is a bit of a problem, since we are all set for girls names, but can’t come up with anything boy-friendly.

My family is French Canadian, and I really want our children to have names that work in both French and English. We are hyphenating our last names, with my name coming second, so the baby’s last name will be Coe-Thériault.

The only name that I’ve come up with that I like is Emile, but my husband says that it makes him think of a little boy in a sailor suit, which to me sounds kind of adorable, but apparently not to him. He prefers Charles, but I’m not too keen on that. Other possibilities that we’ve thought of have been Henry, Felix, Lucien and Theodore. The baby’s middle name will be Ernest, after my grandfather.

Any suggestions? I would love to hear them!

And:

So Charles is pretty much out (I think that my husband has come around to the fact that I’m not going to love it). I still love Emile, but I find that a lot of English-speaking people aren’t familiar with it and might have a hard time pronouncing it. Also, I worry that he (if it is a he!) will end up being called Emily. So right now the main two we’re considering are Theodore and Isaac.

So my question is basically fourfold – is Emile awful? Or am I over-thinking this? Is Theodore (n.n. Theo) super dorky? I’m worried he might get teased. Is Isaac too popular? We’d like to avoid anything over-used. Do you have any other suggestions?

Also, it occurred to me that it might be helpful if I explained how to pronounce our last name. Coe is like Co. (as in Tiffany & Co.) and Thériault is like the back half of Ontario.

Thank you!

 
Emile definitely isn’t awful—but I agree with you that it’s too much like Emily for the U.S. (especially with creative spellings so common). Not IMPOSSIBLY so, but I’d avoid it. I think the spelling Emil works better, but maybe that ruins it in French?

Theodore definitely isn’t too dorky, and it’s coming into style nicely (that is, it’s rising just a little, so the name won’t seem weird, but it’s not rising in a rapid, worrying way), and the nickname Theo is great. My main hesitation is that Theo Coe-Thériault is so rhymey: theO cO tariO. Maybe Sebastien instead? Sebastien Ernest Coe-Thériault.

Isaac, Henry, and Felix are three of my favorite boy names. Isaac is currently the most popular of all the possibilities: #40 in the U.S. in 2009, according to the Social Security Administration, but I think of #40 as a very nice place for a name (especially a boy name) to be: familiar but not EVERYWHERE. The C in Isaac runs together a little with the C in Coe, but not so much as to be a deal-breaker—just enough to want to consider it beforehand.

Henry is next-most-popular at #71. Felix is the biggest risk at #339: I’ve noticed when considering it on my own lists that the generation before us finds it shocking—but then, they find the name Henry shocking, too. (Heh—this suddenly reminds me of my late mother-in-law, who would complain that people weren’t using NORMAL names anymore, names like [list of names in the top ten when she and/or her own children were born].)

Another possibility is Pascal. Blaise Pacal is a cool sciencey-mathy namesake, and since he was French I assume his name works well in French. Pascal Ernest Coe-Thériault.

With the rest of the name, I think my favorite is Henry. Henry Coe-Thériault, Henry Ernest Coe-Thériault.

I’ll leave other suggestions to people who know which names work in French.

Name update! Anne writes:

I am writing to give you and the commenters on your blog a huge THANK YOU for your help. Theodore Ernest Joseph Coe-Thériault made his appearance three weeks early, on January 17th. Theodore was seriously the only name that ended up being able to agree on, and I’m glad we chose it, because Theo really suits him. It is a bit rhymey with his last name, but only if you use the nickname, so I’m not too worried about that.

Thank you guys for giving me the confidence to go ahead and use it, and not worry about it being too dorky. Everyone loves the name so far!

Kate writes:

I am due with my first baby January 20th, my name is Kate and my husband is Daniel, we don’t know the gender but we are pretty decided on a boys name: Hudson James Clancy (Clancy being our last name). Our alternate boys names if Hudson doesn’t feel right are: Riel James or Maxwell James (I also like the names Leif and Finley)

BUT: we are totally undecided on a baby girl names, I like names that are easy to spell and have been heard of before but aren’t SUPER common. We are thinking of Eleanor as the middle name (as it is a family name and we think it is lovely)

Harper Eleanor (I can’t decide if I think Harper is too common, does it sound “classic” or just “trendy”)
Hazel Eleanor (I like the old style of this name)
Scarlett Eleanor
Nelle (NN Nelly – middle name would have to be something other than Eleanor – maybe Kathryn?)
Beatrix Eleanor (I like the spunky sound but I am not sure it is classic enough for me.)
Violet Eleanor (I love how girly it is, but I am afraid of it’s popularity)

I love classic English or Irish names, but I just can’t seem to find one that I love as much as I love Hudson for the boy. Also, I quite like the idea of it being a “girly” but classic sounding name.

Name update! Kate writes:

We had our baby girl on January 20, 2011. We named her Lily Eleanor. When she was born she didn’t look like any of the names we had chosen, she has such delicate features, she needed a delicate name. A couple of days before she was born, my husband and I remembered a name that we had chosen for our “future babies” when we first met (at age 16!), that name was Lily. We had forgotten all about it and it was perfect, she just looked like a Lily Eleanor. She is now three months old and it is perfect for her. If I could offer one piece of advice, don’t worry about how popular a name is, if you love it, that is all that matters. Thanks for all of the lovely suggestions!