Sarah writes:

We are expecting a baby girl around 4th of July. Our son is called River, but he is a fourth, and his full name is Richard S___ H___ IV. We used the R from Richard and IV from fourth to get River. We wanted him to have a more unusual nickname, but like that he has a traditional name as well. My husband goes by Rush, from the initials RSH. My name is Sarah, which I have never really liked because I was always one of 6 or 7 Sarahs in school and among my friends. But, it is a family name that goes pretty far back in my family tree, and my middle name is my mom’s maiden name. I like the family/tradition aspects of my name. Our last name sounds very similar to Hamilton. We would like our daughter ideally to have a family name as well, since the rest of us do. This will probably be our last child.

My favorite is Rose, with the nickname Rosie. I love it and it meets all of my name-nerd criteria. I like that it is traditional/timeless, but not super popular. I think it is popular as a middle name, but is in the 300s on the social security list of first names. I also like that it is a word and has a nature theme like River, without sounding too matchy. (A lot of people have suggested names like Brooke, Sky, etc, to go with River, but those all seem overly matchy/naturey, where Rosie does not to me.) One of my grandmothers is Rosemary and Rose is a name that appears several times in my family tree. The middle name would be my maiden name. People have a very positive reaction to this name when I mention it, except for my husband.

My husband does not like Rose/Rosie. He likes more androgynous/tomboyish names for girls. He thinks Rose is too flowery and frilly. His favorite name is Holland. It was his great-grandfather’s first name. I don’t mind the nickname Holly, but I really don’t like the sound of Holland Hamilton, it is a mouthful of a name. If we did go with Holland, I would want to use a more feminine middle name, maybe Rose, instead of my maiden name. I also have a bad association with name Holland from a family I knew growing up whose last name was Holland. I am having a hard time getting over that association. We have looked at other family last names, but none of them really work as a girl’s first name. If this baby had been a boy, he probably would have been Burke, which was my grandmother’s last name. We both love it, but it seems too masculine for a girl.

A compromise family name that we both like but neither of us totally love, is Dora/Dory. My husband’s grandmother was Doreen and my mom is Donna, so Dora seems like a good combination of the two, and Dory is a cute nickname. Not sure what the middle name would be. My maiden name stars with D and doesn’t sound great with Dora. Rose also doesn’t flow very well. The big issue, however — Dora the Explorer and Dory the fish from Finding Nemo are causing most people to have a bad reaction to the name and no one we mention it to likes it. Dora is not in the SSA top 1000, probably because of the cartoon, even though rhyming names like Cora and Nora have been rising. I would be interested to hear what your readers think about Dora! Will anyone even remember the cartoon when our daughter is grown up? I realize she would likely get teased as a child, but who doesn’t, and I’m not sure a cartoon should prevent us from using the name.

A final family name option is Elizabeth with the nickname Libby. This is my other grandmother’s name, and it has been used a lot by other family members, though none of them are Libby. I have a cousin who goes by Elizabeth, a few other cousins with the middle name Elizabeth, and my niece is Elspeth (scottish version of Elizabeth) but we call her Ellie mostly. It is a nice name, but maybe too popular overall and definitely overused by my family. I also don’t think Libby really goes with River very well. (We talked for a while about calling her Liberty nn Libby if she is born on 4th of July, but then I found out that River Phoenix had a sister named Liberty and so, no.)

Since our son is named after my husband, a lot of people have been suggesting that I should have final say on the name of our daughter. And I think if I really pushed for Rosie, my husband would eventually give in, but it would be nice to use a name that we both like! We have a list of non-family names that we both like, but as we get closer to the due date, it is seeming more important to me that she have a family name. The non-family names we agree on are Fiona, Ainsley and Penelope/Pippa. All sound good with my maiden name as the middle name, so she would still have some family connection.

Sorry this is long, feel free to edit! Thanks!

 
Oh dear, I’m afraid it’s true for me, too: the instant I hear the name Dora, the “D-d-d-d-d-Dora!” theme song starts playing in my head. And the show is still on the air, and I remember reading they’d branched out into a pre-teen-type Dora, too. It seems like in our children’s peer group, that’s going to be a well-known character. At least she is a strong and positive character, which can make the difference between deciding to go with it anyway and having to throw it out.

As to whether anyone will still remember the name when she’s grown up, I’m not sure. I thought back to the TV shows I watched as a child: I was an early-’70s baby, so I remember Sesame Street. The names Oscar and Ernie and Bert and Gordon still have strong associations for me. Maria and Olivia have only faint associations: they’ve been diluted by frequent use. A name like Dora lacks that dilution, but may achieve it later on—or might, even a generation later, still be a name like Ernie.

One possible solution is naming her Isadora and calling her Dora—but if you or she finds the teasing is too annoying, she can switch to Izzy or to Isadora. The downside: now we have drifted quite far from the namesakes. If I were named Donna or Doreen, I don’t think it would feel like an Isadora was named after me.

Berkley comes to mind, because of Burke. But again, with family names, finding variations doesn’t really help—since then they’re not family names anymore. Still, you’d have the positive association, and with your maiden name as the middle name, she’ll have still have a family name.

A name I love with Richard is Margaret. And an old nickname for Margaret is Daisy. Richard and Margaret; River and Daisy. But if your husband didn’t like Rosie, he might not feel any happier about Daisy.

Since your son is named after your husband, it is appealing to think of naming your daughter after you. It’s a family name on your side, and the name Sarah has two nicknames I think are adorable: Sadie and Sally. I think Sadie is best with River: Richard and Sarah, called River and Sadie.

Name update! Sarah writes:

Thanks to you and all the readers for your input. Many of the suggestions we had already considered and decided against. We had talked about naming her Sarah with the nickname Sadie, but my husband didn’t like that it looks like the word Sad. For similar reasons, he doesn’t like Violet –it reminds him of violent. Hollis was the name of a computer program I used to use every day at work, so that was out. And thanks for alerting us to expansion of the Dora cartoon to Teen Dora, that helped us decide against using it.
I am happy to say that my husband came around to my favorite name, and Rosie was born on July 6th. We are home now and doing great! Thanks again.

Genevieve writes:

Hello! I’m a huge fan of both your blogs and really should have sent in this much earlier, because my due date’s in TEN. DAYS. (eep) and we still are having a monstrous problem with naming our son.

I’m Genevieve, he’s Will. We have two daughters, Isadora Ruby (5) and Clementine Luna (2 1/2), and call them Sadie and Cleo EXCLUSIVELY. Last name is McGregor.

We chose our daughters’ names for the nicknames they gave us (we felt that Sadie and Cleo were much too insubstantial for full names), not because we loved Isadora and Clementine. In fact, we really don’t love or even like Isadora; we just adored Sadie too much and Isadora was the most realistic way to get to it. Clementine we do like, though. Middle names were just names we liked that sounded nice with the full names, and the middle name for this bub will be the same.

I actually still feel really guilty about giving our oldest daughter a full name neither of us like and isn’t really that appealing at all–Sadie doesn’t much like it either. My name’s Genevieve and growing up I would get so many lovely comments about it, which gave me a much-needed confidence and self-esteem boost in adolescence and beyond. I’m worried (sometimes I fret about it to the point of being sick) that no one will ever tell Sadie she has a gorgeous name, and I feel kind of awful about hoisting upon her Isadora, though I’m still ridiculously in love with her nickname.

So we’d like not to have a lingering sense of naming remorse with this bub.

Anyway. Enough back story.

With Bub, we’ve had an awful time with the naming process. Unlike Sadie and Cleo, we haven’t even found a nickname that we totally adore yet, much less a full name.

The name we’re thinking we love is Rex, but there are numerous problems with it.

–We have no idea how to get to Rex through a more substantial name, and if we can’t find one, Rex is off the list. Any ideas?
–Rex is seen as a dog name. Sadie is seen as a dog name. Cleo is seen as a cat name. There’s a accidental theme going on here, and my husband doesn’t like it. I’m pretty okay with it, though.
–When we’ve told a few select people that we’re thinking of naming the baby Rex, we’ve gotten cringing and obvious distaste, even though they tried to hide it. Now, I’m not going to let other people dictate what we name our baby, BUT I don’t want people (like our parents and close friends) really hating his name, because there’s a good chance he won’t like it either.

What do YOU think, Swistle? Is Rex just too odd? As an objective third party who just so happens to be a fabulous namer, your opinion is definitely needed on this one.

Other names on our list that we’re strongly considering:
Ned–Edmund, Edward–Not a huge fan at all of either full name, with those nasally suffixes
Max–Maxwell, Maximilian–I kind of really love the alliteration, but hubby isn’t sure. Also the pet name theme thing again. Also popularity issues that are really, REALLY throwing me off here; I really didn’t like how popular Sadie was when we named her, though thankfully we’ve never even come across another Sadie yet, and Max is set to skyrocket up the charts.

Ned is Will’s favorite, Max is mine. But neither of them feel like The One.

I guess we’re looking for a spunky, fresh, fun nickname that goes with a respectable full name. Also, if there’s a name out there that’s spunky, fresh, and fun AND suitable for an adult professional, we’d love to hear it; the nickname thing isn’t mandatory at all. We’d rather not repeat first initials or have similar beginning or ending sounds.

If Bub had been a girl, we would have named her Penelope Isis and called her Piper; somewhat ironically, we’ve had this name in our back pockets since before we even started trying for a third baby. Sigh. Though we’re over the moon that Bub is a boy, a girl would have been so much easier to name. We’re tentatively set on having at least one more baby, so maybe we’ll be back in a few years if we have another boy ;)

Thanks, Swistle!

I am going to have to make this quick, because what the readers don’t know is that this “due date is in 10 days” email arrived (*checks watch*) 11 days ago. So I’m going to post INSTANTLY so everyone can start working on it if it’s not too late already.

Actually, FIRST I will say that I LOVE the name Isadora. LOVE IT. I don’t know why people keep using the extremely popular Isabella when they could instead use the similar-yet-almost-totally-neglected Isadora. So if I ever meet your daughter and she mentions her full name, _I_ will say, “What a GORGEOUS NAME!”

And then I will say that if you like Rex but feel like you’re not getting good feedback from your circle, I suggest Reid/Reed. I realize it’s not very similar (different vowel and different ending), but it came to mind. Sadie, Cleo, and Reid. Reid McGregor.

I’m having trouble thinking of any longer names that could give the nickname Rex. Everything I think of feels like a big reach. But that made me think of Redford, with the nickname Red. Redford McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Red.

With your surname, you have an excellent nickname opportunity WHATEVER name you choose: he could go by Mac. It’s similar to Max, but less common—and if you have any male relatives you’d like to honor in the first name slot but don’t love their names enough to use them daily, this is your opportunity.

One of my favorite nicknames for boys is Gus. Augusten, August, Angus, Augustus.

Another of my favorites is Dutch, but I’m not sure what to use as a full name.

Another favorite is Wesley/Wes. Wesley McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Wes.

It would repeat an initial, but only in the non-nickname name: Isaac/Ike. Isaac McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Ike.

Do you like either Franklin/Frank or Frederick/Fred?

Finn seems like it would work well: Sadie, Cleo, and Finn. It’s a stand-alone name, but if you wanted something longer there’s Finian or Finnegan.

I love Declan/Dec. Declan McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Dec.

Or Deacon/Deke. Deacon McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Deke.

Ever since watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the name Harvey has had “cute cool nice boy” associations for me. I think it makes a good cute/spunky/fresh child’s name and yet grows up to a perfectly appropriate adult name. Harvey McGregor.

Totally different style, but I think it hits the same mark: Keegan is both a fresh and spirited child’s name and a perfectly appropriate adult name.

Ooo, I just remembered another favorite boy nickname: Kip. It could be short for Kipling, or for Christopher. I think with Isadora and Clementine I prefer Kipling. Kipling McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Kip. That’s my favorite right there, I think. [Edit: The white supremacist views of Rudyard Kipling have been brought to my attention, and I would no longer recommend this name.]

Name update! Genevieve writes:

It was a tough decision, but we went with…

Finnegan Jude McGregor.

A reader suggested using both Finnegan and Jude and it dawned on us that that was an absolutely perfect idea.

While this means that we can’t use Jude as a future son’s name, we decided that we’d rather satisfy everyone right now with this actual baby’s name and not a save Jude for a baby we may never have.

The girls are even happier than I expected when we told them their baby brother’s name is Flynn. It was absolutely adorable. And my husband can still sing Hey Jude to baby Flynn, so he’s happy, too.

Our families are a bit puzzled as to how we got Flynn from Finnegan Jude (and that’s worrying me a teeny tiny bit) but they love both names, so we’re good there.

Thanks so much, everyone. You saved the day here.

If our next baby is a boy, you’ll probably hear from us again ;)

Kathryn writes:

I am expecting my second child, a boy, in three weeks. Our last name sounds like Night. We have a daughter named Luella Grace (we call her Lulu).

During my first pregnancy, before we knew Lulu was a girl, we had short lists picked out for both sexes. This time, when we found out we were expecting a boy, we went back to our original short list. One name stood out as the clear winner, and for months we thought we were all set. We were sure that this little guy would be Gaius Christopher (Christopher is my husband’s father’s name), and we loved it. However, a few weeks ago, as I did more searches for the name Gaius, doubt began to creep into my mind. I have never heard it pronounced any other way than GUY-us. But it seemed that there were people out there who were not sure how to pronounce it, or worse, pronounced it GAY-us. Even Nameberry mentioned “the teasing potential of the first syllable.” Really??

The other names on our original short list just don’t seem right anymore, so we’re considering Caius as an alternative. The G and C are interchangeable in Latin, so it was not a question of authenticity. I think Caius is also a great name. It just doesn’t sound quite as fluid to me as Gaius does with Christopher and Night. In addition, people seem to associate it with the Twilight series, and we have some good friends who just named their son Kai, which, I’m sure Caius will readily be called, even if we don’t use it as a nickname at home.

So, my question is, do we stick to our original Gaius (still the name both my husband and I prefer), or go with Caius in hopes that it will save my son from a lifetime of “Gaylord Focker” type teasing?

 
The name Gaius is so unfamiliar (it was given to only 12 U.S. baby boys in 2010), most people have never encountered it and will have to use their experience with the language to figure out how to pronounce it. In U.S. English, “ai” has no one single pronunciation, but it’s commonly pronounced AY (as in say and day): raid, braid, aid, Kaiden, Jaiden, Adelaide, laid, maid, paid, afraid, pain, rain. And words like gain, gaiety, gaily, gait, as well as names like Gail and Abigail, reinforce the idea that the specific combination “gai” is pronounced as in “gay,” not as in “guy.”

Furthermore, in looking in my dictionary to see if I could find any gai- words pronounced with the “guy” sound, I found Gaius listed—and my dictionary (Webster’s Encyclopedic Unabridged) gives the pronunciation as GAY-us. Howjsay.com says it’s GUY-us or GAY-us. So does Merriam-Webster. In Latin, the name is pronounced like guy-oose—but this brings us to the difficulty of bringing a name from one language to another: do we call a child named Julius yoo-lee-oose (because that’s the Latin pronunciation) or JOOL-lee-us (because that’s the U.S. English)?

This issue comes up time and time again with name imports: should Catriona be like cat-tree-OWN-ah, or should it be like ca-TREEN-nah? Should Caitlin be like KATE-lin or like cat-LEEN? In general my opinion is that it’s appropriate to translate names from one language to another (either by changing the spelling to get the preferred pronunciation, or by changing the pronunciation to fit the spelling)—and that if the parents choose not to translate the name into their culture’s language, they should be prepared for / resigned to a certain Headache Quotient that comes with, for example, a lifetime of “No, it’s not KATE-lyn, it’s more like kath-LEEN. No, but it’s spelled like Caitlin, yes, we realize. No, no, not spelled Kathleen. No, this is actually the authentic pronunciation.”

Latin has its own additional complication: it’s a dead language, and the speakers of it died off before they could tell us how to pronounce it. Which means you lack the resources you’d have if you used, say, Caitlin, where you could tell people who gave you a hard time to go ask ALL OF IRELAND if they have a problem with your pronunciation. It’s especially tricky if you’re pronouncing the first half of the name with the Latin pronunciation (sounding like the word “guy”), but the second half of the name with the United States English pronunciation (-us as in bus, as opposed to in Latin where it would sound like the -oose in loose or moose).

Yes, I would switch to Caius. People will still say it KAY-us until you feel like tearing your hair out (Caiden, Cain, caiman, Michael Caine, Caitlin, Novocaine, Medicaid), but at least the mispronunciation doesn’t lead to a teasing issue. And perhaps we can think of an easy “No, it’s KI as in ____” example for you to use; if anyone can think of familiar words where “cai” is pronounced KI in English, please leave them in the comments section. (Spelling it Kaius would also help somewhat, because of the boy’s name Kai—although names like Kaiden would still lead people to mispronunciations, and your reference to authenticity makes me suspect you won’t want to change to a K.)

Another possibility is going back to the drawing board. I realize it’s late in the game for that, but your exasperation with mispronunciation is a bad sign: whichever spelling you use, you’ll have to accept a lot of it. Sometimes it’s worth a last-minute upheaval to avoid a name that will cause you continual frustration.

Or it might be enough just to be braced that the exasperation is a part of this name choice: Paul and I chose a non-typical spelling for one of our children’s names, and I think it helped tremendously that we thought to ourselves beforehand “If we use this name, we’re accepting a lifetime of spelling it Every.Single.Time.—and people will STILL get it wrong.” We thought it over, and we decided we wanted to use the name more than we minded the potential frustration. So now when it happens, we shrug: the name was worth it to us, and we understood ahead of time that it was a natural mistake for people to make.

Let’s have two polls. [Polls closed; see results below.] First: How would you think Gaius was pronounced, if you’d just seen it somewhere and hadn’t first read this post? Second: Which name should the Nights use? Gaius, their long-time favorite which goes better with the middle name and last name? or Caius, to avoid the gay-a** teasing issue? NOTE: This is not a question about which of the two names you prefer: it’s a question about whether the tease-factor of Gaius is enough to be worth giving up the favorite name for an alternative.

Name update! Kathryn writes:

Thank you for responding to my email! And thank you to all your readers for all the input. The opinions and polls were eye-opening.

Our son was born two weeks ago. We named him Dashiell Christopher “Night,” and call him Dash.

I have to confess that despite popular opinion, my husband and I were ready to stick to our guns on Gaius. But at the eleventh hour, a dark horse emerged–Dashiell. It was a name that never made it onto our short list because, ironically, we thought it was too obscure (yes, we thought everybody had heard of Gaius Julius Caesar, but that few had heard of Dashiell Hammett) and maybe too literary. You see, we are a family of writers, my mother-in-law and I write children’s fiction, my sister-in-law is a journalist, and my husband, while not a professional writer, was an English major and has also been published. Naming a kid Dashiell seemed like we’d be putting too much pressure on him. But the more we considered it, the more we liked it. In the end, I had a shockingly fast labor and delivery. And when they handed me my son, Dash just seemed to fit him perfectly. So I guess you can say we went with your “go back to the drawing board” advice. Thanks again!

Lilly writes:

I am 39.5 weeks pregnant with my second child, first boy. I have a very specific question that I hope you and your fabulous readers can help me with. Our 2-year-old daughter is named Violet Clare. We call her Violet (I pronounce it closer to 3 syllables and my husband says it with 2) or Vi. Before we found out she was a girl, we had decided to name her Philo. We both still like the name and may use it with this boy, but I can’t help but stay up at night worrying that the names sound too much alike. Vi-let. Fi-lo. Too much internal rhyme? Will this cause confusion in our house for the rest of our lives?? Am I just overthinking things?

Please help a crazy pregnant woman.

 
Philo is such an unfamiliar name for me, I found the unfamiliarity was interfering with my ability to figure out what I thought about the repeating sounds. So I substituted the name Milo. And when I say “Violet and Milo,” to ME the repeating sound is appealing: they’d make good twin names, because it’s a NOTICEABLE thing that ties them together, but doesn’t strike me as being too matchy.

But the name Philo has one more sound in common with Violet than Milo does: the Ph sound which is so similar to the V sound. Do you think you will nickname him Phi? Vi and Phi does seem like too much: like having an Edie and an Evie, as a commenter mentioned in another post. And yet—that might end up being fun, and you might end up LIKING that.

So. Er, I’m not sure that was…helpful, per se. Let’s see what the commenters think of the situation.

Name update! Lilly writes:

I was in labor on June 7th when I found out you had posted my question, which thrilled me to no end. My husband read all the responses to me while I was nursing/falling in love with our adorable new baby boy. The responses seemed to us to be pretty evenly split between “yes, do it” and “no, it’s too close” – which you wouldn’t think would be helpful at all, but it really was. Mostly it reinforced to us that the most important thing was what WE thought, because of course everyone will have different opinions on it. And so I was more convinced we shouldn’t name him Philo, and my husband was more convinced we should!

After a day of discussion and trying a few names out on the baby, I didn’t want to go to sleep another night with our baby not having a name. So we looked at each other and I said, “let’s just name him Calvin instead.” And my husband said “Ok. But I’m not ruling out Philo for any future boys.” So Calvin Von (9 lbs, 3 oz) (middle name for my husband’s recently-passed grandfather) was officially welcomed to our family! A big thank you to your and your readers for your help.

Rebecca writes:

My name is Rebecca and my husband and I are expecting our third daughter on the 23rd of June! Our girl’s names are Hadley Kate and Mia Brynn (both middles names are family names), we love both of them so much, and we want to love this babies name just as much. Oh and our last name is Campbell.

We have a long list of names, but I’m not sure that any of them are ‘the name’, probably because I love them all and can’t make a decision. I was hoping that you could either make some suggestions based on our favourites OR maybe you could try convincing us what names work the best!

The names we like are kind of all over the place, some are very feminine, some are unique, some are unisex etc. I think that is our problem!

Anyway here is our list (in no particular order). Her middle name will be Reese – unless it doesn’t flow, then her middle name will be Scarlett.

Scarlett Reese – *Probably* our favourite, both names are family names, I love it but I’m not 100% convinced.

Elise Scarlett – Doesn’t flow very well, but we love Elise.

Sage Scarlett/Reese – Either middle is okay, but I’m not loving the flow of them.

Lane Scarlett – Love Lane/Laney, but not sure it goes well with Hadley and Mia?

Jillian Reese – This is MY favourite, but can’t seem to convince the hubby. Another problem is that I want her to be ‘Jillian’ and not ‘Jill’ or ‘Jilly’.

Reese Scarlett – Also love this one, but not 100% convinced as we know a boy named Rhys.

Eden Reese – I’m not religious, but my hubby’s parents are. They have implied that they don’t like Eden at all.

Jetta Reese – My hubby LOVES Jetta, I like it too, but is it too uncommon when we have a Mia?

Elodie Reese – I think that Hadley and Elodie are too similar sounding…in a way?

Rowan Scarlett – I love Rowan, but is it too masculine?

Savannah Reese – We both like, but don’t really love.

Tatum Reese – Same as above! Also have a bit of trouble saying it with our last name.

Peyton Scarlett – I like it with Scarlett to make it more feminine…is Peyton too masculine?

Wren Scarlett – Too uncommon maybe? Too similar to Brynn (Mia’s middle name)?

Juliette Reese, with the nickname Jette

So we have an overload of names! Thanks heaps :-)

 
I think the main issue is that SOME of the names go well with the sparky and slightly boyish surname-name Hadley, and SOME of the names go well with the sweet and light and totally girlish name Mia—but it’s hard to find a name that goes with BOTH.

Peyton, for example, goes wonderfully with Hadley (I’d be hard-pressed to think of a more perfect sister pair), but I feel like then Mia’s name stands out as being too different. And Elise goes wonderfully with Mia, but I feel like then Hadley’s name stands out as being too different.

So my first choice from your list is Scarlett. It’s got sass and spirit, but it’s also got hoop skirts. It’s purely feminine, but with enough backbone to balance Hadley. It adds a completely different sound to the grouping, which helps keep things from feeling like “two of one, one of another.” And then all three girls have a 2-syllable first name and a 1-syllable middle name; that’s not important, but I admit it pleases me when that works out. Hadley Kate, Mia Brynn, and Scarlett Reese.

My second choice from your list is Laney. The name Lane is used more often for boys, which tips the name toward the Hadley end of things—but adding the Y makes it purely feminine and tips it toward Mia too. (I was thinking Delaney might work too, but then Hadley and Delaney would both have surname names and Mia would be left out.)

And my third choice from your list is Wren. Wren isn’t like Hadley and isn’t like Mia, so it gives each girl her own distinctly-styled name. The fact that they are all so different from each other ends up tying them together: the uniting theme ends up being the parents’ tastes. I’ve found this same thing happening with wall art (if I may make a slightly ODD comparison): if I just keep buying what I like without worrying about things going together, it turns out everything DOES go together.

A name that strikes me as hitting that same “three different styles” mark is Piper. Hadley, Mia, and Piper: all very different, so there’s no “2 against 1” problem. And Piper Scarlett is so great I can’t stand it.

[New: poll at right!] [Poll closed; see results below.]

Name update! Rebecca writes:

My baby girl was born on the 21st of June (sorry for taking so long to let you know), and is doing great. Hadley and Mia couldn’t be more in love with her!

Anyway, my husband and I read the post over and over again (thanks so much to you all), but we could not agree on a name. I found myself favouring Piper Scarlett, and he favoured Scarlett Reese. We ended up deciding to just wait until she was born to see what she looked like. I figured that after she was born my hubby would just give in and she would be Piper Scarlett, so I wasn’t too stressed out about it all.

As soon as I held her, I knew her name was not Piper. The doctor asked if we had a name for her and I immediately replied “Scarlett Reese”. She suits her name to a T and I (and my husband!) couldn’t be happier!

PS. Later on my husband did admit that he was going to give in and say we could name her Piper Scarlett. How funny?!

Carolyn writes:

Dear Swistle geniuses,

I am due with baby #2 on July 24, 2011 and if it is a girl, it is going to be nameless. It is going to be “Baby B Wiebe” and that is not something I would wish on anyone.

So here’s the scoop. Our surname is Wiebe, rhymes exactly with ‘dweeb’ which delights many many people. My children will grow up with ‘dweeb’ all their life and they will survive it but I certainly want to avoid any first names with equal torturing possibilities. On the flip side, Wiebe is a VERY common surname in Mennonite circles (which we are not but obviously, are related to about 7,845 Wiebes) and it is important to me that my children are not pinned with super common first names. For instance, there are a million Sarah Wiebes, I don’t want to add to the number. So for a first name I want something feminine, unusual but not too out there, and something that will not get mispronounced every day of her life.

Our first child is a girl and we named her Evanie Josephine and I love her name. It was the only girl’s name ever in the running during our pregnancy and I was so happy to be able to use it. We don’t know the gender of Baby B- if it’s a boy we’re naming him Rogan Nathanial and again, it is a name I love and can’t wait to use. So to think of having a second girl and just picking a “yeah I kinda like it” name out of a hat is very sad to me. I want to LOVE it. Maybe that’s too much to ask. The middle name of this girl will be Grace and thankfully, every first name seems to go with Grace.

One complicating factor is that we are in a rather large community of young families and the children are about 90% girls. So every lovely girl’s name has been used. (3 born in the last year went nameless for a week and a 4th had her name changed after 9 months….all of us are struggling!) Names I like that have been used are Jade or Jada, Avelyn, and Maci. Sadly those are off the list. Olivia and Vada are two other (pre-used) names I like but might consider because the families live further away and the girls are 4-10 years older than ours will be.

Our two most considered names are:
Lyla Grace …I lean more towards this one and I know there are other spellings of Lyla but I want to avoid any confusion, hubby gives it a 5 out of 10…
Autumn Grace …my husband likes this one but I’m unsure. Is it weird to name a July baby Autumn?

Lyla seems feminine and fairly unusual and I think goes well with Evanie. I don’t see any terrible nicknames coming from it although my husband wonders if she’ll be “Lyla the Liar.” I’m super on the fence about Autumn, I think it’s pretty but it seems older and more serious. I can imagine a grown woman Autumn but not a baby or toddler Autumn.

Other names that have been ‘chewed on’ are Vienna (which is basically Evanie scrambled), Rylan, and Luci.

So there you have it, top names:
Lyla
Autumn

Possible competitors:
Vada
Olivia
Vienna
Rylan
Luci

Oh, and I love Halle but it gets the big N-O from my husband!:(

I have no problem with you publishing my whole email but seeing as it is about 1000 words, you may not want to!:)

-Carolyn (usually pronounced Caroline) Wiebe (always changed to Dweeb)

and

I’m writing to update on a name that has recently joined the running in our giant name debate for baby Wiebe #2. My husband suggested Marlowe Grace. I think I could really like it but does it work with our first, Evanie Josephine?

and

And it’s me again.
I lay awake at night fretting about names and it doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere. Here’s another name with more questions. Is Eden Grace all sorts of wrong with Evanie Josephine as a big sister? Do I pin myself to the dreadful Duggar Syndrome? We would like more children but have no set number of how many, so if we only have 3 and the third one DOESN’T start with an E…is that terrible? Because there is no way I would stick with the “E’s.” I am most firmly against this! Evanie J. also carries 6 syllables while Eden G. has only 3. And the style of the two names is fairly different from each other. ….I don’t see them working together, I just know I actually like the name Eden Grace and I’m getting desperate.
Also, Vada, Rylan, and Lyla from my first email are out.
I think.
Ohmygoodnessshootmenow.

 
I was happy when your first email came in the same day we did Baby Naming Issue: Month/Zodiac/Season Names, because I thought, “Ooo, we’ll be answering her question at the same time!” It looks like the general consensus was that we as a group DON’T think it’s weird to have the name not match up with the season: some of us prefer it to and some of us prefer it not to, but most of us could go either way on it with names that are already widely used as names: that is, we might feel differently if you were considering the name Spring—but Autumn is already established as A Name (just out of curiosity, I looked it up: 11 new baby girls named Spring in 2010) (3,476 new baby girls named Autumn).

On the subject of repeating initials, I think IN GENERAL people can give the first two children the same initial and not the third, without anyone thinking anything of it. I think the third child tips it: if THREE children have the same initial, you’re committed. (I mean, not REALLY. But the PRESSURE builds to a point where it feels like you’re committed.)

I do think Marlowe would work. It’s more of a rich sound to Evanie’s light sound—but I still think it would work. I wonder if Harper would be somewhere in between? Or Piper? Or Marley, I think, would lighten it. Marlie might be even better.

I think Evanie and Lainey would be pretty together—though they duplicate so many letters (as well as the -nee ending), I wonder if they’d be hard to tell apart. Maybe Delaney instead? That gives you an extra syllable, too. Delaney Grace; Evanie and Delaney.

Evanie and Kiley would be pretty too. Kiley Grace.

Or Keelin: Keelin Grace; Evanie and Keelin.

Ooo, Madigan, maybe? It’s lighter than Marlow, and I love it with Evanie: Evanie and Madigan; Madigan Grace. But if you want to use Rogan in the future, you might not want two -gan endings.

Instead of Olivia, would you like Livia? I’m on the fence with this name because it seems like it might be constantly mistaken for Olivia—but if it isn’t, it’s a way to give you a name similar to Olivia without duplicating a friend’s choice. Livia Grace; Evanie and Livia.

Or for something a little longer, Liviana. Liviana Grace; Evanie and Liviana.

Or to widen the gap in the sounds of the names, Lilianna. Lilianna Grace; Evanie and Lilianna.

Or Iliana. Iliana Grace; Evanie and Iliana.

Or Eriana: Eriana Grace; Evanie and Eriana.

Or a little bit like Rylan: Ryanna. Ryanna Grace; Evanie and Ryanna.

Instead of Vada, would you like Vayla? Vayla Grace; Evanie and Vayla.

Erissa would be pretty: Erissa Grace; Evanie and Erissa. (It could be spelled Arissa to avoid the initial E, but I so prefer it with the E.)

If you like Eden, I wonder if you’d like Haven? Haven Grace; Evanie and Haven. The styles are a little different, but the van/ven sounds help tie them together.

Or Emerin? Emerin Grace; Evanie and Emerin.

Out of left field: Flannery. Flannery Grace; Evanie and Flannery.

Hm. I am finding this one difficult to match. Geniuses, over to you.

Name update! Carolyn writes:

In May I sent you our naming dilemma for baby Wiebe of unknown gender, due July 24.

She arrived July 17 with lightening speed and we named her Marlowe Grace. Though we had finally settled on this name a few weeks before her birth, I still had just a hint of uncertainty. But when we put the name to this tiny little face, it fit and I can’t imagine her by any other.

Thank you for your help.

S. writes:

I’m hoping you can help us out. After thinking we were all set, serious doubt has set in with only 2 weeks to go and we are in need of advice. My husband and I decided not to discuss baby names with friends and family as we want to choose a name we like and everyone has an opinion and we do not feel the need (and I don’t have the energy) to explain/defend names to everyone. But now here’s where we stand:

My husband and I are having our first child, a girl, in mid-June. After going through long lists of names we feel like we have it narrowed down to two.

My last name is begins with an S and rhymes with Parks and my husband’s last name also begins with S and rhymes with Leevens. We would like for baby to take my last name as her middle name and her dad’s last name as her surname. We won’t do this for every child necessarily, but who knows if we’ll have more than 1 (although we’d like 2 or 3) and so we wanted to get my name in there on the first one.

It actually took us about a week of thinking of baby names to figure out that all the cute A names we like are definitely out! The ones we liked the most were Alexandra (Alex) and Ava.

The two first names that we are considering happen to be S names. That will make baby’s initials SSS and that there will be a lot of S sounds in her name, but I think that’s ok for us.

The two first names we like are Scarlett and Sofia. Here’s the case (as we see it) for each:

Sofia is not only my well-loved, legendary great-grandmother’s name but also a derivative of the name of one of my dearest childhood friends, so it has lots of good feelings associated with it for me. My husband very much likes the name too. Although I know Sofia is enormously popular in the US, we live overseas and are unlikely to return to the US anytime soon. Also my name is quite popular (it was in the top 15 on the social security names list for 20 years – five years before to fifteen years after my birth) among my age group and it hasn’t bothered me all that much.

It is quite possible we’d end up living in Europe at some point in the next decade and it would be nice to have a name that works well in most European languages – which Sofia does. Also Sofia would be easy to say in the SE Asian language of the country where we are currently living – although we do not plan on living here permanently so I do not want this to be the defining factor. This name feels ‘safe’ to me as we have a solid family connection to it and it’s easy to form cute nicknames and it seems to work in other languages.

Scarlett is more daring for us. We both very much like the name and have strong positive feelings towards the name Scarlett – mine for the heroine in Gone with the Wind, my husband because a family that he is very close with has a Scarlett. The name feels bold and a bit different but still familiar. Also my favorite tree is currently in bloom and will be when baby’s born and the flowers are a deep red color.

Negatives for Scarlett include not finding a nn that we like: Lettie, Letta, Carly, Scout, Scar, Scarly, Scarletta, Scassy, Sassy, Star don’t appeal to us. Also it would be really hard to say in the local language, again this wouldn’t be the defining factor in choosing or not choosing the name, but it does mean that a nn would need to be used and it would not be able to have the ‘sc’ letter combination which is unpronounceable here.

If we were in an English speaking country or somewhere that the full name could be pronounced (most of Europe) then I would just use her full name and it would be fine not to have a nickname. Unless the nn from here somehow stuck!

Other short-listed names that we considered were Madeleine, Eve, Catherine, and Lucy. We just kept coming back to Sofia and Scarlett.

If you think the triple S combo (with Ss on the end of the last two names to boot) is just too much, please feel free to suggest other names.

Thanks!

 
For first-time parents, unless they have specified that they’re planning only one child, I have the same advice every time: make your job HARDER now, in order to make it EASIER later.

That is, even though right now it feels so hard to choose even ONE name, this is the time to think ahead to future names as well. If you choose Sofia now, what does that mean for your future children’s names? What if you choose Scarlett? The two names are of very different styles, and it would be helpful to try to figure out which style is more yours.

Also, using a triple initial such as SSS is such a distinctive and noticeable move, will it make you feel locked into doing the same for each subsequent child?

A note on popularity: the spellings Sofia and Sophia combined are given to almost exactly the same percentage of baby girls as were given your first name the year you were born—even though together they rank much higher than your name did. But the name Scarlett is racing to catch up:

(screenshot from SSA.gov)

Look at that! Not even in the Top 1000 until 1992, and since then it’s gone almost to the Top 100! Look particularly at what it’s done since 2003: from 1992 through 2003 it dawdled around in the Very Uncommon ranks and was still a pretty startling choice—but in 2004 it started leaping. I’d expect it to be in the Top 100 when the 2011 rankings come out—though I don’t expect it to go quite as high as Sofia/Sophia.

BUT, all this is just chatting, because in reading your email several times, I think the name you prefer is Sofia. You love the name Scarlett, too, and I think you find it a more exciting choice than the name Sofia—but if I look over your pros and cons for each name, Sofia clearly wins: more pros, fewer cons. Your connections to the name Sofia are strong and meaningful and timeless (a dearly loved grandmother; a dearly loved friend); connections to the name Scarlett are weaker and less meaningful (another family’s child; a character in a book; the color of a plant). Sofia works as an all-over-the-world name; Scarlett doesn’t. You don’t like any of the nicknames for Scarlett, yet would need to have one. The other names on your shortlist (Lucy, Madeline, Eve, Catherine) are mostly of the style of Sofia, not the style of Scarlett.

Thinking ahead to future children, perhaps this daughter could be Sofia _parks _eevens, and the next, if there is a next, something like Lucy Scarlett _eevens: you could still use the name Scarlett, but in the middle name slot where it beautifully parallels a sassy name like _parks, but also where its daringness won’t make it difficult to find sibling names that don’t clash with it.

If it weren’t getting over-the-top, I would suggest using your surname as a second middle name for all the children (which I can say from experience is less hassle than I’d thought), so that you can use BOTH names for this baby: Sofia Scarlett _parks _eevens. This lets you give each child your surname too, but without giving up the fun of choosing a middle name. But the SSSS! Well, I do still think it’s a viable option: having four S’s in a row is indeed a lot of S’s—but when we’re starting at three S’s already, it’s not as big a leap.

But: now that you have read my opinion, how do you feel? Do you think “Whew, yes, Sofia it is!”—or are you thinking, “Oh! Noooooooo! I WANT TO USE SCARLETT!!” This can be a very important decision-making tool: seeing how you feel when the decision seems to be going one way or the other. Using EITHER name will mean giving up the other, so there will be a feeling of loss and regret either way—but in one direction there may be a stronger, more desperate feeling. (For more on this, see also Baby Naming Issue: How to Decide Between Two Finalists.)

I wonder if it would be helpful or unhelpful to have a Sofia/Scarlett poll, over to the right, for doing some of the exercises in that post on deciding between two finalists? Yes, let’s do that. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Name update! S. writes:

Thanks so very much for your suggestions and everyone’s comments. They really helped us a lot. We had so much fun announcing baby SSS’s name to our family – Sofia! She was born healthy and happy in June.

Thanks again!

[I posted both the longer version and the shorter version of this question because (1) I think the longer version includes some important considerations and (2) I love the long version so much. But if you want to scroll down until you see “and” at the left side of the column, you’ll still have enough info to vote.]

Sara writes:

Ok, I totally left this until too late and then I see your post about being overwhelmed with letters and I’m terrified you won’t answer mine. I’ve actually written this letter four times, once before we knew the sex, once after, and again after I got a copy of The Baby Name Wizard. And now I’m scrapping all of those and starting over because they keep getting ridiculously long. Our last name is long and Italian and kind of sounds like Provolone (the cheese) but starts with an M.

Older daughter is Juliette Elizabeth. Juliette came out of nowhere with about 15 weeks to go last time. We love that it is familiar and yet uncommon (so far). Elizabeth is after my husband’s mother, who passed away when he was a teenager, but it is also my middle name after an aunt and my grandmother. She gets also gets called Julie, Jules, Jemma (her initials) and Etta by various family members. None of that bothers us. Also, I love her name, but you know how some people write in updates and say that the name they picked it “totally my baby”? I don’t feel that way. I don’t have any name regret, but I could easily picture Jules being a Piper or Paisley or Lucy or whatever. (I also never found THE wedding dress, but liked my dress just fine, so perhaps I am not the sort of person finds THE name/dress/perfect piece of art for the wall?)

Husband is not a classic veto-er (yay!) and will suggest names. He is kind of stuck on Cecelia right now though and the thought of having a Simon & Garfunkel song stuck in my head for the next 40 or 50 years is making me want to shoot something. Also, he doesn’t think the kids names need to “match” or sound good together at all. He says they are all individual people and it doesn’t matter in the long run. I am more of the view that these children are our lives’ work and I want their names to coordinate.

A few notes before I get into a list. I really want to honor my mom with this little girl’s middle name. Mom’s name is Rosalie and she has no middle name, which doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle room. People have suggested using just Rose, but mom doesn’t go by Rose so it doesn’t seem very honorific. Her mom’s name was Giustina and I *think* that if we used that instead my mom would get that we were honoring her that way, but also she has six older sisters and one of their names is Giustina (although she goes by Judy). I happen to be close to that aunt and I am close to my Aunt Elizabeth that Juliette (inadvertently) has the name of, so I don’t want to unintentionally offend or leave out my mom. Plus we are very close and I can’t imagine honoring someone “over” her. My other aunts (both sides) are Josephine, Anna, Micheline, Antonette, Nancy, Claire, Mona and Janet. Husband’s grandmothers are Mahala and Victoria. My husband isn’t crazy about Rosalie or Giustina, but he is fine with using either. Second note, this is kind of random. I’m pretty sure we aren’t done yet, and if we have a third girl her name would probably be Molly Victoria or Molly Vita. Molly was our pick for the “what-would-we-name-kids” game before we were married. If the third is a girl I think it would be sweet if she had my husband’s initials because we will probably be done. This second one would be Molly, but Molly Rosalie doesn’t sound good (too much LEE sound) and we always imagined Molly as our youngest. Our boy name for both pregnancies has been Noah James. Could change, but so far we still love it.

Off-limit names because of nieces/friends/dibs/my darn sMIL keeps using human names on her pets are: Hannah, Bailey, Nora, Riley, Caroline, Madison, Savannah, Fiona, Madeleine, Zoe, Genevieve, Lily, Bella, Olivia, Gretchen.

So I guess my question is what in the heck do you pair with Juliette? This is something we didn’t consider when we named her (and darn it, I found you like a month later, or I would have known better!). Or better yet, how do I bridge Juliette with Molly or Noah? All the usual caveats, not too popular (Juliette was 450 when we picked it), although we know Molly and Noah are significantly more popular, no random spellings, husband wants nickname(s). When we think of Juliette, we seem to drift towards the Why Not?, then Timeless list of the BNW instead of the Shakespeare list. Plus Rosalie is already close to Rosaline, Romeo’s first love, so since we are not actually Shakespeare freaks I don’t want to get too far into that territory. I should also tell you that I have the 2005 version of BNW because I am too cheap to buy a new one and my library’s copy is apparently outdated. We have eliminated almost every name on our “list,” for various reasons, but I’ll put some here, just in case:

Names that have caught our eye(s?):

Gabrielle (Gabriella depending on middle name?). For a long time I thought this was the name just because of the way it feels with Juliette’s name. I like the name, but don’t love it and my husband doesn’t like the Guh sound at the beginning. I don’t like chopping the “Ga” off and going with Brielle – reminds me of Rielle Hunter and because of that feels trashy to me. It seems to be in the 30s which is significantly more popular than Juliette. We are ok with Brie or Elle/a as nicknames, but aren’t crazy about Gabby. My problem here is I like the name, but it doesn’t pass your “it feels like MY baby” test. It’s like I want my favorite niece to be named Gabrielle.

Penelope – another front runner for a while, also doesn’t pass the MY baby test (I want my best friend to name her baby Penelope :). Cannot stand Penny as a nickname. Husband puts this on the list then takes it off again…would be a little out there for our families. But I can’t get Penelope Jane out of my head for some reason (Jane?!? Where the heck did that come from?).

Beatrice/Beatrix and Camilla – I kind of think these go with daughter’s name, but husband hasn’t come around to this one yet, and doesn’t like Bea or Trix/ie or Milly/Milla. Also, don’t like BM initials. Plus my British grandmother would kill me if I named the baby after Prince Charles’s paramour.

Annabel/Mirabel – I thought one of these was it for awhile, but hubby thinks they sound like cows.

Mira/Mia – This was our “decoy” name with Juliet and we got a lot of negative feedback on it. I, however, am a fan of the double initial. Which leads me to Madeleine – super popular and dibbed on by one of our friends, but again I think if we had a “but this is the ONE” conversation she would be ok with it (no kids on the horizon for her). But then we might have two babies with M initials. I think I’m ok with that, but haven’t really thought it out.

Aurelia – husband’s childhood friend’s name who committed suicide, this one is a no-no.

I’m not a fan of Luciana/Lucia or Madalena/Magdalena that often get suggested. I have Carina, Francesca, Mariela, Valentina on my list pulled from some of your previous posts and comments on Italian-ish names, but none of them really jump at me.

Husband put Daphne, Willow and Marion on the list last week. Don’t like any of those. Also, he loves just plain Mary. I know you’ve said it’s fresh on the little girls you’ve heard it on, but I’m not there yet. He wouldn’t consider any name like Mariela with a nn of Mary to be the same thing. My little secret plain name is Annie. He doesn’t like it either.

My mom likes Adrianna and my dad is pushing for Jacqueline (he thinks Julie and Jackie would be cute), but neither of them get a say :).

Great jeebus that was still long. Sorry, I guess I felt I had to tell you every thought in my crazy pregnant brain. I know, I am imposing too many rules, so please help me distill all this. Any thoughts from you and your readers on these names or please, tell me you’ve thought of the perfect name I haven’t found yet! Our due date is coming up way fast and we are going around in circles! Thank you!

and

I wrote you a ridiculously too long email a few weeks ago right when you started posting the “too many emails” messages (Baby Girl “Provolone”. I am delivering on Monday, but we’ve narrowed down our choices to three, so I thought I would send this just in case you could throw it up over the weekend for your readers to work on or do a quick poll.

Big sister is Juliette Elizabeth. Juliette because we like it (and now really, really love it), Elizabeth after my husband’s late mother. Goes by Juliette, Jules or Julie.
Four syllable Italian last name that starts with M. Possibly one or two more kids on the table.
Our choices as of now:

* Gabrielle Rosalia – Gabrielle because we think it sounds good with Juliette, Rosalia after my mom. We are just ok with Gabby nickname, like Brie or Ella. Do not like GRM initials, but could deal with it.

* Penelope Jane – Love Penelope, all of our friends our age love Penelope, everyone in our parents generation hates it. Jane because it sounds so darn cute with Penelope, but really having hard time with non-family middle name. HATE HATE HATE nickname Penny. If nicknamed would probably call her Poppy or Nella or PJ.

* Molly Victoria – Both have loved the name Molly since our dating years. If third is girl will definitely go with this. MVM would give her dad’s initials, which I like in case she is our last, Victoria is his maternal grandmother’s name. I know some people hate the double initial, but we love it. Why haven’t we used it yet? Molly always “felt” like our youngest, plus wanted to honor our mom’s with middle names – Molly Elizabeth seemed boring, Molly Rosalie is too rhyme-y.

Any help at all would be appreciated, I am a ball of anxiety and nerves getting through the holiday weekend until we are scheduled. Thanks!

Let’s have a poll, over to the right! I’m voting for Penelope because (1) it sounds like you love it best (and that it’s not time yet to use Molly), and (2) because I think in about five minutes all your previous generation relatives will not be able to believe they didn’t like it, and in fact will be correcting your memory that they didn’t. The previous generation CLASSICALLY doesn’t like the current generation’s baby name choices (see also: Henry, Oliver), but they always come around—or else they use it to bond with their like-minded friends.

It is too bad we can’t get Rose from your mom’s name, because wouldn’t Penelope Rose be THE SWEETEST?? I do like Penelope Giustina. And Penelope Rosalie has a little rhyminess, but it sounds like it’s more important to you to honor your mother and to be sure you have a chance to do it; I think if I were you I would go with that. The more I say it, the more I think I LIKE the rhyminess. It’s fun to say: Penelope Rosalie. And it LOOKS pretty, with the matching Os and Es and Ls. And I know this is a minor point, but I like the way the length of Penelope Rosalie goes with the length of Juliette Elizabeth.

Okay, I’m going to make the poll first names only so we can still discuss the middle name. [Poll closed; see results below.] I vote for Penelope Rosalie, because I have totally talked myself into it while writing the previous paragraph and now I love it and want to PUSH you to use it. Penelope Jane is ADORBS but I think of Jane as the natural middle name for Penelope (it has a coordinating English sass/charm)—i.e., I suspect quite a few girls named Penelope will have that as their middle name. (See? Now I am inventing facts to talk you into it. I will stop this now.) (PENELOPE ROSALIE.)

Name update! Sara writes:

Ok, you just posted a billion name updates and I get eaten up with guilt everytime I see one. I have at least four drafts of this email in my Drafts folder, wanting to tell you every little thought about our daughter’s name. So I am hurling this off of my list of things to do and will try not to regret the things I forget to tell you. Congratulations, you moved ahead of “complete any sort of baby book” :). Anyway, flip your calendar waaaaaaaaaaay back to this time of year two years ago. We did indeed name our baby Penelope Rosalie. Honestly, I didn’t even think of this as a viable combo until you and your readers supported it. Definitely a Swistle-named baby success! I’ll try not to waste ink on the billion thoughts I wanted to share with your readers and instead put it in short list form. 1. So glad we didn’t go with Gabrielle. Totally not her name. 2. Still not sure if the name Penelope is perfect, but we do love it (and of course we love her!). 3. We’ve tried dozens of different options, but no nicknames have stuck (I do call her Pen or Pips in print though for typing purposes). Her sister has moved through E-O-P to Nellopie to Penny to Pen to Penelope over the course of two years. EVERYONE insists on trying to nickname her and everyone always circles back to Penelope. 4. I was so disappointed that my mother found out Pen’s middle name after overhearing us tell the hearing test person at the hospital. She was so touched, but the moment was a bit anticlimactic. 5. I’m glad we used my mom’s actual name, but we do call her Penelope Rose a lot. 6. There are some in our families that don’t like it, one even persists in “accidentally” calling her Pinocchio sometimes (grrrr) and my grandma has asked permission to call her Penny. I don’t really care about any of that. 7. So, so, so mad at Kourtney Kardashian. But at least we have Tina Fey. 8. We get a lot of positive responses from Random People in public about her name. As a small apology for my extreme tardiness I included not one, but two crappy cell phone pics (hey, she is a second child. At least pictures are being taken somehow). One is of her at a few weeks and the other is Penelope as toddler. She is definitely feisty and in charge at our house. Hmm, you got a novel anyway. Just can’t help myself. So thank you and your readers for your assistance and all of the enjoyable reading!

Maggie writes:

We are Maggie and Alonzo Lestrade and are expecting our third and final child, a boy, on June 1. We have two children, a boy, John “Jack” Colton, and a girl, Rachel Aurelia. The first name will be a family name and the middle name will just be one we both like. The family name is the first name because although I share my middle name with my grandmother, I have never felt any particular connection to the name, or to her so if we name our children after relatives, I definitely want them to feel a strong connection to that relative and feel that putting the family name as their first name will ensure that. Because I lobbied so hard for that, I gave up naming rights for our first two children. We have the name Harlow Wyatt or Harlow Ethan picked out. Harlow is my maiden name and as I will be the only one of my siblings to have children, I definitely want to pass it on. We have had this name picked out for a child since we got married and we like it very much. However, recently a friend confessed to me that seeing Harlow reminds her of the word harlot. No one has ever said that to me before and I did carry the name around for I was horrified. I’m in a complete panic about whether or not to keep the name. Alonzo insists it’s fine and I admit, I did have to Google “harlot” to find out what it means. Are we crazy to still be considering naming our child Harlow if it reminds people of harlot? No one else I’ve asked has seen that connection. I’d like to know if most people are reminded of harlot when they see/hear Harlow. My husband and I have looked into using a similar name but have rejected Harley, Harper, Marlow, and Arlo. We don’t like any of those names and I don’t feel an emotional connection to any of them. If we don’t pick Harlow, I don’t know what else to do. There aren’t any male relatives in my family whom I’m interested in naming a child after.

Several elements of this question are making it difficult to answer:

(1) If this is a name you have both liked, and have had picked out for a child since you got married, and you in particular had a strong motivation to definitely use it, how did it get to the third and final child before being used?

(2) In what way did your adamant stance on the first name being a family name lead to you losing all say in your first two children’s names? And were your first two children given family names as their first names?

(3) How does the concept of “feeling a strong connection to a relative” apply when the name being used isn’t the name of one single relative but of an entire branch of a family tree?

Harlow does not make me think of the word harlot. I don’t even think of it now that it’s been pointed out. Let’s have a poll over to the right, to get an approximate feeling for what percentage of the population your friend represents. [Poll closed; see results below.]

The main issue with the name Harlow, for me, is that it is used primarily as a girl name: in 2010, according to the Social Security Administration, 349 new baby girls were named Harlow (and another 26 named Harlowe), but only 21 baby boys. It’s too soon to call it (it’s rising for both girls and boys), but my own prediction is that the name is going to the girls.

Another issue to consider is that I don’t think it DOES guarantee a strong family connection to use the name as a first name: some people feel strongly connected to their namesakes and some don’t. If you felt no particular connection to your grandmother, do you think that relationship would have been dramatically changed if her name had been your first name instead of your middle?

I suggest using your maiden name as his middle name: it will not matter so much if the name ends up being a “girl name,” and I don’t think having it in the first name slot will automatically create strong relationships with everyone on that side of the family. I suggest naming him Ethan Harlow or Wyatt Harlow: both names go well with Jack, though I think Ethan is better with Rachel.

But if you DO use it as his first name, I suspect it will NOT make most people think of harlots, and also he can say “It’s my mother’s maiden name,” which I’ve found is the sort of explanation that makes people back WAY UP on any objections they might otherwise have about a name.

Poll results for “Does the name Harlow make you think of the word Harlot?” (417 votes total):

Yes: 16%
No: 71%
It DIDN’T, but from now on it will: 13%

Name update! Maggie writes:

Our son Ethan Harlow Lestrade was born on May 30. Eventually we decided that no matter how masculine the name sounds to us, we don’t want him being mistaken for a girl his entire life. Thanks so much to Swistle and everyone else who commented!

A. writes:

My husband and I have been talking about baby names the entire pregnancy and have only been able to narrow down to a few for each gender. I’m just so unsure! People say we will just know when the baby is born what the name should be, but I think all babies look alike–smooshed and wrinkly. :)

I like fairly uncommon names. Our last name is Lin; therefore, I think the first name needs to be more than one syllable to avoid sounding like the first and last name run together to make one name. (If it can’t be shortened to a one-syallable nickname–even better!) I also don’t like the first name to end in -on, -en, -in, or -yn. The -in -in sound with our last name bothers me. What do you think?

We’ve narrowed it to:

Boys:

Dexter (I worry about the television show; we don’t watch it, but I think it’s popular? Also, the Dex commercials. “Dex knows best!” I don’t want people to think of a phone book when they think of our child.)

Paxton (My husband’s pick. I don’t like the -on sound though. Also, I think Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s child is Pax. Especially because our child will be half-Asian, I don’t want to seem as if we’re trying to be like celebrities.)

Beckett (I like it, but am worried about its increasing popularity.)

Girls:

Eisley (I like this name a lot, but worry people will mispronounce it a lot. Eyes-ly.)

Gemma (Will people confuse with Jenna? I kind of dislike the name Jenna!)

Ruby (I love this, but my husband thinks its an old lady name.)

Favorites from these? The middle boy name will either be Harrison or Jeffry (depending on the first name). And, the girl middle name will be Lorraine after my mother and grandmother.

Any other suggestions for names? I don’t think we feel so confident about any of these names that we still wouldn’t choose a different name at this point!

Thank you so much!

Name update! A. writes:

Gemma Lorraine Lin arrived on 5/29 after 31 hours of labor. My husband and I were convinced she was a he right up until she was born. Right before I was ready to push we were trying to decide what to name our boy. After seeing me labor naturally for 21 of the hours, my husband wanted me to name him. Well, we didn;t need to choose! She surprised both of us! We were pretty set on Gemma and everyone’s comments here solidified our choice for us. Thank you!