Katie writes:

We are expecting our third child in December, possibly our last and can’t decide on a name. We’d like to have it narrowed down before she makes her arrival so she no longer will be Baby No name, but it has been so hard finding or deciding on a name that we “love”. It was stressful not deciding with our 2nd until he was born and in the end it felt rushed.

With our first we agreed on Georgia Kate(mn from my side) early on and it has been THE perfect name for her. Nn: Gigi and George, we absolutely love her name.

Our 2nd was a surprise so the girl name would have most likely been Esme and while that’s still on the list it’s not quite at the top anymore. We chose Nathan (Nate) and Scott for his middle name, my husbands name. Looking back I probably might have considered using one of our other less common boy names from our list since I love names so much, but I am really happy with his name.

We are not set on using a family name for mn spot on #3.

To get our naming style a little: We both have more traditional common names (Scott and Katie) so I think we always thought we’d like a little more unique yet not too unusual names for our children. Not too popular. I guess we seem to stick with more classic names, but did not on purpose. Also, my husbands job requires that for the next several years and potentially longer we will be moving to different countries (and sometimes back in the US) every couple years so it’s a little tricky to decide or care about trends in a particular state or city, but I do think about that.

After going back and forth, here is the girl list we have agreed on:

Piper – we love but I’m afraid it’s getting too popular or trendy?
Violet/Violette (nn: viola/vi) – again, I’m not sure I’m in love and it seems to be getting too popular?
Esme – not Esmerelda
Crosby – I had first fallen in LOVE. I had thought for a boy, but since its a girl I actually really still liked so I keep jumping back to it. I did get mostly negative feedback from most people(not a girl name and not with our names), but I can’t help it. A little girl Crosby would be so spunky and cute!!!

Also on the longer list: Tessa, Charlotte, Maeve, Molly, Sutton, Jensen and Quinn. Hubby does not love these, but he wasn’t sold on Nathan either and loves now so…

Mainly, we want to love her name and pick something that feels just right. We do not want to have any regrets about wishing we would have really used a fun name instead of something so traditional. Should we care about this? Also, I don’t want to miss out on picking a name I love just because others might not agree. In fact, we got mixed reviews on Georgia and we absolutely have never had any reservation that it wasn’t just right.

Just to reference and know for any future siblings and our style, here are Boy names from our boy list:
Crosby
Bennett
Samuel (hubby likes)
Reid (we have a nephew Reece, do it might be to close, but I’ve loved it)
Wesley (too matchy with our last initial)
Maxwell nn Max (again we have a nephew Mack so too similar)
Graham/grant
Larson/Lawrence nn Lars(hubby liked, I didn’t, but am growing)

For now, I’ve been searching name lists for any other girl names that might jump out at me, but we’d love to hear your thoughts and any suggestions that your readers might have. It would help so much to get a little extra advice. Thanks so much!

In this sibling group, I think Crosby works better for a boy than for a girl. If you’re set on it for a girl, I recommend using it as the middle name.

I wonder if you can put your finger on what it is you like about the name Crosby. Is it the cute “bee” sound at the end? If so, I’d suggest:

Aubrey; Georgia, Nathan, and Aubrey
Beatrix; Georgia, Nathan, and Beatrix
Darby; Georgia, Nathan, and Darby
Ruby; Georgia, Nathan, and Ruby
Shelby; Georgia, Nathan, and Shelby

Or is it the fun Z-sound? If so, I’d suggest:

Azalea; Georgia, Nathan, and Azalea
Eliza; Georgia, Nathan, and Eliza
Eloise; Georgia, Nathan, and Eloise
Esme (already on your list); Georgia, Nathan, and Esme
Hazel; Georgia, Nathan, and Hazel
Isadora; Georgia, Nathan, and Isadora
Louisa; Georgia, Nathan, and Louisa
Louise; Georgia, Nathan, and Louise
Margaret, nicknamed Daisy; Gigi, Nate, and Daisy
Margaret, nicknamed Maisy; Gigi, Nate, and Maisy
Rosalie; Georgia, Nathan, and Rosalie
Susanna; Georgia, Nathan, and Susanna
Zinnia; Georgia, Nathan, and Zinnia

From your list, my favorite sister name for a Georgia is Violet. I think Violet Wickland is a particularly smashing combination. My second favorite from your list is Esme.

The name Piper has the energetic sound you’re looking for, but I think it’s a different type than the name Georgia. One thing I love about the name Georgia is that it works on a very serious person or a very cheeky one; it’s easy to imagine the name Piper working on someone cheeky, but harder to imagine it working on someone serious. I like the way a Georgia can be a Gigi or a George or a Georgie depending on her personality; Piper misses out on those additional options. I’d prefer something like Beatrix, which lets her be Bee or a Bix or a Beatrix; or Louisa, which lets her be Lou or Lulu; or Margaret, which lets her be Daisy or Maisy or Meg or Maggie.

Name update! Katie writes:

Baby girl decided to arrive on her due date. After much deliberation we decided to name her Piper Elizabeth. The name Piper seemed to really fit and balanced nicely with a more feminine classic middle name that we didn’t even realize was in the family. Thanks for all of your help and suggestions. Big sister and brother are smitten:)

Ashley writes:

I am currently pregnant with baby #3.  Due late May 2014.  We have decided to keep the gender a delivery room surprise, and have also decided to keep our name choices a secret.  We have a 3 year old daughter, Gracyn Merr*tt (an i goes there), and a 1 year old son, J@meson Lane (he goes by Lane).  Our last name is Shan!ever.

We decided to use Gracyn just because we liked it.  Though I have since realized that it is a combo of two different grandmother’s names (Grace and Carolyn).  Merr*tt is my husband’s middle name and was also his grandfather’s middle name.

J@meson Lane was named after his grandfather James who passed away, and Lane is my maiden name.

Our real dilemma is the girl name.  I am convinced this baby will be a girl.  My firstborn daughter and I almost share the same late May birthdate, and this baby is due to arrive the same week.   Our problem is there’s just nothing we both love except for Merr*tt.  But, we have decided that using it for a first name seems like we are taking it from our firstborn and giving it to the baby.  Therefore, we have decided to use it as a middle name again.  It will be a family middle name that the girls will share with their daddy.  I still have no idea why we didn’t use it as a first name with our first born, but I guess we were swimming in a sea of names back then :)

My name is Ashley, and I want a name that isn’t too popular.  I grew up being called by my last name, and with a last name like Shan!ever I don’t want that same fate for our kids.  I tend to like unisex names, but I’m not limited to those.

We have picked a boy name -Knox.  It’s rich with meaning for us.  Our only dilemma is the middle name.  Is it weird to use Merr*tt for a boy after using it for our firstborn girl?  If the answer is yes, we have a list of other names waiting.  We just really don’t know the answer to this one.

List of girl names we like ranked in order:
Keighley (Kee-Lee  We both really like it, but I’m just not sure if it’s THE ONE.  I am worried about people mispronouncing it, but simpler spellings like Keeley don’t appeal to my husband)
Harper (if our son would have been a girl this would have been the name we chose, but as an Ashley, I think it’s too popular for me now)
Blakely (another name we really like, but are unsure about)
Isley (great grandmother’s maiden name – pronounced eyes-lee, but our 3 year old pronounces it as Ashley.)
Reese (husband hates it, and it’s gaining popularity)
Berkley (3 year old pronounces it as Broccoli)
Leighton (It’s very popular in our area, and I don’t think I want two different gender kids to share the letter L)

We have always picked our baby names very early on, and so I have found myself worrying about this more and more.  I’m ready to pick a girl name and stop thinking about it so much!

Thanks so much swistle!  I love reading your blog, and I can’t wait to hear your suggestions.

If you use Merr*tt as the middle name for a second daughter, that doesn’t seem strange to me: it seems like a fun tradition for the girls in the family. If you use it as the middle name for a second son, it does seem a little strange to me: suddenly it feels as if your first son is left out of the club. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s at a level of strangeness that means it needs to be ruled out, especially considering how infrequently middle names are used, and because your son has your maiden name as his middle name. If your son weren’t going by his middle name, I might suggest having all the girls use the middle name Merr*tt and all the boys use the middle name Lane.

For a boy, would you want to consider the same pattern as your first son’s name? ______ Knox Shan!ever, called Knox.

When I saw Keighley, I read it as if it were Kiley (rhymes with Riley). I don’t know why, since -eigh is usually pronounced “ee” (Leigh, Ryleigh, Kayleigh) or “ay” (sleigh, weigh, neigh, eight, deign, reign, freight, Leighton). I think it might be a visual confusion with the surname Knightley. In fact, I’m going to go put up a poll right now to get a more accurate survey—I can’t even THINK of another example where “eigh” would be pronounced like long-I [oh, good, Rachel mentioned the word “height”—but I think for me it was the Knightley thing].

I would advise against this spelling, even if it means ruling out the name. I looked through the Social Security database with the search term “eigh,” and here are the times those letters are used for United States baby names:

1. After an L and at the end of the name, to sound like ee (Hayleigh, Marleigh)

2. After a letter at the beginning of a name, to sound like ay (Leighton, Peighton)

3. In ways that make the pronunciation unclear to me even though I know what the parents must have intended (Aubreigh, which makes me think “Aubray—no wait, it must be Aubrey”)

With the name pronounced Keeley, I might expect to see the -eigh on the END, but not in the middle: Keeleigh is clear to me, but Keighley doesn’t feel right. I feel like I can’t remember how to pronounce it OR how to spell it.

Harper doesn’t seem too common to me. There were 7,154 new baby girls named Harper in 2012; I’m comparing that to the 54,831 new baby girls named Ashley in 1987. (I wish I could compare as percentages of the number of babies born in those years, but that feature of the Social Security site hasn’t been working for me. [It’s working again! The name Ashley was given to 2.93% of baby girls in 1987; the name Harper was given to .37% of baby girls in 2012.]) Would you prefer Piper (3,038 new baby girls in 2012) or Juniper (296 new baby girls in 2012)? Or wait—I’m not sure I like the repeated -er with the surname.

Blakely Shan!ever is a bit of a tongue-tangler for me.

Isley appeals to me, but has spelling and pronunciation issues: I had to scroll up twice to get the spelling for this paragraph (though it clicked as soon as I noticed it’s the word isle with a Y), and the word isle and the popularity of Isla (no S-sound) may confuse things. I’m not concerned with the three-year-old’s pronunciation: that’s a temporary situation, and seems like it results in nothing but cute stories and affectionate nicknames.

I notice the first two children share an end-sound; it’s less of an issue since J@meson goes by Lane, but it’s something I’d take into account. For some, “taking it into account” would mean avoiding a third matched ending; for others, it would mean finding a third matched ending.

More possibilities:

Braelyn
Brinley/Brynleigh
Campbell
Devany
Ellery
Ellison
Emery
Evanie
Everly/Everleigh
Finley
Hadley/Hadleigh
Holland
Keelyn
Kinley/Kinleigh
Kinsley (I wouldn’t do Kinsleigh, because of sleigh)
Maelyn
Marley
Merrin (instead of using middle name Merr*tt)
Mirren (instead of using middle name Merr*tt)
Teagan

Name update! Ashley writes:

It’s a girl!

Meet Finley Merr*tt Shan!ever

(My husband and I had our first date at an NC State football game at Carter-Finley stadium.  We loved that we could tie that in with Finley!)

Thanks for the naming help and suggestions!

Amy writes:

I’ve thought I had our baby name situation locked down, twice, and now it’s falling apart… again. I wrote to you a few months ago about our 3rd and probably last baby, and you and your readers helped my husband and I pick a lovely girl name we’re both very happy with from your comments. Shortly after, my husband decided Orion was completely off the table so then we had to start looking for boy names. My husband has a very Scottish middle name, his grandmother’s maiden name, but a name we would never use (Craigie). So we started looking for other Scottish or Gaelic names and found Sullivan nn Sully. I liked it, he agreed, and I thought we were set. But it kept nagging at me. I really do like the name Sully but I don’t love it, it doesn’t have a strong connection for us and I don’t think it flows particularly well with Atticus and Elm. I told my husband I want to open up the discussion of boy names again and he agreed he doesn’t want to use a name I feel so lukewarm about.

So! Now here we are with still plenty of time (the baby is due the first week of February) but no boy name. It doesn’t have to be Scottish by any stretch, the only rules are still that it can’t start with W and you have to be able to pronounce it on sight. Other names we have liked besides Orion and Sullivan but that have been nixed along the way for various reasons are August, Callum, Felix, Finnian, and Phoenix.

Any help you and your readers could give to finally stop this madness would be much appreciated!

Name update! Amy writes:

I wrote to you several times this pregnancy (Baby W, sibling to Atticus & Elm) and you & your readers were so helpful. My husband and I read through your reply & all the comments multiple times. We quickly & easily agreed on Ivy Beck W. as our girl name after several people suggested it in the first post. The boy name was trickier & at different points we had settled on Sullivan nn Sully then Hawthorn nn Hawk when two days before the birth we both decided it just didn’t feel right and went back to our original choice, Orion. I think secretly we were both expecting a girl and thought maybe that’s why we’d had so much uncertainty about a boy name. But surprise! It IS a boy and we’re thrilled. Orion Cash W., 2/10/14, 9 lbs 5 oz! (middle name honors my husband’s best friend). He and his name are both perfect- thank you again for all your help!

Katie writes:

My husband and I are Katie and Kevin and our last name sounds like Wrightmen. We are due with our second boy this March.

We love our son’s name and it fits him perfectly. Bennett Patrick (after my mom, Patricia, who passed away). Bennett we both came to love due to us each having a student with the name. (We are both teachers which can make naming a child hard!) we feel like it is classic and classy and fits well for a baby as well as a grown man.

Of course, we had our perfect girls’ name all set- Annabelle Joy. After the Ann in my/my mom’s middle name. And we loved Bennett and Belle or Bella. Or even Elle or Ella, or Annabelle or Anna.

The boys name we are deciding between are these options:

William Joseph (after both of our fathers)
Joseph William (“Joey” when a baby Joe or Joseph as he grows up)
Charles William (Charles is my dad’s middle name, and was a contender last time but we couldn’t agree on a nickname. I wanted Charles or Chase, my husband wanted Charlie.

Our number one is William Joseph. I like William Charles better, but it seems like a slight to choose not choose my dad’s first name, especially if it’s only the middle name spot and if we are choosing my father in law’s first name as our son’s first name as well. The reason we don’t mind this is because my father in law only goes by Bill, and I don’t think of him as a William. I have always loved the name because Prince William and I were born on the same day. My husband shot it down the first round, but is open this time.

So, the problems are here:

My husband does not want William to have any nickname, not Will or Liam or anything. He only wants William. He does not want his dad’s family to refer to our baby as “little willy” as they called his dad when he was younger. He especially does not want him to be “little bill”. He does not think his dad deserves that honor, but likes the name William.

We both used to not be close with our fathers due to poor choices they made during their marriages. In time and forgiveness, we have grown very close with each of our fathers and they have grown to be wonderful, involved grandpas who love their grandsons and support us. When I brought up the idea of the name, I said even though they didn’t make good choices years ago, we are teaching our sons forgiveness, the importance of valuing family and honoring the people they are now. And it’s easy to say “you are named after both of your grandfathers” which is cool. I love the names and I think it’s perfect.

So- is there a nice way to say, “we are calling him William, no nicknames please?”

The other thing- my husbands mom and sister still has a hard time with resentment towards his dad, even to the point where they resent how close we are now. We know they may be turned off by the name or think it’s weird we chose to name our son after our fathers. Should I even care about that? Suggestions on how to tell them (it will be after the baby is born) Or do we just say the name and they can get over it?

I feel like William and Joseph are both common enough names that it wouldn’t be a big deal? It’s not like this is the only William they will ever encounter.

Aside from the nickname, and my husband worrying about his family’s opinion, we love the names (individually and their meaning). Although at times he thinks his dad doesn’t “deserve” to have a son named after him.

I feel like Bennett and William couldn’t be cuter together, and we have found ourselves hooked on the double letters and feel like that might be our childrens’ “name connection”. We hope to have Bennett, William (?) and Annabelle one day.

Other choices included:

Reed (which I liked because our last name starts with R as well, but didn’t know if it would be strong or weird, my husband thought he may be called “weed whiteman” instead of reed Wrightmen)

Matthew- love! I just have a cousin named Matthew, will likely use for 3rd boy

Noah (the only non-double letter name we both loved, was just used by a cousin for her boy)

Lillianna or Reese for a girl

So
1. Suggestions on spreading the no nickname rule
2. Suggestions on sharing the name with people who may not be happy about it
3. Is William Joseph the right name?

Thanks, swistle! I look forward to hearing your views and the comments from your wise readers! You always have smart, clear kind advice. Thank you in advance!

It sounds to me from your letter as if the name William has too much baggage and too many issues to be a good first-name candidate. I think you might be able to avoid nicknames (though he may very well choose one himself later on)—especially Billy and Bill and Willy, which are hardly used at all by this generation of babies. But it depends almost completely on your particular families and the extent to which they go with what you ask them to do, and there’s no nice way to say, “We named him William, but please don’t use nicknames because it might accidentally honor his grandfather who doesn’t deserve that honor.”

People will very likely assume it’s an honor name, and quite a high honor at that, and so family members who would have a problem with that are likely to have a problem with that. You could go to those family members and say, “It’s just because we liked the name—it’s not after Dad,” but I’m imagining how I’d feel if a baby I loved was given the name of my ex-husband who had behaved very badly and left some very bad memories, and it’s not going over well in my imagination. It’s possible it would redeem the name, but that might be a hard road.

If you were crazy about the name William, if your own father and beloved brother were also named William, if it was the only name you both loved and agreed on—in those sorts of situations, you would hear me saying it probably wouldn’t be too bad. The relatives could probably be soothed. Your father-in-law couldn’t be told the name didn’t honor him (especially since it does, and you’d be actively telling your son it does), but perhaps everyone would understand the explanation about forgiveness/redemption. But it sounds to me that although you really like the name William, it’s just one of a number of good options, and your husband has only recently come around to it. It also sounds like you like the symbolism of using it, but your husband’s actual feelings don’t line up with that symbolism: the relationship may have significantly improved, but your husband is still saying his father doesn’t deserve the honor of a namesake. Overall, it looks to me as if the arguments for NOT using it far outweigh the reasons for using it.

If you would like to use both grandfather’s names, I think William is perfect as the middle name. It reduces the impact of the namesake (and doesn’t force your husband’s mother and sister to use it regularly), and eliminates nickname issues. If you are still not in agreement on a nickname for the name Charles, you could either each use your own nickname and see which one pans out as his own favorite (this works if you are both fine with all the possible outcomes of this), or you could use Joseph. I think it’s fine that it isn’t your dad’s first name, and I even like the balance of it: your dad’s MIDDLE name as the FIRST name, and your husband’s dad’s FIRST name as the MIDDLE name. (If you use your father-in-law’s first name as the first name, though, I agree it would be better to use your father’s first name as the middle name.)

If you do use William as the first name, or if you think your husband’s family will object to it even as a middle name, I would tell them very gently and understandingly (and ideally on their own, without your father-in-law present), and I would emphasize your non-father-in-law reasons for liking the name, including the Prince William connection. I would say to them what you said to us about your father-in-law seeming like “Bill”—totally unconnected to William. I’d tell them that your husband had very mixed feelings about honoring his dad, but that the two of you agreed it symbolized your son’s relationship with his grandfather more than your husband’s relationship with his dad.

It would be a little easier, I think, if your husband’s mother and sister had already been honored: as I’m writing all this out it feels a little wrong to be honoring/forgiving the former bad guy before honoring the ones who were good all along (if they indeed were), and increases my feelings that this name has too much baggage to be worth using.

A fun idea just occurred to me. What if you were to name your son George, making a two-generation connection between you and Prince William?

Name update! Katie writes:

I wrote you about whether or not to name our son after both grandfathers (sounds like Wrightmen).  We ultimately decided that William was out as a first name option due to the overwhelming response, and now we can see, he is very much not a William.  We decided to go with the name Matthew with William as the middle name (and can share the middle name with my husband) for the longest time.  Matthew is a name we both love and it would be a male M name to honor my mother in law, Martha.  At the last minute we decided to add my dad’s name as a second middle name, so we could honor all three living grandparents and not leave anyone out.  Thank you for your wonderful input and help making the right decision.

Matthew William Joseph
March 16, 2014

A. writes:

We are closing in our due date (Thanksgiving!) with our 3rd (and likely last) child, a boy, and are having a very hard time naming him. Our last name sounds like “Fort” but starts with an “Sh”. We already have two children, named Henry Ervin and Isabel Louise. Their middle names honor deceased relatives (because I am Jewish, we won’t honor living relatives through naming).

We generally prefer traditional names, but something like William or John/Jack feels too common. We have considered and rejected Charles/Charlie (I love it, but my husband does not), David (awkward familial association), and Daniel (for some reason, it doesn’t sound “strong” enough to either of us). For a brief time, we considered Jason but have fallen away from it as perhaps too much of our own generation and also perhaps not quite strong enough (in the same vein as Daniel). We would like to use either Daniel or Edward as a middle name, though, as they happen to follow our tradition of honoring deceased relatives with the middle name.

We seem to have happened into a short list of three favorites, none of which affirmatively feels just right at the moment. They are Malcolm, Brendan, and Patrick. Can you help with these (or make other suggestions)? Thank you very much!

I wonder if you’d like Nathaniel? Or perhaps it would have the same issues as Daniel. Henry, Isabel, and Nathaniel.

Because Paul and I had Henry, Charlie, Daniel, and Malcolm on our own name list, I’ll suggest a few more where perhaps our styles overlap:

Calvin
Edmund
Elliot (ends with T like surname)
Everett (ends with T like surname)
Felix (-x may blend uncomfortably with Sh-)
Frederick
Nicholas (-s may blend uncomfortably with Sh-)
Oliver
Simon (starts with S like surname)

Of these, my favorite is Oliver. Henry, Isabel, and Oliver. I also like Calvin and Everett and Elliot and Edmund. Simon would probably be my top choice except that I’m not personally as fond of alliteration; if you do like it, then Henry, Isabel, and Simon is at or near the top of my list.

I lean toward the ones without natural one-syllable nicknames: Ed __ort, Nick __ort, Fred __ort all sound a little abrupt to me. Calvin is an exception, I think because the softer L-ending is less choppy, and also because I know a Calvin who goes just by Calvin. But I think any of them are fine: it’s only a leaning, and so many kids don’t use nicknames now anyway.

I have a strong favorite among your three finalists (Malcolm, Brendan, Patrick): Malcolm. I like Malcolm Edward. Let’s have a poll to see what everyone else likes best:

[yop_poll id=”35″]

Name update! A. writes:

Thank you for posting our naming question for our third child and second son, brother to Henry and Isabel.  You and your readers offered much helpful insight.  Your favorite and the winning poll choice was Malcolm, which I love but about which my husband had some reservations.  My husband discovered the name Callum, which has the same Latin root as Malcolm (meaning = dove) and is occasionally used as a nickname therefor in Scotland.  Callum also shares properties with a name you suggested, Calvin (possible nn Cal), that we hadn’t considered before.  We fell for this name in a way we hadn’t about any other name we’d considered.  Callum Daniel was born 11/21/13, and we are all doing well.  Thank you so much! Happy Holidays!

Allison writes:

I love your blog and was reading it even before being pregnant. I am hoping you will be able to help with our baby naming dilemma.

We have baby boy # 2 arriving in 25 days. My husband and I cannot agree on a name and are starting to panic. My husband has now resorted to throwing out random names that we have never even considered just hoping something sticks.

My name is Allison and my husband’s name is Vincent. Our last name is Donner with a C. We already have a 5 year old son named Brayden. His middle name is a family name and is shared by his father and grandfather. Baby # 2 is a boy and will be our last child.

Before you read any further I will throw out the hardest part of our baby naming conundrum. My husband, myself, and our first son all have seven letters in our first names and I really want this baby to have a seven letter name also. Since we are not having any more children, I think we should be able to accomplish this.

My husband loves the name Patrick. We found out we were pregnant St. Patrick’s weekend and his family has Irish roots so he thinks the name is perfect. Patrick was also on the list when we had our first son. I feel like I rejected the name for our first child so why would I choose it for this child? Also, when we first got pregnant with this child I told several people I “hated” the name Patrick and now feel like I backed myself into a corner. To be honest, I do not “hate” the name Patrick but I do not like the obvious nicknames of Pat and Rick and would be very upset if people called my son by either of those nicknames. I also feel like my husband and his family are really pulling for Patrick and feel a bit pushed into the name.

The middle name won’t be as difficult. Since our first son’s middle name came from my husband’s side of the family this son’s middle name will come from my side of the family. We have several contenders we like and are waiting to choose a first name to see what fits.

Names we have on our list for this baby are:

Patrick (husband’s favorite)
Bennett (my favorite for a long time but husband doesn’t care for it and I am starting to fall out of love with it because I’m afraid people won’t think of it as a first name)
Griffin (husband doesn’t like)
Beckett (husband doesn’t like and I’m Just throwing this one in there so you can see my style)
Everett (husband doesn’t like)
Grayson (used to love but seems like it’s going to the girls)
Jackson (getting a bit too popular for me and we know people who have already used this name though we hardly ever see this family)
Garrett (my husband likes but I prefer Griffin; I don’t understand why he likes Garrett but not Griffin)
Henry (totally different than my style but one of my all time favorite names; this is a family name and is on the list of middle name contenders)

My husband likes fairly traditional names such as Andrew, Zachary, and Ian but these aren’t really my style. However, I could commit to a more traditional name if it had seven letters. It’s really hard for me to describe my baby naming style but I like names that are a little trendy without being strange. When we chose Brayden we did not know any Brayden’s but it was still a name that people recognized and wasn’t weird. The name has now gotten much more popular and my son’s had multiple Brayden’s in his pre-k class and now at kindergarten. I really felt like Bennett fit into my style but my husband has never heard the name used as a first name so he thinks it’s not really a name.

If this baby had been a girl our top contender was Emma Claire. Yes, I know it’s extremely popular but we loved the first/middle name combination and might have chosen it despite its popularity and despite the fact that it didn’t have seven letters.

I read your blog every day and we also purchased a copy of the baby name wizard and are still no closer to choosing a name.

If you have any names we should be considering that we have not thought of we would love yours and your readers suggestions.

Thank you!

It sounds to me as if the name Patrick is out. It also sounds to me as if this needs to be made completely clear to your husband, and then perhaps he could make it clear to his family (without blaming you): he could use a friendly, casual tone and say something like, “Oh—no, Patrick was a name we considered but it isn’t one of our finalists. We’re still looking for the right name.”

If your husband and his family like the St. Patrick’s Day / Irish connection, then I’d start by looking at other Irish names:

Finnian
Garrett (on your list already)
Griffin (on your list already)
Malcolm
Tiernan

Finnian is close to Griffin, but perhaps your husband will like it.

Because Brayden is a more modern name, I think I’d look for similar options: Andrew and Patrick don’t feel like good fits to me, but Grayson and Beckett do.

Bennett certainly seems like a first name to me (it was #202 in 2012, used for 1891 new baby boys that year), even though it’s a surname name. Because your surname is a common boys’ first name, I do think you’re likely to get less confusion if you choose a first name that doesn’t sound surnamey. On the other hand, a certain amount of confusion is likely to happen no matter what. In this case, my hope is that your husband’s only objection to it is that he’s never happened to meet a child with the name, and that looking at the numbers will cure him of that. It seems to me like Bennett fits all of your preferences and also is good with Brayden.

Chopping down the list to remove the names you don’t like and the names your husband doesn’t like, we’re left with:

Grayson
Jackson
Garrett

Garrett seems the least surnamey of those to me, but that would be so subjective: if I knew a family with the surname Garrett instead of a family with the surname Grayson and another with the surname Jackson, I might be choosing completely differently.

Grayson does not seem to me to be going to the girls, especially with that spelling. Here are the 2012 numbers for the spellings used for more than 25 babies that year:

Gracen: 73 F, 64 M
Graceyn: 26 F
Gracin: 34 M
Gracyn: 209 F
Graeson: 48 M
Graycen: 47 F, 28 M
Graysen: 45 F, 205 M
Grayson: 177 F, 4671 M
Greysen: 116 M
Greyson: 40 F, 2216 M

Adding those up, that’s 617 girls and 7382 boys. It’s a somewhat unisex name used much more often for boys.

A bigger issue for me is that Grayson and Brayden sound quite similar. Maybe not too similar to use, but similar enough to make me hesitate to throw support behind Grayson.

Because you like Beckett, Bennett, Garrett, and Everett, I wonder if you would like Elliott or Barrett or Merritt. I wish Emmett had 7 letters: it’s similar to your favorite girl name, plus it has the double-T.

Name update! Allison writes:

Thank you for choosing our baby naming dilemma for your site. We loved hearing your reader’s opinions. When our son was born we did not choose a name until day 3. We even went to your site and read the post, your comments, and your reader’s comments again. My husband finally came around to the name Bennett but after much discussion we agreed to name our son Patrick. Our families love the name and we are enjoying our handsome little guy.

K. writes:

My husband and I are expecting our first baby—a boy!—around Christmas this year. We are having a difficult time agreeing on names. For some reason, it seems like boy names are a whole lot harder than girl names. If this baby had been a girl, we would have named her Tessa Noelle (middle name ties into the holidays). Our last name is Italian, has 3 syllables, and sounds like vin-dig-nee. I love the name Gavin, but that’s out because of the “vin”-sound in our last name.

Some names that I like and have suggested, but my husband is lukewarm about:

-Ezra
-Nicholas
-Elliott
-Weston
-Zachary
-Lucas
-Joshua
-Caleb
-Garrett
-Nolan

He really likes the name Simon, but one of my cousins is named Simon. I think it would be weird because I have a dozen of cousins with whom I’m close, and Simon wouldn’t necessarily be an honor name. I feel funny using the name Simon when I could honor my brother or other cousins first–does that make sense? We’ve tossed around the name Simon Elliott, but I can’t get over the fact that it’s my cousin’s name. Aside from that, I don’t necessarily LOVE the name. My husband has given me the following list, many of which are “presidential” sounding:

-Harrison (but we don’t like Harry as a nickname)
-Truman
-Lincoln
-Benjamin
-Jefferson
-Austin
-Brandon
-Oliver (the “v” sound again makes makes it hard to say)
-Samuel
-William
-Jackson (too popular)
-Carter
-Campbell

I suppose none of these are terrible, but I just don’t love them and don’t know if I want such a weighty name, if that makes sense. Help! Do you have any suggestions?

Thank you!

I don’t think it would be weird to use Simon, if you grew to love it. It isn’t as if you thought, “We really want to honor a man from one of our families. Our dads? No. Grandfathers? No. Brothers? No. How about one of our many, many cousins? PERFECT, let’s list their names and choose one!” Instead, you first liked the name Simon, but coincidentally you have a cousin by that name. The way to present this coincidence is to tell everyone your husband thought of the name and you both loved it—and as a bonus, you had a positive association with the name because it’s also your cousin’s name. This makes it clear to everyone that you didn’t skip over other honorees; it will be even clearer if you have more children and give them non-honoring first names, or if everyone including Simon gets a family middle name.

Silas is similar to Simon from your husband’s list and Lucas from yours.

I’m especially drawn to Nicholas for the Christmas tie-in. I would probably be hoping that would work out as the middle name if it didn’t work as the first name. Christian or Christopher are two more possibilities.

Your lists have so many similar names and sounds, it feels as if there should be a great name you’ll both like. You have Weston; he has Austin. You have Caleb; he has Campbell. You both have a lot of longer names on your list, and it looks like you’re both comfortable in the same approximate popularity range. I’d look at each name on your list and see if you can find names on his list that are similar to it in any way. If what makes them similar is what you both like about those names, then see if there are other names with that same similarity.

For example, you’ve got Nicholas and Lucas and Zachary; he’s got Jackson and Lincoln—very similar sounds, lots of hard-C. Do you both like that hard-C sound? I’ll bet so, since there’s also Caleb, Carter, Campbell. Are there more candidates to consider? Isaac, Jacoby, Ezekiel, Clark, Connor, Micah, Declan, Marcus, Beckett, Malcolm, Alec, Callum? You might also like the sound of X: Alexander, Maxwell, Felix.

You also both have a lot of names featuring L-sounds. This might lead me to suggest Liam, Leo, Milo, Eli, Gabriel, Daniel, Nathaniel, Callum again, Malcolm again, Ezekiel again, Declan again, etc.

Elliott and Oliver feel very close to me in sound and style. Together they make me think of Theodore, Felix, Louis, Edmund, Milo, Miles, Hugo, Henry, Leo, Charles, Sebastian, Owen, Jasper, Emmett, Everett which might be out because of the V, and Graham. Simon fits here beautifully.

Or you’ve got Garrett, but maybe Grant would have the presidential sound he likes while still not being too weighty for you.

This exercise might make things harder rather than easier, but sometimes it helps clarify things to start clustering names into possible sibling groups. Maybe your husband loves the name Lincoln but doesn’t love any names that would make good brother names for it; maybe you love the name Lucas but feel like it’s too much S if you have a Tessa later on. Do you see yourself more as the mother of an Ezra and a Nolan, or more as the mother of a Nicholas and a Joshua? Does your husband see himself more as the father of a Carter and an Austin, or more as the father of a Truman and a Jefferson? That sort of thing.

Name update! K. writes:

Thank you so much to you and your readers for weighing in on my question and providing great suggestions and advice.  Our son, Simon Elliott, was born on December 16, and we are so in love with him.  My husband and I didn’t decide on a name until about a day after he was born.  We even re-read your post and all the comments in the hospital!  After a lot of back and forth, we went with Simon Elliott.  My husband reminded me that we had gotten engaged on St. Simons Island in Georgia, so that convinced me that the name was right.  I love that there is meaning behind our little boy’s name.  Thank you again, everyone!

(I’ve attached here a photo!)

M. writes:

Hi swistle!!! I wrote to you two years ago asking for help naming my precious “baby boy Weens“! I loved your feedback and readers comments! I went with Asher August and I’m soo in love with his name I am struggling with finding an equally AWesome name for new baby brother due in October.

A few things have changed: I found an amazing man :). He has a 7 year old son named Aiden. So now we have Aiden and Asher. At first my baby name obsessed mind freaks out at the fact they are two A names. Do I keep the A theme? Or scrap it?! We will be having another baby after this one and I think I have convinced myself that since neither of us were involved in the naming of the other’s bio child, we can get away from “A” names. And 4 A name kids is too duggar-ish.

We have a list going into the delivery and dh favorite is one of mine but I struggle with the combination of the middle name. Mn is Robert. Our “list” is Sullivan, Foster, Oaken, Uriah, Axel. Foster is the one I struggle with. He loves the sound of the two together but for the life of me I can’t say it properly with the repeating errr rrrrrr rrrrr.

Is it too tongue twister??

Last name is billespie with a G not a B.

Thanks in advance!

I agree: the time to break with the letter A is now, if you don’t want to use A for all the children.

Will you be saying the first and middle names together much? That is, do you call the other children First Middle routinely, or do you call them only by their first names? If you plan to call him only his first name, I don’t think it matters if it runs together a bit with the middle name. If you plan to call him First Middle and you find you can’t say it properly, then I think it matters enough to eliminate the name from consideration.

My favorite with Aiden and Asher is Foster. If you cross out Foster, my second favorite is Sullivan. Let’s have a poll to see what everyone else likes best:

[yop_poll id=”33″]

Name update! M. writes:

Hi swistle! I very much appreciate you putting up my blog post at the last minute!!! Was so great of you!!!
We went into delivery both kinda set on using foster but once we met him (after an hour and twenty minute labour!!!) we both knew he was a Sullivan. We took a couple days to make sure it suited him. We are all so in love with our 9 lb 12 oz Sullivan Robert wiens Gillespie <3

Thanks again so much :):):)

I hope to write you again in two years ;)

Deborah writes:

We’re due in February with our first kid and we just found out it’s a boy. My husband and I always said if we were having a boy we’d name it after his father who passed away some years ago. The name is Thomas and while I like it just fine, I’m not so keen on the nickname Tommy. We’ve also discussed choosing a name that pays homage to Thomas . A top contender right now is Theo (just Theo, not Theodore)

We plan to have a few kids and our last name is Bride with an Mc in front of it.

We’re also interested in a Spanish middle name to honor my Latino roots.

For Thomas, I liked
Thomas Emilio
Thomas Javier
Thomas Joaquin

For Theo, I find middle names trickier. Theo Javier sounds too “h” heavy. Theo Emilio or any other names ending in “o” are a obviously a no. I don’t like names that have an obvious English equivalent like Jaime or Miguel.

So two questions- one, what are some good name options other than Theo that would honor the name Thomas?
And two, what are some good Spanish middle names?

Thank you!

If you use Thomas as a first name, I don’t think you’ll have much trouble with the nickname Tommy: it isn’t used much these days. The Thomas in my son Robert’s grade goes by Thomas, not Tommy or even Tom; the Elizabeth in his grade goes by Elizabeth, not Beth. The James in my son Edward’s class goes by James, not Jimmy. The Davids go by David, not Dave or Davey; the Michaels go by Michael, not Mike or Mikey. The default seems to be that children use their full names unless they tell you otherwise; most of the nicknames have a dated sound. As The Baby Name Wizard points out, the popular television show Thomas the Tank Engine further encourages the full form of the name.

Since you feel less than wildly enthusiastic the name, though, I suggest using it in the middle name position. This is a classic place for an honor name, and lets you use the name as-is rather than finding something similar. Assuming your father-in-law’s surname was also McBride, it even strengthens the namesake by giving your son his grandfather’s name with his own first name tacked onto the front: ______ Thomas McBride. It also gives you more freedom when choosing names for future children: you won’t have to try to coordinate with the style of the honor name, nor will you feel obligated to use any further honor names as first names.

The name Theo starts with a Th- like Thomas does, but the two names are unrelated. On top of that, the sound of the Th- isn’t the same, and there are no other sounds in common. For comparison, it’s a little like using the name Deanne to honor a Deborah: they share the first two letters plus a vowel, but that’s it. However, different families have different ways of doing things. If in your extended family it’s common for a namesake to share only the first letter of the name, for example, then Theo is an excellent namesake for a Thomas: it shares three letters and has a good visual similarity.

Since you’re using an honor name from your husband’s side of the family, I like the idea of using one from yours as well. Do you have any family members you’d like to honor? I tried pairing Theo with some names from the Latino section of The Baby Name Wizard or from the Spanish Names section of The Oxford Dictionary of First Names—but I don’t know how those names sound or feel, or what the associations are. I thought I could easily be recommending the equivalent of Theo Herbert, or Theo Owen, or Theo Clinton.

Or perhaps you could combine the two honors by using Tomas, the Spanish version of Thomas.

Name update! Deborah writes:

So sorry, I realized I never updated you. A bit late 4 and half months later but here ya go!

I was 3 weeks early and we still hadn’t decided upon a name when our baby made his grand entrance. After a complicated birth, we ended up in the hospital for a full week and still didn’t have a name until the night before we were discharged!

To be honest, I had completely forgotten I had written to you and so when my husband and I were discussing names in the hospital and getting nowhere, he decided to Google a few variations we were considering and came across your site with my question!

Your response and all the comments were so helpful. Thank you all so much.

Also, it was likely the pain meds but one of the commenters mentioning how she knew someone named Thomas whose name turned into Tuffy had me doubled-over in laughter (which was both funny and incredibly painful given that I had just given birth.)

Anyhow, after trying a few combinations out on our new son, we decided to go with Theo Joaquin. We explained to close family the connection for us with the name Thomas and it feels meaningful to us. And the name suits him to a T! :)

C. writes:

We could use some help in the eleventh hour!
I am due any day–tomorrow–but think baby girl might hold out for another week or more. We are trying to decide whether to use my last name for her middle name (I didn’t change my name upon marriage. It is very similar to the word “martini”) or a more classic sounding middle name. Last name would be husband’s name: something very similar to Noyes (pronounced moist with no “t”).

Given the recent post I read on the Louise who didn’t like her name and is aiming for a mid-twenties change, I am worried about our daughter not having a second option in case she doesn’t dig her first name. However, it also could be really nice for her to be able to identify with me and my side of the family. I am pretty against the following: 1) going by a middle name (I do, and don’t want to inflict that upon her) 2) using four names (my husband does–including both a middle traditional type name and his mother’s maiden name. She didn’t change her name either) 3) using a hypen for our last names; I think it works great for some, but our names together aren’t great and creates a mouthful.

For whatever reason the debate about whether to include my name ends up feeling like: do we give her a more feminine sounding middle name fallback? or help her to be more in touch with her feminine roots? Perhaps this is the exploration of my “feminist” beliefs. I recognize that this is a bit absurd because my last name is my father’s. I grew up with my mom (a product of the 60s in the South wishing that she had not changed her name).

Of course in addition to all this, we are having some pre-birth naming jitters. Phoebe has been the first name forerunner for quite some time–we love that it is traditional without being crazy popular. Perhaps as the equivalent of marriage cold feet, we can’t help feeling like there is some name we are missing. We would love your insight regarding mother surname usage and or/any name suggestions that might help us to feel a little more a-ha and a little less blah. Here are some options we’ve had on our list based on the information above:

Phoebe Elizabeth (my aunt’s first name) Noyes
Phoebe Martini Noyes
Juliet Posey (grandmother’s maiden name) Noyes
Elizabeth Martini Noyes nn Libby
Juliet Martini Noyes
(Obviously Phoebe Posey Noyes is out given the “PP” problem you have oft explored)

If your surname were literally Martini, I would consider its alcoholic drink association a major factor—so I will hasten to remind the readers that the name is not actually Martini but instead a surname-sounding surname with a pleasant sound.

While I do think it’s nice to have a middle name to fall back on if the first name doesn’t work out, only a small percentage of people actually do choose to go by something other than their first names—and then not all of those people choose to go by their middle names. I think this falls into the category of There Is No Such Thing as Choosing a Name That Works for Every Possibility. I do think it’s wise to take those other possibilities into account, and I do think “having another name to fall back on” is a point in favor of a first-name-type name in the middle-name position—but I don’t think you have to weigh those too heavily, considering the relatively low likelihood of them being issues.

Another thing we can’t know ahead of time whether she is the kind of girl who would find it pleasing to have her mother’s surname as a middle name, or whether she is the kind of girl who would find it pleasing to have another standard girl name there, or whether she is the kind of girl who would first feel one way and then end up feeling the other way. Since we can’t know, we can try to guess based on what we think most women would feel, or based on what we ourselves would feel—-but again, this falls into a category of unknowability: you’ll have to choose what you prefer to give her, based only in part on your guesses about what she’d prefer to have.

And which WOULD you prefer? That is, for a moment let’s set aside the issue of what SHE would prefer, because we have no idea. Which would YOU prefer? When you picture writing her name thousands of times on thousands of pieces of paperwork, which name do you think you would feel happiest to be writing?

You haven’t mentioned if you’re planning other children, but that’s something I would want to take into account. Are you seeing this as a one-time thing, where you use your surname as a family middle name for the first child but then you won’t continue that for each subsequent child? Or does this set the pattern, so that deciding to use your surname as a middle name means that you will do the same for all children?

You mention that your surname is actually your father’s, and while I understand the gist of this argument and I think it’s good to keep it in mind, for myself I do think of “my father’s” surname as my own: I was born with it, and it belongs to me just as much as it ever belonged to him—and just as much as it would belong to me in a matriarchal system where it was “my mother’s” surname. Also, I think it’s different in your case because the surname in question is also CURRENTLY your surname. That is, it is your daughter’s mother’s surname RIGHT NOW, and will be as she is growing up. She’s not going to be thinking, “I have my grandfather’s surname as my middle name,” she will be thinking, “I have my mother’s surname as my middle name and then my father’s surname as my last name.” Furthermore, that arrangement will make sense to everyone who knows your family, and will even help to alleviate some of the minor hassles of a parent having a different surname from his or her child’s: schools and doctors and so forth will look on the paperwork and see a situation that makes sense to them. Which is not to say that we should set things up to make sense to the people who deal with our paperwork, but rather to say that it’s one point in favor of the idea.

I also like your idea of giving her as a middle name the first name of another woman in your family (or a surname such as Posey, which works as a first name). This ties her to your side of the family while giving her a middle name she could fall back on if she wanted to.

I’m assuming you’ve already ruled out options such as giving the girl children your surname and the boy children your husband’s surname or vice versa, or alternating back and forth between your surname and his, or in fact giving them all your surname—so I will mention that only in passing.

There are two other possibilities that occur to me:

1. You could give her your own first or middle name as her middle name. This ties her to you without using a surname you might think of as your father’s, while also giving her a standard feminine first name as her middle name, and while also releasing you from a feeling of obligation to do the same for all future children. Downside: she’d be unlikely to consider this a fall-back option if she didn’t want to use her first name.

2. You could give her your mother’s original surname as her middle name. This ties your daughter to your side of the family, and has appeal if it was your mother who reared you and if her use of your father’s surname was regretted. I suppose we could say that it was actually your mother’s FATHER’S surname, but in a patriarchal society that’s the potential spin we’re stuck with if we want to use family surnames.

I think it’s a good idea to keep in mind that she will be tied to your side of the family no matter what name you give her. Names are a nice way to symbolically communicate family connections, but they’re only symbols: the real connections happen separately. She will identify with you and your side of the family because they’re half of her extended family, whether or not she has a name from that side.

If you would like to know what I think I personally would choose in your shoes, I think I would give her my own surname as her middle name, and I would do the same for all subsequent children. I would already be unhappy to be the only one in my household family with a different surname, and so I would want my surname represented in my children’s names as well. (However, I would be sad to give up the fun of choosing a middle name, which is why in real life we went your husband’s parents’ route of giving them my original surname as a second middle name.)

Name update! C. writes:

Hi, Swistle!
I wanted to provide an update on my October post. Your timing was perfect. I started having contractions the day after I emailed you. My husband and I ended up sitting in the hospital just after the birth reading your great comments and those of the readers. What excellent points everyone made–they helped us in our final discussion. Although I still have moments when I wish that I had gone with four names, I overall feel good about the decision to go with Phoebe Elizabeth Noyes, no inclusion of my surname. I appreciate your comments about not knowing what kind of girl we will have and what she may or may not like about her name. We do hope to have other kids and I can feel okay about none of them going by my surname as we find other ways to honor my family (like with Elizabeth– my aunt’s name). I am grateful to you and all who responded, thank you! I am attaching a pic of baby Phoebe!