Leitia writes:

I feel like I may go crazy, but am choosing to blame it mostly on the pregnancy hormones. We are expecting a baby girl in early May. We thought we had her name picked out: Norah. We chose that name when I was pregnant with my son 3 years ago. However we are pretty sure we want something different at this point. I am not bothered by a name that is popular, but we have met/know nine little Noras in the past 1.5 years-NINE!!! Four live in our neighborhood and five of them are children of people in our social network, all are under age 5 and three were born in the past two months. We are feeling like it is just too much, and the name has lost its special feel. Our son’s name is Levi, which is technically more popular, but I have only met 1 in person, and have one friend with a child named Levi, so I do not think it is just our hypersensitivity to a name.

Our last name is Irish and sounds like McFew. My husband is Ben(jamin) and I am Leitia(Layshuh), a name I have grown to appreciate, but has always been a pain. We want recognizable, easy to spell and pronounce names for our children. Our son is Levi Harper. And had this baby been a boy, he would be Simon Reid. We do not know at this point if this baby is our last or not.

We are avoiding family names for middles, and opting for names we like and/or have special meaning to us. We seem to prefer names that are classy, short and sweet, have good meaning, age well, and pair well with Levi and our last name.

I felt sure I had found the perfect name at one point: Miriam, but called Mira almost exclusively. It fit everything I was looking for so perfectly, and has such a special meaning to me. I was so sure it was “the” name that I felt confident we were having a girl before ever finding out. My husband has tried to come around to it, but says he just does not like it. I have passed the idea of just using Mira by him, or even the Irish Meara, but he still does not like it. So we need help!

Names on our short list, but none are jumping out at us:

Claire
June
Keira
Naomi
Myra
Hazel
Clara
Neva
Margo(t)

My husband has thrown out just a few names. He seems to gravitate towards short and Irish: Bria, Keira, and Keela. None feel classic enough for me.

Names I love, but husband doesn’t: Caroline, Eliza, Nessa, Pearl, Daphne, Freya, Fiona, Sylvia/Sylvie, Thea, Vada. I feel like I am mostly into names that are classic or old, and a little spunky. The middle name will likely be one from our short list, probably June, Claire, or Naomi.

We need help! I am such a planner. Even though we still have a few months, I never dreamed we would not have chosen a name by now.

Thank you for any guidance!

It is really a shame your husband doesn’t like Mira, especially since he DOES like Keira and Myra. Perhaps Miriam will work as the middle name.

When I read that Nora was out, the first name that came to mind was Cora. It’s very similar in style to Nora; it’s easy to spell and pronounce; it’s classy, short, and sweet; and perhaps it will not have enjoyed quite the resurgence that Nora has in your neighborhood. Cora McFew; Levi and Cora.

Or Nina. Nina McFew; Levi and Nina.

Or Orla. Orla McFew; Levi and Orla.

Or Georgia. Georgia McFew; Levi and Georgia.

Or Mallory. Mallory McFew; Levi and Mallory.

Or Nadia. Nadia McFew; Levi and Nadia.

Or perhaps Eleanor, and call her Nell or Ellie instead of Nora. Then perhaps as she gets older, the Noras in your area will thin out and you can call her Nora after all. Eleanor McFew; Levi and Eleanor; Levi and Nell.

Or Noelle. Noelle McFew; Levi and Noelle.

Or Nola. Nola McFew; Levi and Nola.

Or Carys. Carys McFew; Levi and Carys.

Or Brin/Bryn/Brynne. Brin McFew; Levi and Brin.

I think Lydia would be lovely, if you don’t mind repeating the initial. Lydia McFew; Levi and Lydia. I thought of it when I was imagining a little Simon born later: Levi, Lydia, and Simon. The long-I sound and 2-syllable length ties Levi and Simon together; the L-initial ties Levi and Lydia together; and the 5-letter length ties Lydia and Simon together. And all three have a biblical sound.

I wonder if Anna might be just the thing. It’s simple and classic, and very easy to pronounce and spell. Anna McFew; Levi and Anna.

Or Audrey? Audrey McFew; Levi and Audrey.

Name update! Leitia writes:

Thanks for posting our baby name dilemma!  It was so fun hearing everyone’s feedback.  After going through time and time again and considering so many lovely names, we decided to stick with our original choice of Norah.  It still felt special despite so, so many Nora(h)s around us.  We tried so hard to agree on another name that felt as special.   We went to the hospital with the name Norah June Miriam.  We decided to add a second middle name since Miriam had such special meaning to me for this pregnancy.  However, when I first held her in my arms, I knew Norah was not her name.  I did not tell my husband at first because I was feeling so overwhelmed from the delivery.  Later in the night, he asked if I felt Norah was the right name.  I confessed, I was having a hard time seeing her as Norah.  I told him I thought she was a Mira.  He said he thought Norah or Mira would be equally wonderful names and suit her well either way I felt.  So we had the nurses change all her signs to “Mira June McFew.”  It is perfect and so is she.  My husband and I are both thrilled with our choice.  And I have secretly tucked away “Tessa Pearl” for a future daughter if there ever is one.  Tessa was my favorite reader suggestion AND I was smitten with all the love for Pearl :)

Mira June, born April 27th.  Photo attached!

Thanks again, Leitia

$kye writes:

I am due with my second girl in six weeks and absolutely do not have a name, not even one to consider! I am so lost that I’m afraid we won’t even have names to pick from when at the hospital!

My first daughter is 3, named @rden M@e (middle name after my grandmother).
Originally our requirements were we wanted another name that begins with an “A” but we have thrown that out at this point. We would like a name that has two syllables and does not leave room for a nickname. Because we have not been able to come up with such name, we are open to any suggestions!

Here is where we are today:

We would still prefer the name to have two syllables and not give room for a nickname. We would like to give our second daughter my middle name which is @nn.
Our daughter @rden keeps referring to her baby sister as Della. We don’t know where she got that name but she introduces my belly to everyone as her baby sister Della. We have had several people suggest to us to name the baby Della but that doesn’t work because we have an Ella in our extended family and I just don’t love the name.

We like names that are not common but not made up and have found that we really like the names Neely and Landry but cannot use those names due to friends having named their children such names.

Other names that have been suggested to us but we have turned down for some reason or another are:

Carys
Ansel
Seren
Gentry
Hartley
Keelin
Keela
Noely
Nora
Roslyn
Reyna
Reeve

I provided these as a hopes to give you an idea of our naming style. Swistle, can you and your readers help us so that we can have at least ONE name to consider?!?

We are desperate. Thank you for your consideration.

Name update! $kye writes:

Hi Swistle and Readers,

Please meet Della Joann. After we considered several names suggested by Swistle readers and strongly considered Maslyn, she was given the name her bigger sister gave her when we found out we were having a girl. We couldn’t get over that she would only refer to her as Della, so that was the name chosen after she was 5 hours old. The Jo is for the first two letters of dad’s first name and Ann is mom’s middle name. It is neat that we all got to attribute to her name. Hopefully she will like it when she gets older! Thank you for going along with us on the naming journey.

Here is the proud big sister, @rden, and Della.

A. writes:

I’m having such a hard time deciding between 2 middle names for our new little one.

We already have a daughter: Bethany Grace and our newest little lady will be named Matilda.

We have narrowed the middle names down to 2: Eve and Pearl

I’m just so stuck. I have always loved Eve and my great grandmother’s name was Eva so I just always thought I would use it if we ever had another girl.

However, more recently, I discovered Pearl. Pearl also has family significance as my grandmother’s name is Peggy which means Pearl and hubby’s grandmother’s name Rita also means Pearl.

Hubby wants Pearl. I like Pearl but I was stuck on Eve for such a long time that I just can’t decide. Initially, I was still leaning towards Eve as that has been a favourite for so long but the more I look at Pearl the more it grows on me and since hubby has made a firm decision and I’m still stuck in limbo, I find myself considering Pearl more and more.

I guess I’d generally like to know what you and your readers like best and which combination goes best with our other daughter’s name. I always think Bethany Grace is such a pretty name, I want Matilda’s name to be just as pretty. I often use both our daughter’s names when speaking to her (ie Bethie Grace) and I have tried the same for Matilda using both options: Tilly Eve and Tilly Pearl… agrhh! I just don’t know which way to go!

Tilly is due early February! I’m getting anxious about not having decided before the big day!

Thanks so much for your help!

The upside of this type of dilemma is that you love BOTH options, and so whichever one you choose, you will love it. The downside is that no matter which one you choose, you’ll be letting go of an option you love. We had a similar dilemma with my youngest’s middle name: three great choices, all of which we loved, all of which had some significance. I remember lying awake agonizing over it. If it’s any comfort, at this point I look back at and I STILL think that ANY of the three names would have been great—and also, in retrospect the decision seems less crucial.

Might you have more children? I’d find it soothing to think that there still could be a chance to use the other name later on.

If you can’t decide which of the two options is prettier, I think that means you think they’re equally pretty, and so that can be taken out of both sides of the equation. If you can’t decide if you prefer Tilly Eve or Tilly Pearl, I think that means you think they work equally well, and so that too can be taken out of both sides of the equation. Were you close to your great-grandmother Eva? Are your grandmothers’ names Margaret/Marguerite, or are Peggy/Rita their given names? If you barely knew your great-grandmother and the given names are Rita and Peggy, the honor connections seem equal as well.

All that remains is preference: you’d prefer Eve, and your husband would prefer Pearl. If neither one of you wants to give up their choice, it may be necessary to abandon both names and look for something new you can agree on. Since you’d like the sisters’ names to coordinate, I might look for middle names similar to Grace:

Matilda Jane; Bethie Grace and Tilly Jane
Matilda Jo; Bethie Grace and Tilly Jo
Matilda Joy; Bethie Grace and Tilly Joy
Matilda June; Bethie Grace and Tilly June
Matilda Rose; Bethie Grace and Tilly Rose

I think my own preference between Matilda Pearl and Matilda Eve would be Matilda Eve. The name Matilda is a very recent revival, and so is Pearl; the Ev- sound is fully in style, and so I like the way Eve would give her a more current name to coordinate with Bethany Grace. Let’s have a poll to see what everyone else thinks:

[yop_poll id=”45″]

Name update! A. writes:

Thank you for posting my baby name dilemma back in January when we were deciding on a middle name for Matilda (Eve or Pearl).

Well, our princess is here now and we decided on Matilda Pearl!

I had pretty much swayed more towards Pearl by the time my question was posted but it was so lovely to have it reaffirmed by so many of your readers. Now that she’s here we have had lots of compliments on her name and as you said, because I loved both options, I would love whatever I chose and I do!

Thank you again for your help.

Christine writes:

Please help! My husband and I are expecting our second daughter in March and having a tough time deciding on a name!

My husbands name is Stephen Paul (he is a junior) and I am Christine Agafia (middle name from Russian GG). Our last name is Carsons with a P.

My daughters name is Sydney Paige, her initials SPP are the same as my husbands, which he thinks is really cool. Sydney was named the moment we found out she was a girl! I had loved the name for a long time after working with someone who I respected and admired! Also love her name for the nicknames, SPP, Syd, Syd vicous (my husbands music reference).

Which brings us to baby girl # 2. We cannot decide on anything! She will be the final addition to our family so we are good with doing another S name or not.
Here is our very short list:

Scarlett Posey -Posey is family name from my husbands side and also spells SPP
Charlotte James – James from my father however have concerns that Charlotte is too popular
Shay
Katherine “Kate” – have loved this name for a long time however had a friend name her daughter this recently, I feel its out but husband disagrees
Caroline – also loved name however cousin just named her daughter this a few weeks ago and this name is definitely out!

So our list is basically Scarlett, Charlotte and Shay. I’m leaning towards Scarlett but fear that the name is too dramatic and that Charlotte is too popular. We are also looking for a good nickname name, which is another reason I struggle with Scarlett.

Thank you very much for time and consideration in help with naming our daughter!

I would be inclined to give your second daughter the same initials as yours, especially since: (1) your first daughter has her father’s initials; (2) your first daughter uses her initials as one of her nicknames; (3) both girls have their father’s surname; (4) there’s a C-name already high on your list. Charlotte Avril, Charlotte Amelia, Charlotte Anne, etc. I might lean toward a less frilly middle name, to better coordinate with the name Sydney Page: Charlotte Avery, Charlotte Alex, Charlotte Aubrey, etc.

The name Charlotte is popular, yes, but it’s not out of hand: it was given to .39% of U.S. baby girls in 2012, which is fewer than 1 girl out of 250. Statistically, that means approximately one girl named Charlotte for every twenty classrooms (assuming twenty-five kids in a class, approximately half girls)—though of course names can vary considerably from one region to another, so that one school will not have a single Charlotte in the whole building and another school will have twenty times the national average and a Charlotte in each classroom. The name Charlotte also has great nickname flexibility if she wants/needs it: Charlie, Lottie, Cap or Cappy from her initials. And I like that Sydney and Charlotte could both be considered place names.

I also think Sydney and Scarlett are well-coordinated. Looking at your nickname list for Sydney, I suspect you would find that nicknames came naturally for a Scarlett as well. Lettie would be my favorite nickname for Scarlett: I like the contrast between the extreme sass of Scarlett and the pioneer sweetness of Lettie. Or a Scarlett could certainly be nicknamed Red or Rosie, or O’Hara. I might also look for a middle name that would increase your nickname options. For example, Scarlett Louise would give you Lettie Lou. Or any middle name other than P would give you the option to call her by her initials. Or if you named her Scarlett Posey, you could add Posey and Posey-pie to the list of nicknames. And so on.

Sydney and Shay seem well-coordinated as well, though they look very similar to me when I see them typed next to each other like that. And you’re looking for a good nickname name, and the name Shay doesn’t meet that preference—though there are always nicknames like Shay-shay, Shayla, Shaylina, Shay-bay, and so on. The middle-name strategy would work here, too: For example, Shay Katherine could be called Shay Kate or Shay Kay or S.K. or SKP or Skip (from the initials).

Name update! Christine writes:

Thank you so much for all of the excellent suggestions! My husband and I loved and appreciated all of the input and considered all of the options….

Charlotte .James Carsons (with a P) was born on March 24, 2014

A. writes:

I need your help! I know you recently addressed “rhyming names” in the Caroline Divine letter, but what about names that have a repeating series of sounds or letters? Not strictly a last-part-of-the-name-kind-of-rhymes stretch, but an all-out repeat between first and last name?

(It made me sad to see something as lovely as Caroline Divine come up as a question because I knew it meant you probably wouldn’t be able to answer my letter, and unfortunately that response doesn’t help with my own dilemma.)

Our last name sounds like Bestest, without the B, and we’re expecting a baby boy around the end of May.

The name my husband and I both love is West.

My husband thinks that West Bestest is just fine, that the rhyme and repeated letters shouldn’t be an issue. Aside from the fact that it sounds like it could be a place in Texas (not where we live), I’m just not convinced. I fear the double -est is just too much. I love the name West, but I don’t know that I can bring myself to pair it with our surname. I also don’t know if I can resist it either, because I love the name so much.

I grew up with a sort-of rhyming name and it didn’t bother me at all, but then, it wasn’t the same series of letters repeated in the same order from my first name to my last. It was a near-rhyme that hardly called any attention to itself, not the showstopper that it seems to me that West Bestest would be.

My husband thinks that because our surname has an extra syllable over West, it’s similar to something like Jack Acker, which doesn’t bother me much at all and sounds just fine. But it just doesn’t seem the same to me.

My husband also thinks that since people usually mispronounce our last name as Besties instead of Bestest, it will lessen any impact of the repeated sounds. He thinks it will be most commonly pronounced as “West Besties” instead of “West Bestest,” even though it’s incorrect.

We kind of like Weston with the nickname West, but far, far less than we love West on its own. Our feeling for Weston is lukewarm, at best. And it’s popularity is a deterrent; we prefer something outside of the top 1000 (though we would be okay with something around the 500s or lower) but Weston is firmly in the top 200 and continuing to gain in popularity.

Our style preference is for something short and masculine that isn’t prone to obvious nicknames or has a common nickname we can accept. We think of our style as “cowboy names.”

Because we love West so much, we haven’t had much luck coming up with other choices:
* Huck – like it, but don’t know if we can deal with the “bad word” rhyme
* Rock, nn Rocky – just okay
* Lucky – too much like a dog’s name

I know most people don’t like rhyming names and a poll would certainly tell me not to use it. But what I really need is a voice of reason. Is West Bestest just too out there? Can you help?

Adding a B- and a -t helps to effectively disguise the surname for privacy purposes, but it also adds strong consonant sounds that make it more difficult to assess the situation. When I was saying this over and over to myself, West Bestest, West Bestest, West Bestest, I was thinking, “Well, I would not do it. But it will not be the end of the world if they use it. Think of all the kids who are named John Johnson or whatever, and that’s completely on purpose.” But then I took the B- and -t off, and I got Wes/West Testes, which is a word I’d prefer not to create if your name is frequently mispronounced to rhyme with besties. If I pronounce the surname correctly, I get Wes Tess Tess.

It isn’t a doubled sound, it’s a tripled sound. If the name were West Jamieston, West Preston, even West Lester, we would not have the situation we have here, which is ES ES-ES. The equivalent is not Jack Acker, but Jax Acksack, or Herb Erber, or Grant Antan, or Mark Arkar. There are two echoes, not one—and the surname is made entirely of echoing sounds, with no other sounds to break up the repeat.

As with the Caroline Divine post, I think the fact that most people would assume the names wouldn’t rhyme will increase the pronunciation problems. People will say to themselves, “Well, it just can’t be Wes Tess Tess. I’ll try West Test Tees to be safe.”

Because you say you already know a poll would be against it, I’m not sure what you’re asking. Are you asking if you can go ahead and do it anyway, knowing most people will think it’s a tongue-tangling showstopper? Yes, you can go ahead and do it anyway. I’m advising against it, and you’re already guessing a poll would be against it (my guess is the same), but you two are the ones who get to decide what’s best for your child’s name.

But if I were you, I would add this name to the list of names every parent has: names we love that we can’t use because of our surname, or because the other parent hates the name, or because it’s also the name of someone famously awful, or because it’s also a curse word in the country half our family comes from, or because it’s the name of someone at the office the other parent has always suspected us of having a crush on, or because it’s the name of our sister’s father-in-law, husband, and son.

From here I’d advise you not to look for a name you like as much as West, since such a name might not exist; instead, look for the name you like best of all the remaining names.

Name update! A. writes:

Boy, were my pregnancy hormones out of control when I wrote you back in January!  Rereading my letter now, I wonder what in the world I was thinking!   Not only did I have the answer my own question before I ever pressed send, but I had also convinced myself that we were having a boy.  I loved the lists of “cowboy names” that everyone came up with, but when we found out we were actually having a girl, we had to rethink everything.  Late last week, we welcomed a sweet little girl, whom we named Indie V!olet.

Thara writes:

I am due in April with our second child. We have decided not to find out the gender so it will be a surprise at the birth. This means we have to have names prepared for both a girl and a boy. My husband and I both have unusual names -Dax & Thara (like Sarah with a “Th”) our sons name is Simeon Dax. Surname is German, Reinitz (like “rye” & “knits”)

Here is our problem…we can’t decide on a girls name! The ones we like right now are Jocelyn Lee (after our mothers) but we can’t agree on the spelling. He wants Josalin and I like Jocelyn so we are at an impasse. We also like Felicity Ann and are considering Eleanor. We would really like to use my name since it is a 3rd generation family name but can’t find a suitable middle name that sounds good and that we like enough for her to go by (two Thara’s in one house would be confusing!)

We love the fact that our names are not very common and want to stay away from popular/cutesy names but don’t want something totally off the wall either. What the name means is also a big factor especially if it doesn’t have a significant namesake/meaning for us personally. We also don’t want anything that is widely considered unisex ie Jordan, Madison etc.

If the baby is a boy his name will most likely be George Truman (family names we love!) & go by his middle name but we also like the name Silas so we are considering that one too.

Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Thanks!

When I see the spelling Josalin, my brain links it to Rosa and Rosalind and I want to pronounce it with a long-O and a Z-sound: JOE-zah-lin instead of JOSS-sah-lin. With time and practice I would learn the pronunciation, but I would personally avoid an unnecessarily difficult spelling unless there’s a particular reason to use it (if, for example, that’s the way the honoree’s name is spelled, although even then I might opt to change at this point to a standard spelling)—especially since overall you seem to like traditional spellings.

I like Thara Felicity: the family name, and then a name from your list (with a great meaning) that you like well enough for her to go by. If I were the village namer and you came to me to have your baby assigned a name, that’s probably the one I’d choose. Or would you want to use Thara as the middle name, to avoid confusion? Felicity Thara Reinitz is nice, or Jocelyn Thara Reinitz.

George Truman is great, or I like Truman George if you’re planning to call him Truman either way. Simeon and Silas are quite compatible in style, but both “Silas Reinitz” and “Simeon and Silas” seem very heavy on the S-sound to me.

Name update! Thara writes:

I wrote to you to ask advice about our baby’s name. At the time we didn’t know it was a girl but here she is…Felicity Ann! We love her and her name :)

Lorin writes:

My family of five is expecting the arrival of baby #4 in February 2014. She will be our third girl. Our other children are all named after my (or my husband’s) grandparents and unfortunately the names we have left to pick from don’t really go with our other children’s names. Or we just don’t like them :) We’ve been creative in the past, naming both of our girls after grandFATHERS.

My BIG kids are:

Carmen Louise (maternal great grandfather, paternal grandmother)
Francis Palmer AKA “Frankie” (paternal great grandfather, paternal great great grandfather)
Willa Marie (paternal grandfather “William”, maternal great grandmother)

so…….

with that said…….

the remaining (great) grandmother names are:

Winona Catherine
Norma Betty
Mildred Carmencita
Lola
Domenica
Barbara (no)

the remaining (great) grandfather names are:

Herbert
Robert
George
Adrian

Our last name is Titus. My husband and I can’t seem to agree. I prefer Millie, Domenica (“Meni”), Lola, Betty or Georgia while Daddy likes Winnie or Betty (but he wants Elizabeth to give her options). Our daughter, Willa’s name, is giving us the most trouble. The problems are:

Willa/Winnie: too much W???
Willa/Millie: too much double L????
Willa/Betty: too close to WilMA and Betty???

Are these crazy concerns or what?

Any advice would be appreciated. Please feel free to hang out in shades of gray. We love the idea of people recognizing our children’s names as, well…names; but, how many Carmen, Frankie, or Willa’s do you actually know?

All three of your concerns seem non-crazy to me: they would bother me, too. With Willa and Winnie, I think I’d keep getting confused and saying Willie and Winna. Same with Willie/Milla. And Willa and Betty did make me think of the Flintstones, though perhaps that wouldn’t cause any trouble. Betty Titus gives me a stuttering T-sound with the T in every single syllable. Carmen and Meni feel very similar to me, too, as do Willa and Lola.

Goodness, I am just crossing out possibilities left and right! So I want to rush to say that in the long run, I don’t think any of these issues are a huge deal: I’d prefer to avoid them, but that doesn’t mean I think they’re deal-breakers. Plenty of families have two children with very similar names, even to the point of confusion, and I doubt it’s something that plagues their every waking moment. So if you find a name you think is The Name, it may very well be worth taking on an element that is Not Quite Ideal.

You may have already considered and rejected it, but I like Nora (from Norma). Carmen, Frankie, Willa, and Nora.

Or perhaps you could get Danica from Domenica. Carmen, Frankie, Willa, and Danica.

I love Georgia—is there any chance your husband would come around to it? I think it’s great with the sibling group. Or Georgianna is pretty, and gives her Annie if she wants it.

I like Adrienne and Adriana, too. Carmen, Frankie, Willa, and Adrienne/Adriana.

With this sibling group I might choose Bettina as the long form for Betty, rather than Elizabeth.

Robin used to be used as a nickname for Robert. Carmen, Frankie, Willa, and Robin.

Name update! Lorin writes:

Sorry for the delay in responding with our child’s name. To be honest, we left the hospital without a name for little “baby girl Titus.” But, on day two of being home my husband and I came to somewhat of an agreement and three months later couldn’t be happier with our name selection:

Betty Wynn Titus

As I mentioned, Betty was my husband’s grandmother and favorite person before her passing in 2011. I discovered the name Wynn when trying to find a variation of Winona (his other grandmother who is still with us).

So, there you go. I loved Georgie and Bertie but could not get my husband on board with either. And as a side note, my three big kids (6,4 & 2) all call her “Bette Bette”, so there’s that—

Kirsten writes:

I hope you can help me with my baby name dilemma!

Baby girl is due in February and, although I know I have a few weeks before she is here, I feel like I have spent an extraordinary amount of time searching for her name – with limited results.
I’m feeling the pressure of time!

I have three children currently.
Maxwell nicknamed Max (7yo), Annika nicknamed Annie (5yo), and Theodore nicknamed Theo (just turned 3yo) (but often called Bear – Theodore to Teddy to Teddy Bear to Bear!)
If this baby were a boy, his name would be Oscar William nicknamed Oz.
And since I had a boy’s name all ready to go, I just knew that kiddo had to be a girl! Ha!

Our last name is pronounced very similar to Kale (like the vegetable!). It is German in origin, obviously fairly harsh, and one syllable.
Because of the short last name, I think a three to four syllable first name sounds best.
Both my husband and I are English/German/Northern European in heritage and would prefer (although it’s not essential) a name that reflects that heritage.
Strongly preferred is a longer formal name with a more down-to-earth/fun nickname.
In our case, because of the short last name and likely longer first name, a good nickname is (almost) as important as the given name.

This is my last child.
I have noticed in my own naming style, I tend to be more conservative in my boy names, while more unusual in my girl names.
I also believe that while a stereotypically feminine name is lovely and to be valued, a girl needs a bit of sass, a little spunk in this world!
I want a name with spark and verve!

I love my daughter’s name, Annika.
It is different, but not crazy or made-up.
It is familiar sounding, but not common.
It has a bit of sass with the ‘ka’ ending.
It has a warm and fun nickname with ‘Annie’.
It is German/Northern European in origin.
I question if I’m ever going to find another girl’s name I like as much!

The leading contender name at this point is Verity nicknamed Vee or Tru (playing on the meaning of the name ‘Truth’).
And I like the name! I do. And my exceedingly difficult-to-please husband very much likes it.
I just question if it is THE name.
I think perhaps it is the ‘ee’ ending that is bothering me. Does it sound to much like a nickname i.e.. Katy/Sandy/Vicky/Etc.?
Does Verity nn Tru sound like we’re ‘trying’ too hard?
How does Maxwell, Annika, Theodore, and Verity work as a sibset? How about Max, Annie, Theo, and Tru? Max, Annie, Bear, and Tru?

Currently, other possible names for this baby girl are (in no particular order) –
Rebekah nn Beks/Bekah (a bit common and unsurprising)
Rosemarie nn Rose/Rosie (too sweet)
Octavia nn Tavi (somewhat heavy)
Alethea nn Allie (a touch frilly)

Names that we’ve seriously considered but since have discarded for various reasons (although several are still floating around in my subconscious) include –
Susannah nn Susie
Katrina or Katrin nn Katie
Marit/Maret
Calliope nn Alli
Faith
Averill nn Avi
Genevieve/Geneva/Genevra nn Jenny
Talia/Thalia nn Tali
Beatrix nn Bea
Norah
Honora nn Nora
Roxana nn Roxie

Ah! Names that we have considered and rejected? Just get out a baby name book!
I feel like we’ve been through all the lists!
Elsa, Gretchen, Greta, Ingrid, Sigrid, Selah, Sarah, Caroline, Elizabeth, Eliza, Emily, Astrid, Hazel, Violet, Avril, Katarina, Kristen, Kiersten, Olwen, Johanna, Abigail, Agnes, Allegra, Athena, Aviva, Vivika, Callista, Clarissa, Clara, Tabitha, Leonora, Felicity, Georgia/Georgiana/Georgina, Federica/Fredericka, Winifred, Gwyneth, Gwendolen, Guinevere, Linnea, Margaret, Magnolia, Sonia, Sylvia, Wilhelmina, and so on, and so on….

The middle name will likely be chosen from a selection of family names including Jane, Sara/h, Elizabeth, and Katherine.
If we go with Verity, the full name will likely be Verity Sara-Elizabeth.

I know I’ve written you a book here, but I hope you can help!
If you do choose my question for your blog, please feel free to cut the email as needed.
Again, I do appreciate any help you can give in my baby name quest!

Name update! Kirsten writes:

Hi!

I wanted to give you an update on Baby Girl Kale.
My naming dilemma was originally posted on 12/11/13 as “Baby Girl Kale, Sister to Maxwell (Max), Annika (Annie), and Theodore (Theo/Bear)’.

I received so much helpful input from you and your readers!  Thank you so much for that!
In fact, it was the comments from a couple of your readers (Kim C and Emily) who mentioned using a European form of a family name ‘Elizabeth’ which helped set us in a great direction to find Baby Girl Kale’s name.
Looking through our family trees, my husband and I again came across an ancestor named a German variation of Elizabeth = Elsbeth.
This time though, the name clicked.
Baby Girl’s middle name arose from a feminized form of my Maiden name = Mattea.

Baby Girl Kale was born on 2/26/14 at 1522.  8lbs 0oz, 20 1/4in long.
Her name is Elsbeth Mattea with a likely nickname of Betsy (although big sister is making a concerted push for Bets).

My family is now complete.
My children are named –
Maxwell, Annika, Theodore, Elsbeth.
Max, Annie, Theo, Betsy.

Thank you so very much, once again!!

Holly writes:

We desperately need help deciding on a name for our soon-to-be-arriving baby boy. We already have two daughters, Adeline Catherine (8) and Eleanor Jane (5), and a son Henry Theodore who was stillborn last August just two days before his due date.

Now that we’re expecting another baby boy, we’re really at a loss as to what to name him. We’ve only ever had two favorite boy names – Henry and Theodore – and nothing else we think of sounds quite right. The one thing we know for sure, is that the middle name will be August, as a reference to his brother (all of our children have middle names that relate to family). And as a note, Our last name sounds like “bungee” so all B names are out.

Our top two names now are Felix August and Frederick August, but neither seems perfect. Frederick seems too stodgy (nickname Fred or Freddie, but I don’t love either) and Felix seems too hipster (nickname Fox, but sounds like we’re trying too hard). I want a name somewhere in the middle, that also goes with our other children’s names. We liked Henry so much because it’s strong and kingly but also sounds fresh and youthful. Some other names we’ve considered but more-or-less ruled out are:

August – we considered this as a first name, but decided we really want it in the middle name spot

Everett – seems like a good middle ground and we both like it okay but neither of us is enamored. It’s also my dad’s middle name (named after his dad) and it would feel like we’re naming the baby after my dad and grandfather if we used it, and my dad hates the name

Benjamin – I like it quite a bit, but it’s a no-go with our last name.

Jasper

George

Emmett

Miles

Milo

Sawyer

Thomas

For reference, my name is Holly, my husband is Paul, and some of our other favorite girl names are Hazel, Violet, Beatrice, Margaret, and Clara.

Which sounds more like a matching sib set: Adeline, Eleanor, Henry, and Felix or Adeline, Eleanor, Henry, and Frederick?

Can you think of any other names we should be considering?

We’d really like to settle on a name before my induction next Saturday. Thanks for your help!

My first suggestion sets us back even further: I suggest reconsidering the middle name. “August, after my brother who was stillborn in August” seems like a very hard middle name to carry. It doesn’t even honor the person, but instead references the event. I would strongly urge you to choose another family name.

I think both Felix and Frederick go well with the sibling group, but it sounds as if you have serious hesitations about both. If you’re looking for a regal name like Henry, the royal family offers excellent inspiration. You have George on your list already (though Georgie Bungee feels a little too bouncy), but other good choices include: William, Charles, Edward, Edmund, James, Louis, Philip. I find all of those charming with the sibling group. Charles with the nickname Charlie seems particularly kingly while still being fresh and youthful. Charles (Charlie) Everett Bungee (CEB).

I also like Franklin.

The Baby Name Wizard suggests the nickname Fritz for Frederick; I wonder if that would take care of the nickname issue.

The name Felix seems so cool already, the nickname Fox feels like overkill. Would eliminating the nickname make you feel like the name was less hipster/trying?

Similar to Benjamin is Jonathan. Jonathan Everett Bungee (JEB). You could even use the initials JEB as a nickname.

Or Nathaniel also gives me much the same feeling as the name Benjamin.

Or Nicholas?

I love Everett, and we’ve discussed here before how people who claim to hate their names can end up feeling quite differently if it’s a matter of a namesake. Everett feels very similar to the name Henry: dignified gentleman, while also feeling fresh and cute. This is the name I would probably choose. One reason I keep using it as a stand-in for the family middle name (besides not having access to the rest of the family tree) is that it seems like it’s not ideal as the first name here (because neither of you are enthusiastic about it) but would make an excellent family middle name.

I wonder if you’d like Simon? Simon Everett makes a wonderful brother name with Henry Theodore.

Name update!

Hi Swistle,

I apologize this update is overdue – I just saw that you answered my question a year ago!

Felix August arrived on November 30, 2013, healthy and happy. I adore his name! :-) In contrast to concerns expressed by you and some of the commenters, I don’t think August is a sad middle name at all; I love that it’s a subtle remembrance of his brother, whom we celebrate in August. Our other children’s names also obliquely reference family members, so it’s a perfect fit for our family.

I’m attaching a picture of our sweet Felix.

Best,
Holly

Erin writes:

We are having a girl in February. My name is Erin, my husband’s name is Timothy (always Tim), and the baby’s last name will be Mark!evitz. We live in Los Angeles, so pretty much anything goes name-wise.

We were completely set on naming a girl Colette Revere (nn Cole). I was sure it was our daughter’s name. And then I had my husband talk out loud as if he would talk to the baby, and he was unable to say Colette- he just naturally called her Coley (which I hate) every single time. When I forced him to use Colette instead, it sounded weird. Something suddenly changed, and now I don’t like it when I say it out loud either, so it’s out.

We again started talking about a name we had previously liked for years, even before we got pregnant- Marleigh Revere. My husband loves Marleigh and Colette equally, and I used to love it too, but now I’m wracked with anxiety about it. I’m worried people will constantly say “oh, like the dog?”, and we are having trouble with a spelling. I like Marley just ok, my husband likes Marlee (which I hate), so we decided on Marleigh. The problem- I am completely against creative spellings and this feels like one. But this time it’s the most aesthetically pleasing to me for some reason! I’m just afraid it makes the name seem too trendy and people will think it’s stupid.

The biggest problem is now I’m having massive anxiety about what people will think about her name/spelling. I am aware that I’m clinging to the name because it is the only thing I can control about the pregnancy process, but it’s really unlike me to worry so much about other people’s opinions. I’m afraid to tell friends and coworkers the name when they ask what we’re considering, and sometimes when I look at it written out I feel revulsion- I have no idea where this is coming from. I feel like it’s her name though, so when I look for other ones, I just don’t even consider them seriously. We both like Ryan, but again, haven’t even talked about it much because it feels like she already has a name. But sometimes it feels like I’m scared of the name Marleigh! Ugh, I’m such a mess! Is this level of panic and strange feelings about a name normal?

Sometimes I think the perfect name is out there still, but nothing else appeals to me. We like more unisex names, or feminine names with a boyish nickname, and for a boy we love Wyatt and Walker. I don’t know what to do- is this just normal pregnancy-related hormonal issues?! Is the Marleigh spelling too made-up? How do I get over this panic and anxiety and shame about a name that I’m pretty sure is hers?

Sorry this is so long, feel free to cut stuff if you decide to use it on the blog! I really hope you do- I’d love other people’s opinions on this and trust your readership.

I’m going to start by separating into three lists the feelings you’re having about the name Marleigh.

Positive feelings:
• Feel like it’s her name
• Have liked it for years

Neutral feelings:
• Nothing else appeals

Negative feelings:
• “Oh, like the dog?”
• The favorite spelling goes against your usual naming preferences
• Might seem too trendy
• People might think it’s stupid
• Afraid to tell people the name
• Occasional feelings of revulsion at the sight of it
• Panic, anxiety, and shame

I also notice that the name Colette was ruled out because you hated the nickname Coley, which sounds similar to Marleigh.

It’s very normal to worry about what other people will think of the name. I usually mention something we all already know but that can be reassuring anyway, which is that there is no name you can choose that will win universal approval: if you choose something popular, some people will think it’s boring and some people will love it and some people will think it’s weird because they’re not familiar with currently popular names; if you choose something unusual, some people will think it’s weird and some people will love it and some people will still think it’s too popular. But fortunately, no one cares about the name anywhere near as much as the parents do: everyone else will have their brief reactions to the name, and then it’ll drift right out of their minds.

Because of this, my primary concern is what YOU think of the name. It can be hard, however, to separate out your own feelings and reactions from the worried-about feelings and reactions of others. Or at least, it’s hard for me: I get to the point where I can’t tell if I really do have an issue with a name or if I only have an issue with other people maybe having an issue—and this may be what’s happening to you, too.

One option is to tell a few people the name and see how they really do react to it. You could try it with strangers who ask, or you could try it with a few people where it doesn’t matter as much if they hear the name ahead of time (co-workers, casual friends), or you could try it with a few close trusted friends or family members who could give you a better feeling of what the people most important to you would think. If it’s not typical for you to worry about what people think, you may find that getting some actual reactions (positive or negative) helps you get over that hurdle: maybe their reactions will be positive, or maybe you’ll find you don’t mind a negative reaction as much as you’d expect you would. Or you might find that people’s reactions are something to add to your naming preferences (I found that to be the case for me), and it may in fact end up influencing what name you choose.

One thing that concerns me about the name Marleigh is the surname. Is the exclamation point an L? Marleigh Mark!evitz is hard for me to say and repeats the L sound as well as the Mar- sound.

I can’t tell from my end whether the feeling that Marleigh is Her Name (usually a very strong point in a name’s favor) is enough to outweigh the issues such as having feelings of revulsion and shame. Normally I would be very reluctant to start over when there’s a name that feels like it’s already the baby’s name, but it helps that you’ve gone through the same process with the name Colette: it felt like Her Name, and now it doesn’t. I think in this case, I’d suggest re-thinking the name (as in, with one of the possible outcomes being choosing the name Marleigh). One way to do this is to take a break first, a little soothing rest from considering names, and then pretend that there was some reason you couldn’t use the name Marleigh (a friend uses it or something) and you had to start over.

A first baby’s name can cause extra anxiety because you’re also choosing your whole naming PHILOSOPHY. It’s similar with a lot of other first-baby stuff: you can’t just buy diapers, you have to decide on a diapering system; you can’t just buy something for the baby to sleep in, you have to decide on a sleeping plan. I remember the sweet relief of the second baby, and knowing we could just plug him into the systems we set up for the first baby and fine-tune from there.

For girl names, you’re all over the spectrum: you like Colette, which is used only for girls; Marleigh, which is somewhat unisex but used far more often for girls; and Ryan, which is somewhat unisex but used far more often for boys. If you’d like sibling names to coordinate, this is something to think about ahead of time. I find it helpful to mess around a little with sibling sets—not seriously trying to name all the children ahead of time, but more like seeing what feels right when I imagine the group sitting around the dining room table. Do you picture asking Marleigh and Wyatt about their day at school? Or Ryan and Walker? Or Ryan and Colette? If you have two girls, would you mind having one girl with an unmistakably female name and one with a more-likely boy name, or would that not be an issue?

If you’d prefer to avoid alternate spellings, and you have other style-related doubts about the name Marleigh, it may be that it falls into the category of Names We Love That Are Not Right for Our Family. I have a bunch of those: names I love and really really really want other people to use, but names that just don’t work for US for one reason or another. That’s the category that can give me the sorts of conflicted feelings you’re describing: like I really WANT to use the name, but it’s not FITTING.

In which case I might start by looking for names with a similar sound. Maybe it’s just the ending of Marleigh that’s giving you trouble: it’s the source of the spelling concerns, and you didn’t like the sound of Coley either, so perhaps you’d be happier with the name Margo/Margot, or Marlow(e)? The long-O sound reminds me of Colette, too. I have problems pronouncing either of those with Mark!evitz, though.

The name Margaret doesn’t strike me as being quite your style, but on the other hand it does have such great nickname possibilities: Meg, Maggie, Daisy, Maisy, Greta. Again though, I have surname trouble.

Or maybe something like Mara or Amara? Marina? Marin? Maelyn? There’s a Marguerite in one of my kids’ classrooms this year, and I’ve been surprised at how well it works (and how little it made me think of margaritas, which I would have expected to be an issue but hasn’t been). Mara, Amara, and Marguerite give me trouble with the surname, but Marina, Marin, and Maelyn are less of an issue.

Or we could look for more names with the -arl- sound: Carley (though that may have the same issues as Coley), or Charlotte with the nicknames Charlie (sounds like Marleigh) or Lettie (sounds like Colette). Harlow.

Or Ryleigh (Ryan + Marleigh), unless that has the same issues as the name Marleigh.

Or I know you don’t like the spelling Marley as much, but would going with a second-choice spelling eliminate enough of your other concerns to be worth it? That is, if spelling it Marley takes away the creative spelling issue and a big chunk of anxiety over how others might feel about the name, and also fits better with your overall naming preferences, it could be a worthwhile trade.

The name Colette makes me think of Celeste, which is one of my own favorites.

Colette/Cole also makes me think of Magnolia and Nola and Cleo. Or would you like Collins or Holland or Hollis or Ellis? Or Etta or Scarlet or Juliette or Greta or Beckett or Elliott or Britt? Or Henrietta is a fun one with lots of nicknames: Henry, Hennie, Etta, Ettie. Or Fiona, or Josephine with the nickname Jo.

Or would you like Colette again with the nickname Lettie?

 
Name update! Erin writes:

My husband and I really appreciated you posting our question and all the commenters who put time into helping us! I just could never get on board with Marley Mark!evitz so it was out. (Our plan is to use Marley with my last name, Fenne!!, if we have another girl someday.) Two months before she was born, we were down to Reese (suggested by one of the commenters) and Logan, which I heard on another baby girl and loved. We then never discussed it seriously because I was still having trouble committing, and figured we’d be forced to make a decision at the hospital.

The day after she was born, we thought we might prefer Logan, so tried it out that day. By the next morning, we felt it was truly her name and were finally able to complete the birth certificate. We also decided to throw caution to the wind and give her a boyish first name with the ambiguous middle name we loved. Yes, people will probably think she’s a boy just by the name, but it doesn’t bother us and Los Angeles is pretty accepting of anything (we know girls named Hudson, Lennon Gabriel, and Noa, among others!)

Phew, long story short, here is Logan Revere Mark!evitz, born February 17th, 2014!