Abby writes:

Hi! My husband and I have found ourselves in the middle of a baby name dilemma and if I trust anyone for their opinion/advice, it’s you and your readers. We currently have one daughter, Eleanor nn Nora and are expecting twin girls in May (!!) Our last name is two syllables and sounds like Cutler but with a ‘B’.

Before discovering that we were pregnant with twins at 22 weeks, we had tentatively agreed upon Amelia nn Mim for a girl and some combination of August Mack, to be called Mack, for a boy. All names have family significance but I should note that I just love Amelia, and that the nn Mim is actually honoring my husband’s grandmother, Miriam, who answered to Mim most of the time. For some reason, I find Miriam to sound rather harsh and I just can’t get on board.

Our second favorite girl name, collectively, is Magnolia nn Maggie. He is in love with the nn Maggie, and I have a love for Magnolia but would never consider Margaret for the harshness and a negative association I have with an old ‘friend’. So basically our problem is that we are both very happy with Mim and Maggie, but I am happier with the individual names of Amelia and Magnolia (although unsure about them as a twin set) while my husband would gladly use Miriam and Margaret to get the nicknames.

So…. That brings us to a place where we are currently wide open to suggestions. He likes very few names and while I can appreciate the “quality” of his names, they are not my favorite. I am open to many more names, but I had so many names get vetoed with our first daughter, that I’m not even sure what my style is.

His favorites:

-Josephine “Josie” (I don’t like)
-Penelope “Penny” (I actually love but not as much as Amelia or Magnolia and don’t know which it goes with better)
-Miriam “Mim”

​*He doesn’t want both names/nicknames to end in the “ie”/”y” sound.

My favorites:

-Hattie (Although he despises Harriet)
-Clementine (no good nicknames)
-Phoebe
-Louise “Lula”
-Ruby & Stella- each of our top favorites for baby #1, but they feel used to him

Both:

-Amelia
-Magnolia
-Chloe and Harper… we both agree on these names as a twin set, but they seems a bit too trendy for our taste

Names we agreed to for #1 but ultimately didn’t work and we can’t/won’t use now:

-Lucy (although we love)
-Etta
-Perry

Even if not ideal, can Amelia and Magnolia work as sister names? If it’s too ridiculous, what are some suggestions for a compatible twin set? Thank you for your input. Sorry this is so long, feel free to shorten or edit as you see fit if you do post the question!!

If you wouldn’t mind losing the name August for a potential future boy, I suggest Augusta. Eleanor, Amelia, and Augusta; Nora, Mim, and Gussie.

I really like Amelia and Magnolia with the nicknames Mim and Maggie. My main hesitation is the large popularity gap: Amelia was #23 in 2012 and still rising, while Magnolia was not even in the Top 1000. In 2012, there were 7191 new baby girls named Amelia, and 218 named Magnolia: 33 Amelias for every one Magnolia. It’s not even so much the popularity gap as it is the gap PLUS the difference in reactions: the name Amelia is familiar enough to elicit no comment, while the name Magnolia will cause a stir. I have the same hesitation about my suggestion of Augusta.

For Amelia and Magnolia, it helps that the nicknames are swapped: Amelia would have the familiar name with the surprising nickname, while Magnolia would have the surprising name with the familiar nickname. Also, they both have four syllables ending in -lia, with the same emphasis, which should make them seem nicely twinny. And I find I’m very reluctant to remove the favorite name for an issue like this. I guess my inclination would be to see if I could find a second name to go with Amelia, something more similar in style and popularity. With sisters Eleanor/Nora and Amelia/Mim, I think I’d be looking at a list something like this:

Annabel/Annie
Catherine/Kate
Charlotte/Lottie (maybe not with the surname—lot/butt)
Clara/Clare
Grace/Gracie
Julia/Jules
Julianna/Jules/Annie
Lillian/Lily
Lydia/Liddy
Olivia/Livvy/Liv
Violet/Lettie/Vi
Vivian/Vivi/Viv

While I’ve listed a common nickname for each, I’d consider using something less intuitive/well-known in order to coordinate the name with Amelia/Mim—something like Caroline with the nickname Rory, or Sarah with the nickname Sally or Sadie, or Lillian with the nickname Lee, or Grace with the nickname Grey. I’d thought Audrey and Lila and Alice might go well with Amelia but didn’t put them on the list because I couldn’t think of nicknames for them; if we could come up with something like Mim, that might work.

Or I might find some names that don’t usually have nicknames (when I made the list I was specifically looking for names that had nicknames) and pair them up with one—something like the name Hannah with the nickname Nan. Ooo, I kind of like that: Eleanor, Amelia, and Hannah; Nora, Mim, and Nan. I like the twins both have a nickname with three letters and a bookends consonant.

The name Eleanor is fairly common right now: #135 in 2012 and still rising. Penelope at #125 is a very good popularity match, but that still leaves Amelia out a bit—much less so, though, than with Magnolia or Augusta. Eleanor, Amelia, and Penelope; Nora, Mim, and Penny. I like that very much.

Clementine could conceivably be called Minnie; it’s a bit of a stretch, but no more than Mim for Amelia. But again, we’d have one name that is very common and familiar, paired with a name full of whimsy and surprise. I would be more likely to pair Clementine with either Magnolia or Penelope.

I love Phoebe and Louise together. I like their shared long-E sound, and their matching number of syllables and letters. Eleanor, Phoebe, and Louise; Nora, Bee, and Lou.

If you like Hattie and your husband likes Maggie, I wonder if Matilda/Mattie would work.

If Amelia is a definite for one twin, I would be tempted to use it for Baby A, and find a B name for Baby B. Amelia and Beatrix. Amelia and Bianca. Amelia and Bridget. This causes alliteration with the surname, which you may or may not like. Oh, since the surname starts with B, it would be cute to choose a C name for the second twin, to make ABC. …I have such a soft spot for this kind of thing. Amelia and Clara B.; Amelia and Cecily B.; Amelia and Catherine B.

It’s too bad Ruby and Stella are out; I like them a lot together.

Looking at the lists, I thought of the name Genevieve. Eleanor, Penelope, and Genevieve; Nora, Penny, and Evie. Both nicknames then end in the -y sound, which your husband would prefer to avoid. Other nickname options would be Nell or Pip for Penelope, or Genna or Eve for Genevieve.

I find, though, that I keep coming back to this: if you LOVE the name Amelia/Mim, and you LOVE the name Magnolia/Maggie, then those might just be the names; I definitely wouldn’t call the combination ridiculous. My twins’ names are a common/uncommon combination, and it hasn’t been the issue I’d imagined it might be—but then, they’re boy/girl twins, and the boy’s name fits with the other boy names in the family, so perhaps the difference is less noticeable than with two boys or two girls. I’d notice a William and Maverick combination much more quickly than I’d notice Sophia and Maverick.

Well, I just don’t feel like I know. I think at this point I’ve thought about it to the point where I can’t even tell anymore which names go together, so this is one of those times I am particularly grateful to know this is a group effort. What does everyone else think?

Name update! Abby writes:

Thank you swistle & readers for the fantastic feedback on Amelia & Magnolia as a twin set! It reinforced my love of the names , while it opened my husband’s eyes to many more lovely twin combos. We agreed on many sets as the final and ultimate names, just in time to turn around and change our minds the next week or even, sometimes, the very next day!

All along, we were fairly confident that Amelia nn Mim had to be baby A’s name. However the week of their expected date of arrival, there were twin girls born in our small town with one named Amelia. Once we got to the hospital to be induced, we discovered multiple Amelia’s had been born recently which led to our daughters being unnamed for their first 2 days of life. But we needed to make a decision!!

…So we changed it up completely; naming our daughters…
-Ingr!d @dele nn ‘Indie’
&
-0dette Fr@nces nn ‘Etta’

And we are in love!!
Thanks again for all the insight & advice!! It really helped us get into the deeper naming discussions that needed to happen.

Molly writes:

My name is Molly and my husband’s name is Bryan with the last name Bowing, rhymes with mowing. Let me preface this by saying that we were told we would not be able to have children so we started the adoption process and in 2011 we brought home the most beautiful baby girl that we named Truely Mae Bowing. Fast forward three years later and we are expecting a baby boy of our own! We could not be more thrilled/surprised but have already run into issues with a name. I love Truely’s name as it is unique and flows well with her middle name which was the name of both our paternal grandmothers. The only issue is that, since I did not think we would be having any more children, I didn’t plan to have her name work well with a future sibling. Other names that I liked for a girl are:

Georgia
Etta
Aracely
Zirrah-prounounced Zy-Ruh

All the boy names that my husband and I like are traditional and I feel that they don’t work well with our daughter’s name. As an added issue, we live on the border between the US/Mexico and the pronunication of the name will be a huge factor for our child once he starts school. For example, we love the names Levi but here it is pronouned Leh-VEE or Sebastian which is pronounced Sebas-TEE-AHN instead of the sh sound I would use. Middle name for our little man will be most likely be Maxwell as it is his mom’s maiden name. Names we have considered:

Levi-see above
Sebastian-see above
Calvin
Roman-prounounced Row-MAHN here which could be a problem
Grady-don’t like the matching “y” endings this creates

That about rounds it out. The crux of the problem is that I don’t want our son to feel any less special because our daughter’s name is Truely and our son’s is ….Ed, or something like that. We would love your feedback and any help would be greatly appreciated!!!!

I do see what you mean. I’ve been mulling this in the week since you sent it, and here is the question I’ve been specifically mulling: What makes a name special?

Because your daughter’s name is unusual, you might be feeling like a name needs to be unusual to be special. You’re also encountering the difficulty of pairing a word-name with a sibling name, which is its own challenge.

My own answer to the question about what makes a name special is that there can be a LOT of different answers—often within the same sibling group. One child’s name might be special because it was the name the parents agreed on when they were first dating. Another child’s name might be special because it’s an honor name. Another child’s name might be special because of its meaning. Another child’s name might be special because the parents loved it so much. The spin to use with all the children is that you chose the name you liked best. If each child has a roughly equivalent naming story (rather than a long involved full-of-meaning story for one and a shrugged “We just liked it, I guess” for the other), I don’t think anyone is going to feel more/less special.

Your daughter’s name is special for a selection of reasons. If your son is also given a name that is special for a selection of reasons, they don’t need to be the same reasons. I generally prefer sibling names to coordinate, but there are situations where that’s difficult or impossible, and in those situations I shrug and dismiss that particular preference. The explanation that you didn’t realize you’d be naming more than one child is a charming one. Furthermore, it’s common for parents to have a different style in girl names than in boy names, and for a firstborn’s name to be a different style than the sibling names.

If you prefer traditional boy names, I think you should choose a traditional boy name rather than going outside your preferred style just to make his name coordinate with his sister’s. The only name on your list without issues is Calvin, which happens to be my favorite on the list anyway. I think Truely and Calvin go perfectly well together, and True and Cal is a cute nickname combination. With a name you love as his first name and a family surname as his middle name, he’ll have a name that is special to you for its own reasons.

Name update! Molly writes:

I was able to steal away and send out an update on Baby Boy Bowing. I wrote to you about three months ago and asked for help choosing a name to go with our daughter’s, Truely Mae. We are happy to announce that our son made his appearance on May 8th weighing in at 9 lbs. 5 oz. and 21 in. long (Basically the size of our 3 year old lol).

We went to the hospital with two names; Calvin Maxwell and Maxwell Archer. Side note, my husband and I met at a summer camp where we were running the archery station so a big thank you to whoever suggested Archer!! Since we loved both sets of names and would be happy with either we decided to let Truely decide when she met him. After asking her which name she liked best she said “Matswell” because she can’t say her K sounds and we both melted into a puddle and knew our little guy was Maxwell Archer. We love that his middle name has history for us as a couple and is unique enough that we don’t worry about him feeling any less special, name wise, than Truely. Even though I’ve never been a huge nickname person I found that since big sister has a hard time with Maxwell at the moment we have been calling him Wells and I think I might love it even more than his full name. Thank you and your readers so much for all the advice and suggestions!

Christina writes:

My husband Evan and I are due to have our second baby on May 6 (although the doctor has already suggested kicking out the baby as many as 3 weeks early, which would give us a mid-April baby). We have a son, Qui11@n Edw@rd Foster. This time, we are having a little girl. She will be definitely be our last child as I don’t think I can survive another first (two) trimesters of morning sickness.

We really struggled when naming our son, as we wanted something that was reasonably unique, without seeming weird or made up. A few weeks before he was born, we finally settled on Qui11@n (nn Qui11). His middle name, Edw@rd, is my husband’s father’s middle name.

With this baby girl, I’ve pretty much decided that her middle name will be Jane (it is my grandmother’s, my mother’s, my sister’s and my niece’s middle name) to honor my family this time. We are really stuck on a first name. My husband wants something that has about the same popularity as Qui11@n (about 20 in the U.S. a year), without seeming weird or made up. He actually downloaded all of the name data from the social security administration into a graphical plotting program (not just the top names, all the names) and graphs every name that I suggest and throws out anything “too popular”. What I am looking for in a name is something that goes nicely with Qui11@n, works with Jane as a middle name, and has some good nickname possibilities. I love nicknames and will likely come up with something regardless, but something that was more intuitive with the name would be nice. We both kind of like old fashioned and old lady names (me more than him), but I want to be sure that she is cute enough to carry one of these names off.

Names that are on our short list right now:
Linnea (husband’s favorite, but I’m ambivalent about, partly because it is a family name on his side and I feel like we already honored them with my son’s middle name, also because it seems like my husband always gets his way)
Ellery (or perhaps the welsh version Eleri)
Thora (no obvious nn, except Thor?)
Marlowe (maybe not feminine enough)
Rosalind (maybe too romantic for our tastes and I feel like I can’t pronounce this properly, but good nn)
Dahlia (I might call her dolly all the time, which husband doesn’t like)
Mabel (husband doesn’t particularly like, but I love nn possibilities)
Cordelia (probably too romantic for our tastes, but we both like possibility of delia as nn)

Names I like, but have been dismissed by husband (or me) for various reasons:
Agatha (husband says ugh)
Ursula (bad disney villain, but I loved the character in the recent Kate Atkinson book)
Hannah (too popular)
Norah (too popular)
Anna (too popular)
Sabine (loved, until my husband told me that it is pronounced Sa-bean-ah, not Sa-bean)

Another name that I like, but likely won’t use because it is my grandmother’s name, plus it is a bit too alliterative with Foster as a surname:
Flora

Names we talked about using when we thought we might have another boy:
Graeme, Arlo, Cormac

Thanks for your help.

I too would have expected Sabine to be prounced Sa-bean, so I looked it up: your husband is right than in German it is pronounced with an -ah on the end (as well as with more of a Z-sound than an S-sound); however, in English and French it is pronounced Sa-bean. References: The Baby Name Wizard, Inogolo, Forvo. If your family lives in the United States and speaks English, the primary pronunciation for your country/language is Sa-bean; if you were writing to say that you wanted it pronounced Za-bean-ah, I’d be saying that I think that would be a very hard sell here: Anne is not pronounced Anna, for example, and Sabrina is not spelled Sabrine.

I think it’s a mistake to veto names solely on the basis of their popularity. A usage of 20 babies per year goes beyond unusual and lands us in a realm heavily populated by names that are unheard of, or are respellings of more popular spellings. It also sounds to me, reading your letter, like your husband is using popularity to knock out names you like, but not names he likes: Linnea, his favorite, was given to 146 new baby girls in 2012; Lynnea to another 32; Lanaya to another 44.

I do love the name Linnea, and it seems like a great choice. I can’t tell from the letter how much you like it. If it weren’t for it being a family name on your husband’s side and for other husband-annoyance-related issues, how would you feel about the name? Even though I much prefer names to be more balanced family-name-wise (especially if the surname is ALSO coming from his side of the family), I might bend on that for a name you both love and agree on (but then FOR SURE use Jane as the middle, and maybe use your family name as a second middle name, just to drive it home a bit).

Ellery may feel too common to meet your preferences. The name itself is not so common (201 new baby girls named Ellery in 2012), but the El-/Ella- names are so in fashion right now, it makes all of them feel more common than they are.

Thora seems like a great choice: very unusual (21 new baby girls in 2012) and yet familiar and spelled traditionally. One possible nickname is T.J.

Thea would be nice, too.

Because you have Marlowe on your short list for a girl and Arlo on your boy list, I’d be inclined to look at other names with that sound. If Marlowe seems insufficiently feminine, perhaps the spelling Marlo would work better. Or these names come to mind:

Arden
Arwen
Cleo
Darla (similar to Dahlia, but no Dolly)
Garnet
Margo
Marlena
Meadow

If you like Dahlia, I wonder if you’d like Zinnia or Azalea? Both have a Z, which I think is nice with Qui11@n’s Q.

If Cordelia feels too romantic, Delia is also a stand-alone name. Delia Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Delia.

I came to like the name Ursula because of that same book! The Disney villain still ruins it for me, too. Maybe if I knew a little girl named Ursula—but those movies are so enduringly watched and re-watched, decade after decade.

If Norah is too popular, I wonder if you’d like:

Finola
Honora
Isadora
Lenora
Nola
Theodora
Zipporah
Zola
Zora

I think Flora is a wonderful choice. It’s quite alliterative with your surname, but that helps to increase its distinctive/unusual sound with Qui11@n. My main hesitation is that the first syllable of Foster sounds very similar to the first syllable of fauna; “flora and fauna” is a natural pairing and, although benign, it’s not an association I’d want springing automatically to people’s minds. Would Florence work better?

Do you have any family surnames that would work well as a girl’s first name? That’s a way to get a very distinctive name with an easy explanation.

I suggest Harriet. I think it’s the kind of name people can forget to consider. I would have completely neglected to consider it except that a former co-worker of Paul’s had a little girl named Harriet, and also we had a children’s book I liked called Harriet, You’ll Drive Me Wild! Harriet Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Harriet. I like that they both have double letters. Nicknames Ettie and Hattie; I particularly like Hattie. Hattie Jane!

I also suggest Imogen. Imogen Foster; Qui11@n and Imogen. Imogen Jane has a repeating g/j sound that you may or may not like.

I suggest Persephone, because I wish so hard that would get more common (and it has the ers/urs sound of Ursula). Persephone Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Persephone. Nickname Persie/Percy.

I love Philomena. Why is it so uncommon? Philomena Foster has some alliteration, but just a little. Philomena Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Philomena. It seems like it needs a nickname, but I’m only partly inclined toward Phil (and that rhymes with Qui11), and I’m not sure Mena would feel natural. …Perhaps this is why it’s not more common.

Similar to Philomena is Willemina/Wilhelmina. This has the great nickname Willa, though again we’re stepping on the Qui11 nickname here. Qui11 and Willa is either the cutest thing ever or really too close—maybe both.

Another similar one is Philippa. Cute nicknames Pippa or Pip. Philippa Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Philippa; Qui11 and Pippa.

I suggest Minerva. Cute nickname Minnie. Minerva Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Minerva; Qui11 and Minnie.

There’s a Calista in one of my kids’ classrooms this year, and I’ve been surprised at how well it works. She goes by Callie as well as by Calista. Calista Foster has a repeating -st- sound that might or might not be to your tastes. Calista Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Calista; Qui11 and Callie.

A former classmate of mine has a daughter named Emerald, and that’s another one that surprised me with how well it works. She goes by Emmie or Em or Emers, as well as by Emerald. Emerald Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Emerald; Qui11 and Emmie.

Emerald makes me think of Marigold, a name I really love and wish had worked out for my daughter’s middle name. It’s flowery (of course), but seems stronger and less frilly than some of the other flower names—more in league with Dahlia, though with a slug of whimsy. Marigold Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Marigold.

Some of the virtue names are very underused:

Clarity
Constance
Honesty
Temperance
Verity

Paul read Anne of Green Gables to the kids recently, and I was struck by the name Marilla. Only 9 baby girls were given the name in 2012—probably all in tribute to Marilla of Green Gables. It’s a lovely and pleasing and highly unusual choice. Marilla Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Marilla.

I suggest Winifred. Underused despite the great nicknames Winnie and Freddie. Winifred Jane Foster; Qui11@n and Winifred; Qui11 and Winnie.

Louise is one of my favorites from the old-lady-name category, and I think Louise Foster sounds like someone who’s going places and getting things done. Louisa is a little better with Jane. Or would you consider using a double first name such as Jane Louise? Jane Louise [middle] Foster; perhaps your family name could be the second middle name. Qui11@n and Jane Louise.

Name update! Christina writes:

We very much appreciated all of the naming advice from both you and your readers. Leading up to her birth, we finally decided that if her hair was blonde, we would name her Linnea and if her hair was dark, we would name her Ellery/Eleri (we couldn’t initially decide on the spelling). She was born on May 6 with a head full of dark hair.  When she was less than two hours old, she had an episode where she spit up, which caused her to stop breathing.  This landed her a visit to the NICU, where she repeated the behavior at least a dozen times. After a couple days, she finally figured our how to keep breathing after spitting, and a week after her birth, we got to bring home Eleri Jane Foster.  She is a sweet baby and her left dimple has us completely smitten.

Brianne writes:

i’m brianne and my husband is dan and our last name is ott with a -sc in the beginning. we have a daughter named eliza katherine. we are due in july and will not be finding out if we’re having a boy or girl. our boy name is everett (nn rhett). we would like to have four children. we’re having a lot of trouble agreeing on a girl name. i like all your great grandmother’s contemporaries’ names. whereas my husband sent me a list with names he like and it read like a 1980s kindergarten roster. we had no problem naming eliza, it was the only name we agreed upon. we’ve both always loved rhett but decided everett made more sense with our surname. i have people who address me by my surname, even after recognizing i’m female so i’d like to pick obviously male/female first names. dan hasn’t had a significant amount of input for other boy names, but some i still love are below.

other boy names i love: sawyer, calvin, sullivan, theodore

girl names i like: sabrina, tessa, rosalie, vivienne, tabitha, matilda, norah, alice, susanna, joanna, cordelia, louisa, juliette, sylvia

my very favorite girls name is louisa (nn lou, lulu, ouisa).

i love three syllable girl names, usually ending in -a. it just sounds most pleasant to me with our surname.

i want to pose the question of how i can convince my husband to love a name he’s vetoed, but know that would sound terrible (even though it’s honest!). so, instead, dear swistle, please help me think of a compromise name or convince me that i can love another name as much as louisa…but that would make my husband happy (who’d gladly name our child jessica).

thanks!

I love the name Louisa, too! I think it is so pleasing to say. I find it very similar to Eliza, though: ee-LY-zah and loo-EE-zah share a strong Z sound, an L sound, two of their three syllables, and the same rhythm, emphasis, and final syllable. Perhaps, though, you are saying them eh-LY-zah and loo-EE-sah, in which case they are much less similar—and after practicing it a few times aloud, I think I do say eh-ly-zah rather than ee-ly-zah. They still seem very close to me.

One way to convince someone they love a name is to find a tie-in they’d enjoy. For example, Paul is very keen on famous scientists. When I thought of a name I wanted to use for one of our sons, and it happened to be the name of a famous scientist, I presented the name to Paul in that light—rather than saying the truth, which was “There’s someone with this name on the TV show I’m watching.”

Another idea along these same lines is to find a movie or TV show with a really cool/cute female character named Louisa, and have your husband watch it. Don’t remark on the name; just let it sink in over a number of episodes. Then bring up the name again while watching the show, ideally when the character is being particularly cool/cute: “Louisa really is a great name. Are you sure you wouldn’t consider it?”

If he continues to veto it, the quest begins afresh. I recommend not comparing each new candidate to the name Louisa: if Louisa is your top favorite, the quest for a name you like as much as Louisa could be a frustrating or even impossible one. Instead, take the name Louisa out of the picture and see if you can find your new top favorite from the pool of names that remain.

To introduce your husband to names that are both more and less contemporary than the ones on his list, it might be helpful to point out similarities in sound. I’m looking at the Social Security Administration’s list of top names for 1985, and I think Kimberly and Stephanie and Ashley could be compared to Rosalie from your list. Melissa and Alyssa and Ashley could be compared to Alice. Christina could be compared to to Sabrina. Melissa and Amanda could be compared to Matilda. And so on. You could refer to a name as “the current equivalent of Jessica,” for example, or you could say things such as, “Like Sarah and Laura, except the current versions are Clara and Nora.”

Sometimes men who have lists of that sort appreciate a feminine name with a boyish nickname, so you might have luck approaching it from that direction: Alice/Al, Joanna/Jo, Louisa/Lou.

Or sometimes it works to show someone the Social Security name lists so they can see for themselves how things have changed. Point out that names such as Jessica and Ashley are now the Mom Names; have him picture names from your parents’ generation on people your age to give him a feeling for how names can shift with each generation.

A name similar to Louisa is Lucia. It can be pronounced loo-SEE-ah, loo-CHEE-ah, or LOO-sha; in this case, I’m thinking of loo-SEE-ah. Eliza and Lucia. You could still use the nicknames Lu and Lulu, and also Lucy.

Or Lydia; Eliza and Lydia. I like the nickname Liddy/Lyddie.

Josephine doesn’t end in -a, but I still like it with the sibling name and with the surname. Eliza and Josephine. Nicknames Josie, Jo, Phina, Fee.

Or Naomi. Eliza and Naomi.

Or Claudia. Eliza and Claudia.

Name update!

hi swistle!  thanks for all the reader’s advice.  i just couldn’t give up on louisa…and i’m glad i didn’t.  i managed to convince my husband that it’s pretty much a perfect name.  we ended up having a baby girl about a month early – louisa anne.  she’s beautiful and perfect and we’re over the moon!

thanks again!
brianne

B. writes:

I am at an impasse when it comes to naming my 3rd son, due in April. I think I’ve narrowed it down to two names but I just cannot decide.

Our last name is Hammond. Sons are Everett Paschal and Callum George. Both boys’ middle names are family names. I cannot decide on a good middle name for this baby yet either.

I think I’ve narrowed down first name possibilities to Finnian or Lachlan.

Here’s what I like about each. Finnian: has double consonant like the boys, has a common nickname like the boys (Ev and Cal) with a less common full name, an Irish name whereas the boys have germanic and Scottish, my ancestry is Finnish so neat little play on words there. Dislike that it seems very trendy thanks to Glee. Lachlan: much less common in the US, also the connection to Scandinavian culture.

My older son is very partial to Finnian (he’s obsessed with Phineas and Ferb J) and my husband likes Lachlan better (because of popularity). I can’t decide! Is there some other perfect name that I just haven’t considered?

Other names I had considered but crossed off the list: Rory, Sebastian, Archer, Griffin, Fletcher, August, Thaddeus, Finnegan. Girl name would have been Romilly Wynn.

Thank you!!

Name update! B. writes:

I so appreciate all the comments trying to help me decide on baby 3.0’s name. In the end, I just felt like Finnian was off. Something about the sound of it didn’t sit perfectly with me. So, we know have a lovely little, almost one month old, Lachlan William. His middle name is after my father, my husband’s uncle, and various other relatives. :) He already has many nicknames but most often is called Lachie.
Thanks again!

Ursula writes:

I’m pregnant with my second son, due in May, and my husband and I are struggling to agree on a second boy’s name. Our first is named Malcolm, and his last name is $harpe, which we will likely use for the second boy as well (though I am open to using my last name if it is best for aesthetics–it sounds like McDermott). If $harpe is the last name, the middle name will likely be “McDermott.”

For our second, my list of favorites includes:

Simon
Arthur
Julian
Jules
Jude
Solomon
Eamon
Lucian
Evander
Everett
Hugo
Quentin
Errol
Clement
Claude
Lawrence
Peter
Ellis
Walter
Alonso

He has suggested Oliver, August, and Leander, all of which I like. However, I dislike the popularity of Oliver, August is a little bit of a tongue-twister with either last name, and Leander just doesn’t stand out to either of us as “the one.”

Negotiating, we have arrived at the following list that we both have some interest in:

Quentin $harpe
August McDermott, August $harpe
Oliver $harpe
Clement $harpe
Errol $harpe
Claude McDermott, Claude $harpe
Eamon $harpe
Everett $harpe
Lawrence McDermott
Leander $harpe

I think I’m struggling with having lost some of my favorites off the initial list in the negotiation process. It’s hard for me to feel like any of the negotiated list are “the one”—even those I initially suggested. Right now, Quentin and Oliver are rising to the top. I’m curious about your opinion on the options but also whether you have any other ideas that we haven’t considered.

Thanks so much!

Name update! Ursula writes:

We had lots of great responses from readers about our name list for our second baby boy, a brother for our son Malcolm. They gave us a lot to think about. In the end, we went with the one that my husband and I agreed on most solidly: Quentin McT@gg@rt $harpe was born May 6, 2014. He was 7 pounds 7 ounces and nearly 2 weeks early. We love him and his name!

Amie writes:

We are expecting our 3rd (and last) boy the beginning of May. My husband has 3 names he likes and rejects everything else I suggest, his reasons being they remind him of something negative. ( sounds like a person on the FBI most wanted, or a person he once knew ) I am out of ideas and I think I may just name him myself, although I would like my husband to like the name.

My name is Amie and my husband is Rob, our last name is 10 letters and sounds like Guyswhite. Our boys are Landon Martin (mn after my dad) and Nolan Henry. (mn after my father in law and my G-grandfather)

I like names that are not really popular or trendy and don’t want to use a nickname. I am even open to something a little different as long it will go with my boys names.

We have never had a list of girl names. Some of the names we liked with the first two and rejected.

Bennett
Garrett
William
Griffin
Elliot
Brennan (my cousin’s name)
Beckett (My favorite name with Nolan, it was between these two until after he was born )

Names I have suggested this time,

Benson (my first choice, husbands has co worker with this name and he dislikes it)
Duncan (I have this at the top of my list, my husband says it reminds him of Dunkin Donuts)
Holden (bottom of my list)
Vaughn (will this sound like part of our surname?)
Declan (husband dislikes)
Corben
Carney (my mom’s maiden name, if I had a girl I would have used my mom’s middle name Marie)
Davis (only name we agree on)
Colman (husband says like the camping lantern)
Dalton (feels western)
Van (this has been my dad’s suggestion for each of the boys, is this too short?)
Marshall (this is the name my boys want to name their brother, not my favorite)

Names that are unusable/popular, Owen, Ethan, Colin, Conner, Colton,

My husbands list, (he likes more common names that he has heard before)

Gavin (I don’t like this with our last name)
Carson (it is getting popular here, 2 at school right now)
Davis (only name we agree on)

The middle names being considered,

Patrick (both grandmother’s and my middle name)
Carney (mom’s middle name)
James (my dad, already used his mn for Landon)

Another middle name we could use is my grandfather’s name, Gerard Stephen (my mom’s dad, only person named for him is my uncle who is a junior) All the other family names from that side are not really my style, Reginald, Francis (maybe, my G-grandmother was Frances) James and Raymond.

I know we seem to be stuck in the “en” names, but are open to anything. We are really hoping to find a name that feels as good as our boys names, strong, likeable and flow well with our last name.

I hope you and your readers can give us some help.

The first thing I noticed is that the name Nolan contains five of the six letters of Landon, and both names contain -lan-. For a third boy, then, I would be torn between wanting to keep some letters in common for his name as well, and wanting to bring in completely different sounds to avoid confusion. When I considered the name Holden, though, which is more along the lines of the former way (the O, the L, the D, the N), I realized I’d be more inclined to the latter plan: Landon, Nolan, and Holden makes me start scrambling up the names and also forgetting who’s who.

Davis seems like an excellent choice to me. It ties in with the other two names (D-sound as in Landon; five letters as in Nolan; two syllables as in both Landon and Nolan) without adding a third matched ending or too many matching sounds—and it sounds like it’s no small thing that it’s a name the two of you agree on. I find it extremely fun to think of his brothers choosing his name, so if you don’t actively dislike the name Marshall, I think Davis Marshall Guyswhite is a wonderful name and a great whole-family effort. If you’d rather stick with a family middle name, I would definitely lean toward Patrick or Carney or Gerard (or Stephen, but I’m less fond of the way Davis Stephen blends together), since one of your dad’s names has already been used.

Davis also reminds me of Harris, but if he ever went by Harry I wonder if it sounds like “Hairy guys” with your surname.

I would also want to reconsider Beckett, since it was so close to being chosen last time. Beckett Patrick feels a little too crackling with all those -ck- and -t- sounds, and Beckett Carney feels a little too unusual, but Beckett James Guyswhite seems perfect—except it does still bother me to honor the same person a second time, so I think my top choice would be Beckett Stephen, or maybe Beckett Gerard.

Would your husband like Benton any better than Benson? Benton Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Benton. This combination does match the endings, but I think that if that’s the ending you tend to be drawn to, there’s something to be said for GOING for it. And the endings feel more like -don, -lan, and -ton than like -on, -an, and -on, anyway. My favorite would be Benton Marshall, but I also like Benton Patrick and Benton Gerard.

Vaughn and Van do always sound like part of the surname to me, but I think that’s because I’ve never known a Vaughn or Van. If I did know one, I suspect that issue would soon vanish. Still, I might be more inclined to use Vince or Vance: I haven’t known anyone with those names, either, and yet they feel more first-name-like.

Van seems a little short to me, not so much because of the number of letters but because of a combination of that issue with two other issues: the way it can sound like part of a surname, and the way it can look/sound like a type of vehicle and/or a short form of the word minivan. Something about all those things combined make it seem like part of a name, or a nickname for another name, or an abbreviation, or a startling noun name (“Car”). Again, I think this could be entirely because I haven’t known anyone named Van: it shouldn’t be much different than Dan or Jan.

Looking at your husband’s list, the name Gavin makes me think of these possibilities to consider (a few of which contain Van, if that increases their appeal):

Brogan Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Brogan (probably too similar)
Calvin Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Calvin
Darwin Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Darwin
Devan Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Devan
Donovan Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Donovan
Keegan Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Keegan
Sullivan Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Sullivan
Vance Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Vance

The name Carson makes me think of these possibilities:

Anderson Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Anderson
Bryson Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Bryson
Carter Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Carter
Cason Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Cason
Coleson Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Coleson (maybe too similar)
Hudson Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Hudson
Jameson Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Jameson (incorporates James)
Lawson Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Lawson (probably too similar)
Weston Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Weston
Wilson Guyswhite; Landon, Nolan, and Wilson

I’d suggest Greyson and Garrison, because I thought of them with both Gavin and Carson, but I suspect they have the same issue as Gavin Guyswhite.

Name update! Amie writes:

Just wanted to update everyone on the birth of our baby boy. We sure appreciated all the wonderful suggestions we received. We had narrowed the list down to 2 names,the one we both agreed on was Davis and the other was Walker. Davis Gerard was born on May 8th. weighing 7 lbs 10oz.

Emily writes:

My husband and I have talked about what we would name our children for years before we actually decided to have them. Now, we’re pregnant with our first and we are so excited. We both agreed that if it was a boy we will name it August Wade. August after my great grandfather and Wade after my husband’s middle name. If it is a girl, we decided on Finley Diane. Finley because we like it and Diane after my mom’s and my middle name.

Before my grandfather passed away a few years ago, we told him that in the future, if we have a boy, we would love to name him after his father. He was very moved and it was a special moment. About a year later, we were discussing future baby names with my sister-in-law and she mentioned that the only name that she and my brother could agree on is August. At first, we were a little thrown off, since they were there when we told my grandfather our future plans. But, then we decided that we would still go forward with naming our baby August if we had a boy some day.

Another year passed, and my brother and sister-in-law shared the happy news that they were pregnant. A few months later, we found out that they were having a boy. Around this time we found out we were also expecting our first child, but have decided that we would not find out the gender until the baby is born. They have decided to go ahead and name their sweet baby August and my brother checked with me first to see if that would be alright. I told him that would be great, but that we were most likely also naming our baby August.

We don’t live in the same state and will most likely not ever be living in the same state. So, in the event that we do have a boy, our children will only be in the same place for family holidays and vacations. I’m curious if this is something we should do or just except defeat and find a different name. Is this appropriate? In our opinion, it is a family name, so it seems acceptable to pass it down. Also, they will both have a different last name as well.

Any thoughts on the etiquette of cousins with the same name?

I am posting this in part because it is such a happy example of the absolute IDEAL when it comes to duplicate names in a family: everything is clear and upfront, and everyone is staying sane and pleasant. Really, this hit the spot this morning, when I am reading a book with some dreadful behavior in it and was starting to despair for humankind.

Definitely both families might have preferred to have their August be the only one in the family (in this generation, I mean, since the children are being named for another family member named August), but I think the thing to do is put the preferences on a balance scale: which weighs more, your preference that your August be the only one in his generation of your family, or your preference for your favorite name? If your preference to avoid a duplicate does turn out to weigh more, then there is still time to change your mind—or perhaps the baby will be a girl, giving you more time to think it over.

I think this whole thing is going just beautifully. I think both families have good reasons to use the name, and I see nothing wrong with you both using it if you do have a boy; in fact, I think it’s charming to have cousins with the same name, and that it can give them a special bond. I love that the first discussion happened before anyone was pregnant, and that there was a re-visiting of the discussion after both pregnancies occurred, so that everyone can make their final decision based on the knowledge that the name will likely be shared. And the boys will likely have different middle names as well as different last names, so the confusion will be minimal and easy to work around: they can go by August Wade and August ___, or by A.W. and A._., or by whatever other nicknames the family finds. I think the whole plan is great and I want to kiss you all for being so lovely and reasonable.

Name update!

Was reading your blog in preparation for a future kid someday ;) and wanted to send an update on the naming of our baby BOY from your 2/4/14 post. We ended up having a boy and named him Augustus River Wade. He goes by River. Thanks for your help and all of your encouragement for having two cousins with the same name!

Emily

Erin writes:

My husband and I are expecting our 3rd baby (and most likely last) at the end of February and are absolutely stuck for names! We do not have a single name that has survived the list for our baby boy! Our girl list is, of course, running wild!

Our other kids are named Charlie Flynn and Lucy Faye, though she goes Faye, so in some ways we would like a middle name that is a bit different and starts with F, but at this point we just need anything! Our last name is hyphenated (Fleece-Smith) so we not as in to long names or first names that sound like surnames.

Another issues is that we can not use family names of any sort because the families don’t really get along and because it’s our last child, we shouldn’t start now. So names that are out are: William, Owen, Paul, James, Thomas, Alexander and John. Of these we like James, Owen and Paul.

Other names that we have considered and discarded are:
Toby (not strong enough)
Elliott (ditto, though this is one I like a lot)
Ford (I think this may be too cool)
Jack (too popular)
Noah (weak again)
Oliver (ditto)
Henry (too popular)
Luke (and all of it’s permutations: Luca, Lucas, etc–way too popular, there are 3 kids named Luca in my son’s pre-K class of 25)

For a girl we would pick Alice Leigh, Lilly Alice (or reversed), Maia or Penelope (Penny) Jane. Obviously we dropped the ball on the F middle names on these!

Thanks!

Before seeing your list of rejected candidates, I would have suggested Oliver: it’s one of my favorites with Charlie, and both of those names were on our finalist list for our youngest son Henry. I don’t think of it as weak at all—maybe I’d call it gentle, or gentlemanly. But Oliver in the musical is one tough cookie despite being a little sweetie-pie, so I think of the name Oliver as having connotations of courage and strength and perseverance.

Henry would have been my next suggestion, if it weren’t also on the rejected list. It’s at #46 for 2012, but Charlie and Lucy are comparably popular if we take into account the various ways people get to the names (Charlie from Charles and Charlie, Lucy from Lucy and Lucia and Luciana and Lucille and Lucinda).

My third thought was Leo (another from our finalist list for Henry). Leo Fleece-Smith; Charlie, Faye, and Leo.

While I’m at it, let me think—what else was on that finalist list? Alan (family name, and we’d been watching a show with Alan Alda), Milo, and…hm. Funny how I must have gone over that list a million times, yet I can’t remember it now. Charlie, Henry, Oliver, Leo, Alan, Milo, and…. Well, it’ll come to me. (I finally looked it up because it was driving me crazy, and it was Elliot—another from your list!)

Ford seems perfect for the unusual-F-middle name if it works with the chosen first name, since you like it but are worried it’s a little too cool. I like Franklin and Frederick, too. Or Forest, or Felix, or Fox, or Fletcher? Or Fisher is one of the middle names we considered for Henry. (Paul never liked it as much as I did: I’d just read a novel with a very appealing character in it named Fisher.)

For a girl, I love Flora and Florence and Fiona and Felicity and Frances and Fern. Or Faith, or Flossie is vintage and adorable.

If you like Owen, I wonder if you’d like Ian? Ian Fleece-Smith; Charlie, Faye, and Ian.

Is Everett any stronger than Elliot to you? I love it with the sibling names. Everett Fleece-Smith; Charlie, Faye, and Everett.

I like George in this sibling set, too, and it has some of the sound of Ford. George Fleece-Smith; Charlie, Faye, and George.

Or perhaps Calvin? Calvin Fleece-Smith; Charlie, Faye, and Cal.

Or I love Joe with Charlie. Joe Fleece-Smith; Charlie, Faye, and Joe.

Or Malcolm? Malcolm Fleece-Smith; Charlie, Faye, and Malcolm.

Or Isaac: similar in sound to Jack, similar in style to Noah. The nickname Ike would be cute with Charlie. Isaac Fleece-Smith; Charlie, Faye, and Ike.

I wish the name Harvey would get a little more popular: it doesn’t seem very different than Henry to me, in look or in sound or in era. Harvey Fleece-Smith; Charlie, Faye, and Harvey.

Name update! Erin writes:

Hi! We had our baby, he was, and is, a boy! We continued to wrestle with names until the minute we were discharged! My favorite names were Elliot Ford or George Fox, and my husband came out of left field with his new favorite Archer Ford, but he also liked George Fox. So after much negotiating we arrived at George Fox! Thanks to you and your readers and commenters! At least we knew that the middle name would be Ford or Fox!

S. writes:

Our first baby, a boy, is due to arrive any day now and we do not have a name…or even close really. Surname is a four syllable Dutch name ending in hazen sound but we are both English speaking only. My husband’s family typically all have short easy to say and spell names to balance out the surname with no middle names. I love nicknames and middle names. I have convinced him we need a nickname and middle name but he’d still like to keep it really simple.

Here are names we are considering:
Sam Avery
Theo James (can you use Teddy as a nickname in this case?)
Edward Avery (nickname Ted or teddy, husband also likes the option of just calling him ted as the proper

Husband also likes classics like Eric, Alex, Henry. I like jasper.

The other main issue is that I have been calling the baby Georgie since I found out I was pregnant. We kinda ruled out George as an option after the prince was born and husband isn’t a huge fan anyway but I just can’t stop calling him that.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.

I think it would be fun and lovely to use George as a middle name so you can keep calling him Georgie if you want to, especially since your husband doesn’t care much about either a middle name or a nickname. It wouldn’t even need to be a part of his legal name, however; plenty of people still call their children by Fetus Nicknames such as Bean, Peanut, Bear, etc.; Georgie seems like a particularly good one.

I would encourage George as a great short, easy first name, except that your husband isn’t as keen on the name even without the Baby Prince factor. If he’d be willing to reconsider it, though, I think it’s a great choice. The princes Charles, William, and Henry haven’t ruined those names for use, and I don’t think the name George needs to be ruined either.

My top favorite of all the short and easy names is John. I will not be surprised if your eyes have glazed over a bit, because I think John is a name the eyes skip right past in the name book. But say it a few times. Imagine it written on a cute kindergarten drawing, perhaps with a backwards J and N. And think of how few CHILDREN named John you know: depending on your area of the country, it may be pretty much none. In my area, there is almost literally a Jacob in each classroom in one grade (the names are outside the classroom doors, and while waiting for a parent-teacher conference I looked with increasing incredulity at each batch—we must have had a run on them that year), but almost ZERO boys named John. In fact, I asked the kids and none of them have ever had a classmate named John (though there have been a few Jonathans). So! That’s my vote for classic yet surprising, unless you are in an area where three of your friends already have sons named John.

John isn’t great with the middle name George, though. Theo George ____hazen works better. I tend to be on the picky/strict end of the spectrum, nickname-wise, so I wouldn’t use the nickname Ted/Teddy for it—but society at large is less picky/strict than I am, so you’d be in good company if you used it anyway. One thing I wouldn’t like about it is that it adds a second explanation to the name: you’ll already sometimes have “No, just Theo—not short for Theodore,” and adding “We call him Ted—no, short for Theo, not for Theodore or Edward” seems like it counteracts the benefits of going short and simple with the first name.

I wonder if you’d like the name Milo? Or Leo? Both are short and easy. No natural nicknames (Lee, maybe, for Leo), but it’s harder to find nicknames for short and easy names. Perhaps an initials nickname (A.J., etc.), if the middle name works for it? T.J. is cute for Theo James.

It’s tricky to come up with more suggestions without knowing what other sounds are in the surname, but here are a few more nice short first names:

Ben
Dane
Dean
Evan
Ian
Finn
Jack
Jacob/Jake
Karl
Luke
Grant
Max
Owen
Paul
Reid
Wes

I also think you could re-examine longer names, especially if they’re easy ones. For example, Charles/Charlie is longer, but it’s still only two syllables and a very familiar, easy name. Or Samuel is still quite short and simple. Or Benjamin and Jonathan and Christopher and Alexander are all considered long, and yet they’re easy. Theodore doesn’t seem unnecessarily long or difficult to me with a four-syllable surname: it’s long, certainly, but not WEIRDLY long—and only one single syllable longer than Theo.

The winner in my family is my daughter, who has a twelve syllables total in her name; it hasn’t been an issue, even though I fretted about it when we were naming her. Flipping through one of the kids’ yearbooks has considerably rested my mind on this type of issue: TONS of people have names that would have seemed too short/long/alliterative/choppy/difficult in the naming stage, and yet seem completely fine once they’re a done deal. And since nicknames are important to you, I can really see how you’d get stuck. I think your husband’s family may be overcompensating; if you’re having a lot of trouble choosing a name, I’d recommend expanding the field of candidates to include longer (but still easy/simple/familiar) names.

Name update!

Hi there,

I never responded to your blog post and all the great feedback I received on my naming dilemma. And now baby is almost 6 months old but better late than never. We narrowed it down to Sam, Ted or Leo. All short and sweet and all options both my husband and I liked. But then when I was in labour I said to my husband “If I survive this I am naming this baby Georgie” and then as soon as he came out (perfect and healthy) I said Georgie! and instantly fell in love. He was Georgie all along, I should have never second guessed it. His full name is George Leo. I haven’t received a single negative comment about copying the royal baby and my husband totally loves the name now too and says he can’t imagine him as anything else.

Thanks!
Sarah