Hi Swistle!

Just stumbled upon your website and I love it! I am hoping you can help us! My husband and I are expecting our second baby girl in August. Our first baby girl, who will be 2 years old (also in August), is named Audrey June after both of our grandmothers. Our last name is DeJean (the “de” part is pronounced like day and the “jean” part is pronounced like Jeanne – kind of rhymes with pawn). We really like traditional names. We are not into super modern names or alternative spellings. Our list of names we both like is as follows-

Everett (nickname of Evie) Louise as a middle name
Olive
Amelia
Elouise
Beatrice
Colette
Frankie (after my dad who is Frank and would have named a son Frank if he hadn’t had all girls!)

We have had some very strong reactions to the name Everett for a girl- some people love it and others despise it passionately! It was/is our front runner but I am having second thoughts after learning of this! I love Everett for a girl. Something about the -ett ending makes it feminine sounding to me. Its traditional and old fashioned but using it for a girl rather than a boy gives it uniqueness. My husband loves the nickname Evie, although we have noticed how popular it is recently.

I have always loved Olive but am not sure if it’s too “out there.”

My husband is hesitant about Frankie. He thinks it might not be easy for every personality type to pull off.

I’m almost to the point of scratching Amelia off the list because of its popularity and the two A names.

If I could have seen into the future and knew we would be having another girl, I may have saved the name June to use as this baby’s first name. But it’s already been used as Audrey’s middle name so that’s that!

My husband has an interesting family name and if we ever have a boy he will pass that name on. He goes by his middle name- Darr. If we have a boy in the future, he would go by Darr as well. We are planning on having 3 children in total but we will see how number 2 goes first!

Hoping you can help! Let me know if you need any more information! Thank you :)

If this were your first girl and most of the names on your list were names traditionally used for boys, I would say Everett was a great option: the feminine nickname Evie makes it flexible, and the -et ending is familiar in names currently used for girls (Charlotte, Scarlet, Violet). Because this is your second girl, and because your first girl has a traditional girls-only name, and because almost every other girl name on your list is a girls-only name, I’d say Everett is an outlier for your style: you both like it, but it doesn’t fit with everything else you like.

In cases where parents have an outlier name they’d like to use, I generally suggest using it as a middle name, or finding a name that is similar to the outlier name but falls within the parents’ usual style. For the name Everett, this would mean names such as Harriet, Margaret, Evelyn, Scarlett, Violet, Charlotte, Vera, Everly, Vivian, Genevieve, Greta, Ivy, Veronica, etc.

From your list, Eloise (spelled the usual way, even if you are honoring a Louise) is my favorite option, with Beatrice and Colette tied for a very close second.

Because you would like to use the name June, I might look for names that seemed similar to it. “Similar” is very subjective, but to me that means names such as May, Ruth, Lucy, Juliet, Julia, Ruby, Rose. (Normally I would also say Jane and Jean and Joan, but those don’t seem ideal with the surname.)

I share your husband’s hesitations about the name Frankie. I would use Francesca with the nickname Frankie; this gives her options is she turns out not to be the Frankie type. [Ooo, commenter Liz mentioned Frances, and I like that even better.]

Name update:

Thank you all for your thoughtful input! Colette Louise made her debut a few weeks ago and we couldn’t be more in love with both her and her name. Thank you, again!

Hi Swistle,

I’m due with a boy in July. We have a name ready for him already, but I’ve recently realized a potential problem and I was wondering, now that they’re working again, if it might be possible to use your trusty polling to help figure out if this potential problem is something I should worry about or not.

I’m actually surprised I hadn’t needed to write to you sooner because my husband and I were pretty far apart when it came to naming styles. Like many husbands, mine was partial to the names he grew up with in the 1970s and 1980s (particularly the girls he had crushes on – what is up with that?!). For a girl, he would be very happy to use the name Jennifer. (Me? Not so much.) We were able to find a name for this child in the end but literally only one. (This is not a “take options to the hospital” situation.) The only name we’ve agreed on is Maxwell (nn Max). I think it’s great. My husband thinks it’s great. We’re both happy. So what’s the problem?

I know Max is on the more popular side these days, though I’m not aware of any in my group of friends with kids. Still, I know there is a potential for him to not be the only Max in class. And our last name begins with C. So he may be Max C. I was in the shower the other day when I suddenly realized that Max C sounds like “maxi”. So now I’m concerned about “maxi pad” teasing. So my question is this: Does the potential for “maxi pad” teasing make the name unusable? Or, rather, would it stop you or your readers from using the name? I don’t want to saddle my child with something he’ll hate. Of course, being pregnant and hormonal means I could be blowing this out of proportion, so I’d love the feedback. If we need to go back to the drawing board, we need all the time we can get!

Thanks!
Hettie

If there is literally only one name you and your husband can agree on, then our task is to see if we can eliminate/avoid any problems with it, not to rule it out for something that may or may not be a problem.

For it to be a problem, ALL of these things would have to happen:

1. He would have to be in a classroom with more than one Max.
2. There would have to be only one possible solution: to call him Max C.
3. “Max C.” would have to sound like “maxi” to other people.
4. “Maxi” would have to make those people think of “maxi pad.”
5. Those people would have to choose to use that as a taunting nickname.

ALL OF THOSE THINGS would have to happen together. When even the first thing on the list is something that may never happen—and if it did, the second thing on the list is not true.

My kids have periodically been in classrooms where more than one kid has the same name. There have been VARIOUS solutions to this, and I believe it is always determined via discussion. That is, so far I don’t believe any of the teachers have said, “Right. So I will call YOU this, and YOU that.” Instead it is “How shall we handle this?” Sometimes the solution is Madison L. and Madison H. Sometimes the solution is Madison and Maddy. Sometimes the solution is Maddy Jane and Maddy Rose. Sometimes the solution is Madison Elridge and Madison Arthur. Sometimes the solution is Maddy and MJ.

Even if your Max is in a classroom with another Max, AND even if Max C. would lead everyone immediately to call him Maxi Pad, ruining his childhood—EVEN SO, there are so many options that avoid this path. He could go by Maxwell while the other Max goes by Max, or he could go by Maxwell C., or by M.C., or by Wells, or by his first and middle names, or by his first and middle initials, or by his first name and middle initial.

I will put up a poll. I am concerned, however, that this will bring us to the phenomenon where a hundred people can say a name is great, but it’s hard to ignore the one person who says “Bleah.” Or where an author/actor/screenwriter can get a hundred glowing reviews, but it’s the one negative one that sticks with them. I could put up a poll for ANY ISSUE IN THE WORLD, even an issue where you would think NO ONE would vote that it was a problem (“Does the name Emily make you think of strippers?”) and SOMEONE would vote that it was a problem. Still, if a poll would help, I will put up a poll:

[yop_poll id=”67″]

Name update:

Hi Swistle! You posted my question back in May. I’d held off sending an update because I felt as though “and we named him Max” would be the most boring update ever. I wondered if I should wait until he’d been through elementary school and let you know if he ever had to be referred to as Max C and the implications of that. But that seemed a little extreme. So instead I will tell you that we did name him Maxwell (nn Max) (probably not a surprise) and that your comments and those of your readers helped me feel MUCH better about choosing it. But I also have to tell you that I hadn’t been as excited about the name as I’d hoped I’d be (maybe because we came to it so early and had no other real contenders; I’m not sure), which was compounded by the fact that we were hearing the name Max a bunch after he was born (around in public places but also by a friend who had her baby a month later and also used Maxwell). But I was rocking him in the middle of the night the other night and the words “baby Max” went through my head. At that moment, a warm feeling came over me and I realized it was about the name. It took a while, but now I totally love it. (I still prefer that people not call him Maxi though. Ha!) Thanks again, Hettie

Hello! I know you are probably inundated with requests, but… I have been twirling this issue around in my own mind until I’m about going crazy, and I wondered if a another perspective or two would be helpful. Your recent post about how to honor an Adolf and what naming practices are actually honorific made me think of writing to you.

I’m due with a baby girl in July. I have always liked the name Charlotte, but when it zoomed up the charts I totally crossed it off my personal list. Logically I know that popularity isn’t what it used to be, and that no name (even the #1 name) is going to be like Jennifer in its heyday. But still, I admit to feeling a bit superior to people who use names in the top ten, as though they were lacking in imagination or something.

Until. I was talking to my grandmother the other day about names and casually mentioned Charlotte (actually more as a red herring than anything, since I didn’t feel like sharing names I was seriously considering). She responded that it had been the favorite name of my great-grandfather as it had been his own mother’s name. I guess he loved it enough that he even used to offer each of his children/grandchildren $50 to name their daughters Charlotte! (There were no takers; there are no Charlottes even in my very large extended family.) Now, this great-grandpa was very important to me and lived with our family from when I was 14 until 17. I loved him dearly and have wanted to honor him in my one of my children’s name in some way (although his name of Loy Frank left me puzzled of the best way to do that, since “Loy” and “Frank” were not my favorite options).

So, now I’m feeling much more torn. I feel like giving my baby the name Charlotte might honor a man whom I loved very much by giving her his favorite name, plus it’s a family name since it belonged to his mother. It’s a name I like anyway (probably because it’s the great-great-grandmother’s name, rather than anything less distant!). And I kind of love the story that he offered to give his posterity $50 to use it. However, I’m not sure how much of an honor name that it would actually be – it’s his favorite name, not his own name after all.

So I suppose my question is this – do you feel like using a favorite name is enough of an honor that it would override popularity concerns? Does the fact that he essentially campaigned for the name to be used by his posterity make it more honorific? I feel like if the situation had been that it was my beloved great-grandmother named Charlotte herself, rather than my beloved great-grandfather whose favorite name was Charlotte, there would be no question that popularity would be over-riden. However, is the “honor” of a favorite name great enough to override the consideration of popularity? I am especially curious since Charlotte, while a classic, has certainly been “spikey” (for lack of a better term) recently and could easily head to #1. I am unsure if that name will tie her to a time period in a way that another classic, but less “spikey,” name would do. I know I could move it to the middle spot and that would solve the popularity problem, but that feels to me like it removes the honor in this situation since his wish was clearly to have one of his own posterity use that name as the first name, not the middle.

I would love to hear any ideas you may have. My husband doesn’t get interested in thinking about names until a few weeks before birth, so he’s not really any help and I’m kind of going crazy trying to consider it all on my own. For what it’s worth, her older brothers are Colton David and Graham Jacob; their firsts are names we loved, their middles are after my husband Dave and my maiden name of Jacobs (I ditched the “s” to avoid having him sound like a law firm with three surname-names). I’d love any thoughts you have! Thanks!

My usual test is to ask “Does this name make you think of the honoree?” My guess, just reading your letter, is that from now on, every time you hear the name Charlotte, you are going to think of that story about your great-grandfather, whether or not you use the name yourself. So my short answer is yes, in this case I think it works as an honor name, and since you liked it ANYWAY, I think this could give you that last little shove.

I think the story of your great-grandfather offering money to his descendants makes a great naming story. Many of us are not close to our great-grandparents, but you were, and this seems like a fun way to remember him, especially since you are not keen on his actual names. Plus, it was his mother’s name. I think I would tell the story roughly as it happened: “We loved the name Charlotte but felt it might be too popular to use. Then I found out this family story, and that was enough to push us into using it.”

But you may find as you think about it over the next few months that it’s NOT enough to give you that last little shove. You’re right about the name’s recent popularity (it was #10 in 2014; within the next few days we should be finding out from the Social Security Administration how the name was ranked in 2015) [follow-up: #9 in 2015], and that may continue to bother you even with this added reason to overlook it. Or you may find you like the other names on your list more, and that they meet more of your preferences.

As you know, I am not especially keen on messing too much with honor names for my own use. But I don’t mind playing around a bit with other people’s options. For example, Francesca Loy would be a pretty cute name: uncommon, great nicknames including Frank and Frankie. Colton, Graham, and Francesca.

I think Loy in general makes a workable middle name. Possibly not one we might choose out of a baby name book on its own merits, but a definite honor name, and one that appeals to me as a middle name with many girl names. Margaret Loy. Carrigan Loy. Fiona Loy. Audra Loy. Piper Loy. Delaney Loy. Ruby Loy. Miranda Loy. Harriet Loy. Eleanor Loy.

Name update:

Hello! I emailed you a few months ago about whether using someone’s favorite name would be considered an honor name. Our baby girl was born a few days ago and a day after she was born we finally settled on her name. After all that time I spent worried about picking a name that was too popular, it’s kind of funny to me that both the names we gave her are in the top 50: Charlotte Ella. I loved Charlotte and it is meaningful enough to me that I wanted to give her that name despite its popularity, and Ella is her daddy’s favorite name that he really wanted to use. Thank you to you and your readers for reassuring me that hopefully she will find her name meaningful, as I do, rather than trendy. In the end, we both got to use our favorites and we love her name. We plan on calling her Charlotte sometimes and Lottie sometimes, and we feel it suits her perfectly. Thanks again!

Dear Swistle,

We are expecting our third (and last) child, a girl, in early July. We have two other girls who are older (there will be a 4 and 5 year gap) and about a year apart. They are Annabel Quinn and Lucy Colleen. Last name is Stuart spelled the other way.

With our first we quickly agreed on Annabel during pregnancy, and with #2 I was so sure that we were having a boy that I didn’t worry about girl names (baby boy would have been Asher, my husband’s pick, all three times). When #2 came I didn’t have time to stress and obsess over a name but I remember looking at her and being so certain that she was not a “Lila” (our top girl pick) but 100% a Lucy. The name suits her so perfectly it feels like a miracle that I was able to pick it out just minutes after giving birth. No name on our list feels like “the one” and I’m afraid #3 and whatever miracle happened with Lucy will not happen and I won’t know what her name should be.

This pregnancy also represents the first time we’ve found out the sex ahead of time. With this being our last baby I only wanted to imagine what he or she was and not imagine both possibilities for 9 months. However, coming up with another girl name has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I also think my anxiety about the natural imbalance of having three children is coming out in our naming process. I don’t want 2 names to have one trait that the other doesn’t have and thus someone is “left out”. (As if I can fix all future sibling problems by just picking the right name.) While I understand this is (a bit) irrational I’m afraid my crazy pregnant brain is making this choice carry way more weight than it should but I can’t seem to make myself stop overanalyzing. (Note, my husband has zero of these concerns and is mostly saying yes or no to my name ideas while letting me spin my wheels on all the implications of each name).

With all of that said, I am trying not to have too many “rules” about this name. The two most important are:

1) Can’t end with “s” sound because the sound gets lost with our last name.

2) Must be a new initial. No “A” or “L” names.

This is not a rule but I would prefer that the name also have a distinct sound from the two we’ve already named (especially the ending). This is hardest with Lucy as a lot of names I like end in Y.

To make things even more difficult we want the middle name to be Emily or Lee (All the middles are honor names and while I prefer Emily because that was her name, she was called Lee by everyone and my husband doesn’t care between the two). This middle has been somewhat difficult to work with. One name I love, Ivy, sounds awkward with Emily and Lee (Ivy Lee makes me think of Ivy League).

 

Names I love that husband has vetoed:

Violet – My favorite. This would be THE name but my husband hates it.
Tessa
Isla
Cora (Nora is also off the table as it is the name of a close cousin of the girls)
Mila
Matilda
Celia

 

Names my husband loves that I have vetoed:

Felicity

 

Names on our list:

Rosemary (Lee) – I worry that this is too old or too much of a name. (And Lucy’s name would seem so short in comparison to the other two names). We would use Rose but it sounds like Ro Stuart. This name is my husband’s favorite. She would probably be called Rosie.

Eliza (Emily/Lee) – Sometimes I love this name and sometimes I’m not sure because with the long E it feels a little hard to say. I love the spunkyness and the character history (Eliza Bennett, Eliza Doolittle).

Hazel (Emily) – I love the sound and that it goes well with Emily. I am not afraid of popularity but I don’t want something trendy and I think that comes with quick rises and falls of names. I am afraid this name is rising too fast (apparently due to a popular book).

Poppy – not sure if this works with Emily or Lee. Don’t love that it ends in Y like Lucy. Love that it reminds me of my home state of California. It’s very rare in the US and that worries me a little. Although my husband likes the name a lot he jokes that it sounds like “Papi”.

Emily as a first name – Again, I am not afraid of popularity but it seems like if there was going to be something close to a “Jennifer” of the last few decades this would be it. I am not sure if that would drive me (or this child) crazy. We know a lot of Emily’s.

Names ending in “A” seem to work best and it seems like there should be a lot of them and yet I swear I have looked at them all and nothing stands out. Perhaps I need to be pointed in the direction of names I’ve already seen but have overlooked or perhaps I just need reassurance that the list we already have is full of great names and my concerns are silly. This process is making me neurotic and I really want an objective third party opinion. Please help a crazy pregnant lady out.

—

Rebecca

I know just what you mean about pregnancy-based over-analyzing, as I am/was a similar type. And so I don’t expect my words to carry much weight here, because I remember how words such as these bounced off of me when I was in your shoes. But I will say them anyway: most of the “two names share a trait, so the third name would be left out” concerns just VANISH after the baby is named. For example, three of my boys have the same number of syllables in their names; the fourth has a different number of syllables. This made me feel batty during pregnancy, but thinking about it at this point I had to think carefully about which name it was that was different, and why was it different: it hasn’t crossed my mind since, except as an example of how things that matter very much during the naming process can turn out to matter very little later on. Nor has this child come to me and said, “Mother, the number of syllables in my name makes me feel different from my brothers. Did you…love me less?”

I do think it’s nice, when possible, to avoid STARTLING differences. For example, if you went for Annabel and Lucy for your first two daughters and then wanted to name your third daughter Christopher, I would caution you to take sibling-name coordination into consideration for the sake of everyone involved. But if we are talking about two names ending in the same letter or starting with the same letter or having the same number of syllables, my experience (and current lack of pregnancy) has left me mercifully relaxed.

One exercise I’ve found useful is to think about other sibling groups I know, and consider whether I’ve ever noticed similar issues. For example, let’s say a friend of yours has kids named Aidan, Emerson, and Alex, and you’ve never noticed until now that two are A names and one is not, or that two are -n names and one is not, or that two are 2-syllable names and one is not. If you HAVE noticed, and always DO notice, then I take back what I said about pregnancy hormones and I think we should really work hard to find a name that is equally different from the other two.

Well. In any case, you will find me more than willing to play name-puzzle games: I may be in favor of letting such things go, but they’re still FUN. That is, as long as they ARE still fun: when they start getting stressful, let’s stop. For now, we are looking for a name that does not start with A or L, does not end in -s or -l or -y, does not seem a lot longer or shorter than Annabel or Lucy, does not share dominant sounds with Annabel or Lucy, and goes well with the middle name Emily or Lee. First let’s consider the names on your list.

1. Rosemary. Annabel, Lucy, and Rosemary. I think these go together just fine, and that the name Rosemary is neither too old nor too much. I am not worried about Lucy having a shorter name, particularly if Rosemary will go by Rosie. One thing you could say is that Annabel and Rosemary are both longer names, and Lucy and Rosemary both end in -y. Play UP the similarities, instead of playing them down.

2. Eliza. Annabel, Lucy, and Eliza. One of my own top favorite names, so I am rooting for this one. I love it with the sister names; I love it with your surname. It meets every single preference. If you said, “Swistle, please choose the name for the baby,” this is the name I would choose.

3. Hazel. Annabel, Lucy, and Hazel. I think this another good grouping, but I am still dazzled by Eliza. Also, this would give you two -el names (I don’t think this matters, but it does if we are solving this like a puzzle).

4. Poppy. Annabel, Lucy, and Poppy.  Poppy feels lightweight to me. I wish it were the nickname for something weightier. Maybe Philippa?

5. Emily. Annabel, Lucy, and Emily. I love the name Emily, but/and I see the issue you mention of it being quite popular for quite a long time. It doesn’t feel dated to me, but it does feel like it has lost some freshness.

6. Ivy. Annabel, Lucy, and Ivy. It’s not officially on the list, but I’m putting it there in case it belongs there. I think Ivy Emily is pretty fun to say. I agree it wouldn’t be my first pick on sound/rhythm alone, but considering how important it is to use Emily/Lee, I think it works perfectly well enough to use, and not in a displeasing way at all. And I love Ivy with Annabel and Lucy.

Now let’s add to the list.

1. Eloise. I think of this name when I see the name Eliza, because the sounds are so similar. Eloise Stuart; Annabel, Lucy, and Eloise.

2. Daisy. This came to mind after seeing Rosemary, Hazel, Eliza, Violet, and Poppy: the Z sound of the first three, the nature sound of all but Eliza. It does end in -Y, but I don’t think of that as a problem except for the purposes of playing this like a game. Daisy Stuart; Annabel, Lucy, and Daisy.

3. Flora. Another nature-theme possibility, similar to Cora. Flora Stuart; Annabel, Lucy, and Flora.

4. Clara. I just love it with the surname and the sibling names, and it meets all the preferences. Clara Stuart; Annabel, Lucy, and Clara.

5. Fiona. Another I love with the surname and sibling names, and it meets all the preferences. Fiona Stuart; Annabel, Lucy, and Fiona.

6. Pearl. Pearl Stuart; Annabel, Lucy, and Pearl. Ends in -l, but the -rl blend makes it seem quite different than Annabel’s -el. I like the descending number of syllables: 3, 2, 1.

7. Georgia. Georgia Stuart; Annabel, Lucy, and Georgia. I heard this name on a little girl at the mall and was practically knocked over by how adorable it was.

8. Simone. Simone Stuart; Annabel, Lucy, and Simone. I don’t know why; I just thought of it and liked it.

Name update:

Hi Swistle!

After reading your response and the many comments we pretty much went into labor with Rose (yes just Rose) and Eliza as the solid frontrunners!  I liked the simplicity of Rose vs. Rosemary and the comments overwhelming said they thought it would be fine with our last name.  When we met her she was such a peanut (smaller than our other two), and the name Rose just seemed to suit her best.  So Rose Emily, called Rosie it is.

The feedback provided was so valuable in clearing my head.  Eliza was and still is my favorite name but just didn’t seem like the right name for her.  Rose was my husbands clear favorite and I don’t mind at all that we ended with his favorite over mine.  Thank you again!

~Rebecca, Aaron, Annabel, Lucy & Rose

Hello, dear Swistle.

I’ve written to you previously—you posted my a question about my daughter’s name on your blog (Baby Naming Issue: How Will the Royal Engagement Affect the Name Kate?) and you helped with my son’s name back when you were doing private name consultations.

I’ve been eagerly anticipating writing to you again, since my husband and I were joyfully expecting baby #3 in September. I planned to write to you last week after we found out the baby’s sex, but when we went in for our anatomy scan the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. We are devastated, and it’s very important to us to still name this baby. In the shock and chaos of finding out that the baby had died and then being rushed into having a D&E that night, I never asked if the baby was a boy or a girl. We sent chromosome testing, though, so I anticipate knowing the baby’s sex in a couple of weeks.

I’m finding that I have a very different set of criteria for naming this baby now that he or she is no longer living, since, much as it pains me to admit this to myself, the name will not be used often outside of our family. For example, I’m not very concerned about coordinating the name with siblings (who are Emeline Anne and Samuel Albert) or the flow of the name with our last name.

We are set if the baby is a boy. We will name him Theodore James, and refer to him as Teddy. Theodore was on our list before the baby died, but my husband and I didn’t agree on using Theo vs. Teddy as a nickname. We both really love Teddy for a little baby, though. We also love that Theodore means “gift from God”, since we still feel this baby is a gift to our family, short though his or her life may have been.

We are stuck on a girl’s name. Before the baby died, the only girl names we actually agreed upon were Kate (in my mind short for Katherine, although that was a point of disagreement) and Grace. (I’d been lobbying for Margaret or Amelia, but hadn’t gotten very far.) The middle name was to be Eleanor to honor my grandmother. I find myself feeling very, very torn about using these names—especially Eleanor. I think it’s likely we’ll try to have another baby, and part of me wants to save the names. But then that thought always makes me cry, because it’s a very real acknowledgement that, in time, this baby will not be a part of our every day lives. Plus, even if we have another baby, it could easily be a boy. (I’m not worried about “saving” boy names since my husband and I have a long list of boy names that we both love, whereas we always struggle to agree on girl names.)

My husband and I both adore the name Violet, but I’ve always hesitated to use it because to my ear it sounds a lot like “violent”. I’ve been in considerable distress over consenting to a D&E instead of waiting to have a natural miscarriage, so I don’t want to use a name that makes me free associate to the word violent.

The only new name that we’ve seriously considered this week is Lucy. We both love the name, but my husband doesn’t like any of the longer forms, like Lucia or Lucille. I’d rejected the name before the baby died because I didn’t like that Emeline (whom we often call Emmy) would have a longer, more formal name while her sister did not, plus Lucy is a little singsongy with our last name. (Which, Emmy is too, but I’m okay with that since it’s a nickname.) Since the baby was miscarried, those concerns are gone, and the name is back on the list.

I’ve also thought about using Eleanor as a first name. We ruled it out when the baby was living since Ellie is my favorite nickname for Eleanor, but some people call me that. I don’t feel like we necessarily need a nickname for this baby’s name, though. The plus side of using Eleanor is that my grandmother is in her mid-90’s and mentally sharp, so this gives us the chance to use the honor name while she is still alive and aware of it. I *think* she would find it special and meaningful to have the baby named after her even though the baby died, but I suppose it gets into a little bit of a dicey situation. I also don’t love repeating Emmy’s initial, although I could get over that.

If you have any suggestions about girl names with special meanings, like how Theodore means “gift from God”, we are very open to ideas. Or, if you have any other thoughts about the special considerations of naming a miscarried baby, I would be interested to know that, too.

Love, Ellen

I am so sorry. This is a sad and important task.

I wonder if you would like to use Theodora/Theadora, Dorothea, or Dorothy for a girl. They have the same meaning as Theodore. As a child, I had Theodora/Theadora on my list of Most Awesome Names Ever, because that was the era of “short boyish nicknames for long feminine names” (Samantha/Sam, Francesca/Frank, Winifred/Fred, etc.). I like the idea of calling the baby Teddy either way (which would also let you start referring to the baby by name immediately), or I like the idea of using Teddy for a boy or Dolly/Dottie/Thea/Dorrie for a girl.

I am not sure about using your grandmother’s name Eleanor. I’m going back and forth on it a little. I feel the urge to save it, and I feel the sadness of that; I like the idea of your grandmother having the chance to hear of a namesake while she is alive, and I feel the sadness of that, too. And I see the diceyness of the whole thing. I think if it were me, I would end up saving the name Eleanor, but I would be very uncertain.

I like the idea of using Katherine and calling her Kate/Katie; it feels pleasingly similar to Theodore/Teddy. I have the urge to save names (as I do with the name Eleanor), but I wonder if some names will feel too much as if they belonged to this pregnancy/child, and might not feel usable later on. This would vary from person to person; I’m not sure how I would feel. In general, I think I am favor of “Use the name that feels right NOW, and let the future worry about itself.” But this is from the person who just said she’d probably save Eleanor.

I think Lucy is another excellent choice.

For boys, more names that mean “gift from God”/”God has given”:

Jonathan
Matthew
Nathan
Nathaniel
Zebediah

That meaning is less common for girl names; some names that mean “adored”/”beloved”/”dear one”:

Cara
Carina
Carissa
Caro
Carys
Cordelia
Suki

Name update:

Dear Swistle,

Thank you for posting my question about naming my miscarried baby. Sending the question was important to me since I had written to you for my other two babies; it felt like a tangible way of saying this baby was just as loved and wanted as those babies. So, your kind and thoughtful response meant a lot to me on more than one level. I really loved all of your ideas. And your commenters are just lovely, aren’t they? I read each one and cried over the kindness and support they offered. I also so appreciated their suggestions for the baby’s name.

We got chromosome results today and our baby was a girl. Her name is Lucy Eleanor.

I called my grandma yesterday and talked to her about using Eleanor. She said she would be deeply honored to have this baby named after her, and I decided that I wanted to make sure I got to use her name. If I don’t use it now, who knows if I’ll ever get to use it? But it was a tough, tough call.

My almost 5 year old daughter is furious that we’re not naming her sister Starflower, but my husband and I feel happy with the name we chose. (I did offer Emmy the option of using Starflower as a second middle name for Lucy, but anything less than first name placement is unacceptable, apparently.) Thank you again.

Love, Ellen

Hi Swistle! I’m so excited to finally be able to write in with a question of my own!

We’re due in August with a baby girl, our first. My husband and I are on the same page when it comes to name styles, which is amazing and I’m super grateful for it, especially after reading this blog for so many years :)

The trouble I’m having is with our last name, which sounds like “Lee.” So many adorable girl names don’t work with Lee – either they run into the last name and end up sounding like the baby has just a first name (eg Emma Lee = Emily; Cora Lee = Coralie) or there is too much duplication in sounds (eg Emily Lee, Ella Lee, Holly Lee, etc).

The particular name in question at the moment though is “Eva.” It’s one of my husband’s top contenders (and I really like it as well!), and people we’ve mentioned it to have also gotten excited and urged us to use it. But I’m worried about the full name: does “Eva Lee” sound like “evilly”?? I think it totally does, and that it’s problematic to saddle a child with such a negative association.

My husband claims no one would say it in such a run-on fashion to make the association, and I realize we could give her a middle name that we like to use when saying her full name, like “Eva Katherine Lee” or something, but I certainly hardly ever use my full name when introducing myself or filling out paperwork. It also depends on pronunciation (EE-vah vs. EHH-vah) but again, I wouldn’t be able to control how people throughout her life choose to pronounce it every time.

So I’d love to get your opinion & that of your readers: am I being an oversensitive pregnant lady and too hung up on having my baby’s name sound super negative, or is this a combo you’d stay away from as well?

Thanks!
Alice

You know what, I have been so upset for so long about that poll plug-in I was using, the one that lost all the poll results for all the posts—but there comes a time where you just have to go back to what sometimes works and other times leads to crushing despair. Because this question DEMANDS a poll. It DEMANDS it. And so back we go, into the polling fray.

First I will say what I think, which is that it sounds enough like the word evilly that I believe I would be prevented from using it. I would be sorry, I would be sad, but in the end it crosses my own line.

HOWEVER. I do not feel as strictly about nicknames. If you named her, say, Evalina, and called her Eva, it bothers me MUCH MUCH LESS. For one thing, at times when you need to say the first and last names together (doctor’s office, classroom, etc.), it will generally be said with the full first name. For another thing, if the problem turns out to be TOO problematic (it can be difficult to predict ahead of time), the nickname can be dropped as a solution.

Now for the poll. It’s been awhile, so I will remind everyone that the polls NEVER have enough answers to fit everyone’s exact answer. NEVER. If they did, there would be a 1000-option poll with one vote each for the 1000 different options, and that would be of very little help. Instead, we narrow the options to get a more helpful result, and use the comments section for clarifying answers further. Also, I am a bit rusty about polls, so this one may be PARTICULARLY poor with option choices. It may take a bit of warm-up before we are back into this completely.

[yop_poll id=”63″]

Name update:

Apologies for the delayed update! It was a hard choice, because I am still totally in love with the name Eva, but I decided I couldn’t handle a lifetime of second-guessing myself on the “evilly” front… so in August we welcomed miss Juliette Elizabeth:

Hi Swistle,
We are three sisters, Anna (oldest), Lucy (me) and Kate (youngest).
We all love the name Sylvie for our babies! My due date is end of March. Anna’s due date is next week! Kate is due at the end of March too. None of us know the gender.

Anna has two kids already, Isabelle James Love and Henry James Love.
James is a family name so the name would be Sylvie James. For a boy, she has chosen Felix James. Anna thinks she has rights to the name as she is the oldest and is having her daughter/son first. She is insistent that Sylvie will be her name and that none of us are to use it. She likes classic names with nicknames. She calls Isabelle, Izzy/Belle and Henry, Harry/Hank.

I have one little girl, Etta Rose Carmichael. Now I think that Sylvie and Etta sounds like sisters! I think the name is perfect for me and I really, really wish my sisters would back off. I would love some help to pick a name for a little boy too. I have no clue this pregnancy for names! Some names I’ve thought about are, Lila, Lena, Emilie, May, June, Elsie, Constance, Lula, Jasper, Leo, James, Barney, Noah, Archie, Arlo, Milo, Harmon,August, Miles, Hugh, Forrest, Silas and Benjamin. I don’t really want two E names though.

Kate has no children but likes the names: Jocelyn, Lyla, Laney, Destiny, Annie, Gwendolyn, Piper, Leilani, Victoria and Thea as well as Sylvie. But Kate definitely thinks that Sylvie is her name. She refuses to even see the possibility of her not having a Sylvie. She wants her Sylvie to be Sylvie Belle Cobain which upset Anna because Belle is part of Isabelle’s name. She would also like help with a boy’s name although the middle name will be Braden.

So, Swistle please, please help us three sisters who are at war over Sylvie!
But here’s the interesting bit-we’ve decided that whatever combo Swistle picks for us will be the one we use! Swistle, you’re in charge.
Lucy, Anna and Kate xo

Here is Swistle’s decree: all of you may use the name. I mean it. All of you. In fact, I hope you DO all have girls and DO all use the name Sylvie, because there are already so many coincidences here it seems like the only way to wrap it up. Three sisters, all due in the same month, none know the sex, number of kids goes in age order (Anna 3, Lucy 2, Kate 1), all want the same unusual girl name? The ending I can’t help but root for is the one where we end up with three adorable same-age cousins, all named Sylvie. I’m picturing hearing that story from an acquaintance, and I would LOVE it. And since all three have different middles/surnames, that makes it easy for telling them apart within the family.

If the three of you are in agreement that only one of you can use the name Sylvie, I disagree that Anna has dibs because she’s the eldest, but I’d agree with the idea that the first of you to give birth to a girl has the right to use the name. Unless there is something else not included in the letter (such as a reason why one of you might have a greater claim to the name than the others), I think that’s the only fair way to decide: the name Sylvie belongs to the first baby girl born. It’s a little puzzling that neither Anna nor Lucy has used it yet, since each has had a girl, but I will assume there is an explanation that isn’t mentioned in the letter.

If the three of you are not in agreement on whether the name can only be used by one sister, then I suggest that the ones who don’t want duplication be the ones to voluntarily back out. It is an absolutely fine and reasonable preference to want one’s child’s name not to be duplicated within one’s immediate social circle. This can be achieved by saying, “Hey, guys, these are some of our finalists—do any of you want to use any of these? No? Are you SURE? Because we don’t want duplication. Okay, so you’re fine with me calling dibs? Great!” It should not be achieved by grabbing up names and saying “MINE! MINE! I CALL DIBS! NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE THEM, EVEN IF YOU ALSO THOUGHT OF THESE NAMES YOURSELF!” To put it another way: if you want names no one else will use, choose the names no one else wants, rather than banning everyone else’s use of all the names you want. If for example Anna and Lucy both say that only one sister can use the name Sylvie, but Kate feels all of the sisters should be able to use it, then Anna and Lucy should find names the other sisters don’t want to use, and Kate can use the name Sylvie.

I see no reason Kate’s daughter can’t have the middle name Belle, even if Anna’s daughter Isabelle is called Belle. That seems like a sweet tie between cousins. If it is truly upsetting to Anna for any of the cousins to share any part of any of their names, and if Anna is the only one who feels that only one sister can use the name Sylvie, I’d suggest this deal: Lucy and Kate agree that they can both use the name Sylvie, no matter who has a girl this time around; Kate agrees not to use Belle as the middle name; Anna agrees not to use Sylvie; Lucy and Kate agree not to use the name Anna uses instead.

Another option is to agree that none of you will use the name. This is painful, but may be worth it to preserve peace among sisters. Sometimes this is the only solution for two parents who are both clinging to their own favorite name: both have to abandon their first choices, and come up with something else they can agree on.

For Anna, I’d suggest a name that is more in line with her usual preferences, but perhaps we could find something with a nice V sound like Sylvie: Olivia (Livvy), Vivian (Vivi), Evelyn (Evvie, Lynnie), Genevieve (Genna, Evie). Or Sophie is very similar to Sylvie, and more on par with the popularity of Isabelle. Isabelle and Sophia; Izzy and Sophie. Or if she wouldn’t want to save Felix for a future boy, she could use Felicity if this baby is a girl.

For Lucy, my favorites are Lena, May, and June from the girl name list, and Archie, Arlo (though I find it difficult to say with the surname), Hugh, and Silas from the boy name list. For girls I’d add Flora, Josie, Louise, Olive, Ruby, Sadie, Sybil, Thea, Willa.

For Kate, the field is still wide open. The list of other names she likes is so varied in popularity and style, I’d suggest starting by thinking in terms of future sibling groups, to see if she can get a better feeling for her overall preferences. Does she see herself with more of a Gwendolyn and Victoria family? or more of a Destiny and Piper family? or more of a Laney and Annie family? or more of a Lyla and Thea family? Or is she more of the Happy Assortment philosophy, and will want a mix of styles? And her boy name list might look completely different: it’s common for parents to like one style for girls and another style for boys. Is she more the William/Henry/Charlie style, or the Braden/Caden/Hayden style, or the Hunter/Carter/Mason style, or the Ezekiel/Moses/Ezra style, or the Jett/Maverick/Arrow style, and so on and so on.

I do hope, though, that none of you have to give up your favorite and look for another name. Whether that happens by all of you having girls named Sylvie, or by all of you having nothing but boys from now on, or by only one of you having a girl this time and the other two no longer wanting to use the name Sylvie, I hope the story has a good ending—and that you will tell it to us, no matter how many years go by before you know how it turns out!

Name update the first!

Hi Swistle,

Important news, and answers to your questions!

1) Neither of us used Sylvie beforehand because when Anna was pregnant with Isabelle, she had a close friend named Sylvie who no longer lives in the same country. At the time, for her, it would have felt weird to name her baby Sylvie. She doesn’t like sharing names and it’s one of the reasons she was so protective over Sylvie! For me, my husband and I came up with Etta Rose at an early stage in the pregnancy and loved it too much to even think of another name.

2) Kate and I have both agreed to look at other names. At the moment, I’m liking Ruby May, Louise June, Lena Sylvie, Vera Constance, Lula June, Celia May and Lila Sylvie. Kate has thanked you for your suggestions and likes Thea Belle, Seth Braden, Asher Braden, Lyra Elizabeth, Savannah Belle, Savannah Kate and Oliver Braden. So, we do have some other names to look at and tension has died down a bit. We also are considering the idea of naming the babies Sylvie and calling them by nicknames.

3) Felix James Love was born early this morning and is DIVINE! Anna would like to thank you for your advice and has said that she will be keeping Sylvia and Sophia in mind for future babies… The tension has definitely diffused by Anna having a son as we’ve begun to realise that there is a possibility of all three us having sons. We’re calling him Lucky and Fox at the minute as some cute nicknames but he is more than definitely a Felix. Felix is 7 pounds and is 19.2 inches. Isabelle and Henry adore baby brother Felix and Anna is tired out but happy :)

4) Please continue being AMAZING and sending your fabulous comments. Kate and I are still battling over Sylvie. Perhaps we will end up with two Sylvie’s going by Syl and Liv. It depends. We see each other on a regular basis and kids will go to the same school to those asking. I will admit to backing down a little bit because I feel like as it is Kate’s first child she should get to use the name she uses. But I would still use Sylvie as a middle name.

Anna, Lucy and Kate xo

Name update the second and third!

Hey Swistle,
I’m Kate the third sister and I’m writing to you this time as Lucy is just a little bit busy at the moment!
With two kids, she’s struggling to find time! I’m happy to announce that I have a beautiful new niece named Sylvie Lena Carmichael. Sylvie Lena is adorable! Sylvie is 6 pounds and 18.8 inches. She is happy and healthy although quite little. SO proud of Lucy for my two beautiful nieces Etta and Sylvie.
On to other news, I gave birth to a beautiful little girl last night. She is the prettiest little thing. I am in love with her and being a first time mother is AMAZING!
Her name is Sylvie Piper Cobain. Yep, we both used Sylvie! We plan on calling them Sylvie Piper and Sylvie Lena when they are around each other as well as using nickname Syl for Sylvie Piper and Vee for Sylvie Lena. Despite me really wanting Sylvie Belle, my husband adores Sylvie Piper and I do too. Baby Syl is 8 pounds and 18.9 inches so Vee is the smallest baby of the three.
I know that a lot of people doubted the credibility of our rocky name journey but believe me, this whole craziness is real! We are all so happy to not be hormonal, crying, super pregnant wrecks any more!

Our husbands, (Anna=Joe, Lucy=Drew Kate=Ezekiel) would like to thank you for helping us learn that cousins can have the same name!
So, a big, big, big THANK YOU from Kate, Lucy, Anna, Felix, Sylvie Lena and Sylvie Piper!
Anna, Lucy and Kate xo

Hi Swistle,

My husband Ryan and I are expecting our first child, a baby girl, in late June 2016. We got married August 29th, 2015 and apparently got pregnant just a few short weeks later!

Our last name is Ofsthun (off-stune), so I love the idea of having a name that starts and ends with a vowel, to flow into our last name that starts with an O. I was really hoping at some point to find a super cute name that starts with an O (I like alliteration), but the only contender is Olivia – which we do like, but due to it’s upcoming popularity… probably won’t go with. I also have some on the list that only end with a vowel… (apparently I also like names that start with M’s or H’s among the majority that start with a vowel.)

Here is a list of contenders I compiled over the past few weeks, and then Ryan went through on my iPhone and “thumbed” them up or down based on what he likes. Isla was an early front-runner… but it’s currently at #5 popularity on Nameberry and I don’t want to name our daughter a name that a ton of girls in her school, class, sports team, etc. are also going to have. Granted it helps we already have a unique/uncommon last name… I still would like to be somewhat original on the first name. I also have been favoring Harper… but Ryan only knows men that are named Harper… so he associates that as a boys name and doesn’t like it (we aren’t trying to go gender neutral either).

Anyway.. would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions to help out with this process!

Aria 👍🏼
Aurora 👎🏼
Alina 👍🏼
Ayla / Aila / Aylah 👍🏼
Eleanor / elinor / Ellanor / Ellanoir 👎🏼
Ella 👍🏼
Elsa 👎🏼
Eliana 👍🏼
Ellery 👎🏼
Emery 👎🏼
Everly 👎🏼
Eliora 👎🏼
Embry 👎🏼
Elora 👎🏼
Isla / Eila 👍🏼
Isadora (Izzy) 👎🏼
Olivia 👍🏼
Oakley 👎🏼
Elizabeth-Izzy 👎🏼
Cosette or Cozette 👎🏼
Delilah 👎🏼
Maya 👍🏼👍🏼
Jaelyn 👍🏼
Rue 👎🏼
Blaise 👎🏼
Harper 👎🏼
Hadley 👍🏼
Harlow 👎🏼
Willow 👎🏼
Nora 👎🏼
Mazie 👍🏼
Mackenzie 👍🏼
Makenna. 👍🏼
Micaela/Micayla/Mikayla 👍🏼

Thank you! Let me know if you have any questions.

In case the thumbs-up/down symbols won’t come through for some readers, I’m going to make two lists:

Thumbs up:
Aria
Alina
Ayla / Aila / Aylah
Ella
Eliana
Isla / Eila
Olivia
Maya
Jaelyn
Hadley
Mazie
Mackenzie
Makenna
Micaela / Micayla / Mikayla

Thumbs down:
Aurora
Eleanor / Elinor / Ellanor / Ellanoir
Elsa
Ellery
Emery
Everly
Eliora
Embry
Elora
Isadora (Izzy)
Oakley
Elizabeth (Izzy)
Cosette or Cozette
Delilah
Rue
Blaise
Harper
Harlow
Willow
Nora

I notice that on the thumbs-down list we have most of the -or- and -ar- and long-O sounds. On the thumbs-up list we have most of the -ay- and -na and -la and M- and long-A and -ak-/-ik- sounds.

I believe the Nameberry site ranks names by interest/searches, not by usage. A name can excite a lot of interest and attention without that resulting in a high level of usage. Case in point: I saw articles last year saying that Katniss was one of the most popular girl names of 2014. Well. I mean, maybe it was one of the most popular SEARCHES, but it was used for only 38 new baby girls that year. Compare that to Emma, the actual most popular name of 2014, which was used for over 20,000 new baby girls. This is why for name popularity, my favorite site is the Social Security Administration, which shows only actual usage.

The Social Security Administration shows the name Isla IS gaining in popularity (though nowhere near #5):

(image from SSA.gov)

There were 2,122 new baby girls named Isla in 2014. However, there were 19,674 new baby girls named Olivia; 9,564 named Harper; 6,271 named Maya/Mya. The usage of Makenna and Mackenzie and Makayla is harder to figure out: there are so many spellings of each. Just to give an idea, here are the numbers only the spellings used for at least 500 baby girls in 2014:

Makayla 2,559
Mikayla 1,026
Michaela 654
Mikaela 530

Mackenzie 4,122
Mckenzie 2,303
Makenzie 1,766

Mckenna 1,388
Makenna 1,138

Another issue is that Makayla/Mackenzie/Mckenna peaked in the late 1990s and early 2000s: their popularity appears lower now, but there are so many Makaylas, Mackenzies, and McKennas already in the schools.

I seem to have gotten distracted by the data base, in my effort to throw support behind the name Isla. One reason is that almost all of the names on the thumbs-up list are either quite popular, or are getting there, or were recently there. It looks to me as if in general your husband prefers popular names. Without looking up the popularity for all the spellings, my guess is that Alina is the most uncommon name on the list, and I do think that would be a very nice option. Alina Ofsthun. I thought of suggesting Olina/Olena, but that spelling is making me think of product names.

Melina is pretty—sort of a combination of the Makayla/Mackenzie/Makenna group and the Alina/Eliana group. Melina Ofsthun.

Or Annika. Annika Ofsthun.

Or Nadia. Nadia Ofsthun.

I wonder if you would like the name Oriana. I went to school with a girl named Oriana, pronounced or-ree-AH-nuh. Oriana Ofsthun.

I wonder if your husband would like Juniper better than Harper. It has the sweet nickname Junie, and the U sound would be nicely alliterative with your surname.

Name update!

We ended up going with Isla as it was always the front runner and Swistlers confirmed my thoughts.  Went from Martha to June for the middle name though since she was born in June and to honor my great grandmother who was named June. And it has a great ring to it Isla (eye-la) June Ofsthun (off-stune).

Dear Swistle,

I’m Hillary, my husband is Shawn, our son is a 4-year-old Tiny Dictator named Grady, and we’re expecting Lady Baby in May. Our last name (I gave up my maiden name) sounds like more-ANNE but is consistently pronounced incorrectly as MORE-an (this is important later). This will be our last child.

Grady’s full name is Grady Shawn more-ANNE. Shawn’s family has a longstanding tradition of giving the first son his father’s name as his middle name and while I don’t love the tradition, I felt less strongly about breaking the tradition than Shawn felt about keeping the tradition. Grady’s first name was a name I had come across and didn’t initially love. Shawn loved it from day one and it came down to Grady or Max (the name I felt most bonded to). In the end, I was able to get on board with Grady because I found significance (Willie Nelson’s guitar player’s name is Grady, my dad introduced us to Willie Nelson music when we were kids and some of my favourite memories are of us ripping down the highway on the way to the lake singing “On the Road Again”) and I have no regrets. Grady is Grady and it’s made me a little more relaxed on this name search because I realize that in most cases, there isn’t going to be one magical, perfect name out there; the little person makes the name perfect. With that being said, I feel like I should get a bit more of a say in this baby’s name as Grady’s first was influenced by Shawn’s love for the name, his middle name is Shawn’s name, and the kids’ last name is Shawn’s surname.

There is not much overlap in our naming preferences. I’m drawn to old-timey, sweet and sassy names while Shawn’s suggestions have included names I think of as being very 80s or 90s (Jillian, Kennedy, etc.) or just totally out there in Sci-Fi Fantasy world.

We’ve managed to pull together a short list of possibilities and I thought we had a definite frontrunner, until my husband met a woman with the same name last week and she ruined it for him. Our list (in no particular order because I’m still holding out hope that my husband will forget about the awful woman and fall in love with my frontrunner and I don’t want to sway your opinion with my strong preference):
Scarlet
Holly
Mabel
Edith
Belle
Evelyn
Cora (my grandma’s name, I love it, Shawn is quite fond of it, it sounds terrible with our last name especially when you consider how people frequently mispronounce it).

I love but my husband has vetoed:
Ruby
Violet
Clover
Beatrice
Birdie
Marigold
Georgia
Margaret
Olive
Stella (we wasted this on the dog who I know will not be around forever, and in fact now lives with my mother-in-law, but it seems to upset Grady to think of his baby sister as Stella so we haven’t spent too much time considering it)
Greta (love this name but it feels too similar to Grady)
Grace (ditto)

My husband loves but I have vetoed:
Many Game of Thrones names
Penelope (I like the style but I had only read the name, not heard it, until I was a teenager so it will always be pronounced “Peen-uh-lope” to me.)
Luna
Annika
Astrid (Michael Scott and the Office have ruined this name for me forever)

Grady insists his sister’s name be one of the following:
Light Bolt
Beautiful Cake
Ginger
Rosie

Obviously he is not getting a true vote but I’m willing to include him in the process because it’s hilarious.

I have many naming preferences but I wouldn’t call any of them deal breakers:
– 2-syllable name followed by 1-syllable middle
– No hard G names
– Not easily nickname-able
– Alliteration does not bother me (I think it may actually appeal to me) but I don’t love rhyme-y names
– No top 100 names (for reference, we live in British Columbia, Canada http://www.vs.gov.bc.ca/babynames/baby2014.html)
– I’d prefer to stay away from A names (there will be 7 cousins all born in the space of 5 years and so far 3 are A names and 2 are unnamed)
– I love quirky middle names

My questions :

What other first names would you suggest based on our list of possibilities? I feel like there’s a name I’m missing. I love my frontrunner but I’m willing to accept that there’s a better name out there, I just don’t think it’s currently on our list.

What quirky, one-syllable name would you suggest with our list of possibilities? Maybe having a fun and quirky middle name decided would cement the first name choice for me. My current favourite middle name is Bloom but this will be a hard sell for Shawn. Further complicating the middle name decision is Grady’s honour name. Shawn wants to choose a middle name from my family so the lady baby has an honour name too, which I understand but don’t feel beholden to. My mom’s middle name is Ruth; my mom is lovely and worthy of honour name status; Ruth is 1-syllable which checks my box…but it feels like we’re just throwing it in there because it fits. Is a fun, quirky, and meaningful middle name as significant as a family name?

Thank you for any advice, suggestions, comments you and/or your lovely commenters can provide!

Hillary

I would love, love, love to see your first name as this baby’s middle name. Obviously this will depend on many factors. But I would love it, and so I am putting in my vote for that if it works out.

I’d take the family-name-versus-fun-and-quirky-name decision on a name-by-name basis. That is, if you choose a first name that has some quirk appeal, a lovely family name such as Ruth (or Hillary!) might seem like the better choice; whereas if you choose a first name that is on the solid/traditional side, a quirky middle name can make the entire name more delightful (Margaret Marigold, for example).

I think too that Ginger and Rosie might make great middle names, depending on the first name.

I’m so sad that Cora doesn’t go well with the surname. It makes me want to redo your family surname situation: your husband and Grady can have HIS surname, you and Cora can have YOURS. Well. It doesn’t have the bonus of being an honor name, but Cora makes me think of Clara. Clara Hillary Moreanne, Clara Ginger Moreanne, Clara Rosie Moreanne.

I think also Cora could be added to the middle name list: it bothers me so much less if a middle name has issues combined with the surname.

I’m hoping the commenters can come up with some good quirky one-syllable middle names. I find I have two mostly-non-overlapping categories: one-syllable names, and quirky names. For sassy/one-syllable, I like names such as Jo, Jean, Jane, Sue, Lou, Eve, Mae, Kay. For quirky, I like names such as Marigold, Clover, Primrose, Penelope, Clarity, Valentine, Emerald, Hermione.  In the overlap: Fern, Jude, Spring, Bee.

If I were looking at your list of finalists and considering them with your surname and with the sibling name and with your preferences (I don’t know why I said “If I were,” since that’s precisely what I AM IN FACT doing), I would put them in this order, from strongest to weakest candidate:

Mabel
Holly
Edith
Scarlet
Evelyn
Belle
Cora

Some of those in the middle (Edith, Scarlet), I kept rearranging, so this list isn’t solid—but at first pass Evelyn and Belle feel too common, Cora feels like it’s out because of the surname, and Mabel and Holly would be my own top two for you, with Mabel taking a strong lead.

You wouldn’t want to consider Maxine, would you? Sassy as a hat, and it ties into your first choice of Max from last time. Maxine Hillary Moreanne. Maxine Rosie Moreanne. Maxine Cora Moreanne.

I find I am drawn to Mabel Maxine Moreanne or Mabel Margaret Moreanne. They give me a happy feeling. Sassy without being lightweight, alliterative without being silly, and a fun and distinctive monogram. Grady and Mabel. You know what, I just feel like I want to call it: the baby’s name is Mabel. I won’t push, but Mabel. MABEL. I also like Mabel Ginger, Mabel Grace, Mabel Jo, Mabel Louise, Mabel Sue.

I wonder if you’d like Polly instead of Holly. Polly Moreanne; Grady and Polly.

Or Ivy. Ivy Moreanne; Grady and Ivy.

Marigold and Edith make me think of Meredith. Meredith Moreanne; Grady and Meredith.

I would like to see more of the name Esther. Esther Moreanne; Grady and Esther.

Name update!

Dear Swistle,

Thank you so much for your help (and the help of your readers!)

Our baby naming situation changed slightly after I wrote to you, in that the name Evelyn became the only name Shawn could see our daughter having (in the same way that Mabel was the only name I could picture giving to her). We ended up in this frustrating cycle of trying to have a baby name discussion and only suggesting our top name, over and over. Finally, in a fit of “What Would Swistle Do?” desperation, we both decided to forfeit our top names. Evelyn and Mabel were off the table. Initially I was a little disappointed to lose Mabel but I ended up being surprised by how not devastating it was to give up my favourite name.

Before tackling the Baby Name Wizard again (which seemed like a daunting task at a million weeks pregnant), we decided to seriously consider every name (apart from Evelyn and Mabel) on our “maybe” list. I kept coming back to the name Penelope. My reasons for not liking it (having pronounced it “Peen-uh-lope” as a child, feeling like “Penelope” could be my baby but “Penny” definitely wasn’t, wanting to avoid easily nickname-able names) become non-issues when I discovered that Poppy is a nickname for Penelope. Poppy is a name I love but hadn’t included on my maybe list because it seemed a bit too whimsical as a first name. I could picture a baby Poppy but not a brain surgeon Poppy. Penelope became the perfect solution. I’ve got my baby Poppy and she can chose to use Penelope in the future if she wants (and she may chose to use Penny but that’s fine too – I have nothing against the name Penny, I just couldn’t picture my baby being Penny). And since Poppy is already a nickname for Penelope, we avoid the issue of people giving her a nickname (it turns out I don’t dislike nicknames in general, what I dislike is other people giving my kids nicknames).

As for the middle name, I tried to make an honour name work but it felt forced. I didn’t want to use Hillary as a middle name (I like middle names that are short and snappy). I considered using my middle name (Dawn) or part of my maiden name (West) or even Eve as a play on my middle name. But in the end, we used Bloom. It checks off a lot of my middle name preferences (short, one-syllable, quirky) and it’s a noun that holds a lot of meaning for me. It’s an honour name without honouring a specific person and if in the future she asks why her brother is named after their dad and her middle name is just a weird word, I have a heart story to tell her that will hopefully satisfy her curiosity (or maybe she won’t care – who knows?).

So, without further ado, please let me introduce Penelope Bloom.

Thank you again for your help!
Hillary

Dear Swistle,

I feel like a crazy person. It’s 6 am and I have been awake for 2 hours (as has happened so many times this pregnancy) trying to find a name for our third baby due, like, yesterday. Thankfully, my first two babies were each over a week late. Since we’ve been discussing baby names nonstop and still don’t have one, I’m hoping this little one follows suit to grant us more time.

Any chance you could help us out? At this point, I would just name the baby whatever name you chose. I defer to you…and promise to send an update promptly.

Our trouble is this: I want to find a name that is compatible with our other kids’ names (first names: Esmé & Oliver, middle names: Monroe & Louie). I also would like a name that has even just a bit of a story since we found both Esmé & Oliver’s names organically from books while I was pregnant with them. The story behind the name doesn’t have to be great or terribly significant, but I’ve found our children really like knowing where we got their names and seeing the books from which they came. Is this a reasonable desire? Admittedly, it’s really complicating our name search. (Hey! Maybe this baby’s story can be that a sweet name-savvy stranger on the internet helped pick his/her name? How about it?! ; ).

In a perfect world, this baby’s name would start with a vowel but would have unique initials. I’m not holding on tight to this criterion, though.

The middle names will be after family members – Alba for a girl, Gordon for a boy. Our other children don’t have honour names for middles, so perhaps this baby could lack a story for their first name, but could be unique in being named after a family member?

My husband is stuck on a few names:
Louisa, Odette, or Mathilde for a girl/Anders for a boy. I like the names enough, but none seems quite right.
First of all, I don’t have “stories” for any of the names.
I’m not sure I’m keen on the sound of Louisa Alba. Also, is it feminine enough to pair with Esmé?
I don’t mind Mathilde, but is it too leaden a name next to the airier-sounding Esmé? Also, the nickname Matty seems inevitable and we know so many who go by Maddy.
I think Esmé & Odette sound compatible, but I’m not sure about Odette with the sibling group. Also, I read on several sites that Odette is the new hipster “it name” for girls…and it means this baby and our son sharing a first initial. What’s your take on Odette?
I love the name Anders and like it with our other kids’ names. I get hung up on two points: 1) I don’t like the nickname Andy AT ALL because of a negative association, but I can’t come up with another nickname. 2) I worry about introducing our kids and saying, “These are our children…Esmé, Oliver, and Anders.” It sounds almost like a joke.
My name picks are:

Adelaide from Johanna Spyri’s book Heidi (I would use the German Adelheid as it appears in the book, but I think it sounds too clunky with our older daughter’s name). We’ve read the novel, storybook, seen the movie, and the cartoon series many, many times. Our children have been obsessed with Heidi for months and nearly all their pretend games revolve around the characters and plot-lines from this book. It seems like a sweet story to tell this new little one (and our kids would be elated). My qualms with Adelaide are as follows:

I’ve read it’s about to become really popular as parents are drawn to the ‘Addie’ nicknames, but are looking for less common names.
We know so many Addie/Maddies and would rather avoid the Addie nickname (though Adelaide does provide a lot of alternatives – Ada, Adel, Dela, etc).
I’m not sure it fits with our other kid’s names. Is it too long/frilly a pairing with Esmé?
My husband is willing to consider it, but it’s not his absolute favourite.

Lucienne
No vowel, no story. But I think it sounds good with Esmé & Oliver and with the middle name, Alba. It’s feminine, but not frilly, which is usually the kind of girl’s name we’re drawn to. I like the nickname Lucie a whole lot (especially since we sometimes call our older children Esy and Ollie).
There are other girls names I have liked (though none have a story), but that my husband has vetoed: Ivy, Avis, Adele, Inès, Imogen.

Abel, for a boy. This name is “it” for me, but my husband thinks it sounds weak (I think it’s because he’s solely thinking of the fratricide from the Bible). We recently read Abel’s Island with our kids (because I remembered that my mother had read it to me when I was little). Abel starts with a vowel, has a story, sounds good with Gordon, I love the nickname Abe. I just can’t get my husband on board.

Can you please help us, Swistle? Are there any uncommon (preferably vowel-names) out there that we’ve overlooked that would sound good with our other kids’ names? Do any of the names on our lists jump out at you as being great in the sibling set? Should I let go of wanting this child to have a reason for his or her name, other than that his parents liked it? And how on earth do we find a solution to each having what we think is the perfect boy’s name?

We would so appreciate your help!

Kind regards,

Michelle

 

While I admit I thrill at the idea of being given full naming power, I will not hold you to that.

I do think “getting help on a baby name site” gives a good story. Let’s put a checkmark by that box. Perhaps we will end up with even more of a story than that, but it’s an excellent start.

I also like your idea of checking that box by having a story about the MIDDLE name. And I do think that “because his or her parents liked it” is a good enough story—especially if the older siblings participated. So no matter what, I feel we’re covered here.

I suggest abandoning the vowel quest. It is interesting to me how VERY MANY letters we get where a family has two children with vowel names and wants a third, non-duplicate-initial vowel name. Vowel names don’t catch my eye as a naming pattern, and there are so MANY A- and E- names, and so relatively few I-, O-, and U- names, that it seems to me an unnecessarily difficult task. Furthermore, it never feels to me like a task I can assist with, if the parents have already looked in the name book under A-, I-, and U-.

If I were you, I think I would feel even more strongly about having another name from a book than about having a vowel name. Time is short, but I wonder if it would help to go to the children’s section of a library or book store and start speed-reading? Or even better, think back to characters from your own childhood books, or from the books your children love now. If I do this myself just for a minute or two, I get:

Alice
Almanzo
Anne
Anthea
Benjamin
Charles Wallace
Charlie
Christopher
Edmund
Eliza
Elizabeth
Fern
Genevieve
George
Henrietta
Jane
Jasper
Josephine
Laura
Lucy
Margaret
Marilla
Omri
Phoebe
Polly

(I read fewer books about boys, it appears.)

Author names would be good, too.

I do very much like the name Louisa, and for me it has an immediate literary tie-in to Louisa May Alcott. If you too loved Little Women as a girl, I think we are home free. I think Louisa Alba works just fine, and that Louisa is feminine enough with Esmé.

Mathilde doesn’t seem too heavy to me with Esmé, though I see what you mean. I suggest a nickname such as Tilly, Tildy, or Hildy to avoid Matty/Maddy, and also to lighten the name overall. The literary tie-in could be Matilda by Roald Dahl, if you’ve read it and liked it.

Odette comes down to which preference is more important to you: the preference for a vowel name, or the preference for unique initials.

Adelaide doesn’t seem too heavy to me either (I wonder if it’s the D-sound that feels heavy to you?), or too frilly. The overwhelming usage of Addy names does make me less drawn to it. Would you consider using Heidi? Esmé, Oliver, and Heidi. It’s not what I’d call a perfect style match, but it doesn’t feel like a clash, either, and I am considerably charmed by the story tie-in.

Anders is the miracle name: it has the happy combination of unique initial AND vowel, and you and your husband both love it, and you like it with your other kids’ names. I don’t think it NEEDS a nickname, if you want to remove that strike: I wouldn’t be at all tempted to call an Anders “Andy.” I see what you mean about “and Anders,” but that seems like a minor concern: either you would change the order of the names (“These are our children: Anders, Oliver, and Esmé”), or you would change the phrasing (“These are our children: this is Esmé, this is Oliver, and this is Anders”).

So Anders is my boy-name choice for you. For girls, I vote for Heidi, Louisa, or Matilda. I do also like Adelaide (Della/Lady) and Lucienne—and in fact, Adelaide would probably be my first choice (literary tie-in AND vowel AND unique initial) except that your husband isn’t enthusiastic. But perhaps he’ll come around and it will be the perfect solution: Anders (his choice) for a boy, Adelaide (your choice) for a girl. Adelaide Alba feels slightly less than ideal, but I think it’s fine: middle names tend to be special-occasion items.

Name update!

Dear Sweet Swistle and Helpful Commenters,

We had our baby last Wednesday – a boy! He weighed 8 lbs, 10 oz. Although he made us wait for his arrival, we’ve forgiven him because of his blessedly short labour.

We were still back and forth about names after he was born. My husband felt – even though it was his only choice for a boy’s name – that our little guy just didn’t look like an Anders (but what an Anders should look like, we don’t know!). He also confessed that he felt this baby also needed a nickname and that he would likely have resorted to calling him Andy much of the time (not cool!).

We considered many of the suggested boy names, but it seemed there was a reason we couldn’t use them (husband vetoed August, relative named Arthur, we know a Charlie, name sounded funny with last name, etc…). With his first choice no longer seeming right, my husband came around to Abel. Our daughter had been pushing for Abel for the last few days before we named him, so she is elated. My husband is glad he has a nickname in “Abe.” Since naming Abel, his older siblings have taken to calling him “Abe-y Baby,” which sounds adorable said in their sweet little voices and instantly made the name feel like the right choice. And, as it turns out, Abel is a family surname on my husband’s side. So while I came up with the name, it ended up pointing to his side twice.

Had we had a girl, we think we would have either named her Adelaide or Lucienne, nn Lucie (though perhaps not had she not “looked like” either name!). I really loved the idea of Alba for a first name, but neither my husband nor the honouree liked it in the first name spot at all. I’ll mourn that possibility a bit.

Although we ended up with a name that fulfilled our silly wish list, it was so freeing to have your expert opinion, Swistle, that vowel-names aren’t a “naming style” and that this baby didn’t need a literary story behind his name. Should we have a fourth, I think we’ll have a much easier time picking a name (and if we don’t, you can really pick any name you’d like, Swistle!).

Thanks so much for all your helpful comments and insight. I’ve become a bit of a baby name enthusiast since reading the archives…I can’t wait to hear what happens with the 2 remaining sisters who both want Sylvie!

Thanks again,
Michelle