Help! We have a baby girl on the way in early November, and I’m getting cold feet about the name we’ve (tentatively) picked.

Middle name will be the same as the famous immigration station island in the NY harbor (my last name), last name will be the same as the narrator of Moby Dick (husband’s last name).

Brother’s name: Samuel (Island) (Narrator). He is usually called Sammy. This baby will be our last because I’m getting my tubes tied, but if we do end up in a miraculous virgin birth situation, future children will have the same middle-last combo.

Top choice: Harriet/Hallie/Hattie. This was my suggestion and would have been Sammy’s name if he’d been a girl. We still like it but now I’m second guessing myself. Is it too weird/unpopular? Will people think a Hallie is named after Halle Berry? Will people think a Harriet is named after Harry Potter? What if you knew the parents were big Harry Potter nerds who now have a fraught relationship with the series because of the author’s transphobia? Samuel now seems like the most perfect name ever uttered — not too popular, not too weird, friendly-sounding, timeless — so how can we ever match that? Or do I just feel that way because Sammy himself is so great? Have I just been driven over the edge by pregnancy hormones? I am a chronic overthinker so this is very possible!

So we’ve kept looking. I would describe my naming style as “long stern maiden aunt full name with fun kicky nickname”. I’m not too concerned with popularity except it prefer it not to be super tied to a particular generation — no super sharp peaks in popularity a la Heather or Brittany. My husband is not as much of a name dork as I am and so would not describe his naming style in any particular way, but we generally have fairly compatible tastes.

Contenders:
Caroline/Cal/Caddie (I prefer Callie as a nickname but it makes him think of the state of California)
Dorothy/Dottie/Dot (family name on both sides but neither of us is sold)
Amelia/Molly (a little too popular, plus Molly is a bit of a stretch as a nickname)
Naomi (bit of a style outlier)
Rosemary/Rosie/Romy (was my top choice for a while but I’ve cooled off — not quite antique enough, I think)

Names I’ve suggested that my husband vetoed:
Mary (“too boring”)
Jane (ditto)
Louisa/Lucy (“too old lady”)
Esther/Essie (ditto)
Felicity (“too weird”)
Josephine/Josie (“it’s just a boy name with a girl ending”(???))

Names my husband has suggested that I’ve vetoed:
Abigail (recent sharp peak)
Audrey (too modern, if I can’t imagine it on a Jane Austen character it’s not for me)

Names we like but have other reasons for avoiding (don’t want to name after living relatives, close cousins with the name, sounds preposterous with the middle name, etc):
Margaret/Maggie
Marianne/May
Evelyn/Evvie
Alice
Rebecca (As a Betsy, the name Becky is my natural enemy)

(In case it helps: if this baby had been a boy they would have been Nathaniel.)

Please either talk me off this cliff and convince me Harriet is a good choice, or help us pick a new name!

(Thank you in advance and please feel free to edit this question as you see fit, since it got extremely long!)

Betsy

I am always a little worried that I will say “DON’T WORRY! This is just cold feet!”—and then it will turn out that, no, the letter-writer had genuine doubts, and now they will be writing back in a month with baby name regret.

Still, I will say my initial reaction to this letter is DON’T WORRY! This is just cold feet.

I think Harriet is charming and delightful, and wonderful with the sibling name. While the name Hallie does bring Halle Berry to mind, I would not assume there was any connection—especially with the different spelling, and a nickname not a given name. But also: it’s a very neutral association.

I would not have made any connection at all between Harriet and Harry Potter, though you were 100% correct to include the additional context, because that DOES move me from “I would never have made any connection at all” to “Wait, would I? No, I still think I wouldn’t.” I asked Paul for his reaction, to make sure I wasn’t paving over issues in my overeagerness to have a new baby in the world named Harriet; and he went on for SEVERAL MINUTES explaining why he did not think it was an issue (it involved Venn diagrams), despite the fact that he thinks he WOULD make the jump from Harriet to Harry Potter. So there’s two data points: Swistle and Paul both think this is not an issue.

It’s true the name Harriet is underused: according to the Social Security Administration, only 217 new baby girls were given the name in 2022. But it is FAMILIAR-uncommon: people know the name. They know how to pronounce it. They are not going to say “WHAT did you say? I have never heard that name!” And I suspect many people will be delighted to hear it: the common names are common because a lot of people like them, but it can mean we all get a little overly familiar with hearing them.

It has been…good heavens TWENTY YEARS since I first heard of a new baby named Harriet, and my very first reaction was “HARRIET????”—and about three seconds later, my second reaction was “😍✨😍H✨A✨R✨R✨I✨E✨T😍✨😍!!” And it was the new baby of one of Paul’s co-workers, and she was a spirited and opinionated child, so I kept hearing about this baby/toddler, and every single time it was a fresh delight: “Apparently Harriet is shrieking every time they put the spoon near her mouth, unless it is the BLUE spoon,” Paul would report, and I would think “😍✨😍H✨A✨R✨R✨I✨E✨T😍✨😍!!” I’ve retained that reaction to this very day.

Where was I? Oh, yes: I DO think the name Samuel/Sammy now seems so objectively perfect and unmatchable because of the child himself and your love for him. …Er! Not to say it is NOT a wonderful/friendly/timeless name! It IS! But I think you will come to feel the same way about your second child’s name, and that you should not try to compare apples (names that still seem like names) with oranges (names that are now YOUR CHILD).

If you MUST continue searching, then I wish Margaret wasn’t already off the table, because I think that would be a marvelous option: similar in GIST to Harriet but significantly more common (2,180 new baby girls named Margaret in 2022); excellent nickname options (Daisy, Greta, Margo, Retta, Meg, Maggie, Margie…); wonderful with the sibling name.

Henrietta. Hennie, Hattie, Ettie, Etta, Ria, Hank!

Oh, you might be a PERFECT candidate for one of my own favorites I am always trying to get people to use: Winifred. WINIFRED!! Stern maiden aunt for DAYS! Winnie! Freddie!

Also: Millicent. MILLICENT/MILLIE! Perfection.

Also: Florence. FLORENCE! Who else could be so stern and so lovely at the same time? And I think the actor Florence Pugh has recently given the name a good boost into usability. Nicknames Florrie, Flossie, Flora.

I am also a fan of Philomena. Minnie, Mena, Phil.

Matilda/Tilly/Tildy/Mattie.

LYDIA. Not a…GREAT…Austen character, but the right ERA, and a great NAME! Liddy!

Or Cordelia? Cory, Rory, Delia.

GEORGIA. George, Georgie, Geordy, Gigi, Gia.

Philippa! Pippa! Phil!

Claudia, but I am not sure about a nickname.

Another possible nickname for Caroline is Rory.

But I think 😍✨😍H✨A✨R✨R✨I✨E✨T 😍✨😍. I would use the nickname Hattie, except that I would never actually use it because I would be having so much fun saying the name Harriet. Well, no: I can see myself saying “Sammy and Hattie.”

Name update:

Thank you everyone for helping me fall back in love with our name choice — Harriet joined us on Halloween! I’d still love to see those Venn diagrams though!

My husband and I are expecting our second baby girl this January. She will complete our family as we’re both only children and having two children is our max. Our current daughter is “Eleanor Grace” and we love classic, southern names, particularly names with a French origin since my father is French (although French origin in not a requirement by any means, just a bonus).

Husband: Casey Walker

Wife: Emily-Anne Walker (“Emily-Anne” is my full first name and I go by “Emily-Anne” not Emily – however, I’ve always hated having a double name and will never name do that to my child!)

Daughter: Eleanor Grace Walker

Future Daughter:

Leaning towards “Mallory Jane” with “Mallory Joy” a second option because I love the middle name “Joy” but think “Mallory Jane” sounds nicer than “Mallory Joy.” I love how Mallory sounds, but it translates to “bad luck” (literally “ill-omened”) which is not at all ideal…

Other options we are considering:

·Fiona
·Dorothy
·Jane
·Claire
·Abigail
·Juliette
·Audrey
·Clara
·Catherine
·Margot
·Charlotte
·Lillian / Lily
·Penelope
·Leah

Any advice or guidance would be most appreciated – and I will be sure to keep you posted on the finial decision!

Thank you so much!

I love the middle name Joy, especially the way it coordinates with the middle name Grace. I will mention reluctantly that with the surname it makes me think of jay-walker, but I feel silly even bringing that up: How often will anyone say the middle name and surname together? And even if they do, a jay-walker is not such a terrible thing! And it’s NOT Jay, it’s Joy! But it is the kind of detail I like to think of and dismiss and be okay with BEFORE I’ve filled out a birth certificate rather than AFTER. Another middle name possibility: Hope.

Similarly, I would want to think ahead of time before using Eleanor and Penelope as sibling names, only because both names can use the nickname Nell. I don’t think that has to be a deal-breaker at all; it’s just something I’d rather consider ahead of time.

I would love to write a paragraph here about how little I think we need to take name-meanings into account—except that I had that same hesitation about the name Mallory back in my baby-naming days. Not so much the meaning as the presence of the Latin root word “mal” right there in the name. I still don’t think it has to matter! If I meet a little Mallory, I will not AT ALL wonder how her parents could have done that to her! I continue to love the name and wish for others to use it! But…the “mal” thing did make a difference in my own willingness to use the name, and so I understand if it does the same to you. …While also feeling inclined to PUSH YOU TO USE IT. It’s such a great and underused name!

Well. Would you want to consider the name Felicity? It’s the opposite of Mallory, meaning-wise, and I love it with the surname. The only thing that bothers me a little is the popularity gap: according to the Social Security Administration, the name Eleanor was #16 in 2022; the name Felicity was #457.

And I think you have so many other great options on your list already. My own favorite with the sibling name and surname is Clara, but I like SO MANY. What does everyone else like best?

Name update:

Thank you all for your comments!!! We ended up naming our second baby girl “Lillian”!! Her full name is Lillian Ruth Walker as Ruth is my mother in law’s middle name. We think Eleanor & Lillian go really well together :) Thank you again for your help!

I have had this open on my desktop for six days already, and it is too time-sensitive for even that amount of procrastination/delay/thinking, so I am not going to wait any longer but am posting it now for the group to take a crack at it.

Dear Swistle,

I wrote to you earlier in the pregnancy, before we knew baby’s sex. I delivered a baby girl 11 days ago. She’s still without a name.

The name we brought to the hospital was Beatrice. It was the only name my husband, three children, and I agreed on. I could tell my husband wasn’t thrilled by its length (he prefers one and two syllable names), but he wasn’t objecting or putting out other suggestions, so Beatrice it was.

The day we went to the hospital, we brought The Baby Name Wizard to look through middle name options. Our teenaged daughter has been very involved in the naming process. She has put more time and effort into finding a name than my husband and I combined. She had put post-it notes with all the middle names we’d discussed in the book to help is out (so sweet!). One note – for the name Phoebe -was longer than the others, saying she knows I already vetoed it (it was my childhood cat’s name, it’s a close friend’s dog’s name, and I immediately think of Phoebe Buffay), but would I reconsider? She had just finished reading a book with a character named Phoebe who was really cool and shared the same interests as my daughter and I (thrift shopping, vintage anything, and reading).

When I came home, she had put post-it notes on every page of the book that mentioned Phoebe so I could easily find them. She’s the most easy-going kid and usually defers to others’ preferences. The fact that she was quietly pushing for the name Phoebe was out of character so we felt we should explore it, especially since she spent hours and hours looking up baby names and making lists.

It turns out all the kids preferred Phoebe, my husband did, too, AND The Baby Name wizard lists all 3 of our older kids’ names as sibling matches for Phoebe (E$mé & 0l1ver and in another section of the book, it has @bel and Phoebe in the same Bible name section).

It seems like Phoebe was meant to be. And yet…

I just don’t know if I can use it. I’ve gotten over the cat and dog thing. And the FRIENDS thing. I think that other famous Phoebes have since helped dilute that association. I’ve gotten over how it sounds a little goofy with our last name (it’s one syllable and begins with a “Bee” sound, like Bean).

But I’m still not sure. Fee-Bee. FEE-BEE. It’s not…pretty. I keep thinking of the FRIENDS episode with Christina Applegate (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LVS2O3ha8f0). It is quirky and has a long history of use, which I like. It has lots of literary references, which is great. And my family loves it, which makes me want to love it.

How do you choose between two names? Thoughts on Phoebe with the sibling set? How much naming power is it reasonable to give up children (teen, tween, and second grader)? If I had more say in choosing the other kids’ makes, should I just give this to my husband/family? (But using a name I’m not sold on for my child seems such a huge ask!). Using either name feels so unnatural and strange. At this point, I think I’ll mourn not using either one of them a bit.

[I have thought about your post on your regular blog several times since reading it. I, too, feel like I make things more complicated or difficult than they need to be. I wish I could just name a baby in utero, or choose a name “just because I like it”, or even just pick between two names right in front of me. I wish I weren’t waffling or stressing and that I was just enjoying my new, sweet baby fully, instead. But if it weren’t this, I’d be fretting about something else, I’m sure].

Thank you for reading,

Michelle

Name update:

Dear Swistle and Lovely Readers,

Thank you so much for your help in naming our fourth baby. I appreciate all the readers’ comments so much. Immediately comforting were the comments that suggested we temporarily shelf choosing a name to prioritize rest and to just enjoy our baby. We took the advice and it really helped relieve the pressure.

We named our sweet girl Ph0ebe M@ude. M@ude was a name that was on my husband, daughter, and my lists for middle names – independent of each other! – so it was easy to choose.

Reading all the feedback was so helpful, even if it wasn’t in favour of the name Ph0ebe or of letting children have a say in choosing their sibling’s name. Your readers’ different opinions on the matter helped me sort out how I feel. The commenters with daughters named Ph0ebe also helped tremendously. So far, almost everyone has expressed pleasant surprise at hearing her name, just as the parents of Ph0ebes described in their comments.

My husband and children are thrilled. How do I feel?

I love her name and I’m so happy my eldest suggested it! It feels like our baby just *is* a Ph0ebe to me now.

It’s quite an about-face, I know! I’m even surprised by how settled I feel about her name. Besides the comments mentioned above, here are some other things that helped:

– I had to stop holding the name up against all the names that, for various reasons, we couldn’t use (solid Swistle advice from other posts; I just had to actually apply it).

– As several commenters suggested, I thought differently about the crux of the matter. It wasn’t really about whether or not Ph0ebe was my all-time favourite name. It was about whether I was happy to let my family – my husband and eldest, in particular – have their all-time favourite name. It turns out, I was.

– I had to stop constantly repeating “FEEEE-BEEEE” in my head and under my breath. When I stopped focusing primarily on phonetics (and saying them in an unnatural and exaggerated way), I could think about how much I liked other things about the name: the story behind it, how much family loved it, the meaning, the way it looks on paper, that it’s bright and friendly-sounding, how it flows with our other children’s names, how it’s familiar but not overly popular, etc.

– Rereading page 11 of the Baby Name Wizard. There, under the heading “So close, but which one?” it says, “If at the end you genuinely love two names equally, here’s a potential tiebreaker: imagine your kindergartener asking how you chose her name. Is there one name you can spin a particularly compelling tale about? If so, then you’re getting an extra bonus with that name, a dose of personal history and meaning.” Choosing Ph0ebe gave us that bonus.

– Just committing! As some commenters said it would, once the name was settled, the relief at finally having chosen a name was immense.

Some silly/surprising/pleasant findings since making the name official:

– Discovering by chance that in Bert’s “Jolly Holiday” song in the 1964 Mary Poppins movie (one of my kids’ favourite movies when they were younger), he sings the phrase “…Phoebe’s delightful, Maude is disarming…”. Neat!

– Realizing that my eldest daughter and youngest son’s names each have 4 letters and my eldest son and youngest daughter’s names each have 6 letters. A silly detail, but cool to have happened unplanned.

– Some friends addressed cards to “Baby Ph0ebe”, which made my heart skip a beat.

– Just how happy and settled I feel in our choice. I love seeing her name in writing, on government documents, and especially on the cross-stitch my eldest has started making for her baby sister. I love telling people her name and hearing others address her. When people ask where we got the name from, I love telling them the story. Surprisingly, I felt more post-naming angst about some of our kids’ names that I suggested! And maybe that’s because for a type-A over-thinker, like me, who likes to always have a plan, it feels freeing to sometimes let go and to be open to letting life unfold. When I do, things often turn out better than I could have planned them.

Thanks again to all💛

Hello Swistle!

We have been going through the baby name wizard you gifted us during your fundraiser years ago but we have not been able to come up with a first name for a boy. Baby is due in December.

We have one child, Ewan R@y. My spouse changed his name when we married so our family name sounds like “Cornmeal” without the “m”. Baby is due in December.

Spouse picked out Ewan’s first name when he was a teenager and I really liked it when he brought up the name so that worked out really nicely. He shares a middle name with my grandfather and a cousin.

If the baby is a girl, the name will be Lyra D@nielle. Lyra is from a book series spouse really likes and D@nielle is my sister’s middle name. We are both really excited about this name!

If baby is a boy, we would like to use Ryan (spouse’s brother’s first name) as a middle name.

We don’t want repeating initials so an “E” name is off the table if we use Ryan as a middle name. The other boy middle name we have discussed is William (in the context of a third boy) which is my spouse’s middle name and his grandfather’s middle name. We have talked about it and William or Ryan would be fine as middle names.

Names I like:

Shea
Eamon
Caspar
Konrad
Eligh
Emerson
Rowan
Emery
Everett
Edmund
Ezra

Names spouse likes/are just ok:

Ezra
Galen
Rowan
Ronan
Edmund
“I don’t know, that’s the problem!”
Everett
Eamon (this name is sometimes off the list)
Emery

Please help! We really have no idea.

I had written two full paragraphs encouraging you to go ahead and repeat an initial, since MORE THAN HALF of the names on BOTH lists start with E—and then I realized my reading comprehension was poor and that what you said is that you don’t want to repeat ALL the initials: that is, you are fine with another E name, but you don’t want another ERC name. I am saying this in case any commenters were about to have to surreptitiously delete two paragraphs, too.

My own preference would be to remove Eamon from the list: to me, it feels too similar to Ewan. And I realize this is completely subjective, but something about the Ewan/Eamon combination is particularly tangling to my particular brain: I say YOU-wen and AY-mon and there’s a short-circuiting sensation.

I would also remove Eligh. If that’s Eli with a -gh, I would keep it on the list but spell it Eli, unless there is a truly overpowering reason to spell it Eligh. And if there IS an overpowering reason to use that spelling, I would suggest using it as a middle name. Or possibly this is an auto-correct situation, and I will feel silly for pointing it out.

And I would remove Konrad: the K- and -nr- of Konrad with the C- and -rn- of the surname gives me that short-circuiting feeling again.

Shea turns into “shake or kneel” with the surname.

It feels unfair to remove so many of yours without removing any of your husband’s, so I’ll also take off Galen. I feel like that’s a tough name to carry.

And Rowan repeats the -wan of Ewan; I don’t know if that would bother you. It bothers me a little, but not enough to take it off the list; that is, I would take it off my list, but I’m not motivated to boss you to take it off of yours. Although, the more I think about it, the more it’s bothering me, so I may change my mind later. No, in fact, I’ve changed my mind already: it’s that the -wan is 3/4ths of the name Ewan, and that feels like too much to duplicate.

I’ll note that Ezra and Lyra both end in -ra, just in case that’s something you want to consider ahead of time.

Let’s see, where does that leave us. Emery, Everett, Edmund, Ezra (unless Ezra that would rule out a future daughter named Lyra); middle name William. I think you could name the baby any of those names and then pat yourselves on the back for a job well done. And it’s not uncommon in my own experience to have a girl name you’re really happy and excited about, and a boy name you agree on and think would be a solid choice but are not particularly excited about, or vice versa. Sometimes it just works out that way. So that is a very good start, and now let’s just see if we can find any boy names you WOULD feel excited about, because that can be fun too. Plus, since Ryan is your first choice for a middle name, it would be nice to find some non-E first-name options (…that Swistle doesn’t scribble out for you). Let’s all open our Baby Name Wizards.

Caleb. I notice you like alliteration. Caleb Cornmeal; Ewan and Caleb.

Cyrus. Found it while looking for alliteration; it’s not alliterative, but still jumped out at me as a brother name for a Ewan. Cyrus Cornmeal; Ewan and Cyrus. But I’d caution that it is a little similar to Lyra.

Gideon. Some of the sounds of Konrad/Edmund, some of the sounds of Galen. Gideon Cornmeal; Ewan and Gideon.

Silas. I was in the biblical section and it caught my eye. Silas Cornmeal; Ewan and Silas. Similar to Cyrus, but no issue with a future Lyra.

Angus. I have moved now to the Celtic section. Angus Cornmeal. Ewan and Angus. Despite knocking Rowan off your list for a related offense, the -an/An- thing appeals to me a little. Also, I seem to be in Overthinking It Mode now, because do names that end in -s form the words “score” or “scorn” with your surname? I’m saying Angus Cornmeal and sometimes hearing “score” (which would be fine) but not “scorn” (which might also be fine, but is a negative word), and sometimes hearing nothing, because “Scornmeal” does not seem like a likely surname, and because Angus is a familiar enough first name that it doesn’t lose the -s to the blend.

Callum. Alliteration again, Celtic-style this time. Callum Cornmeal (I would find it Too Much if the surname actually had an M in it); Ewan and Callum.

Declan. This feels nicely snappy to me with Ewan. It makes me feel like saying the names together a bunch of times to enjoy them. Declan Cornmeal; Ewan and Declan.

Griffin. I enjoy this combination, too. Griffin Cornmeal; Ewan and Griffin.

Quinn. Interesting repeating sounds with the surname, and with the sibling name. I almost took it off the list, then found I didn’t want to, so I left it on: with the surname, the repeating sounds make me want to keep saying it; with the sibling name, it intrigues me how many sounds the names share while staying so different. Quinn Cornmeal; Ewan and Quinn.

Rhys. It’s simultaneously pleasing and also a little alarming (because of the potential pressure, if you then added a fourth child) to imagine later adding a Lyra, so that all three kids would have four-letter names. Rhys Cornmeal; Ewan and Rhys (and maybe Lyra).

Jasper. Jasper Cornmeal. Ewan and Jasper.

Alfred. I started with Alfie, but hesitated: is that enough name? And I do so love the name Alfred. Alfred Cornmeal, perhaps called Alfie; Ewan and Alfred, Ewan and Alfie.

Otto. Otto Cornmeal; Ewan and Otto.

Leo. I can’t tell if I like it with the surname. Leo Cornmeal; Ewan and Leo.

Gage. Similar to Galen. Gage Cornmeal; Ewan and Gage.

Wesley. Wesley Cornmeal; Ewan and Wesley.

Abel. Abel Cornmeal; Ewan and Abel.

Carey Cornmeal; Ewan and Carey.

Fletcher Cornmeal; Ewan and Fletcher.

Hayes Cornmeal; Ewan and Hayes.

Lane Cornmeal, and I like it significantly better knowing there’s no -m-; Ewan and Lane.

Murphy Cornmeal; Ewan and Murphy.

Nolan Cornmeal; Ewan and Nolan.

Wells Cornmeal; Ewan and Wells.

Davis Cornmeal; Ewan and Davis.

Malcolm Cornmeal; Ewan and Malcolm.

Miles Cornmeal; Ewan and Miles

Name update:

Dear Swistle!

Ezra William arrived in time for Christmas. Thank you and the readers for the name input!

Hi Swistle!

I’ve been an avid reader of your blog for many years and I’ve always loved names. My husband and I are expecting our first child, a girl this July and we are struggling to find names that work. I always had girls names that I would use, but my husband is German, along with his entire family, and our child will be raised in both Germany and America so many names that I like do not work in Germany. We have lived in both countries and currently reside in Germany, but expect to be back in America in the future.

For some background on German names: there are a lot more unspoken rules around naming a child. If you look up “kevinism” you will see just some of the rules linked to Germany. These include not giving your child a super ‘american/british’ name, not doing a super american/french name with a german last name, place/thing names are not acceptable, and names that are of german/latin/hebrew (biblical) descent are seen the most proper and correct. Scandinavian names are also popular in Germany. There are some exceptions to these rules, but generally these rules apply. While some younger germans are pushing away from these rules, they are still very much followed by many. It is very important to us that our child feels she ‘fits’ in both cultures.

If I was not married to a German man and if my husband was going along with whatever names I like, my top two girls names would be June and Rose. I love both these names for their summery feel, long history of usage, short, feminine, and just overall ‘feel’ of the name. Alas, neither of these work at all in German as they are seen as very American names/English ‘thing’ names. Even when I type those names, I still wish I could use them, but I know its not fair to my husband and to our daughter’s 50% German genes if I pushed two names that truly do not work in one country.

For my naming style: I tend to like girls names that have been in usage in history, are not too ‘out there’, and are shorter. I generally do not like super long, overly feminine girls names. My husband does not appear to have any rules around names, he just will suggest names that he thinks sound interesting. I am definitely the person who cares more about the name and history. Our last name sounds similar to Raiserhöffer (but with a more difficult spelling) so very German, hard to pronounce when read, and long.

Some names we have thrown around (in no particular order):

1. Charlotte- the name I am lobbying for. I like the nickname Charlie, Charlotte works in both countries (pronounced char-lott-uh in Germany), and is seen as a classic in both countries. My husband feels neutral on the name, but doesn’t feel enthusiastic. He is pushing for Caroline instead, which is a hard no from me.

2. Lucy- the name we both love, but cannot use because it is seen as an English name and not a proper name in Germany. Plus, the older generations in Germany who do not speak English pronounce it like “lutzie” which is not a dealbreaker, but we want a name that everyone feels comfortable with. I love this name because of its literary connotations, musical connotations, and short but lively sound.

3. Claire- we are both ‘okay’ with this name. Germans would prefer it to be Clara, but we can get away with Claire. I do like the meaning, but there is something about it that I am not super enthusiastic about. Neither my husband nor I like Clara.

4. Ava- a hail mary name I threw out there. My husband likes this one a lot. Germans would pronounce it ‘ah-vah’. I like it, but I am worried it will be a very dated name in twenty years for American ears. I also feel like its lost its sparkle a bit? So far the name we seem to agree on the most and my husband’s top-runner favorite.

5. Louisa- my husband’s suggestion. Technically written ‘Luise’ in German, but we would do the English spelling. It feels very German to me and I tend to like shorter/more snappy names. This feels like a large step away from names I would give my daughter if there were no cultural issues here on names.

6. Kaia- a name I like, it would work in Germany b/c of its scandinavian origins, but I typically like more classic sounding names and this feels a bit out there. I mostly like this name for its meaning. If our next child was a boy, I think it would not fit with the Leo/Lucas/Henry names I tend to lean towards. For this reason, I am not looking at the name seriously.

7. Maren- another name that we’ve thrown around. Also diverts from my typical leanings for more classic names, but it is shorter. I like the meaning ‘of the sea.’ It is a German/Danish name, but older name in Germany and I think it is rising in America. I’m worried I would regret giving her a name that doesn’t have the historical ties that I tend to like and I find myself hesitating on this name.

8. Lily- the only ‘flower/thing’ name that Germans find acceptable, because they do not consider this name to be a flower. In Germany, the name is spelled “Lilly” and comes from the full name Elizabeth. I like it, but it feels a bit too soft? I don’t know how to explain it.

9. Romy- a german nickname, but I find it quite cute. I am nervous that it does not fit an adult and that maybe it is a passing fancy of mine. Also not sure about the alliteration of Romy R. My husband also feels weird about the two “R”s especially when Germans use a different sounding “r” from english. (more harsh sounding on the tongue). For those reasons, I am not seriously considering it, but listing it here so you get a sense of the names we have talked about.

10. Amelia/Emilia- My husband likes this naming set. Emilia is the German version and is very very popular in germany right now. It feels a bit too flowery to me. Again, it mostly feels like I am agreeing to a name here that fits a culture rather than my own personal naming preferences.

Sorry for this very long (slightly desperate) email! I never thought I would be in this boat of not having a name picked out and it is increasing my anxiety as the due date draws closer each week. I appreciate any thoughts, names, suggestions, or other comments besides this small echo-chamber of my husband and I!

All the best,

M & S

I agree that the child’s name should work in both of her parents’ countries, especially since you plan to live in both. I agree it seems wrong to give her a name that truly doesn’t work in one of the two countries, or a name that would be viewed with disdain in either of the two countries. But I am not ready to pleasantly concede that “The name cannot be/seem American” is a valid cultural naming rule for one parent’s country to apply to the other parent’s country.

But if that’s what we’re going to work with, and if the child is going to have her father’s family surname AND only be given names that meet the preferences of her father’s culture (those preferences excluding anything from her mother’s culture), then certainly you, the mother, should have 100% deciding power from among the names that meet those preferences. I further suggest that you use one of The Names You Can’t Use in Germany as the child’s middle name, where presumably it will not be visible enough to encounter daily disdain. Anyone who DOES say anything about it can be reminded that the child has two parents.

(Perhaps it would be instructive before going any further to have your husband spend a few minutes imagining a situation in which the child was to be given YOUR family’s surname, and ALSO that the rest of the name had to meet YOUR culture’s guidelines, which in this imaginary case would mean NO German names or anything that even SEEMED LIKE a German name. And now perhaps he would like to imagine that after he agreed to those remarkable conditions, the two of you came up with a list of names that qualified as Not German, and now you were pushing to use one of YOUR top choices rather than one of his.)

I vote for Charlotte June. You mention that Charlotte is your own top choice of the names that can be used in your husband’s culture; it works in both countries; it works with the surname; “Charlie June” is an appealing nickname; and the only downside is that your husband feels neutral about it. Neutral is a HUGE WIN for this difficult naming situation! He can save his enthusiasm for the use of his family surname and for his wife’s willingness to defer to all his culture’s naming customs! And this way you both get something you’re happy and enthusiastic about: I cannot fathom going with your husband’s family surname, your husband’s cultural naming preferences, AND one of your husband’s first-choice names, while you get nothing. AT THE VERY LEAST, the first name should be ONE of your top favorites, if not your VERY most favorite. (I would prefer it to be your VERY most favorite.)

Or Charlotte Lucy. Since Lucy is the name you both love but agree you can’t use in the first-name position, it might be pleasing to have it there in the middle-name slot.

(I’m leaving out Charlotte Rose for two reasons: Rose is such an extremely common middle name for girls right now in the U.S.; and I feel like Charlie Rose doesn’t work as well as a nickname.)

Name update:

Hi! I am so sorry for my delayed update. Our daughter was born with a surprise medical complication and has undergone two surgeries in her short life already. She is doing much better now. The name we went with was Charlotte Maren. Thank you everyone for your wonderful insights and comments, I read them all. It really is interesting trying to merge two cultures together!

Hi Swistle!

My husband and I are expecting our first child this May and are not finding out the sex. I’ve always loved talking names: my husband, not so much. Before we were pregnant, he said it felt like putting the cart before the horse. (Fair enough, since we ended up dealing with 2.5 years of infertility before this pregnancy).

Now that we are pregnant, I thought we’d have conversations and find a name together. Or, more likely with our decision-making styles, I’d come up with my top 5 names and he’d pick from among them. What I wasn’t expecting is that he doesn’t really care.

Not in a “I don’t want to talk about this at all,” way, more of a “whatever you like, go for it!” way. His position is that the baby is getting his last name, that he knows how much names matter to me, and that he’d tell me if I chose a name he hated. This all sounds perfectly reasonable to me. We’ve always had a policy that if an issue matters more to one partner, they get more say. But at the same time, I feel guilty! A baby’s name feels like such a big decision — shouldn’t he love it too? Am I being selfish in getting my way?

So, Swistle, I mostly just need someone to reassure me that this situation is fair and that I’m not being crazy.

And, of course, since a name letter is no fun without actual names, we/mostly I have settled on Calvin David for a boy and Margaret Rose (Maggie) for a girl. The firstborn women in my family have been named some variant of Margaret for a few generations, and Rose is my middle name and a family name as well. David is my father’s name, and we just liked Calvin :-) The baby’s last name will start with a B and sounds very similar to a famous family of bears that live in a tree.

Thank you for any help and reassurance you may have!
Meg

One reason it has taken me so long to respond (the email arrived LAST NOVEMBER) is that I have empathy but not necessarily advice: I would feel pretty much exactly the same as you feel, and I don’t know how I would deal with it.

Definitely you’re not being selfish or crazy! Your husband appears to be in his right mind, and he is saying this is just not a big deal to him, and he lovingly notices it IS a big deal to you. He has also specifically reassured you that this doesn’t mean he’d let you accidentally use a name he disliked, so there’s a safety net in place. And I do think he is correct that the choice to use his family’s surname for the children is a BIG THING, and I appreciate that he appreciates this.

The situation reminds me a little of when our household needed a computer for the kids to do their homework. I care approximately zero about computers, and Paul is an actual expert on computers and cares very much, and also he KNOWS what the options are and what the implications are of those options, as well as which companies sell what items for what prices, and what needs to be name-brand and what doesn’t, and so on. So I felt completely content letting him make the entire decision, as long as we agreed on a few baseline items such as cost (the children do not need a top-of-the-line dream computer for doing homework) and size (the children do not need multiple computer monitors). I would not WANT to be involved in the discussions; I would not WANT to have to fake being interested in the struggle over rams and gigs or whatever. I would be WILLING to be a sounding-board if that’s what he needed, but I don’t have any other need to be involved.

It sounds very much as if this is what is going on with your husband and baby names. He is presumably WILLING to be a sounding-board if that’s what you need, but he feels content with your tastes and preferences and knowledge on the topic. I guess I DO have a little advice, which is to be careful not to accidentally activate his opinions by using him too often as a sounding-board. If someone talked to me A LOT about computers, I might start developing preferences after all.

Paul was not quite as explicitly hands-off during the baby-name process, but he never really enjoyed discussing names or thinking about them, and he didn’t care very much about the decision, and of course I cared very much indeed. So I will tell you how we handled it. The same day I got a positive pregnancy test, I got out my baby name books and started making lists. I thought about it A LOT, but didn’t talk about it much. I might say “Hey, what do you think of the name Daniel?” or whatever, but I didn’t sit him down for an hour of talk about initials and nicknames, or the pros and cons of Milo vs. Miles. I kept all that within my heart for the time being.

At some point, I handed him a list of maybe a dozen names, and had him star any he particularly liked and cross out any he outright rejected; we first had a little talk about not being over-quick to veto, and about how a veto at this stage was not a VETO-veto (unless he specifically said it was) but more of an indication of which names would be more work to sell. When I had a name I felt pretty excited about, I would prepare him ahead of time to hear it, by SAYING it was a name I felt excited about and so I didn’t want him to react right away, and instead I wanted him to let the name settle in for awhile.

But at one point we got down to two names for one baby, and I preferred one of the two names and Paul preferred the other, and even though Paul said he really liked both names and his preference was only mild and he would be completely happy with either name, and even though my preference was strong and he said it was absolutely fine to go with my preferred name, I still had some trouble doing it! I guess I wanted us to agree, and also for us both to feel equally strongly about it—but that was not one of the available options. And now, years and years later, I don’t think much about it except to feel satisfaction that we went with my choice, which I still feel was objectively better as well as subjectively better.

And you’ve chosen wonderful names: your husband is right to put this decision in your hands. I know what it feels like to want the other parent to feel AS STRONGLY that the names are SO WONDERFUL, and I think he WILL with time—or he might just NEVER really care about it, and that too is FINE. YOU will enjoy the names, and in time I think it will bother you less that he wasn’t as actively involved in choosing them or in rejoicing over them.

If you need any further bolstering, I will attempt to spook you with a glimpse of another timeline, where you are set on these wonderful names, and your husband (scary sting music) DOESN’T LIKE THE NAMES AT ALL. And is insisting on his own favorite names, which are names you (scary sting music) DON’T LIKE AT ALL! And the two of you are locked in this battle, where it looks like neither of you will be happy, and you will have to choose names you feel only mildly positive about, because (one more scary sting music) THOSE ARE THE ONLY ONES YOU CAN AGREE ON!!

Name update:

Hi Swistle,

Thank you ask much for answering my question a few months ago! I needed that validation that (a) I wasn’t being selfish and (b) others had been in similar situations that worked out well.

And now, the fun part of the update – we welcomed our sweet boy Calvin David! As soon as Cal was born, it was like the name became real to my husband. He started looking up famous Calvins and officially christened the nursery “the Cal Zone” 😆.

Thank you again!
Meg

Dear Swistle,

We are expecting our second son due at the end of May. Our oldest is named: Everett Jude. We have narrowed our younger son’s first name down to Abel or Levi. For his middle we would like a nature inspired name. Middles we are considering but haven’t settled on: Griffin, Forest, and Rhodes. We would love your expert opinion on middle name ideas for Abel and Levi. We have a common surname that rhymes with Paw and has an Sh at the beginning.

I promise to send an update.

Thank you for your expertise!

Kelly

This question caught my eye because we just did a post with a lot of nature-name suggestions; those comments could be useful here as well.

I had to look up the nature inspirations for Griffin and Rhodes. Rhodes can be said to mean “rose” or “where roses grow.” I was not successful in finding a nature meaning for Griffin: I found things about prince/lord, and also of course the mythical beast.

For Abel:

Abel Brooks
Abel Clover
Abel Cove
Abel Falcon
Abel Flint
Abel Florian
Abel Fox
Abel Garnet
Abel Hart
Abel Hawthorne
Abel Heath
Abel Raven
Abel Reed
Abel River
Abel Robin
Abel Rowan
Abel Sylvan
Abel Valley
Abel Wren

For Levi:

Levi Alder
Levi Bracken
Levi Books
Levi Cove
Levi Flint
Levi Florian
Levi Garnet
Levi Hart
Levi Hawthorne
Levi Heath
Levi Jasper
Levi Laken
Levi Lark
Levi Linden
Levi Oliver
Levi Parker
Levi Ranger
Levi Raven
Levi Reed
Levi River
Levi Robin
Levi Rowan
Levi Sylvan

Name update:

Hi Swistle, Arthur Abel arrived a few weeks early on May 7. We decided to place Abel in the middle after reading many of the helpful comments. Arthur means, “strong as a bear” or “bear” and pairs well with big brother’s name, Everett. Thank you for all of your suggestions.

Kelly

Dear Swistle,

My husband and I are excited to be expecting our first baby in April and the sex of the baby will be a surprise! We have a shortlist of good girl names but are stumped on a boy name.

For girls, we like classic names that are now top 100 but not too popular, including Eliza, Josephine, and Audrey. Josephine and Eliza are also middle names on my side of the family, so I like the subtle honoring there.

My husband is named after his paternal grandfather and suggested we could name a boy after one or both of his grandfathers. His dad is named John and mine is named Wesley. These are both nice names that would fit with our girls’ name choices, as we do plan to have more children. Both sets of parents live nearby and will be involved in childcare. The baby will have my husband’s surname (sounds like Shultee). My surname will likely be a second middle name.

My questions/concerns:

1) Does giving a child an honor name that is directly used by living close relatives get confusing? I know men have managed this for years by going by Jr. or some nickname, but I still feel hesitant. This is a bigger issue with John (grandfather plus two great-uncles plus my parents having a dog named Jack) than it is with Wesley. It’s also a much greater honor than any of the women in our families would get with this baby if she were a girl (unfortunately, our mothers have names that would sound a little strange on a baby born today).

2) If we abandon using John or Wesley as first names, what else should we consider?

Others that have made our shortlist (though none feel 100% right) are:

Brody (Too 2010s? Would this clash with names for future kids?)

Ezra

Micah (Although we are religious, we worry this might sound a little overtly biblical- this applies to Ezra to some extent)

Thomas (and some other classic boy names that are like it- but I know so many people with this name that it doesn’t feel very fresh to me)

Stylistically, names like Oliver or Theodore would fit well if they weren’t so terribly trendy, particularly where we live.

Thank you for your votes and suggestions!

Allie

Oh! I can give one data point from my own personal experience! One of my children has the same first name as my dad and, when my kids were younger, my parents lived nearby and we saw them often and they babysat the kids and so forth. And what we realized was that only one person was affected by the duplicate name, because only my mom calls both my dad and my son by their first names—and even she only used my dad’s first name when talking with her peers. So for example, if we were in a family gathering, there was no issue: we all called my dad Grandpa or Dad, and we called the child by his first name. In that context, even my mom would refer to her husband as Grandpa or Dad when talking about him or to him, depending on who she was talking about/to him in front of. And if my parents were babysitting the kids, everyone called my son by his first name and referred to my dad as Grandpa, including my mom. But if my mom were talking with one of her friends, then she would have to say “[Name]…oh, I mean HUSBAND-Name…” or “[Name]…oh, I mean GRANDSON-Name…”—but that wasn’t a big deal either, because it was usually clear already from context: i.e., either they were discussing their husbands/marriages or they were discussing their grandchildren.

It can get more confusing in a situation where more people in the family have the name: for example, if the child has a grandfather AND an uncle with the name, which later happened in our family. But we all just refer to the uncle as Uncle [Name] when there’s any doubt—even those of us whose uncle he is not. It’s no big deal. And in your case it sounds like it’s GREAT-uncles, and it seems like their names would come up even less often.

The dog named Jack seems…less relevant. If the dog is a puppy, and so likely has many more happy years with us, it’s possible I might take it into account—but I doubt it. Especially because I want to encourage you to call the child John, not Jack, and I’m hoping the dog’s name will help me with that. I think you are likely to find that the name John has an unexpected/overlooked freshness on a baby.

But if you would like to lean on those issues as reasons not to use John, you have my full support because: I think you should use YOUR dad’s name. The baby will already have the surname of your husband’s family and, if the baby is named for his grandfather because his father was, then he is also following a naming pattern from your husband’s family. Let it at least be a name from your side of the family. The only thing I don’t love is the repeated -ey/-ee sound of the ending with the surname, but it doesn’t feel like a dealbreaker to me. (This is the kind of thing where I soothe my mind by leafing through a yearbook and seeing HOW VERY MANY people have names with repeated endings: it’s the sort of thing that stands out a lot more during the Naming Phase than it does later in life.)

If you decide to abandon the grandfather-name idea (and it would bother me too that there is no similar honor that would work for any of the names of the women in the family) (and DID bother me too when I went ahead and did it anyway for one of my own kids), then I would like to start by crossing Brody right off your list. I think it’s an outlier name for you. If you find it’s your favorite and you are pining to use it, I suggest making little imaginary sibling groups to make sure you can find combinations you like with it.

Ezra and Micah do tip a little more biblical than what you’ve got going on with your girl-name list, but I think they work fine and are not startling. I agree that Oliver and Theodore are better coordinated, but I see your point about the popularity—and it’s pretty common for parents to have a different naming style for boy names than for girl names. More possibilities to consider:

Calvin
Charles
Edmund
Elliot
Emmett
Everett
Franklin
Frederick
George
Grant
Ian
Jasper
Joseph
Julian
Leo
Louis
Miles
Reid
Simon
Warren

You are probably already thinking of this, but my FAILURE to think thoroughly about it when naming my firstborn has caused me to mention it on this blog whenever I feel the smallest impulse: be careful when naming your firstborn that you’re not using a name that rules out names you’d like to use later. For example! Let’s say you would rather not repeat any initials, and your absolute top favorite girl name is Eliza—then it would be good, if this baby is a boy, to remember NOT to use Edmund, Elliot, Emmett, Ezra, etc., unless you like one of those names BETTER for a boy than you like Eliza for a girl; and if your absolute top favorite girl name is Josephine, then you’d want to be careful not to use John or Joseph for a boy. If you use Ezra/Eliza, does it rule out using Eliza/Ezra, because of the repeated sounds? Oh, and even things like, if you name a baby Wesley, would it bother you to have the similar -ey ending of Audrey?

Name update:

Hello Swistle,
Thank you to you and your readers for weighing in on boy names for us! We appreciated the perspectives of those who used honor names in their families and the additional suggestions that people gave. We did end up having a baby boy! We named him Wesley John after his grandfathers. Our families were delighted and we think the name suits him well!

Many thanks!

Hi Swistle –

Long time reader here! I never thought I would have to be sending in a request, but alas here we are with a baby due in April needing name help! The baby will be taking my husband’s last name, which sounds like M@avis, but with a D. We are waiting to find out if it’s a boy or girl and are having some difficulties with the boy names!

We have agreed on Josephine (nickname, Joey or Jojo) for a little girl. Her middle name will likely be Lee, my mothers middle name or my last name (a yellow condiment you put on burgers). I am not too fussed about the middle name. As a reference, the other girl names we liked were Quinn (dont love for a boy) and Penelope (nickname, Poppy).

Boy names are where we start to have some issues. I have always loved the name Reid and my husband is not too keen on it. I also don’t mind (not in love) the names

Jack – family name, too popular?
Robert – nickname Robbie, family name
Fletcher (is this too random?)
Rory (meh)

My husband only likes Rory so far and I am just not in love. He’s not even that sure about it.

Middle name will probably be Robert, Neal (my mom’s maiden name), or my last name.

Would love to hear any suggestions from yourself and readers if you are willing!

As an avid reader, I can 1000% promise I will send an update :)

Thanks in advance!

I like the name Reid, and I like it with a possible future sister named Josephine. My only hesitation is how it goes with the surname: the -d/D- creates a little issue. I don’t think that has to be a dealbreaker: I think it would be very natural to put a little pause in there. But where I feel like it becomes a larger issue is when the name can be misheard as a different name. The first name Ree is not at all common, so this isn’t like our acquaintance Liam Mason who is often mistaken for Leah Mason; but it still does make me hesitate, especially since your husband isn’t keen on the name Reid anyway. (But if he suddenly comes around, as so many men seem to do on names they’ve previously rejected, then I say GRAB THE OPPORTUNITY. If once in a blue moon someone mistakes the name for Ree, then you will correct them and move on with life!)

Jack is nice with the surname. If you are planning more children: do you mind repeating an initial? Do you like Jack and Josephine/Joey/Jojo together?

I don’t think Fletcher is too random. I think it will be perceived as trying to find something a little more unusual to spice up a common surname.

One of my favorite things is when a baby will be given one parent’s surname, but the other parent’s surname works as a first name; traditionally the way this has played out is that the baby is given the father’s surname (which, traditionally, the mother has also taken), but the mother’s maiden name is something that works as a first name. I can’t help but notice what a perfect first name your husband’s surname is. There’s no chance you’d want to reevaluate the surname decision, especially since you’re having some trouble with a boy name? Mavis-with-a-D Yellow-condiment-you-put-on-burgers.

When a couple is struggling to find any names they feel enthusiastic about, I do think a family name is a nice solution: the name will be satisfying even if it doesn’t initially make your hearts pound. Are Jack and Robert names from your side of the family, or from your husband’s, or from both? It’s not always possible (sometimes one side of the family doesn’t have anyone the parents want to honor; sometimes one side of the family doesn’t have any names the parents are willing to use), but when it IS possible I think it’s nice to balance the name: if the surname comes from one side of the family, it’s nice if the honor names can come from the other side of the family.

I’d like to put in a vote for using your mother’s birth surname Neal as the first name. Not only does it give the name Honor Balance (especially if you use your surname as the middle), but it’s also a great name. Neal Mavis-with-a-D! I really love it. And Neal is great with a possible future sister named Josephine/Joey/Jojo. This is my favorite option by far. I am having to suppress the urge to PRESSURE you to use it.

I wonder if you would like the name Calvin. I like the repeated V-sound with the surname. I like that he’d have the nickname options Cal or Vinnie. I like it with possible future sister Josephine.

Or Clark. It’s snappy like Reid and Jack.

Elliot was one of my own favorites; we couldn’t use it because we couldn’t agree on spelling. Elliot Mavis-with-a-D.

Or Nolan? I have an acquaintance with a son named Nolan, and I notice that (1) it pleases my ear when she says it and (2) I don’t know anyone else with that name. Nolan Mavis-with-a-D.

But overall, I feel like there isn’t enough here for me to get a grip on your boy-name style: we have one name you love, and then a few names no one loves. It sounds to me as if what’s needed here is one of those apps where you each select all the names that appeal to you, and then the app tells you which names you agreed on. Or maybe some browsing through The Baby Name Wizard, with each of you looking at the name categories and seeing which categories TEND to be the ones you like, and then seeing if there are any shared categories and any shared name candidates within those categories.

If you do that, though, and there are still no names either of you feel particularly enthusiastic about, I want to reassure you that it is absolutely fine to end up choosing a name you both just feel is a Good Solid Useful Name (Neal? how about Neal?); in time, I feel confident you will end up feeling Name Love for it.

Name update:

Hi Swistle and Readers!

Thank you for all your help. We chatted, deliberated, and researched. Our beautiful baby boy, Robert ‘Bo’ Neal arrived this past weekend. We think he suits Bo perfectly and if that changes down the road, he has a number of nicknames that will work. We really appreciated all your thoughts!

Grace

Swistle –

We are expecting our fourth and *probably* final baby (I have to stop at some point 😂). We have three boys: Brady Mills, Walker Lee and Davis Blake. Last name sounds like Kershmen. Middle names of all the boys are family names (my maiden, my middle, husband’s middle).

We have a girl name picked out, but are kind of stuck on a boy name, and let’s be honest: after three boys we are fully expecting one more! We both really like Rex but are worried it’s too… something. Maybe too dog-name? Too country? Too ‘not a name’? Too T-Rex? I like that it has the ‘Max’ sound but is not as popular, but I’m wondering if our name vision is clouded and it actually is a ridiculous name. Middle name would probably be Ellis (it’s a distant family name but we’ve run out of closer family names that we like). So top contenders as of now:

Rex Ellis (initials would be REK and I like that it kind of sounds like the name)
Reid Ellis
Jenkins Drew (Drew is both of our brothers’ names, and we like the nn Jenks but I’m worried about the ‘Jaynkins’ pronunciation)
Cal (not sure on a middle, and it would just be cal – I’m not a fan of any of the longer versions)

Other names we like:
Jett
Mack
Rowan (Row)

We don’t want to repeat initials with any of our other boys. What do you think of Rex, and do you have any other suggestions that go with our naming style??

Thank you!!

P.s. your readers helped us with Brady’s name and I wrote in for help with a girl name on our 3rd baby, who obviously turned out to be a boy!

I don’t think Rex is a ridiculous option (I think of Rex Harrison, though I see in that case it was a nickname for Reginald), but I find that when I say “Brady, Walker, Davis, and Rex,” something about it hits an odd note. Whereas when I say “Brady, Walker, Davis, and Reid,” everything feels like it clicks together. I wonder if you could name him Reid Ellis and then get Rex/Reks as an nickname from the initials. (This is less of an issue, but also I find “Rex Ellis” a little uncomfortable to say.)

I get a similar odd note if I try the group with Jett and Mack, so I wonder if it’s that those names don’t seem like the same style as the other boys’ names—especially coming so close after the somewhat formal-sounding Davis. That is, Brady and Mack seems like an okay combination to me, but Davis and Mack hits the odd note. I should say, though, that after three or so kids, I definitely stopped worrying so much about the names Going Together, even though it continued to be one of my highest preferences: it just gets harder and harder to DO, and also the parents’ naming style may subtly shift over the sheer amount of TIME it takes to have a bunch of kids.

Similar to Reid: Rhys. Rhys Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Rhys. I am slightly disinclined to do an -s ending right after another sibling with an -s ending, but on the other hand in my own situation it turned out that those kinds of considerations faded significantly after I was out of the naming process. Still, in this case I prefer Reid.

Wait–what about Rhett? It’s interesting how close in sound it is to Rex, while being entirely different in style. Brady, Walker, Davis, and Rhett.

Or Redford, nicknamed Red.

I find the name Jenkins very appealing. I don’t have any experience with the name in real life, so I don’t know if the Jaynkins pronunciation would be an issue or not, and am hoping others can weigh in.

I wonder if you’d want to consider Jennings? Jennings Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Jennings.

I think Rowan works very well in this group: Brady, Walker, Davis, and Rowan. I like the way everyone gets their own initial and their own ending, and it’s a nice assortment of sounds.

I’m VERY KEEN on the idea of using the name Drew for the middle if at all possible, since it’s such a fun coincidence that it would be after TWO of his uncles! To me that is NEARLY as much of a treat as when one parent’s surname is used for the children, but the OTHER parent’s surname is a usable baby name.

Let’s look for some more first names to consider.

Aidric; Aidric Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Aidric
Cormac; Cormac Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Cormac
Crosby; Crosby Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Crosby
Everett; Everett Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Everett
Felix; Felix Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Felix
Fletcher; Fletcher Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Fletcher
Flynn; Flynn Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Flynn
Franklin; Franklin Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Franklin
Frederick; Frederick Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Frederick
Gage; Gage Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Gage
Holland; Holland Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Holland
Isaac; Isaac Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Isaac
Keaton; Keaton Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Keaton
Lennox; Lennox Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Lennox
Merritt; Merritt Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Merritt
Milo; Milo Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Milo
Mitchell; Mitchell Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Mitchell
Russell; Russell Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Russell
Sawyer; Sawyer Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Sawyer
Sullivan; Sullivan Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Sullivan
Thatcher; Thatcher Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Thatcher
Vance; Vance Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Vance

I put Isaac in there because it has some snap, and I feel like you may be looking for some snap—but I am not sure about it style-wise. I went to take it out and found myself reluctant, so I will leave it in.

Name update:

Dear Swistle-

Bub came a few weeks early, so sadly the timing of our letter to you did not work out! However – I’m happy to see that some of your readers like the name we picked.

We went to the hospital with the names narrowed down to Rex and Jenkins. We liked Reid through the whole pregnancy but it just started to not feel right. Rhett would have been top of our list but we have good friends with a son named Rhett so we never considered it – so when my husband brought up Rex, I thought it was a fun twist on Rhett mixed with Max and I liked that! Simple yet a little spunky.

When he was born, we put his Rex hat on him and started calling him Rex, and it worked! His brothers love his name and have fully embraced the T-Rex association, giving him dinosaur stuffed animals and drawing dinosaurs on every card they write him. It’s very cute and we feel that he is definitely a Rex!

We went with Ellis as a middle name as I just couldn’t make Rex Drew sound right in my head (although it looks fine written out like that). So here he is, Rex Ellis! Thanks for your feedback – I will refer to it when we’re on our 5th boy (ha!).