Hi Swistle!

I am obsessed with your blog and have been hunting to find previous posts to help my husband and I name our second (and last) child, which is going to be a boy due in July 2019! We have a daughter who is two and her name is Maren (mar like car + in) and we call her Mari (mar like car + ee). It’s Scandinavian as a tribute to my husbands side and her middle name is Rose for my grandma. Our last name is the ever boring Anderson.

Anyways, we thought we would have two girls because well his twin brother has two girls and a lot of our friends have two girls so we were all set with a girl name, Jillian. We were going to have her middle name be Rose as well as that’s mine and it would have been a done deal. BUT, of course we found out it was a boy and we were not prepared with a name!

We spent lots of time looking at Scandinavian boy names (to go with our daughters name) but they seemed too harsh (although we do live in MN so Scandinavian names are pretty common). So we landed on Isaac, and then I had been thinking about it and thought people will for sure call him I-suck if he were getting made fun of. I took my husband off guard a bit and called an audible and thought we should start looking for another name, one that isn’t so easy to make fun of.

Other names we like are:
Wyatt
Colin
Graham( although my husband eliminated because he likes names that have nicknames)
Marcus (but we took off because too similar to Maren)
Miles (my husband doesn’t like)

Our first names are Ashley and Nick so very plain Jane and wanted to give our kids names a little unique. We feel like Colin is somewhat unexpected, but does it go with Maren? I’m worried that the names we like don’t go with Maren but Isaac did.

Last thing, the middle name we are set on is Russell after my husbands grandpa as Rose is after my grandma.

Help us!! We are super planners and feel stressed that we haven’t found a name we love!

Thank you so much!
Ashley

I know an Isaac, so I asked him about the “I suck” thing, and he says no one has come up with that yet. I don’t think it’s an issue, but perhaps more people who know/have an Isaac can weigh in. It doesn’t seem like a natural leap to me: the “zick”/”zack” sound is so different from the “suck” sound. I think Isaac Russell Anderson is a great name and you’re all set.

Name update:

Hi Swistle! Thanks for all your help with naming. Isaak Russell was born last week and we are so excited! We decided on a k at the end as that’s one of the Swedish spellings to go with Our daughters name.

Thanks again!
Ashley

Dear Swistle,

It’s still early in my pregnancy, but I’m starting to worry about my husband and I not agreeing on a name for our baby boy due in October. We have two girls and our girl naming style is much more in sync – if this last baby of ours would have been a girl, we had chosen the name Ivy.

Our boy naming styles couldn’t be different – I like both classic and nature inspired boy names. I can’t even describe my husband’s naming style, he seems to dislike the majority of boy names, is completely unfamiliar with naming trends and popularity, and I had to beg him for this list below. His top names are marked with an asterisk =

Reed
Cole
Uriah*
Archer
Jordan
Ezra*
Ethan
Jett*
Ronan
Noah
Easton
Dash
Maverick
Grayson

I’ll go ahead with my list next =

Hudson
Charles* (after my husband)
Luke* – my cousin has a Luke or this would be my #1
Everett
Samuel
Wright*
Clark
Benjamin
Theodore*
Abram
Rowen*

And names we both like are as follows =

Jeremiah (I’m bothered by this lacking a nickname I like)
Archer (I’m worried this could be confusing with Harlow as we often call her Har, am I wrong?)
Evander (My husband wants to use the nickname Evan which I dislike)

Our last name is Lox with a F (the animal) and our girls are Harlow and Violet. I have a few rules I’d like to hold strong to – no H or V names as I want my three children to have their own initial, and no names that have “low” or “et” endings. So that there throws out Hudson and Everett from my list, as much as I love them. Middle name will likely be Charles or Tucker, if Charles doesn’t work.

In my head, this baby is Rowen. I would even settle with Owen. Second best for me is Charlie after my husband Charles. My husband isn’t enthusiastic about anything really. I’m becoming extremely frustrated and my husband thinks we have all the time in the world to decide. So I’m hoping you can step in and perhaps recommend something we’ll both like or have advice for agreeing on a name together.

I appreciate your time,
Morganne “Lox”

I find the names Harlow and Rowen a little difficult to say together: the -rlow sound and the row- sound are allllmost the same, but then not QUITE, so my mouth gets confused. Then, those two names both have a unisex/surnamey sound, and seem to leave the name Violet stranded. And Rowen means “red-haired,” so with your surname it seems a little too descriptive. (I say all these things to make you feel better if you can’t use the name Rowen. If your husband comes around, then I say go for it.)

From your husband’s list, my definite favorite is Ezra. I think it’s great with the surname, great with the sibling names; I really like it. And it’s entirely possible I’m in a nitpicky mood this morning (I’m a little hung over from all the sugar I ate on Mother’s Day), but I see a ton of little things that bug me with the other names on his list: Ethan with your surname makes me think of Ethan Hawke; Reed with your surname makes me see Red _ox; Cole with your surname makes me think of “stone cold _ox”; Jett, Dash, and Maverick are all too nouny/cartoonish with the surname; the Avengers movies are too fresh in my mind for me to choose Ronan; Grayson could shorten to Gray and then you’d have Gray _ox; etc.

From your list, my favorites are Everett, Abram, Benjamin, and Theodore. Benjamin seems extra cute with your surname. Everett seems extra debonair with your surname, and keep in mind that the “no repeating endings” is your own preference and you can override that if you want to for a name that feels worth it. I don’t like the way Charles repeats the -harl- of Harlow. Wright seems difficult to pull off in regular life; it seems like it would be heard confusingly as the word Right, and I am pre-tired of the Mr. Right jokes.

Ezra and Everett strike me as just similar enough to hope for compromise. Do either of you like Elliot (maybe too many shared sounds/letters with Violet) or Emmett?

The repeating -ar- sound of Harlow and Archer does bug me, but everything seems to bug me today. I think if I encountered the sibling group Harlow, Violet, and Archer in real life, I would not give it one second’s thought.

I too dislike the nickname Evan for Evander, even though I like the name Evan. It feels to me as if it doesn’t WORK: EH-ven is not similar enough to the ee-VAN of Evander. It’s more like a coincidence, the way Edith is present in the name Meredith and yet I wouldn’t use it as a nickname.

It’s a little maddening to me that he likes Ronan and Noah, and you like Rowen and Owen, and yet there is no agreement. They are SO CLOSE. In fact, can you spin it that way to him? Owen is all the same sounds as Noah, but rearranged. I know that’s not all there is to a name, but sometimes reducing a name to its sounds can help someone reconsider a name they haven’t given enough consideration to.

I feel dissatisfied with the whole list of names the two of you agree on. I’m glad there’s a lot of time left, because I think it’s going to be needed. Sometimes an unenthusiastic husband with no particular naming style and not much knowledge about names can be persuaded to do the plan where YOU make a list and HE marks the ones he likes from that list, and then you two agree on one of those names he marked. (Ask me how I know.) And although he has some Cool Guy Names on his list, once I cross those out his style looks at least ADJACENT to yours: his Grayson and Easton are similar to your Hudson; his Reed is similar to your Everett; his Noah isn’t far off from your Samuel. Archer and Clark, Ezra and Everett, Ronan and Rowen, Noah and Owen, Grayson and Hudson, Everett and Jett—I feel like there is HOPE here.

I would say you guys seem to like the -ar- sound (Harlow, Charles, Archer, Clark), the long-O sound (Harlow, Violet depending on how you pronounce it, Noah, Owen, Ronan, Rowen, Theodore depending on how you pronounce it), and possibly the D sound (Reed, Jordan, Dash, Hudson, Theodore, Evander) and the K sound (Cole, Maverick, Luke, Clark). You are both at least on board with biblical names (Noah, Ethan, Uriah, Luke, Samuel, Benjamin, Abram). Neither of you minds a one-syllable first name with the one-syllable surname (Reed, Cole, Jett, Dash, Luke, Wright, Clark); neither of you minds noun/word names with the noun/word surname (Violet, Ivy, Reed, Archer, Jett, Dash, Maverick, Wright, Rowen).

I think if I were you I might work on him with your own favorites, or I might start again at the beginning of the baby name book looking for more names that seem to work with your shared preferences. I’d suggest you each mark the names on each other’s list that you feel more warmly toward, even if you wouldn’t want to use those names, and then make a combined list of those names; see if there is anything those names have in common. For example, if from your list he felt most warmly toward Hudson and Clark, and from his list you felt most warmly toward Easton and Grayson, I might point you in the direction of surname names. If on the other hand he chose Everett and Theodore from your list and you chose Reed from his, I might suggest looking for gentleman names.

Some options to consider, if you haven’t already:

Alfred
Alistair
Arthur
Barnaby
Calvin
Daniel
Davis
Dean
Edmund
Elijah
Ezekiel
George
Gideon
Gilbert
Grant
Griffin
Ian
Jasper
Joel
Josiah
Jude
Lincoln
Louis
Malachi
Malcolm
Miller
Nolan
Oliver
Paul
Roman
Simon
Wade
Warren
Wesley
Wilson

Name update:

Good morning Swistle,

Our sweet baby boy arrived just in time for Halloween! I appreciated the responses from you and your readers very much and reflected on them many times through out my pregnancy. We were never able to come up with new names not already mentioned and baby was almost a Benjamin or Ezra!

However, towards the end of my pregnancy, Daddy decided he wanted the baby to be named after him! I was smitten of course! So here is our very own Charles Rowen – baby Charlie. He mostly goes by Monster for now, being born on October 30th and being the boob monster he is… but I think Charlie fits him perfectly.

Thank you again for your help in naming our baby boy –
Morganne

Hi Swistle!

I wrote to you about three years ago now for help with our first daughter (who we didn’t know was a daughter at that point). You and your readers gave us great confidence in our chosen girl’s name at the time, even though the whole discussion was around a male name. We named our daughter Josephine Rose; we call her Posey. We get mostly great feedback on her name on how it fits her and is so sweet, with a bit of confusion every now and again on why we didn’t just go with Josie (which they call her at daycare)…she just has a lot of names. But I think already, at the age 2.5, she understands her names and I don’t need to worry.

Here we are again, this time knowing we are having another daughter at the end of August! She is most likely our last baby. I’m quite excited to know this is a girl, as it makes me feel like the naming process may be just a bit more simple…maybe.

My husband and I have quite different naming styles (especially when it came to boys, so, phew!). He leans towards nicknames and only nicknames (no formal name) like Buck or Skeeter (for real). If it were a boy, we were leaning towards Sebastian, with the nickname of Bash.

Most of me wants a longer, “formal” name with a sweet, vintage-ish nickname, to match her sister, but I’m not sure how important this really is. I really love the name Mae, and think the pairing of Posey & Mae couldn’t be cuter, but I can’t find a name I LOVE to derive Mae from. I just can’t get on board with Margaret. I know full well that we can go with Mae as the name, but can’t get over how I would love to have a longer name.

So far, our names are:

Mae
Mabel (this is number one for me, but we happen to know a few children with this name, which isn’t a deal breaker)
Margot (could we call her Mae? I love Margot on its own, as well.)
Ramona (Mona or Mo which is my sister’s nn, do Posey and Mo sound too rhyme-y?)
Matilda (Mae or Tilly)
Henrietta (Hattie)
Pearl
Bernadette (husband’s suggestion, wants to call her Bernie)

The middle name will most likely be Patricia, after my momma. I’m a huge fan of names sounding good together (as I am sure we all are on this blog!), so it’s a must that it pairs well with Josephine and Posey.

What are we missing?

Thanks so much for reading through this lengthy ramble and for your help!

xo Kim, Joe and Posey Lauren-with-a-D

In your shoes I too would be leaning toward another long name with nickname options. I’d know it wouldn’t HAVE to be that—but that is what the heart would want.

I was all set to recommend Rosemary as a long form of Mae, and then I realized you could end up with Posey and Rosie. (And also Josephine’s middle name is Rose.) I am not much bothered by the potential for rhyming nicknames, but it would be something I’d want to have thought about ahead of time.

Magnolia? I think you could get Mae out of that. And she’d have Maggie and Nola and so forth if she wanted them. Josephine and Magnolia; Posey and Mae; Josie and Maggie.

Or Maeve is pretty, though it doesn’t satisfy my inclination toward a longer name. Josephine and Maeve; Posey and Mae.

I think Mabel is a great idea, and agree that knowing a couple of other Mabels doesn’t have to rule it out.

Margo(t) could have the nickname Mo, if you wanted.

Bernadette is nice; other nickname options include Bennie, Betty, and Birdie. I especially like Birdie with Posey.

I am very fond of the name Henrietta and would love to see it used more.

I decided as I began this post that I would not try to push you into using Margaret: you have stated firmly that you just can’t get on board with it, and that is something I should respect. BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH. Margaret with your surname!! Josephine and Margaret!!! Posey and Mae, Josie and Maggie, Posey and Daisy, Josie and Maisy, Jo and Meg, ohhhhhhhhh!!! I require my fainting couch.

Well. Well. I will not push. (Any more.)

Beatrix or Beatrice? Josephine and Beatrix; Posey and Bee; Josie and Bea.

Or Penelope. Josephine and Penelope; Posey and Penny (fainting couch); Josie and Nell.

Or Millicent. Josephine and Millicent; Posey and Milly; Josie and Millie.

Name update:

Hi Swistle!

Here with an update, thanks so much to your readers and you for the awesome advice!

Mae Patricia Doren was born on 8/25. We decided after going through all the formal names that Mae could be derived from, we really just wanted her to be called Mae.

I love how it mirrors her sister in syllables, Josephine Rose, and how simple and sweet it is, just like her personality so far!

Posey loves her but still refers to her as “new baby” – we will get there!

Thanks again, here are my girls. ❤️

Dear Swistle,

Ten years ago you helped us consider names for our first born, Emilia Corinne.

Our last name is Hw@ng (pronounced H-wahhhng, soft A).

Emilia went on to have a brother, Mateo, followed by another brother Noah.

We find ourselves attempting to name a baby girl due in September.

I love names with vowels and flowy/romantic names.

I couldn’t be more pleased with Emilia as a name, for example, and comically have found myself drifting towards varieties of this name before having to slap myself awake that I have already used that name.

The list is not complete, but we have:

Audrey (classic, beautiful, sophisticated)
Eloise (nn Ellie which I find darling) — though I worry that it is hard for people to pronounce and figure out at least at first.
Hannah (nice alliteration with our last name but worry it might be too close to Noah and want her to have her own name)
Olivia (if this name weren’t so popular this would be my choice but I worry she will have other Olivias in her class)
Lucia (loo-see-uh variety of pronunciation); this was my initial gut reaction but I have heard that this name leaves a lot of ambiguity for pronunciation and I would hate to have a confusing name)

I am very open to other suggestions that might work well with the siblings! We were on a Latino name kick with Emilia and Mateo, deviated a bit for Noah, so doesn’t have to be a Spanish name.

So grateful for your help!

Many thanks,

Erica

I am trying to decide whether or not to push you toward using Olivia. In its favor:

1. You say it would be your choice if it weren’t for the popularity, and I am not keen on ruling out favorite names just because of popularity.
2. It’s very similar to the name Emilia in style and sound.

Against it:

1. She might very well have another Olivia in class some years, and I would not want to feel your reproachful eyes cast in my direction at those times.
2. It may be TOO similar to the name Emilia.

According to the Social Security Administration, the name Olivia is almost exactly as popular as the name Noah. In 2017, Noah was the second most popular boy name in the United States, and Olivia was the second most popular girl name. That year there were 18,326 new baby boys named Noah and 18,632 new baby girls named Olivia. And so if you used the name Noah despite the popularity, it seems as if you shouldn’t have to sacrifice the name Olivia. But perhaps it’s your experience with the name Noah that is leading you to want something less popular this time.

The name Lydia has a somewhat similar sound and I like it with the other kids’ names. Emilia, Mateo, Noah, and Lydia.

Liviana is pretty, too.

And I’ll suggest Silvia again: it repeats several of the sounds of Olivia, but it’s used much less often. Emilia, Mateo, Noah, and Silvia.

I love the name Eloise and I don’t think of it as a challenging name, but perhaps people who have more experience with the name in action could weigh in on that.

The name Lucia does have more than one pronunciation and that might make it a little confusing—but it’s not a very difficult name even so; and I notice you’ve loved that name for at least a decade now, and that counts for something too. And I think it’s very nice with Emilia. And loo-SEE-ah would be my first guess, if I were guessing. When the name Lucy came back into fashion, there was a scramble to find long-forms, and Lucia was one that came up often; I think this has caused the loo-SEE-ah pronunciation to pull ahead in my mind.

Or would you like the name Cecily? Emilia, Mateo, Noah, and Cecily.

Or Linnea (lin-NAY-ah). Emilia, Mateo, Noah, and Linnea.

Or Clarissa. Emilia, Mateo, Noah, and Clarissa.

Name update:

Hello:

A few months ago I wrote in about our fourth child due in September. She arrived healthy and well. In the hospital I had planned to see her face and decide between Clara and Sophia. However she didn’t look like those names at all. Oddly enough I felt she needed a 3 letter name. Intentionally or unintentionally we have dropped syllables over time. We have Emilia, Mateo, Noah and now we have little Lua. I joke that it is part of our gradual parenting simplification process.

Lua means moon in Portuguese. It is also a name of a wonderful historic figure of the Baha’i Faith, Lua Getsinger. She was an early Baha’i and there are many stories of her sacrifice and devotion to those in need, so it feels to be an inspiring name.

The name suits her perfectly.

Three weeks after she was born I suffered a carotid dissection and small stroke. I have recovered well but could have been much worse. Thus, her birth will forever be linked to virtues of resilience and gratitude. I am doing well and so grateful to be here and have her in my arms.

Many thanks and much love,

Erica

Hi Swistle – I’m a long-time reader and a name nerd for as long as I can remember. I’m due in early April. We don’t know the sex, but we already have a girl name picked out (Len@ Gr@ce), in honor of my husband’s grandmother. Our last name is one syllable; it sounds like “rush” with a P in front of it.

We’re having trouble with boy names. My husband and I have very different tastes, with a few random exceptions. My style is perhaps best described as middle-aged man names, preferably with cute nicknames (Gerald/Jerry, Henry/Hank, Francis/Frankie, Carl, Dean, Russel/Russ, Charles/Chaz). I want to use Francis Xavier, in honor of my grandfather, and also just because I really love the name.

However, my husband really dislikes Francis/Frankie, although he does like Xavier. His other favorites: Octavius, Cassius, Casimir, Ax.

There is one name we both love: Thomas/Tommy. Here’s the catch: we already have a 2-year-old son named Jerry (Ger@ld J0seph).

So what do you think – can we use Thomas? Normally, I’d agree with the majority of the people I’ve polled already, and say absolutely not. However, we’ve always loved it; we think it’s perfect, style-wise, with Jerry, and it seems silly to rule out a name based on something that might only be an issue for the relatively short period of our lives when the two kids are always together. I also wondered who even watches that cartoon anymore, but apparently there have been several reboots over the years, with new episodes as recently as 2018.

I myself have raised an eyebrow at less-egregious sibling name pairs. Am I setting us up to be laughed at? I want 4 kids, and I realize it’d be better to wait and use Tommy for the third or fourth, when there would be another kid in-between to water down the association. I’d really appreciate a fresh perspective and your unbiased advice on this dilemma.

If you have any suggestions of other names we might like, we’re all ears! We both like Henry/Hank, but I’m hesitant to use it, only because if my husband ever comes around to Frankie for a future child, we definitely couldn’t use it if we already have a Hank.

Thanks in advance!

I think this is the sort of thing where you might decide to avoid Tom/Jerry as an impossible combination, but I also think you could choose to just LEAN INTO it: use the names and shrug cheerfully and enjoy the coincidence. I’m glad you’re considering having more children, because I think you might want more time to think about which way to go, and it’s nice to know this probably isn’t your only chance. My personal hope is that this baby will be a girl, postponing the decision and adding a spacer-name at the same time.

It would probably sacrifice the name Henry, but would you like the name Harvey? I love it with your naming style, and it avoids the Hank/Frank problem. One issue is that there isn’t a natural nickname for it.

One of my kids has a friend named Johnny, a surprisingly fresh-sounding option, though probably too similar to Jerry.

Another name in that category is Robert/Robbie: I find I’m ready to hear it again. Gerald and Robert; Jerry and Robbie.

Or Edward/Eddie/Ted/Ned. Gerald and Edward; Jerry and Eddie.

Similar enough to Thomas/Tommy that you have likely already considered it: Timothy/Timmy. Gerald and Timothy; Jerry and Timmy.

I love the name Carl, and even more spelled Karl. I want to talk your husband into using it.

I recently heard of the nickname Hodge used for the name Roger, and it made me see the name with new eyes. Gerald and Roger; Jerry and Hodge. I don’t know if I like Roger with your surname, though; it feels a little difficult to say.

I love Albert and Alfred, with the nickname Al for either, or else Bertie/Freddie. Gerald and Albert; Jerry and Bertie. Gerald and Alfred; Gerald and Freddie.

We had Alan on our boy-name list. Gerald and Alan; Jerry and Al.

Are we ready to hear Howard again? Gerald and Howard; Jerry and Howie.

Or Leonard? Gerald and Leonard; Jerry and Lenny.

I am ready to hear Douglas again. Gerald and Douglas; Jerry and Doug. Not sure about it with the surname.

One of my favorite retro nicknames for Charles is Chip. Gerald and Charles; Jerry and Chip.

There was a Beverly Cleary book called Fifteen that I must have read a dozen times as a youngish teenager. The cute boy in that book is named Stan, forever influencing my opinion of that name. Gerald and Stanley; Jerry and Stan.

The show Everybody Loves Raymond, and the actor Ray Romano, influenced my opinion of that name. Gerald and Raymond; Jerry and Ray.

Name update:

Thank you all for your input and well-thought our suggestions and advice!!
We ended up having a boy (just as I suspected), and named him Francis Xavier! We call him Frankie!
Jerry loves his “Baby Frankie” And is adjusting well to sharing his mommy and daddy and to bring a big brother!

Dear Swistle,

My husband and I are due in one month (April 6th) with our second son and most likely our last child.

Our first son is Everett James (Ev). My husband’s name is James, and my name is Katelyn (Katie). Our last name sounds like Giant but with a W.

We plan on using David for the middle name, but we are stuck on the first name. We would love for our son to have a strong first name with a great short nickname like his brother.

Initially we loved Theodore (Teddy) because our baby looked like a teddy bear in his first sonogram, but after some more thought, we felt that it was a little old-fashioned for us and the nicknames of Theo and Teddy didn’t feel like the right fit.

After looking at many baby name books, we settled on Griffin for most of the pregnancy, but in the last couple of weeks, we’ve started to question that choice because we don’t like the nicknames Griff or Finn. We still love the name, but we just aren’t completely sure about it.

In the past couple of weeks, we landed on Max. It is a strong name, and we love it. The only issue is that we don’t like any of the long forms of the name – Maxwell, Maximus, etc., so it would just be Max. We’re not sure if that’s too short of a name for a birth certificate.

Some other names that we’ve considered and rejected are: Henry, Peter, Thomas, Sidney, Ethan, Mitchell, Jackson, William, Jonah, Maddox, and Bradley.

If the baby was a girl, the top names would be Posey, Eleanora, or Anna.

We could really use your help!

Thanks and best wishes,

Katie

There are types/categories of nicknames, and I’m not clear on the lines between all of them (and I don’t think there ARE clear lines between them), but there are some I consider Nickname Nicknames (such as Max for Maxwell, or Will for William), and some I think of more as…abbreviations, or short forms, or something that is a nickname but not in the same way. I think one way to help find the line is whether or not the child would write the nickname on a school paper. I would say generally yes for Max, but generally no for Ev—though of course it would vary from person to person. Still, in general I would think an Everett would not typically write Ev on a school paper, even if it were common for his parents to say “Hey Ev, time for dinner.”

In fact, I would generally think of Everett as a name that didn’t have a natural nickname: if parents said a nickname was important to them, I would not suggest the name Everett. So when you ask me to find another name with a great short nickname like Everett/Ev, I’m not sure what to search for. I’m not sure if I should look for names that DO have what I consider great short nicknames (the Maxwell/Max, Benjamin/Ben, Samuel/Sam category), or if I should look for names similar to Everett/Ev (the Simon/Si, Emmett/Em, Keegan/Keeg category). My plan, then, is to look for names I think go well with Everett, and then just see what is available for nicknames and short forms.

I suggest Oliver, nickname Ollie. Everett and Oliver, Ev and Ollie.

Or Frederick, nickname Freddie. Everett and Frederick, Ev and Freddie.

Or Louis, nickname Louie. Everett and Louis, Ev and Louie.

Or Nolan, though I’m not sure about a nickname. Nole? Lannie? Perhaps one would emerge on its own. Everett and Nolan.

Or Charles, nickname Charlie. Everett and Charles, Ev and Charlie.

Or Malcolm, nickname Mal. Everett and Malcolm, Ev and Mal.

Or Franklin, nickname Frankie. Everett and Franklin, Ev and Frankie.

Or Calvin, nickname Cal. Everett and Calvin, Ev and Cal.

Or George, nickname Georgie. Everett and George, Ev and Georgie.

Or August, nickname Gus. Everett and August, Ev and Gus.

The name Max feels to me as if it goes with brothers named Jack and Sam, while Everett feels as if it goes with somewhat dressier names such as Jasper and Simon. And I don’t like the way the -x of Max blends into the Wy- of the surname: I get an unpleasant “kswy” sound. And it doesn’t meet your preference for another name/nickname combination. But both Everett and Max are vintage-revival names, so their styles overlap; and I don’t think the name Max is too short for a birth certificate if you don’t like the longer forms.

Name update:

Dear Swistle,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful naming advice and the wonderful input from your readers! Our baby boy arrived a month ago, and we ended up naming him Max. We are so happy and grateful for your help!

Best wishes,
Katie

Hi Swistle,

I’m due in 2 weeks with baby #3, a girl, and our last baby. I have a girl named Jane (always goes by Janie) and a Maxwell (nearly always Max). I swore if I ever had another girl, I’d name her Audrey. I’ve loved the name forever.

Somewhere in this pregnancy, though, I also fell in love with the name Nellie. We’d use it as a stand alone, mostly because we don’t love any of the more formal names for which it has been derived. I feel like it works alone as it was in the top 20 in the early 1900s for years. My kids love the name, my husband loves it and really I love it too. But I’m so worried that I’ll regret never using Audrey. I’d bump Audrey to the middle spot, but we’ve already selected a family name for the middle from my husband’s side (which has been largely neglected during the naming of all of our children). Do you or readers have thoughts or clever solutions?

Other considerations: I’m worried about my Janie feeling like her name is “boring”, so I’m resistant to using more flamboyant names (Penelope comes to mind). Our last name starts with M and we already have a Max so I’d like to avoid using other M names.

Thanks!

One possibility is that you love the name Audrey, you have always loved the name Audrey, you WILL always love the name Audrey, and you are just having a little fling with the name Nellie—but will come back to Audrey in the end (though we are running out of time for that to happen). Another possibility is that you love and have always loved and will always love the name Audrey, but now you have discovered the name Nellie and so all names have been re-ranked, and the challenger has defeated the champion.

I’m interested to know what the situation was with your first daughter’s name. Had you always loved the names Jane and Audrey, and it was a huge struggle to decide which name to use first, and you finally decided on Jane but with the comforting thought that you could use the name Audrey next time? Or was the name Jane the clear favorite over the name Audrey? Or was the name Audrey the favorite, but there was another motivating reason (honor name, etc.) to use the name Jane?

All of these things factor into the current decision, and I can’t tell from the letter which things are most likely to be the case. This is the kind of thing that would work best over coffee and doughnuts, while sitting in comfy chairs. We would pick through it piece by piece, and doughnut by doughnut.

It is not uncommon to decide on a name, and then get nearly to the point of using the name and decide against using it. Sometimes it’s that a name seems like a great idea until an actual baby is on the way / almost born, at which point things click into a new kind of reality and the name doesn’t seem right at all. Sometimes it’s that a name is the chosen name for so long, it gets a little…stale, or something. Sometimes a name that would have been EXACTLY RIGHT at one point in time is, for whatever reason, no longer exactly right at a different point in time. Sometimes a better name comes along. It can then feel weird to change one’s mind—and, for some of us, it can feel worryingly RIPE FOR REGRET. What if we wish we’d stuck to our original decision??

And our fears are not totally baseless, because it’s also not uncommon to decide on a name, and then get a crush on another name and go spinning out on that idea for a bit, but then come back with relief to the original decision. I am susceptible to that myself: Paul and I agree on a list of names, we decide on one name from that list—and then I hear a name on TV and OH MY GOSH I LOVE THAT NAME, WHAT IF THAT IS THE NAME?? But soon the name-crush fades and I’m back to our previous choice and glad the baby wasn’t born during that brief interlude when I was entertaining another name.

But sometimes a name turns out to be not a crush but a dark horse. When Paul and I were naming Henry, we were down to two finalists, one of which was the near-certain front-runner but I didn’t want to give up discussing the other option yet, when abruptly a new name came out of nowhere: we had never considered it for any of our babies before. I thought it might just be a name crush, but after awhile it seemed more as if the reason we couldn’t commit to either of the two finalists was that neither of them was Right, and this new name was Right, and we did use it, and I’m glad. (I do think our previous finalist would have been a really good choice too, though, and I don’t think I’d have been sorry if we’d used it.)

I think it can help to differentiate between a DECISION and an INTENTION. You can decide at age 12 to name a future daughter Emily because it is the most beautiful and perfect name in the world—but a couple of decades and an acquired co-parent and several actual pregnancies and a decade of Top-Ten Emilys later, that decision turns out to have been an INTENTION: the elements of the decision were not yet in place at age 12, so no decision was actually made. You weren’t 12 in your situation, but I would still say you intended to name your second daughter Audrey, but now that all the elements of the decision are actually in place, this is when you get to make the actual decision. I don’t think you should feel bound by your earlier intention (if you ARE feeling at all bound by it).

It has helped me, with time, to find that I maintain tender feelings for names we almost used, but in not a single case so far do I wish we’d used the Almost name instead. I think you can pick Nellie/Audrey (whichever you end up preferring) as the given name, and end up just feeling ever-tender toward the name Audrey/Nellie. I have several Almosts on my naming list, and I mention them pretty often on this blog in the hopes that others will use them, and I use a couple of them as pseudonyms for the kids, and I have secret hopes of seeing any of them used for grandchildren—but I don’t have any serious regrets about not using them. More like a fun “That was the name we Almost Used for you!”—but the name we Actually Used seems better.

I think one option is to name her Audrey and nickname her Nellie. I can be on the conservative end of the spectrum about nicknames, and so you might expect me to be opposed to such an idea—but in this particular case it seems like it has the potential to solve the whole thing nicely. Anyone wondering about the connection can be told a cheery “She just SEEMED like a Nellie!”: even I, so conservative about nicknames, would think “Oh! Okay! That makes sense! Sometimes things happen that way!” And the name Audrey doesn’t have other any natural nicknames to fight for the role. And I like the parallel set-up of Jane/Maxwell/Audrey and Janie/Max/Nellie (instead of Nellie being the only one who has just one version of her name), and I like the idea of her ending up with a more formal name if she wants one later on, without you feeling forced to choose a traditional long-form you don’t like much. And the combination Audrey/Nellie sounds right to me in a way that makes me wonder if I once read a book with an Audrey called Nellie. And also I just for whatever reason want you to have BOTH. I am perhaps getting soft in my later years.

Oh wait! I have had another idea, and it is my top favorite: name her Nell. (Unless you already considered that option among other more-formal names for Nellie, but I am imagining you were thinking more along the lines of Eleanor and Penelope, because of the reference to not wanting to get fancier than Jane.) It’s less diminutive than Nellie as a given name, while still letting you use the diminutive as you do with the name Jane/Janie, and it gives her a name/nickname just like her siblings. Jane, Maxwell, and Nell; Janie, Max, and Nellie. My one concern is that this option highlights the similarity between the -ell of Maxwell and the -ell- in Nellie.

And I think it’s worth reconsidering the middle name situation to decide which option the two of you like better / feel better about: using the honor name, or having a way to salvage/save the name Audrey. Sometimes honor names just don’t come out even, and that’s okay, especially if this is a situation where your husband’s family has been honored in everyone’s surname.

Name update:

Hi Swistle,

I wrote you a few weeks ago on my naming dilemma (a sister for Janie and Max). My husband and I poured over the comments for the last few weeks, rereading them in the hospital in the hours following the birth of our little girl. We even briefly considered naming her Anneliese (nn Nell/Nellie).

We finally settled on Nell Audrey Mae Mxxxx. So far, we mostly call her Nellie Mae or Nellie girl. We love the simplicity/dignity of Nell and the sweetness of Nellie. We weren’t sure about having two middle names, but Audrey and Mae are family names from opposite sides, and the longer length of the double middle seems to balance the shortness of Nell. Thank you so much to you and your readers for all the help and input!

Hi Swistle,

I wrote to you over 6 years ago and you and your readers were instrumental in helping us choose a name for baby #3. After 6 years of begging my husband, baby #4 (due in March) is a dream come true. My twelve year old daughter is Violet Noelle, nine year old son is Scott Brian, and our six year old is Simon Cooper. Again our last name is Wylie.

I know I’m struggling because I’m worrying too much about choosing the perfect name for our last baby, who is a GIRL!! Also, when I started naming babies 12 years ago my list felt fresh and now it feels dated.

Names my husband has vetoed:
Wren
Lane
Fiona
Olive

Names that I like that are too popular where I live:
Hazel
Lucy
Ruby

 

The names we’re considering now:

Vivian- I like Vivian but worry it’s too matchy with Violet.

Lila Jane- Lila is my husband’s favorite but he acknowledges that names are more important to me than him :) Sometimes I think I should just let him have this name but I can’t get past that it blends in with all the Layla’s, Lily’s, Leah’s, etc. Plus I don’t love that I would have a Vi, Si, and a Li. That would leave my Scott a little left out.

Calla- This feels like a modern choice but with a soft sound. My concern is that it’s less established than my other kids’ names.

Hannah- I know this one is pretty popular but there aren’t many where I live. It also has a soft sound and is biblical in the same way Simon is.

PLEASE HELP. Am I missing something? For middles, I like Rose or Bea. I’ve also been trying to brainstorm a middle name that is Springy since sister Violet has a middle name that’s very winter when she was born. I think a middle name that perhaps ties her to her sister Violet would be nice.

I think Vivian is great. It’s visually similar to Violet, but when said aloud it shares only the initial sound. It pleases me that this situation is parallel to the boys’ names: Scott and Simon (five letters starting with S, but different number of syllables and very different sounds), Violet and Vivian (six letters starting with V, but different number of syllables depending on how you say them, and very different sounds).

Lila sounds much more similar to Violet to me, despite the different first initials: those repeating L and long-I sounds in Violet and Lila really catch my ear. And I don’t like it at all with the surname: if she were called Lila Jane without exception, that sounds okay—but without the Jane, Lila Wylie is right on the edge of being comical. Since Lila is your husband’s favorite, I might try to make it work as a middle name.

Calla Wylie is a little hard for me to say with the surname, but not at a deal-breaking level. I like the flower theme with her sister’s name. I think it goes well with the other names, and I think there’s room to spread out a little when it’s a fourth child after a six-year gap: style coordination feels less important, even for someone like me who enjoys some good sibling-name coordination. It’s just so understandable that the parents’ naming style could have shifted, in addition to the change in naming trends in general.

I wonder if you’d like Lillian. It’s somewhat similar to both Lila and Vivian. Lillian Wylie. Violet, Scott, Simon, and Lillian.

Or Lydia: a little bit like Lila, plus biblical like Simon. Lydia Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Lydia.

Or Claudia. Claudia Wylie; Vivian, Scott, Simon, and Claudia. I love this name and it would have been fairly high on my own list if it hadn’t also been the name of Paul’s high school girlfriend.

Something from the Cora/Clara/Nora category? I like all of those with Violet.

Or Josephine. Josephine Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, Josephine.

Or Beatrix. Beatrix Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Beatrix. But perhaps “Bea Wylie” sounds like an instruction.

Or Minerva. Minerva Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Minerva.

Or Celeste. Celeste Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Celeste.

Or Louise. Louise Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Louise.

Oh! Maybe Margaret? Margaret Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Margaret. It gives you three names ending in T, but that’s fairly subtle.

I wonder if you’d like Anna instead of Hannah? It has a trim refreshing feel/sound to me recently. Anna Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Anna.

Rose has extra freshness as a first name, especially with Violet, and I love it with the surname; and having just one syllable ties it nicely with the name Scott. In fact, look at all the ties: Violet and Rose are both flower names; Scott and Rose are both one-syllable names; Violet and Simon both have the long-I sound; Violet and Scott both end in T; and all four names have the letter O. Rose Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Rose.

For springy middle names, I wonder if Wren could be saved from the veto list: sometimes a No for a first name can still work as a middle. Or the name Spring is pretty. Or what about Robin? Sweet and associated with spring. Or lots of flower names feel spring-like: Tulip, Hyacinth, Daffodil, Pansy, Bluebell, Primrose, Iris, Lily, Dahlia, Calla, Azalea, Lilac (similar to Lila), Daisy.

Name update:

Hi Swistle and Readers,

Thank you so much for your thoughts and opinions in naming baby #4. She was born on March 28th. We decided to name her Vivian Joy Wylie. We love her name and we love her even more!

Dear Swistle,

I’ve been an avid reader of your blog since I was pregnant with our first, and I’m coming to you for some naming advice for our third and last child… a third boy.

Older children are Benjamin Wesley (Benji / Ben) and Zachary Owen (Zachi / Zack). My husband’s name is Bradley (Brad) and I’m Jacquelyn (Jacqui). Our last name is a two-syllable Dutch name that starts with “van” and the ending rhymes with “ant”.

Sadly, boy names are really hard for us and we have an intentional naming pattern going with our two older boys: 3-syllable first name with a Biblical connection and a 2-syllable middle with a “w” in there somewhere.

We like the name Matthew for a middle, and it fits the naming pattern perfectly. But we’re struggling with the first name.

After a long search, we finally decided that Jeremy (nn Remy) is our favorite and the top contender of an extremely short list. My only concern is that it has a similar ending sound as Zachary: Benjamin, Zachary, and Jeremy. Would people assume the younger two are twins with “matchy” names?

Granted, all three of our boys are/will be very close in age (17 months apart and 16 months), so maybe the twin thing is a moot point. We will be fielding those questions because of their ages anyway. We are already getting questions on whether our two older boys are twins because they are almost the same height now. So maybe I am over-thinking the matchiness of the names… and we should go with the name we both love.

Thanks for your advice.
~Jacquelyn

I think these are all non-issues. No, I don’t think the names Zachary and Jeremy are so matchy that people will wonder based on names alone if they are twins. No, I don’t that would be a negative thing even if someone did manage to wonder that. No, I don’t think you have to repeat a naming pattern you’ve done only twice, especially when it includes specifications such as “two-syllable middle name containing a W,” which is one of the most arbitrary naming patterns I have ever heard of. Since you HAVE found a two-syllable middle name containing a W and ALSO you’ve found a three-syllable first name with a biblical connection, AND those names are your top choices and you agree on them, there is no problem here for us to solve. Yes, you are over-thinking the matchiness of the names, and you should go with the name you both love. It’s a great name.

If you were less happy with your choice, I would be leaning hard on you to get rid of some of these requirements. If, for example, these are your top names from names that meet those specifications, but they’d be very low on your list if all names were considered, then I think it would be worth starting over. When parents are struggling with names, that is not the appropriate time to add a bunch of hard and unnecessary and completely voluntary filters that dramatically reduce the number of choices. There I was, reading the letter: “Sadly, boy names are really hard for us” and I was nodding along—and then I read “3-syllable first name with a Biblical connection and a 2-syllable middle with a ‘w’ in there somewhere” and I said, out loud, “COME ON.” Why would you do that to yourselves? You are having three boys in under three years and boy names are hard for you; are you trying to make this into some sort of Iron Man Reality TV Ultra Challenge Naming Event?

Do you know how many people over the years will say, “Ah, I see what you did there: 3-syllable first name with a Biblical connection and a 2-syllable middle with a ‘w’ in there somewhere!” Nor do I, but I can tell you the number will be very, very low. Even Swistle, with her rabid and unceasing interest in names and naming stories, would not have picked up on all the elements of that theme. And here you are, wringing your hands over this while pregnant and dealing with two babies already! This doesn’t have to be this hard.

If you are happy with the name Jeremy Matthew, then you are DONE! You have done it: you have found a third name that fits the same specifications as the first two names, and you can rest easy—or rather you can continue to be busy and exhausted, because there is not much resting in the toddler-and-a-baby-and-pregnant stage. If on the other hand you have chosen these names only to meet voluntary/unnecessary preferences, and you don’t actually like the names very much, then ditch the preferences and start over fresh with an EASIER task: finding a nice solid name you both like, without worrying about syllables and W’s.

Name update:

Hi Swistle and Readers! First, I would like to thank everyone for your thoughts and suggestions on our naming dilemma. We thought everything through again, tried a few alternatives, and kept coming back to the same name. Jeremy Matthew, nn Remy, arrived two weeks early on June 10th, and the name fits him quite well.

Hello Swistle!

I am due on March 26th with our first child, a boy, and my husband and I are paralyzed by naming indecision! I recently discovered your blog and it feels like a god send!

Our last name is Marnik and we’ve decided to use the middle name George because it has rich family significance for both sides of our family.

Names we both like but are currently unsure about with the other names are:

1. Owen
2. Levi
3. Caleb
4. Liam
5. Carter
6. Ethan
7. Wyatt
8. Jeremiah
9. Louis

I also love the name Lincoln but my husband doesn’t like it, especially since the whole double president connection with both first and middle names. I also love Asher, but my husband hates it too. He likes names that are not super unique, while I would be willing to go a bit more “out there”.

We both like Liam, but are hesitant to choose that one because its in the top 5 names right now. We also love Noah, but can’t use that name due to my sister choosing that for her son.

We plan to have at least 2 or 3 more children. If this one had been a girl we were going to name her Adelaide or Amelia (with the middle name Lois for my grandmother who recently passed away).

Thanks so much for any advice or new suggestions you can give us! This naming this is so much harder than I thought it would be!

The name Caleb caught my attention because I really like that name, but then I said it with the surname and found it difficult to say: the -b of Caleb disappears into the M- of Marnik and I get something that sounds more like Kayla Marnik. Liam Marnik turns into Leah Marnik.

Carter Marnik has repeating -ar- and c/k sounds that bother my ear, but that’s a very subjective thing. I have a little trouble saying Wyatt Marnik, but I can’t put a finger on why.

My top favorites from your list are Owen and Louis. More possibilities:

Aaron
Benjamin
Charles (repeating -ar-)
Daniel
Elijah
Elliot
Evan
Ezra
Gabriel
Henry
Ian
Jonathan
Judah
Leo
Nathaniel
Nolan
Oliver
Wesley
Wilson

I would have suggested Joel and James and John, but I don’t like them with the middle name.

You wouldn’t want to use George as the first name, would you? I just love it, and particularly with the surname. George Marnik. So handsome! But I can see many reasons to keep honor names in the middle.

Name update:

Hi Swistle!

Thank you so much for your name help! Our little guy was born 9 days late on April 5th and after much back and forth my husband and I decided to name him Owen George Marnik. We think it fits him perfectly and a very happy to have Owen in our lives!

Thanks again for your help!