Author Archives: Swistle

Baby Boy Walsh or Walsh-Stakland

Hello,

I just had my baby via emergency c-section at 26 weeks. He came out weighing 1.8 pounds, and we’re taking it day-by-day hoping that he continues to get stronger. We don’t want to leave him without a name for long, but we’re struggling to find something we feel right about. Can you help?? 🙏

1. Walsh, or potentially that hyphenated with Stakland

2. Boy

3. We live in the US

4. We are liking the name Kai or Kylo but are slightly wary of the popularity of it due to the association with the Star Wars franchise.

Please please help.

Stef

 

I hope you will find yourself able to take the time you need. The baby is earlier than expected; you thought you had more time to decide on a name, but suddenly he is here. It can feel like there needs to be a huge panicky rush to catch up. But everyone including the baby will understand if you need some time to adjust to this new schedule of events. I would want to bring you a copy of The Baby Name Wizard, and then have you do a little pretend play: one of you say to the other one “Oh, honey, the baby will be here in the next couple weeks; we should really buckle down and choose his name now!” Some urgency, but not RUSH. Get out a baby name book (or a baby name website) and a notepad and pen; make lists. Take some time.

I mention The Baby Name Wizard specifically, even though it’s more than a decade old now, because it sorts names into categories, and that can be very helpful for making some big narrowing-down leaps. If the two of you go through it together, you might be able to rapidly determine that you like this category and that category, but not this other category or this one either. You can look up names you already know you like, and see if you like any of the other names in those categories. Once you have some categories you like, you can go through the lists of names in those categories similarly rapidly: okay, you like this name and this name and this name, and the other parent likes this name and this name and…oh, hey, this same name you liked! Score!

The book also contains suggested brother/sister names, which are more like “If you like _____, you might also like ______” suggestions. The listing for Kylo suggests Finnick, Dash, Neo, Axel, Arrow, Knox; the listing for Kai suggests Finn, Axel, Rowan, Luca, Rune, Taj.

Kylo was ruined for me by the Star Wars character. Kai still feels available. Milo is still available; Miles is still available; Theo and Hugo and Leo and Nico, still available. Kian, Keegan, Keane, Ian, Eli, Ty, Ike, Simon, Cade.

Speed is important, so I will get this posted. Let the commenters start work on it while you get some rest, and get out the notepad tomorrow.

Baby Girl Mc_____ery; Using the Names of Miscarried Siblings as Honor Names

Hello, dear Swistle!

I mentioned to you on Twitter this past fall that I was bereft to not have a baby boy to name Alfred, because I’d just met a three year old named Alfred and was completely charmed. My ovaries said, “What’s that? You’d like another baby? We can arrange for that!” My husband Kevin and I were QUITE surprised to find out we’re expecting again—we definitely thought we were done—but we are also delighted. And now to choose a name for this little one before she arrives in June! Normally I love thinking about and discussing baby names, but I’ve had a lot of other stressors going on this pregnancy and haven’t spent a lot of time on it since I was really early in my pregnancy. I’m hoping your and your readers’ thoughts might help me get excited about the naming process.

Surname is four syllables. It starts with Mc- and ends with -ery. It’s a similar rhythm to McAllister, but that -ee ending makes a lot of names sound sing-song-y.

We are having a girl, so Alfred is out. Here are the sibling names (there are a lot of them):

—Emeline Anne (Last syllable with a long I sound, rhymes with Caroline as opposed to Pauline. Goes by Emmy.)
—Samuel Albert (Sam or Sammy)
—Lucy Eleanor (miscarried girl)
—Theodore Peter (Theo)
—Quinn Enoch (miscarried, sex unknown)
—Grace Elizabeth (miscarried girl)
—Poppy James (miscarried, sex unknown)
—Benjamin Charles (Ben or Benji)

So the living siblings are Emmy, Sam, Theo, and Benji on a day-to-day basis. I feel quite married to a long name with a nickname, because there are FOUR other kids in the family with this precedent.

All eight of my other children have honor names for their middle names.
We definitely sacrificed the flow of some of the names (or chose less than ideal initials) for the chance to honor loved ones. For this baby, we are leaning towards honoring my husband’s grandmother. Her name is Evenelle (spelled a little differently, but changed for the sake of not being so Google-able). Her parents, who immigrated to the US, apparently made up this name to sound like an American name. She generally goes by Evie (Eh-vee, as opposed to Eve-ee). Depending on the flow with the first name I’m open to either Evenelle or Evie. However, my son Theo has his heart set on naming the baby Joy, so we’re also considering that for a middle name. (Side question: would it be weird to give this baby two middle names if none of the siblings have two middle names?)

I’ve thought about naming this baby Elizabeth Eleanor both in honor of her two miscarried sisters and in honor of the family members for whom I originally chose the names, but I’m not sure how that would feel for my newest daughter as she grows up. When I think about if I would like to be named after two miscarried siblings, now as an adult I could appreciate it, but I don’t know that I’d have understood as a child. I do LOVE both of these names and my husband is on board with this idea, but I’m leaning towards scrapping it. I’d be interested in your thoughts and your readers’ thoughts, though. If we DID do this I love the wealth of nickname options with Elizabeth. I’m leaning towards Lizzy or Izzy.

Okay, beyond Elizabeth Eleanor, here is my list so far:
—Margaret (Maisie or Meg)
—Anneliese (Annie)
—Louisa (Lulu…almost certainly too close to Lucy, whom we talk about by name with some regularity)
—Alice (I suppose we could call her Allie for short, but I love Alice as is, so potential issue of no nickname)
—Katherine (Kate)
—Amelia (Millie…is Amelia too close to Emeline?)
—Rose (I love Rosalie but it is very singsong-y with our last name. Maybe scrap a long version and just go with Rose? I’m sure that whatever her formal name is we’d call her Rosie.)
—Birdie (I’m swooning over this as a nickname, but am not sure what long name to use to get to it. Bridget? Kevin hates it so it’s probably out, though I have time to work on him.)

Part of me feels meh about this whole list (except for Birdie) and wants to venture into a very different style…Imogen! Lark! Juniper! Pearl! But I don’t think I truly want to do that.

My favorite on my “real” list is probably Margaret (I love the alliteration with our surname). Kevin likes Katherine best. Katherine has been on our list for every pregnancy and feels extremely boring to me this time around…probably because I’ve considered it 8 other times. And as if choosing a name with one’s spouse isn’t hard enough, Emmy is 12 and very invested in the name. Emmy likes Anneliese best (from my list…of her own choosing she likes Veronica and Victoria, in case you’re interested in a data point on what names 12-year-olds like). I love Felicity but it doesn’t go well with our surname.

Okay! I am open to suggestions! I would love your thoughts!

Love, Ellen

 

When I got to the part about using the names of miscarried siblings as honor names for this baby, my hand flew to cover my mouth. I vote no, and I vote it while making earnest, sustained eye contact.

I can’t easily explain my strength of feeling on this. One of my daily rituals is checking the obituaries, and so I know it used to be very common for a family to reuse the name of a child who had died. I don’t know what the motivation was, at the time: was it because they still wanted to name a child after dear Uncle Thomas? was it in honor of the child who had died? And I don’t know how the kids who were given the names felt about it. But I do know it used to be common. It’s just: it’s not common now. In the context of Now rather than Then, it gives a feeling I would describe as “my hand flew to cover my mouth.”

It would feel different to me if you had intended to use those honor names for other babies, but had miscarried and had not used the names after all. Then the names Elizabeth and Eleanor could still be after the original honorees. But the babies were named, and their names are listed in the sibling group; those names have been used by other siblings and are no longer available to be used by the new baby, any more than the names Emeline and Anne are available.

It would also feel different to me if you had a family tradition of, for example, using Eleanor as the middle name for all of your daughters. Or if some of your other children had been named after their siblings. But neither of those is the case here. I strongly advise you to consider all sibling names Taken and Unavailable.

I think it would be fine to give this baby two middle names, though it’s not a pattern-break I’d want to do at this point, and I think your firstborn might be peeved if you used her brother’s name preferences and not hers! When I was pregnant with the twins, Rob (age 6 at the time) vigorously wanted to give one of the babies the middle name Plum, and we did consider it, and I did think it would have been a fun/cute story, but we didn’t end up doing it, and Rob no longer even remembers wanting this. Joy is a much harder name to resist than Plum, but I think my plan would be the same: if there was another middle name I would otherwise have used, I would go ahead and use that, and encourage the child to use the name Joy as their own special name for the baby.

I find I am very much hoping Evenelle will be the version that goes best with the first name and surname. Evie is nice, but it’s a common current nickname; Evenelle feels special, and I suspect you would enjoy it every single time you filled out paperwork.

From your list of first-name options, my top favorite with a sister named Emeline is Anneliese. The two names are parallel enough to give me a little thrill, but the sounds are quite different. Anneliese Evenelle is majestic.

Amelia would be too similar to Emeline for me. I realize that may seem at odds with my feelings about Anneliese.

My second favorite from your list is Margaret. I like the alliteration too, and all the nickname options.

I’ve heard Birdie used for Bridget but also for Bernadette, Roberta, Bertha, Alberta, and Bernice. These won’t work with sibling names and/or your surname, but in case others have landed here looking for more options, it seems like it would also work well for Ember, Emberley, Emberlyn, Liberty, Kimber. But I think it can also come from calling a nice little baby girl your little birdy. I think it could be sweet as a pet name for Margaret, and this could tie in nicely to you telling Theo he can call her Joy: different family members might have different nicknames for her, and that’s delightful.

I think Imogen would work well and wouldn’t be a big style jump. Nicknames Genna or Midge or Immy (similar to Izzy), or Idgie like in Fried Green Tomatoes; and it sounds a little like Joy. But it seems very close to Benjamin.

I wonder if you’d like Genevieve; it was high on my own list. I worried she’d be called Genny/Jenny, but that’s starting to sound good to me again. There’s also Evie or Vivi or or Gigi (probably not with Benji) or Ginny (maybe also not with Benji) or Neevie. Genevieve Evenelle has a lot of repeated sounds; I might be swayed into thinking about suggesting Genevieve Joy? It’s so delightful.

Or Minerva/Minnie. A little similar to Veronica.

And because you like Margaret and Millie, I bring you one of the names most dear to my heart: Millicent. Millicent/Millie. Just give it time to simmer.

 

 

 

Name update:

Hello, dear Swistle!

I am writing to update you on my baby’s name, which you were kind enough to post about at the end of March.

I appreciated reading everyone’s thoughts on using the middle names of the baby’s miscarried sisters. In the time between sending my email and your post I’d had a good chat with a friend about it, and I came to the conclusion that without knowing the baby’s personality it wasn’t a good decision. Maybe she’ll be a happy-go-lucky person who wouldn’t be bothered at all (or maybe she’d have really liked the connection to her sisters!), but maybe she’ll be a very sensitive child who feels things deeply and the names would have felt like a weight. So! Even before I read your thoughts I’d decided to regretfully let Elizabeth Eleanor go and keep looking. (A special thank you to the commenters who offered such kind words of sympathy for our losses and shared their own stories of lost babies and subsequent naming decisions—I appreciated it very much.)

Everyone’s positive comments about Evenelle made me feel much more confident in using it as a middle name. And thank you to everyone who was looking out for Emmy and the disparity of considering Theo’s favorite name Joy and not her names. The reason for this is because I’d told her I thought it best for her to save her very favorite names for her own children or pets someday and she was VERY on board with the idea of saving them.

Okay, with all of that background out of way, introducing our daughter Margaret Evenelle. I’m pretty sure we’ll call her Maisie, but we love the wealth of nickname options and we’ll see how it shakes out in the coming weeks. Thank you again to you and your readers!

Baby Girl Bailey, Sister to Oswald and Reuben

I feel bad sending this email as I know you must be busy, however I’m so clueless after months of fighting it I’ve given in and decided to ask for help with our little girls name.

We’re expecting our first little girl in April, and as exited as we are about her she has been the hardest to name so far. Our other two are Oswald Jude ‘Ozzy’ and Reuben Hugh ‘Reu’, their names were so easy to decide but now we can’t even settle on something while I’m 8 months pregnant!

The List I liked, but he vetoed…

Hermione
Sarah-Kate
Caroline
Scarlett
Matilda

The Names he liked, I said no to…

Alice
Clara
Mercedes
Simone
Story

The only name we both can agree of right now is Liliana, but neither of us truly love it to the point we want to use it! As we’re both quite firm in her middle name being Lavender!
We had a boys name all set out (William Atlas Bailey) but we’re expecting a girl so it’s no use. We’re saying this is our last, but we’ve said that after every baby so it’s not guaranteed!

Thank you so much for your consideration!
Em x

 

I notice the repeated sounds in the other two children’s names: oswalD juDe and then reUben hUgh. I wonder if it would be at all fun, just as a little game or exercise, to see if we can find a first name for your daughter that repeats one or more of the sounds from her middle name Lavender.

Ada Lavender
Adelaide Lavender
Aveline Lavender
Belinda Lavender
Claudia Lavender
Cordelia Lavender
Danica Lavender
Eleanor Lavender
Eliza Lavender
Elodie Lavender
Eve Lavender
Even Lavender
Evelina Lavender
Esther Lavender
Flannery Lavender
Florence Lavender
Geneva Lavender
Genevieve Lavender
Gwendolyn Lavender
Landry Lavender
Larissa Lavender
Linnea Lavender
Lois Lavender
Louisa Lavender
Lydia Lavender
Maeve Lavender
Marilla Lavender
Melody Lavender
Minerva Lavender
Miranda Lavender
Nadia Lavender
Sylvia Lavender
Valentina Lavender
Vera Lavender
Verity Lavender
Veronica Lavender
Victoria Lavender
Vivian Lavender

 

If I could ask each of you to reconsider a veto, I’d ask you to reconsider Clara, and I’d ask your husband to reconsider Matilda. Clara Lavender! Matilda Lavender!

 

 

 

Name update:

Thank you so much for these suggestions! They definitely have not gone unappreciated, as for our baby girl she was born on March 22nd. She weighed 7lbs 1oz and was born at 36+6, and she’s such a healthy baby girl. Ozzy and Reu are really exited to now have their baby sister. You gave us some really gorgeous suggestions and from your gorgeous list we found a name we both really love, our sweet baby girl Elodie Lavender has been born.
Thank you so much we all really appreciate it!
Em x

Baby Girl Keegan-without-the-K

Swistle,

I’m a big fan of your blog. I’ve always loved baby names. My mom had a baby when I was 13 and I did so much research and reading. Lots of lists and suggestions. An obsession with baby names was born!

But now that I’m pregnant with my first child, due in July, I’m quite overwhelmed. We just found out we’re having a girl, and my husband and I simply can’t agree on THE ONE. We were totally aligned on boy names and had one picked out: Thomas, with my maiden name as the middle. It’s a classic with fun nickname options, sounds good with our surname, and is also a special honor name on my side of the family that hasn’t been used despite my many siblings and cousins. For a girl, we’re lost. We need your help!

Here’s where we’re at. We’re American, and our last name sounds like Keegan without the “K” (I took my husband’s surname and our children will take it as well). We’re drawn to a mix of traditional, vintage, preppy, and “new classic” names. We’re Catholic but not super religious; both pretty Irish, especially my family.

My husband has a one syllable name and didn’t like growing up without nickname options. For that reason, he’s very drawn to more formal, longer names with vintage and/or cute nicknames, and the nickname is a very important part of the conversation to him. I do like that style as well, but we can’t come up with a combo we agree on or that feels right. I’m also very drawn to classic/simple one syllable names, and even with longer names, needing nickname options doesn’t feel as much a “must” for me like it does for him. In fact, my name is almost always shortened, but I never took a nickname.

Names on my list:
Jane
Margaret (but no clear nn winner – will explain)
Frances
Eleanor nn Nora
Anne nn Annie
Georgia
Caroline
Paige

On his list:
Margaret nn Maisie (he LOVES Maisie)
Susannah nn Susie
Patricia nn Piper or Poppy
Hazel
Penelope nn Penny
Jane (but no nn winner in his mind – maybe Junie among family but would still go by Jane)
Frances (maybe if nn Fran or Frannie)
Beatrice nn Birdie
Caroline

Of the above, Margaret, Patricia and Anne would be meaningful honor names. Caroline would be also, but our relative with that name is currently childless and has expressed preference on saving it for their child — if we had her blessing that would be a strong contender. Oddly, it’s one name my husband likes the full name for. She would go by the full “Caroline.”

So, names we like but can’t use: Caroline, Elizabeth, Ellie, Emma, Claire, Charlotte, Catherine, Molly.

Names we’ve talked about for middle names: Celine, Cecilia, Caroline. (All meaningful. Celine and Caroline on my side, Cecilia for both of us.) Also Frances or Patricia.

Margaret feels like it should be the top contender. We’ve talked about Margaret Celine Keegan-no-K, a name that would honor three women on my side of the family that I love and respect very much, but we can’t agree on a nickname. I don’t know if I can get behind Maisie, my husband’s strong preference. It’s a very sweet name, and I like its Scottish/English roots given my heritage, but there’s a bit of a “dog name” association for me. It leans a little too cutesy for my taste, and I don’t know if I could use it for my firstborn daughter, especially if she truly went by that all of the time. Maybe? But I don’t know.

Maisie aside, we don’t want to use Meg, Meggie or Maggie for various reasons related to people we know, and I grew up with a dog named Daisy, so that’s out. I really like Margot and think it sounds great with our surname, but my husband isn’t a big fan and thinks it could be megapopular in the wake of Barbie. I could also be in favor of Mae but my husband vetoed that as well — he just doesn’t like it. Molly would almost definitely be our top choice if it weren’t my husband’s ex’s name; they dated many years and we don’t think it’s worth the eyebrow raising.

Beyond Margaret, I’ve also mulled over Susannah/Susie, another top contender for him, but I feel like it has a Country/Western/Southern vibe that doesn’t feel quite true to our northeast roots. I could see it for a second child, but for some reason it feels random for the first. Sigh. I wish there was a clear winner but I truly don’t know where we’ll land — our taste is close but not quite aligned, and my husband is pretty opinionated and set in his opinions. He doesn’t understand why I can’t get on board with the Maisie idea. And maybe I could? I want to love it — it would make things so much easier for us — but I just don’t. And in general, I have a tendency to be a people pleaser, and I’m worried I’m going to lose sight of what I like and want out of desperation for compromise and a solution.

I think we need to meet in the middle somehow, or move on from the “Margaret” mayhem altogether and consider different options from our lists or beyond, but I’m not sure what that looks like. I would appreciate any and all ideas or thoughts, from you and your readers!

Many thanks

 

In spite of my love for the name Margaret, I am going to advise putting it on the Wait list for now. It sounds as if you’re hoping to have more children, so there will likely be time to revisit it—but right now it feels as if it’s getting in your way: it seems as if it OUGHT to be perfect, when it’s not quite, and that’s causing some looping. Additionally, your husband is having some trouble understanding other points of view on the nickname; and it makes me nervous that Meg and Maggie and Daisy all have to be ruled out as nicknames, so how about we make things easier by thinking of Margaret the way we think of Susannah: as a good name to consider for the NEXT daughter.

Or, and I think this would be better by far: another option is to use Margaret, and agree that you can each use whatever nicknames you like best for her, without choosing one official nickname. Then your husband can call her Maisie to his heart’s content, and you can call her whatever you would like to call her, including Margot and Mae and Margaret, and when she’s old enough to write her name on her homework she can choose for herself. I particularly like the idea of you calling her Mae and your husband calling her Maisie, since those seem like they could just be shorter/longer versions of the same nickname.

And here I’d like to make sure all of us–but I am only actually wondering about your husband–realize that eventually the child WILL choose for herself. It’s perfectly reasonable for the parents to choose a preferred nickname and introduce it early to increase the odds of that being the choice—but it’s important to realize that, just as you never used the common shortening of your given name, and just as my coworker Liz overturned her parents’ decision to call her only-Beth-and-NEVER-Liz, a Birdie may chose Bea or Beatrice instead, a Maisie may choose Meg or Margaret instead, a Susie may choose Anna or Susannah instead, and so on. Once the child has been given the name, it’s up to them how to wear it.

I wonder if you two would like Josephine. Nicknames: Josie, Joey, Jo, Posey.

Or Cordelia. I like the nickname Delia, but Cory or Rory or Lia or Cordy would be options.

Georgia, with the nickname Georgie or Gigi.

Winifred, with nicknames Winnie and Freddie.

Matilda, with nicknames such as Mattie and Tilda and Tillie.

Meredith/Merrie.

Minerva/Minnie.

Rosemary, with nicknames Rosie and Romy, or she could go by Mary if she preferred.

Veronica, with nicknames Nica or Vinnie or Ronnie or Vera.

Anneliese, with nicknames Annie or Anna.

 

I see that you both like Jane, but the nickname issue stops him. I wonder if the two of you would also like the name June, and you could call her Junie, Junebug, Juniper, etc.

Another method is to use the first and middle initials: if, for example, you named her Jane Patricia Keegan-without-the-K, you could call her J.P. as a nickname. I went to college with a girl who went by K.C., and that seemed pretty cool and snappy.

Piper and Poppy are not typically used as nicknames for Patricia, and I think they might be a tough sell. That is, in theory they’re no further a leap than Maisie for Margaret or Jack for John, but in practice there is an enormous difference between “what the public has already become accustomed to” and “what the public has not.” I’ll note that Poppy could be a nickname for Penelope. I think of Piper as a standalone name, but the somewhat similar Pippa can be short for Philippa.

 

 

 

Name update:

Swistle! Hello again. Thank you for responding to my note back in March. I revisited your post and the comments a few times as we continued to deliberate.

Looking back now, it’s interesting to reflect on where we were in the naming process all those months ago and what changed — and didn’t change — leading up to the birth of our daughter. Notably, my husband moved away from the “long, traditional name that needs a nickname” thing. Meanwhile, the overlapping names on our lists stayed largely the same and would become our top contenders.

We landed at the hospital with Jane, Hazel, Frances, and Margaret. When she was born, I felt she was either a Jane or Margaret, but ultimately we kept coming back to the sweet simplicity and versatility of Jane. For the middle, we elected to honor my beloved Nana, Marie. It wasn’t a name combination we talked about until we were at the hospital, but once we said it, it just sounded like… her name. Jane Marie.

We are calling her Jane for now but open to embracing Janie if that seems to suit her better or becomes her preference. To your point, she’ll be able to introduce herself before we know it, and it isn’t our name, it’s hers. We hope she likes it as much as we do!

Thanks again

Baby Boy Weary-with-an-L

I am expecting a baby boy in June as a solo mom by choice and I live in the US. This puts me in the (potentially) enviable position of having full control over the baby’s name but all of the pressure, as well.

The most complicated factor is that I find my last name a bit tricky. It rhymes with Weary but begins with an L, not a W. I tend to find that rules out most, if not all, names beginning with an L and/or containing an L. Alliteration can be commanding, but a double L just feels hard to say.

As my own first name is rather long and formal, I’ve gone by a nickname almost my entire life. This actually steers me away from repeating the same pattern. I’d prefer a short and classic (but not overly popular) name. This baby will most likely be my only child, so I am not concerned with how the name could potentially go with a sibling’s name.

Girl Names I love:
Jane
Joan
Maya
Hannah
Maeve
Nora

Boy Names I like, but am not 100% sold on:
Finn
Max
Dylan (but does it work with my last name?)
Nolan (same as above)
Everett
Barrett (but I despise Barry)

Boy names I like, but can’t use:
Daniel
Jack
John
James
Jude
Mateo/Matthew
Luke/Luca/Luka

Thank you so much for your consideration!

Meg

 

I think Dylan and Nolan both work with the surname; I find Nolan a little harder to say with the surname, but not in a way that would rule it out.

I don’t think people will be inclined to use the nickname Barry for a Barrett, though it will depend on things such as your own particular circle, and on how naming trends develop: I have been seeing what looks like a return to Old School Nicknames (Marty and Mickey, to use two examples from my own circle), and it will be interesting to see if that grows/spreads or not.

On another post, commenter R mentioned that the name Barrett has been ruined by politics, and it took me a beat to remember the connection to the Supreme Court Justice—but, once I did, it was hard to forget. It is not the sort of connection I think has to ruin the name overall (that is, if I encountered the name Barrett on a baby, I would not think the name had been given as a political statement), but it definitely falls into the category of being the sort of thing I like to think of ahead of time.

My own hands-down favorite from your list is Everett. I think it’s great with the surname. And although I don’t normally put the child’s name with the parent’s name, and in fact discourage parents from doing so, I am breaking my own rule to say I like it with YOUR name, both with what I presume to be the full name and also with the nickname. Not as if it were a sibling set, which is what I object to when parents seem to be doing that, but just as a family. Margaret and Everett! Meg and Everett! Very pleasing combinations, both of them.

When I look at the names you like but are not 100% sold on, I see surname names and short snappy names. But when I look at the list of names you like but can’t use, I see more classic/traditional names, plus the short snappy names. I’m going to make a list that includes all three of those those categories, but also I’m going to include names that DO have nicknames, but to less of a degree than your own name: it feels to me like there’s a difference between Margaret/Meg and, say, Calvin-with-the-possibility-of-Cal.

Adam
Beckett
Bennett
Calvin
Dane
Dean
Declan
Drew
Elliot
Ezra
George
Grant
Griffin
Ian
Kellan
Malcolm
Merritt
Micah
Oliver
Quinn
Reid
Simon
Warren
Wilson

I went back and forth on possibilities such as Dean and Reid: are those smashing with the surname, or is the repeated vowel sound Too Much?

Especially since this will be your only child and you have full naming control, I wondered if you might like to look at your family tree for a name or surname to use as the first name; I’d look especially at the side of the family that didn’t contribute your own surname. Or this would be the perfect opportunity for any other honor name: an artist, a poet, an author, a scientist, or, yes, a politician.

Baby Boy Lynch, Brother to Natalie and Thomas

Hi there!

My name is Alexa! I am due in March with baby boy #2. My last name is Lynch. We had (and lost) a micropreemie in 2021 named Natalie Marlena. It was still so early, and we didn’t know what we were having—so we had both boy and girl names brainstormed. When I woke up in the SICU, I told my husband this name with 100% conviction. Just one of those weird gut things, I guess? I can’t say for sure this baby will be our last child, but based on my high-risk pregnancies, it is likely.

Our first son was born in 2022 and his name, Thomas (Alexander), floated around on our lists for a while—first as a middle name, but we committed to the name about a month before he was born. We call him Thomas, and my approach to nicknames is that they must be OK’d by the bearer and/or develop naturally. (Also, how hard is it to say ‘Thomas’ instead of Tom or Tommy?!) Alexander is homage to me, Alexa. My husband’s name is Donovan. Neither of us go by nicknames, and my husband has grown out of his childhood family nickname.

Our main challenge is that my husband is one of nine children, and I have three sisters with six children of their own. We both come from large families beyond that. I tell folks that I’ve probably heard all the names before, or we know someone, etc. I tend to dislike the most popular or trendy names. I guess Thomas is “old-school popular” to me. (Side note, husband has two siblings that are “juniors” of dad AND mom already!)

I was stuck on Alden for our first son before switching to Thomas. I liked how it was a sort-of mashup with Alexa and Donovan, but my husband has been repeatedly “meh” on it. Desmond was our first frontrunner with this baby—my husband has always loved the name and after a friend used it in 2017, we tabled it for our first son. I like how uncommon it is, but I can’t get over the fact that it was already used by a former friend. It passes the vibe check, but I don’t love it.

Right now the leading name is Tristan, but I think it’s weirdly alliterative with Thomas already. We like Matthias as a middle name, similar to husband’s middle name (Matthew). There are 25+ names on the veto list, and I think I’m getting overwhelmed.

As I read back through your blog, I’m interested in your perspective! Each post I read has names with merits, or that I can reconsider in the right light. Either way, I think I need a fresh take. Thank you so much!

 

I am inclined to look for another old-school popular name, like Thomas: a name that FEELS common, and yet there aren’t many in the classrooms. A name that, the last time it was common, every single person with that name went by the standard nicknames, leaving the full name feeling fresh and unexpected.

Andrew
Daniel
James
Joseph
Joshua
Martin
Matthew
Nathan
Patrick
Peter
Philip
Stephen

I am particularly drawn to Daniel and Stephen: I have known numerous of each, all of whom went by Dan and Steve, none of whom went by Daniel and Stephen. I don’t know if the -l/L- of Daniel is an issue at all; I didn’t notice it until I started to make my usual little sounding-it-out arrangement: Daniel Lynch; Thomas and Daniel. Stephen Lynch; Thomas and Stephen. Other possible sound issues: if Andrew DID go by Drew, does Drew Lynch sound like drool inch? if Philip DID go by Phil, do we have an -l/L- issue?

These don’t fall into my “old-school popular, all of them went by a nickname last time around” category, but I also suggest:

Adam
Calvin
Elliot
Emmett
Ethan
George
Gideon
Jeremy
Owen
Simon

I realize I may have just listed 20+ names straight from the veto list. And certainly none of these will be new to you. But for a sibling group including Natalie and Thomas, I am looking for something more along the lines of “SURPRISINGLY fresh” (i.e., the name John doesn’t seem as if it would have any freshness left after generations of use—until you encounter it on a kindergartner) as opposed to something new and exciting that would be a jolting change of style. I suspect what is needed is not for a name to stand up and slap you, but rather for a name to grow on you sneakily, until you realize you have been thinking of the name warmly and affectionately and now wish to squeeze a baby with that name.

How did the name Thomas change from a name knocking around as a possible middle name to a name you wanted to squeeze on a baby? Do you remember how it went from “Sure, pretty good name” to being THE NAME? I think it’s very likely something similar will happen this time around.

Finding the right middle name may help: sometimes hearing the full three-name combination brings a name from “Sure, pretty good name” to “YES.” (Watch the initials: one wouldn’t want to accidentally name a Franklin Matthias Lynch.)

Calvin Matthias Lynch
Daniel Alden Lynch
Elliot Alden Lynch
George Matthias Lynch
James Alden Lynch
Joseph Tristan Lynch
Martin Matthias Lynch
Peter Tristan Lynch
Philip Desmond Lynch
Stephen Desmond Lynch

Baby Girl Carrot-with-an-M, Sister to Avil@, R0se, Ze1ie, and Cl@ire

Hi Swistle!

It’s crazy to think that I started reading this blog when I was expecting my first, and now I’m catching up to you with five kids. How time flies! We are due in April and our last name sounds like Carrot with an M.

Our daughters are Avil@, R0se, Ze1ie, and Cl@ire. And baby 5 is a girl!

I think somewhere half-spoken in my mind, I had been thinking that it would be fun to mix it up this time: daydreaming about learning how to do a cute little boy haircut and… Well, anyway, I could still totally learn how to give cute haircuts.

I think what I need to get excited about little girl 5 is a great name. But it’s a catch-22, Swistle; I need a great name to help me get jazzed about twenty more weeks of pregnancy and a new baby, but I’m just so blah about naming this time around. Every name on our list has already been rejected before. What I really need is for someone else to help me look at names afresh, (which, isn’t that what so many of us write in to ask?)

In the early days of baby naming, I had a lot of angst about naming because my husband and I both cared about names, but our styles seemed very different, (see previous letters here and here). In the end, we’ve settled on a naming compromise: we take turns naming the baby with full veto/suggestion power from the other person. This has worked pretty well for us!

He loves saint names out of the top 1000, and he chose Avil@ (sounds like Avalon) and Ze1ie (rhymes with Ellie). I like what I jokingly call Hollywood Pirate names: Will, Rose, Theo, Jack, Hope, Kate. Short, familiar, and snappy. I also like names like Anneliese, Vivian, Genevieve. I chose R0se and Cl@ire for my names.

We love nicknames, and use them interchangeably with our daughter’s names: Avi, Rosie, Ze1ie-Lou (from middle name Louise), Clara/Coco.

It’s his turn to choose a name, but he also seems surprisingly uninterested in the task this time around and he keeps asking me for suggestions. The only part I’m excited about is using my name Gabrielle as the middle name. We used my husband’s name Michael for Cl@ire’s middle name, (at my insistence because I just loved it and wanted to honor him,) and I am feeling that same excitement for using my name this time.

His suggestions:

Hildegard (vetoed. Hildie is a cute nickname, but the name seems harsh to me.)

Anastasia (but we both like the nickname Ah-na, which honors my Grandma. So far everyone we’ve tested it on says Annastasia and Anna; it feels like an uphill battle. The full name seems very long to me.)

Blaise (This has been our boy name for 9 years, but I just don’t know for a girl)

 

My suggestions he vetoed:

Vivian

Sylvie

Anneliese (name of his cousin)

Hope (name of his mom’s cat)

 

Our list so far:

Genevieve (He said maybe and likes the nickname Evie. Not great with middle Gabrielle.)

 

Hmm, well, I don’t know. Can I admit to you? Secretly, I feel like you may not choose this letter because the names are too “boring”. Recently the Swistle name posts that got me excited were for names far outside my usual naming style: this one was awesome, and I thought about possible names for ages! This recent one was fun too. Am I having a midlife naming-style crisis and need to name this kid Oak or Maverick? Or should we name her Genevieve and that is still exciting? Help me, Swistle, before I go crazy overthinking this.

Thank you!!

Gabrielle

 

I suggest Mathilda, which includes the nickname Hildie as well as Tilda, Tilly, Mattie, etc. It’s a saint name, and it’s alliterative with the surname in a way I find it pleasing to say. Avil@, R0se, Ze1ie, Cl@ire, and Mathilda.

Belina. I found it in the Saints section of The Baby Name Wizard, so I am suggesting it without knowing the story of this or any of the other saints; I don’t know if that part matters to the selection. Belina strikes me as distinctive and unusual but accessible; my one hesitation is about whether it could be too similar to Ze1ie, but for myself I come down on the side of no. Avil@, R0se, Ze1ie, Cl@ire, and Belina. Nicknames and pet names absolutely abound: Bella, Belle/Bel, Lina, Lee, Bee, Bina, just so many fun sound combinations to make.

I wanted to suggest Annika (I have an Annika in my circle, and although people will sometimes GUESS ANN-nika, once they HEAR ON-nika it seems to click into place for them), but it seems too similar to Avil@.

Blaise, for me, does not pass the “Would I want this name for myself?” test—especially if I had four sisters all with highly feminine names. I think it would accidentally communicate that you were hoping for a boy. I find, in fact, that even seeing it on the list is giving me a surprisingly strong feeling of indignation. It makes me want to pointedly offer counter-suggestions such as Felicity (lucky) and Evangeline (good news) and Beatrix (blessed).

Bonus: Felicity and Beatrix are both saint names, so I do suggest them, earnestly as well as pointedly; I love them both, and will give them their own spaces below so they don’t get lost in the “Swistle says no to Blaise” section:

Felicity. Avil@, R0se, Ze1ie, Cl@ire, and Felicity.

Beatrix. Avil@, R0se, Ze1ie, Cl@ire, and Beatrix.

Oh, WINIFRED is a saint name?? You know I am not going to miss the opportunity to suggest that favorite! Avil@, R0se, Ze1ie, Cl@ire, and Winifred!! …I see I also discovered this while answering a previous letter, and then forgot. This is one of the glories of aging: fun fresh surprises, again and again!

I like Genevieve a lot, and this is subjective but I really like it with the middle name Gabrielle. I think it’s intriguing the way the G initials match but are pronounced differently, and it gives you the nickname G.G./Gigi, which is especially nice if Evie seems too close to Avi. There’s also Ginny.

 

 

 

Name update:

Hi Swistle!
I enjoyed reading all your suggestions so much. Amazing how it can make the process of baby naming appealing again! We had pretty much decided on the nickname Evie by the time baby was born, but it still took us some time to decide between Genevieve and Evangeline (thanks for the suggestion!) as the first name. Her uncle had also suggested the name Wren, which wasn’t quite our style for a first name, but was fun to add as a middle. In the end, we named her Genevieve Anastasia Wren, and we mostly call her Evie (or Evie-Wren.) Evie is a peaceful baby, which is just the best for a fifth child. Thanks for helping us name her!

P.S. Although we didn’t end up with Gabrielle as a middle name, she did end up with my initials, which still makes me feel like we have a special connection.

Baby Boy Mouslie-with-an-H, Brother to M@ry Gr@ce (Gr@ce)

So hopeful to get your thoughts on our naming roundabout! I love reading your posts so much and know that you would provide some much needed insight for us.

We are expecting a little boy in the spring! We are so excited to welcome him, but fear he will leave the hospital nameless and be known as “baby boy Mouslie” (with an H) forever. We have one little girl named M@ry Gr@ce, but we primarily call her Gr@ce. M@ry is an honor name, and we love both the combo and the nickname and just everything about it. Boys names are proving to be so much harder! Which is confusing for me since I am a self-proclaimed naming guru since childhood. I guess it is different with your own child?? Either that or I’ve lost my touch. Or, it is the fact that I actually have to agree with another person on a name instead of coming up with one on my own. That does make a decision a bit more difficult!

My husband has two and only two names that he loves: Sawyer and Sh3pherd. I quite like Sh3pherd too actually but I’m not brave enough to use it as a first name. We are religious but it feels like it could be almost sacrilegious to me if that makes sense?? I think I might be thinking too much about it. We love the nickname “Sh3p” as well. Here are a few names I love that he doesn’t: Jude, Curren, Ansel, Graham, James, Abel, Samuel. We both say we like softer sounding names. I think we should be going with something more classical to match our daughter’s name. Hmm… soft and classic, sounds easy, but we are just so picky! We’ve come down to two final contenders (for this week anyway…ha). The0dore Sh3pherd and Augu$t Ev3rett. We both like them enough to use either of them I think. Augu$t has always been top of our lists, but just not sure we like it as much as we used to anymore. Don’t like any nicknames for it- but not sure we can force it to be the name he is called by forever. Same with The0dore- I love the full name so much and would call baby boy by that exclusively, but he only likes this combo if he’s called Teddy or Sh3p. Neither of us are very fond of Th3o. I would be ok with using the full name and primarily calling him Sh3p, but I feel like we already did the middle name nickname thing with one kid and it would be confusing to do it again. Or would it??

We would love love love advice! We are also not closed to suggestions though I’m pretty sure we have combed through every name in the universe by now. But I am all about seeing something in a new light if there’s something that hits you like a bolt that you think would work here!

Thank you thank you thank you and I promise to update once a decision has been made.

 

Oh, I FULLY agree: the secondary problem is applying the name hobby to an actual child, and the PRIMARY problem FOR SURE is having to cooperate on the name with another entire human—sometimes a human who has not put in ANYWHERE NEAR the years of time and effort. Well, and also: having to work with the particular surname. All of these things factor in. It’s  a wonder any of us manage to choose a name at all, but PARTICULARLY those of us who CARE about names! My mother-in-law, whose baby-naming technique was to use for each baby the first name that came to her mind, plus a middle name that made a pleasant mild bridge between first and last, was probably overall a happier and more content baby-namer than those of us who struggle. (Nevertheless I firmly believe our way is superior.)

I grew up very religious, so I will weigh in on the Sh3pherd issue with my one data point. I would say that on its own, or with a sibling name such as Hadley or Morgan, the name Sh3pherd does not make me think of anything religious: it feels like a surname/occupational name, and I too love the nickname Sh3p. But: as soon as the name is combined with the name of any other cast member from a Nativity play, I’m afraid the association is rather strong for me. M@ry and Sh3pherd doesn’t sound so much sacrilegious as imbalanced: why is one child a lead, and the other generic supporting cast? Even combined with Gr@ce, Sh3pherd gives me the feeling of a THEME, though perhaps only when I’m primed by thinking of M@ry and Sh3pherd first. I do think it’s fine as a middle name.

While I am dishing out opinions, I will say that I think once you’ve done one “kid going primarily by middle name,” it’s easier to do a second one: you’ve already gone through the training process with your entire extended circle, and now they are familiar with the concept. But “kid going by nickname of middle name” feels a little harder to sell: at that point, I start to wonder if the name shouldn’t be sent back for more workshopping.

You don’t have another classic/traditional honor name you’d like to use, similar to M@ry? A dear Thomas or Peter or Stephen in the family tree? And then perhaps with a classic-yet-contemporary one-syllable-and/or-low-nickname-possibility middle name, which you’d call him? I’m wondering if leaning into a more fully parallel name would help here.

Andrew George Mouslie-with-an-H; M@ry Gr@ce and Andrew George; Gr@ce and George
James Louis Mouslie-with-an-H; M@ry Gr@ce and James Louis; Gr@ce and Louis
John Nolan Mouslie-with-an-H; M@ry Gr@ce and John Nolan; Gr@ce and Nolan
Paul Emmett Mouslie-with-an-H; M@ry Gr@ce and Paul Emmett; Gr@ce and Emmett
Simon Henry Mouslie-with-an-H; M@ry Gr@ce and Simon Henry; Gr@ce and Henry
Stephen Miles Mouslie-with-an-H; M@ry Gr@ce and Stephen Miles; Gr@ce and Miles
Thomas Elliot Mouslie-with-an-H; M@ry Gr@ce and Thomas Elliot; Gr@ce and Elliot

Or of course I would suggest any of those middles as firsts instead, if you don’t have (or decide not to use) another honor first-name. I’m going to go ahead and put them in their own list:

Elliot
Emmett
George
Henry
Louis
Miles
Nolan

Paul in particular stands out to me. Soft but solid/strong, classic, warm. Paul Mouslie-with-an-H; Gr@ce and Paul. Paul Sh3pherd, Paul Ev3rett.

I agree that it can be risky to use names if you dislike the nicknames. It’s definitely easier to go by the full name than it used to be, but it’s impossible to know what the child themselves will prefer. I don’t know if it helps, but we’ve had a number of commenters mention that they were very opposed to a nickname until their child started going by that nickname, at which point they did a complete 180 on the issue and can hardly remember what they didn’t like about the nickname. On the other hand, I had a co-worker Liz whose parents had wanted her to be Elizabeth/Beth and truly disliked the nickname Liz, and it had been ten years since the nickname change and Liz said her parents still weren’t happy about it. So I suppose it depends on the particular parents/child/nickname, and I suppose most of the time it’s not knowable in advance.

I think an Augu$t might end up going by Gus, and so it would be good to contemplate ahead of time how you feel about Gr@ce and Gus; it’s a lot of one-syllable G- and S-sounds.

I like Ev3rett as a first name here. It goes nicely with M@ry, M@ry Gr@ce, and Gr@ce.