Author Archives: Swistle

Baby Girl Rhymes-with-Bowl, Sister to Cam

17 Replies

Hi Swistle!

We’re expecting our 2nd child this spring. Our last name is one syllable And rhymes with Bowl.

I prefer traditional, timeless names whereas my husband tends to prefer uncommon names. I have a very uncommon name and his name is common, funny how that works.
Jonathan, Benjamin, James and Henry are some names I like for a boy. All of which my husband vetoed for a more trendy name. Our sons name was our compromise, we call him Cam. We did not find out his gender until the birth and his name totally suits him. We ended up using a traditional family name for his middle name which I love and often call him by.

Now we are expecting our 2nd, a girl, and I am hung up on names again. I really like Catherine/Kathryn and we’d call her Kate for short (spelling TBD), but it’s so abrupt with our last name. I don’t love the nickname Kat or Cat and lastly I fear Cam and Kate are too similar. We also thought about Elizabeth and Audrey for a bit, but are now leaning toward Sadie. I also like Abigail, but I fear it’s too common.

I don’t want her to have an unusual name or one that is too cutesy/she can’t grow up with, but I also don’t want a name where she is 1 of 3 or 5 in her class.

Middle name will be Genevieve which is a family name. I’d like to have a 3rd baby, but we’re not making that decision until after we have 2.

Please help, thank you!

 

I think if the name Cam has not seemed too abrupt with the surname, Kate would also be fine—especially since it would just be a nickname. I think Catherine/Kathryn is a great name for a lifetime, but I do think it would be wise to allow for the possibility that she might choose to go by Kat/Cat.

Is Cam’s full given name Cam, or do you call him Cam as a nickname for a longer name? If his given name is Cam, then I think Sadie works very well as a sibling name. If, however, he has a longer given name and goes by Cam as a nickname, I think my preference would be to do the same for a sister name. Sadie can be a nickname for Sarah, if that appeals, or for Mercedes (though Mercedes doesn’t seem compatible with your style).

I think Elizabeth and Audrey are also great, and that Genevieve goes nicely with all. I don’t think you can go wrong here. At this point you may want to just let the list simmer and see which names rise to the top with time.

And I wouldn’t worry too much about popularity. Even if you were to give her the very most popular girl name in the United States, she would be unlikely to be one of 3 or 5 in her class. The current queen, according to the Social Security Administration, is Olivia, with 1.01% of new baby girls given that name in 2019 (the 2020 data will likely be released in May). That’s approximately 1 in 100 girls, and let’s say a typical classroom has 15 girls, that would be about 1 Olivia per 6-7 classrooms—so you can see that we’re not going to get 5 or even 3 Olivias in a single classroom except by the most bizarre and unavoidable fluke. I grew up when the name Jennifer was in its prime, given to over 4% of new baby girls (FOUR TIMES as common as the current most common name), and I don’t remember ever even once having 5 Jennifers in the same classroom; I’m not sure I can remember ever having 3 in the same classroom, but perhaps. Definitely 2 Jennifers at times, but not every time.

The name Abigail is given to just under half a percent of new baby girls: approximately 1 in every 200 new baby girls. Picturing again a classroom with roughly 15 girls in it, that would be about 1 Abigail per 13-14 classrooms. Again, there are always going to be little anomalies (two Junipers and zero Harpers in the same grade, when both parents chose Juniper to avoid the popularity of Harper; three Josephs-called-Joey in one classroom one year), but in general I don’t think you’ll have a huge problem with duplicates, whichever name you choose.

 

 

 

Name update:

Thank you so much for your help! We went with another one all together and named her Leah Genevieve. Timeless yet relatively common. Thanks again!

Our Favorite Baby Names Starting with G

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Here is the game we are playing:

We are going to pretend that we are naming a baby and that the name MUST start with a certain letter, and so we will need one name starting with that letter for a boy and one name starting with that letter for a girl, or else one name that would work for either, EVEN IF we don’t like any of the names that start with that letter enough to Actually In Real Life choose them. It is just a game where we place artificial restrictions on reality in order to create the kind of tension that makes games fun—like when you have to choose what foods you’d eat if you could only eat three foods for the rest of your life: the fun is in thinking it over AS IF it were a real forced decision, while KNOWING it is not. There is a baby! It MUST be given a name with a particular letter! That is the game.

After that basic concept, we can decide our own sub-rules, based on what makes the game fun and not stressful. Some examples:

• I’m not planning to play that the name has to fit with the names of my other children or with the surname, though this would be an option for anyone who would LIKE to play it that way; I think I will have more fun if I pretend it is a stand-alone baby and that the surname is not an issue, though I may change my mind as we go. (And if I narrow it down to a few options and can’t decide, I might use siblings/surname as a tie-breaker.)

• It is also fine to narrow it down to a few finalists without getting to The One Name.

• The boy name and girl name don’t have to work TOGETHER: we are only naming ONE baby, so you’d only use one or the other. But you MAY play that the names have to work together, if that’s more fun.

• It is fine to wave aside issues such as a friend who already used that name, a famous person with the name, etc., if that makes it more fun and less stressful to choose. This is just pretend, so you can pretend that those things aren’t issues if you want to. (Or you can let the issues stand as they are in real life, if THAT is more fun.)

• We can also all make our own decisions about whether the names have to be ones we think we’d ACTUALLY USE in that hypothetical scenario, or just our FAVORITE names starting with that letter, regardless of whether we think the names are practical; I am not sure which way I will play it, and I likely won’t be consistent.

• If you already have a child with a name starting with the letter we’re working on, you get to pick again from all the names that remain; you don’t have to choose your child’s name as your favorite just because it WAS your favorite: this is a FRESH baby, and you wouldn’t give it the same name as your existing child. (If you would normally prefer not to repeat an initial within a sibling group, you can just pretend that’s NOT a preference for the sake of the game.)

• You can do as much or as little explanation as you like in your comment: you can just list the names you chose, or you can explain your process/preferences/reasoning/runners-up, or whatever is most fun.

 

Today’s letter is G. For a girl, I already have Genevieve on my list, and it was a finalist name for Elizabeth. I still like it, and it would still be a top contender. We also had Gillian/Jillian and Georgia on our list, and we considered Gwendolyn and Guinevere but more briefly / less seriously. My guess is that we would agree on Genevieve—but the name I most want is Georgia, so that’s what I’m picking for this game.

And for a boy, I already know: George! I want George. (We are only naming ONE baby in this game, so it’s fine to choose two names you wouldn’t use for siblings.) I would also want to consider Gordon and Gideon, but I wouldn’t end up choosing them over George. Gerrit is a family name, but with bad associations (it was part of a patriarchal naming tradition that, when broken, caused a family patriarch, named Gerrit, to reject his first baby grandson because the grandson didn’t have his name) (this is where naming traditions can go very, very wrong) (let’s not discuss it any further, it’s such a beautiful day).

 

Now you! If you want to! Only if it’s fun and not stressful! Feel free to adjust the game-play to be fun and not stressful!

Baby Boy Peterson-with-a-David, Brother to Vivian

34 Replies

Hi Swistle,

I discovered your blog while researching names and would love your help! I am due in August with our second child, a boy. We have a two year old daughter named Vivian Iris. Our last name is like Peterson but with the name David at the beginning.

Surprisingly, given our somewhat different style preferences, my husband and I are basically in agreement on the name but not the spelling. We’re leaning towards naming this baby Alistair/Alastair. We initially had Alexander and Patrick on our boy list but when we found out this baby is actually a boy, I just thought those names were so boring for real life (my apologies to anyone who used those names, they are lovely which is why they are on our list!). But we both like the Scotish version of Alexander: Alistair/Alastair. Patrick, a family name on my side, will likely be the middle name.

Upon further research, it turns out that this name is actually far more obscure than I realized. My husband and I are both very midwestern but currently live in the mid-Atlantic. We previously had pretty international careers and have both known people with this name so we were surprised to find it so low on the list in the US.

Here is where we are stuck. My husband prefers the “more authentic” spelling of Alastair. He would really like to do the “most authentic” spelling of Alasdair, but I vetoed that. I, however, think we should give the kid the more common spelling of the name, especially considering that it’s pretty rare. Alistair is currently ranked 967 in the US. The other spellings are not in the top 1000 at all. Notably, Alistair is also the most common spelling in Scotland, England, and Wales (this did not convince my husband).

We’re at a standstill and have dug in our heels over one letter. We both realize how ridiculous this is, but, nonetheless, here we are. What spelling do you think we should go with?

As an aside, I do have a bit of hesitation that this name is weirder or more pretentious than I think it is. Does it seem too weird for midwesterners to use this name? My husband’s ancestors were Scotish but his family has been in the US for hundreds of years. Will it seem like we’re trying too hard or something? Admittedly, we can be a little pretentious (at least we’re aware, right???) so maybe we should just own it, but I don’t know.

Thank you for your help!

 

I am much more familiar with the Alistair spelling, and that would be my own choice. I agree with your reasoning: especially if I were going with a less common name, I’d prefer to use the most common spelling.

The “more/most authentic” argument feels a little dicey to me. Names change over time and as they cross into different languages/alphabets/cultures. If he prefers an OLDER spelling, or a spelling from a particular language/alphabet/culture, that’s fine: some people would rather use Iohannas or Eoin or Jan or Jean or Gianni instead of the more-familiar-in-the-U.S. John. But saying that one version is more “authentic” than another seems…well, dicey.

You asked if the name is too weird or pretentious to use, and I’d say no, but then again I am a person who spends a lot of time looking at and thinking about names, and so there are a lot of names I have gotten accustomed to that might be more startling to the general public. I don’t see any reason Alistair can’t join Theodore and Arthur and Oliver and so forth—but perhaps it would strike others as being more in the range of Percival and Archibald. (I would also like to see Percival become more common. PERCY!!)

It can feel ridiculous, but this spelling disagreement may indeed mean you won’t be able to use the name. Paul and I lost the name Elliot because we couldn’t agree on the spelling, and it felt/feels so STUPID when we both LOVED the name—but, I didn’t love it the way he wanted to spell it, and he didn’t love it the way I wanted to spell it, and so in the end it was just as if we were talking about two entirely different names. You have lots of time left, so what I suggest is putting it on the list as “Alistair/Alastair” for now, and working on coming up with more options in case the spelling can’t be resolved.

Do you like Albert or Alfred? I feel as if those names have a similar English sound, while being a little more accessible. I went to kindergarten with an Alfie; I wonder if that was short for Alfred; other potential nicknames include Freddie and Al. And Bertie is a cute nickname for Albert.

I’ve seen Gilbert getting some attention recently.

Or perhaps Louis? Frederick? Edmund? George? Simon? Miles? (Maybe too much like Miles Davis with the surname.)

Ellis? Hugh? Graham? Rupert? Roland? Barnaby? Vincent?

Or maybe one of the ones I mentioned earlier as palling around with an Alistair: Theodore, Arthur, Oliver.

Or August, for his possible birth month.

Or Francis, with the darling nickname Frankie.

Double Surnames: Let’s Do It

43 Replies

This started as a conversation on the long car ride home from the big-city hospital where my son Edward gets monthly Remicade infusions for his Crohn’s disease. We were talking about surnames, and how problematic it is to have a system that so consistently favors men’s family surnames over women’s, and how in many ways I wish I hadn’t gone along with that system—but also how I have been struggling for decades to think of something else I could have done that I would have liked better, when it is important to me to share a surname with my children, and when I don’t LIKE to be someone who bucks a system: I want to GO ALONG WITH the system, but I want the system to be GOOD AND FAIR AND NOT MAKE IT SEEM AS IF ONLY MEN’S FAMILIES/NAMES ARE IMPORTANT.

Edward (he’s 15) said that his plan is that if he gets married (he spent considerable time saying “IF!!!!”), he and his spouse will choose the Better surname, whichever one that is. He cautioned me that our surname is not starting out from a strong position, and I am not offended by that (it’s PAUL’S surname), and also I agree: the name is not nice sounding, it’s hard to spell and pronounce, etc. Anyway, I think this is a pretty good method. In some cases it’ll be easy to choose the Better surname; in other cases I expect it would result in some fairly competitive (but hopefully also FUN) discussions. I can imagine this system nevertheless ending in most hetero couples deciding, Purely By Coincidence, that the man’s surname is Better, but let’s not be pessimistic.

I next discussed this topic with William, age nearly-20, as we drove back to his college to pick up all the stuff he left behind last March: the college had been storing it, but made the suggestion that Right Now Please would be a good time to come get it, so we did. He liked the “choose the Better name” idea too, and we also discussed the merits of smash-names and choosing an entirely new name. We agreed that it seems that our society feels warmly about (1) household families all having a matching surname and (2) the history of surnames handed down generation after generation. So an ideal solution would make both of those possible, without resorting to “Welp, guess it always has to be the Man’s surname, then!”

So then I brought the topic to Rob, age 22. He enjoys this kind of discussion: picking through layers of meanings and cultural feelings and issues of fairness and so on. And he proposed the VERY FIRST solution I have EVER HEARD that feels to me like it solves all the issues AND could actually work. It’s an Everyone Gets Two Surnames solution. (As with our current surname system, no one is suggesting that this solution be REQUIRED or LEGISLATED; it would just be nice to have it replace the Current Traditional Default of Everyone Takes the Man’s Surname.)

When a couple married, each person would drop one of their two surnames (basing that decision on whatever priorities they personally had), and the couple’s new joint surname would be made of the two surnames that remained, and that would also be the surname they’d use for all their children. So Casey Miller Lovejoy and Jordan Appleby Rose would become, say, Casey and Jordan Miller Rose (they liked the sound of Lovejoy better but Casey is estranged from the Lovejoy side of the family; Jordan is close with both sides of the family but sick of Applebee’s jokes/references), and their children would all have the surname Miller Rose.

A single parent would give their own two surnames to their child(ren).

In the case of divorce/remarriage, a person would drop the part of their surname that belonged to the first spouse and make a new surname with the new spouse—which still lets them share half their surname with their children, if there were any children. Half-siblings would share half-surnames, which appeals to me. (Someone who was NOT remarrying could take back their original two surnames and still share half a surname with their children.)

Anyway, the kids and I had a lot of fun figuring out what their surnames would be under this plan. At first I was thinking I’d have had the birth surname [Mom’s maiden name] [Dad’s bachelor name]—but then I realized I didn’t know what my parents birth surnames would have been under this system OR what they would have chosen as the two surnames to be their new married surname! I could have had the surname [Maternal grandmother maiden name] [Paternal grandmother maiden name]! WHO KNOWS!!

One of the kids suggested we actually just go ahead and change our family surname. It wouldn’t even be very weird for the kids and me, since we all have those exact names in that exact order, it’s just that my maiden name is our second middle name; we’d just have to switch it to a surname.

It’s a little compromised in our case, because Paul and I only grew up with one surname each, so those are the ones that feel like “ours,” and so those are the ones we’d combine to be our married surname—and it’s unfortunate that this automatically results in both of us choosing the paternal surname. BUT: we have to start SOMEWHERE, and naturally there are going to be little glitches in transitioning from one system to another (similarly, we can all expect paperwork and computer-form glitches in the early days, before it takes hold as the new normal), so we will just ONWARD with it. To paraphrase an expression about trees, the best time to transition to a new naming system is many generations ago; the second best time is now. The name that is currently my paternal surname immediately becomes my kids’ maternal surname, and this is how change happens.

Also, if we’re GOING to do this, the time to do it is BEFORE any of our kids think of acquiring spouses, so that they can suggest this naming system to their spouses, and maybe their spouses will love it! LET’S GO, LET’S GET THIS STARTED

Baby Girl Mc_____d, Sister to William (Liam), Charles (Charlie), Matthew (Matt), and Thomas (Tommy)

71 Replies

Hi Swistle!

I’m expecting my fifth child in May, and after four boys I can’t wait to be having a girl! Naming our boys was easy, we poured over lists, used the process of elimination, asked our parents about family names and eventually came to an agreement. We alternated final say, and now it’s my turn again, although our requirement is that each person must love the name. Now, although I didn’t pick all of them, I am absolutely in love with all the boys’ names and couldn’t imagine them as anything else.

Their names are:
William Field ‘Liam’
Charles Larson ‘Charlie’
Matthew Wilkinson ‘Matt’
Thomas Smith ‘Tommy’

Our last name is Scottish/Irish and starts with Mc and ending is a hard d sound. I’m an 80s Lauren, and my husband is Henry. Our taste is traditional, somewhat popular (but always popular, so not trendy) names that lend themselves to nicknames, although we often call the boys by their full names. This will almost certainly be our last child.

After naming four boys, I am so excited to be naming a girl and have been spending all my free time making lists and comparing meanings and sounds with the boys’ names.

My list is as follows:
Mary – seems so dull, but I still love it and have never met a little girl with this name. I don’t love that she and Matthew would share an initial
Catherine – my old favorite, which I still love but it feels just a little less exciting now. I don’t love that she and Charlie would share an initial
Anna – plain but adorable, having trouble finding something it could be short for, or if it should be a standalone.
Elisabeth – really cute, and it honors my mom, but I worry people many misspell it as Elizabeth
Alexandra – I love Lexie, but it feels kind of harsh, I like Alexandria too but I’m still on the fence
Jane – really cute and sweet I’m not just quite there yet

Husbands list is as follows:
Amy – Ehhh
Monica – feels way to 80’s to me
Chelsea – not my style
Tiffany – just no
Eloise – I actually really like this, but I just can’t seem to fully get on board
Maggie – feels like a nickname to me
Liza – I like, hoping he many warm up to Elisabeth instead

The middle names we are considering are Halsey (my maiden name), Powell (his mother’s maiden name) and Fowler (My mother’s maiden name).

I kind of feel like a lot of our ideas are pretty dull and we can’t seem to commit to anything fully. I think our problem is that our boys’ names are really established, and it feels like the same boy names are always ‘in’ or popular, while girl names seem to fluctuate through the years. Therefore, my husband has recommended a ton of very 80s names and I am having trouble explaining this to him.

Any ideas on how we can find a middle ground that appeases us both and gives our daughter a great name that goes with Liam, Charlie, Matt, and Tommy? So I come to you Swistle, seeking advice on how to proceed in this uncharted girl name territory :)

Thanks so much!
Lauren

 

Hi Swistle!

Just thought I would update you on the Baby Girl McQ______, sister to William, Charles, Matthew and Thomas, in case you decide to post my question. We have decided to scratch our least favorite names from each person’s list, and have combined them into one list. Here is what we have left.

Arranged in my preference order:
Anna/Mary
Elisabeth/Jane
Eloise
Liza
Maggie
Amy

Arranged in his preference order:
Liza
Amy
Eloise
Maggie
Anna/Elisabeth
Mary
Jane

We are okay with each other’s picks on this list, but really love our own. It was so easy with the boys but are now finding that we cannot seem to agree on anything. Although I kind of like it I wouldn’t feel comfortable signing the birth certificate to Amy or Maggie, and he feels the same way about Mary and Jane. I want to find a name we agree on but both love. Is it possible we need to look beyond our list?

Thanks again!
Lauren

 

I would like to test my powers: do I have the ability to remove Amy from the lists, merely by saying I’d like to, even though I am not one of the parents? I shall try it and see what happens. Amy is a wonderful name, and it is now a Mom Name. If you were both very set on it, you would not need my permission to go ahead and use a perfectly-usable-even-if-dated name (many kids are named for aunts/uncles/parents and so it’s not an uncommon situation), but in this case it seems the issue is that your husband is claiming to be unable to understand explanations about how names come in and out of style, and that doesn’t seem to me like sufficient reason to leave the name on the list. Even if the topic of naming trends is fresh territory for him, I have faith in his ability to use the Social Security Administration’s baby name site to examine the trends for himself, and to consider his own experience in the world as further supporting evidence. Amy, Tiffany, Chelsea—those names have had their time in the sun, and they are enjoying a time of peace and rest. Let’s see, you say you’re an ’80s Lauren, so if your husband is approximately the same age, we can explain to him that your daughter being named Amy/Tiffany/Chelsea in 2021 would be like if your husband had high school classmates named Barbara, Nancy, and Debbie. Those are GREAT NAMES! I look forward to seeing them again, when they come back into style! But they weren’t in style for kids born in the 1980s; they were Mom Names. That is how Amy and Tiffany and Chelsea are now, to your children’s peers.

One possible option is to use Amelia, and your husband can nickname her Amy.

Let’s look at the other names on the lists. What stands out to me is that you have Elisabeth in second place and he has Liza in first place. If you weren’t using the s-spelling of Elisabeth, I would think we had a potential winner: name her Elizabeth, call her Liza as a nickname. And I do still think you could do that, but in your shoes I wouldn’t want to: the nickname Liza seems sure to increase the frequency of misspellings of Elisabeth. Nor would I want to change the spelling of Elisabeth, if it honors your mom. I too will hope that his feelings about the name Liza will help him warm to the name Elisabeth.

The next thing I notice is that you both have Eloise as a third choice. That’s one of my own favorite names, so of course I’m all for it—except that you mentioned you’re having trouble getting fully on board. And it IS your turn to have the final say, AND this is probably the only girl, so that makes me reluctant to have you compromise on a third-choice name. (But if this turns out to be the best area for agreement, I will rejoice, because I just love the name Eloise. Eloise Halsey Mc_____d!)

Looking higher up on your list, I see you have Anna and Mary; Mary is almost at the bottom of his list, but Anna is not far from the middle, especially if it turns out I did have the power to remove Amy. I think Anna is a terrific choice with your boys’ names; I like that she gets her own initial; and I don’t think Anna needs to be short for anything (it’s the same number of syllables as her brothers’ names)—and in fact I find it more charming on its own.

ESPECIALLY since this is the first and likely only girl, I like the idea of her having your maiden name as her middle. Anna Halsey is fabulous. I would want that name for myself.

I do think it might help to add more names to the list. Your preferences are almost reversed from each other’s, and that can make for unhappy naming.

I agree with you that Maggie is a nickname (and I would particularly object to that as a given name for the only girl, when all her brothers have full names plus nicknames). But it is a nickname for another of my own top favorite girl names: Margaret. How do you feel about the name Margaret? I am not thrilled that she’d be sharing an initial, but that preference got knocked down the list for me as we had more and more kids and I didn’t want to rule out whole sections of the name book, and maybe you feel the same. Margaret Halsey, called Maggie (and/or Meg and Daisy and Greta).

Another from this general range: Josephine. Nicknames Jo, Joey, Josie, Posey. And she gets her own initial. Josephine Halsey Mc_____d.

Or Clara. I love the repeating sound with your surname. It lacks a clear and natural nickname, but I suspect you’d call her Clarey (similar to Mary) and Clare-Bear as pet names. Clara Halsey Mc_____d.

Or Grace, nickname Gracie. Grace Halsey Mc_____d.

Or Eve, nickname Evie. Eve Halsey Mc_____d.

Ivy doesn’t have a good nickname, but I love it anyway. Ivy Mc_____d. I don’t know if I’d still use Halsey as the middle; I probably would, because of the way I’ve noticed most middle names vanish except for birth announcements and graduation ceremonies.

I wonder if adding Di to Anna would improve it for either/both of you. Diana Halsey Mc_____d. Oh, but I guess I wouldn’t put it in a sibset with a Charles.

I wonder if adding E to Liza would make you like it more. It definitely makes ME like it more: I would not have Liza on my own list at all, but Eliza is one of my top favorite names, and it’s very odd how such things can be the case. Eliza Halsey Mc_____d.

You mention finding some of the names on your list a little dull, but I can report that encountering a Mary in our school system was electrifying to me: my eyes just skip right past that name in the name books, and I think of it as abundantly common—but among children in our area, it is very very rare, and fresh and startling to meet one. Jane is similar: I don’t know ANY.

Oh! Another name that electrified me in that same way was Rose. It’s so abundantly common as a MIDDLE name, I wasn’t prepared for the effect as a FIRST name. Rose Halsey Mc_____d. I LOVE this for you. Nickname Rosie, but also I know if it were me I would call her Rosabelle, Rosalie, Rosamund, and so on, and probably Rosey-Posey leading to just Posey. I LOVE THIS.

Would Jane be improved if it were June? June Halsey Mc_____d.

The name Sarah was so popular in my generation, it’s another one my eye skips past. But nicknames such as Sadie and Sally make it fresh to me again. Sarah Halsey Mc_____d, called Sally.

Which reminds me: would your husband find the name Mary any more appealing if he knew it had nicknames Molly and Polly?

 

 

 

Name update:

Hi Swistle!

Our baby girl arrived early, she was born on May 5th. Her four older brothers are already obsessed, and she has stolen all our hearts. Admittedly, we struggled a lot with her name. She actually was nameless for over 24 hours, but we eventually agreed on something that feels perfect. Rose was a name you suggested Swistle, and from the moment I read it I had a feeling it was perfect. My husband wasn’t sure at first, but once we met our little girl he began warming up to it, and once we went to sign the birth certificate, we were both certain that Rose is definitely our girl’s name. For a middle name, we decided to bestow on our baby two family names, and with that her name feels complete. Rose Elisabeth Halsey McQ____d completes our family in ways we didn’t think possible. For now, she mostly goes by Rosie, but just like you said Swistle, we have already started to call her Rosamund, Rosabelle and a variety of other nicknames.

Thank you so much to you and your fabulous readers for the help!
Lauren, Henry, Liam, Charlie, Matt, Tommy and Rosie :)

Baby Bergman, Sibling to Jordyn, Brynn, and Joshua

20 Replies

Hello!

We are stuck on a girl name for our soon to be babe. Due February 14, 2021. Our last name is Bergman, three older siblings are Jordyn, Brynn and Joshua. We’ve considered the names Jillian and Brooklyn, but aren’t sold yet.

Your help would be appreciated!

 

I hope this response isn’t too late to be of any use.

I find Brooklyn Bergman a little hard to say, but possibly in a good way, I can’t decide. I like that it gives you two each of J names and B names, and I like that all three girls get a Y. I like Jillian, but if it were me I’d prefer not to add a third J name (but I wouldn’t let that stop me if I loved the name and wanted to use it). More names to consider (including some I’m not sure about with the surname, in the same way I’m not sure about Brooklyn):

Ashlyn
Aubrey
Avery
Bailey
Bethan
Carys
Delaney
Ellery
Ellison
Emerson
Emlyn
Finley
Hadley
Keelyn
Kinley
Laine/Lane
Paige
Reese
Ryleigh
Shelby
Sloane
Sydney
Teagan

Baby Girl Weigh-with-a-B, Sister to Elijah (Eli), Ezra, and Ethan

37 Replies

Hi Swistle!

You helped us pick a name 2 years ago for our 3rd boy. We are excited to announce we are adding a little girl to our family in February 2021. We are completely stumped on the name though. Our last name sounds like weigh with a B. I am Kandice and go by Kandi and husband Adam. We have 3 boys. Elijah (Eli) Reid, Ezra Lucas and Ethan Alexander. Since we went with three E names I feel like we have to follow our pattern with the fourth even though it’s a girl this time. Names we like include Eden, Evelyn, Emilia, Eloise. Non-E names I like are Iris and Norah. I like names that can be shortened to a nickname like with above,, Evie, Emmie, Ellie, etc. For a middle name I would like to go with Joy which is my mom’s middle name but I’m not sure it goes well with the names we like. Please help us!

Thank you!

 

As I did last time, I will say something you already know, which is that you really do not have to use an E name. We get to choose only a very, very limited number of baby names in our lives, and it seems like a shame to narrow those choices so drastically and so arbitrarily. Why give up the category “Names We LOVE” in exchange for the category “Names that Start with the Same Letter as the First Name We Chose”? Well. I do see how these things happen. And if you LOVE the idea of all the kids’ names starting with an E, and if drastically narrowing the name-choice field is helpful and reduces naming stress rather than increasing it, well then why not. Let’s look at names on your list.

I think Eden is way too close to Ethan. Also, it adds a third long-E to the group, and I find it a little uncomfortable to say with your surname, and a little uncomfortable as part of a run of biblical names. I do like the way it repeats the ending of Ethan, so you’d have two E-names that end in -a/-ah and two that end in -an/-en.

I like Evelyn. I like it with your surname. I like that it gives you two -ah/-a endings and two -an/-yn endings. I like that it gives you two 2-syllable names and two 3-syllable names. I like that it gives you two long-E names and two short-E names. I like that it adds a new consonant sound. This is my top choice from your list.

I think Emilia is pretty close to Elijah. And it adds a third -a/-ah ending to the group. Also, I know it’s an established alternate spelling for Amelia, but in this situation it feels like the spelling was chosen just to get an E name. But if it turns out to be your favorite, I think it works fine, and I think it’s good with the surname.

I LOVE Eloise; it’s on my own list. I like that it gives you two 2-syllable names and two 3-syllable names. I like that it adds a fresh ending. I think it’s great with the surname. But if you’re planning to shorten it to Ellie, I think that’s way too close to Eli.

I think Joy works great with most names, and is terrific with Evelyn, Emilia, and Eloise; I think it works fine with Eden.

I am sure you have pored over the E section of the baby name book so many times we can’t possibly come up with names you haven’t yet considered—but sometimes hearing someone else advocate for a name can put it back into the running, so let’s spend some time mentioning more E names we like.

Another E name from my own list is Eliza. I love it so much. I do think it is probably too close to Ezra [edited to add: and I agree with commenters it’s MUCH too close to Elijah], and also there is the same issue with Eli if you’d like to call her Ellie. But I think it’s fabulous with your surname.

Esther. Ancient and lovely, and biblical like your boys’ names. When I say the names aloud, I wonder if it is too close to Ezra; the sounds are very similar.

Eleanor. Again, the Eli issue if you want to call her Ellie. You could call her Nora, but of course she could still choose to go by Ellie. But gorgeous with your surname.

Ellery, Ellison, Eliana, Elena, Ella, Elodie, Elsa, Elspeth—all have the Eli/Ellie problem.

Emberley, Everly. It doesn’t seem to me that these fit your usual style, but they can be shortened to Emmie/Evvie, and I think they’re cute with the surname.

Emmeline. I love this. Elijah, Ezra, Ethan, and Emmeline.

Evalina/Evelina. I know a little girl with this name, and I find the name wears well and continues to be fun to say. I love it with your surname, and I like that it gives a new consonant sound. It does give you three -a/-ah endings.

Estelle. You could call her Essie or Stella.

Eva. Gives you a third long-E name, but I still love it.

Baby Boy Weier, Brother to Matilda (Mattie) and Genevieve (Evie)

40 Replies

Our first baby boy is due at the end of May and we need help! His sister’s are Matilda “Mattie” August and Genevieve “Evie” Francis last name Weier (sounds like ‘wire’). Our girls’ names have a regal, traditional but uncommon vibe, with a hint of religiosity (names inspired by saints) and we haven’t been able to find the same with a boy’s name. If we were having another girl top candidates were Florence, Josephine, Winnifred, Felicity, Phillippa and Beatrix with the middle name James (we did kind of masculine girl middle names.)

A couple names we considered and rejected:
• Copper, but we didn’t feel like it had a strong enough meaning being derived from a profession
• Conner, still OK but then husband mentioned something about a lacrosse bro and that was done
• Husband Vetos: Anderson, Malcolm, Reed

Other thoughts:
• I had a dream we named him Hayes
• Samuel has been on our Boys list for YEARS and now we are finally here and I’m kinda bored of it, plus it’s REALLY common and doesn’t feel special like out girls names
• My favorite name which I still can’t convince husband of is Shepherd. It has great meaning and significance and I just have a feeling about it. But the husband gets a ‘culty’ vibe from it. If you want to write a whole post about why we SHOULD use Shepherd so I can convince him that would be great 😀
• Kind of liking Deacon and Beau lately
• MUST have a nickname! Husband will immediately veto if he thinks there is no good nickname for it.
• Recently husband has been thinking something “Texas-y” since that is where we live. Not super obvious like Austin but a Texas vibe.

Do your worst, or best :)

 

I think first we should check to see if your boy-name style is in fact regal/traditional/uncommon with a hint of religiosity like your girl-name style, or if it’s different. Conner, Hayes, Shepherd, Deacon, Beau, Austin—those seem more contemporary/modern/surnamey to me (though some have that hint of religion). It is possible that you’re stuck because you’re trying to get your boy-name style to match your girl-name style, and maybe it doesn’t. One reason I so heartily recommend The Baby Name Wizard is that it divides names into categories in a way I find helpfully diagnostic: you can look at each category, and notice how many names you like in each one. It can lead to “Well, I’ll be darned: we like Exotic Traditionals for girls, but Country & Western [or Surnames, or Celtic, or whatever] for boys!” moments.

Let’s start by working on a list of names that meet at least some of the regal/traditional/uncommon/religious preferences and see what we get (we won’t worry at this point about how names work with the surname and the sibling names, and we won’t yet require nicknames):

Adrian
Aidric
Alexander
Albert
Alfred
Alistair
Andrew
Arthur
Augustus
Bartholomew
Caspian
Charles
Claudius
Conrad
Desmond
Dominic
Edmund
Edward
Felix
Finian
Frederick
George
Harold
Henry
Hugo
James
Jasper
Julian
Julius
Lancelot
Laurence
Leopold
Louis
Marcus
Nathaniel
Nicholas
Oliver
Philip
Quentin
Richard
Sebastian
Silas
Simon
Solomon
Sterling
Theodore
Victor
Wesley
William
Winston
Xavier

When you look through that list, does your heart beat faster? Do you think, “YES, THIS kind of name!!” Or are you thinking, “I dunno. Meh. None of those seem Quite Right”? Let’s look now at an assortment of names trying for more of a modern/contemporary/surname/Texas feel (again, without worrying at this point about surname, sibling names, or nicknames):

Abbott
Ames
Barnaby
Barrett
Beckett
Blaise
Brecken
Broderick
Brogan
Camden
Carson
Carter
Casey
Clancy
Cormac
Crawford
Crosby
Cullen
Darcy
Darby
Declan
Ellis
Everett
Fletcher
Ford
Gage
Garland
Garrett
Grady
Griffin
Harris
Hatcher
Heath
Houston
Hudson
Irving
Jacoby
Keaton
Keegan
Lawson
McKinney
Merrick
Miller
Nolan
Redford
Rhett
Rufus
Spencer
Tanner
Teague
Wells
Weston
Wilder
Wyatt
Yates

Does this list click in any better? Or is it too lacrosse bro?

Or possibly we want to look at the names that could be said to work on both lists in different ways: Wesley, Sterling, Spencer, Nolan, Frederick, etc. Frederick specifically stands out to me: sounds regal and traditional, fairly uncommon, has good nicknames, good with the surname, good with the sibling names. Matilda, Genevieve, and Frederick; Mattie, Evie, and Freddie/Fritz.

I also like Everett: could read as surname/cowboy or as gentleman/regal, nickname Rhett if you want it or E._. with the middle name (as long as it doesn’t sound too much like Evie); Matilda, Genevieve, and Everett; Mattie, Evie, and Rhett/E._.

Or I like Laurence, which I wonder if enough of us have read Little Woman that it wouldn’t be too difficult to pull off the nickname Teddy for it? Matilda, Genevieve, and Laurence; Mattie, Evie, and Teddy.

Or if Nicholas is not too common, it’s quite regal/saint and you could use Cole as Texas-vibe nickname for it. Matilda, Genevieve, and Nicholas; Mattie, Evie, and Cole.

Broderick sounds similar to the saint name Roderick, and gives you the Texas-vibe nickname Brody. Matilda, Genevieve, and Broderick; Mattie, Evie, and Brody.

I liked the name Shepard (I’d likely go with that spelling to reduce the occupational association) after reading a book with a great character named Shepherd/Shep. But I found it harder to imagine on an actual child in an actual classroom. I’d be interested to know what I’d think of it if I encountered it in real life.

I think Hayes would work great with the sibling names, but with the surname it makes me think of the word haywire.

I’d like to request that your husband take a step back from his insta-veto on names without nicknames. It’s such a limiting requirement, and there are so many other ways to get nicknames: initials, letting them happen on their own, etc. Also, many of the boy names with good standard nicknames are the more common names. I suggest FIRST coming up with a list of names the two of you can agree on, and THEN seeing what can be done about nicknames.

Let’s think now about middle names. You gave your daughters masculine middle names; do you have a similar interest in giving your son a feminine middle name? If you want something with a less traditionally masculine feel, and you are in favor of the current administration, the name Robinette would be a fun honor name. If you hadn’t thought ahead to what seems like the messaging of using boy names for girls but not girl names for boys, and now you feel a little stuck but on the other hand don’t want to give him the middle name May or Leigh or Jane, one workaround is to choose a family maiden name (yours, your mother’s, etc.) as his middle name. Or perhaps you can find some unisex names of women in the family tree, or names that were once used for men but are now used mostly for women (Lindsey, Lesley, Allison, Addison) and still have a sort of surnamey/unisex sound as middles. Is Shepherd’s personal meaning/significance in any way connected with a woman? If so, that might (1) make a terrific middle name and (2) give you access to the nickname Shep, if the first name doesn’t have a natural nickname. Or perhaps there is a Roberta/Patricia/Paula/Louise/etc. you’d like to honor by giving him the middle name Robert/Patrick/Paul/Louis after her.

 

 

 

Name update:

Dear Swistle,

I can’t thank you enough for answering my letter and providing such great advice. You truly helped to un-stick us! We found it incredibly helpful to rethink our “style” of name for baby boy. Reading through the two lists you provided we both connected more with the “vibes” of the second more contemporary name list. Turns out I actually was really gravitating toward surnames but it was just about finding the special one. I also forgot to mention in my initial letter that my husband and I come from large families with lots of first cousins who are very fertile :) so many names that you and your readers suggested, and that we love, have already been claimed.

With the help of you and your readers we revisited our list with a new outlook and openness. Ultimately we decided on John Rhodes, the first name after my FIL and middle is the maiden name of my Grandmother. While we plan to call little guy Rhodes, husband especially liked all of the nickname options like: Ro, Roey, Rodeo, Roadie, JR, and even Jack.

Baby Rhodes made his arrival on Wednesday May 19th and we are all home enjoying spending time as a family of 5.

Comment-Liking

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(cc’d from the personal blog)

One of you mentioned the other day that you wished you could “like” someone’s comment, and I thought yes, that would be so fun, too bad it isn’t an option. Then someone else said it, and I thought, well, maybe I should just make sure that wasn’t a possibility, and I poked around behind the scenes in the commenting options area but there was no option for “likes”—too bad. Then someone said it VERY VEHEMENTLY and I thought “OKAY FINE I WILL CHECK FOR SURE” and I searched online and…found something. And I THINK, I THINK I have enabled “likes” on comments.

However. Beta testing by a helpful friend indicates you may need to be logged into WordPress in order to like a comment. Do any of you happen to know any way around that, and/or are you good at researching such things? (It took my maximum tech research effort to get as far as I have.) I don’t want it to be a feature available for WordPress Members Only, and may remove the “like” option if that’s the only way it can be.

(A note: I hope it is intuitively clear that I can never, ever, ever hit “like” on ANYONE’S comment, or else I will need to hit “like” on EVERY SINGLE comment, and one of those strategies is less work and less likely to go amiss than the other, so that is the one I will be doing. It will be UNDERSTOOD that Swistle automatically MENTALLY hits “like” on every comment.)

 

Follow-up: It looks like the comment-likes system is a WordPress Members Only club, so I am turning it back off.

Our Favorite Baby Names Starting with H

78 Replies

Here is the game we are playing:

We are going to pretend that we are naming a baby and that the name MUST start with a certain letter, and so we will need one name starting with that letter for a boy and one name starting with that letter for a girl, or else one name that would work for either, EVEN IF we don’t like any of the names that start with that letter enough to Actually In Real Life choose them. It is just a game where we place artificial restrictions on reality in order to create the kind of tension that makes games fun—like when you have to choose what foods you’d eat if you could only eat three foods for the rest of your life: the fun is in thinking it over AS IF it were a real forced decision, while KNOWING it is not. There is a baby! It MUST be given a name with a particular letter! That is the game.

After that basic concept, we can decide our own sub-rules, based on what makes the game fun and not stressful. Some examples:

• I’m not planning to play that the name has to fit with the names of my other children or with the surname, though this would be an option for anyone who would LIKE to play it that way; I think I will have more fun if I pretend it is a stand-alone baby and that the surname is not an issue, though I may change my mind as we go. (And if I narrow it down to a few options and can’t decide, I might use siblings/surname as a tie-breaker.)

• It is also fine to narrow it down to a few finalists without getting to The One Name.

• The boy name and girl name don’t have to work TOGETHER: we are only naming ONE baby, so you’d only use one or the other. But you MAY play that the names have to work together, if that’s more fun.

• It is fine to wave aside issues such as a friend who already used that name, a famous person with the name, etc., if that makes it more fun and less stressful to choose. This is just pretend, so you can pretend that those things aren’t issues if you want to. (Or you can let the issues stand as they are in real life, if THAT is more fun.)

• We can also all make our own decisions about whether the names have to be ones we think we’d ACTUALLY USE in that hypothetical scenario, or just our FAVORITE names starting with that letter, regardless of whether we think the names are practical; I am not sure which way I will play it, and I likely won’t be consistent.

• If you already have a child with a name starting with the letter we’re working on, you get to pick again from all the names that remain; you don’t have to choose your child’s name as your favorite just because it WAS your favorite: this is a FRESH baby, and you wouldn’t give it the same name as your existing child. (If you would normally prefer not to repeat an initial within a sibling group, you can just pretend that’s NOT a preference for the sake of the game.)

• You can do as much or as little explanation as you like in your comment: you can just list the names you chose, or you can explain your process/preferences/reasoning/runners-up, or whatever is most fun.

 

Today’s letter is H. For a girl I like Harriet and Henrietta and Hannah and Hillary and Helen. I like Hope, but Paul can’t resist wordplay so that’s just out. I want other people to use Hermione so it becomes more common. In a world where I don’t have to make my child deal with what other people’s associations are with a name, I choose Hillary. In a world where I deal with reality as it is, I lean toward Henrietta but suspect I wouldn’t actually go for it in the end, and I suspect Paul would lean toward Harriet, and I think we’d actually choose Hannah. Actually-actually, we might go ahead and choose Hillary.

For boys I have already have Henry and Harvey on my list. But at this point, I would use Harris: it’s a family name, and we had it on our list for all our boys but rejected it mostly because we were using my surname as a second middle name and so using a surname-name as the first name felt like So Many Surnames. But now it’s also an honor name for the first female vice president of the United States, and at this point I don’t care anymore if it’s a lot of surnames. (That feels like one of those naming-stage concerns that didn’t pan out as a real issue.)

 

Now you! If you want to! Only if it’s fun and not stressful! Feel free to adjust the game-play to be fun and not stressful!