Brittany writes:

We are having our first baby, due September 27th and we are thrilled! My husband and I know we are very picky and view naming our child as a huge responsibility (and one we’re so happy to have). We quietly turn up our noses at pretty much every suggestion we’ve received from friends & family. That said, at least we’re sort of on the same page about what we’re looking for. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but we want something on the less common side that isn’t too far ‘out there’. Even if I like a name on the top 10 list, I can’t stand the thought of naming my child the same name as his future classmates. Maybe this is because I have a very trendy name from back in my day. Even though we’re both picky, I seem to be the one suggesting name options and my husband is the one giving the veto vote. Our last name is a long dutch name that starts with a B and ends with -ema. We both really like the name Jack (my husbands favorite author is Jack Kerouac) and I find it adorable for all ages. Although it doesn’t meet our criteria for uncommon, and my husband would prefer it as a middle. But we find it timeless. We’ve seemed to have been drawn to Irish/Gaelic names such as Kaelan ( I love names with consecutive vowels) but due to the unsettling trend of the name being given to GIRLS these days, we’ve decided a strong ‘no’ against it. Side note: for a girl possibly someday, Eowyn, Aeris or Charlotte. Here is the short list of the few we’ve tossed around:
Kaelan (the girly issue)
Jasper/Jesper (vintage, but I’m worried about a strong Twilight association)
Grayson (my husband’s one suggestion that I find utterly boring! “son of gray haired man”)
Jax (I LOVE this name, but my husband give it a huge “no way”)
Callen (soft ‘a’ sound… we both got kind of bored with it after a while)
Easton (hubby gave a big veto)
Alistar/Alistair or some variation (we’re really drawn to it for some reason, but it’s a little too..’much’ to feel okay using)
Kai (recently found out an acquaintance is using this name, due within the same week)
Ellison
Alec (hubby vetoed)
Kael (too much like Kale greens?)
Jude/Judah (hubby vetoed)
Kellen (hubby vetoed)
Fin(n)ley/Fin(n)lay/Finn (the one name we both agree on, but can’t seem to nail down what we really want out of it. I usually think one should be given the name that will be used, even if it is considered a “nickname”, but I do like Finley as well as Finn so I think I could easily stand to use the full version and nickname in this situation. The issue then would be spelling. We considered whether or not we like just Finn by itself, but were never quite sure. So if he’ll be called Finn much of the time should we spell the full version with one N or two? And Finley happens to be more popular in the US as a girls name, which bothers me because I want a strong masculine name. Although maybe I should just forget it because it seems to be strongly masculine in it’s Irish origin. And what about the spelling Fin(n)lay. I’ve read that it’s pronounced the same as Finley, but will it be forever mispronounced? And is that even true? And the biggest question of all, is do we even love it, or is it the ‘best of the blah’?

As you can see we’re pretty far from naming our son, despite being weeks from his due date! We’re completely open to new suggestions beyond what we’ve listed!

At one point we thought meaning would be important to us, but I think we’re past that due to the extreme difficulty we’ve had finding ANYthing decent.

And “no” to the name Jackson (even though it has Jack in it)

Can you help us?! And is there any hope?

Barbara writes:

My husband and I are expecting our second & final child, a boy, on September 26th and we can’t seem to settle on a name. I am hoping you and your readers could help us out because there are so many Issues with naming this child that it is making my head spin.

Issue the First:
Initially we had assumed that if this child was a boy we would use either one of two names
Leo Joseph, named for both of our grandfathers, both deceased
or
Simon Edward, named for both of our fathers.

I truly love BOTH these names. However….our last name is Anselmo. I cannot decide if I love Leo enough to overlook double O endings. As for Simon Edward….I’m fearful that there would be Hurt Feelings over this one. For one, his father’s name is actually Eduardo (Portuguese). For another, his father’s name would be “only” the middle name and my father’s would be first and I can see my MIL getting in quite a tizzy over that.

Issue the Second:
Our daughter’s name is Madeleine Danielle. (Only Madeleine…never Maddie) She is not named for any family members. I feel like it is weird to use a family name for one child but not the other. But we have lots of really nice male names in the family and terrible female ones.

Issue the Third:
I do not love Madeleine’s name. It was on a list of about ten that I was okay with naming her that I, frustrated with Hubs, gave to him to choose from. It was not my favourite. I will feel a bit resentful if this child also winds up with a name I feel kind of “meh” about.

Issue the Fourth:
This is the BIG Issue for me….our little boy’s in utero nickname is Fred. We have all been calling him Fred since before we knew he was a boy, even. Now I actually LOVE the name Frederick (the in utero nickname came about partly because my family mocked me SO mercilessly for saying I liked Frederick). My husband most decidedly does not like it. I have no problem compromising on names but there are currently no frontrunners and so Fred is still Fred and I am worried I will not be able to call him anything else soon.

Our short list is currently Nathaniel, Leo, Simon, Felix, Desmond and Donovan.
My husband likes Felix best, which is weird since that’s not his naming style at all.
I don’t mind Felix terribly but am not crazy about it either. My favourite name so far has been, sadly, Frederick.

I also really, really love Elliott but hubs vetoed that one.

Other names that have been vetoed are Jeremy, Isaac, Ezra, Isaiah, Oliver, Henry and Jean Luc. They were all names I LOVE but DH doesn’t. He has never suggested a name therefore NO names he loves are on the veto list.

Um, what else? Oh…if this baby had been a second daughter we would have likely named her Natalie.

I will give you a clue as to how dire the situation is: our daughter has long insisted a baby boy should be called Matthew. Neither Hubs nor I hate it but neither of like that it is so common either. We are, however, so absolutely tired of discussing baby names that we have seriously considered letting the FIVE YEAR OLD name the baby.

(If we choose a name that doesn’t automatically come with a middle name ie Leo, Simon, I’d like to use Matthew as a middle name)

Sorry for the novel. But there are just so many things BOTHERING me about naming this baby and I really wanted you to have all the info. Thank you so much for your help.

OH! A fellow fan of Frederick! I reallllly like that name. Two of the names on my own list are Simon Frederick and Oliver Frederick.

We need to summon your husband. Call him over. Here is his assignment: he needs to give serious thought to his family, since he’s the one who knows them best, and he needs to tell us if, for example, his parents might be happier with no namesake at all rather than a middle/changed name namesake. Some parents would go one way on this and some would go another. And Simon Frederick Anselmo would be a terrific name, and would let you have Frederick and even still call him Fred sometimes as a nickname. And it’s a pleasing naming story.

Which grandfather is your husband’s, Leo or Joseph? Another option would be to use that as the middle name instead of Edward. Simon Leo, or Simon Joseph. Then instead of one father getting higher billing than the other, it’s the nearer generation ranking over the farther—and yet still one name from each side of the family. (Plus, let’s remember that the surname is from your husband’s side of the family.)

Another option is to use Eduardo instead of Edward. It may grow on you with time, and it may improve the situation with the in-laws. Simon Eduardo Anselmo. In that case, it could be argued that “Eduardo Anselmo” is more than half the name and also both your father-in-law’s names, so it’s nicely balanced with just one of your father’s names in the first-name position. You could even have your husband frame it that way: “We named him Simon Eduardo Anselmo—Eduardo Anselmo after you, dad, and Simon after Barbara’s dad.” Plus, that arrangement of names avoids any confusion there might have been if there were two Eduardo Anselmos in the family.

I think it’s okay to have one child with family names and the other without, though I feel the same way you do about it. We have a similar situation in our family, with all four of the boys having one family name, and two of the boys ALSO having the names of friends of ours, and our girl having no family or friend names. I thought it would bother me, but it only bothers me a little teeny bit, and only when I’m telling someone my kids’ names and I’m saying “Rob, after my grandfather; William, after Paul’s grandfather; Elizabeth….after nobody, we just liked the name….” and so on. But a lot of the time I’m just listing the names (“Rob, William, Elizabeth…”) and it’s not an issue anyway. AND, I do think that culturally it’s understandable if a boy is named for family and a girl isn’t, irritating as that tradition may be.

I like these three as finalists: Simon Frederick, Simon Leo/Joseph, and Simon Eduardo.

Adrienne writes:

I’m due September 24 with our fifth baby – gender unknown. Our others are Liberty Skye, Eden Rayne, Sterling Blaine, and Ruby Alexandra. Ruby and Sterling have family names for middle names, the others we picked because we liked. But this time around – my husband likes Charles (family name) but I do not, and Gideon – also one I really do not care for. He hasn’t mentioned finding anything he remotely appreciated for a girl. (Three girls and one boy later, probably because he’s just hoping it’s a boy!) I love River Elliot for a boy but my husband isn’t crazy about it and we’ve tried thus far to avoid the same first initials among kids. My choice for a girl is Colleen Brooke – but it’s been cast aside by my dear husband as well. Chloe was in the running for Ruby, but was cast out because it’s quite popular these days. Asher, Galen, and Sawyer are some of my favorites for boys, and Greta, Nina, Josie and Ainsley for girls – but all have gotten “the frown”.

Reuben was a favorite when Ruby was due, but would be awkward to say the least at this point. Another name we both somewhat like is Silas. Brynne is one of my favorites for girls’ middle names – I like one syllable for the middle since our last name is three syllables. It begins with F so we’ve left all the names also beginning with F alone, and it ends in “uh”, making Dahlia and Deliah – both past considerations – sound a bit repetitive and not necessarily in a good way.

Getting my husband involved in the naming process is difficult – mostly, he reads through the 20,000 names book we have and doesn’t like any of them. Frustrating! Any ideas or suggestions? We like names that aren’t terribly popular that are spelled “normal”. I really would like to find a name with a great meaning, but several times through the baby name book later, I’m not finding anything we can agree on.

Thanks!

So far all of your children have word names; I’m inclined to continue that. This is more difficult for boy names:

Archer
August
Clay
Deacon
Forest (repeats surname initial)
Gable
Grant
Grey
Heath
Mason
Merit
Miles
Miller
Pierce
Reed (repeats sibling initial)
Roman (repeats sibling initial)
Shepherd (repeats sibling initial)
Wade
Walker

You’ll notice I did some REACHING: the names Pierce and Wade, for example, are not considered word names in the same way Liberty and Ruby are word names—but it’s enough of a tie-in to feel like they fit in, without being an overwhelming theme. And Shepherd is usually spelled Shepard when used as a name, but I got a little carried away with my self-imposed Must! Be! Words! theme.

Girl word names are so MUCH easier, they pass into being HARDER: there are so many choices, it’s hard to even sort through them. Flowers! Jewels! Virtues! Emotions! Birds! Colors! But ruling out -uh endings will help, and we can also rule out names that would make other names too word-like: no Garnet or Pearl or Scarlett with a Ruby, for example.

April
Autumn
Briar
Clarity
Clover
Constance
Harper
Haven
Hazel
Holly
Honor
Iris
Joy
June
Juniper
Laurel (repeats sibling initial)
Melody
Olive
Paisley
Patience
Piper
Verity
Violet

Some of these are iffy: the V of Verity might be too close to the F of your surname, and both Verity and Clarity might be too close to Liberty; Haven may be too similar in flavor to Eden; Honor might go too wordishly well with Liberty; Joy and June might work better as middle names.

For non-word names, your husband might like Galen better for a girl than for a boy, and I wonder if he’d like Gibson instead of Gideon? Nolan comes to mind, too.

Kristen writes:

Finalist names:
Gwen (our favorite)
Audrey (also a fave, but it’s my mom’s name – sort of feel weird about that)

Other kids:
Quinlan Elise, Drew (boy), Margot Laine

Surname:
One syllable and starts with a T, so first name shouldn’t start with a T. I don’t love names ending with a t either (other than the silent “t” in Margot). We liked Bridget but rejected it for that reason.

I lean towards older, traditional names that aren’t as popular – like Arwen, Blythe, etc. — all of which my husband hates. He likes stripper names. Heh. But seriously. They sound like strippers. We like Daria as an alternative for Margot but I wanted everyone to have their own letter, so I’m leaving that out as an option right now.
I love the name Gwen and was thinking Audrey Gwen and just calling her Gwen but I’m not sold on naming someone something as a middle name and then using it as a first name. Like, why not just make it her first name.

And I don’t really love Gwen Audrey.

I’d really just like a cool middle name for Gwen. Our kids are not named for anyone in the family, so it doesn’t need to be something sentimental. We’ve been toying with Alexandra and Elizabeth – but I’ve got Elise already and I’m sort of “meh” about having another derivative of Elise.

Help!

I’m with you: I’d rather not call a child by his or her middle name unless I have some super-compelling reason to do it, such as a naming tradition where it’s necessary to avoid mix-ups.

So let’s look for a good middle name for Gwen. I THINK Quinlan Elise and Gwen Elizabeth are too similar. The “Quin” of Quinlan is already so close to the sounds of Gwen, it seems like adding a similar middle name is too much similarity.

I might look first for names starting with D, M, and Q, since you don’t want to use any of those as first names for this or future babies.

Gwen Daria
Gwen Madigan
Gwen Magnolia
Gwen Mallory
Gwen Marissa
Gwen Matilda
Gwen Melina
Gwen Meredith
Gwen Millicent

I find that with the one-syllable first name and one-syllable surname I like the longer middle names: Magnolia is my favorite from this list, and I like the way it has the same rhythm as the name Elizabeth. Others like that:

Gwen Amelia
Gwen Cecelia
Gwen Cordelia
Gwen Felicity
Gwen Livinia
Gwen Olivia
Gwen Veronica
Gwen Victoria

Also Gwen Penelope, but something about that sounds amusing to me.

But before I act as if Gwen is The Choice, I think Audrey is a wonderful name, and I like the two syllables with your one-syllable surname, and I like how it’s not similar to any of the other kids’ names: Quinlan, Drew, Margot, and Audrey is a very nice assortment. One of my kids is named for my dad and it hasn’t been weird—but then, I also didn’t mind the idea that it might make my pinehole father-in-law wonder why we didn’t use HIS name. Some middle names for Audrey:

Audrey Carissa
Audrey Corinne
Audrey Gwenyth
Audrey Helene
Audrey Isla
Audrey Jean
Audrey Jocasta
Audrey Joella
Audrey Laurel
Audrey Penelope
Audrey Piper

Do the rest of you want to vote? Not with a poll this time, but just say which of the two names is your favorite, and then list some middle names?

A commenter mentioned that he/she is unable to find the name updates: that when he/she clicks the links on a name update post, there’s “nothing or just the old post.” In case others are equally confused, the link does in fact take you to the old post, yes. Then you scroll down to the bottom of the post, where the name update has been added to the post, keeping the entire story (question, answer, update) in one place rather than scattering it over several unconnected posts. “Name update” is bolded to assist with the finding.

Jordan writes:

We’re due with our first child on Sept 21st and we CANNOT figure out a boy’s name. We’ve got a girl’s name picked, but are struggling MIGHTILY with t’other. And since apparently everyone and their mom thinks I’m having a boy (up to and including the lovely woman behind the counter at Qdoba, who couldn’t speak a lick of English, but nevertheless assured me that it was indeed a niño) I suppose we had better get a good name picked.

Ok, the important info is as follows: our last name is Smelker, we’re partial to the middle name Loren (after my husband’s dad…we’ve thought about using it for a first name, but aren’t sure…) and I’d like to avoid anything that ends in -er. We don’t want anything too popular or common, but also want to stay away from the really esoteric names like Dweezil or Pilot Inspektor. My current favorite is Phineas, which husband also likes, but he’s thinking more for middle name while I’m thinking first name. (We’d go with the nickname Finn…) Husband’s current and long-time champion favorite is Abram, which for some reason I can’t STAND. (Well, I know one reason why I can’t stand it–the nickname Abe makes me want to chew tinfoil.) Other names we like include:

Emerson
Aaric
Graysen
Sullivan (husband likes this one–I can’t help but dislike both the alliteration and the nickname Sully.)
Arden
Fintan

Of course, none of these has yet proven to be “the one”, but hopefully they give you an idea what we like!

These things are hard to predict, of course, but I’d say Emerson is going to be like the name Mackenzie: first used for both boys and girls, but now used almost exclusively for girls. It’s unfair in both cases, I know, since both -son and Mac- are supposed to indicate a BOY—but not in the U.S., they don’t. (See also: Allison, Madison, Mckayla, Mckenna.) Grayson/Greyson is still considered a boy name, but is getting girled into versions such as Gracen and Graceyn.

Instead I suggest Anderson or Harrison: they have the rhythm of Sullivan (without Sully or alliteration) and the -son ending of Emerson and Grayson. Edison, too: sounds like Emerson, but so far the Eddie nickname is keeping it all boy. And I think my favorite -son name is Lawson, but that may or may not be because of a cute boy I went to high school with who went by his surname Lawson. Ooo, or Carson, I like Carson: it was being used increasingly for girls in the late ’90s but since then has been dropping like a stone for girls and rising up for boys.

Emerson makes me think of Emmett: despite the matching Em- beginnings, Emmett isn’t being used for girls so far.

Aaric and Arden together made me think of Aidric. I like how it blends Eric (getting to be a bit of a Dad Name) and Aidan (one of the Caden/Jaden/Hayden/Brayden cluster) in a way that gets rid of the slight problems with both.

You like Phineas and Fintan, so I wonder if you’d like Finian or Griffin.