Jen writes:

Hi–My husband and I are due with our first child, a boy, on March 13, 2011 and we need help! My husband is Italian and I’m English. We disagree on almost all names and seem to be getting nowhere! For girls names we liked boys names that you can put a feminine twist on or classic family names-I feel like naming a girl might have been easier! Our last name is Peeta with an R and I feel like this eliminates most if not all ‘R’ names (We named our dog Riley bc it was my favorite girl’s name, but I felt like Riley Peeta-with-an-R would never be a good match for a girl). We also agree that the name have a nickname. However, most other things we disagree on…my husband tends to like more common names; Joseph (I do like Joey, but not Joseph), Matthew, Nate, Tyler (and what he likes for names is very limited and is concerned about names not sounding masculine enough and when he’s older). He definitely has said he doesn’t like names that he considers more trendy: Aidan, Mason, Caden…My suggestions that he’s vetoed have been: Beckett, Boden, Giovanni (no nn?), Maximo, Maxwell, Milo (love this one!-husband vetoed bc might not be masculine enough as he gets older?). I also own a preschool so I feel like there’s some names that just aren’t a good fit because I’ve known several children with certain names…

We have a super small list of options that we agree on so far:

-Callen (too feminine? Callan?) nn Cal
-William (too common in our area? but this is also a family name) nn Will
(we do not have a middle name picked out yet either so are open to suggestions here too)

First names we love but cannot use: Brian, Andrew, Anthony, James, Daniel

As you can see, we don’t have much to go on so far and are coming down to the wire. Hope you can help!!!
Thank you!

If Callen seems too potentially feminine, Callum might work. Callum Peeta-with-an-R is nice. Or Calvin, or Callahan, or Caleb. Or I think my favorite would be Malcolm.

If you like Joey but not Joseph, I wonder if you’d like Josiah? Or I’ve liked the name Joel ever since a nice boy named Joel in 4th grade. Or Jonah might still have the slightest smack of whale, but Jonas works now that The Jonas Brothers have made it mainstream. Or I love the name George with the nickname Geordy—not quite Joey, I realize, but something of the same sound. Your choice of Giovanni also has the nickname Joe and perhaps Joey, though I’m not sure how I’d spell them: Gio doesn’t have at all the same flavor as Joe.

If you like James, may I put in a good word for John? The name is so familiar, it’s too easily dismissed. It feels over-common, and yet it’s increasingly uncommon to run into actual little boys named John—especially since often if they ARE named John, it’s a family name and they go by something else. This gives the name the unexpected freshness of a name like Mary: the mind glosses over it while perusing the baby name book, but on an actual child there is a feeling of pleasant surprise.

My favorite William alternative is Wilson—but then you lose the family connection.

Perhaps you could get your husband to reconsider Milo. I don’t see any reason it would lose masculinity as the child grew. Would your husband like Miles better? Or Leo?

If you both love Daniel and your husband likes Nate, perhaps Nathaniel?

Or Isaac?

Sophie writes:

I am due on the 15th and we keep selecting and then tossing out names. We have a short list and I would love your insight/advice.

This is our second child. Our first is named Dahlia Carmel. We love her name. Dahlia is after my husband’s grandmother, and Carmel is the place where we were married. Our last name is three syllables and starts with a B and ends with “nik”, so my husband likes soft feminine names that end in “a”. I like French names as I am half-French. I also like unusual names, but not something terrible unrecognizable or hard to spell.

Here is the short list:
-Camilla (is this usually spelled with one or two l’s?)
-Camille
-Kira (would you spell it like this or Keira which seems more complicated to me)
-Amelie
-Clara (my husband and I realized after deciding we loved this name that there are two ways to say this name and he likes one and I like the other)
-Nadia (we like slavic sounding names too)
-Tea or Teya/Taya (we love the name but are not sure how to spell it)

Now, for her middle name we were thinking of calling her Royale. My husband is from Montreal, and we have spent a lot of time there. Mount Royal is what Montreal is named for. The only problem is that we have shared this with a few people and they keep telling us that it reminds them of the bit in Pulp Fiction where John Travolta talks about what cheeseburgers are called at MacDonalds in France….Royale with Cheese. Did you think of that?? I also thought of using Monique (MONtreal, QUEbec), but my husband isn’t sure. Other middle name options could be other places we have been/love like Rio (many places in India, Morocco, China, Australia, South Africa—we love to travel), or after my grandparents which would start with an A or H.

Please help us. We don’t have much time left!!!
Thanks!

Any other ideas? Which of these do you like from the list?

Thanks for your help and advice!

If I hadn’t looked it up, I would have been absolutely certain that Camilla was the standard spelling and Camila an odd variation (odd because it’s not phonetically correct for the U.S. English pronunciation cah-MILL-ah). But I DID look it up, and according to the Social Security Administration, 547 girls were named Camilla in 2009, and 3707 were named Camila. According to The Baby Name Wizard, “Camila” is the Spanish version. Sometimes when I suggest the name Camilla, someone will say they associate it too strongly with the Camilla who married the Prince of Wales; perhaps the Spanish version lacks that association completely and so is more often used.

The spelling Kira lends itself to more mispronunciations: it could be KY-rah or KEER-ra. Whereas Keira is only KEER-ra. I’m not sure what I’d do, either: I prefer the look of the first spelling, but the ease of the second.

The primary downside of the name Téa is, as you say, the problem of how to spell it. I sat here for awhile puzzling it out, wondering how I’d spell it. Taeya, maybe, if what you want is the TAY-yah pronunciation. I wonder if you’d like Tia instead? Another option is to name her Mattea and call her Tea for short.

I didn’t think of Pulp Fiction when I saw the name Royale. I also like Rio and India and China from your list—but both Royale and Rio seem more masculine to me, and India and China don’t seem to fit well with any of the first name possibilities. I would lean toward the family names, if they fit better, or perhaps use one of the other first-name options.

My favorites from your list are Camilla and Nadia. Dahlia Carmel and Nadia Amelie, or Dahlia Carmel and Camilla Taeya.

Marce writes:

I write to you from Buenos Aires, Argentina, expecting a baby girl on 19th of Feb! My husband and I have a 2 year old son named Agustin Marcelo (said Ah-goo-steen in Spanish) which was lucky, because it can easily be pronounced in English, and my family will be moving to Virginia, U.S.A. about four months after the new baby is born.

We have not come up with any names we are seriously considering so far because we are wanting to be extremely cautious about the bilingual factor. We will be in the US for 10 years at the least, so our children will clearly be raised very American. I myself spent my high school years in Washington, and as a Marcela, I know the troubles of having a name that is not pronounceable in the country where one is living, and I do not want that to happen to my daughter.

The only names we’ve really liked so far are impossible to pronounce in English, so let us start from scratch. We like very lovely, long names, although short is fine too. Hopefully it will sound nice with Agustin (with the English pronunciation too). We would also love for the middle name to be Magdalena or Isabel, but it is not necessary. Hopefully it would not be too common a name in the US. We do not really like common names (we have looked at Andrea, Julia, etc, but they do not appeal). Also, we are inclined toward nickname-able names (Agustin is called Agu, I am Marce, my husband Feli).

Sorry if that is very much to ask! Of course not all the criteria needs to be met, just some things we am looking for.

These are, for me, the hardest questions to answer. I feel pretty solid with U.S. names, but nowhere near familiar enough with other countries’ names or pronunciations—let alone the connotations of names, which is the hardest part for a non-local to get a feeling for, or to research—to even make a start at it.

But this is the beauty of the internet: we can pool our knowledge. And so I post this question, even though I’m unable to answer it, and I hope others will be able to work on it.

Trisha writes:

I write to seek help with a name for a baby girl in a blended family. My partner and I are in the process of adopting a daughter from Japan. She is due February the 14th. (we aren’t looking for any holiday themed names!)

We currently have three children, Ingrid Eliza and Winona Alice (called Nona, quite exclusively), aged 5 and 3.5, my partner, Elizabeth’s daughters, and my son, Ezra Arthur, 7.

We have been all over the place in our name search, but currently, our short list includes Kirstie, Autumn, Ida, Matilde “Tillie,” Shea, Maya, Johanna, and Adele.

Except we don’t really *love* any of those names, and we also don’t see them falling into a certain “group,” so it is difficult to discover similar names that may be the one.

Another thing we’d really love is to give her a middle name that somehow includes her heritage. Japanese names are completely foreign to me, so we’re really just hoping for a name that sounds good with her first name.

Also, on a tangent, I really would like to somehow incorporate the name Katherine (it is very meaningful to me). I love it as a first name, but my partner isn’t too convinced. She is more open if we could call her by a more creative nickname, but we can’t seem to think of any, so if you know of any nice nicknames for Katherine, please do tell.

I know it’s a bit of a tall order, but I am hoping you will be able to help!

Katherines used to go by Kathy, but now mostly go by Kate. My favorite nicknames for it, though, are Kay and Kit: I think they have the sass of Kate, but with more vintage charm.

I too am unfamiliar with Japanese names. Will she come with her own name, which could used as her middle name? Or will you have any information about the city in which she was born? Or depending on how the adoption is being done, could someone in Japan help you by choosing a name for her, perhaps with a specific meaning?

I have a book called The Best Baby Names in the World, From Around the World (it looks like this version is the currently available one) that has a small section of Japanese names. It looks like there are a lot of good choices: names with pleasing meanings, and pleasing sounds to the U.S. ear. Just a few examples: Aiko (EYE-koh) means beloved; Chiyo (CHEE-yo) means eternal; Hana (HA-nah) means flower; Kana (KAH-nah) means beautiful or excellent; Kei (KAY) means happiness; Keiko (KAY-koh) means happy child; Sachi (SAH-chee) means blessed or lucky; Suki (SOO-kee) means loved one.

Here are some first name possibilities I think work well with the sibling group:

Adeline
Alice
Beatrix
Carys
Cecily
Cora
Iris
Pearl
Phoebe
Stella

I like Stella Kei J_____-F____. Or Iris Keiko J_____-F____. Or Phoebe Keiko J_____-F___. Or I like Katherine (Kit/Kay) Suki J_____-F___.

Trini writes:

WOW, I have been waiting to write to you for ages! The time has finally come! (I think I delayed picking a name just so I’d get to write! Ha!)

My husband and I are due with our sixth (!!) and definitely final child on February 12th (though all of my babies have been late).

The Greene family is Elias (Eli) Fletcher (11), Eliot Jude (10), Alek Neal (8), Owen Heath (6), Ira Steffen (3).

Our naming style is quite a cornucopia, I know, so I’m not quite sure how to classify the parameters for this name. I know we like shorter names, but preferably not one syllable, because I imagine that to sound quite choppy with Greene. Also, I’ve realized that all of our sons’ names begin with a vowel! Unintentional, but a tradition I think I’d like to continue onto the final child. It is not necessary, but it would be nice to have a sort of pattern, I think.

Oh! This is a baby girl, I’ve forgotten to say! (Poor girl, with five older brothers!) Our first, so this is very exciting for me!

My husband, on the other hand, was always very excited to contribute boys name, is not so keen on girls names. He tends to throw out “Madison” or “Emily” and becomes uninterested when I resist those sort of very popular names.

I like very classic names, Elouise, Augusta, Mathilda, Clementine, Eleanor, Philippa, etcetera, but my husband has scoffed at them all, so I’m not sure where to go from here.

The middle name must be a variation of Rose— what variation we haven’t set yet, so suggestions on that would also be great.

Thanks so much!

Some vowel possibilities:

Adeline
Annabel
Annika
Aubrey
Audrey
Emeline
Emerin
Emlyn
Eva
Imogen

I had Eliza and Elizabeth on the list, but with two boys already starting in Eli-, it seemed like it might be too much. And I had Ellen on there, but: two boys already starting in El- and having five letters. And Elsa—but Elias has all four of those letters, in almost the same order. It started to seem like maybe E names (and especially El- names) were a bad idea. But Emeline works, I think, because it’s three syllables instead of two, and it doesn’t start with El-, and also because it’s similar to your husband’s suggestion of Emily, but without being common at all. Emlyn and Emerin work too, I think.

One of my favorites from the list is Annabel. I think it goes well with the line-up: Elias, Eliot, Alek, Owen, Ira, and Annabel. I love it with your surname: Annabel Greene.

Some Rose-related possibilities:

Rosa
Rosabel
Rosalie
Rosalina
Rosalind
Rosamaria
Rosamond
Rose
Rosella
Rosemary
Rosie
Rosina

Using Rose alone emphasizes that it and your surname are both colors—but if you’re honoring a family member named Rose, I’d go straight for Rose rather than using a variation.

Mary writes:

I am due March 11th with a baby girl. I have a 2-year-old son named Jack and our last name starts with an H and ends with an N and is two syllables. My husband and I had no problem agreeing on Jack as a name for our son. We have also had no issue picking a name for our baby girl. Before we knew that our first child was a boy we agreed on the name Clare and still love the name. Perfect right? No! The problem is that this name has caused some family drama.

I have a very large and close family and when I was pregnant with my son Jack everyone knew that Jack and Clare were the names that my husband and I had agreed upon. When my cousin got pregnant last year she announced that her girl’s name was also Clare. I was shocked and upset but she had a baby boy in the end. Now that I am having a girl she has made comments that she still loves the name Clare and that we can just have two in our family. But I do not know if I am O.K. with that. We are open to other suggestions but just can’t seem to give Clare completely up. We tend to like Irish names that are classic and are not fans of trendy names. So should I pick another name or just hope that she will not go through with naming a future daughter Clare as well?

Other names that we have considered are:

Bridget (my husband and I both like this name too)

Mary Clare (which would differentiate the two kids if she ever did use the name)

Agnes (I like this name but my husband does not)

Mabel (we both liked this name but have had some negative reactions from family members and friends which has moved us away from the name)

We plan to use Marie or Margaret as a middle name after one of my grandmothers (although these are not set in stone either).

We would love some advice and/or other name suggestions.

I see this as a balance scale. One one side: How you would feel if you gave up the name Clare and then your cousin didn’t use it after all. On the other side: How you would feel if you used the name Clare and your cousin used it too.

You describe yourself as “shocked and upset” that your cousin also loves the name and wants to use it. The word “shocked,” along with the point you make about everyone knowing you liked the name during your first pregnancy, makes me wonder if you may be thinking that by mentioning it back then, you had claimed dibs on the name. So I first want to say that mentioning a name (especially in a pregnancy where you didn’t end up using the name) is not staking a permanent and exclusive claim to it. Think of it more as a heads-up than a claim: you’re letting people know that it’s your intention to use it, and maybe you’re going on record as being the one who mentioned it first, but you’re not saying that the name is YOURS and no one else can use it.

This is, in fact, the same thing your cousin is doing: she’s been giving heads up, but without saying no one else can use it. And since you both want to use the name, it’s good she mentioned that she doesn’t mind two Clares: this gives you important information for making your own decision. Even if your cousin plans to use the name later, nothing at all is being taken away from you: not only do you still have every right to use the name, but also you get to use it FIRST. And of course it is possible your cousin will have only boys, or discover another name she likes better—which is why you need to consider how you’d feel in that situation, if you had given up the name based on a future possibility.

I would really like to urge you not to abandon your favorite name just because the child’s second cousin might have the same name. In a family where second cousins see each other all the time, there are plenty of ways to tell two Clares apart that are not only easy but also fun: nicknames, first-and-middles, initials, family-significant names that evolve over time. It may also forge a special bond between the two girls, who, as long as their mothers aren’t telling them otherwise, may think of it as a wonderful and special thing to share a name.

If you decide the negative feelings you’d have about both children having the name outweigh the negative feelings you’d have about giving the name up, I think both Bridget Marie and Mary Clare are wonderful, beautiful names.

Britney writes:

So, here’s my information.
Due Date: March 11th, 2011
Baby: Girl
Surname: Burch
“Rules”: My husband & I love names that are not very common (certainly not trendy!) but are also very easy to read or pronounce without getting wrong. We also aren’t interested in any names starting with the letter “B” since both of us have “B” names & we don’t want to continue the alliterations any further.

My husband & I are stuck on what to name our little girl. We’ve picked & finalized a name for a boy that we LOVE and that is Hayes. Hayes Cameron to be specific. They are both Irish surnames from my husband’s side & we like that Hayes had meaning to us, plus it fits within our “rules” that we formulated. This is our first child, however, and since it’s a girl we don’t know for sure that we’ll be using Hayes in the future but I suspect we will.

Names we’ve liked but eliminated for a variety of reasons:
Layla – My husband’s favorite which I really liked until I found it’s become too popular. I don’t want any name in the Top 50 and Layla is still climbing at #45…
Kaylee – Another favorite of my husband’s. I’ve eliminated for much the same reason as Layla.
Chloe – I LOVE the sound of this & my husband liked it but once again, too popular.
Kylie – Same problem
McKenna – We both love it, but we had a friend name her child this recently so that’s pretty much out.
Vivienne – One of my favorites but my husband doesn’t like it. I think he feels it’s not “cute” enough but that’s just my take.

Names we’re still considering:
Jocelyn – I picked this & I like it a lot, maybe nickname of “Jocee”. My husband is still deciding on this one.
Kingsley – I really like this & I haven’t run it past my husband yet.

With all these names we’re pretty open to middle names. Grace has stuck out as a very pretty & appropriate middle name. I’m just throwing that out there in case you can use that. Middle names aren’t very important to me, I’m just as apt not to even write down a middle name. We only picked a middle name for our boy name because it’s my husband’s middle name & he wants to pass that along.

Thanks so much for any help you can provide! I honestly can’t believe I’m one of those people that doesn’t have a name. I thought for YEARS growing up that I’d name my little girl Kylie after my favorite singer Kylie Minogue but even that has become popular 15+ years after I fell in love with it. It’s getting harder & harder to be “original” without being weird. =)

One of the most common problems in baby naming is that most of us like the same names at the same time. And if your tastes in names are fashionable (which I just mentioned in another post shouldn’t be considered negative, any more than it’s considered negative to have fashionable tastes in clothing), it’s a struggle for me to understand why you’d choose a name you like less for no other reason than an arbitrary popularity-rank cut-off line. Other girls who wanted to name their daughters after Kylie Minogue are going right ahead and doing it (the name immediately started getting more popular the very year after Kylie Minogue started her career, not 15 years later), so why should you be the one to give up a name you love? Even combining it with the spelling Kiley, it’s a name given to only one quarter of 1% of baby girls, and it seems to be holding steady rather than rising. Is that really so popular you can’t use it?

I do get it, though: I have my own arbitrary naming preferences, as do we all—I just get frustrated at the thought of someone crossing off their favorite names when they don’t have to.

If you want something less common, I suggest Kinsley or Kinley or instead of Kingsley: the boy name Kingston and the word “King” both make the name Kingsley seem boyish to me.

If you like Chloe, I suggest Cleo: exact same sounds in a different order, yet Cleo is not even in the Top 1000 while Chloe is #9.

If you like Kylie and Kayla and Kaylee, maybe you’d like Kaia or Keely or Kira or Kyra or Kyla or Kalliopi or Karis or Karly.

If you like McKenna, maybe you’d like Kiana or McKay or McKinley or Macy.