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Cassie writes:

I’m so excited to get your opinion because my husband and I cannot agree on anything. Our last name is Chapman, and our son’s due date is April 2. However, my first son was born almost 4 weeks early so we’re thinking it will be sometime in March. Our first son is Grey Toban. We love Grey’s name and knew early on this was the only contender. Toban is my father-in-law’s name, so this started the concept of using a family name for the middle name. So, the only thing we can agree on this time is that the new baby’s middle name will be Thomas after my father, ________ Thomas Chapman.

Both my husband and I like less common names, as we do not want our child to be in a class with four other children with the same name. However, my husband loves older names, names that remind me of old men. He also loves “Branch”, which I don’t even think is a name.

Here are his favorites.

Branch
Jimmy
Edmond
Gordon

I like quite a few more names, as I keep trying to come up with something that we both love, but he’s got his mind set that unless I go with one of the names above he’s just going to be settling.

Liam, was my number one choice early on, but I’ve decided this is way to popular.
Haden, was actually a name Tim came up with, and we both liked, but it’s kind of fizzeled.
Emerson, was the same situation as Haden
Julian (Tim and his family do not like.)
Max or Maxwell

After reading a few of your blogs I really like the names Henry and Corbin. Tim seems to be thinking about both of these, as it takes him a bit to decide whether he really likes a name.

I would be so grateful if you could help us pick out a wonderful name for our second son! I don’t want this to be just a name we settle on when we both love our first son’s name so much.

Some names similar to Branch:
Branson
Bridger
Chance
Cranson
Lance
Rence
Ranger
Ridge
Vance
Vince

Similar to Edmond:
Desmond
Edgar
Edison
Redford
Redmond

Similar to Gordon:
Corbin
Cord
Ford
Heaton
Holden
Hudson
Jordan
Lorden
Oren
Porter
Riordan
Soren
Walter
Warren

And a few more:
Clark
Franklin
Frederick
Hugo
Karl
Lawrence
Louis
Lyle
Wade
Winston

With Grey, I particularly like Wade, Louis, Redford, Clark, and Vance.

P. writes:

One of my husband’s favorite names for a girl is Natalie. I think it’s a lovely name, but I get stuck on the meaning: it means “born at Christmas,” which our child most decidedly will not be. SSA indicates that Natalie ranked at #16 for girls in 2009, so clearly many families are using it for babies born nowhere near Christmastime. But I feel like eventually the child will want to look up the meaning of her name, and finding out that her name means “born at Christmas” when she was, in fact, born in March might be a little confusing/disappointing. Do you think “Christmas baby” when you hear the name Natalie?

I think of it only in one direction: that is, if I am trying to think of names for a Christmas baby, I immediately think of Natalie—but if I hear the name Natalie, I don’t think “Christmas baby.”

Also, I’m not sure WHY it means “born at Christmas”: I recognized “natal” as being connected to childbirth, but adding an “ie” at the end wouldn’t give it a Christmas connection. I found online that the name Natalie comes from “Natale Domini” and “Dies Natalis,” both of which mean Christmas Day—but that’s because they both translate as “the day of God’s birth.” Dies and Domini are the God part; Natale and Natalis are the birth day part. So the INTENTION of the name Natalie was to have a name in honor of Christmas—but the roundabout method for doing so means that the part they ended up actually using was “birthday.”

This is one of many reasons I find name meanings (or often “meanings”) unimportant. I definitely think you can go ahead and use Natalie for a baby born in March, just as you could use Melissa for a baby who wasn’t a bumblebee, or Lily for a baby who wasn’t a flower, or Roman for a U.S. citizen, or Rufus for a baby with brown hair, or Isis for a mere mortal.

Katie writes:

Okay, it’s officially Down to the Wire Time over here (T minus 10 days!), and I’m hoping you can help reassure me on a question that is dogging me a little. I wrote to you about this a few months ago, and since then there has been some progress. Here’s what I wrote then:

“We have long thought that if we had a girl child, we would give her a middle name to honor my husband’s aunt Jean, to whom he was very close and who died when he was a teenager. I love this idea- I like honoring the dear relative, and I expect it will mean a lot to my mother in law and to my husband’s grandmother to have their family honored in this way. The issue is this: I recently learned that aunt Jean’s full name was Regina. I’ve known my husband for 10 years and have always known her as Jean- it’s what she always went by – but now I’m wondering if it dilutes the honor of a namesake somehow to use the nickname instead of the full name. Regina isn’t our style, and to me feels strongly associated with a religion to which we happen to not adhere, so it would seem a little strange to select it. Plus, we like one-syllable middle names. So, thoughts? Is it okay to just use “Jean” as the middle name, or if we want to say that we named the child after her great aunt do we have to go with Regina?”

Since I wrote that, we’ve committed to using Jean as the middle name- and I really like it- but I want to make sure that we’re not inadvertently committing some sort of gaffe here. It would be sad indeed if, instead of feeling honored, the family felt annoyed by our use of the diminutive.

Are we safe?

Oh, what a very interesting question! I generally find myself trying to talk people out of modified namesakes, reasoning that Grandma Ethel is not going to feel honored by a baby named Addison “after her,” nor should she be put in the position of having to act as if she is as deeply touched as if the child were ACTUALLY named after her. I think sometimes such stretches happen inadvertently through a long line of “this from this, from this, from this…” where, for example, the parents say “We love Grandma Ethel, but um, we don’t want to use her name. Is there something CLOSE to that we could use?” So first they look at her middle name, which is Hester, and then at her maiden name, which was Douglas, and oh DEAR we’re not getting any closer to finding something. And so then one day while talking desperately over the issue again, they find out that the name Ethel means “noble,” and the name Addie also means noble, and so how about ADDISON! Perfect! Because they got there by such small increments and over the course of so many discussions and with such good intentions, they might FEEL as if they’ve basically named the baby Ethel. And yet I am always cautioning that Grandma Ethel might not feel the same, and advising parents to consider if THEY would feel honored if THEIR names were so changed for a namesake.

BUT: this is not at all your situation. You’re not taking a Regina and trying to name your baby Riley (same initial) or Juno (same meaning) or Juniper (after Aunt Regina AND Grandma Pearl! Two for the price of one!) or Jean (a name you prefer but she was never called Jean): you’re taking the name the namesake was ACTUALLY KNOWN BY and using THAT—because it evokes that person, while her birth certificate name would not. You didn’t even know her name was Regina when you first discussed using the name Jean. I would definitely say you could use the name Jean and say your daughter was named after her great-aunt.

As to whether the family will give this the same stamp of approval, it’s hard to say. I SUSPECT they would, and for the same reasons I give: they know her as Jean, so the name Jean is the name tied to their happy memories of her. And if anyone shows signs of bristling, you could give that explanation in affectionate tones (ideally with brimming eyes of love): that you know her name was Regina, but that since you knew her through your husband as Jean, THAT’S the name that reminds you of her.

Autumn writes:

We are expecting our first baby (a girl) at the end of March. Our last name is very common and pretty much goes with anything (rhymes with phones). My husband and I narrowed our list down to Emma, Kate, and Anna. We decided to knock Emma out because of the popularity factor. I realize all three names are common, but we felt that Emma was even more so. I recently read an article (on the nameberry website) about the names Katherine and Kate. Basically the article said that once you added up all the Katherines, Kates, Katies, Kaitlyns etc. (and the fact that it is a nickname for many of these as well as a name by itself) that Kate was a top 10 name. I was baffled! I totally thought Emma was much more used, but the article actually said “this is the reason you feel like every other little girl you meet is a Kate.” So, now we are stumped. Should we throw Emma back in the mix because of this or do we definitely go with Anna now? We really like all three names. But there are other names that we liked and decided against because of popularity and the fact that they might be more trendier versus classics (Charlotte and Lila for example). Can you give us some insight? Also, if it helps – we do plan to have more children and the boy names we like for possible future children are Henry, Grey, and Jack. Thanks for your help!

I’d say that if you really like all three names, and your only real issue is popularity, then you should use Anna: it’s #29 and falling. But as you say, all three are popular, and with a common surname, you may be motivated to find a first name that’s even less common.

I wonder if you’d like Emeline? I don’t know why this name isn’t more common. It’s not even in the Top 1000. I added up the four spellings that seemed most likely to me (Emeline, Emmeline, Emmaline, Emaline), and all together they bring the name to #725.

Or Annabel! This name’s ranking is deceptive: it’s at #722, but the spelling Annabelle is #156.

Or Anneliese is pretty. Hard to figure out the rank: that spelling isn’t in the Top 1000, but Annalise is at #648. I prefer the -el- myself (and TWO Ns for SURE), to avoid any unfortunate associations.

Or Annika. That spelling is at #416; combined with the spelling Anika at #533, the two spellings together would have a ranking of about #250.

Or I love Anastasia, and you could still call her Anna.

Or Anya: so close to Anna, but #363.

Or a blend, perhaps? You could name her Anna Kate Phones and call her Anna Kate, or Emma Kate Phones and call her Emma Kate. This also gives her a likely out from being “Anna P.” or “Emma P.” if there’s another Anna or Emma in her class. (I say “likely” because of the year my mother had a class where there were two Sarahs who ALSO had the same middle name—but probably that qualifier isn’t often necessary.)

A. writes:

I’m so glad I stumbled on this site and am sure hoping you can give us some ideas here! We’re expecting our first child, a boy, at the end of March. We’re having a hard time picking something that suits our varies preferences, including: not overly common; not too “whitebread” (forgive the expression); perhaps offers a bit of international or back-in-style hipness, without being too unusual or ethnic in a way that just doesn’t match who we are (or perceive ourselves to be). I’ve got an old country Jewish half, and a German half, and my husband has a Scandanavian background with some English and German in the mix too I think. We consider ourselves urban types who value the modern yet natural in our lives. Also, a bonus would be a name that offers baby/toddler nickname-ability… like Owie is to Owen. If we had ended up with a girl, we were already both very happy with the name Nadia or Nadya.

So, for instance, names we’ve liked but can’t use (because someone else close to us has used them): Julian and Luca (I know, we’re not Italian, but I was willing to overlook that for Luca). I was curious about Judah but that was was too biblical for my husband’s taste. We each like well enough Ethan but find it way too overused now. As my only back up, I like Noah, which feels like a decent fit though my husband thinks Noah is too biblical. But, I feel guilty about the idea of giving him a top ten name (I hated how unusual my name was as a child but am so grateful as an adult that it’s so uncommon) – I think it’s currently #6 at the SSA! That alone makes me hesitant to fight for the only name I feel I could live with so far. We’ve considered Sebastian, but it feels a little too blue blood or something. I’ve thought about Jude, but we’re not jumping up and down about it (and it spells “Jew” in German, which could be a bit weird for one half of my family). We recently started thinking about Noel, but since it means Christmas, and it’s likely to get wrongly two-syllabled all his life (AND, we’re not Irish), we haven’t been able to settle with it either.

Can you offer us any feedback or suggestions?? I feel so horrible not having picked a name yet- I feel like he deserves to have an identity already. I know we have time, but after going through surely thousands of names each, I’m just feeling defeated.

Many, many thanks!