A. writes:

I’m getting down to the wire here on my due date, so I hope you can help because I love your site. My husband and I are expecting our second child on November 11. It will be a girl, and we also have another daughter, age 2 1/2. Our last name is Anderson and our 2 1/2 year old’s first name is Lyra. With my first daughter we had a much easier time choosing her name. We thought Lyra sounded pretty and liked its connections to several of our interests: literature (Lyra Belacqua in The Golden Compass trilogy), music (the name comes from the Greek for harp) and astronomy (there is a constellation named Lyra).

With so much going into our first daughter’s name, it has become very difficult to find a name for our second child that has as much significance. Also, this time around, I did not want a name that ended in “a” (Lyra has 4 cousins whose names all end in “a”) and I wanted to honor our family members in some way (Lyra’s middle name is a family name).

So…at this point, just a few weeks before my delivery, we have narrowed our choices down to 2 names: Grace or Celia. Obviously Celia ends in “a” but it is a family name and works well with Lyra, I think. If we go with Celia, we are planning on the full name to be Celia Rose – Rose being another family name from my husband’s side. My grandfather also went by the initials C.R. so there would be a family connection both ways.

However, I think we are leaning slightly towards Grace. Though it is not a family name it has some significance to me (for personal reasons I’d rather not share). The problem is that we are stuck on a middle name. Grace, with its one syllable, is easy to use as a middle name but harder to use as a first name as finding something to pair with it that sounds good is difficult. Here are our choices so far:

Grace Celia
Grace Aubrey (Aubrey has another literary connection; however initials would be GAA which aren’t the best)
Grace Elizabeth (sounds pretty but that’s also my middle name and I’m not crazy about using it for my child)
Grace Caldwell (another family name, which we like; however one of our nieces already has this middle name. We asked her parents if they minded if we used it and they said no, but I still think it feels weird to use it again).

That’s where we are. I’d love your (and your commenters’) thoughts on which you prefer – Celia or Grace – as well as the best middle name to go with Grace.

Thanks!

I think both Celia and Grace go well with Lyra in their own ways. I like how Lyra and Grace are both noun names, and I like the way they sound together. I like Celia for its more comparable popularity: Grace has been in the top 25 for the last thirteen years, while in 2012 Celia was #742 and Lyra wasn’t in the Top 1000 at all. Grace feels like a very common name to pair with Lyra, and I think it could run together with your surname: Grey Sanderson.

It would shake up the plans considerably, but one option would be to use Celia Grace. This takes away the C.R. connection and the family name Rose, but on the other hand lets you use both the family name Celia and the name that has personal significance to you, while eliminating both the issue of popularity disparity and the issue of finding a middle name to go with Grace. If you’d rather not explain the personal significance of the name Grace to anyone (i.e., as opposed to just preferring not to broadcast it on the internet), the middle name feels like an even better place for it: tucked away like a happy secret meaning.

Another possibility is the name Ciel (see-ELLE). It’s French for sky, which makes it subtly themey with Lyra. Celeste and Stella both have that kind of connection, too, and are more familiar. Or Cecily is similar to Celia without ending in -a. But all of those lose the family name.

Of the middle names on the list for Grace, my favorite would be Elizabeth—except that you’d rather not use it. My second favorite is Caldwell—but again, it sounds like you’d rather not use it. In which case my next favorite is Grace Aubrey. I generally don’t like initials to spell things, but I’m not bothered by GAA. My least favorite is Grace Celia because of the way the sounds combine/repeat, but if you’re not going to be saying the two names together I don’t think that matters much, especially since Celia is a family name.

I’d love it if any commenters who know of a child named Grace would mention what middle name was used with it. My own rhythm preference with Grace would be a name with the emphasis on the second syllable: Grace Noelle, Grace Louise, Grace Louisa, Grace Estelle, Grace Minerva, Grace Matilda, Grace Virginia, Grace Victoria, Grace Cordelia, Grace Geneva, Grace Marilla, Grace Camilla, Grace Magnolia. I’d be especially drawn to the less common middle names.

Would any other virtue/feeling/noun name work as well as Grace? Clarity, Mercy, Constance, Honor, Charity, Faith, Patience, Joy, Temperance, Felicity, Haven?

Let’s also have a poll for the Celia or Grace issue:

[yop_poll id=”34″]

Erika writes:

My husband and I are expecting our second baby very soon (3 weeks) and we don’t know the gender so we’ve been having a difficult time picking out two names.

Our 2 year old daughter is Lucia Mae, sometimes called Lulu. Our surname is short and sweet – Coyne – pronounced “coin.”

My father passed away a few months ago and I would really like to honor him my naming the baby after him. His name was Michael, a classic name, but perhaps too simple or popular for our taste. My husband really likes the name Anderson, so I suggested Michael Anderson Coyne, in which case we would call him Mac as a nickname (from his initials). In many ways it’s perfect because Max was a front runner  for baby#1, so it’s clearly our style.

My question is: is it weird to name our baby something that we never intend to call him? I would plan to introduce him as Mac not Michael.

Would we be better off picking another name and using Michael as a middle name? Other choice is Samson Michael (nn Sam).

As far as girl’s names go, our top choices to go with big sis Lucia Mae are:

Macie Jane (my dad’s initials are MJ, like it for sentimental reason, but worry that Macie sounds like a nickname)

Ruby Jane

Cecelia/Celia Jane (love, but wonder if Cecelia and Lucia are too similar)

Hope to hear from you!!

Sometimes I think it’s a little weird to give a person a name that will never be used, and other times I don’t. My own favorite place for an honor name you don’t want to use is the middle name position: it’s definitely an honor-name place, but it doesn’t come into everyday life, and it doesn’t make a daily issue out of not liking the name enough to call the child by it. It also avoids the confusion and hassle and corrections, as well as avoiding any feeling that future children also need to be given honor first names. So a name like Samson Michael would generally be my own first choice.

However, I think the idea you came up with is a good one—good enough that I think I prefer it to Samson Michael in this case. Mac sounds quite a bit like Michael, so it doesn’t seem as confusing as, say, if you named him Michael but wanted him called Gus or Xavier. And I do have a soft spot for initial names. Furthermore, in this case every correction/explanation is an opportunity to tell the naming story, which is a sentimental one: “Oh—no, his first name is Michael after my dad, but we all him Mac.” Everyone is familiar with the concept of using a different name to tell namesakes apart. Mac Coyne runs together a bit, but I think you’d get used to a little half-pause between them.

Plus, the important thing is do YOU think it’s weird to name him something you don’t call him? If you’re worried about what other people think, the good news is that none of them truly deep-down care. That is, if you took a national survey you might find tons of people who think it’s weird to name him something you don’t call him—but they will think it only for a moment, and after that it will leave their minds because it doesn’t really matter to them what someone else names a baby. And this will be balanced anyway by all the people who don’t think it’s at all weird to name him something you don’t call him, since people do that all the time.

A third possibility would be to name him Anderson Michael Coyne. Anderson seems like a great fit with the other names on your list.

If you pronounce it loo-SEE-ah, then Lucia, Macie, Cecelia, and Celia all have very similar sounds. I’m not sure if they’d be too similar to put together or not. Celia is definitely too similar to me: it seems like it just rearranges the sounds of Lucia, and the two names are almost anagrams. Cecelia’s extra syllable helps reduce this issue. Lucia and Macie don’t necessarily feel too close in sound, but Macie seems so much less formal than Lucia: it fits well with Lulu, but feels as if it ought to also have a coordinating long form. But I do think of it as a stand-alone name, not a nickname, and I can’t think of a long form for it—it’s just that it suddenly seems nicknamey next to Lucia.

Michaela is probably too common for your tastes, but would be a nice honor name for your dad. It might make a nice middle name if you don’t like it as a first name. Ruby Michaela is pretty. Do you mind the repeating -oo- sound with Lucia/Lulu and Ruby?

There’s a Marguerite in one of my children’s classrooms this year, and I’ve been surprised how well it works: I would have thought it would make me think of margaritas, and it did, but only slightly, and not for long. I like it with Lucia.

Or maybe Margo would work better.

Or I love Maribel. Lucia Mae and Maribel Jane; Lulu and Bella.

Or I like Mariella almost as much. Lucia Mae and Mariella Jane.

Lucia and Matilda; Lulu and Tilly.

Lucia and Mattea; Lulu and Mattie.

Amy writes:

I have a strange request and I’m not sure if you’ll be able to help me with this. I have a friend who is expecting, and she needs help with names. And I actually think that I’ve seen JUST the post on your site…except that I can’t find it. I’ve looked everywhere. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m imagining it or if the names I’m thinking of were perhaps in a comment thread, in which case I have no hope at all in finding it. Let me tell you what I do know.

The names were part of a large (4 or 5 children) sibling group. All of the names were very very unusual. Although I can’t remember them exactly a good example would be something like:

Meadowlark Allytria
Calendula Frost
Ellamina Fortula

etc. They were very feminine sounding and were quite nature-oriented. I also remember that I came across the question/comment (more and more I’m thinking it was a comment, now) whilst reading the archives, so it was probably pre 2011.

I was hoping that perhaps with SUCH odd names something would have stuck in your mind. Or maybe in a reader’s mind? You could certainly post this question if you think it would help.

Good idea to post the question! Does this sound familiar to anyone?

A. writes:

My husband and I are getting ready to have our second, and final child, due late November. We have one little girl named Charlotte who we call Lottie. We are expecting a second girl and are having a hard time finding a name we love.

We have a couple names we like, but have some reservations. We live in the US and have a short, one syllable last name that rhymes with Best.

First name we like is Eve (nickname Evie). Does it sound flat/off to have a 1 syllable first name with a one syllable last name?

Second name we like is Elizabeth (nickname Libby). I’m worried about the nicknames Lottie and Libby sounding too cutesy and matchy. I understand when they grow up they may want to be Charlotte and Elizabeth, just worried about them not feeling like they have their own name when they are younger. Is this even relevant??

Other names we have considered are Emily, Elise, Claire and Audrey. We tend to like more classic names. Any help?

I wonder if you’d like the name Genevieve? That would give you a first name longer than one syllable, but still give you the nicknames Eve and Evie.

But one-syllable first names sometimes work great with one-syllable surnames: it depends completely on the names in question. The examples we often use around here are Brad Pitt and Sean Penn: both sound great. If you love Eve, and if it doesn’t sound clearly flat/off to you with your surname, my guess is that it works just fine or better than fine.

Lottie and Libby are definitely cute together, but nowhere near close enough that I can imagine someone feeling as if she didn’t have her own name. They have the same starting letter and ending sound, but the inner vowel and consonant sounds are completely different. And neither of them would be stuck with it: if it bothers either of them at any time, they can switch to a different nickname (Charlie, Ellie, etc.) or to their full names.

If you like Elise and Elizabeth, I wonder if you’d like Eliza?

Or Eloise?

I love Evelyn with Charlotte. Lottie and Evvie, or Lottie and Lynnie.

Or Eleanor. Charlotte and Eleanor; Lottie and Nora, or Lottie and Ellie.

Clarissa lengthens Claire. Charlotte and Clarissa; Lottie and Clare.

Instead of Emily, maybe Emeline? Charlotte and Emeline; Lottie and Emmie.

Charlotte and Annabel; Lottie and Annie.

Charlotte and Josephine; Lottie and Josie. That’s my favorite.

Update (and photo!) on Baby Naming Issue: Charles Preston!
Update on Non-Baby Naming Issue: Her Parents Wanted Her Called by Her Middle Name But She’d Like to Switch to Her First Name!
Update (and photo!) on Baby Name to Consider: Vineyard!

L. writes:

I’m expecting twin boys in 3 weeks time and we just can’t come up with a name for the 2nd baby…
My husband and I have always liked the name Zack (although not 100% whether to spell it Zac, Zack or Zach?) – full name Zachary but we will call him Zack.

So we’d like another boys’ name that ‘goes with’ Zack but not too matchy or rhymey – just something a little different from the common names but not too off the wall!

Our surname is Smy so we’d love a longer first name (hence Zachary Smy) but that could possibly be shortened in the same way.

Neither of us have middle names and we are finding first names so difficult we probably won’t give them middle names, but if you had any ideas for this too, I’d love to hear them!

Many thanks!!

I started by seeing if I could guess which spelling of the nickname Zac/Zack/Zach was most common: we don’t have data on nicknames, but sometimes we can get a feel for it by looking at what people do when they give those nicknames as given names. Here’s the 2012 data from the Social Security Administration:

Zac – 73
Zach – 63
Zack – 167

But that doesn’t necessarily tell us anything at all about how people would nickname the name Zachary, because maybe people would think Zack looked more like a stand-alone name (similar to Jack) but would prefer Zach if the full name were Zachary. Well! Perhaps you could see what you prefer over time, rather than choosing in advance—but would it be helpful to have a poll to see what people in general seem to prefer?

[yop_poll id=”32″]

Before leafing through any baby name books, I spent some time mulling, like this: “Zachary and ____? Zach and ___?”—to see if anything would spring to my mind. The first name that sprang was Benjamin. Benjamin Smy; Zachary and Benjamin; Zach and Ben.

Then I got Zachary and Elliot, but Elliot lacks a coordinating nickname.

Then I noticed that Zachary starts with a Z, and I DO love a little bit of twinniness to twin names, I just DO, and so what I wondered next is if we could find an A name that would work well, which is when I gave up on the mulling and took out the name books. The only A-name/nickname I really liked with Zachary/Zach was Alexander/Alex, but I like it a lot. Alexander Smy; Alexander and Zachary; Alex and Zack.

(I think Zack must be my own choice for nickname spelling:  I couldn’t choose which I liked best when I was writing that section above, but I notice I keep selecting it whenever I have an option.)

Then I turned to names from the category of “longer boy names with short nicknames” (which also includes the already-discussed Alexander and Benjamin):

Christopher Smy; Zachary and Christopher; Zach and Chris
Gabriel Smy; Zachary and Gabriel; Zack and Gabe
Jonathan Smy; Zachary and Jonathan; Zack and Jon
Nathaniel Smy; Zachary and Nathaniel; Zack and Nate
Nicholas Smy; Zachary and Nicholas; Zack and Nick
Theodore Smy; Zachary and Theodore; Zack and Theo, or Zack and Ted

I love how Zach and Chris both have the -ch- at opposite ends of the nickname, but do the S-sounds of Chris Smy work okay?

My favorite is probably Nicholas and Zachary: I like how they both have snappy sounds and equal syllables, with the matching -ch- in the middle that can turn into a matching -ck for the nicknames. And yet both the beginning and ending sounds of the full names are very different, giving them the extra coordination I like for twin names without falling into the Jayden-and-Hayden category.

But if they’ll go by their nicknames almost exclusively, and if Nick and Zack are too close for your tastes, I like a lot of the other options: Zack and Theo, Zack and Nate, Zack and Gabe.

For middle names, it would be fine to skip them if they’re not fun. It helps that neither you nor your husband have them, making it seem like a family thing. On the other hand, middle names can be so fun and low-pressure after the stress of the first names, especially when you know you can always fall back on the idea of skipping them if they don’t end up being low-pressure after all.

One idea would be to give the twins the same middle name, perhaps their dad’s name or your maiden name.

Another idea would be to give each twin the name of one grandfather, so both of your dads are honored at once. Same idea would apply if each of you has one brother or one uncle to honor. It would be fun to cover both sides of the family at once.

Another idea would be to do an initials swap: if you chose Zachary and Nicholas, for example, you’d give Zachary a middle name starting with N, and Nicholas a middle name starting with Z. (I like this idea less when one initial has so few options, like Z.)

Another idea would be to give them both the same middle initial.

Or perhaps it would work for the middle names to be variations of the parents’ first names. For example, if your names were Michael and Stephanie, the middle names could be Micah and Stephen.

The middle name is also a great place for a name you liked that didn’t work as a first name. For example, you mention wanting a longer name to balance the surname, but did this mean you had to cross off some excellent one- or two-syllable first name options? Those might be fun to salvage as middle names. Or maybe you didn’t like alliteration but wouldn’t mind it in a middle name.

Or it’s a great place for a name that was a little too common for your tastes, or a little too bold.

Or it’s a great place to refer to something of importance to you: a family surname, a special town/street/place, a college or dorm, a favorite writer or painter or musician or activist or historical figure. Perhaps one or both of you would like to make reference to your family’s country of origin.

This would cost a bit in court fees and hassle, but another fun option would be to leave it for later. Maybe even let the twins help decide, when they’re older. Or make it an interesting thing to mull in the delivery room, since you’re okay with the possible “Well, nothing seems right so we’ll skip them after all” option.

Jen writes:

We are struggling with naming our soon to arrive baby girl.

This will be our 3rd & final baby. We have a daughter Addison & a son Hudson.
We can’t agree on any names ending with “son” and are open to any suggestions.
Our last name is Palmer so any names beginning with P are out.

With a matching ending, my first goal would be to find something with a very different beginning. Since Addi- and Hud- both feature a strong D sound, I would look for something without a D.

Probably I will not be suggesting anything you haven’t already ruled out, but sometimes names feel different when other people discuss them. My first choice for you would be Emerson, if it weren’t for Emerson, Lake & Palmer. I’m not even familiar with the band (I had to look them up online to make sure they were a real thing), and yet their name sprang to my mind as soon as I paired Emerson with the surname Palmer. I’m not sure how much of an issue this is: I don’t know what percentage of other people would think of the band—and if people DO make the association, does it matter? is it negative? Either way, with a different surname, Emerson would be my first choice: Addison, Hudson, and Emerson. I like how compatible Addison and Emerson are, both in popularity and in how often they’re used for girls versus boys.

But because of the surname, I’d be inclined more toward Ellison. I like that she’d have a doubled letter like her sister’s, and Addie/Addy/Addi and Ellie/Elly/Elli are great nicknames. And as with the name Addison, the name Ellison is currently used in the U.S. much more often for girls. Ellison Palmer; Addison, Hudson, and Ellison.

If you want the sound but don’t care about the spelling, I’d suggest Gracen/Gracyn. Grayson/Greyson look masculine to me, but Gracen reminds me of Grace and so it seems feminine. Gracen Palmer; Addison, Hudson, and Gracen. But in this sibling group, it hits my ear as Grayson, a brother.

Macen/Mayson/Maeson is similar for me: I can see it as a girl name when it’s spelled in a feminine way, but when I hear it in the sibling group it sounds like a brother. And while Addison is currently used predominately for girls in the United States, Grayson and Mason are currently far more popular for boys.

Or again, same thing with Jenson (which is probably too much like your name anyway): that spelling is only used for boys in the U.S. right now. Even spelling it Jensen or Jennsyn, I worry that with the other two names (one used sometimes for boys but very popular for girls, one used occasionally for girls but very popular for boys), it doesn’t work to use a name for a girl that’s used much more often for boys.

Ellison is my first choice, followed by Emerson. None of the other options feel like good contenders to me. Can anyone come up with more options?

I also think it would be fine to choose a name that didn’t end in -son. It can feel as if it’s very excluding to have one child’s name stand out from the others, but I think it’s okay when it’s only two sharing something in common (if you were expecting a fourth child after an Addison, Hudson, and Ellison, I’d be much, much more inclined to stick to the -son names). And you can significantly lessen the effect by finding a name that ties the names together in different ways: the strong D sound, an S sound, an A initial and three syllables like her sister’s, another surname name, an -n ending. I would consider names I might otherwise find a little too similar, in order to get that tie-in.

Even just explaining “We didn’t match the first two names on purpose—we just chose our favorite name each time” can go a long way to demonstrate a lack of intention to exclude. Or, “We tried to find a name that would match your siblings’ names, but we just didn’t like any of those names very much—so instead we chose you a name we loved.”