Amy writes:

I’ve thought I had our baby name situation locked down, twice, and now it’s falling apart… again. I wrote to you a few months ago about our 3rd and probably last baby, and you and your readers helped my husband and I pick a lovely girl name we’re both very happy with from your comments. Shortly after, my husband decided Orion was completely off the table so then we had to start looking for boy names. My husband has a very Scottish middle name, his grandmother’s maiden name, but a name we would never use (Craigie). So we started looking for other Scottish or Gaelic names and found Sullivan nn Sully. I liked it, he agreed, and I thought we were set. But it kept nagging at me. I really do like the name Sully but I don’t love it, it doesn’t have a strong connection for us and I don’t think it flows particularly well with Atticus and Elm. I told my husband I want to open up the discussion of boy names again and he agreed he doesn’t want to use a name I feel so lukewarm about.

So! Now here we are with still plenty of time (the baby is due the first week of February) but no boy name. It doesn’t have to be Scottish by any stretch, the only rules are still that it can’t start with W and you have to be able to pronounce it on sight. Other names we have liked besides Orion and Sullivan but that have been nixed along the way for various reasons are August, Callum, Felix, Finnian, and Phoenix.

Any help you and your readers could give to finally stop this madness would be much appreciated!

Name update! Amy writes:

I wrote to you several times this pregnancy (Baby W, sibling to Atticus & Elm) and you & your readers were so helpful. My husband and I read through your reply & all the comments multiple times. We quickly & easily agreed on Ivy Beck W. as our girl name after several people suggested it in the first post. The boy name was trickier & at different points we had settled on Sullivan nn Sully then Hawthorn nn Hawk when two days before the birth we both decided it just didn’t feel right and went back to our original choice, Orion. I think secretly we were both expecting a girl and thought maybe that’s why we’d had so much uncertainty about a boy name. But surprise! It IS a boy and we’re thrilled. Orion Cash W., 2/10/14, 9 lbs 5 oz! (middle name honors my husband’s best friend). He and his name are both perfect- thank you again for all your help!

Katie writes:

My husband and I are Katie and Kevin and our last name sounds like Wrightmen. We are due with our second boy this March.

We love our son’s name and it fits him perfectly. Bennett Patrick (after my mom, Patricia, who passed away). Bennett we both came to love due to us each having a student with the name. (We are both teachers which can make naming a child hard!) we feel like it is classic and classy and fits well for a baby as well as a grown man.

Of course, we had our perfect girls’ name all set- Annabelle Joy. After the Ann in my/my mom’s middle name. And we loved Bennett and Belle or Bella. Or even Elle or Ella, or Annabelle or Anna.

The boys name we are deciding between are these options:

William Joseph (after both of our fathers)
Joseph William (“Joey” when a baby Joe or Joseph as he grows up)
Charles William (Charles is my dad’s middle name, and was a contender last time but we couldn’t agree on a nickname. I wanted Charles or Chase, my husband wanted Charlie.

Our number one is William Joseph. I like William Charles better, but it seems like a slight to choose not choose my dad’s first name, especially if it’s only the middle name spot and if we are choosing my father in law’s first name as our son’s first name as well. The reason we don’t mind this is because my father in law only goes by Bill, and I don’t think of him as a William. I have always loved the name because Prince William and I were born on the same day. My husband shot it down the first round, but is open this time.

So, the problems are here:

My husband does not want William to have any nickname, not Will or Liam or anything. He only wants William. He does not want his dad’s family to refer to our baby as “little willy” as they called his dad when he was younger. He especially does not want him to be “little bill”. He does not think his dad deserves that honor, but likes the name William.

We both used to not be close with our fathers due to poor choices they made during their marriages. In time and forgiveness, we have grown very close with each of our fathers and they have grown to be wonderful, involved grandpas who love their grandsons and support us. When I brought up the idea of the name, I said even though they didn’t make good choices years ago, we are teaching our sons forgiveness, the importance of valuing family and honoring the people they are now. And it’s easy to say “you are named after both of your grandfathers” which is cool. I love the names and I think it’s perfect.

So- is there a nice way to say, “we are calling him William, no nicknames please?”

The other thing- my husbands mom and sister still has a hard time with resentment towards his dad, even to the point where they resent how close we are now. We know they may be turned off by the name or think it’s weird we chose to name our son after our fathers. Should I even care about that? Suggestions on how to tell them (it will be after the baby is born) Or do we just say the name and they can get over it?

I feel like William and Joseph are both common enough names that it wouldn’t be a big deal? It’s not like this is the only William they will ever encounter.

Aside from the nickname, and my husband worrying about his family’s opinion, we love the names (individually and their meaning). Although at times he thinks his dad doesn’t “deserve” to have a son named after him.

I feel like Bennett and William couldn’t be cuter together, and we have found ourselves hooked on the double letters and feel like that might be our childrens’ “name connection”. We hope to have Bennett, William (?) and Annabelle one day.

Other choices included:

Reed (which I liked because our last name starts with R as well, but didn’t know if it would be strong or weird, my husband thought he may be called “weed whiteman” instead of reed Wrightmen)

Matthew- love! I just have a cousin named Matthew, will likely use for 3rd boy

Noah (the only non-double letter name we both loved, was just used by a cousin for her boy)

Lillianna or Reese for a girl

So
1. Suggestions on spreading the no nickname rule
2. Suggestions on sharing the name with people who may not be happy about it
3. Is William Joseph the right name?

Thanks, swistle! I look forward to hearing your views and the comments from your wise readers! You always have smart, clear kind advice. Thank you in advance!

It sounds to me from your letter as if the name William has too much baggage and too many issues to be a good first-name candidate. I think you might be able to avoid nicknames (though he may very well choose one himself later on)—especially Billy and Bill and Willy, which are hardly used at all by this generation of babies. But it depends almost completely on your particular families and the extent to which they go with what you ask them to do, and there’s no nice way to say, “We named him William, but please don’t use nicknames because it might accidentally honor his grandfather who doesn’t deserve that honor.”

People will very likely assume it’s an honor name, and quite a high honor at that, and so family members who would have a problem with that are likely to have a problem with that. You could go to those family members and say, “It’s just because we liked the name—it’s not after Dad,” but I’m imagining how I’d feel if a baby I loved was given the name of my ex-husband who had behaved very badly and left some very bad memories, and it’s not going over well in my imagination. It’s possible it would redeem the name, but that might be a hard road.

If you were crazy about the name William, if your own father and beloved brother were also named William, if it was the only name you both loved and agreed on—in those sorts of situations, you would hear me saying it probably wouldn’t be too bad. The relatives could probably be soothed. Your father-in-law couldn’t be told the name didn’t honor him (especially since it does, and you’d be actively telling your son it does), but perhaps everyone would understand the explanation about forgiveness/redemption. But it sounds to me that although you really like the name William, it’s just one of a number of good options, and your husband has only recently come around to it. It also sounds like you like the symbolism of using it, but your husband’s actual feelings don’t line up with that symbolism: the relationship may have significantly improved, but your husband is still saying his father doesn’t deserve the honor of a namesake. Overall, it looks to me as if the arguments for NOT using it far outweigh the reasons for using it.

If you would like to use both grandfather’s names, I think William is perfect as the middle name. It reduces the impact of the namesake (and doesn’t force your husband’s mother and sister to use it regularly), and eliminates nickname issues. If you are still not in agreement on a nickname for the name Charles, you could either each use your own nickname and see which one pans out as his own favorite (this works if you are both fine with all the possible outcomes of this), or you could use Joseph. I think it’s fine that it isn’t your dad’s first name, and I even like the balance of it: your dad’s MIDDLE name as the FIRST name, and your husband’s dad’s FIRST name as the MIDDLE name. (If you use your father-in-law’s first name as the first name, though, I agree it would be better to use your father’s first name as the middle name.)

If you do use William as the first name, or if you think your husband’s family will object to it even as a middle name, I would tell them very gently and understandingly (and ideally on their own, without your father-in-law present), and I would emphasize your non-father-in-law reasons for liking the name, including the Prince William connection. I would say to them what you said to us about your father-in-law seeming like “Bill”—totally unconnected to William. I’d tell them that your husband had very mixed feelings about honoring his dad, but that the two of you agreed it symbolized your son’s relationship with his grandfather more than your husband’s relationship with his dad.

It would be a little easier, I think, if your husband’s mother and sister had already been honored: as I’m writing all this out it feels a little wrong to be honoring/forgiving the former bad guy before honoring the ones who were good all along (if they indeed were), and increases my feelings that this name has too much baggage to be worth using.

A fun idea just occurred to me. What if you were to name your son George, making a two-generation connection between you and Prince William?

Name update! Katie writes:

I wrote you about whether or not to name our son after both grandfathers (sounds like Wrightmen).  We ultimately decided that William was out as a first name option due to the overwhelming response, and now we can see, he is very much not a William.  We decided to go with the name Matthew with William as the middle name (and can share the middle name with my husband) for the longest time.  Matthew is a name we both love and it would be a male M name to honor my mother in law, Martha.  At the last minute we decided to add my dad’s name as a second middle name, so we could honor all three living grandparents and not leave anyone out.  Thank you for your wonderful input and help making the right decision.

Matthew William Joseph
March 16, 2014

A. writes:

We are closing in our due date (Thanksgiving!) with our 3rd (and likely last) child, a boy, and are having a very hard time naming him. Our last name sounds like “Fort” but starts with an “Sh”. We already have two children, named Henry Ervin and Isabel Louise. Their middle names honor deceased relatives (because I am Jewish, we won’t honor living relatives through naming).

We generally prefer traditional names, but something like William or John/Jack feels too common. We have considered and rejected Charles/Charlie (I love it, but my husband does not), David (awkward familial association), and Daniel (for some reason, it doesn’t sound “strong” enough to either of us). For a brief time, we considered Jason but have fallen away from it as perhaps too much of our own generation and also perhaps not quite strong enough (in the same vein as Daniel). We would like to use either Daniel or Edward as a middle name, though, as they happen to follow our tradition of honoring deceased relatives with the middle name.

We seem to have happened into a short list of three favorites, none of which affirmatively feels just right at the moment. They are Malcolm, Brendan, and Patrick. Can you help with these (or make other suggestions)? Thank you very much!

I wonder if you’d like Nathaniel? Or perhaps it would have the same issues as Daniel. Henry, Isabel, and Nathaniel.

Because Paul and I had Henry, Charlie, Daniel, and Malcolm on our own name list, I’ll suggest a few more where perhaps our styles overlap:

Calvin
Edmund
Elliot (ends with T like surname)
Everett (ends with T like surname)
Felix (-x may blend uncomfortably with Sh-)
Frederick
Nicholas (-s may blend uncomfortably with Sh-)
Oliver
Simon (starts with S like surname)

Of these, my favorite is Oliver. Henry, Isabel, and Oliver. I also like Calvin and Everett and Elliot and Edmund. Simon would probably be my top choice except that I’m not personally as fond of alliteration; if you do like it, then Henry, Isabel, and Simon is at or near the top of my list.

I lean toward the ones without natural one-syllable nicknames: Ed __ort, Nick __ort, Fred __ort all sound a little abrupt to me. Calvin is an exception, I think because the softer L-ending is less choppy, and also because I know a Calvin who goes just by Calvin. But I think any of them are fine: it’s only a leaning, and so many kids don’t use nicknames now anyway.

I have a strong favorite among your three finalists (Malcolm, Brendan, Patrick): Malcolm. I like Malcolm Edward. Let’s have a poll to see what everyone else likes best:

[yop_poll id=”35″]

Name update! A. writes:

Thank you for posting our naming question for our third child and second son, brother to Henry and Isabel.  You and your readers offered much helpful insight.  Your favorite and the winning poll choice was Malcolm, which I love but about which my husband had some reservations.  My husband discovered the name Callum, which has the same Latin root as Malcolm (meaning = dove) and is occasionally used as a nickname therefor in Scotland.  Callum also shares properties with a name you suggested, Calvin (possible nn Cal), that we hadn’t considered before.  We fell for this name in a way we hadn’t about any other name we’d considered.  Callum Daniel was born 11/21/13, and we are all doing well.  Thank you so much! Happy Holidays!

Allison writes:

I love your blog and was reading it even before being pregnant. I am hoping you will be able to help with our baby naming dilemma.

We have baby boy # 2 arriving in 25 days. My husband and I cannot agree on a name and are starting to panic. My husband has now resorted to throwing out random names that we have never even considered just hoping something sticks.

My name is Allison and my husband’s name is Vincent. Our last name is Donner with a C. We already have a 5 year old son named Brayden. His middle name is a family name and is shared by his father and grandfather. Baby # 2 is a boy and will be our last child.

Before you read any further I will throw out the hardest part of our baby naming conundrum. My husband, myself, and our first son all have seven letters in our first names and I really want this baby to have a seven letter name also. Since we are not having any more children, I think we should be able to accomplish this.

My husband loves the name Patrick. We found out we were pregnant St. Patrick’s weekend and his family has Irish roots so he thinks the name is perfect. Patrick was also on the list when we had our first son. I feel like I rejected the name for our first child so why would I choose it for this child? Also, when we first got pregnant with this child I told several people I “hated” the name Patrick and now feel like I backed myself into a corner. To be honest, I do not “hate” the name Patrick but I do not like the obvious nicknames of Pat and Rick and would be very upset if people called my son by either of those nicknames. I also feel like my husband and his family are really pulling for Patrick and feel a bit pushed into the name.

The middle name won’t be as difficult. Since our first son’s middle name came from my husband’s side of the family this son’s middle name will come from my side of the family. We have several contenders we like and are waiting to choose a first name to see what fits.

Names we have on our list for this baby are:

Patrick (husband’s favorite)
Bennett (my favorite for a long time but husband doesn’t care for it and I am starting to fall out of love with it because I’m afraid people won’t think of it as a first name)
Griffin (husband doesn’t like)
Beckett (husband doesn’t like and I’m Just throwing this one in there so you can see my style)
Everett (husband doesn’t like)
Grayson (used to love but seems like it’s going to the girls)
Jackson (getting a bit too popular for me and we know people who have already used this name though we hardly ever see this family)
Garrett (my husband likes but I prefer Griffin; I don’t understand why he likes Garrett but not Griffin)
Henry (totally different than my style but one of my all time favorite names; this is a family name and is on the list of middle name contenders)

My husband likes fairly traditional names such as Andrew, Zachary, and Ian but these aren’t really my style. However, I could commit to a more traditional name if it had seven letters. It’s really hard for me to describe my baby naming style but I like names that are a little trendy without being strange. When we chose Brayden we did not know any Brayden’s but it was still a name that people recognized and wasn’t weird. The name has now gotten much more popular and my son’s had multiple Brayden’s in his pre-k class and now at kindergarten. I really felt like Bennett fit into my style but my husband has never heard the name used as a first name so he thinks it’s not really a name.

If this baby had been a girl our top contender was Emma Claire. Yes, I know it’s extremely popular but we loved the first/middle name combination and might have chosen it despite its popularity and despite the fact that it didn’t have seven letters.

I read your blog every day and we also purchased a copy of the baby name wizard and are still no closer to choosing a name.

If you have any names we should be considering that we have not thought of we would love yours and your readers suggestions.

Thank you!

It sounds to me as if the name Patrick is out. It also sounds to me as if this needs to be made completely clear to your husband, and then perhaps he could make it clear to his family (without blaming you): he could use a friendly, casual tone and say something like, “Oh—no, Patrick was a name we considered but it isn’t one of our finalists. We’re still looking for the right name.”

If your husband and his family like the St. Patrick’s Day / Irish connection, then I’d start by looking at other Irish names:

Finnian
Garrett (on your list already)
Griffin (on your list already)
Malcolm
Tiernan

Finnian is close to Griffin, but perhaps your husband will like it.

Because Brayden is a more modern name, I think I’d look for similar options: Andrew and Patrick don’t feel like good fits to me, but Grayson and Beckett do.

Bennett certainly seems like a first name to me (it was #202 in 2012, used for 1891 new baby boys that year), even though it’s a surname name. Because your surname is a common boys’ first name, I do think you’re likely to get less confusion if you choose a first name that doesn’t sound surnamey. On the other hand, a certain amount of confusion is likely to happen no matter what. In this case, my hope is that your husband’s only objection to it is that he’s never happened to meet a child with the name, and that looking at the numbers will cure him of that. It seems to me like Bennett fits all of your preferences and also is good with Brayden.

Chopping down the list to remove the names you don’t like and the names your husband doesn’t like, we’re left with:

Grayson
Jackson
Garrett

Garrett seems the least surnamey of those to me, but that would be so subjective: if I knew a family with the surname Garrett instead of a family with the surname Grayson and another with the surname Jackson, I might be choosing completely differently.

Grayson does not seem to me to be going to the girls, especially with that spelling. Here are the 2012 numbers for the spellings used for more than 25 babies that year:

Gracen: 73 F, 64 M
Graceyn: 26 F
Gracin: 34 M
Gracyn: 209 F
Graeson: 48 M
Graycen: 47 F, 28 M
Graysen: 45 F, 205 M
Grayson: 177 F, 4671 M
Greysen: 116 M
Greyson: 40 F, 2216 M

Adding those up, that’s 617 girls and 7382 boys. It’s a somewhat unisex name used much more often for boys.

A bigger issue for me is that Grayson and Brayden sound quite similar. Maybe not too similar to use, but similar enough to make me hesitate to throw support behind Grayson.

Because you like Beckett, Bennett, Garrett, and Everett, I wonder if you would like Elliott or Barrett or Merritt. I wish Emmett had 7 letters: it’s similar to your favorite girl name, plus it has the double-T.

Name update! Allison writes:

Thank you for choosing our baby naming dilemma for your site. We loved hearing your reader’s opinions. When our son was born we did not choose a name until day 3. We even went to your site and read the post, your comments, and your reader’s comments again. My husband finally came around to the name Bennett but after much discussion we agreed to name our son Patrick. Our families love the name and we are enjoying our handsome little guy.