Holly writes:

We desperately need help deciding on a name for our soon-to-be-arriving baby boy. We already have two daughters, Adeline Catherine (8) and Eleanor Jane (5), and a son Henry Theodore who was stillborn last August just two days before his due date.

Now that we’re expecting another baby boy, we’re really at a loss as to what to name him. We’ve only ever had two favorite boy names – Henry and Theodore – and nothing else we think of sounds quite right. The one thing we know for sure, is that the middle name will be August, as a reference to his brother (all of our children have middle names that relate to family). And as a note, Our last name sounds like “bungee” so all B names are out.

Our top two names now are Felix August and Frederick August, but neither seems perfect. Frederick seems too stodgy (nickname Fred or Freddie, but I don’t love either) and Felix seems too hipster (nickname Fox, but sounds like we’re trying too hard). I want a name somewhere in the middle, that also goes with our other children’s names. We liked Henry so much because it’s strong and kingly but also sounds fresh and youthful. Some other names we’ve considered but more-or-less ruled out are:

August – we considered this as a first name, but decided we really want it in the middle name spot

Everett – seems like a good middle ground and we both like it okay but neither of us is enamored. It’s also my dad’s middle name (named after his dad) and it would feel like we’re naming the baby after my dad and grandfather if we used it, and my dad hates the name

Benjamin – I like it quite a bit, but it’s a no-go with our last name.

Jasper

George

Emmett

Miles

Milo

Sawyer

Thomas

For reference, my name is Holly, my husband is Paul, and some of our other favorite girl names are Hazel, Violet, Beatrice, Margaret, and Clara.

Which sounds more like a matching sib set: Adeline, Eleanor, Henry, and Felix or Adeline, Eleanor, Henry, and Frederick?

Can you think of any other names we should be considering?

We’d really like to settle on a name before my induction next Saturday. Thanks for your help!

My first suggestion sets us back even further: I suggest reconsidering the middle name. “August, after my brother who was stillborn in August” seems like a very hard middle name to carry. It doesn’t even honor the person, but instead references the event. I would strongly urge you to choose another family name.

I think both Felix and Frederick go well with the sibling group, but it sounds as if you have serious hesitations about both. If you’re looking for a regal name like Henry, the royal family offers excellent inspiration. You have George on your list already (though Georgie Bungee feels a little too bouncy), but other good choices include: William, Charles, Edward, Edmund, James, Louis, Philip. I find all of those charming with the sibling group. Charles with the nickname Charlie seems particularly kingly while still being fresh and youthful. Charles (Charlie) Everett Bungee (CEB).

I also like Franklin.

The Baby Name Wizard suggests the nickname Fritz for Frederick; I wonder if that would take care of the nickname issue.

The name Felix seems so cool already, the nickname Fox feels like overkill. Would eliminating the nickname make you feel like the name was less hipster/trying?

Similar to Benjamin is Jonathan. Jonathan Everett Bungee (JEB). You could even use the initials JEB as a nickname.

Or Nathaniel also gives me much the same feeling as the name Benjamin.

Or Nicholas?

I love Everett, and we’ve discussed here before how people who claim to hate their names can end up feeling quite differently if it’s a matter of a namesake. Everett feels very similar to the name Henry: dignified gentleman, while also feeling fresh and cute. This is the name I would probably choose. One reason I keep using it as a stand-in for the family middle name (besides not having access to the rest of the family tree) is that it seems like it’s not ideal as the first name here (because neither of you are enthusiastic about it) but would make an excellent family middle name.

I wonder if you’d like Simon? Simon Everett makes a wonderful brother name with Henry Theodore.

Name update!

Hi Swistle,

I apologize this update is overdue – I just saw that you answered my question a year ago!

Felix August arrived on November 30, 2013, healthy and happy. I adore his name! :-) In contrast to concerns expressed by you and some of the commenters, I don’t think August is a sad middle name at all; I love that it’s a subtle remembrance of his brother, whom we celebrate in August. Our other children’s names also obliquely reference family members, so it’s a perfect fit for our family.

I’m attaching a picture of our sweet Felix.

Best,
Holly

Erin writes:

We are having a girl in February. My name is Erin, my husband’s name is Timothy (always Tim), and the baby’s last name will be Mark!evitz. We live in Los Angeles, so pretty much anything goes name-wise.

We were completely set on naming a girl Colette Revere (nn Cole). I was sure it was our daughter’s name. And then I had my husband talk out loud as if he would talk to the baby, and he was unable to say Colette- he just naturally called her Coley (which I hate) every single time. When I forced him to use Colette instead, it sounded weird. Something suddenly changed, and now I don’t like it when I say it out loud either, so it’s out.

We again started talking about a name we had previously liked for years, even before we got pregnant- Marleigh Revere. My husband loves Marleigh and Colette equally, and I used to love it too, but now I’m wracked with anxiety about it. I’m worried people will constantly say “oh, like the dog?”, and we are having trouble with a spelling. I like Marley just ok, my husband likes Marlee (which I hate), so we decided on Marleigh. The problem- I am completely against creative spellings and this feels like one. But this time it’s the most aesthetically pleasing to me for some reason! I’m just afraid it makes the name seem too trendy and people will think it’s stupid.

The biggest problem is now I’m having massive anxiety about what people will think about her name/spelling. I am aware that I’m clinging to the name because it is the only thing I can control about the pregnancy process, but it’s really unlike me to worry so much about other people’s opinions. I’m afraid to tell friends and coworkers the name when they ask what we’re considering, and sometimes when I look at it written out I feel revulsion- I have no idea where this is coming from. I feel like it’s her name though, so when I look for other ones, I just don’t even consider them seriously. We both like Ryan, but again, haven’t even talked about it much because it feels like she already has a name. But sometimes it feels like I’m scared of the name Marleigh! Ugh, I’m such a mess! Is this level of panic and strange feelings about a name normal?

Sometimes I think the perfect name is out there still, but nothing else appeals to me. We like more unisex names, or feminine names with a boyish nickname, and for a boy we love Wyatt and Walker. I don’t know what to do- is this just normal pregnancy-related hormonal issues?! Is the Marleigh spelling too made-up? How do I get over this panic and anxiety and shame about a name that I’m pretty sure is hers?

Sorry this is so long, feel free to cut stuff if you decide to use it on the blog! I really hope you do- I’d love other people’s opinions on this and trust your readership.

I’m going to start by separating into three lists the feelings you’re having about the name Marleigh.

Positive feelings:
• Feel like it’s her name
• Have liked it for years

Neutral feelings:
• Nothing else appeals

Negative feelings:
• “Oh, like the dog?”
• The favorite spelling goes against your usual naming preferences
• Might seem too trendy
• People might think it’s stupid
• Afraid to tell people the name
• Occasional feelings of revulsion at the sight of it
• Panic, anxiety, and shame

I also notice that the name Colette was ruled out because you hated the nickname Coley, which sounds similar to Marleigh.

It’s very normal to worry about what other people will think of the name. I usually mention something we all already know but that can be reassuring anyway, which is that there is no name you can choose that will win universal approval: if you choose something popular, some people will think it’s boring and some people will love it and some people will think it’s weird because they’re not familiar with currently popular names; if you choose something unusual, some people will think it’s weird and some people will love it and some people will still think it’s too popular. But fortunately, no one cares about the name anywhere near as much as the parents do: everyone else will have their brief reactions to the name, and then it’ll drift right out of their minds.

Because of this, my primary concern is what YOU think of the name. It can be hard, however, to separate out your own feelings and reactions from the worried-about feelings and reactions of others. Or at least, it’s hard for me: I get to the point where I can’t tell if I really do have an issue with a name or if I only have an issue with other people maybe having an issue—and this may be what’s happening to you, too.

One option is to tell a few people the name and see how they really do react to it. You could try it with strangers who ask, or you could try it with a few people where it doesn’t matter as much if they hear the name ahead of time (co-workers, casual friends), or you could try it with a few close trusted friends or family members who could give you a better feeling of what the people most important to you would think. If it’s not typical for you to worry about what people think, you may find that getting some actual reactions (positive or negative) helps you get over that hurdle: maybe their reactions will be positive, or maybe you’ll find you don’t mind a negative reaction as much as you’d expect you would. Or you might find that people’s reactions are something to add to your naming preferences (I found that to be the case for me), and it may in fact end up influencing what name you choose.

One thing that concerns me about the name Marleigh is the surname. Is the exclamation point an L? Marleigh Mark!evitz is hard for me to say and repeats the L sound as well as the Mar- sound.

I can’t tell from my end whether the feeling that Marleigh is Her Name (usually a very strong point in a name’s favor) is enough to outweigh the issues such as having feelings of revulsion and shame. Normally I would be very reluctant to start over when there’s a name that feels like it’s already the baby’s name, but it helps that you’ve gone through the same process with the name Colette: it felt like Her Name, and now it doesn’t. I think in this case, I’d suggest re-thinking the name (as in, with one of the possible outcomes being choosing the name Marleigh). One way to do this is to take a break first, a little soothing rest from considering names, and then pretend that there was some reason you couldn’t use the name Marleigh (a friend uses it or something) and you had to start over.

A first baby’s name can cause extra anxiety because you’re also choosing your whole naming PHILOSOPHY. It’s similar with a lot of other first-baby stuff: you can’t just buy diapers, you have to decide on a diapering system; you can’t just buy something for the baby to sleep in, you have to decide on a sleeping plan. I remember the sweet relief of the second baby, and knowing we could just plug him into the systems we set up for the first baby and fine-tune from there.

For girl names, you’re all over the spectrum: you like Colette, which is used only for girls; Marleigh, which is somewhat unisex but used far more often for girls; and Ryan, which is somewhat unisex but used far more often for boys. If you’d like sibling names to coordinate, this is something to think about ahead of time. I find it helpful to mess around a little with sibling sets—not seriously trying to name all the children ahead of time, but more like seeing what feels right when I imagine the group sitting around the dining room table. Do you picture asking Marleigh and Wyatt about their day at school? Or Ryan and Walker? Or Ryan and Colette? If you have two girls, would you mind having one girl with an unmistakably female name and one with a more-likely boy name, or would that not be an issue?

If you’d prefer to avoid alternate spellings, and you have other style-related doubts about the name Marleigh, it may be that it falls into the category of Names We Love That Are Not Right for Our Family. I have a bunch of those: names I love and really really really want other people to use, but names that just don’t work for US for one reason or another. That’s the category that can give me the sorts of conflicted feelings you’re describing: like I really WANT to use the name, but it’s not FITTING.

In which case I might start by looking for names with a similar sound. Maybe it’s just the ending of Marleigh that’s giving you trouble: it’s the source of the spelling concerns, and you didn’t like the sound of Coley either, so perhaps you’d be happier with the name Margo/Margot, or Marlow(e)? The long-O sound reminds me of Colette, too. I have problems pronouncing either of those with Mark!evitz, though.

The name Margaret doesn’t strike me as being quite your style, but on the other hand it does have such great nickname possibilities: Meg, Maggie, Daisy, Maisy, Greta. Again though, I have surname trouble.

Or maybe something like Mara or Amara? Marina? Marin? Maelyn? There’s a Marguerite in one of my kids’ classrooms this year, and I’ve been surprised at how well it works (and how little it made me think of margaritas, which I would have expected to be an issue but hasn’t been). Mara, Amara, and Marguerite give me trouble with the surname, but Marina, Marin, and Maelyn are less of an issue.

Or we could look for more names with the -arl- sound: Carley (though that may have the same issues as Coley), or Charlotte with the nicknames Charlie (sounds like Marleigh) or Lettie (sounds like Colette). Harlow.

Or Ryleigh (Ryan + Marleigh), unless that has the same issues as the name Marleigh.

Or I know you don’t like the spelling Marley as much, but would going with a second-choice spelling eliminate enough of your other concerns to be worth it? That is, if spelling it Marley takes away the creative spelling issue and a big chunk of anxiety over how others might feel about the name, and also fits better with your overall naming preferences, it could be a worthwhile trade.

The name Colette makes me think of Celeste, which is one of my own favorites.

Colette/Cole also makes me think of Magnolia and Nola and Cleo. Or would you like Collins or Holland or Hollis or Ellis? Or Etta or Scarlet or Juliette or Greta or Beckett or Elliott or Britt? Or Henrietta is a fun one with lots of nicknames: Henry, Hennie, Etta, Ettie. Or Fiona, or Josephine with the nickname Jo.

Or would you like Colette again with the nickname Lettie?

 
Name update! Erin writes:

My husband and I really appreciated you posting our question and all the commenters who put time into helping us! I just could never get on board with Marley Mark!evitz so it was out. (Our plan is to use Marley with my last name, Fenne!!, if we have another girl someday.) Two months before she was born, we were down to Reese (suggested by one of the commenters) and Logan, which I heard on another baby girl and loved. We then never discussed it seriously because I was still having trouble committing, and figured we’d be forced to make a decision at the hospital.

The day after she was born, we thought we might prefer Logan, so tried it out that day. By the next morning, we felt it was truly her name and were finally able to complete the birth certificate. We also decided to throw caution to the wind and give her a boyish first name with the ambiguous middle name we loved. Yes, people will probably think she’s a boy just by the name, but it doesn’t bother us and Los Angeles is pretty accepting of anything (we know girls named Hudson, Lennon Gabriel, and Noa, among others!)

Phew, long story short, here is Logan Revere Mark!evitz, born February 17th, 2014!

Katie writes:

We are expecting our third child in December, possibly our last and can’t decide on a name. We’d like to have it narrowed down before she makes her arrival so she no longer will be Baby No name, but it has been so hard finding or deciding on a name that we “love”. It was stressful not deciding with our 2nd until he was born and in the end it felt rushed.

With our first we agreed on Georgia Kate(mn from my side) early on and it has been THE perfect name for her. Nn: Gigi and George, we absolutely love her name.

Our 2nd was a surprise so the girl name would have most likely been Esme and while that’s still on the list it’s not quite at the top anymore. We chose Nathan (Nate) and Scott for his middle name, my husbands name. Looking back I probably might have considered using one of our other less common boy names from our list since I love names so much, but I am really happy with his name.

We are not set on using a family name for mn spot on #3.

To get our naming style a little: We both have more traditional common names (Scott and Katie) so I think we always thought we’d like a little more unique yet not too unusual names for our children. Not too popular. I guess we seem to stick with more classic names, but did not on purpose. Also, my husbands job requires that for the next several years and potentially longer we will be moving to different countries (and sometimes back in the US) every couple years so it’s a little tricky to decide or care about trends in a particular state or city, but I do think about that.

After going back and forth, here is the girl list we have agreed on:

Piper – we love but I’m afraid it’s getting too popular or trendy?
Violet/Violette (nn: viola/vi) – again, I’m not sure I’m in love and it seems to be getting too popular?
Esme – not Esmerelda
Crosby – I had first fallen in LOVE. I had thought for a boy, but since its a girl I actually really still liked so I keep jumping back to it. I did get mostly negative feedback from most people(not a girl name and not with our names), but I can’t help it. A little girl Crosby would be so spunky and cute!!!

Also on the longer list: Tessa, Charlotte, Maeve, Molly, Sutton, Jensen and Quinn. Hubby does not love these, but he wasn’t sold on Nathan either and loves now so…

Mainly, we want to love her name and pick something that feels just right. We do not want to have any regrets about wishing we would have really used a fun name instead of something so traditional. Should we care about this? Also, I don’t want to miss out on picking a name I love just because others might not agree. In fact, we got mixed reviews on Georgia and we absolutely have never had any reservation that it wasn’t just right.

Just to reference and know for any future siblings and our style, here are Boy names from our boy list:
Crosby
Bennett
Samuel (hubby likes)
Reid (we have a nephew Reece, do it might be to close, but I’ve loved it)
Wesley (too matchy with our last initial)
Maxwell nn Max (again we have a nephew Mack so too similar)
Graham/grant
Larson/Lawrence nn Lars(hubby liked, I didn’t, but am growing)

For now, I’ve been searching name lists for any other girl names that might jump out at me, but we’d love to hear your thoughts and any suggestions that your readers might have. It would help so much to get a little extra advice. Thanks so much!

In this sibling group, I think Crosby works better for a boy than for a girl. If you’re set on it for a girl, I recommend using it as the middle name.

I wonder if you can put your finger on what it is you like about the name Crosby. Is it the cute “bee” sound at the end? If so, I’d suggest:

Aubrey; Georgia, Nathan, and Aubrey
Beatrix; Georgia, Nathan, and Beatrix
Darby; Georgia, Nathan, and Darby
Ruby; Georgia, Nathan, and Ruby
Shelby; Georgia, Nathan, and Shelby

Or is it the fun Z-sound? If so, I’d suggest:

Azalea; Georgia, Nathan, and Azalea
Eliza; Georgia, Nathan, and Eliza
Eloise; Georgia, Nathan, and Eloise
Esme (already on your list); Georgia, Nathan, and Esme
Hazel; Georgia, Nathan, and Hazel
Isadora; Georgia, Nathan, and Isadora
Louisa; Georgia, Nathan, and Louisa
Louise; Georgia, Nathan, and Louise
Margaret, nicknamed Daisy; Gigi, Nate, and Daisy
Margaret, nicknamed Maisy; Gigi, Nate, and Maisy
Rosalie; Georgia, Nathan, and Rosalie
Susanna; Georgia, Nathan, and Susanna
Zinnia; Georgia, Nathan, and Zinnia

From your list, my favorite sister name for a Georgia is Violet. I think Violet Wickland is a particularly smashing combination. My second favorite from your list is Esme.

The name Piper has the energetic sound you’re looking for, but I think it’s a different type than the name Georgia. One thing I love about the name Georgia is that it works on a very serious person or a very cheeky one; it’s easy to imagine the name Piper working on someone cheeky, but harder to imagine it working on someone serious. I like the way a Georgia can be a Gigi or a George or a Georgie depending on her personality; Piper misses out on those additional options. I’d prefer something like Beatrix, which lets her be Bee or a Bix or a Beatrix; or Louisa, which lets her be Lou or Lulu; or Margaret, which lets her be Daisy or Maisy or Meg or Maggie.

Name update! Katie writes:

Baby girl decided to arrive on her due date. After much deliberation we decided to name her Piper Elizabeth. The name Piper seemed to really fit and balanced nicely with a more feminine classic middle name that we didn’t even realize was in the family. Thanks for all of your help and suggestions. Big sister and brother are smitten:)

Ashley writes:

I am currently pregnant with baby #3.  Due late May 2014.  We have decided to keep the gender a delivery room surprise, and have also decided to keep our name choices a secret.  We have a 3 year old daughter, Gracyn Merr*tt (an i goes there), and a 1 year old son, J@meson Lane (he goes by Lane).  Our last name is Shan!ever.

We decided to use Gracyn just because we liked it.  Though I have since realized that it is a combo of two different grandmother’s names (Grace and Carolyn).  Merr*tt is my husband’s middle name and was also his grandfather’s middle name.

J@meson Lane was named after his grandfather James who passed away, and Lane is my maiden name.

Our real dilemma is the girl name.  I am convinced this baby will be a girl.  My firstborn daughter and I almost share the same late May birthdate, and this baby is due to arrive the same week.   Our problem is there’s just nothing we both love except for Merr*tt.  But, we have decided that using it for a first name seems like we are taking it from our firstborn and giving it to the baby.  Therefore, we have decided to use it as a middle name again.  It will be a family middle name that the girls will share with their daddy.  I still have no idea why we didn’t use it as a first name with our first born, but I guess we were swimming in a sea of names back then :)

My name is Ashley, and I want a name that isn’t too popular.  I grew up being called by my last name, and with a last name like Shan!ever I don’t want that same fate for our kids.  I tend to like unisex names, but I’m not limited to those.

We have picked a boy name -Knox.  It’s rich with meaning for us.  Our only dilemma is the middle name.  Is it weird to use Merr*tt for a boy after using it for our firstborn girl?  If the answer is yes, we have a list of other names waiting.  We just really don’t know the answer to this one.

List of girl names we like ranked in order:
Keighley (Kee-Lee  We both really like it, but I’m just not sure if it’s THE ONE.  I am worried about people mispronouncing it, but simpler spellings like Keeley don’t appeal to my husband)
Harper (if our son would have been a girl this would have been the name we chose, but as an Ashley, I think it’s too popular for me now)
Blakely (another name we really like, but are unsure about)
Isley (great grandmother’s maiden name – pronounced eyes-lee, but our 3 year old pronounces it as Ashley.)
Reese (husband hates it, and it’s gaining popularity)
Berkley (3 year old pronounces it as Broccoli)
Leighton (It’s very popular in our area, and I don’t think I want two different gender kids to share the letter L)

We have always picked our baby names very early on, and so I have found myself worrying about this more and more.  I’m ready to pick a girl name and stop thinking about it so much!

Thanks so much swistle!  I love reading your blog, and I can’t wait to hear your suggestions.

If you use Merr*tt as the middle name for a second daughter, that doesn’t seem strange to me: it seems like a fun tradition for the girls in the family. If you use it as the middle name for a second son, it does seem a little strange to me: suddenly it feels as if your first son is left out of the club. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s at a level of strangeness that means it needs to be ruled out, especially considering how infrequently middle names are used, and because your son has your maiden name as his middle name. If your son weren’t going by his middle name, I might suggest having all the girls use the middle name Merr*tt and all the boys use the middle name Lane.

For a boy, would you want to consider the same pattern as your first son’s name? ______ Knox Shan!ever, called Knox.

When I saw Keighley, I read it as if it were Kiley (rhymes with Riley). I don’t know why, since -eigh is usually pronounced “ee” (Leigh, Ryleigh, Kayleigh) or “ay” (sleigh, weigh, neigh, eight, deign, reign, freight, Leighton). I think it might be a visual confusion with the surname Knightley. In fact, I’m going to go put up a poll right now to get a more accurate survey—I can’t even THINK of another example where “eigh” would be pronounced like long-I [oh, good, Rachel mentioned the word “height”—but I think for me it was the Knightley thing].

I would advise against this spelling, even if it means ruling out the name. I looked through the Social Security database with the search term “eigh,” and here are the times those letters are used for United States baby names:

1. After an L and at the end of the name, to sound like ee (Hayleigh, Marleigh)

2. After a letter at the beginning of a name, to sound like ay (Leighton, Peighton)

3. In ways that make the pronunciation unclear to me even though I know what the parents must have intended (Aubreigh, which makes me think “Aubray—no wait, it must be Aubrey”)

With the name pronounced Keeley, I might expect to see the -eigh on the END, but not in the middle: Keeleigh is clear to me, but Keighley doesn’t feel right. I feel like I can’t remember how to pronounce it OR how to spell it.

Harper doesn’t seem too common to me. There were 7,154 new baby girls named Harper in 2012; I’m comparing that to the 54,831 new baby girls named Ashley in 1987. (I wish I could compare as percentages of the number of babies born in those years, but that feature of the Social Security site hasn’t been working for me. [It’s working again! The name Ashley was given to 2.93% of baby girls in 1987; the name Harper was given to .37% of baby girls in 2012.]) Would you prefer Piper (3,038 new baby girls in 2012) or Juniper (296 new baby girls in 2012)? Or wait—I’m not sure I like the repeated -er with the surname.

Blakely Shan!ever is a bit of a tongue-tangler for me.

Isley appeals to me, but has spelling and pronunciation issues: I had to scroll up twice to get the spelling for this paragraph (though it clicked as soon as I noticed it’s the word isle with a Y), and the word isle and the popularity of Isla (no S-sound) may confuse things. I’m not concerned with the three-year-old’s pronunciation: that’s a temporary situation, and seems like it results in nothing but cute stories and affectionate nicknames.

I notice the first two children share an end-sound; it’s less of an issue since J@meson goes by Lane, but it’s something I’d take into account. For some, “taking it into account” would mean avoiding a third matched ending; for others, it would mean finding a third matched ending.

More possibilities:

Braelyn
Brinley/Brynleigh
Campbell
Devany
Ellery
Ellison
Emery
Evanie
Everly/Everleigh
Finley
Hadley/Hadleigh
Holland
Keelyn
Kinley/Kinleigh
Kinsley (I wouldn’t do Kinsleigh, because of sleigh)
Maelyn
Marley
Merrin (instead of using middle name Merr*tt)
Mirren (instead of using middle name Merr*tt)
Teagan

Name update! Ashley writes:

It’s a girl!

Meet Finley Merr*tt Shan!ever

(My husband and I had our first date at an NC State football game at Carter-Finley stadium.  We loved that we could tie that in with Finley!)

Thanks for the naming help and suggestions!