Commenter ErinInSoCal had a good idea for a post. She commented on the post asking how much it bothers us to correct a mispronounced name, saying her daughter Beatrix is often called Beatrice, and her daughter’s nickname Bea (BEE-uh) is almost exclusively mispronounced Bee. Then she added:
Oh well, she’s turning 18 soon and going off to college, so she has the chance to reinvent her name if need be!
(Which, btw Swistle, could be another interesting thread — who started using a different version of their name when they moved/went to college/started a new job?)
Oh, I am SO interested to hear these stories. A friend’s daughter, named something along the lines of Haven Rose, started going by Rose as part of her new college experience. A co-worker mentioned that her Uncle Joseph is known to all his old childhood friends and most family members as Rusty—a nickname of his middle name, Russell, which he went by until he got his first job and thought he should use his first name to sound more professional.
Did you seize a life transition as an opportunity to make a name transition? Or has one of your children done so?
I showed up for the first day of training for my campus job and there was another Carrie/Kari/Kerri, and so I decided to go my middle name Brennan. Other Carrie/Kari/Kerri never showed up again, but I was Brennan for four years and am still occasionally Brennan with college work friends. (I learned quickly though that college professors mostly don’t care what you “go by” though, so I was Kerry with all of my college friends outside of work. And it still mostly worked? Occasional confusion. But also it turns out, most of the time you are talking to people what they think your name is is irrelevant.)
My daughter, Liberty, did this when she went to kindergarten. Instead of Libby, she introduced herself to her teacher as Birdy. I had no warning, but after the initial shock wore off, I just nodded and helped her find her seat.
When I showed up for a college job, the assistant manager said, “We already have a Jennifer, Jennie with an ‘ie’, Jenny with a ‘y’, Jenni with just an ‘i’,, a Jen with one ‘n’, a Jenn with two ‘n’s, and Jennifer Marie.” After letting me digest this, she asked, “So what do we call you?”
A heartbeat later, I answered definitively, “Jenna.” That’s been me for almost thirty years now.
My favorite shirt hasn’t fit from birth ’til now. Why should my name? Sometimes, it’s needed the sleeves rolled up or the collar popped. It’s been hemmed and had lace added.
A name is a gift that shows love. Sometimes, it just needs tailoring.
Liberty is such a great name! And “Birdie” as a nickname, I love it!
Five jennifers in my sister’s 8th grade class. My sister went by a funny mispronounciation of our last name.
My dad legally changed his name from Robin to Robert, before graduating because he really hated it and didn’t want it on his diploma. He started going by Rob instead of Robin in middle school. There were 5 girls named Robin in his 6th grade class.
My sister in law is a name like Margaret, no nickname, all through childhood. Sometime around college/grad school she started using a nickname like Maggie. So her husband and all adult friends call her Maggie. I feel odd bc I met her in her “Maggie” era but to me she’s Margaret because that’s what my husband still calls her. I don’t think she particularly likes Margaret but her family isn’t budging on calling her that, since it had stuck for 18 years. So I kind of go back and forth.
My parents named all six of us with formal but easily nicknamed legal names (like Caroline, Joseph, Margaret), and we went by the nickname (Carrie, Joey, Margie) as children. I switched to my adultier name at age 12, when we moved states, but some of my sibs never switched, and some waited until college/marriage to change what they were called. I can tell how long (30+ years) or how someone knows me (thru family) by what they call me.
Yep! I’m a Carolyn without a nickname that stuck until university when I travelled abroad. The Kiwis and Aussies shortened it to Caz which I’ve been ever since (almost 20 years!) I’m still Carolyn to my parents and partner/kiddo and Caro to some grade school friends, but Caz both personally and professionally everywhere else.
I know a woman who switched to her second name when she started dating in her late fifties after a messy divorce. Her new partner and his family call her by her second name, but everyone else uses the first. I find it slightly confusing, but ok the other hand I get it. I also picked two names for my kids just in case the first one doesn’t work anymore.
I’m a Katherine who went by Katie through high school, then took the opportunity to switch to Kate when I went to college. My parents and siblings made the switch pretty easily; it took extended family a bit longer but most of them are good now. And I’m only in sporadic contact with a very few friends from childhood, so that hasn’t been an issue (as far as names go).
My sister Melissa came home from school one day when she was about 10 and said something to the effect of “Please don’t call me Missy anymore, it sounds too babyish.” She has been Melissa or Mel ever since.
i’ve a friend named Melissa who went by Missy in her childhood, switched to Mel in college 20+ys ago, & recently switched back to Missy. She says college friends may continue to call her Mel, tho.
I took advantage of moving in the middle of 8th grade to stop going by my full name (Stephanie) and go by Steph instead in our new town. The funny part is that before that my Dad often called me Steph and I liked it well enough to make the switch and afterwards he would only call me Stephanie. I guess he wanted a name only he called me.
My younger child came out as non-binary the summer between 5th and 6th grade and when they started middle school they introduced themselves to everyone with their new name (we legally changed it when they were in 10th grade).
I went by my full name, Cynthia, for the course of one short job post-college. I had always been called Cindy and didn’t like that much, so I took the opportunity to start using the more formal name. What I learned was that even if I objectively like Cynthia better, it doesn’t really feel like “me” the way Cindy does. I stopped using it after that job and have gone by Cindy ever since.
My daughter Elizabeth is a college freshman this year. She’s always been called by her full name, but started introducing herself to people in college as Lizzie, and that’s what all her friends there call her.
I had exactly the same thing with Rosie and Rose. I tried Rose in my first job after college and just could not flip the switch. I’m now in my mid-30s and continue to be Rosie as that’s definitely more ‘me’
My birth name is international, hard to pronounce, and confusing to spell, so now I go by an easier version (think Ronit to Ronnie). I started this in college and I love it. I feel so free introducing myself now. And I wouldn’t like it if people insisted on using my birth name, even if they meant well.
My husband’s name is William, so he has always had lots of nickname options. Growing up he was Billy (his dad was Bill), then in grad school he started going by Will. The family and I still call him Billy, and when I refer to him as Will (like if I’m talking to his co worker) I’m like, “…Will.” I can’t take it seriously. At least no one calls him Willy.
My mom went by a nickname of her middle name, let’s pretend she was Anne Elizabeth and she went by Beth, until college when her dorm mother informed her that since her first name is Anne, therefore she will be know by Anne.
(She was named Anne Elizabeth after her two grandmothers, which I think is lovely, and due to sort of an inside joke by the nurses at the hospital when she was born ((she was the only girl born that week at a stateside military hospital during WWII)) the nurses called her Beth and my grandparents went with it. I think it fits my mom and it’s how I think of her in my head)
I would describe my mom at that age as a meek little mouse so she was just like, “yes, ma’am” and learned to write Anne on her school papers instead of Beth as she’d done for the first 18 years.
So all her professional colleagues know her as Anne but all her family and family friends know her as Beth. Some friends know her as Anne and some know her as Beth. Due to moving for her job, one entire state knows her as Anne, but her home state knows her as Beth.
My dad’s family randomly decided to call her Annie, not that anyone asked HER of course and that’s still the most confusing one because Annie is a lovely name and I have a lovely pal named Annie but Annie is not my mom’s name.
When I was five and answering the phone, I had to write myself a list of all the names people might call and ask for that all meant her.
One person calls her Ah-nn like the younger ginger sister in Frozen but without the A on the end. He’s the only person to ever do that and it feels like a sweet nickname from him.
All of this is why she gave me the name that I go by and that doesn’t really have a nickname unless you take a big leap of the imagination. My daughter also goes by her first name as-is – there are some obvious nicknames of it that she’ll answer to but basically she identifies as her first given name and so do I.
I’m a Jennifer that has always gone by Jenny, so I have never done this.
But I have a sister that switched from almost always using the short form of her name to using the long form. I have trouble in conversation making the switch, but have switched when writing her name.
I have a friend from college that went by a form of her middle name throughout high school (like going by Stevie if her middle name was Stevenson–her mom’s maiden name). She switched to her first name in college.
I have two coworkers named Nicole. The first one goes by Nikki in the office, but Nicole in real life. The second one goes by Nicole in the office and Nikki in real life.
I know a Jennifer who was Jenny to her family but started going by Jenn in school…what you call her is a good marker of whether you knew her before age 8ish.
I also know a Maria Teresa who was called Maria until middle age and then started a new job where she asked to be known as Rese. Apparently she’d always wished for that nickname and seized the opportunity to make it happen! There are some ups and downs with going by a variation of one’s legal name but it hasn’t been much of a problem.
I became Kate my Freshman year of college after being Katie for 18 years. So many more “katies”.
I did the same, but from Caitlin. It only lasted a short time, too many people knew me from high school lol. The funny thing is that it’s come full circle – my family has always called me Cait and now my closest friends do, too.
I have an unintuitive-to-pronounce foreign name with zero nickname potential and as a shy kid in college, I didn’t want to constantly have to introduce myself twice. So I just chose a completely new name (one that my parents had tossed around while naming me) and started going by it. Say, my name was Gunay and I went by Leyla. My college had a “preferred name” field so my new name was on all my school IDs, and all the friends and acquaintances I met during that time knew me as Leyla. Only my coworkers from my college jobs knew me as Gunay, since I had to use my legal name on the application.
If anyone asked, I said Leyla was my middle name. By the time my friends were close enough to know my actual middle name, they knew the entire backstory and got a kick out of it. Eventually I started coming back around to my given name, but I’d considered changing it legally so I could keep being Leyla post-college. I do like having a unique name and want to give my future kids ethnic names as well, but with Anglo nickname options or easy middle names that they can use in a pinch.
I’m named after my mom and have never used my legal first name as My Name. Think Elizabeth. I’ve always used a nickname of my middle name, think Katie from Katherine. I’ve had many, MANY chances to rebrand myself as Elizabeth or a nickname (Lizzie, Beth, etc) since no one ever understands why I go by “Katie” even after The Explanation. I sort of gave up in college for a while since I got sick of explaining but I’m just not an Elizabeth, I’m a Katie. Sorry everyone!
Each job comes with the Peril of Explaining to whoever assigns the job email addresses that: elizabeth.mylastname@job.com is going to be confusing forever because 90% of the reason I made it through the interview process is someone at New Job knows me as Katie. If I ever get a new job where no one knows me as Katie I might just rock Elizabeth until retirement because I’m so tired of explaining and I’m old so no one cares anyway.
My grandmother (born in 1919) was Minnie Myrtle…she lived in an area where it was common to use both the first and middle name. In elementary school, she was teased and called “Myrtle the turtle”. I suspect that embarrassing and she decided to go by Minnie, only. As a young adult, she met my grandfather who was the son of a woman also named Minnie. My grandfather couldn’t imagine dating someone who shared a name with his mom so he called her Myrtle and she was Myrtle the rest of her life. I hope the name switch honored my grandmother’s preferences—but I don’t really know.
A friend of a friend went by her given name Megan (nice last name). When she started High School she started to go by Gwend0lyn Greenle@f. My father was her teacher, and he was the only teacher who used whatever name she wanted. She also started speaking with an English accent.
Now, I’m not one to judge. Because when I was in High School I decided to change my name to my mother’s maiden name, thinking that she’d be touched. Turns out she HATED her maiden name and got visibly upset when I suggested it. I learned that she had been teased for her last name when she was young, and took my father’s last name as quickly as she possibly could!
I cried in my room afterwards and my Dad came in and comforted me, saying that the thought had been so kind. My poor fragile High School self was grateful for his love.
Awwe. that was a sweet thought.
I suspect my MIL was only too happy to get rid of her maiden name, too, even though she changed from an innocuous one to one with unfortunate rhyming potential no adolescent bully could ignore, so in her case it’s probably family issues rather than being teased. She dropped it completely; doesn’t even use her maiden name as a middle name.
I’m a Madeline that was kind of ‘given’ the nickname of Maddy when I started a new school and it just stuck. It wasn’t really my choice but I just went with it because I didn’t feel bold enough to say that I didn’t want that new name. Trying to fit in at a new school, I didn’t want to cause a fuss! Now in my late 30s, I recently had a conversation with a friend who has always been Elizabeth and always corrected anyone who tried to nickname her. She helped me feel really confident about trying to reclaim ‘Madeline’ and I’ve been trying with new people I meet and I use that name professionally, but it’s been really hard with all those people I met post-12 years old – friends, nieces and nephews, co workers, my in-laws, to make the change. I don’t want to always correct people but I also would really love it to stick, so perhaps it’s the only way? Right now, I just accept that I’m Maddy to most and Madeline to a few others. I still find myself introducing myself as Maddy by habit, so I should probably stop doing that too! Ha!
Same here, and I will never get my fathers and siblings to drop the old unwanted nickname, and sometimes my old and new worlds collide in tricky ways, but I do regularly remind people I want the full name – all nine letters! Can be awkward – had to say it to someone on a work call yesterday with way too many people listening in; why are people so eager to nickname someone they don’t even know? – but after college I started using the long form professionally and 20+ years later I am so glad I did and really like my name.
I tried on a nickname when we moved to a new town (I was 16), but it didn’t stick. *shrug* At least I got to drop pretending my ex-stepfather’s surname was mine. i had bowed to maternal pressure there, but i resented it. The move to a new town was because Mom left him, so she was happy to drop the name from hers, too.
I did accidentally acquire a nickname in college, tho. I type just Eli. as a username for various on-line chatrooms or whatever and my friends just carried “Eli” (like the boy’s name) over to real life. You can tell who’s a college friend of mine because they’re the _only_ ones who use it, lol.
I’m a Rebecca who went by Becky all through childhood. I was never Rebecca with my family unless I was in trouble. I’m much more comfortable with family and friends from that era calling me Becky. This includes my spouse, who started calling me Becky at some point in our relationship, which felt correct. His family also refers to me that way. But since college or perhaps early in my career, I’ve only ever introduced *myself* as Rebecca, and I’m not sure why. Partly, I had no desire to correct professors or others who were getting my name from forms, so I just didn’t. If you met me in a college class, you knew me as Rebecca. Same with work, when I was in an office, and now when I make new connections through church or my kids’ school. Always Rebecca.
But what’s funny is it isn’t really deliberate, or even a preference, exactly. It’s just feels too familiar to say my nickname when I’m meeting new people, like I’m lifting my shirt and showing them a belly button piercing. When friends who know me from my Becky days introduce me that way to their people, it’s fine. When my spouse introduces me that way to his people, it’s fine. But when others use Becky when I KNOW I’ve introduced myself as Rebecca to them, because they’ve heard my husband use it, it bothers me. Not enough to make an issue of it – in fact, I’ll usually say “either is fine” when asked – but it’s like a weird little pinprick of irritation.
The only thing I can figure is that because Becky feels like my more familiar and intimate name, I don’t like when people who haven’t gotten explicit (by asking and being told either is fine) or implicit (by having someone who knows me introduce me by Becky) permission make an assumption about my preferences. It feels like a very Regency or Victorian era sensibility to get affronted that way, but I can’t seem to help it. It’s probably a good thing that we’ve abandoned draconian rules of etiquette when it comes to the names we’re allowed to call each other, and yet some part of me wishes it wouldn’t seem rude to be all “Yeah, my husband can call me by my nickname, but you, sir, cannot.”
I’m Carmen and have always been Carmen. But I was married to a Leonard who vastly prefers Leonard and who growing up, everyone called Len (except for his mom who calls him Leo – but only his mom). So when we moved away to grad school, he started introducing himself to everyone as Leonard and tried really hard to make it stick. Most people respected it, but a few people will just insist on calling him Len without asking/checking and he doesn’t like it. So yeah, everyone from his childhood calls him Len, and 95% of people from grad school onwards call him Leonard.
I started going by my middle name when I went off to college. My first name was one of the top girls names in the 80s. I never liked it that much, in elementary school I tried different nicknames and even different spellings a couple of times (until my mom shot that down). By middle school there was at least one, usually two, other girls in my classes with the same name. By high school there were three of us with the same first name who all had the last name starting with the same letter, so we had to go by full first name and last name in those classes. I figured going to college was a good time to start fresh. I didn’t love my middle name, but it wasn’t an unusual one for a girl my age and was way less common. Plus I figured it was still my “legal name” to prevent any issues from arising. It took me a bit to get used to it, mostly when my family started to call me by it. I finally legally switched my first and middle names five or so years after college so that has also made it easier
I have a girl first name that was spelled weird/wrong by my parents but can be made more gender neutral by chopping off the last syllable. My wife has always called me by the shorter version, and I toyed with switching for the rest of the world for years before I finally just did it. I was surprised at how smoothly the whole process has gone and should have done it much sooner! It wasn’t any big life transition that spurred the change, but I think everybody’s increasing comfort with gender fluidity/transition has made everybody more ready to just call people whatever it is that they want to be called.
I’m a Mary Middle who has always gone by just Middle (from birth, not my choice) and I actually planned to start introducing myself as Mary Leith instead of Leith when I went away to university, but then I FORGOT!! So I still don’t know if Mary or Mary Leith would have ended up feeling as much “me” as just-Leith always has haha.
When my sister was in preschool she would put on shows and introduce herself as Barbara. We are not sure why as her given name is closer to Nicola. We didn’t know any Barbara’s.
One summer before kindergarten Nicola decided she was going to be Barbara. My parents didn’t really go along with this but my sister is stubborn as hell. So in swim class the teacher took attendance: “Nicola? Nicola?” Looking right at my sister who just ignored her. My mom stage whispered “try Barbara” so the teacher said “Barbara?” And Nicola said “here!” This lasted for the whole summer just at swim class. She gave up Barbara in Kindergarten but later tried on other names for brief periods – like family she babysat for who called her Lala because she told them to or the summer job where she was Susan, college was Nola. At work now she goes by Mimi. It’s weird when I meet people who are like “are you Susan’s sister?” And I’m not sure
I think she is nuts but admire her ability to try on different names.
This is so fascinating!
I usually use a different name here, but–
At birth, I was named Elizabeth. I went by Lizzy until I was 14, at which point I started insisting everyone call me Litza instead (it rhymes with pizza, if that is helpful for pronunciation).
Here’s the thing– we moved every few years, so I had AMPLE opportunity to change my nickname during a move. BUT DID I? I DID NOT. Instead, it was an impulsive decision– but so successful that it is still the name I use 20+ years later.
My sister has a name like Amanda and for one year of school, decided to go by Mandi as a nickname. Only at school; the family still called her Amanda. It’s funny, because years later we’ve found boxes with school papers, notes from friends, etc with “Mandi” on them and can instantly know it was from 4th grade. By 5th grade, she was back to her full name again.
I have a non-nickname name (like Nora) and have always just been my full name, it’s kind of a bummer; sometimes I think it’d be fun to have a name with nickname options so I could use the nickname versions.
I’m an Elizabeth who was *always* called Beth until I worked internationally. I was in countries that don’t use the “th” sound in their languages so I was suddenly called Eliza or Betty or Elisabette. It was a pretty seamless transition. Now, I use Elizabeth for professional/formal things and am called Beth by family and friends.