Dear Swistle,

I have been a huge fan for years, and I’m super excited to reach out to you! My husband and I are expecting our first baby in mid-January, gender unknown. Our surname is Garrett-with-a-B, my name is Chelsea-with-a-K, and my husband is called L3wis. We’d like to avoid names beginning with K & L, and names ending in -ee and -s sounds. For a girl, we have a long list of names we like and can see ourselves using: Beatrix, Annabelle, Juliet and Adelaide top the list to name but a few. We like the idea of two middle names as well. However, if we have a boy, we are in trouble! First middle name will 100% be Peter, so that eliminates first names ending in most -r/-a sounds, as the pairings lack flow. The second middle name is not decided yet. I like Wilfred (my favourite of all time! – husband hates it!), Robin, Ernest, Quentin & Ralph. My husband likes Arthur, Julian, Axel, and names with a Roman origin – think Augustus & Aurelian. We can’t use Alfred, Rupert, George, William or Leonard. Our crossover list consists of Felix, Hector & Frank, but none of these feel like the one; my husband isn’t sure if we can carry off some of these names. I would describe our style as classic, vintage, Shakespearan – we aren’t drawn to modern names, nicknames as first names or surnames as first names. I like the idea of a name that is easy to spell, and is familiar, but neither very popular or very rare. Nothing feels perfect; and I’m finding it difficult to create a cohesive sibling set with our girl names, overall I think our boy name style is a bit more conservative than our girl choices. We would like to have at least one, if not two more children in the future. Hopefully you can help us!

 

I wonder if you would like Frederick for a boy. Maybe something like Frederick Peter ______ Garrett-with-a-B.

Hang on. Is Garrett-with-a-B your husband’s surname? Would your surname work as a second middle? Although, I will say that that’s what Paul and I did, and I have been increasingly unhappy over the years with the feeling that I accepted a small handful of dry crumbs. Husband gets his family’s surname for all the children, even though he is not particular close with his family, but I “get to” have my own family name as the SECOND middle name, in the throw-away, often-doesn’t-fit-on-forms position. Cool. I hear it once per school graduation, while his surname is in the open air simply constantly.

Well, what if instead you get to use one of the names your husband hates in the middle-name position? Frederick Peter Wilfred might not work because of the repeated -fred-, but let’s say we were dealing with Felix: Felix Peter Wilfred Garrett-with-a-B.

I’d also like to ask about the origin of Peter. Is that a name from you / your side of the family / your preferences, or is it from your husband / your husband’s side of the family / your husband’s preferences? If it’s another name from your husband’s side, we need to look very seriously at creating balance with the first name and the second middle name. If it’s from your side, it’s a good start. And if, instead, Garrett-with-a-B is YOUR family surname and Peter is from your side/preferences, then we need to make the same effort to include names from your husband and his preferences: maybe his family surname as the second middle, maybe a name from his list that you dislike as the second middle, etc.

I think Franklin/Frank is a pretty great name, and I think a kid could carry it. That’s the one that stands out to me from your shared list. Franklin Peter Wilfred Garrett-with-a-B.

I wouldn’t worry too much about finding a style match between your boy-name choices and girl-name choices: it’s so common for parents to have different styles there; and also, your lists seem compatible to me. I would keep an eye out for names that eliminate other names (for example, using Julian for a boy could rule out using Juliet for a future girl; maybe you wouldn’t want to have a Felix and a Beatrix; etc.), and I would look out for CLASHES—but, for example, a sibling group of Beatrix, Franklin, and Juliet works perfectly well, as does a sibling group of Annabelle, Felix, and Adelaide, so I think you’re starting from a good position.

Your preferences about not repeating either the beginning sounds OR the ending sounds of your own names makes me wonder how you feel about duplicating initials/endings within the sibling group. If you are strongly opposed, it is a good idea to think ahead of time about which name from each group you like best: Juliet or Julian? Annabelle or Adelaide or Arthur or Axel? Beatrix or Felix? It may seem like an obvious thing to consider, but it’s not something I myself thought through sufficiently: I realized that if I chose Robert it would rule out Russell, but I neglected to consider it would also rule out Rose and Ruth and Albert.

I wonder if you would like the name Conrad. I’ve been noticing it cropping up here and there. Conrad Peter Quentin Garrett-with-a-B.

Or Desmond. Desmond Garrett-with-a-B. Desmond Peter Wilfred Garrett-with-a-B.

Or Crispin. It has the merry sound of Robin. Crispin Peter Earnest Garrett-with-a-B. (I’m deliberately using a different spelling of Earnest here, just for playing around.)

Aidric. I’m not sure if it’s too many snappy sounds with the surname. Aidric Garrett-with-a-B. Aidric Peter Wilfred Garrett-with-a-B.

Edmund. Edmund Garrett-with-a-B. Edmund Peter Quentin Garrett-with-a-B.

Hugo. Hugo Garrett-with-a-B. Hugo Peter Wilfred Garrett-with-a-B.

Warren. Warren Garrett-with-a-B. Warren Peter Ernest Garrett-with-a-B.

Victor. Victor Garrett-with-a-B. Victor Peter Quentin Garrett-with-a-B. I know you mentioned avoiding names ending in R, but I’m not sure the flow with middle names will be that much of an issue. Do you come from a family that uses them often? That is, do you have reason to think people will frequently call your child “Victor Peter”? Or will the middle names show up in the birth announcements and then not again until high school graduation?

Marcus. Marcus Garrett-with-a-B. Marcus Peter Wilfred Garrett-with-a-B. I know we’re avoiding -s endings, but I’m slightly ignoring that preference, especially in favor of one of the few ancient-Roman names I think works beautifully today.

I’m a little surprised your husband isn’t on board with Quentin. That seems almost more like it should be on his list rather than yours. Let me just put in a word for it to see if he’ll reconsider it, because I think it hits a lot of the preferences. Quentin Garrett-with-a-B. Quentin Peter Wilfred Garrett-with-a-B. Quentin, Beatrix, and Juliet. Quentin, Annabelle, and Felix. Quentin, Adelaide, and Beatrix.

 

 

 

Name update:

Hi Swistle,

Hope you are well, I have a name update for you!
We ended up having a little boy, which was a shock as I was certain I was having a girl.
It took us a while to settle on the name, as we were still unsure. My husband decided to look up the feast days of the saints who are celebrated on the day our son was born. (I’d like to add we aren’t particularly religious – we were just looking for inspiration). Lo and behold, January 14th was St Felix’s day – and this was one of the few names we could agree on. This was the sign/coincidence we needed to confirm that our son was a Felix!

Here is Felix Peter Alfred:

P.S. I’m still holding out hope for Wilfred if we have another son in the future!