Hello!
I really love your site and name advice! We are in the USA, about to have our second boy child. Our last name rhymes with “Gates” but has a different first letter (not hard to guess haha).
Our first son is named Walter Allen “Gates.” Walter was taken from two great grandfathers and Allen is my husband’s middle name.
We’re preparing for baby boy #2 in January of next year. We love family names and honoring family name traditions. We do hope to have more children in the future.
My side of the family began a tradition of giving the second-born son the middle name “Bennett” (my dad’s middle name). We like Bennett and want to continue the tradition. Some options we like include:
Ezra Bennett [G]ates
Alden Bennett [G]ates
James Bennett [G]ates
OR Jim Bennett (I’ll explain this more)My husband and I both feel strongly about using a first name that honors my husband’s side too, particularly his grandpa. Now I’ll explain the dilemma. Grandpa’s name is Jimmy, goes by Jim. His name isn’t short for James or anything else—it’s literally just Jimmy/Jim!
Problem. I don’t like Jimmy as a stand alone. At all. Jimmy is out (as nickname it’s fine). We don’t like grandpa’s middle name either.
James isn’t my favorite of all names, but we appreciate it as a timeless classic. But it’s NOT grandpa’s name.
Jim is okay—I like its sound, its manliness—and it’s what grandpa goes by—and grandpa is an amazing man, worth naming after. But Jim isn’t a real full name, is it?
The options are, name our son James Bennett and nickname him Jim in honor.
OR, go all in and name him Jim Bennett [G]ates.Is it weird to just give him the name “Jim?” Is it insufficient as a given first name? I do like the ring of saying “Jim Bennett.”
On the other hand, is James Bennett the safer option? Would our son rather have James to fall back on one day? BUT, is James really even honoring grandpa, since his name isn’t James?? Only the nickname would be after him.
Or should we just forget it and do one of the other names we like paired with Bennett? I’m torn. Need some advice! Thank you!!
It sounds to me as if this is just one of those impossible situations: you would love to honor someone whose name unfortunately does not work for you as an honor name. The choices are: (1) Use the name anyway (i.e., go with Jimmy or Jim) or (2) Don’t use the name (i.e., go with another option from your list). The brain attempts to find a third option, but there is no third option. The two options can then be weighed on a scale: Which do you want more? Which is more important to you?
It is unfortunate that sometimes the people we would MOST love to honor with an honor name are the people who don’t have names we can use. Maybe it’s a name shared by another, problematic family member, or by an ex; maybe it’s a name that’s impossibly terrible with the surname; maybe it’s a name we hate; maybe we run out of children to name before we run out of names we feel a strong need to use; maybe the honor name only works on a girl/boy and we never have a girl/boy. Whatever the reason, this is a familiar situation to many of us: sometimes an honor name just doesn’t work out. Unless it is crucially, crucially important to honor this particular relative over all others, my opinion is that you should let this idea go. There are other ways to honor the people we love.
But if you were saying you LOVED the name Jim, and your only question was could you possibly use it as a given name, I would say sure! It’s not my own style or preference, and I personally wouldn’t want the hassle of a nickname name (“No, actually, it’s just Jen, it’s not short for Jennifer”), but people do it all the time; in fact, there are many parents who deliberately give children nickname names, saying they believe in naming the child what they’ll be called. So that’s what goes on the birth certificate: Charlie or Sam or Addie. And in your case it’s a family name, which makes it considerably easier: some people WILL assume it’s short for James, and then you’ll say “Oh, actually, it’s just Jim: it’s a family name!”
On the other hand, how new is your family’s Bennett tradition? Is there still room to reinterpret it? You could name him Bennett Jimmy or Bennett Jim. And since it sounds as if you’re using your husband’s family surname, this gives a better balance to the name; it’s still heavily weighted to your husband’s side, but it’s better than a first name from a first name on the father’s side, a middle name from a middle name on the mother’s side, and then a surname from the father’s side. But Bennett might be a little much with the surname.
Another option, since you’re planning to have more children, is to save the Jim/Jimmy decision for a future child, when you will not also be trying to use Bennett. If you have freedom of middle name, that gives you room to find a combination that transforms Jim/Jimmy into a completely desirable choice: e.g., maybe when you hear “Jim Ezra” you think “Wait, YES!!! Or maybe there’s another family name that would sound wonderful with Jimmy: you’ll be going through the family tree and you’ll think, “Jimmy _____!! YES!!”
But my own first choice would be to say, “Welp, we really, really wanted to name a child after Grandpa, and it would have been GREAT if we could have—but unfortunately we cannot make Grandpa’s name work for us,” and use another name instead.
Name update:
Swistle,
Thank you (and to all the commenters) for the great name advice! It definitely helped me to re-examine how I felt about our name options! You’ll probably laugh at where I landed after being so conflicted.
Our sweet Jimmy Bennett (G)ates has arrived!
I remembered some advice you gave to others about not restricting yourself so much when it came to names. I let go of whether a name was considered “real” or not. I wasn’t too concerned with balancing my husband’s side with mine—mainly because I have adopted his grandpa completely as my own, and therefore it wasn’t a matter of which side of the family he is on in this case. Grandpa Jim is as precious to me as if he had always been my own. (It’s also just unspoken between my husband and me that I have the last word in name choice. I had to truly be satisfied before the choice was made! Somehow, my opinion of Jimmy slowly changed, and it grew into love hahaha).
Grandpa Jim was so thrilled by the honor name that he was in tears—he was totally surprised. Sharing the news with him is now a dear memory.
We’re loving the name and confident that our little Jim will be happy with his name (and it’s many nn options) as he grows. Older brother Walter also approves. So far baby has been called Jim, Jimmy, Jimbo, Jim Bennett, etc., and it fits him perfectly!
Happy new year from Jim!
My opinion…
If you go jim it will probably end up Jimmy anyway.
I had an Alexander, to be called Alexander and I spent well over a year correcting everyone, that it was not Alex. Alex just turned 20. I’m the only one that calls him Alexander anymore and that happens to be very very rare.
So if you really dislike Jimmy, go with something else, it’s an uphill battle you can’t really fight.
Have you thought of Francis? Francis Bennett gates
Or Magnus Bennett Gates
I love both of those with Walter which btw two thumbs up on his name! So cute!
Sara, in a weird way, I’m kind of glad to hear you say that about your Alex(ander). My son is Benjamin, and we have always corrected people who call him Ben, his whole life. (Nothing wrong with Ben! I like Ben! It’s just … not my kid.) But people have always called him Ben, and I just recently heard him introduce himself as Ben for the first time in his life (he’s 12). It was a weird experience. I’ve always wondered if there are certain names that are just destined to get shortened, no matter how many times you correct them, to the point where I considered writing in to Swistle to ask her about it. I’d be interested to hear if that happens with other names, too!
You are so right about Jimmy haha. I know nn are often out of our control. Another comment mentioned that Walter and James have a ring, while Walt and Jimmy/Jim fit together. I did originally intend to call our older son Walt, and then everyone called him Walter and it just stuck! I was nervous choosing that name because I knew it might not be back in “style” yet (but that’s also what made it appealing to us). And “Walt” was my safety net (and an option for our son if he so chooses later on). But for now it turns out we didn’t need Walt because Walter fits so amazingly lol.
I feel like it’s the opposite with Jim. I actually have started to truly love Jim and even come around on Jimmy. I’d choose Jim over Jimmy, but I’m not so against Jimmy the way I was at first. I still truly enjoy the ring of Jim Bennett. All that to say, then, that “James” is my safety net—a beloved classic name that would give our son a future alternative if he so desired. (And I don’t hate James—I think my biggest count against it is just that it’s very common, and I try to avoid the most popular names and opt for names that are off the top 100 list). We’re still thinking on the whole thing, but it has been super fun reading the comments and all the good advice is so helpful!
If you’re going to call the kiddo Jim or Jimmy then it feels like an honor name to me, even if the name on the birth certificate is actually James. But then, I come from a naming tradition where even using the same first letter can be considered “honoring” in the context of naming, so YMMV.
James and Walter is a lovely sibset. Is Walter always called Walter or is he ever “Walt”? I feel like that could tip the scales, too. James and Walter, Jimmy and Walt. Or maybe the kiddo is going to end up being called “JB” regardless of whether the first name is Jim or Jimmy or James.
That said, it doesn’t sound like you love the name James. It’s ok to pass on the honor name (permanently or for now) in favor of a name you love.
My personal preference has always been to go with the longer, formal name for the birth certificate as it gives the child more flexibility to assert their own identity as they grow and become adults.
I had a friend in high school whose parents put “Abby” on her birth certificate. She told me she liked “Abby” fine but wished she had the option of going with “Abigail” if she wanted to. That stuck with me. One of my own kids goes strictly by the nickname “Remy” but he has a formal name on his birth certificate “Jeremy” so when he is an adult, he has options.
So… from my perspective, James Bennett is perfectly acceptable for the birth certificate. “We call him Jim/Jimmy after his grandpa.” is an adorable name story to share when introducing him.
My father-in-law is a James who goes solely by Jim. No one questions it at all. He is Jim even though his birth certificate says James. He was named in honor of his father.
Thank you for this perspective! I do have the concern of wanting to balance using a name we enjoy, honoring our grandpa, and also (and just as importantly) giving our son a legal name and given name or nickname that he is proud to have and will be okay with when he is an adult. So we’re still going back and forth between James, nickname Jim, and legally naming him Jim or Jimmy.
Oooh, I like the idea of giving him James legally but strictly calling him Jimmy. Walt and Jim/Jimmy – OMG that’s cute!!! I think I mentioned that I have a James but my Dad (Jim) calls him Jimmy. Because he was called Jimmy as a kid, and his sisters and parents all called him Jimmy and still do. So they all call my son Jimmy, too. I have never called him Jimmy, but I adore the nn now that I hear it used by my family, especially my Dad who is SO tickled that his first grandchild is named after him. I wouldn’t trade those feelings for ANYTHING. So I say, legally name him James, but call him Jimmy. They’ll LOVE it.
Walter and James, Walt and Jim. I’m dying.
One data point:
I have a brother with the legal name “Jim”. Occasionally he has to correct people that his name isn’t “James”, but otherwise it’s been a non-issue.
It does seem a little informal next to Walter, though, and you don’t seem super keen on it. So as an Internet stranger, I’m not a fan of it for you, even though I like the name!! But if that’s where you land, I think it’s fine to use Jim over James. :-)
Ultimately, naming a child is about naming a child. It’s okay not to honor a relative— this specific relative or any other. At the end of the day, all you need to do is come up with something you can reasonably expect your child would be okay with calling himself for the duration of his life. Everything else is just extra.
(I think sometimes that gets lost in these hard to resolve naming situations, so I wanted to say that as an uninvolved person.)
I wouldn’t use Jim because it sounds like you don’t really care for it as a full name. I think James, nn Jim or Jimmy would be enough of an honor name. But of the names on your list, I like Ezra best, both as a name and with the sibling name. Walter and Ezra just sound good together.
I personally do not like Jimmy or Jim, so I would go with another J name. Joseph, for example, I think goes nicely with Walter. I’m not sure if it is specifically a Jewish tradition, but about four Jewish friends of mine have selected names honoring a loved one using the first letter. Think Bella named for Barbara or Grayson named for Gary.
Also! I think Alden is a really lovely choice and goes spectacularly with Walter.
Yes, that’s a very common Jewish tradition. Not all Jewish communities but many. A big tradition split is naming for the dead (Ashkenazi) vs. naming for the living (Sephardi).
It’s common to the point that when you introduce your child in a Jewish setting, people often ask “Who are they named for?” And then you get to tell the story. It’s wonderful. Same for older kids, they will introduce themselves like “My name is Maya, I’m named for my mom’s bubbe Miriam.”
Walter and Alden are tricky for me to say together. Anyone else have this?
But Walter and Bennett sound AMAZING together! Bennett Jim “Gates”… nice!
Walt and Ben… Wally and Benny…
You are defining the tradition in this generation. That’s how traditions survive!
Congratulations on your new son!
Could you add a second middle name and then get the best of all worlds? Ezra Bennett Jim (G)ates? I say this as someone who has used two middle names for kids without any regret. Love Ezra. Both alone and with Walter.
Otherwise I like the idea of saving Jim for a future child, where you’re not already set on a middle tradition. That way you’ll have more strong honour names. If you keep going, I’m guessing the honour names may get harder to pin down. I LOVE the idea of a Jamesina or Jemima nn Jim.
And (G)ates is probably your husband’s name so he’s more than covered in any child name.
Good luck!
I have actually considered this! Because I am a name nerd and love names so much—how fun would it be to give him an extra! Haha. I actually love the sound of many names in between Jim and Bennett, like Jim Alden Bennett Gates. Or Jim Hudson Bennett Gates. Jim Ezra Bennett. Etc.
However, my husband is not keen on it at all. He asks if I’m compensating for not truly loving Jim. Maybe I was at first, but I also just love names and the idea of more of them. It’s neat to hear that you did this and have no regrets! All of the comments have such great advice.
How does grandpa feel about his name? Is he in the “James is *not* my name!” camp and really dislikes the name James after all the corrections he has had to do?
Is he in the “actually my name isn’t James” camp where he may or may not correct strangers or distant acquaintances, but it doesn’t really bother him. Does he wish he had been named James?
Was he named after a James, but his parents were part of the “name him what we are going to call him group”, or wanted his name to honor an uncle James who went by Jamie?
For me, anything apart from hating the name James would make me feel ok about using it.
You could ask him, or get a non-pregnant relative to ask, hypothetically, what he would think about a grandchild named James, nn Jimmy or Jamie or Jem or Jamesy (you know, give yourself some options). If he has passed on, you might ask some others at the next family gathering or next time you chat how they think he would have felt about it/what they think about it.
You have an absolutely great point. Grandpa Jim is alive and well! However, when I brought up the idea of an honor name, he didn’t hear what I said (he’s somewhat deaf). But his wife, Grandma did hear me. She advised me not to mention it to him unless we have decided to actually do the honor name. I asked her about “James with nickname Jim” and she said “that part is totally up to y’all.” My impression is that they enjoy that Grandpa is a Jimmy/Jim and not a James and would be tickled by us using that. I had assumed he was a James at first and Grandma quickly told me, his name is Jim for Jimmy, not James! They’re proud of it, I think.
But also, they’re so easygoing that I don’t think they’d be offended at all if we went the James route either!
I love Swistle’s idea of Bennett Jim! Sounds great, even with the last name, and you seem to like Bennett better than Jim.
And Walter and Bennett! What a great sibset!
This gets my vote, too!
I love James. It is sounds like you don’t and you need another J name
How about Jasper? Walter and Jasper Gates. Jasper Bennett… JB.
Walter and Ezra sound dissonant in my ear. One is vintage another a current band… Walter and Alan makes sense. B
How about Allen? Same sound but it looks more modern.
I also really.love.Alden. Very Alan adjacent.
Instead of Ezra. What about Everett or Emmet? Both seem similarly popular and perhaps a better fit with Walter.
But above all. Honor names don’t have to be exact. We named.a daughter after a loved one’s favorite flower…. because only those who truly love you know your favorite flower… There are many ways to honor.
Ok so I like a LOT of your options!! Just the other day I said to my husband, if we had a fourth, I think I’d name him Bennett, after my grandfather Ben (who was just a Ben!! And my cousin named his son just “Ben”, after him!), so I really love Bennett Jim (my Dad is Jim).
Then again, I love the name James. It’s my son’s name, after my Dad and his middle is my father in law’s name, so I’d advocate James in a flash. It turned out to be such a lovely name, very gentle and handsome and just wonderful with Walter!! Walt and Jim, or from Anne of Green Gables, Walt and Jem. We nn our James “Jam”, not on purpose but it started and we call him all kinds of nn that don’t make sense. I didn’t want Jamie, but Outlander has changed my mind, and funnily enough, not a single person has nn him that. My dad calls him Jimmy, and he’s long been called Jimmy Hank bc of his middle name which you might be able to guess. 😉
For some reason, I’m not loving Ezra with Walter, but it’s a great name (I have a special Ezra in my family). Alden is nice, but I ultimately love Bennett and James more. I like their period piece handsomeness with Walter.
One issue I didn’t address is whether or not your grandfather just HATES James, in which case, I’d choose Bennett Jim.
You can’t go wrong though!!
I’m dittoing the folks who mentioned the Jewish tradition of using just the first letter of the name of the person you are honoring. So if you prefer James to Jim, go ahead! But if not, skip it. Ezra Bennet is delightful.
Double names are pretty common in the South. If I named a baby Jim, I’d probably call him Jim Bennett, which I bet would be shortened to JB once he got to school. I’m a huge fan of using honor names! Definitely recommend asking the current Jim his thoughts…his response may surprise you! Best of luck.
A “James” has a very special place in my heart as he is a most wonderful, gentle and sophisticated man. If any son I might have turned out this way, I would be forever grateful.
That said, James Bennett/Jim Bennett reminds me of the Bourbon Jim Beam. If that’s a pro or con, you may decide.
I really like Alden Bennett Gates. Walter and Alden are a well matched sibling set. I also find it charming when names that SHOULDN’T work together do. With an internal rhyme, I would have imagined it would be clunky, but it isn’t. I like that Walter and Alden are fairly nn proof in the sense that people don’t default to a nn. I think that’s what I find jarring about Walter and Jim combo.
If it was my kid, I’d play with nicknames just to see if the fit. Combining Al and B from Bennett (or Gates), you could use Albie as a nn.