I have had this open on my desktop for six days already, and it is too time-sensitive for even that amount of procrastination/delay/thinking, so I am not going to wait any longer but am posting it now for the group to take a crack at it.
Dear Swistle,
I wrote to you earlier in the pregnancy, before we knew baby’s sex. I delivered a baby girl 11 days ago. She’s still without a name.
The name we brought to the hospital was Beatrice. It was the only name my husband, three children, and I agreed on. I could tell my husband wasn’t thrilled by its length (he prefers one and two syllable names), but he wasn’t objecting or putting out other suggestions, so Beatrice it was.
The day we went to the hospital, we brought The Baby Name Wizard to look through middle name options. Our teenaged daughter has been very involved in the naming process. She has put more time and effort into finding a name than my husband and I combined. She had put post-it notes with all the middle names we’d discussed in the book to help is out (so sweet!). One note – for the name Phoebe -was longer than the others, saying she knows I already vetoed it (it was my childhood cat’s name, it’s a close friend’s dog’s name, and I immediately think of Phoebe Buffay), but would I reconsider? She had just finished reading a book with a character named Phoebe who was really cool and shared the same interests as my daughter and I (thrift shopping, vintage anything, and reading).
When I came home, she had put post-it notes on every page of the book that mentioned Phoebe so I could easily find them. She’s the most easy-going kid and usually defers to others’ preferences. The fact that she was quietly pushing for the name Phoebe was out of character so we felt we should explore it, especially since she spent hours and hours looking up baby names and making lists.
It turns out all the kids preferred Phoebe, my husband did, too, AND The Baby Name wizard lists all 3 of our older kids’ names as sibling matches for Phoebe (E$mé & 0l1ver and in another section of the book, it has @bel and Phoebe in the same Bible name section).
It seems like Phoebe was meant to be. And yet…
I just don’t know if I can use it. I’ve gotten over the cat and dog thing. And the FRIENDS thing. I think that other famous Phoebes have since helped dilute that association. I’ve gotten over how it sounds a little goofy with our last name (it’s one syllable and begins with a “Bee” sound, like Bean).
But I’m still not sure. Fee-Bee. FEE-BEE. It’s not…pretty. I keep thinking of the FRIENDS episode with Christina Applegate (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LVS2O3ha8f0). It is quirky and has a long history of use, which I like. It has lots of literary references, which is great. And my family loves it, which makes me want to love it.
How do you choose between two names? Thoughts on Phoebe with the sibling set? How much naming power is it reasonable to give up children (teen, tween, and second grader)? If I had more say in choosing the other kids’ makes, should I just give this to my husband/family? (But using a name I’m not sold on for my child seems such a huge ask!). Using either name feels so unnatural and strange. At this point, I think I’ll mourn not using either one of them a bit.
[I have thought about your post on your regular blog several times since reading it. I, too, feel like I make things more complicated or difficult than they need to be. I wish I could just name a baby in utero, or choose a name “just because I like it”, or even just pick between two names right in front of me. I wish I weren’t waffling or stressing and that I was just enjoying my new, sweet baby fully, instead. But if it weren’t this, I’d be fretting about something else, I’m sure].
Thank you for reading,
Michelle
Name update:
Dear Swistle and Lovely Readers,
Thank you so much for your help in naming our fourth baby. I appreciate all the readers’ comments so much. Immediately comforting were the comments that suggested we temporarily shelf choosing a name to prioritize rest and to just enjoy our baby. We took the advice and it really helped relieve the pressure.
We named our sweet girl Ph0ebe M@ude. M@ude was a name that was on my husband, daughter, and my lists for middle names – independent of each other! – so it was easy to choose.
Reading all the feedback was so helpful, even if it wasn’t in favour of the name Ph0ebe or of letting children have a say in choosing their sibling’s name. Your readers’ different opinions on the matter helped me sort out how I feel. The commenters with daughters named Ph0ebe also helped tremendously. So far, almost everyone has expressed pleasant surprise at hearing her name, just as the parents of Ph0ebes described in their comments.
My husband and children are thrilled. How do I feel?
I love her name and I’m so happy my eldest suggested it! It feels like our baby just *is* a Ph0ebe to me now.
It’s quite an about-face, I know! I’m even surprised by how settled I feel about her name. Besides the comments mentioned above, here are some other things that helped:
– I had to stop holding the name up against all the names that, for various reasons, we couldn’t use (solid Swistle advice from other posts; I just had to actually apply it).
– As several commenters suggested, I thought differently about the crux of the matter. It wasn’t really about whether or not Ph0ebe was my all-time favourite name. It was about whether I was happy to let my family – my husband and eldest, in particular – have their all-time favourite name. It turns out, I was.
– I had to stop constantly repeating “FEEEE-BEEEE” in my head and under my breath. When I stopped focusing primarily on phonetics (and saying them in an unnatural and exaggerated way), I could think about how much I liked other things about the name: the story behind it, how much family loved it, the meaning, the way it looks on paper, that it’s bright and friendly-sounding, how it flows with our other children’s names, how it’s familiar but not overly popular, etc.
– Rereading page 11 of the Baby Name Wizard. There, under the heading “So close, but which one?” it says, “If at the end you genuinely love two names equally, here’s a potential tiebreaker: imagine your kindergartener asking how you chose her name. Is there one name you can spin a particularly compelling tale about? If so, then you’re getting an extra bonus with that name, a dose of personal history and meaning.” Choosing Ph0ebe gave us that bonus.
– Just committing! As some commenters said it would, once the name was settled, the relief at finally having chosen a name was immense.
Some silly/surprising/pleasant findings since making the name official:
– Discovering by chance that in Bert’s “Jolly Holiday” song in the 1964 Mary Poppins movie (one of my kids’ favourite movies when they were younger), he sings the phrase “…Phoebe’s delightful, Maude is disarming…”. Neat!
– Realizing that my eldest daughter and youngest son’s names each have 4 letters and my eldest son and youngest daughter’s names each have 6 letters. A silly detail, but cool to have happened unplanned.
– Some friends addressed cards to “Baby Ph0ebe”, which made my heart skip a beat.
– Just how happy and settled I feel in our choice. I love seeing her name in writing, on government documents, and especially on the cross-stitch my eldest has started making for her baby sister. I love telling people her name and hearing others address her. When people ask where we got the name from, I love telling them the story. Surprisingly, I felt more post-naming angst about some of our kids’ names that I suggested! And maybe that’s because for a type-A over-thinker, like me, who likes to always have a plan, it feels freeing to sometimes let go and to be open to letting life unfold. When I do, things often turn out better than I could have planned them.
Thanks again to all💛
Honestly I’d go with the name you like. Preferences change over time and your daughter might find she likes other names better in 10/20/30 years time. I firmly believe the parents get naming rights. In terms of the actual names, I like both Beatrice and Phoebe a lot so can’t help there :)
Awww I feel for you, this is tough! But also this is strange, because I saw the title of this post come up on my blog roll and immediately felt like it was going to be about Phoebe.
Phoebe is my daughter’s name!
My husband was originally against the name Phoebe because of the Friends connections, but then came around (actually insisting HE had come up with the name) after hearing a comment from someone, randomly and not related to our baby name search, that the name Phoebe was one of their favorite names. I’ll just share a bit about what my experience has been with the name and see if anything helps you :). My daughter is two and we live in NYC, btw!
My experience has been that almost every single stranger on the street who asks about my daughter’s name almost FREAKS OUT with a level of appreciation and joy at hearing it. People say it’s classic but fun, beautiful but zippy, what a GREAT NAME, they say! I literally do not go a week without hearing from total strangers about how much they love the name we picked.
I love all the things you mentioned: the history (did you know Saint Phoebe was the first female deaconess? I’m not catholic, but my mother-in-law is and that was unexpectedly meaningful to her — we didn’t share the name before she was born), the pop culture (Phoebe from Friends is an awesome role model, but also Phoebe Waller-Bridge is incredible! Phoebe Bridgers! And…I grew up a fan of Phoebe Halliwell iykyk). I’m very much NOT someone who usually wants a connection between things as serious as a name and pop culture, but I’ve found exactly zero negative Phoebes out there in the world. The name exudes happiness, creativity, originality, and adventure to me.
I’ve only been asked once if it was connected to Phoebe Buffay, and have been asked more times if we’re Greek (we’re not).
What I love most about it is everyone knows the name, but it’s still original. I think everyone is so delighted when they hear that Phoebe is her name because it’s unexpected (they’re waiting for me to say “Isabel” or “Eloise” in our neighborhood) but they still immediately know the name when I say it. The other names I was deeply considering were Imogen, Naomi, and Oona — all “prettier” names, I think, like you allude to. We tested it by yelling it out when we walked by playgrounds (“Phoebe! It’s time to go home!” “Imogen! It’s time to go home!” etc). Ultimately we went with Phoebe based on the fact that there’s no debate about pronunciation or spelling (it can be spelled wrong, but there aren’t alternatives). BeatriX is on my potential list if we have another! ha!
Unexpected bonus has been hearing toddlers say “Phoebe” — it was one of the first names they could all say at daycare because they could say “baby” and they pretty much called her “baby,” then “peebee,” and now “feeb.” Not important enough to name a kid around it, but it’s been a delight.
Ultimately, though, it’s your baby!
I think it’s so sweet that you’ve taken your teenager so seriously and want a name that your whole family is excited about, and it might be that you decide to “give” this to your teenager because it means so much to her and it’s a connection between your (presumably) oldest and youngest forever, but you also do not need to do that if you at all don’t WANT to. I’d recommend letting go of the idea that you’ll get as onboard with it as your daughter is, though, if you go with it. Do you like the name enough to “give” the naming to your teenager and see that as a special thing? Does that feel good for you to do, or does it feel…not great? Personally I’d look at it like giving it to your teen, vs to your family and everyone against you, because she’s the one who came up with the name. I don’t think it matters if your extended family or even your younger kids also like it at this point. I think it’s kind of become a you, your husband, and your teenager thing, and it’s up to you and your hubby to figure out if it feels right or not to have your teenager name your baby — that can be a beautiful thing, or it could not be quite right for you.
I actually can’t tell how much YOU love Beatrice or not. Do you love Beatrice, and just feel bad that your family doesn’t love it as much? The upside is “Bee” is a nickname for either :)
So, no straight answer for me, except to say that the experience of having a “Phoebe” for a daughter has been very fun and I’ve been able to feel very smugly joyful about my choice of name based on constant feedback :)
Aww Becca, thank you for sharing the story about the daycare toddlers pronouncing Phoebe. That’s adorable, it made me smile. 😍
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience with the name Phoebe, Becca!💛 It made me so happy to read it. It’s super comforting to know that the reaction has been overwhelming positive as others’ reactions to the name was part of my concern. (Particularly, FRIENDS jokes). How nice to have lovely comments about your choice … And for your Phoebe to hear those comments about her name. What a gift you’ve given her!
I would use Phoebe and have it grow on me. It will be a cute story and connection between sisters. Plus Beatrice has the same repetitive Bea- sound with your last name. I think it has prettier sound than Beatrice, I’m my opinion. I grew up watching Friends (and still do) but I think the association will be non existent in her generation.
This is always tough. Naming a human can feel so big. I will just give my opinion after a first read.
You don’t seem any more excited about Beatrice than Phoebe. But if I am reading that wrong, I think the two names go beautifully together. Admittedly it will be a lot of “Bee” sounds with the last name, but I don’t think that will be an issue.
Phoebe Beatrice “Bean”
Beatrice Phoebe “Bean”
I will say that we named my second son a name I was only so-so on… leaning towards not loving it. The sharp X ending, it didn’t flow like my older son’s name, just plain all of it. But knowing my husband loved it really won me over and now I love that connection between them.
Bonus, I have found a nickname I love. Is there a nickname you could derive from Phoebe that brings you joy? Maybe just Bee?
You’re right, Valentina! I’m not particularly excited about Beatrice. I like it enough and I think it’s a good, solid choice. But, before Beatrice, there were a lot of names suggested by my husband, daughter, and I that either my husband or I disliked.
I kept telling myself that it’s okay not to be as excited as I was about my first daughter’s name and that names are just a collection of sounds used to identify a human (thank you, Swistle, for posts in which you stated these perspectives in the past. I found them hugely comforting when no name seemed to be “it”).
“But knowing my husband loved it really won me over and now I love that connection between them.” < This is where I think I am. My husband is not very into name discussions and agreed to my suggested names for our first three children (he vetoed lots of names, but all the older kids' first and middle names were my suggestions). He just lit up when the name Phoebe was mentioned, which makes me happy.
I learned phoebe first as a bird name so I always think it sounds like birdsong. Phoebes are such a lovely little bird — they don’t migrate, they return to the same partner and nest site every year, they build little cup nests out of mud and line them with feathers and hay, they eat only food that they catch on the wing (insects, minnows), both males and females sing.
My niece is Phoebe, and I often call her Bird/Birdie as a nickname. Maybe a good nickname would improve OPs feelings about it?
I love this, Meigh! One of the reasons we liked Beatrice was the potential nn “Birdie”. So cool that it works for Phoebe, too!
Thank you for the lovely facts about Phoebe birds, Janeric! They sound so sweet.
For my first and last kids, I got the name I very much wanted. For the middle, the name came to us during delivery. I hadn’t loved it before but it popped out of my mouth. He’s now 5 and I while I can’t say I LOVE his name, it’s definitely his. And I love him. So it’s just kinda moot. I guess what I’m saying is maybe you’d grow to love her name or maybe you won’t. But if it feels right and not very wrong, I’d take this a sign that Phoebe is her name and go with it.
I think, at this point, you are not going to be completely convinced either way.
Will you get more joy from your choice (I was seeing more negatives about Phoebe than love for Beatrice) or from making your teen happy?
I have 2 boys and a girl. Only the 1st son has a name that I love. The second son has a name that ticks all the boxes on paper, but I just don’t feel it. We couldn’t think of anything else. My daughter has a name that I would never have chosen myself but my husband loved it for a girl for all three pregnancies, and it gave me joy to let him have the final say.
I suspect that in a couple of months you’ll wonder what all this was about, because she just *is* whichever name you choose, and you’ll love it because she is her.
“it gave me joy to let him have the final say.” > I feel that letting my husband and kids have a name they love will bring me a measure of joy, too. It’s comforting hearing from people who have chosen a name that wasn’t their top choice, but who are happy they did. Thank you!
I think you’re right about once the name is settled, I’ll wonder what the fuss was about!
“I think, at this point, you are not going to be completely convinced either way. I suspect that in a couple of months you’ll wonder what all this was about, because she just *is* whichever name you choose, and you’ll love it because she is her.”
I agree with Liz. Does it help to focus on which name gives you more joy, as opposed to which name has less negatives associated with it?
Would you use one as a middle? They’re a bit repetitive, but again, if t it brings you the joy of the connection to your oldest daughter, it won’t matter. Beatrice Phoebe Bean. Would she go by Beatrice, or Bea? Phoebe Beatrice Bean would probably not work if she goes by Fee or Feeb.
For what it’s worth, I prefer Beatrice (it’s one of my favorite names!), but they’re both lovely names and you really can’t go wrong.
I don’t think it’s about you giving your youngest the name Phoebe but rather giving your oldest the gift of naming her. Maybe that’s not something you want to do which is fine. But it could also be a very nice link between a little sister and a big sister (who will likely be out of the house sooner than later).
What if you buffered Phoebe with a second middle name?
That’s a much more positive way to think about it, Bee: Instead of thinking what I’d be giving up, to think about the gift I’m giving my husband and daughter.
I love your handle, btw. With either name, Bee is such a cute nickname.
My daughter is named Phoebe too! I have the same experience as the commenter above – when people hear that name they are almost always joyed to hear it! It’s just a name that makes people smile. My daughter loves it too, and it fits her personality perfectly – she’s one of those kids that just brings light with her wherever she goes.
So I say go with Phoebe!
PS – I’m currently re-watching Friends with (daughter) Phoebe and we’re both getting a kick out of (character) Phoebe!
Thank you, Jen! It’s so reassuring to hear from mothers Phoebes about their experiences with the name. 💛
I wouldn’t use it since you don’t like the phonetics. Like you have a gut negative reaction.
Also you already have the BEE sound in the first name. BEE (a trice) and PhoBEE is … not sure if that bothers you, but wanted to flag it.
My answer is use it for the middle and stick with Beatrice except you don’t seem to be in love with that one either? So I don’t think it matters. I think she’s Phoebe Beatrice or Beatrice Phoebe and you call her Bee/Bea as a nickname for both phoebe and Beatrice.
My thoughts exactly! Or Birdie is a nickname. Either one is sweet and I’m sure your daughter would still be thrilled to pick the middle name, if not the first.
I love Phoebe and Beatrice. Both names have the repetitive “be” sound when paired with your last name, but that doesn’t appear to be an issue. As others have suggested, I agree that either Phoebe Beatrice Bean or Beatrice Phoebe Bean would be a good choice.
Have you considered either Fiona or Ophelia? Both names have a similar sound to Phoebe and, when paired with Beatrice as a middle, easily lead to Phoebe as a nickname.
Fiona Beatrice Bean
Ophelia Beatrice Bean
Just in case Ophelia appeals, i love the sisters’ names in the Flavia de Luce books- Ophelia (Feely) and Daphne (Daffy). Totally along the lines of Beatrice AND Phoebe but without the repeating Be sound.
I like “Fee” or “Fifi” for Ophelia
I have a 12yo Phoebe in the PNW and whole-heartedly agree with you, Becca. I also get compliments on her name ALL the time. It’s been a decade-plus of name high-fives. :)
I hesitated a smidge because of Friends (I have the same first name as the actor who played Phoebe), but the Friends connection was mentioned to me literally once, by someone who loved the show. I had some other previous associations that I worried might bother me, but – my kid is Phoebe and that is my association now. :) The name means shining, brilliant, bright, it sounds smart and creative, and it has cool connections in nature, history, mythology, science, you name it. People of all ages are familiar with it.
Becca, another toddler pronunciation I loooooved hearing was “wee-bee!” :) And a woman at the grocery store who misheard me and said, “Fifi! You don’t usually hear that name on a baby!” I didn’t correct her because I loved the thought of her telling someone she met a baby named Fifi. Talk about naming a baby after a pet! :) ALSO!! The Phoebe and Her Unicorn book series! Yet another wonderful Phoebe.ac Kiddo loves her name too.
Best of luck with your choice! Beatrice is lovely too (and both are great with the other kids’ names), just wanted to share my positive report as a parent of a fantastic Phoebe. :) Please update us, and enjoy that sweet baby!
I wrote this above for Ophelia, but “Feebs” “Fee” or “Fifi” could work for Phoebe and all three are adorable.
But Bea or Trixie are also so cute for Beatrice!
It’s so reassuring to hear from parents of Phoebes. Thank you for sharing your positive experience with the name, Lisa!
I think I’d use Phoebe, that story about your daughter is adorable and I love the bond of it. All my kids are close in age so I find an older sibling like that charming. Best of luck and congratulations
Would you consider Daphne? I tend to think of them as similar names but I find it less quirky and more delicate.
I vote Phoebe. I prefer the name Beatrice as well, but still find Phoebe to be cute. I only know of one Phoebe in real life—she’s probably about ten now—and I was DELIGHTED when I heard her name announced. It really did give me a little, “ooh, PHOEBE!” feeling, which is rare. I feel like even names like Beatrice feel kind of vintage-trendy, whereas Phoebe has that rare quality of being familiar yet uncommon.
My grandma let my dad’s big sisters name him. Like she gave them full naming rights. They were ten, twelve, and seventeen at the time. (He was the last of seven, a surprise, they were old, and I think just over naming babies, haha.) The girls chose THE most common name of the decade…he was one of like a zillion of his name. Lol. Your daughter did better than them!
I think what’s hard about it is you are being asked to use a name you just NEVER thought you would use….naming a kid is a big deal and so it’s a big jump to use a name that you weren’t inclined to use ever. I personally think Phoebe fits much better with the sibling names and that is important to me when naming my kids. If that’s any help! It is a hard situation plus the hormones you’re dealing with make it even harder!
Yes, that’s it exactly. I had months to ponder whether the alliterative Beatrice Bean bothered me or if it was a deal breaker that its spelled “beat rice”. Silly things, but things you want to think about it advance. But Phoebe was such a late-comer! And the hormones certainly don’t help, like you said!
I also think there is a greater likelihood of Beatrice turning into “Bee” as a regular name/nickname and having to say your name is Bee and then last name is actually Bean doesn’t sound like a great fit. Phoebe however could remain Phoebe and Phoebe Bean sounds better than Bee Bean.
The idea of the oldest daughter naming your youngest seems sweet but I can’t help ponder how some siblings aren’t close as adults and wonder why one sibling should have that distinct privilege over others.
I’m only speaking for myself but I feel that a child’s name is a parent’s responsibility and a parent’s gift to give. I don’t think it’s so much the name that matters but the name story. “I chose this name for you” says more to me than “Your sibling chose this name for you.” That’s not to say siblings aren’t important, they are, but when it comes down to the decision, parents come first. That’s how I feel personally, others may of course feel differently.
Reading your letter, your feelings toward each name seem so conflicted, I want to say neither. Is it even a slight possibility to look back on your earlier list with your husband and see if something catches your eye when it’s just the two of you. Including all of your children’s opinions seems like unnecessary complication at this point.
For what it’s worth, my husband and I took five days to name our son. We were also between two names, both late additions to our list . I wouldn’t have chosen either name on my own but I feel really satisfied having chosen his name together.
Thanks for your input, Kathleen. It’s nice to hear that you wouldn’t have chosen your son’s name on your own, but that you feel satisfied for having chosen a name you and your husband both like.
I agree that it’s the parents’ responsibility to name their child. If my husband didn’t also love the name Phoebe, that would have put the name to rest for me.
You don’t seem too thrilled about either name so I think it may be best to scratch both names and see what else you can find. What other sibling names does the Baby Name Wizard book suggest for Phoebe or Beatrice? Maybe there is some overlap there. Maybe use Phoebe in the middle spot so your daughter still gets an opportunity to use Phoebe?
Instead of Phoebe what about Zoe or Daphne?
Bianca instead of Beatrice?
I noticed all your other kids names start with a vowel so maybe an I name would be a nice way to tie all their names together. Isolde, Ivy (which can symbolize the 4th born, IV!), Isla, Ingrid…
I personally really like Ivy for you. 2 syllables ending in the long ee sound like Phoebe, starts with a vowel like your other kids, symbolizes the 4th born, has its own initial and ending sound. Ivy, E$me, Ol!ver, and Ab3l sound so lovely together!
LOVE this!!!
So funny, A… These are all names I like! I have suggested Ivy every pregnancy, but my husband has an old family friend but that name and feels weird as he wouldn’t want to make a child after her (I love the IV/fourth child thing… So clever! I wish we could use it!).
We know too many little Islas and my boss is Ingrid. But all great names! Thank you.
*NAME a child after her…
Beatrice Ivy flows well and would be really cool, if your husband could agree to Ivy in the middle spot. Doesn’t work so well as a middle name for Phoebe though.
11 days postpartum is an exhausting time. Can you give yourself a break of a few days of not thinking about a name and then re-visit it?
Beatrice and Phoebe are both lovely names. If neither one is clicking for various reasons I also love the suggestions of Daphne as a pretty name with similar sound; or an “F” name like Fiona with Beatrice in the middle giving you a Phoebe nickname; or Phoebe in the middle if you want the connection to your older daughter but don’t want it for day to day use.
You can’t go wrong!
I agree. You must be exhausted!! Give yourself some time. Where I am you get 30 days I think to name the baby. I’ll throw some out there (some have already been said):
Ophelia
Daphne
Dahlia
Celeste
Ivy
Claire
Clara
Lena
Helena
Harriet
Eva
Matilda
Sadie
Louisa
Flora
Laurel
Viola
Vivienne
Georgia
Alexandria
Pippa
Layla
Lila
Emmeline (line like fine)
Maude
My favourite with your sibset:
Louisa
Eva
Ivy
Viola
Emmeline
These are lovely name suggestions, CaitMore… Thank you! So funny you have Maude on your list, as we think we’ve settled on it as a middle name, provided it works with the first name.
Thanks for responding, Michelle!! I snuck Maude in because it’s my daughter’s name lol. People react wonderfully to it and we call her Maudie! It’s a GREAT middle name!!
Beatrice Maude
Phoebe Maude
Lovely!!
I know everyone is talking up Phoebe, but I’ll throw my hat in the ring for Beatrice – it’s classic and beautiful and most importantly, you love it. Unless I read it wrong and you don’t love it anymore. In which case, Phoebe is fantastic. You can’t go wrong!! I too had a post-partum panic over a name, and it’s not fun. Go easy on yourself and take Swistle’s advice about not always loving a name at first.
Oh you’re kidding! It’s a great name and one you rarely hear.
Shot in the dark, but what about:
Fiona Beatrice (nn “Fi-Bea” Phoebe)
Beatrice Phoebe or Phoebe Beatrice “Bean” is way too much “Bee” for my ears, unfortunately.
I love this suggestion! We have a friend and close neighbour named Fiona, but it’s a lovely name.
Too much “B” for my ears, too, Stephanie!
I love your suggestion to get FeeBee as a nickname.
I love Fiona, but we have a friend and a close neighbour named Fiona. The older we get, it seems the name pool gets smaller as we know so many adults and children with lovely names : /
Just a quick note that if we avoid most or all of the names that may duplicate a boss/friend/neighbour/pet/niece etc we shrink the pool to impossible levels. I think these associations very quickly dilute and very few people think (except those in your most inner circle) that a baby with THEIR name is necessarily named after them. Anyone with any social grace and awareness doesn’t ever ASSUME that a baby is named after them!
Our daughter has a slightly unusual name that happens to be the same as someone who was in my friend circle at the time she was born. She didn’t think we named the baby after her and now we live an ocean apart and aren’t in touch (just due to distance/time – no falling out). I love our daughter’s name and I’m so glad I didn’t let the fact that it was the same one as a friend dissuade us from using it.
Good luck. I don’t think you can go wrong with the options you have. Be so gentle with yourself and please update us once your beautiful baby is named!
Thank you, Elizabeth! I had to read so many Swistle posts to convince myself that names aren’t single-use items. I’m glad that I’m even able to consider Phoebe as it was my cat’s name and is the name of a friend’s dog. It’s tough, though, to go for it.
I’m so glad you shared your experience with your daughter’s name. It’s a good reminder that people move and things change, but a child’s name is pretty permanent.
I think I like this suggestion best! Fiona Beatrice B., Fee-Bee -> Phoebe as a possible nickname (and Fee, and why not Birdie too, based on Beatrice). Gives you lots of options, and it’s a bit less heavy and alliterative with the last name than Phoebe/Beatrice in the first spot.
And I personally wouldn’t fret about knowing someone called Fiona, these things happen!
If you don’t love the names Beatrice or Phoebe, maybe start fresh with some new choices. Here are some ideas:
– Chloe
– Daphne
– Zoe(y)
– Maeve
– Madelyn/Madeline
– Sophie
– Fiona
– Hallie
– Violet
– Sadie
– Ivy
– Etta
– Cleo
– Noa
– Isla
– Genevieve
– Lucy
– Eleanor (lots of nickname options: Ellie, Ella, Nora, Norie, Lenni)
I will mention one of our girls has a name I LOVE and the other has a name that I was lukewarm about. Sometimes it’s just hard to name a second girl or second boy because you already used your top choice on the first one, you know?
Thank you for the lovely name suggestions, Cupcakes. I appreciate the help! Yes, naming a first of either sex is so much easier than finding sibling names!
Oh! I thought of one more.
Penelope (Penny)
I think at this point, you just aren’t going to love any name you read in a baby book. With that in mind, I think if your daughter loves it, and the rest of your family likes it, it won’t end up feeling like the wrong choice.
And it’s a nice story, too. She’d always have that connection to her much older sister.
At some point (as with all babies) you just have to pick something. Most of the time it works out just fine.
Thank you, K. I DO just have to pick something. I’m definitely overthinking this (as I do most everything).
Thank you, Swistle, for posting my query. I appreciate it so much and already feel lighter and less stressed for having gotten so many thoughtful points of view and suggestions. Plus, permission from one commenter to take the full 30 days! So many people in our lives are horrified that we haven’t announced a name yet.
It’s SO nice to test out a name in the real world, especially when those who are chiming in aren’t friends or family, so the feedback doesn’t feel emotionally fraught. Plus, your readers are all tactful, unlike some of our family/friends. ; )
Just wanted to say that I love that Michelle is responding to so many comments! I feel so invested in this one now haha! (And to add my opinion – you can’t make a wrong decision here, Michelle! Your other kiddos have beautiful names so you are clearly doing something right! Both of your contenders are lovely – and so are the other names suggested here in the comments.) :)
Thank you, Maureen💛
Yes – thanks for all the responses and interactions!
I vastly prefer Beatrice to Phoebe.
Phoebe Bean not ideal, but Bea Bean isn’t any better. Maybe Tris instead of Bea but there is always the risk she will get called Bea.
Delphine? Philipa? Celeste?
Beatrice Phoebe.
If you can’t convince your husband on Ivy, would you like Iris?
She could be Iris Phoebe Bean.
This is a very sweet story. I think the name Phoebe is quite beautiful, in fact! Does it help to know that L. Frank Baum, author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, wrote a book about a girl detective called Phoebe Daring?
Thank you, Dr. Awkward. That is a selling point for Phoebe!
I know I’m in the minority, but I’ve never been a fan of Beatrice. The one I know IRL goes by Betty, which I do think is cute. But overall it’s just not my favorite name, and I don’t love it with your last name.
I love Phoebe. I think it’s darling, and I would personally love the naming story involving your oldest daughter.
Dahlia
Alice
Cecily
Cleo
Willa
Linnea
Stella
Lydia
Ada
Lucy
Bernadette (if you want to keep the Birdy nickname option available)
Any of these might work with Phoebe or Maude as a middle name. They all seem to work well with your sibset, and won’t have the repeating Bee sound of Phoebe Bean or Beatrice Bean (lovely in itself, but less so if she gets nicknamed Bea Bean).
I don’t have anything to say except I wish I could hug you right now. I’ve named two babies after birthing them, and gosh the hormones make it so much harder. With my second I was in turmoil over his name for the first 4 months (probably PPA retrospectively), his first name is my pick and probably my favorite of the names we picked, I was just being weird about his first+middle in illogical way.
I don’t have any perspectives on the names except to say my dad had a dog named Abbey and then a goat named Abbey and FINALLY, FINALLY a 4th daughter named Abbey and I LOATHED the name as a big 12-year-old sister (and I called her her first name for a year) until my mom took me aside and asked me to please call her Abbey like the rest of the family because it was such a special name to my dad. Now I associate the name so firmly with her and she’s one of my favorite people.
I don’t know if I would let a child name a baby, because the naming story is so important to me, and I wouldn’t want the baby to feel like “Mommy and daddy picked special named for everyone and then delegated my naming out” but in this case it feels like your husband AND your kids are Team Phoebe, That could be a special naming story for your tiny girl, and I can imagine your eldest’s pride at telling people about her baby sister and her special name and it’s making me feel all warm and fuzzy.
I hope you come to a conclusion that makes everyone happy. I’m rooting for you guys. Please update us! (In months when her name has some wash wear on it and your feelings about her name have been sorted).
Love this!!
I’m trying to put myself in your shoes and it would be SO hard bc you have this easy name with a great story (your daughter picked it out!!) etc….. But I secretly feel like the most important person, who birthed this baby and carried her and it might be the last (not wanting to assume) – I think it’s just as great a story if it’s YOU who loved the name and picked it. Even if that name might be different than Phoebe. Just throwing that out there. Because I do have some name regret where I was being a people pleaser. And since then I always tell women to prioritize themselves and what THEY want, especially if the baby gets Dad’s last name etc. We carry that baby around and labour and deliver – we deserve a name we love. Ok. End rant. Lol
Thank you so much, CaitMore. I appreciate all your help. 💛
I agree! My wish is for all in our household to at least like the name, but I definitely feel I should get a little more say after all the hard work of pregnancy, labour, and the postpartum period! I chose our other three kids’ names – first and middle. My husband vetoed plenty of names each pregnancy. But, ultimately, our kids wear six names combined that I suggested. With our third baby, I’d chosen the first and middle I wanted early in the pregnancy and he acquiesced, despite having a name he also loved. So that makes me want to get on board with this name he loves so much. (Especially since I like the name Phoebe. I just don’t know if I like it for my baby/with the sibling set/with our last name). He’s also a wonderful man, all around, he’s my best friend, and he majorly picked up the slack and took excellent care of all of us when I was incapacitated for weeks and weeks because this pregnancy was challenging.
If we can’t all be excited about the name, then I’d like my husband and I to love it equally. But that doesn’t seem to be possible. And I don’t really feel excited about ANY names this time around. So, I’ve been thinking maybe it’s best for the majority to be excited about her name, if I can’t feel that way.
I’m glad you brought that up, though, about the one carrying and delivering the baby putting in so much sweat equity. We should get more say!
Michelle, I’m so glad that you had so much control over the first three in terms of naming, that’s awesome!!! I wish I had done that. It sounds like you have a wonderful family and husband so you really can’t go wrong with this name. It’s going to be an amazing baby regardless of what her name is. Good luck and thanks for all the feedback – you’ve been the best at writing back to us, it’s been so helpful and fun!! Whatever you choose, your new little one will so cute and loved. Please do give us an update!!
One last reply, I can’t believe I didn’t say this before, but I think your sibset has amazing names. LOVE them all!!
Thank you, CaitMore. You’ve been so very kind (to an internet stranger!). I’m so grateful to everyone who helped out.💛
😊😊😊🤗🤗🤗. Take good care, Michelle, and thank you for talking to us!
Thank you, Sarah Bee💛. It’s nice hearing from someone who named their babies after they were born. It IS so much more difficult after giving birth when you’re recovering and hormonal and tired and acclimating to life with a newborn! It’s no wonder the Baby Name Wizard doesn’t recommend it!
I appreciated your story about your sister Abbey! Sometimes we (somewhat foolishly) use a great human name on an animal and then regret it. I love that your parents just went for it. (And I love hearing that your sister, though 12 years your junior, is one of your favourite people. So sweet😍).
Yes, you’re right. My husband and children all lit up at Phoebe (separately, too!) and admitted reluctantly that they didn’t love Beatrice. I don’t love it either. But I think it’s a good, solid name that fit our criteria. And none of us disliked it.
Thanks for your encouragement and support! I will absolutely send an update. I think it’s a good idea to wait until we’ve lived with the final choice a while. Though, if Swistle wouldn’t mind having to read another email from me, I’d be happy to send an immediate update and one a couple months from now to share if the name feels right.
* Just wanted to make sure that it was clear that I’m in that group of people who used a great human name on an animal, then regretted it. I’ve had pets named Phoebe, Greta, & Rufus. So I wasn’t criticizing your parents! Just commiserating the conundrum they found themselves in with the name Abbey and admiring them for not letting previous pets with the name hold them back from using a name they love.
It sounds like you’re not keen on either name. I think you should work to find a one or two syllable name that you both like and use Phoebe as the middle. (Unless you’re just done with naming, in which case I would just use Phoebe because it more meaningful to your family than Beatrice. But I wouldn’t settle until you’ve really hit that wall.)
That’s sounds advice. Thank you, Trudee!
* Just wanted to make sure that it was clear that I’m in that group of people who used a great human name on an animal, then regretted it. I’ve had pets named Phoebe, Greta, & Rufus. So I wasn’t criticizing your parents! Just commiserating the conundrum they found themselves in with the name Abbey and admiring them for not letting previous pets with the name hold them back from using a name they love.
I’m 15 years older than my one and only sister, and I got to name her in the same way you’d be talking about here (I suggested the name and my parents had veto power if it was something they didn’t like). We all love telling the story of how she got her name–she and I are super close now and I think it’s a special connection.
I think both the names are lovely and work great with the sibling names and you’ll be fine with whatever you choose. But I just wanted to add to a vote to how collaboratively choosing a name–especially for the baby in the family–can bring everyone together in sweet ways.
Thank you for chiming in and for sharing your experience, Kinsey! That’s so sweet.🥹 I love hearing from siblings with a large age gap who are close.
So I didn’t see a lot about the middle name. Maybe I missed this in the original letter. I have posted this before but I think sometimes putting a great middle brings more love to the first name.
Phoebe Saraphina Bean
Phoebe Michelle Bean
Phoebe Estelle Bean
Phoebe Katherine Bean
Phoebe Oona Bean
Phoebe Noa Bean
Phoebe James Bean
Phoebe Larkin Bean
Phoebe Lyonne Bean
I had a similar issue with my daughter but once I found the middle name I loved the entire name.
Phoebe Pearl Bean
I realize I’m probably too late to chime in meaningfully, but I had another workaround coming in from left field –
Sophie Beatrice (there’s still a “phoebe” sound in there!)
Hope you’re getting some rest and good cuddles <3
That’s such a good idea!
I hope OP updates us. :)
Does this baby have a name yet?
What a lovely update! Thank you for sharing your story and this sweet picture!!
I’m happy to hear it worked out so well for you! That photo is precious.
Michelle, if you read this, you were one of the best write-ins we’ve had! You answered our posts and were very kind and comfortable chatting with us. And Phoebe Maude!!!!! Amazing 🤩. Love it, and love that YOU love it. Added points bc I’m biased – her middle name is PERFECT. 😉
Thank you for the update and beautiful picture. Enjoy these early days with Phoebe. ❤️
Thank you, CaitMore.💛 We’ve received such positive feedback for Maude, too!
I’m so grateful to you all for helping. Swistle has created such an exceptionally nice corner of the internet.
Agreed wholeheartedly 😊!! Good luck with little Phee…Fifi…Phoebs…. Awesome name on its own and as a nickname. And a wonderful story behind it! I’ll stop – it just excites me when a name is so awesome lol. Take good care. 🥳
LOVE this update! Thank you for sharing! <3
Thank you for this update, it was a joy to read. Enjoy your sweet baby Phoebe ❤️
Phoebe Maude is a lovely name. Congratulations to all for a name well-chosen!