Hi Swistle!

You and your readers helped us name our son in 2017 {Baby Boy Sepas – Brother to Evelyn}.

After 3 years of fertility struggles, 2 miscarriages, and 5 failed rounds of fertility treatments, I am due this Fall with the sweetest surprise! I find it odd that I’ve been trying for 3 years for this babe, yet am struggling so much to find a name for him or her! We are not finding out the gender.

My name is Bridgett, my husband is Evan, and we have two children – Evelyn Claire and Luke Thomas. Our last name is Sepas with a silent T in the front, pronounced See-pas.

I am finding that I am drawn to surnames as first names this time. In my mind, I have decided on a name if it’s a boy – Baker Lawrence. Lawrence was my beloved Grandpa’s name. I just can’t fully commit because I don’t know if it goes with the sibling names, and it’s definitely more unique than the sibling names. Other names we like are Reid, Baylor, Wade, and Rowan. Rowan is still my favorite name (it was my favorite when my son was born 5 years ago as well), but we have since had a close family member use a very similar name, so I don’t know that I want to use it now. I also love other surnames like Hayes, Brooks, or Davis, but don’t like the ending “s” with the starting “s” of our last name.

My real struggle comes with names for a girl. I am drawn to surnames for a girl too, but so many that I like also end in “s” – Ellis, Collins, Hollis – and it just doesn’t flow with the last name. Our short list includes Harper, Emelia, and Hallie. We will use Wren as a middle name for a girl – taken from the middle of Lawrence – to still honor my Grandpa. Any other girl suggestions that are in my style? Or maybe this style doesn’t go at all with the siblings and I need to figure out my actual style?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for considering!

Something I think you’ve got going for you here is that Evelyn and Luke are already adjacent/compatible styles rather than a matched style. This gives you more room to add a third adjacent style, without it being as surprising a style shift as it would be if you had two of the same style and then changed course.

Baker is quite a different style from Luke; the matched K-sound helps to bring them a little closer together, I think, but you’re right that it’s a bit of a jump, and Baker Sepas feels a little awkward. But I further think that by the time parents get to the third child, no one can blame them for branching out a little. And since Luke was a family name, that gives an easy explanation for why you might change styles. Not that you have to explain yourself. I’m just working through it for you the way I have to work through it for myself: i.e., imagining I have been called before The Naming Board and must justify my decision.

My own vote from the boy name list is Reid. Evelyn, Luke, and Reid.

For a girl name, I think the style shift is more readily accommodated because the name Evelyn used to be a prep-school boy name. Sure, NOW it’s used almost exclusively for girls and doesn’t feel particularly preppy—but our multigenerational hive mind can still tap into that old feeling where Ashley and Evelyn were chums at their all-male boarding school. Here are some surname names (or surname-sounding names) I think might work in the sibling group and with the surname:

Ainsley; Ainsley Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Ainsley
Aubrey; Aubrey Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Aubrey
Brennan; Brennan Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Brennan
Darby; Darby Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Darby
Darcy; Darcy Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Darcy
Delaney; Delaney Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Delaney
Hadley; Hadley Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Hadley (similar in sound to Hallie)
Hillary; Hillary Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Hillary (I know it’s too soon but it’s so perfect)
Holland; Holland Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Holland (similar to Hollis but no -s)
Kerrigan; Kerrigan Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Kerrigan
Lane; Lane Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Lane (maybe too much)
Leighton; Leighton Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Leighton
Linden; Linden Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Linden (maybe too much)
Mallory; Mallory Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Mallory
Meredith; Meredith Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Meredith
Merritt; Merritt Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Merritt
Sloane; Sloane Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Sloane
Winslow; Winslow Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Winslow

I wanted to suggest Ellison (Ellis but doesn’t end in -s!) but it seems too close to Evelyn.

Or I am interested in your willingness to change Lawrence to Wren to honor your grandfather, and I wonder if Florence (Lawrence-with-an-F) would also feel like an honor name? If so, this sibling set makes me want to faint with love: Evelyn, Luke, and Florence. Granted, Florence Sepas requires some effort to say, and I agree it’s not ideal—but FLORENCE.

Or of course there is the name Lauren, which is even more obvious a connection. Lauren Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Lauren. I remember there was a fairly famous (that is, I know about it despite not watching soap operas) “Luke and Laura” plot on a soap opera in the 1980s, and it went on for years; I don’t know if that’s something that needs to interfere with names for this current generation of babies, but it’s nice to consider such things ahead of time rather than afterward. Lauren could still work as a middle name.

Or I think Lawrence makes a nice middle name for a girl, if Wren doesn’t end up working with the first name you like best. It’s so close to Lauren and Florence, and the current generation of boys doesn’t seem to be using it much.

More options that came to mind even though they’re nothing like what you said you were looking for:

Claire; Claire Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Claire
Claudia; Claudia Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Claudia
Fiona; Fiona Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Fiona
Harriet; Harriet Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Harriet
Hazel; Hazel Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Hazel (similar in sound to Hayes)
Lydia; Lydia Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Lydia
Margo; Margo Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Margo
Pearl; Pearl Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Pearl
Polly; Polly Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Polly
Rosemary; Rosemary Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Rosemary
Veronica; Veronica Sepas; Evelyn, Luke, and Veronica

My partner and I can’t agree on any names for our identical twin boys due in early October.

Last name is Boulerice.

We have 1 son who’s named Declan John Robert.

He likes scottish / Norse names – some examples include Ayrton, Barron, Calder & Soren.

I like celtic/ Scottish / Welsh names – some examples include Lowen, Griffin, Malcolm, & Tristan.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

I feel optimistic about this: your styles are so adjacent/overlapping, it feels FATED for success. And you need TWO names, so maybe BOTH of you will get your favorite!

But oh, goodness, I remember how difficult it was to name twins! I’d thought it would be DELIGHTFUL, and then it was so DIFFICULT! What I finally had to do was pretend I was naming them one at a time: pretend I was pregnant with one baby, and what would I name this one? and then pretend it is like two or three years later and I am pregnant again with one baby, and what would I name this one?

And yet it’s impossible to ignore the fact that they WILL be born together, and their names WILL be considered together! (And in my experience, people lovvvvvvvvvve to hear twin names.) So I ended up with two “separate” lists (pretending they were born separately) plus a “twin” list (pairing up all the names from the other lists). My dear hope was that I could find SOMETHING twinny about the names: not the Sharon/Karen or Timmy/Tommy thing from generations ago, but maybe just the same number of syllables/letters, or maybe starting with the same letter, or maybe a similar sound. I failed in that goal (I liked my favorites too much to trade them for something twinnier), and it’s absolutely fine but I do still wish I’d succeeded in finding something a LITTLE twinny! (Their middle names do start with the same letter, which scratches the very edge of that itch.)

Commenters brought it to my attention recently that Norse names are currently favored by white supremacists, not just casually/coincidentally but in a This Is Part of Our Mission kind of way, so what I suggest is that we leave those out for the time being until we find out if those names are going to feel regrettable later on. Of course I don’t mean I think parents CAN’T use them, and of course many names belong to multiple cultures, and of course one such name in a sibling group of non-Nordic names will not make it seem as if you are Trying To Promote White Supremacy. But just in situations where there isn’t a strong reason to use one of those names, I’m suggesting maybe we put them aside for now and see how things go. And in this particular case, your overlap is Scottish names, so that seems like the first area to explore anyway.

I need to say at the outset that I am not generally clear on which names are Scottish and which are, say, Irish, or Celtic. I have them all mixed together in my mind, as well as in many of my baby-name reference books. This may lead me to suggest a name that is RIDICULOUS, and please do tell me gently in the comments section so I can remove it and pretend I didn’t suggest it.

I’m going to start with The Oxford Dictionary of First Names, because it has a specific section for Scottish names.

Aidan

Okay, wait, time out: on this list is Ailbeart, which it says is the Gaelic equivalent of Albert. Would Albert then fall into the category of Scottish names, or is it completely unScottishized by the conversion? Because I am very keen on the name Albert, and would like to see it come back into style, but I want to save my pushiness for the posts where I have a chance. All right, let’s start again:

Aidan
Alasdair
Alec
Angus
Archie
Calum
Cameron
Conall
Douglas
Evander
Ewan, or does it have to be Eóghan to be Scottish?
Fergus, or does it have to be Fearghas?
Findlay
Finlay
Fraser
Gregor
Ian
Lachlan (probably not with Declan)
Logan
Lyall/Lyle
Malcolm
Murray
Neil
Niall
Reid
Roderick
Rory
Ross
Shaw
Teague, or does it etc.

And now a list from The Baby Name Wizard‘s Celtic section:

Aidan
Alastair
Alec
Angus
Bowen
Brennan
Broderick
Brodie
Brogan
Callan
Callum
Camden
Casey
Conall
Connor
Cormac
Cullen
Darby
Desmond
Douglas
Ellis
Evander
Ewan
Fergus
Finian
Finlay
Finn
Finnegan
Flynn
Garrett
Graham
Gregor
Griffin
Ian
Keane
Keegan
Kellan
Kian
Kieran
Lachlan (probably not with Declan)
Logan
Lowen
Lyle
Malcolm
Morgan
Murphy
Neil
Niall
Owen
Quinn
Reid
Rhys
Rory
Rowan
Shaw
Sullivan
Teague
Tiernan

Would anyone like to have some fun coming up with pairings? This is your moment!

I wonder if it would help to go through these lists, or the Scottish/Celtic section of a name book or website, and each of you write down all the names you are willing to even consider (like, any name you don’t actively dislike); then put those names on little slips of paper and spread them out all over a table and start pairing them up. Sometimes a name you’re just sort of okay with can change into a name you LOVE as you start experimenting with it. Or it can go the other way: you can have a name you think you want to use, and then when you start actually trying it out, it fails to please.

More things to experiment with: Do you find you like names that have something in common, like a shared first initial or shared number of syllables or shared sound, or do you find you are more inclined to find names that are quite different? (My twins were fraternal girl/boy twins; I might have felt differently about the twinniness of names if I’d had identical twins.) Do you find your lists are ranked oppositely: that is, your favorites are on his list but way down at the bottom, and his favorites are on your list but way down at the bottom? Is there any joint happiness in the middle of the list, or would you perhaps prefer the method of a friend of mine who had an opposite-ranking issue with her husband: they ended up each choosing one name (the name had to be on the other parent’s list, but it could be way down at the bottom), and in time she said they both came to love both names. There is also some work to be done with middle names: perhaps one parent would come closer to the other parent’s favorite if they could choose the middle name.

Do you find as you makes lists and pairings that actually you are not feeling the Scottish names? It might be necessary to go one level back, and start again with the entire pool of names. Maybe it will turn out that you liked Scottish names for your FIRST baby, but now you want something else.

I have also found it useful, when feeling very stuck on a baby’s name, to think to myself that it is not actually important that we both love the name. What’s important is that we give the baby a serviceable name they can use throughout their life, and I always felt confident we could achieve THAT goal—and also that with time, we would come to love their name because it was THEIRS. Talking with relatives from previous generations, I found they seemed a little baffled by how much energy and stress the current parents (me, they meant me) were putting into name-choosing: they’d gone with a route more like “Well, how about Nancy? Oh, your sister is using it for her daughter. Well, then, how about Barbara? Great! Oh, wait, what about the middle name? Ann? Sure! Done!” My mother-in-law, when questioned on my favorite topic, said for each of her pregnancies she was just thinking about the baby’s name and it was just the name that came to her mind, and then she checked with her husband and he was fine with it, so then they were done. This method does not resonate with me, but it soothes me.

Dear Swistle,

We are expecting a boy this year and are struggling to find a name we love. Our last name rhymes with Inpin@relli, which is obviously a mouthful, so we prefer one or two-syllable first names. Our daughter is Quinn J(oo)liet (but spelled with a u). We have basically eliminated names ending in the -in sound due to our last name, although we decided to break that rule with Quinn and it somehow works. We prefer names that aren’t super popular but are recognizable and easy to pronounce. My husband doesn’t like what he deems “preppy/pretentious” names such as Sawyer, Spencer, and Parker.

The middle name will probably be Simon after my grandfather, although we could also use the S initial or a J initial for my grandmother.

First names we like but aren’t sure about:

Reid- This is currently our front runner. Would this be annoying for the child in school considering how often the word “read” is said? Does it sound nerdy with Simon?

Miles- Seems a little bland to me- maybe because of the similarity to the word mild. It also eliminates a middle name starting with S.

Cole

Graham- Would he be called grammy or graham cracker?

Theo- too popular

Nolan- has that -in ending

Hayes- my husband doesn’t like it

Our original favorite boy name was Ryder but two friends in our orbit have recently used it.

 

I look forward to hearing your thoughts and suggestions! I will definitely provide an update once the baby is born.

I think Reid is great. Perhaps some Reids and/or parents of Reids can weigh in on the Reid/read issue, but my own opinion is that it wouldn’t stop me from using it. I don’t think it seems nerdy with the middle name Simon.

Or would you like Reeve? Reeve Inpin@relli; Quinn and Reeve.

I wonder if Milo would feel a little more interesting than Miles. Milo Inpin@relli; Quinn and Milo.

Nolan + Cole makes me think of Noel, but I suspect in the U.S. it would be irritatingly often confused with Noelle. Noel Inpin@relli; Quinn and Noel.

I do think a Graham would sometimes hear the graham cracker wordplay; perhaps some Grahams or parents of Grahams can weigh in on how much of an issue it is.

I wonder if you’d like Grant: similar to Graham, but no crackers. Grant Inpin@relli; Quinn and Grant.

Or Emmett. Emmett Inpin@relli; Quinn and Emmett.

Or Wyatt. Wyatt Inpin@relli; Quinn and Wyatt.

Grady. Grady Inpin@relli; Quinn and Grady.

Clark. Clark Inpin@relli; Quinn and Clark.

Gage. Gage Inpin@relli; Quinn and Gage.

Lane. Lane Inpin@relli; Quinn and Lane.

Rory. Rory Inpin@relli; Quinn and Rory.

Our last name is Lee (which cuts out a lot of names— more than you’d realize. Can’t use names ending in -ly sound for example, Kelly Lee). Our son is named Henry. Due date December. This is our 2nd and final kid. This one is a Girl.

We will be using Lurlyne as middle name after my grandmother. Yes, slightly weird name but I recognize it’ll be made middle name to not be called that all the time and still honor her.

Names thrown around that my husband hasn’t X’d yet:

Madison
Lauren
Eliza
Rebecca
Cameron
Avery

Names X’d/vetoed by my husband:

Scarlett
Sophie
Anne
Georgina
London
Athena
Hazel
Kelsey
Vienna
Amelia
Kennedy
Eleanor
Charlotte
Caroline

Any suggestions or recommendations? We generally like traditional names for first names that the masses would spell only one way I.e. No “it’s Catherine with a C… or K… or I… or Y… “ I hated growing up and always having to correct people or watch my siblings spell their names etc.

Thanks for any suggestions!

Starting with the list not yet vetoed by the husband, I would say Eliza and Rebecca most fit the preference for traditional names; Madison, Avery, Lauren, and Cameron feel more modern/contemporary. Eliza seems the most straightforward in terms of spelling; Rebecca can be Rebekah, but Rebecca is currently the predominant spelling: according to the Social Security Administration, in 2022 there were 1,065 new baby girls given the spelling Rebecca and 277 given the spelling Rebekah.

Henry and Eliza gives me a strong My Fair Lady association, but I have seen that movie dozens and dozens of times and may not be representative of the general public. Henry and Rebecca is a pleasing combination: I feel as if a current Henry would be most likely to have a little sister Charlotte, Eleanor, or Violet, so the still-traditional-but-less-currently-in-favor name Rebecca feels fresh. And it appears to me from your email that Rebecca is part of your own name, and I am immensely in favor of mothers passing on their names to their children. So as much as I love the name Eliza (it is one of my enduring top favorites), in this case I vote Rebecca with all my heart. Perhaps with the nickname Bex.

I feel disinclined to look any further, so committed am I to Rebecca. But just for fun, a few more combinations:

Bridget Lee; Henry and Bridget
Claudia Lee; Henry and Claudia
Cora Lee; Henry and Cora
Eloise Lee (maybe too much L); Henry and Eloise
Felicity Lee; Henry and Felicity
Florence Lee; Henry and Florence
Josephine Lee; Henry and Josephine
Margaret Lee; Henry and Margaret (nicknames Meg, Daisy, Greta, etc.)
Melinda Lee; Henry and Melinda
Meredith Lee; Henry and Meredith
Rose Lee; Henry and Rose
Rosemary Lee; Henry and Rosemary
Ruby Lee; Henry and Ruby
Sabrina Lee; Henry and Sabrina

Today I heard Henry telling his friends his naming story and, let me tell you, it sounds different that way. “Wow,” one of his friends said, “I take it your parents really love [the TV show that brought the name to my attention].” It made me wonder what happens with those kids who are named after the place where their parents had sex to conceive them. Think ahead, is my feeling here.

His friends were pitching in with their stories, and I couldn’t hear the ones with quieter voices, but one boy said he was pretty sure he was named after [hot male actor] in one of his mom’s favorite movies. This generated some nauseated responses.

My mother-in-law told me she chose her two children’s names casually: the names just came into her head while she was pregnant. (Yes, both names were Top Ten names for their birth years.) Later she pushed me to read one of her favorite books from her college years, and it turned out to have some pretty racy scenes in it, and the two people being racy together had the same names as her two children.

(If you wish to tell your baby’s naming story here to see if it passes the “Telling it to Teenaged Friends” test, feel free.)