Hi Swistle!
I am a middle aged parent, coming out as nonbinary in my 40s. I am looking to change my very gendered, family name to something more gender neutral and nature inspired. I have two kids, one with a space themed name, and one with a tree themed name. I would like to pick a first and middle name that go with those themes. My last name rhymes with Blanks. Here are some of the names I’ve been tossing around, for either first or middle:
Lennox
Aspen
Birch
River
Elm
Nova
Sky
Aster
Cypress
Halo
WillowThanks so much!
My first suggestion, with what I hope is the full and obvious understanding that ultimately this is about what YOU think is best and not what SWISTLE thinks is best, is that you NOT try to coordinate your name with your kids’ names. Even in families with name themes, such as “everyone starts with an M,” the parents still have names like Matthew and Melissa, and the kids have names like Mia and Mason: they’re themed, but they won’t be mistaken for a four-sibling set, because the names are from two different generations. Looking at your list, my guess is that you are heading for something that sounds like you’re naming someone the age of your kids, rather than someone in their 40s; and because of that sibling-name sound, and the lack of the usual generation gap, I think it will hit people’s ears as a Fake Name—and/or that it will generate the kind of questions you may rather avoid (“Whoa, how did your parents choose that??” “What are your siblings named??” “Is that your REAL name??).
You can practice a little to see if you agree with me or not. Go somewhere you will see an assortment of people—a store, a mall if you still have one of those near you, any sort of big public event, the Facebook page for people from your graduating class. Pick a name from your list, and “try it on” the people you see. In particular, try it on people who appear to be approximately your age. Does that person in their 40s seem like a Halo? an Elm? Imagine one of them introducing themselves to you as Birch, as Sky. It’s fully possible that you will do this exercise and wonder what the HECK I’m talking about: SURE that person seems like a Halo! Why WOULDN’T that person be named Sky? Or it may be that you will get the same little feeling I get, of names that don’t feel like they click. A BABY named Aspen or Elm, sure! Someone my age named Elm, no.
I’m going to start digging around in the Social Security archives, so here’s how to get there if any of you want to join me. Start at the Social Security Administration’s baby name site (which is where you can find information about all the names in the Top 1000, but we’re going to need more than that). Scroll down until you see “Related Links” on the left half of the page, and click “Background Information.” From the menu at left, choose “Beyond the top 1000 names.” Choose “National data”; this will download a folder to your computer, containing usage information for each year from 1880 to 2021 (the 2022 data is likely to be available this May).
Okay! Now we look for the names in your list, to see if they were used the year you were born. I don’t know the exact year, so I will guess the middle of your 40s and look at 1978. In 1978, this is how many babies were given each of those names [names are not in the data base if they were given to fewer than five babies of a particular sex; since that means it COULD have been given to 1-4 babies, I use a dash instead of a zero]:
Lennox: F -, M 6
Aspen: F 20, M –
Birch: F -, M –
River: F -, M –
Elm: F -, M –
Nova: F 56, M –
Sky: F 36, M 71
Aster: F -, M –
Cypress: F 5, M –
Halo: F -, M –
Willow: F 75, M –
If you are in your mid-forties and were born in the United States, it is virtually impossible for your name to be Lennox, Birch, River, Elm, Aster, Cypress, or Halo. Your name COULD be Aster, Nova, or Willow—but for someone named in the 1970s, it would not be a gender-neutral name. The only real candidate is Sky: it was very, very unusual in 1978 (for girls it was as common as Peter, Jimmie, and Yalanda; for boys it was as common as Heather, Kermit, and Buck), but there WERE some babies given the name—and it was given to boys and girls.
I also played the game I mentioned, where I imagined the names on people my age. I found I actually COULD imagine a person in their 40s named Lennox: I would be a little surprised, but I wouldn’t think “No way is that their name.” I think it is because of Annie Lennox. And River Phoenix was older than us, so the name River wouldn’t be a huge shock to me on someone my age, even though based on usage it ought to be. I would not be incredulous to meet a woman named Nova; on a middle-aged non-binary person I would wonder if it was a reference to the word “new”; I would find it startling on a man.
And of course there ARE people who have startling names! I have encountered people my age (just one of each) named Orion and Grove and Mikayla, and those should be basically impossible for people born in my birth year, and yet there they are! They exist! Their parents liked extremely unusual names! But: that’s one of the ways I know that someone with a name outside their generation gets asked to explain it (and list their sibling names) CONSTANTLY.
Here’s another reason I keep pointing out that this is about what YOU want/think and not what SWISTLE wants/thinks: maybe you WANT a name you couldn’t statistically have been given. Maybe you WANT a name that hits the ear as a mismatch for your age, as a way to deliberately indicate that it is a chosen name and not a given name. Maybe you have looked through all the names that were given to 1970s babies and none of them feel like YOU, because the 1970s were not a time that allowed for you. And I’m not looking through the names on your list and seeing low-profile, blend-in kind of choices, so it could easily be that I’m saying “Wait, no, but you need to realize these are SURPRISING and ATTENTION-GETTING names,” and you are saying “Um, YES, and thank you so much for finally tuning in to the question I am asking!”
Still, I would not pick a name that makes you sound like a sibling of your children. And I would particularly avoid matching only ONE of your children, by choosing a space- or tree-related first name—even if you do a middle name from the other theme: the middle name tends to disappear, and is so clearly lower-ranked. But I do realize this suggestion eliminates…a large portion of your list. Like, pretty much all of it.
The names on your list that hit me as GIRL are Willow, Aster, Aspen, and Nova: all of those, if I encountered them on a name list, wouldn’t make me wonder—I’d assume they were girls. (I wouldn’t be RIGHT to assume, since all of those names are given to some boys in the United States—but their usage leans heavily toward girls.) The other names would all leave me uncertain, and so they feel more gender-neutral.
I feel like the name Halo is a lot to carry. It has overt religious/angelic associations, plus the video-game ones. It’s a cool sound (like Haley, but gender-neutral), but I feel it has too much baggage as a name.
Sometimes when someone is choosing a new name as an adult, it works for them to consult with their parents to find something their parents could actually have chosen. Or, if that doesn’t work for any number/combination of reasons, it might work instead for you to IMAGINE some of the names they might/could have chosen if they were naming a child in their own style, or in a style adjacent to theirs, but including current naming trends: surname names, for example. Surnames from the family tree can be a great way to find a meaningful and gender-neutral name with an easy explanation (e.g., “It was my grandmother’s maiden name” or even just “It’s a family name”) that skips over the issue of when specifically the name became yours—and preppy kids have had surname names for generations, so those names can feel outside of naming trends. Or maybe there are names your parents might have chosen if they were naming a baby now, names that weren’t really options in the 1970s. Or of course, you might have reasons not to want to take your parents’ naming style into account, and/or you might have reasons not to want to use a family name.
If you are going to use the tree/space names, and you are going to use modern names, then my absolute number one clear no-contest favorite would be Lennox—except that I am not sure about the repeated ending with your surname. I like that its current usage in the U.S. is fairly gender neutral, to the extent that I would not make any assumptions/guesses if I saw the name in an appointment book or on a business card: 495 new baby girls and 1,393 new baby boys in 2021. I like that the Annie Lennox association makes it feel like it could be the name of a current adult. I like that although it’s tree-related, I believe most people wouldn’t pick up on that.
What I would do is pair it with a more obvious space-reference middle name, and that’s how I’d attempt to achieve balance: a subtle first-name reference to one child, with a blatant middle-name reference to the other child. I like Lennox Nova because of the additional association with the word “new,” but it’s a more subtle space reference than I’d prefer. Lennox Sky would be more obvious, but I don’t like the way the -x combines with the Sk-. Stellan appeals because it feels a little gender-neutral (that is, I would guess boy, but I wouldn’t be shocked if girl) and means “star”; but I don’t love the way the -x combines with the St-, and it’s a more subtle reference than I’d prefer. Sol would work, except once again I am not keen on the -x/S-. Celeste and Stella are lovely but SO girl, and I dislike both of them with Lennox. Aster is a nice subtle star reference (I would have thought first of the flower), but combined with Lennox I hear something that sounds like the word “disaster.” Maybe Baily? It’s VERY subtle (I found it on a list of astrology terms and otherwise wouldn’t have known it), and I like the sound: Lennox Baily. With the surname, it’s a lot of repeated sounds, but those could tie the whole thing together.
My second choice is River—but unfortunately absolutely not with the surname I can see in your email address, which makes it into a joke name. But I like that it is neither tree- nor space-related; I like that it feels like it could be someone our age, because of River Phoenix; I like that it is very gender-neutral. I would pair it with another non-tree-or-space-related middle, probably a family surname name.
Now I am noticing another issue, which is that with your surname, anything that ends in an S sound turns into “spanks.” Non-ideal. Lennox Spanks. Cypress Spanks.
Birch with your surname is VERY alliterative, particularly with two one-syllable names.
I am talking myself out of every option. Let’s turn this over to the commenters and see if they can be more help than I have been!
Oh, coming back to say: maybe Arbor? Briar? Cielo? Garnet? Laken? Rowan? Sage?
I agree with Swistle. The first choice is where you want to place your name in time. Then I think the options become more clear.
I really like Laken. It’s an unusual name (but still familiar sounding) that it doesn’t jump out as a “name out of time”. I also know an adult with this name. It reminds me of quiet cottage mornings.
Briar to me reads feminine because of Sleeping Beauty but that could be an obscure association.
What about Raven? Or Ash?
Phoenix would be a statement but perhaps one you’re interested in making?
Oh, Phoenix is a great suggestion.
I was thinking Larkin.
Me too. Or Lark
Briar strikes me as male because he’s a major character in some Tamora Pierce novels. That Briar is a decent person :)
Going off the social security data, here are some gender-neutral names that were more common for you age group, AND that have a nature/space theme:
Rae/Ray
Sandy
Shae/Shay
Glenn/Glen
Micah
Noel/Noelle
Layne/Laine/Lane
Dusty
Jade (used more commonly for boys surprisingly!)
Shasta
Robin
Robin! I love Robin!
If their surname is what I think it is, they absolutely should not choose Robin :) for the same reason Swistle stated re River.
Was coming here to suggest Shea / Shay!
I’ll also add for consideration: Skylar, Reece, Ashton
I agree with Swistle that some of the names from your list would seem slightly out of a place on a 40-something. From your list, I think Sky is the best bet.
Some other suggestions:
Sage
Arden
Briar
Cass
Crane
Dylan
Ennis (I like the Innes spelling)
Garance
Glen
Hollis
Indigo (I would assume you had hippy parents LOL)
Ives
Kai
Linden
Marlow
Morgan
Robin
Rue
Vale
I was going to suggest Arden and Linden!
Maybe Sol? Like sun, but also like Solomon. You might have to tell people how to pronounce it though…more like Sahl or Sole.
Yes to Linden! Know two around my age (late 30s-early 40s) and one is female and one male.
I really like the suggestions of Glen, Indigo, Ives, and Morgan. Especially Indigo, though—nature-inspired but neither space- nor tree-themed, and wouldn’t sound shocking to me on an adult at all. Other names of 40s-and-older people who I know and that sound gender neutral, off the top of my head: Rory, Chris, Storm, AJ, Tam
Good luck with this journey <3
Inspired by Sky – What about something that links trees and space, just subtly so it’s meaningful to you? I’m thinking of birds – they fly in that bit between tree tops and space. Robin if you’re wanting something more “common” or Ren/Wren or Crane for something more unusual. Swan apparently is gender neutral according to Nameberry.
The first name I thought of when I saw the first sentence of your question was Forest. For me, it’s neither male nor female sounding and I always think of the charming but also drunken Forest Brooks. Forest Lennox? Forest Nova? I wish you lots of luck with your new name, whatever it is!
Brook and Ash are two names that came to mind. I also thought of River with River Phoenix as a peer.
From your list, I really like Lennox. It runs into your last name a bit, but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. I would like River if it weren’t for your last name.
All the other ideas I had when reading have already been mentioned, so I’ll put out a second vote for:
Wren
Sage
Indigo
What about Rain/Rayne? I worked with a Rain who would probably be in their 40s now, it was a bit unusual but not shocking.
If Sky isn’t quite right, what about Skylar/Skyler? It generally reads younger to me, but actor Skyler Astin is in his 30s, so its not that far off.
And just in case, here are a few other names on my list that are kind of out of left field, but may work:
Remy
True
Merritt
Artemis
How about a name inspired by a month/season?
October (Bl)anks
Winter (Bl)anks
Harvest (Bl)anks
Or a name referencing a not-so-gendered precious stone (following Swistle’s suggestion of Garnet):
Jasper (Bl)anks (Jasper might be too male, but I think the gem connotation swings it into gender-neutral territory)
Carnelian (Bl)anks
Peridot (Bl)anks
I see a few birds have already been suggested – I like this idea as a bird can move between trees and space (your children’s name-domains). I’ll add:
Finch (Bl)anks
Falcon (Bl)anks (and, on same note, Peregrine (Bl)anks)
Kestrel (Bl)anks
Gannet (Bl)anks
Jay (Bl)anks
Weaver (Bl)anks
Some of these are tricky in combination with another word name, but others not so much:
Winter Jay (Bl)anks
Finch Carnelian (Bl)anks
Jay Jasper (Bl)anks (JJ option)…
Best of luck.
I also changed my name as an adult (Swistle helped me out a few years ago!) and there was also the caution about changing naming generations (some of the commenters in particular were convinced that I was ruining my life and career, ha) but fortunately it has been not a big deal for me. It helped that while Sutton is more popular now than it would have been in the early 80s, it’s not defined by a time, so I wasn’t going from Tiffany to Madison, etc. The concern makes logical sense but, in my case at least, it was the names of the whole time that didn’t work for me so switching from Brittany to Ashley would hit the same this isn’t right note. I work in a fairly conservative industry and the most I’ve ever gotten when meeting someone is them saying oh that’s an interesting name. So while it certainly could be jarring depending on what you land on, changing generational timing alone needn’t be a dealbreaker or cause of strife (and I’m more than a decade out at this point). Best of luck to you!
Or (inspired by Indigo) a color/mineral:
Cobalt (Bl)anks
Cadmium (Bl)anks
Umber (Bl)anks
Ochre (Bl)anks
Umber makes me think of Ember. It sounds as though your children’s names connote earth (trees) and air (space); a lot of water names are problematic with your surname; so maybe you would like this as a fire name?
Coming back with some new suggestions I thought of:
Adair
Lee
Cary
Vesper
Logan
Kit
Scout
Rumi
Skylar or Skyler – both nature and space ish, neutral and not shocking on a 40 yr old.
Oakley, River, Ceil, Larkin, Bryn
Lee
I went to college with someone named Dreux and spelled that way. It always appealed to me as a gender neutral name that feels contemporary with 40 somethings
I liked the suggestion of Wren above.
Fire name was also an interesting suggestion. Elio?
You can always “blame” hippie parents when talking to strangers who get annoying; it’s what my sister does, lol. (Mom insisted she wasn’t quite old enough to be a hippie but well, she did name one of her kids Serenity. Yeah, she was a hippie.)
Of your list, I like Lennox, Sky, & Aspen best
Other ideas?
Dale, Dale Evans is mostly forgotten these days, but she was an actress & Roy Rogers’ spouse.
Rill, a type of stream but rare enough that Rill Manx doesn’t have the same problem as River Manx.
Mica
Sorrel
Raven
Wren
Finch
Gray (a color found all over nature, of course)
Congratulations!
What name feels like you?
If picking a name that feels like a match for your kids makes it feel more like yours, then that’s great. But one thing about word names, for me at least, is that they bring in a connection with the thing as well. I wouldn’t name my child Linden, for instance, because I’ve mostly experienced it as a street tree, and I would want a woods tree. It’s a beautiful name, but it’s not a tree that I feel connected to. That would go doubly if I were naming myself, an adult human with established relationships to trees. Is there a tree or a star or a stone or animal or…whatever that you want to tie yourself to like that? If so, then I think that’s the right one.
I’d also think about what you want your name to do. My spouse has worn two chosen names publicly, and has a third that’s more private. The first one was very unusual. Because no one had associations with it, everyone read it as belonging to the gender they assumed for my spouse. That wasn’t what they wanted, so eventually they chose a fairly common name that is strongly associated with the gender people *don’t* assume. For them, that has been more satisfying. The name does more work for them, genderwise. The third name is one I offered them, a tree they love with no gender associations. It felt resonant and right to them, but not as the face they show the world every day. We use it at home sometimes, and also with a dear friend who has traumatic associations with someone who shares my spouse’s public name. It helps us all feel more connected and special, and marks a part of my spouse’s identity that is all about them, not about how they want strangers to treat them.
So what do you need your name to do? What kind of misgendering feels most painful? Or does your heart rebel at all of that? Do you just want a name that feels quintessentially you, and other people’s readings of it are their problem?
Remember that you don’t only get one (or a first and a middle that act like everyone else’s first and middle). You can have as many as you need. Your needs may change again, and that’s okay (challenging, of course, but okay). Do you want a tree or space name because that feels like *you* or because it names a connection to your children and that is something traditionally so gendered? Would it feel good to have a tree name or a space name that are special between you and your kids, even if no one else uses it? Would it feel good to you to be their Oak or the Wolf tree that grew alone and shelters them with wide branches?
Just for fun, here are some names that came to mind.
Ash, Tamarack (or Larch), Linden, Spruce, Alder, Cedar, Oak, Beech, Hickory, Catalpa, Sumac, Quince, Pippin, Jasper, Garnet, Flint, Chalcedony, Clay, Varve, Ursus, Heath
Is there any of these that makes your heart sing? Go with that one. Also, Rowan is a lovely tree name. Best wishes from another non binary 40 something!
I love people’s suggestions of Rowan and Wren! From your list I like Aspen, but it does strike me as more girl.
Also for your consideration
Clover
Ember
Parker
Luna (reads more girl I think)
Sterling
Wilder (reads more boy to me)
I think that you might not have to give as much attention to the perceived age of a name because being in your 40’s means that you were born at a time when nature names were trending for everyone. I work in a not very hippie work place with a Clover, two Heathers, a Rosemary, and a Rio, all in their 40’s and 50’s and no one bats an eye. With a nature name, you will be in good company.
Some names that come to mind are:
Skylar
Robin
Lee
Cedar
Sage
Ari
Cal
Lucian
Casey
Quinn
Jamie
Cameron
Alden
Austen
Lee
Lucian sounds amazing for your situation: it refers to light, but it doesn’t sound like a 2020’s name.
Love the suggestions of Arden and Arbor for subtle tree references. There’s also Sylvan.
Cal could be short for Calder.
Other names that might work for all genders with possible or definite nature meanings: Niko, Arlo, Sparrow, Delano, Harbor, Brooks, Eridanus
And Luca/Luka for another light-related name.
My immediate thought is Jordan. I know people in their 40s with this name (both men and women) and many people who are younger also named Jordan and of varying genders.
To me, it’s nature/place related, the River of Jordan is my first association.
AND, there are so many spellings if you wanted to chose something a little more unique. My favorite is the classic Jordan, but I like Jordin as well. Jordyn looks more feminine to me but I do know a 26 year non binary Jordyn.
Congratulations! I love Lennox, and wish fervently that River worked with your surname, but it sounds like it does not.
Here are just a few other names that you may have already considered (and I know a few have already been mentioned):
Nature Names:
Beck (would be Quite a Name with your surname, but I think it would be snappy and memorable)
Ocean (leans male in the SS data)
Pelagia
Rain
Indigo (leans female in the SS data)
Non-Nature Names:
Lyric (leans female in the SS data)
Lux (although Lux Blanks has the same issues that Lennox does)
Auburn
Azure
North
Penn
Winter
Silver
Or maybe there is a place name that is significant to you? A lot of those seem easily gender neutral: Paris, Jordan, Devon, Indio, Denver, Dayton, Berlin, Milan.
I would also like to make a case for the name Galaxy — I love that it could have the gender neutral nickname Alex or Lex if you wanted. It could go in the middle spot and be totally awesome.
I also had Jordan come to mind. It’s fairly timeless – my husband’s uncle was a Jordan, and we considered it for one of our kids who are teenagers now, – and gender-neutral – a friend’s trans son didn’t have to change his name when he transitioned.
One of my teens is named Sage and while I’ve only met Sages roughly her age or younger, I had heard of two Sages who were adults when we were thinking of names for her, and one was a jewelry maker and one was an artist, so I liked the creative vibe I got from it. I definitely think of it as more of a name for females though.
My goth sister changed her name to Obsidian as an adult. It came off as a bit ornate when she told us, but she uses Sid for short and that works on her and was simpler for our parents to grasp onto, so maybe fancy it up if you want, but choose a name with a good related nickname?
I agree with a number of suggestions above as I also thought of some of them before seeing them written by other people, plus I’m adding a couple of my own that don’t end in an “s” sound:
Rowan (I’ve known both males and females with this name)
Robin (ditto)
Indigo (I also like Blue and Grey)
Wren
Jasper
Merryl / Meryl (no one would think this is too young as the association would be Streep)
Forrest (both traditional and kind of hippie at the same time)
Corvid (the crow family) or similar such as Corbin (though that might be too linked to The 5th Element) or Corvin
Jenny Grace is right about the Robin – I hadn’t thought of that! Scratch it from my list of suggestions!
I think the generational commentary is also geography dependent. I live in a hippie town in California and I know A LOT of people in my peer group (say mid 30s to mid 50s) with nature names. Ocean, Meadow, Lark, Star, I know a couple people named Nova, lots of Rowans (both genders), Sparrow, Sage, Raven, Conifer, Cypress, Canyon, Sterling….
If you are somewhere else in the country where there are fewer elder millennial/gen x nature names, then maybe that line of thinking has more weight.
I have seen Sage used by a few friends and acquaintances as an intentional gender neutral choice, and it is nature themed, and I see it on boys and girls. I would be careful with your last name (River and Robin would both be non-starters with that name)
I have a non-binary child who uses the name Arden. Subtle nature reference and it’s one of those names that could work equally well on that generation or your generation. And I like it with what I think your last name must be. And people’s reactions to it in terms of “which” gender it signifies are almost 50/50 split in my experience, which is exactly what my kid was going for.
Congratulations on your journey and thank you for allowing us to weigh in!
I LOVE so many of the suggestions and agree that hippie populations meant that there were a number of new age names floating around, as well as the usual Robins and Heathers etc.
I love Larkin and Sky/Skyler/Skylan (the last one is a friend of my sisters – mid 40s.
I personally adore Lennox. I think it’s cool and sleek yet warm and friendly. I would want it if I were considering a name, too! Lennox Sky Blanks
Lennox Larkin Blanks
Lennox Leif Blanks
Lennox Skylan Blanks
You had so many beautiful names on your list, I don’t think you can go wrong! I do love Swistle’s suggestion of Nova (new) – that’s pretty neat. Lennox Nova Blanks.
Please update us!
I’m in your age cohort and went to school with a Lennox and a Sage. I also like Wren, Sky and Rowan.
Ash
Ambrose? It sounds vaguely nature-y and neutral. I just realized it has religious connotations so maybe not. Google says it’s derived from ambrosia, the food of the gods.
Fern
Glade sounds nice but makes me think of air freshener.
Grove
I had to think way too long about what the issue is with Robin Blanks and now I can’t stop laughing.
Lots of great suggestions here! What about Gale? It’s historically been both a masculine and feminine name, and it’s a nature name. In terms of popularity it skews a little older than your generation, but I still think it sounds cool! Best of luck to you in finding a name that fits your authentic and evolving self!
Ok, now I’m thinking of more. Juniper, Echo, Rue, Eden, Cale, Blaze.
Personally, I would not want to choose a new name that is going to sound too much like it belongs to your children’s generation, but I think you could also avoid it by leaning really hard in the other direction – instead of looking for names that were more common when you were born, look for new nature words that have never been used as names. I think that has the potential to feel timeless (because it has no relevant period of popularity) and also more gender neutral.
Nature words that I think could be names & don’t seem to have ever appeared in the US name data:
Orchard
Caraway
Damson
And a special mention to Yarrow, which has made it into the data a couple times but not enough that I think it is associated with a particular decade or gender.
I saw someone else’s suggestion of using a month that is not commonly used as a name, and I like that idea too.
Of course, you don’t have to agree with me that “has never been common” is preferable to “obscure among people in their 40s but fairly common among today’s children.” Every name in the world has pros and cons, and of course different people prioritize different characteristics differently. If you absolutely love Nova, then go ahead!
I grew up with an Orion in the Midwest.
I like Aspen and Birch a lot!
Nature gender neutral names for people in the 40 – 60 year-old age range? I HAVE SOME!
Glenn
Dale
Robin
Park
Lee/Lea
Roan/Rowan
Dell.
Putting in a good word for Dell. It’s my middle name and my kid’s (and my grandmother’s, aunt’s, cousin’s and at least one of my cousin’s kids’). When my kid came out as non-binary, they changed their first name but kept the middle because while it our family the tradition was to use it for girls, usage is unisex (tilting male, I think). It’s unusual but recognizable as a name.
Some of my favorite gender-neutral names are Emory, Emerson, Kai, and Zephyr. Some have nature-related meanings. I really like the idea of using a previous family surname though because
I know of a man named Celeste, which apparently is more common in other countries. Seems like it might be a good fit for you! Also, Carol is somewhat gender-neutral.
Congratulations and thank you for the opportunity to participate in this question.
From your list, I like Lennox, Aspen and Sky lots.
I will also add Ellis, Sydney and Hayden as cool sounding neutral names that come from our generation and older.
Ultimately, I like the suggestion from the commenter to pick the name that makes your heart sing. I hope whatever name you choose, you get shivers of happiness when you hear others use it.
2 names where I know both men and women with the name in their 40s: Jordan and Cameron.
Gender-neutral names I’ve heard recently and liked:
Dana
Toby
Jasper
Morgan
Peregrine –> Perry!!!!!!!!!!!
(Best wishes from a trans guy who changed his name at age 30)