Hi Swistle,
My spouse and I are expecting a baby in late May or early June 2022. We plan to have this be our only child.
We need specifically a gender neutral (or as gender neutral as possible) name. We know the sex of the baby, but it’s not a factor in our naming.
We have some overlap with naming in that we’re both a bit offbeat, like nature names, bohemian names, and Celtic names (heritage we both share). The baby’s surname will be Myers-Phillips.
We also have some very particular rules. The name must be:
Pronounceable and spellable in USA English
Not ranked in the top 100 — ideally unique, but not unheard of
Not just a nickname (e.g. Max without the Maxwell full name)
1-3 syllables, 2 is ideal
No unique spellings of existing names (e.g. Jaxon)
Not generally associated with anything cultural that will make us seem like superfans (e.g. Arwyn is strongly associated with Lord of the Rings)Some names we liked but rejected are:
Briar (rhymes with Myers)
Aspen (sounds too much like ass, probably too feminine)
Remy (associated with guns and animated rats)
Kai (appropriative of Hawaiian culture)
Charlie (it’s a nickname not a full name)
Rue (the non-botanical meaning, regret, feels too sad for a baby)
Jules (nickname)
Kit (nickname)
Rowan (already taken by a couple people close to us)
Arrow (too offbeat we think?)Whew! All that said, we do have a couple names that we’re still considering, but might not be exactly right.
River. We both like this name but we’re afraid it’s becoming too common and losing its “shine” if you will.
Larkin. We like this and the nickname Lark, but worry from people’s reactions that it’s actually ugly.
Thanks, we need help!M & J
I think this is the very first time we’ve had this question in this way. I read the email with trepidation, worried you would tell us the sex of the baby and skew our response—and you did not! I wish you did not know, either, since it seems as if knowing just HAS TO affect the naming process. I have a cousin who wanted gender-neutral names, and what they did with each pregnancy was deliberately NOT find out the sex of the baby before birth, and chose one name to give the child regardless. It struck me as a good way to be really, really sure the sex of the baby was not affecting the choice. Well, no putting that knowledge back in the box at this point, of course! I mention it only for the sake of other parents who might be looking for a similar type of name, and may want to consider using that method.
I was thinking about this letter while making dinner, and some of the kids were around, so I mentioned it to them, and it led to a pretty fun discussion. The biggest thing I took away from it was something Elizabeth said (referring to some of the names you mentioned and also to some of the ones we came up with): she kept saying “That name is only ‘gender-neutral’ for [girls/boys].” The first one she said this about was the name Charlie: “That name is only ‘gender-neutral’ for girls.” That is, if we encounter a little boy named Charlie, we don’t think “Oh, what a great gender-neutral name!”; if we encounter a little girl named Charlie, we might think that very thing.
I realize this sounds like it doesn’t make sense (in large part due to the use of “gender-neutral” in an overly casual way, and as if it’s in quotes each time), but it came back to my mind again and again as a useful filter for name candidates. Certain names are USED for both boys and girls, but they have CROSSED in one direction—almost always when a name “for boys” starts to be used for girls. Such a name on a boy still seems like “a boy name”; the change is that it also feels usable for a girl, in a way we might call gender-neutral, but it isn’t: when we call a girl Sam or Max or Charlie, part of the package deal of that name is that we know it’s “boyish;” when we call a boy Sam or Max or Charlie, we are not similarly thinking the name is “girlish.” Sam is not “gender-neutral” for a boy; Sam is only “gender-neutral” for a girl. Max is not “gender-neutral” for a boy; Max is only “gender-neutral” for a girl. Do you see what I mean? I am describing this a little more than I might normally, just because I want it clear that everyone involved in the conversation was aware of the looseness/casualness of our word usage. It was a useful shorthand for us to say what we meant, even though we were being loose/casual (and therefore not fully accurate) with the term.
For a name to be true gender-neutral, I think we would have to see the name and not be able to guess if the person were a boy or a girl, and not feel surprise either way. There are not very many names like this—and individual experience is going to affect it to some extent, particularly because you are looking for unusual names many of us may not have had much real-life experience with. For example, some of us are going to think of Casey as a gender-neutral name, because we will have known male and female Caseys (I graduated high school with one male and one female Casey, and those were the only Caseys I’d known, so the name was established for me as very neutral), but maybe others of us have only known male Caseys, or don’t know ANY Caseys and only know it from Casey at the Bat, and would think of it as VERY boy, and be surprised to see it on a girl. In my kids’ particular school/classes, there are about as many boy Averys as girl Averys, and only a couple of each: if I saw the name Avery, I would not be able to guess and would not be surprised either way; but people in different circles or with younger kids might feel pretty confident guessing a baby Avery was a girl, now that the name has risen dramatically in popularity for girls while staying at about the same not-very-common level for boys.
And of course spelling can play a huge role. Elizabeth wrote “Bertie/Birdie!” on the list, with enthusiasm. But to me, Bertie is boy (even though I knew a Roberta/Bertie/Bert growing up—but that felt like Samantha/Sam or Charlotte/Charlie to me: boyish nickname), Birdie is girl. Similarly, I wanted to add Lee to the list—but then realized that, while I wouldn’t be VERY surprised to find a girl Lee, I would EXPECT a Lee to be a boy; I would expect a Leigh to be a girl. Cameron seems gender-neutral to me: I wouldn’t be able to guess, and I wouldn’t be surprised either way; but if there were a K or a Y in the spelling, I’d guess girl and be surprised if boy—even though I know some boy babies are given spellings with K’s and Y’s.
Well. It’s a delightful puzzle. I do think you’d be wise to see if you could loosen your other rules as much as you possibly can, given what a very small pool of names you’ll be working with. You’ve already eliminated ALMOST ALL of the names by wanting something gender-neutral; if you then eliminate names of a certain level of popularity, and names with certain numbers of syllables and so forth, you might end up eliminating ALL the names—or leaving yourself with only names you don’t like very much. I recommend starting with the list “Gender-Neutral Names We Like,” without regard for popularity/syllables/etc., and even including names you’re sure you won’t use (those can still be useful for noticing sounds/styles you’re drawn to), in order to get the biggest, happiest, heartiest possible pile to choose from and work with. Later you can use the other rules/preferences to make finer decisions.
I think River is a pretty good option. Seeing the name, I would not know if the person were male or female, and I would not be surprised either way. In 2020 in the United States (the 2021 data will likely be out in May), the Social Security Administration reports that the name River was #129 for boys (2,771 new baby boys in 2020), and #186 for girls (1,540 new baby girls in 2020). Usage is rising for both boys and girls, which surprised me; I don’t have anyone named River in my circle, which made me feel incorrectly as if the name were very unusual.
I don’t think the name Larkin is ugly, but of course that’s going to be a very subjective thing. I think it has some strong consonant sounds, and it’s uncommon (in 2020, it was given to 85 new baby girls and 46 new baby boys); those two things combined might be causing a reaction. I think once everyone got used to it, the reaction would stop. The name Larkin is not in the Top 1000 for either girls or boys in the United States; I would have added “and never has been,” except that in 1903, 1905, and 1909, it brushed briefly into that range for boys. (Which is a little bit interesting, because the name Larkin was #822 for boys in 1903, then out of the Top 1000 in 1904, then back at #728 in 1905; I suspect this is mostly because of low/unreliable data from that time period. In 1903, there were 9 boys named Larkin; all we know about 1904 is that there were 4 or fewer; in 1905 there were 12. Currently, with more/better data, the #822 boy name in the U.S. was used for 278 babies; the #728 boy name in the U.S. was used for 335 babies; a name used for only 9 or 12 babies would be nowhere near the Top 1000.)
I’m trying to think what I would have thought if I’d encountered a Larkin before working on this post. I think I would have assumed girl, because I would have thought the parents were going for the nickname Lark, which strikes me as feminine even though there is no particular reason it should be. I would be a little surprised to find the name belonged to a boy, but not shocked or anything. I would be quite a bit more surprised if I heard the name Lark and then found it belonged to a boy. If I encountered the name Lark on a girl, it would not seem gender-neutral to me.
I’d like to reclaim Jules from the rejected list. While I do know it can be used as a nickname, I see it as much more of a given name than, say, Sam or Max, which can ALSO be given names but I see them more as nicknames. Again, this is all so subjective. But I think of Jules as a real standard given name, probably almost entirely because of Jules Verne. If I encountered a Jules on a class Valentine’s list, I would not know if the child were a boy or a girl. If I heard it as a nickname, I would be more likely to think girl, but that’s because there are so many more Julias/Julies in my own age group, so I’m accustomed to Jules as the kind of pet name that would be spoken but not written on a homework paper / class list.
Let’s see if we can think of some more options to consider.
The names Remy and Rowan made me think of Rory, Rudy, Finley, and Reece.
I am more familiar with Rory as a name for girls, but only because of the television series Gilmore Girls; other than that, I am aware of it as a unisex name. In 2020 in the U.S., the name Rory was given to 670 new baby girls and 989 new baby boys.
I would have thought of Rudy as a name used for boys, except for Rudy on The Cosby Show (her name was short for Rudith, something I didn’t know until just now when I looked it up). In 2020 in the U.S., the name Rudy was given to 16 new baby girls and 261 new baby boys. Hm. So perhaps this falls into “It’s only ‘gender-neutral’ for girls” territory.
In 2020 in the U.S., the name Finley was given to 1,429 new baby girls and 1,080 new baby boys. For me, part of the appeal of the name is that the first half leans “boy” but the second half leans “girl.” If I encountered a Finley on a classroom list, I would not know whether to guess boy or girl and would need to be told; I would not be surprised either way.
Reece is a little trickier, because Rhys and Reese will be affecting our impressions as well. Rhys is “the boy spelling,” used in the U.S. in 2020 for 38 new baby girls and 702 new baby boys. Reese is more “the girl spelling,” used for 1,867 new baby girls and 334 boys. Reece is closest to unisex: 137 new baby girls and 469 new baby boys. If I saw a Rhys on a class list, I would assume boy and be surprised by girl; if I saw Reece or Reese, I would not be able to guess and would not be surprised by whatever the answer.
Charlie from the rejected list, combined with finding Casey listed for both girls and boys in the Celtic names section of The Baby Name Wizard, makes me want to push for Casey. In 2020 in the U.S., the name Casey was given to 230 new baby girls and 541 new baby boys.
Emlyn is also listed for both girls and boys in the Celtic section. In 2020 in the U.S., the name Emlyn was given to 25 new baby girls; it is not in that year’s database for boys. I suspect in the U.S., the Em + lyn combination reads almost completely “girl.”
Oh, and Morgan! In 2020 in the U.S., the name Morgan was given to 1,483 new baby girls and 363 new baby boys.
The names Briar and Aspen sent me down the nature name path, and I wondered about Linden—which seems like a softer alternative to Larkin. I probably would guess girl, though, especially after Laura morphed to Laurie and then to Lauren: it would seem to me as if someone was doing the same with the name Linda, even though I also know the nature origin of the name. But Lyndon Johnson makes the name familiar for boys. And the nickname Denny/Dennie, because I happen to know a GIRL Dennie, feels potentially unisex to me.
Kit made me think of Quinn, even though that’s a very different style. In 2020 in the U.S. the name Quinn was given to 3,058 new baby girls and 669 new baby boys.
Hollis and Ellis are two names that come to my mind when I’m looking for unisex names—though because of the potential nicknames Holly and Ellie, they come to my mind more when I’m looking for less-feminine names for girls. In 2020 in the U.S., the name Hollis was given to 145 new baby girls and 199 new baby boys; the name Ellis was given to 463 new baby girls and 1,004 new baby boys. That is a lot of -s endings, though, with the surname!
Maybe Lane? Not quite naturey, but at least outdoors. The nickname Lanie feels feminine, but my first encounter with the name Lane was in the movie Better Off Dead, where Lane is a cute boy (in fact, his name is Lane Meyer, which may rule it out for this baby), so that lodged the name in my mind as unisex. In 2020 in the U.S., the name Lane was given to 103 new baby girls and 1,360 new baby boys.
I know you said you’d prefer not to have nickname names, and I do hear you, and I too generally prefer to avoid nickname names—but I also wonder if those could be the solution to the puzzle, particularly the ones not currently used for new babies. Terry, for example: I have known boy Terrys and girl Terrys. Seeing it on a class list, I would not know if the child were a boy or a girl, and I would not be surprised either way. But I WOULD be charmed to see that name on a current child. And it doesn’t feel like “a nickname name” to me the way more current nicknames (Max, etc.) do—probably because in the age group where I’m familiar with Terrys, that was the era when people were called almost exclusively by their nicknames. So “Terry” feels less like a nickname for Terrance/Theresa, and more like just Their Name.
Name update:
Thank you Swistle and the comment section for your help picking a name!
In the end, we stuck with our 2 top names going to the hospital, levied by yours and your readers’ approval of both the names River and Larkin. We decided we would wait til we met the baby at the hospital to choose, based on their face/vibe/birth. And we chose Larkin! Born 6/7/22.
We were encouraged by your analysis that Lark and Larkin were somewhat gender-ambiguous and not necessarily ugly. We’re looking forward to when Larkin can identify their gender themself and not be hindered by our name choice.
Thanks again!
Such a fun discussion! Swistle, I understand exactly what you mean by “it’s only gender neutral for a girl/boy,” and I think that’s a great distinction.
I think there are not a ton of names that are truly gender neutral. Taylor is one, but I don’t think that’s your style. Other than Remy, I have Sage, Merritt, and Indigo on my list. Would any of them interest you?
Oh, if Larkin is not quite right, maybe Laken/Lake?
I came on here to suggest the same thing. I once met a girl named Laken, and it has always stayed with me as an unusual but beautiful name. But one that could work just as well for a boy.
Merritt is such a good idea!
Some of my favorite true gender neutral names are R names!
Rory
Reese (I think j the boys are starting to claim the Reese spelling so it’s becoming more general neutral)
Robin
Ryan
Riley
Some other good ones:
Avery (we considered it for our boy)
Parker
Finley
Morgan
Cameron
Ari
Aubrey
Bellamy
Jordan
Taylor
Peyton
Shae
Emery
Idk about Ryan. It leans strongly “boy” to my ear. It’s even labeled as just masculine in the Behind the Name baby naming site. In 2020, it was #57 for boys and #448 for girls in the US and it appears to not even make the girl charts for other countries.
Some suggestions based on knowing both b/g kids with these names:
Jordan
Finley
Morgan
Riley
Addison
Robin
Dana
Kelly
Skye or Skyler might fit the bill!
I actually Love this name, but we rejected it due to rhyming with Myers (like Briar) :((
I’d like to add Sasha to the list of suggestions, though it might break the nickname rule. I think Canadians would be particularly familiar with it on both boys and girls because of Sacha Trudeau, our former PM’s son and current PM’s brother, and Sasha Obama. (Sacha is the French version of Sasha).
River and Larkin make me think of Lake, which doesn’t lend itself in my mind to be a specific gender.
I agree with Swistle and Elizabeth about some names only feeling gender-neutral for one gender. And it’s interesting how there are lots of names that feel gender-neutral for girls but not boys (Charlie, Max, Sam), but so few that are the opposite way around. (Maybe Kim, I guess? Or Dana?)
I think of Rory as being pretty solidly gender-neutral, but that could be impacted by own personal exposure to the name. My first association is Rory Gilmore, but everyone I know in real life named Rory is male.
I really like Larkin. If I had to choose I think it sounds slightly more feminine, but I wouldn’t be surprised to hear it on a boy.
Some other ideas off the top of my head:
Luca
Sparrow
Robin (Although this might be another one that falls under the “only gender-neutral for boys” category.)
Ellery (The only Ellery I know is male so that might be skewing my judgment RE: gender-neutrality here.)
Jay (I am going all-in on bird names today, it seems.)
Jamie
Ash
Ocean
Sky
Cypress
Mica
Alls I can think of are Whitney, Courtney, and Evelyn.
For me, Sasha is “only neutral for boys”, although that’s going to be influenced by culture. But hey, it counts for me! :D
Coming here to second Bellamy.
A gender neutral name I’ve found on both girls and boys of varying ages is Kennedy.
I also think Lake fits the bill. But River and Larkin seem great too.
I looked into unisex Celtic names and love the following options: Teagan Kieran Dillon Rowan Keagan Fallon & Flynn
Morgan! I’m not sure I can top that suggestion. But a few others that came to mind
Dylan
Cedar
Emerson
Blair
Shiloh
Dara
Merryn
Zadi
Merritt
Arden
Haven
I was going to suggest Arden too so glad to see it on other folks’ lists. I also like Robin, and was surprised that nobody suggested Toby! I know male and female people with this name and think it is gentle and sweet. Maybe it feels like too much of a nickname-name for you because some people use it as a nn for Tobias, but I also know people who that’s their full name.
Ariel is also pretty gender-neutral: there’s the mermaid, and then there’s the former Israeli prime minister. It means Lion so that’s pretty cool!
Leighton.
Nature-ish ones I love are Indigo, Cedar and Arden, but my favorite gender neutrals tend to be surname names. Wells is my very favorite, but Merritt/Merit, Morgan, Carroll (may only be gender neutral in the southern US, I don’t think I’ve known any male Carrolls elsewhere) Redding and Ellis are all fab.
The names that came to my mind first were Merle and Robin.
The last time Merle was in the top 1000 for boys was in 1979, ranked #999. For girls, Merle was #990 in 1956. The name means “blackbird.”
Merrill and Merritt are similar to Merle and seem appropriately gender-neutral to me (and apparently to other responders who also suggested these names); however, if you don’t like alliteration, M names might not be an option. I see that either your or your spouse’s name begins with M — does that rule out an M name for your child?
Merle Myers-Phillips Merrill Myers-Phillips Merritt Myers-Phillips
Robin was ranked #866 for boys and #904 for girls in 2020. There are enough well-known people named Robin — males: Robin Williams, Robin Thicke and females: Robin Roberts, Robin Wright, for example — that the name works well for either a boy or a girl.
Robin Myers-Phillips
Suggestions from others that I like are: Cameron, Jordan, and Lane.
Cameron Myers-Phillips Jordan Myers-Phillips Lane Myers-Phillips
Merle to me is only Merle Haggard!
Names that strike me as truly gender neutral (which is of course subjective): Merit/Merritt, Merrick, Quinn, Marion, Ellison, Cedar, Linden, Campbell, Collins
Linden is a great suggestion. It’s my son’s middle name but I also know a girl named Linden. I feel it is gender neutral.
Also love the suggestion of Robin! I don’t think I saw Dana suggested either.
I think River and Larkin are wonderful.
I also like Swistle’s suggestion of Quinn. In my four-person family, we each know a different Quinn (of differing ages) and there are two males and two females. We always have to say So-and-so’s Quinn when mentioned in conversation.
Going strictly by the criteria of, “I don’t automatically know or assume a gender when I hear this name” and Swistle’s commentary of not-defaulting male, only gender-neutral for a girl:
Campbell (might be too brand-y sounding with your last name)
Gray
Riley
Logan
Remy
Reese
Jamie (probably violates nickname rule)
People I know who wanted a gender-neutral name went with Corey
I think Swistle’s suggestions of Hollis, Ellis, and Lane are all excellent. I also LOVE the above suggestion of Robin—totally gender-neutral, naturey, and just a lovely name. I’m also a fan of Linden, Rory, Cedar, and Skylar/Skyler.
River and Larkin are both great options! Larkin is definitely not ugly and River is one of my favorite names. I also love Swistle’s suggestion of Hollis. I will also second the previous suggestions of Sage and Indigo.
Some more ideas would be…
Adair
Auden
August
Blue
Campbell
Donnelly
Eden
Lowen
Lyric
Monroe
Murphy
Oakley
Ocean
Poet
Quincy
Ramsey
Rumi
True
Vesper
Wren
I came to suggest Auden. Apparently some people associate it with the Target underwear brand, but I think of W.H. Auden every time.
Robin was definitely my first thought. Nature. Two syllable. Very gender neutral. And seems like one that easily spans generations too.
Larkin also reads gender neutral to me, and I think it’s nice sounding.
Other gender neutral: Taylor, Ocean, Cameron, Sky.
Morgan and Robin are my favorites for you.
Frankie! I know it’s technically a nickname but genuinely unisex where I live. You could go for Frances as a first name.
Robin and Rory! Would be equally delightful on a boy or girl, I wouldn’t know gender just by reading the name, and I think they both sound great with your last name.
I also like others’ suggestions of Hollis, Lane, Lake, Gray.
I know of a lot of young Rivers. Not sure if the name is truly gaining in popularity or it’s just regionally trending where I am.
I think River and Lane are both great choices. I know both a female and male (adult male, teenage female) with the name.
I used to know a female named Larkin, and I always thought her name seemed quirky-cool-nature-y! I could just as easily see it on a boy as a girl, though.
Oops, I meant to say I know two people with the name Lane! I don’t know if anyone named River, so it apparently does not trend in my part of central Florida!
Don’t know where this falls on the scale of “too nickname-y” but I went to high school with a girl named Jorie and a boy named Jory. Both seemed fine and normal and not like “what? That’s a boy’s/girl’s name!”
So many great suggestions! Seconding Linden, Morgan, Finley, Robin, Quinn, Shay/Shae, and Rory – these all strike me as totally gender-neutral.
Adding to the list: Cassidy, Galen, Fallon, Alva, Solan
Also, I have both a male association with Larkin (MLB player Barry Larkin) and a female association (a female character from the musical Once Upon a Mattress named Lady Larken). I think it reads gender neutral in a lovely way and is definitely not ugly!
Loving the suggestions of Rory, Hollis, Robin, Campbell, Sage, and Indigo. I would add…
Auden
August
Blue
Briar
Bristol
Donnelly
Eden
Ever
Fern
Lowen
Lux
Lyric
Monroe
Murphy
Nova
Oakley
Ocean
Poet
Quincy
Ramsey
Sparrow
True
Vesper
Wren
I’m so sorry if I posted twice. I didn’t see that my previous comment went through so I made this one with even more ideas.
I find the US/UK distinction here really interesting! Over here Rory and Finley/Finlay are *definitely* boy names. I’ve never met a female Finley and I know one little girl Rory/Aurora and about 20 boy Rorys. But the data doesn’t lie! They’ve clearly crossed into a different realm in the US.
I actually really like Larkin. My first thought is Philip Larkin so I wonder if that helps skew it more neutral than girl to me? I also think River is very very neutral, as is Sage. Have you ever looked at the names of Stella McCartney’s kids? I would find it genuinely impossible to tell gender based on names alone.
Also I only know little boys called Ellis and Elliot and have never met a girl although I love both on anyone.
Based only on my experience of having known multiple children of both genders by these names:
Quinn
Rory
Keegan
Logan
Cameron
Kieran
Hayes
Dylan
Lane
Ryan
Shawn
I don’t know any Larkins, but I like it.
Glade is a beautiful nature name that is not used much. Perhaps worth considering!
Other ideas:
Wilder
Peregrine
Ash
I like Cameron, Rory, Parker, Avery, Jordan. Maybe it would help if you tell us why you want a gender neutral name. Good luck!
Commenting again to say I’m surprised to see so many suggestions for Robin. My dad hated having the name Robin so much that he legally changed it to Robert.
As i read through your letter, the first name that came to mind was Morgan. I also thought of Lakyn (although for me that learns more male. As you like the name Briar, I thought I’d also suggest Blair as an option that doesn’t rhyme with Myers.
Blaise
Taylor
Tyler
Sawyer
Harper
Finley
Callin
Aubrey
Ellis
Sage
Elliot
Griffin
Sayler
Dawson
Alex
Scout!!! I love Scout for you.
Funny about Arrow, when my first was born we lived in a hipster area and I met three child / baby Arrows (and that is my threshold for considering it trendy in a pocket) but since we moved I have not encountered any. I think you should reconsider as it meets all your rules. In that same neighbourhood a mom in my baby group brought a baby named Calix that she refused to gender the entire three months we spent together. Does that appeal? I realize it might not be totally intuitive in spelling but I think it’s surmountable.
I think River is a great name. Larkin feels less unisex.
I wonder if you might consider Carey/Cary/Kerry? The name (including all its spellings) has veered more towards girls in recent decades, but doesn’t seem overused today, and I adore it on boys.
According to the charts on Behind the Name, Cary’s far more popular for boys than girls. Kerry’s more complicated, but it did remain on the US boy’s top 1000 list longer than for girls.
Just throwing some more thoughts out there:
Sparrow, Carter, Alex (I know it’s a nickname), Cove, Fallon, Indigo, Micah, Noel, Umber, Vesper, Winter.
Emery?
There is a child named Oakley in my child’s fourth grade class and I genuinely didn’t know their gender until I met them.
I think it also has a nice nature leaning feel too.
Or other nature inspired names (albeit not all multi syllabic) : Raine, Linden, Arden, Dale.
More common gender neutral names that i’ve loved:
Sydney, Jamie,
Blue, Heron, Kin, Rain, Cyan
I knew a Larkin in college and I always thought it was a nice name!
Otherwise, Blair, Bailey, Cary, Logan, Micah, Perry, Peyton? I also see Alex as a stand-alone name, but perhaps it’s too close to a nickname for you.
Breaking or Stokely
Breckin not “Breaking”
I LOVE Larkin. It’s a longstanding “name that got away.” I also second Cedar, Ash, Sage, Aspen, and Gray.
I know a kid whose parents declined to gender them named Sparrow.
Conley
Rylan
Jordan
Sage
Hayden
Peyton
Tatum
Carson (nn Sunny)
Rain
Zephyr
Zion
Rio
Sage
Cedar
Lake
Clary
Aspen
Soven
Arden
I wanted gender neutral and we don’t find out the sex until birth. My children’s names are Parker and Reeve.
Some others on the list were Davis, Abraxas, Ambrose, Arden, Asha, Aster, Avalon, Blake, Brighton, Cassidy, Charing, Clarke, Coby/ Colby/ Cody, Dale, Darby/ Darcy, Delaney, Dylan, Elm, Emeric, Emerson, Emery/ Emre, Everett/ Evergreen, Fielding, Forest, Harvest, Jarrah, Jay, Joey, Jesse, Lennon, Meridian, Midnight, Quincy, Rae, Rafferty, Rain, Reya/ Raya, Riley, River, Rush, Sage, Seren, Shelby, Sheridan, Slade, Sloane, Star, Tate, Tempe, Tinsley, Tora, Tova, Whittaker, Wren, Zarek, Zephyr
Some a bit more out there than others, some more feminine, some more masculine. We are in Australia so that might make a difference to the gender-neutrality of the name. Good luck, cannot wait to see what you come up with! All the best
Ooh I don’t know if I’d ever be brave enough to use Meridian for me, but I love love love it for someone else! If I met a baby Meridian I would make zero gender assumptions and would be slow-clapping the bold naming choices of the parents.
I totally agree! Some on my list were much bolder than others!
I actually know a couple that named their baby girl Meridian!
Sasha or Dara? I know a little boy name Dara (his family are Irish), but I’ve also met a woman with the same name. And I know a boy named Sasha, and I’ve known women with the name as well. Or Robin? Jordan? I’ve also known both boys and girls named Brooklyn, does that appeal?
Easton
Wallis
Rowan
Ren
Sky/skylar
Sunny
Sorrel
And adding my vote for Robin!
Oh, what about Coby?
I think most of the truly gender neutral names are not as current or as unique as you might be looking for, but here are a few suggestions of names where I truly would not have a hunch about the gender:
Blair
Jordan
Cameron
Morgan
Dylan
Jude, Spencer, Noa, Bryce, Blake, Camden, Shiloh, Sidney, Teagan, Cedar, Winslow, Brecken.
I love Avery and Jules so much!
They may be dated now but the only truly gender neutral names I’ve ever encountered are Taylor and Jordan. I once met a m/f couple with those names and I honestly could never remember who was who. At the least they may be a useful comparison for determining gender neutral-ness or gender assumptions:
Taylor and River
Jordan and Larkin
Taylor and Sage
Jordan and Robin
River is <3
I really like Ambrose but with your last name it might sound like a law firm?
Leaf
Elm
Brinn
Kestrel
Lazuli
Garnet
Silver
Poe (superfan rule?)
Chord
Ode
Cordell
Clancy
Cleary
Echo
Halo (superfan rule?)
Fate
Farrar
Onyx
Sydney/Sidney
Frances/Francis
Hayden
Jayden
Arlo
Colby
Clancy
Carter
Corbin
Chandler
Hunter
Forrest
Kyle
Tristan
Kellan
Ember
Raven?
Sylvan?
Kade?
Kerry,
Robin,
Sage,
River,
Cedar,
Parker,
Porter,
Sorrel,
Tanager,
Rene’ ?
Frances & Francis are homophones, if you can figure out a way to un-gender the spelling.
I’ll throw one of my all time favourite Welsh names into the ring – Hayden! I also love Morgan.
Lou? Otherwise, I love Rory or Linden for this baby.
I think Robin is such a beautiful and friendly gender neutral name. I also love the suggestion of Merritt and would like to add Emrys. I agree with Swistle that Jules is a stand alone name and should be added back to the list!
I came back to suggest Sidney but I see it mentioned above!
Aspen made me think of Cedar. I’ve known exactly one boy and one girl Cedar. Larken made me think of Wren, which I think is mostly used for girls, but Kevin Bacon in Footloose was called Wren, or perhaps it was Ren? Ren reminds me a bit of Remy. Or Rey.
Some other ideas, Sage, Haven, Grey. I also thought of occupational names that could be gender neutral: Poet, Harper, Piper, Sawyer.
Drew/Dru/Drue
Cole
Landen
Leslie
Alex
Reagan
Addison
Keagan
Peyton
Ash/Ashe
Blair
I’ve been revisiting gender neutral names with my kids now that non-binary identities are being fully embraced by our community. Here’s our own list. Some might still read as gendered, but picturing a new generation of kiddos trying them out means that the sound is less gendered even if the heritage isn’t:
Ines/Innes/Inez
Jean
Aubry
Romy
Blythe
Blair
Greer
Meredith
Loren
Nico
Tes
Suvi (Finnish for summer)
Juno
Oriel
Owynn
Riley!
Linden? Rune?
The only Jules I know is non-binary. :D
Bellamy
Julian
Tulip
Paz
Merry
Fennec
Lael
Seconding Fennec – I initially considered it as a boy’s name, but Fennec Shand from Star Wars helps keep it a solid option for girls as well.
Rowan
Tiernan
Auden
Adrian
I second Casey, Taylor and Robin, and I think Basil fits your criteria.
Basil Meyers-Phillips
Jordan hits many of the things you want…gender-neutral, two syllables, easy to spell and easy to say.
I think Larkin is not at all an ugly name. I love it. I do think Lark tends feminine, the only Lark I know is a woman and she was named for a quote from Romeo and Juliet, “It was the lark, the herald of the morn”.
What about Ray? It’s gender neutral (I wouldn’t be able to guess from a list), easy to spell and say. Nature connection too (ray of sun) or even a nerdy-math-geometry connection if you wanted.
Are there any suitable surnames in your families that could work? My friend recently named her baby McKay, it’s her surname and she would have used it for a son or a daughter.
What about a place name that is meaningful to you?
I didn’t read all of the comments to see if any of these have already been suggested, but three gender neutral names that came to mind for me as I read this. All three lean more male, I think, but if I saw them on a roster I wouldn’t automatically assume male or female:
Devin/Deven
Dylan
I’ve known an equal number of male and female Devins and Dylans.
Micah
I know that this is a male name in the Bible, but I’ve only known three Micahs in my life and two were female and one was male. Also, I’ve never encountered someone witht he name Mica but it dawns on me that if you spelled it that way it is like the mineral and has a nature connection.
Posting before reading the other comments:
Larkin makes me think of the poet so I think it’s pretty neutral. And Larkin makes me think of Lorca after Federica Garcia Lorca. Leonard Cohen named his daughter Lorca.
We had a girl Dorian and boy Dorian in my school. I’ve always liked it.
Darby?
Aubrey?
Teague/Teagan?
Sorry, FedericO
A few more:
Walker ( I’ve known M&F)
Quinn
Skyla(e)r
Jem (nickname for James and J(G)emma and i love it)
Nature or surname names are probably the way to go.
What about Willow? I’m surprised no-one else has mentioned it. I know both a girl and a boy Willow here in Australia.
Dale, Robin, and Teagan are three names who I wouldn’t even guess whether they were boy or girl beforehand
Raven
Raven Myers-Phillips
I think a LOT of surname names are great to gender neutral names. Admittedly, some do fall into the “only gender-neutral for girls” but worth exploring!
Monroe
Quin/Quincy
Pruitt
Anderson
Callahan
Clark
Darcy
Flynn
Kerrigan
Lachlan
Sullivan
Sloane
Willis
Honorable mention to Scout because it’s not a surname but may still work!
Love the idea of Darcy. Darby or Colby are similar options.
Blair
Elliot
Landry
Ellery
Linden (I like the nn Indy)
Shea or Shay
Whit
I love the suggestion of Linden!
My default list of gender neutral names is fairly limited, so I appreciate this question. My default list is Taylor, Jamie, Cameron, Jordan.
— Cory. From 1972-1990, this name was also in the top 1000 for women. The name is currently ranked 907 for boys. I know both genders using this name.
— Winslow has not in been the top 1000 names for any year of birth beginning with 1900. I imagine it on a boy, but would pause because of the possible Winnie nn.
— Shiloh. I think the name usage has become more common now so it doesn’t just seem like a celebrity name. It has comparable usage (675 girls / 436 boys named this in 2020)
— Sonny/Sunny. Is there a way to play with the typically gendered spelling to get to a non-gendered option? Sunday with this as a nickname? Meh, this may be in the Lee/Leigh, Francis/Frances, Aaron/Erin heap.
– Zephyr. If I was to encounter this name on a baby, I wouldn’t know to which gender to default.
– Revel. If River and Rue aren’t quite right, how about Revel?
I’ve never thought about the point that Elizabeth brought up! How interesting and accurate! I think I have similar tastes with the poster. My first daughter is Briar and I’ve had many people tell me they also know male Briars. At doctor’s offices she’s often referred to as a “he” as well. I myself have only met other female Briars.
I am a champion of the name Larkin. It’s been on my list for both of my daughters. I’ve only met one Larkin in my life and it was a man, and I’d like it for girl or boy. My second daughter is Winslow and I imagine most people aren’t positive of her gender on first glance either. Other names that commenters have mentioned that I truly would not know (most names I’d make an assumption based on spelling): Quincy, Campbell, Ellis, and Merritt.
Ooh what bout Alden? Love that name and I think it works perfectly on both genders!
Or Wynn!
Or Wynn!
As a teacher, I’d need to know more information about the students on my roster if they came to me with the following names:
Logan
Parker
Cameron
Hayden
Rowan
Alex
Some nature names…
Argan
Cypress
Jonquil
Salix
Yarrow
Finch
Copper
Junix (dragonfly genus)
Already mentioned:
Ash
Cedar
Sage
Kestrel
I think of Bryn & Wyn as gender neutral, although I believe in Welsh they were boy’s names.
I haven’t met a Larkin but I have come across the surname Larkham, which I like and feels neutral to me.
A bit left field but what about Jem or Gem?
Ash and Rowan go either way for me. What about Cedar or Linden? Adair?
What about a colour? Azure, Azul or Blue? Garnet?
I have met two non-binary people with the chosen name of Nova.
Blake! One of my favorites for both boys or girls.
Rowan – I def know kids of all genders with this name
Grayson/Gracen
Swistle’s response made me think about which names, if any, are “only gender neutral for a boy.” I think of ones that started off more commonly used as boy names then switched to being more commonly used on girls: Kelly, Shannon, Kerry/Carey. Maybe Ashley or Jodie? I would feel like I was making a “gender-neutral choice” if I used it on a boy but not on a girl.
Mid-century neutrals like Robin might be something to think about.
I went to college with a Larkin! I always loved her name.
Moll, I was thinking of the same thing. I thought of Kelly, and most of my other names were older names that have “been girl” for a while now – Leslie, Meredith, Tracy, Shannon.
One I haven’t seen mentioned is Afton, I think it fits most of the criteria. It is the name of a river in Scotland and featured in a poem by Robert Burns. Nickel Creek has a lovely song called “Sweet Afton” and I know two people named Afton – one sweet little girl and one middle-aged man and I think it is lovely for both.
Other names that are on my list that have been previously mentioned are Keegan/Keagan, Merritt, and Sawyer.
And still thinking . . . Harbor, Brighton, and Juneau may also fit. Good luck! I look forward to the update on this one – this was fun criteria to think about.
Afton! That’s the name I was trying to remember but couldn’t!
I think Rory and Linden are both great choices!
Also came to say, I named my first child Remy and in 4.5 years no one has mentioned the guns or the rat! We chose it because of it’s association to rowing (my husband and I met on the rowing team in college).
Greer!
I was thinking of other names that I wouldn’t be able to guess what their gender was and came up with Fen, Glenn, Honor, Justice, Truth, Cam, Valor, Torey, Terry, Noel (I know 4, two men, two women), Corey (I know 5, three men, two women), Kenya (I know 3, two women, one man, all Black), Drew, Merit, Jamie, Brook, Garden, Lane, Rill, Pat, Toby
My favourites here would be:
Dusty
Riley
Luka
Emerson
Blair
I came to add Winter, I’ve met one of each & love it with your surname. Miller is also good, but I agree with others that 3 surnames start to sound like a law firm.
I would suggest Sterling. I know both male and female with the name. I feel it’s gender neutral. Might fit your criteria.
I keep thinking about this post and names where I wouldn’t know if the name was associated with a male or female. Blair, Kelly, Logan, Carson, Cameron, Morgan all come to mind.
I keep thinking about this post too and trying to think of times when I would not assume M/F based on name alone. There are so many great suggestions. Morgan, Jordan and Rory were the first that came to mind as I know both males and females with these names. Many others that have been suggested fit really well too.
Morgan
Jordan
Rory
Linden
Skyler
Cameron
Blake
Shea
Riley
Robin (I might assume female if I just read the name)
Jude (I would assume male if I just read the name, but know a baby girl Jude and it works too)
Food for thought: Of the 3000 names that have been in use since the 1950s there are only two that have been consistently gender neutral: Jessie and Marion. All the rest are on their way from one gender to another.
https://namerology.com/2020/10/08/the-unisex-name-myth/
Morgan
Jordan
Tatum
I know boys/girls for each and because of that, I do not think of any of them name as only boy or only girl names.
What about Ellis? Elliott?
Brennan. I could picture this on a boy or girl.
I had a coworker with three children with gender neutral names. I knew at least one was a boy and at least one was a girl, but I couldn’t deduce which was which until I finally met them all in person. The children’s names were Robin, Linden, and Shea.
Family friends of mine named both of their children before delivery with gender a surprise.
Ash and Morgan.
Both are wonderful names!
Names still on their list for future children are Devin and Tory.
So good, so good.
I was already thinking Kai for you when I then read that it was on your rejected list. :(
We named our child Kai. I first encountered the name on a German student. When our child was born, and in the years since, various people have associated it with, yes, Hawaiian, but also Celtic, Nordic, Japanese, and Greek – it’s one of the things I love about the name!
We’ve encountered people of different genders with the name. It’s short and easy to spell and recognizable without being super common.
Lots of great suggestions out there! Best wishes to you.
Every time I read this post, the same name comes to mind, and I haven’t seen it suggested – it’s not my personal style – and since I’m nowhere close to a baby name expert, there might be a very obvious reason it wasn’t suggested that I’m missing, but…
Phoenix
I agree with Swistle – certain names are gender neutral but can lean heavily one way. Phoenix, to me, would be 50/50 male/female. It is unique but not unheard of, it is easily recognizable and pronounceable in US, and it is 2 syllables!
I was listening to the radio on my way home and the two artists who played back to back were both named Morgan (Wade and Wallen— country singers). One female, one male. It made me think of this post.
Some friends I have with this set of criteria used the name Asa.
River! The name that got away. It always makes me so happy to encounter it in the real world. I truly love it for all genders!
Others that are wonderful:
Oakley
Sage
Skyler
Lake
Hadley
I know a teenage Larkin and he is wonderful. I
Would never think negatively about that name. If you love it, you should use it!
We have a two Sloanes in the family of different genders: a 30-something-year-old female and an under-5-year-old male.
Gracin / Graysen
Aren (I’m pronouncing it like Aaron/Erin)
Loren
Jensen / Jennings
Place names, as someone with a friend with a child named McKay mentioned previously.
Cairo
Montgomery (Monty, Emery)
Raleigh
Walden
Milan
Paris
Kensington (Kennie)
Arden
Forsythe
Monaco
And, yes, nature names:
Westin
Easton
Zenith
Summit
Halston
Dale
Storm
Also word names:
Beacon / Beckon
Roam
Quest
Solace
Golden
Odyssey
Genesis
Cascade
Burgess (BER-jis)
Holiday / Holliwell
Poets/ Artists / Inventors (although, superfan…)
Keats / Keaton
Monet
Rembrandt (Remy)
Dalí
Tesla or Nicola (Cole)
Kardashian Names
Saint
North
True
Dream
Chicago
Reign
I once heard of a child named Oli Blu [lastname]. Maybe too nicknamey for you though.