Dear Swistle,

I am so excited to be writing to you, after about 10 years with my husband and 37 years loving all things baby names.

I am expecting a baby boy this December. This will be our only child. I knew, prior to finding out the baby’s sex, that naming a girl would be FAR easier for my husband and I than a boy.

For starters, my husband has the seemingly-traditional male issue of liking names that he grew up with, and because he works with kids, he also likes names that he hears now. Neither of these naming styles work with my more classic, traditional approach. But for girls, we had room for compromise:

I liked Sophie, he liked Sophia
I liked Caroline, he liked Carrie
I loved Fiona, he was open to it (ha!)

And there were probably 10 or 15 other names that we could have done that with. So. MANY. Options.

He also loved names like Mykayla, Mckenna, Mykelti, etc. Nope. But as we are having a boy, no worrying about that now.

When it comes to boys, we’ve tried one of those apps where baby naming meets Tinder. The names we both “like” (though neither of us LOVE):

Grant
Samuel
Noah
Augustus (for me, just as a middle name, but we could call him Gus-so then I’d be a little more open to a first name choice)

He also really likes Sebastian; I’m open to it as a middle name.

His other name choices:
Zayden
Braylin
and many other -lin and -den names. He is also open to gender-neutral names (he has one), I am NOT.

I love the name Henry. I can definitely “see” that being our baby’s name. My husband is not exactly on board, but hasn’t vetoed. I also really like William, which is a family name on my side, though it feels more like a middle name.

As far as other names I like:

Calvin
Conrad
Everett
George (family name)
Hugh
Julian
…I typically like girl names with nicknames, but I don’t really like any boy names with known nicknames!

He is not into any of the names on my list. So we are at a standstill. We both barely talk about it, and while I’m open to going to the hospital with two names to choose between, I’d like for us to both be on the same page with the two names (like Noah William or Henry Sebastian-which gives me a thrill when I say it btw) but we aren’t there yet. I know a nickname for Henry is H@nk, which was my husband’s grandfather’s nickname, so I thought that might help sell it for him, but so far no significant excitement there.

One more fun fact: our last name is “heinz” but spelled like the second half of a specific lower body part ha. Meaning, I am not comfortable giving our child a name that starts with B. I just think that’s asking for trouble. That’s partly why I think William is a better middle name-I like Billy, but B. Heinz is just not going to work.

Of course being a huge fan of your blog, I firmly believe that at least one name should come from my family, and/or be more of ‘my’ naming choice because our son is getting his father’s last name (and FYI my maiden name works ZERO percent with his-there’s definitely no room for combining hence why I took his name ha). Shouldn’t women get 51% of all naming rights?!

So any help you could provide on classic names that maybe have a more modern nickname, or something old-fashioned with a bit of a zing, that would be great!

Glancing just at the two Favorites lists, I see room for concern: it feels like there isn’t much chance of compromise between a list containing names such as Zayden and Braylin and a list containing names such as Henry and Everett. However, as soon as we get out of Favorites territory, I see tons of hope: you both like Grant, Samuel, and Noah! He likes SEBASTIAN and AUGUSTUS, which I would NOT have predicted based on Zayden and Braylin!

So you two are ALL SET: the issue here is just that you are not likely to find a baby name that you both LOVED from the very beginning. This is super common, and it’s one of the reasons I don’t like having “WE BOTH HAVE TO LOVE IT” as a baby-name requirement. For some couples, different naming styles means a name like that does not exist. And yet the baby still needs a name. And so the goal becomes: Let’s find a name we can both feel satisfied with. Because it is also very, very likely that you will both GROW to love the name.

You have some time before the baby is born, and I suggest using that time to Let Go of the Favorites and focus on the Like But Don’t Love list. (It may still turn out that one of the favorites will end up being The Name: we have seen this happen many times over the years, especially with partners who seem a little meh about the whole naming process during the pregnancy. But best to let that be a happy surprise, if it happens.) Write the Like But Don’t Love names on a piece of paper and put it up where you both see it many times a day. Have both parents rank the names in order of preference (it’s fine to have more than one name sharing the same ranking), and see if any of the names are ranked near/at the bottom for both of you and can be eliminated from consideration. Try out first names with various middle names, and see if any of the combinations give either of you a little thrill. Grant William Heinz. Augustus George Heinz. Noah Sebastian Heinz. Grant Sebastian Heinz. Etc. Do you have a favorite family name or name from your list that you would feel especially thrilled to use as the balance to using your husband’s surname? Start with that name, and see what combinations you can come up with.

I am not particularly skilled at coming up with unusual nicknames, but we have some among us who ARE, and I hope they will take a look at your list of favorites and see if there is anything that might bring your husband around to those choices. George/Geordie? Calvin/Cal/Vinnie? Any chance he’s a Jules Verne fan and would appreciate Julian/Jules? In fact, that’s another line to pursue, if you have the energy: I enticed Paul to fall for a certain name by mentioning the various famous people he knew of who shared that name. Wikipedia has useful entries (here’s the one for Conrad) that contain lists of famous people who have the name as either a first name or a surname.

And perhaps we can add to the Like list, to make it more fun to consider. Do you have a copy of The Baby Name Wizard? You can look up any name and see what other names are suggested. If you look up Grant, for example, the suggestions are Reid, Garrett, Dean, Brooks, Lincoln, Preston. Maybe you think Brooks is going the wrong direction but Reid sounds great, so then you look up Reid; the suggestions are Grant, Ross, Elliott, Blake, Nolan, Graham. Hey, Nolan is kind of like Noah! Elliott is kind of like Everett! Etc.! There are also categories that seem like they might be what you’re looking for: “old-fashioned with a bit of a zing” could be Elegant Antiques (August, Cyrus, Jasper, Oliver, Silas, Theodore), or Stately Classics (Arthur, Crawford, Edmund, Frederick, Louis), or Solid Citizens (Clark, Ellis, Stanley, Warren), or Timeless (Anderson, Davis, Elliott, Nolan, Simon). Augustus doesn’t have its own entry for looking up name suggestions, but it’s found in several categories, including Exotic Traditionals (Alastair, Barnaby, Cedric, Milo) and the aforementioned Elegant Antiques.

Name update:

Thank you SO MUCH for posting my naming conundrum and for the great advice and comments that followed. Though my husband and I had planned to sit down and really discuss names before the official due date (today!), our son decided to make his world debut one month early.

Post-delivery, my lovely husband came around to my ‘compromise’ name of Henry Seb@sti@n (which still gives me a thrill to say!) and at one month old, Sir Henry is healthy and thriving! Thanks again!