Dear Swistle,
My husband and I are expecting our first child, a girl, in early October. We are torn between two names and it feels impossible to choose! Our last name rhymes with McTune and the middle name will be my maiden name.
The two names we are deciding between are Rose and Laine/Lane (I know Laine is the traditional spelling of the girls name, but I personally prefer the look of Lane. However, spelling is not the issue here). Although we’ve tried not to share potential names with many people in fear that their reactions would influence us too greatly, there does seem to be strong preference by friends towards Rose.
We both have short, familiar (some may say common) names and have always appreciated that. I never wished that instead of Kate I had been named something more exotic. I really appreciate having a short, classic name. Rose definitely fits the bill, but is Lane too out there? Should we go with Rose even if we have a slight preference towards Lane in order ensure that our little girl has a Perfectly Acceptable and Well Liked Name?
Help!!!
Kate & Chris
It’s obvious to me (and I suspect to you) that the answer to your final question is no. It sounds to me more as if you’re feeling pressure on various levels to prefer/use Rose, and you would rather make your choice WITHOUT those pressures—and for what it’s worth, I certainly think that you can go ahead and choose the name you prefer rather than the name some of the other people in your life prefer. Other people’s preferences are generally fleeting and shallow: that is, you may indeed be correctly assessing that some of your friends and family have a strong preference for the name Rose—but I doubt any of them care deeply, or that they will continue to care long after the baby is born and named. It may help to think about how you’ve felt in the past about what your friends/family have named THEIR children: even if you had a reaction/opinion, did you DEEP-DOWN care? did you LASTINGLY care? Or did you have a flicker of interest and then go on with your life, unaffected?
Certainly I think it’s appropriate to feel SOME pressure from society/culture: if you were trying to decide between the names Rose and Yogurt, and you were getting shocked/horrified reactions to the name Yogurt from a few trusted friends and family members, I would suggest you should consider that feedback carefully, as it might represent how the larger society would react as well. But when we are talking about the names Rose and Lane, and about different people just having different naming styles, I don’t think you need to be unduly influenced by what other people might prefer. Lane is less common, but I would not put it in the Out There category: it feels familiar and normal and non-startling.
I think of Laine as another possible spelling, but not as “the right/traditional spelling for girls” or anything: Lane feels correct for anyone.
I notice two small things, neither of which are objectively positive or negative, but both of which I would want to think about ahead of time. The first is that Lane with your surname is a little sing-songy. “Lane” and “[T]une” have similar word structures (one syllable, long vowel, -ne ending), and then the “Mc” in the middle gives it the little storybook hop of a children’s book/poem. The second thing I notice is that the name Lane is somewhat similar to the name Kate: one syllable, dominant long-A vowel.
Because Rose and Lane are quite stylistically different, I think it could be helpful to think ahead to future sibling names, to make sure neither name is an outlier of your usual style. Would you want to use Rose and Lane in the same sibling group, or does using one of them rule out using the other? Does the rest of your list look more like Lane, or more like Rose, or is it a nice mix? Usage of the name Lane is currently unisex-leaning-fairly-strongly-boy in the United States (103 new baby girls and 1360 new baby boys named Lane in 2020, according to the Social Security Administration) (another 111 new baby girls and 99 new baby boys were named Laine that same year); the name Rose is currently used exclusively for girls. Look at the rest of your favorites list: do they tend to be unisex? exclusively boy/girl? a mix? Imagine you have one or two more children after this one: can you make a satisfactory sibling set with either Rose or Lane as the firstborn? Do you find yourself preferring one set of names over another? If there is no trouble coming up with future names to go with either Rose or Lane, and if either set seems good to you, then I see no reason you shouldn’t very naturally choose whichever name you find you prefer.
But if you remove other people’s preferences as far as you are able to do so (it is nearly impossible for some of us not to consider them), and you still can’t decide, then you could try doing some little games/exercises: Narrowing Down a List; Deciding Between Two Finalists. And/or you could see if you can find more names similar to Rose/Lane: Sloane, Lynn, Fern, Joan, Ivy, Brynn, Pearl, Jean, Jane, Grace, Eve, Leigh, Claire, etc. Or you could take some time off: you have some time left before the baby is here, and you have two names you both love, so you are in a good place right now. If it is helpful, I will say that I don’t see much danger here of Choosing the Wrong Name: both names seem like good solid choices that would serve a person well.
Update:
Thank you so much for all the help. In the end, we decided to go with our gut and baby Lane was born in October. Although there have been one or two less than enthusiastic responses to her name, we love it and it seems to fit her well.
I feel so strongly in favor of Lane! It’s not too out there, it feels really fresh. And it seems like you love it!
It’s so hard to know what people will think. My brother and SIL named their baby something fairly unusual (more unusual than Lane) and got some pushback (not me, I would never). Now my nephew doesn’t seem like he could have any other name. Then a famous couple used the same name and now they’re annoyed. So who knows?!
I know a 1-year-old named Lane and it suits her so well. The name felt unexpected and fresh when I heard it, but not shocking or “out-there” by any means. On the other hand, Rose is one of my personal favorite names and is so rare as a first name! I don’t think you can go wrong with either—pick what you like best.
Though I didn’t do this, I like the idea of taking both names to the hospital with you and deciding when you meet the baby. Like Swistle said, they’re both great choices. You can’t go wrong!
For me, Lane is 100% Lane Kim from Gilmore Girls, which makes it feel both familiar and feminine. Even if people in your life prefer Rose, I can almost guarantee that out in the world, strangers will give enthusiastic positivity from Lane because it’s familiar but not everywhere.
My friend has a young daughter named Lane and it totally works. Her naming style does lean more unisex, but maybe yours does too – I do think that thinking about what sibling names you might like in the future could help in making a decision. But Lane definitely works as a little girl’s name.
If you want to say Lane daily but feel hesitant about it, I can think of several long forms you could use iff (if and only if) you love those as well: Delaney, Helene, Elena, Magdalene, Adeleine, Elaine.
But—it seems from your letter that you really want her to be Lane McTune, that you’re yearning for it. So, do that!
If Lane seems farther than you want to go, what about Jane? It’s so classic (like Rose) but has the same sound as Lane. It’s seems rarely used as a first name so it will sound fresh while also being super familiar. I love Jane. (I also love Lane. Delaney nn Lane was one of my “so sad I couldn’t use” list.)
Something that has not been mentioned and is worth thinking about is your “fuss tolerance”.
Neither Rose nor Lane could be called fussy names by any stretch, but you are already aware that there are different spellings for Lane. It is not hard to say “Lane … L . A . N . E .”, and if that is your preference you won’t mind doing it (tolerable fuss), but that is not likely something you would have to clarify for Rose (no fuss).
I know that sometimes when I ask people for help deciding between two things, and they give me a preference, what they prefer helps to clarify my feelings about both options. You asked your people, they said Rose, and it clarified in your mind a preference for Lane (otherwise you wouldn’t be here asking us). You prefer Lane, Lane is a perfectly good name, and I personally would not bat an eye at a sibset of Lane and Rose, so you aren’t even having to give up anything. I would go for your preference!
Three thoughts:
1. My daughters middle name is Lane and I often call her FN MN and get frequent positive feedback on it. It’s sweet, it’s simple, it’s tailored. All of which i think is true of Rose too.
2. If you had a 2nd daughter, i think you could use the other name. I like them together regardless of style. But I’d think through nicknames (do you plan to use Rosie/Lanie? Would you mind using them together?) if you didn’t want to use both.. i do agree with Swistle. I think if Lane’s sister isn’t Rose, then it’s Sloane, Rowan, Quinn, Wren. If Rose’s sister isn’t Lane, then it’s Lydia, Matilda, Mae, Adele, Clara.
3. This sounds like a case for “wait and meet her”. I strongly suspect one will feel right.
Definitely use Lane/Laine! My son had a Laine in his prek class and I thought it was just sweetest/coolest name. I would assume Laine is a girl and Lane is a boy, if that matters to you.
I like Lane! It sounds warmer than Rose.
Laine / Lane is one of my top names for girls! I vote yes for sure!
Just wanted to reinforce a couple of the other comments:
1) The actual usage of Lane is unisex-leaning-boy, but because of the popularity of “Gilmore Girls” and the (female) character Lane Kim, I don’t think people will be at all surprised to hear it on a girl!
2) I think Lane is a perfectly good spelling (although there’s nothing wrong with Laine either, of course) — when she’s introducing herself, she can say, “I’m Lane, as in ‘walk down a lane.'” An easy, quick explanation!
3) I must admit to a slight preference for Rose, especially with your surname — Rosie McTune sounds just adorable! But then, Laney McTune is pretty great also! As others have said, you really can’t go wrong.
I think that Rose is a very current name—fits in with those retro-vintage-feminine names and so of course it will get the most positive feedback. Lane isn’t quite as current, and has really never experienced the same kind of popularity as Rose (although I wouldn’t consider either name “out there”). Rose is lovely, but I lean towards Lane both because I love a slightly unexpected name and because you prefer it.
I like Rose better, both because Lane and McTune feel too close for my taste and because I simply prefer Rose.
That said, my taste, and your circle’s, is irrelevant; it’s *your* taste that matters here. If you love Lane best, go for it, and all the naysayers can just get over it.
I prefer Rose but Lane is not too far out there. Since you like both, have you considered a hybrid of the two, like Roselaine, Rosalind, Roselane, Rose-Laine, Roselyn, etc. Or a double middle like Rose Lane Maiden McTune?
I don’t think Lane is too out there. I think it’s very pretty and lends itself to the nickname Laney if you think Lane is too grown up of a name for a baby.
Rose is also a nice name, but it sounds like you like Lane more!
I have a friend named Lane who uses the nickname Laney. It’s a nice option to have.
My sibling’s middle name is Lane and every single person who finds that out says “Oh what a cool name!” I considered using it for a child but we ended up having too many other options; it didn’t make the cut. But if a surprise baby showed up on my doorstep (and what a surprise that would be), Lane would be right at the top of my list.