Hi Swistle,
Big time nerd fan of your blog here. I’ve been reading every post religiously for years, and when I initially found your website I went back and read all the archives too! The time has finally come for me to write in on my own…eek!
My husband and I are expecting our first child in May, a boy. Our biggest issue seems to be our differing tastes. We do have some overlap, but the overlap seems to be only with names we both sort of like. We both hate the names the other person loves. Meaning, we are left with just an “okay” feeling about all our top contenders.
Any advice for how to select from just okay names, that neither of us feel passionate about? Both of us are losing our enthusiasm which saddens me, as I’ve looked forward to this process my whole life. As you’ve advised before, a name really only needs to be a perfectly good name, but I’m struggling with it not being a name that makes my heart flutter.
I keep hoping our unicorn name will suddenly appear out of nowhere. This is seeming more and more doubtful, as we’ve been having name conversations for a while, and no unicorn so far. I’m hoping you and your readers might be a source of sparkly rainbow-y name magic that my research has alluded me?
Here are our considerations:
· Middle name will be Roberts after my maiden name. Last name is four syllables, T——i. I have proposed using Robert as the first and calling him Robin, but neither of us really like the name Robert, and I worry about bestowing equally “important” names on future children.
· We live in the US, I’m white, my husband is Indian. He feels it would be nice to have a name that is recognizable in India, although it’s not required. He doesn’t feel super tied to Indian culture, but we will be visiting family there often. It doesn’t even have to be spelled the Indian way, if there is a more common American spelling. I know international suggestions are not your forte, but like I said, this isn’t required, and this understanding will help frame our list below.
· My family is big on genealogy and has Welsh ancestry. My husband also likes the idea of a Welsh name (he thinks it would provide a convenient excuse of not giving an Indian name). We also both tend to think Welsh names are cool, but of course we like different ones. Also, obviously not required.
· We seem to like “R” names. I love Rhiannon (also my own middle name) for a girl. I don’t want to be a one-initial family, so I’m nervous about the future if we choose an R name this time.Current compromise of *just okay* names:
Bodhi (Indian name)
Dean (Deen is an Indian name)
Harvey (we both like)
Kieran (Kiran is an Indian name)
Ruben (Rubin is an Indian name)
Vaughn (we both like)His favorites:
Avery (I actually don’t hate it, but it’s SO common, I just can’t get on board)
Keanu (yes, after the actor, eye roll)
Niam
Rhodri (“Rod-dree” – he found this on a list of Welsh names and fell in love, I actually don’t hate it, but its just so rare, seems like it would always be mispronounced)
Rowan (this one feels too trendy to me)
Royce (too much car vibes)My favorites:
Addison
Beau (hoping if we use Bodhi, we can use Bo as a nickname, he feels it’s a dog name)
Bryce
Heath
Loren
Rhys (swoon! But would definitely rule out Rhiannon. It seems like there should be some compromise here with Royce/Rhys but we are at a stalemate)
Rhett (he really hates this one)Unicorn that unfortunately had to be ruled out:
Asa (the one name we both loved! But it’s a family name that has a baggage associated with it)Indian-friendly names that have been ruled out:
Aric/Adric
Ash
Jay (Jai)
Neil (Neel)
Sean (Shaan)Help! Our styles are all over the place and we are feeling lost. We need a wise guru to comb through this mess and provide some sage and stern advice. Perhaps some new suggestions, or some fun exercises/activities to help us find passion amongst our current choices?
Thank you!
STP.S. – I promise to email an update. I too feel so unfulfilled when posts go without!
To pick out a detail first: I don’t think if you use your maiden name for a first child that you need to find something equally Important for future children. It is extremely common for a firstborn to get an Important name (Jr./III/etc.; a family name handed down for generations; the best honor name) and extremely common for the reality of it to be that one name IS more important than the others, and that is why it was used first. Fortunately, from the children’s point of view, Important Names tend to be a little iffy: it isn’t as if the firstborn will definitely sashay around saying “I got GRANDPA’S name and YOU didn’t!!” From the children’s point of view, maybe the honor name is Better, or maybe getting one’s own name (or a more current name, or a more popular name, or a less popular name, or WHATEVER) is Better, or maybe they will not care much about any of it. But if you want to use a tip from a friend of mine: what they did was deliberately use The Most Important Honor Name for the secondborn, figuring that firstborns DO tend to sashay around talking about being oldest, so this way each kid got something. (As it turned out, though, this meant their firstborn is oldest AND, in the view of the children, has the Better name, so there’s really no way to predict/win this game.)
To select another detail: I too worried about feeling pressured to keep going with a certain initial, since our boy-name choice and girl-name choice started with the same letter and we wanted to use both names. I was relieved when our second child was also a boy, so there would definitely be a gap between the uses of that initial. (Though then I fretted that people would think we were having a third child “just to get a girl,” so this is another situation where apparently there was no winning.) Well, and then it turned out that by the time we DID have a girl, we’d changed our first-choice girl name anyway. A slightly risky way to solve/prevent this issue is to use a non-R name first; then after that, you can feel free to use as many R names as you want, without it making a pressurey theme. But I preferred the method of bracing myself ahead of time (unnecessarily, as it turned out) for saying “Oh! No, that was a coincidence: we just happened to like two names that started with the same initial.”
Okay, let’s finally look at the lists. I feel like you two have SO much potential for finding something. Avery and Addison are both unisex surname names. He has Royce, you have Bryce and Rhys. He has Rowan, you have Loren. And, as you’ve mentioned, you both seem to like R names. And you both sound very flexible and accommodating about the Indian/Welsh name issue. Really, you’re both VERY GOOD. It makes me hope we can find you something! …Or, that if we fail, you will nevertheless succeed without our help!
My first suggestion is Rory. It’s a unisex name similar in sound to Rhodri and Loren.
Next let’s browse some -ce/-se names:
Chase
Francis/Frank (this is because Frances came up in my search result)
Jace
Lance
Laurence (Loren + ce)
Pierce
Terrence/Terry
Vance
Vincent/Vince
I feel like at least half of those are not your style AT ALL, but I included them anyway: sometimes a not-right name can prompt someone to think of a better option.
Now let’s look at some surname names!
Alcott (perhaps not with a T___ surname)
Alden
Ames (a bit of the sound of Asa?)
Beckett (perhaps not with a T___ surname)
Brennan
Crosby
Darby
Darcy
Ellis
Emory
Harris
Hollis
Keane (I’d sell this as a little secret nod to Keanu)
Keaton (this one, too: “It’s sort of like Keanu, but less obvious!”)
Kellen
Lawson
Miller
Nolan
Perry
Reid
Wesley
Again, I am not thinking that these just SMACK of your style, but perhaps they will lead to other ideas.
I want to make a case for Avery. When a couple is having a lot of trouble choosing a name together and is beginning to lose their enthusiasm as you describe, I think it can be helpful to drop any preferences that are possible to drop. And I know you’ve seen me go off many times on the concept of popularity, and how it isn’t what it used to be. The name Avery is popular, and it’s even MORE common because it’s popular for girls as well as for boys. And it might be that in your own circle there are already too many Averys, and I can understand that. But if it’s more that it just feels too popular, I urge you to see if you can put that out of your mind, just as an experiment: if the name Avery were uncommon, would you start to feel enthusiasm for it? IF SO, see if you can nurture that little sprout of enthusiasm, see if it has the potential to grow. In situations like this one, I think we should nurture every tiny sprout.
A similar sprout to nurture: the Bodhi/Bo idea. (Although Bodhi with T______i feels like A Lot to me, so feel free to skip this if you don’t want to talk your husband into it.) Your husband thinks Bo is a dog name. Can he…get over that? Like, just DECIDE to get over it, the way he presumably would if someone said “I think of Royce as a dog name”? Maybe no, and that would be fine, just as it’s fine if you can’t get over the popularity of Avery! But if he could try it as an experiment: imagine if the name Bo did not seem like a dog name to him, had NEVER been used for ANY dog—would he start to feel enthusiasm for Bodhi/Bo? and would you, too? Give that sprout a little attention and see if it grows.
Rhodri is a sprout I’d like to nurture, but it feels like there are too many issues. The spelling. The pronunciation. The utter lack of usage in the United States. The possibility of it ruling out Rhiannon. The combination of it with the surname. The -i ending, which in the U.S. is used mostly for girl names. But it’s a nice sound, and I like that your husband chose it from Welsh names, and it sounds very much like the much more familiar name Audrey, so it OUGHT to work. We couldn’t respell it, could we? Rodrey? I don’t know; it feels like that detracts from its charm, and also would be mistaken for Rodney.
I’m interested in the name Niam. Does it rhyme with Liam? If so, I think that could be a very neat way to get a name that is quite different while also feeling quite familiar.
I would like to fish Adric out of the discard pile, though I would spell it Aidric. It feels like a crisper, fresher version of the more common Aidan and the somewhat dated Eric.
And I see a lot to love on the Just Okay list. Dean! Harvey! Kieran! Ruben! Vaughn! Just because SWISTLE loves some names doesn’t mean YOU TWO will love them—but on the other hand, sometimes hearing that someone else loves a name can be like water for a sprout, too. I have had Dean, Harvey, and Ruben all on my own list, and Dean and Harvey are still on my list, and Harvey in particular is a name of my heart, and I think Dean is particularly good with your surname. And I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but I just never get as excited about boy names as I do about girl names, and even though Paul and I are moderately compatible baby-namers, it still always comes down to more like “Which of these names do I feel most SATISFIED with?”/”Which of these names do I feel most WARMLY toward?” as opposed to “Which name do I most LOVE?” And, once a Pretty Satisfactory List has been assembled, I find that the lowering of standards leads to its own levels of fun. Like, here we go, perfectly good names, let’s just Pick One, no real pressure—and once that shift has happened, and I am looking at my Okay names on their own spectrum (with no “Names I Hate” on one end, and no “Names I Love But Can’t Have or Haven’t Found” on the other end), I can start to get more enthusiastic about the decision. (And, in one case, once we were at the Just Pick One stage, I DID think of another name I felt more enthusiasm for, and sold it to Paul, and we used it! …But pretend I didn’t say anything, because you don’t want to be HOPING for that to happen.)
And it can be fun to play the games you’ve seen me recommend, and I think those games are MORE fun with Just Fine names, because it can be more like Discovering Your Joint Preferences rather than Battle of the Passionate Favorites. Write them each on their own little half index card and put the cards near where you spend a lot of time, and just sort of lay them out in various ways and consider them and sort them. Or flip through them one a day and pretend each day that you’ve decided to use that name, and try it out in various ways the whole day, and refer to the baby that way to each other, and think about telling that name to friends/family/receptionists/teachers, and see how you feel. Have each parent rank the names (names may share rankings, so that for example you could have two names ranked #1, three names ranked #2, one name ranked #3, and so on) and see if there are any that are low for both of you or high for both of you. Write each first name out with the middle and surname, in printing and in cursive, maybe in a bunch of fonts on the computer, and see how you like the look of it; write the initials and see what you think. Make one of those little bracket things people use for sports and see which names win. Draw a name out of a hat, and pretend it’s the name you have to use, and see how you feel. Find famous people with each name and see if any of those names can coax you into liking the name even more.
There can also be room to put Flutter names in the middle name position, especially when the couple is using only one parent’s family’s surname. Perhaps your husband can’t settle on Rhys as the first name when he loves Royce, but would go for it as the middle name to balance things out.
Name update:
Hi Swistle,
Baby Boy T——-i arrived a few day ago on our anniversary! Three years and a family of three! Your letter and all the comments were very helpful. A lot of folks suggested Robert(s) as the first name (nn Bo), and while I’m normally a huge fan of giving the maiden name as a first name when possible (if I was a commenter I probably would have suggested this too!), ultimately we just didn’t like the name Robert enough to justify the honor. We went to the hospital still undecided, but by using your activities had narrowed it down to Dean, Bodhi, and Asa (we got the ok to add Asa back into the running). We tried calling him by each name for a few hours at a time and finally decided on Dean Roberts T——- i. To you and those that wrote about not focusing on finding a name you are passionately in love with, but instead reframing to find a name that you and your partner are mutually happy with, thank you! As soon as I thought of it in this new way (Discovering Your Joint Preferences), it was so satisfying to choose a name we both bonded over together, which is how Dean came to be.
ST
Omg- name him Roberts, nickname Bo! I didn’t even finish reading because I think this is so great. Works in many languages, So close to Bodhi, Beau plus a special name.
I will also say that my husband and I have wildly different naming styles. The way we found compromise, and made us passionately love our kids names, was to pick names with special meanings. We named our kids after family, after places, even after a boat. Gives the kids great name stories and made me love names I might not have picked.
I second this! I have a friend with a Robert nicknamed Bo and I love it so much! Why not just use your name though- Roberts? And I second the other point- I have been playing the imaginary name game my whole life and my Husband despised the name game. PLUS he was super picky. So the only solution was to narrow down our choices, and meaningful/family names reduces your choices by a lot. The third child was a bit of a struggle but now we are both very happy with our children’s names.
Also, only one out of 3 of my children got what I would consider my “heart flutter” name, but now they really ALL make my heart flutter. If that’s any consolation. Best of luck and Congrats on your baby boy!
Ran to comments for this suggestion. This is my sons name. I also didn’t love Robert but he calls it his secret name and it’s so adorable how he says it. Could call him bodhi as well. We call him Bowie sometimes and he loves that too.
I was also going to suggest Roberts nickname Bo. If you need to convince your husband it’s not a name just for dogs watch Bo Burnham stand up. Also if you choose Rhiannon later – it’s not as obvious w the matching R’s since the nickname starts w a different letter.
Another suggestion – some form of Sam – Samuel/Samson
I had a friend growing up who was Indian and her brother’s nickname was Sam.
Lastly, what about Kai or Shea? Seems in line with some of the other names on your list.
We’re also a bicultural family (Indian/southern US), and my 8yo us Rowan. It’s great in that Rohan is a Hindi name that sounds the same. The Rowan tree also has Welsh roots (pun intended).
I know you said it feels trendy. But we’re in an urban area with lots of modern names all around, and we’re never had another Rowan in the same class. (We have had Owens, and we know a couple of other Rowans but not same age and gender.) So if trendiness if you main barrier to this name, it might be worth doing the math to find out the actual popularity of Rowan in your area.
There’s a youtubing Indian-Brit doc whose first name is Rohin (Medlifecrisis, and yes, puns go for miles, lol) and his struck me the same way. Actually, since I heard it before I saw it, I thought at first he said his name was Rowan. My hearing sucks. :(
Anyway, either name would be a solid choice. Rowan might be trendy, but it’s also been used enough to make the top 1000 for 20 years. I like Rohin/Rohan better myself and that name _would_ sidestep trendiness.
I so feel your dilemma. When I was newly pregnant with my first son I would randomly lob names at my husband and ask his thoughts. He hated 95% of the names I had painstakingly recorded on my phone over years. I was so sad. The only names he was OK with were ones I didn’t really LOVE. In the end I realized that we were naming our joint child and if we both agreed on a name, even if it wasn’t any of my absolute favorites, that was better than the alternative. We have three sons, all named this way. I never got to use any of my absolute favorites that I so desperately loved. Despite this I am very happy with all of my kids names.
Now looking at your lists, I REALLY like your both just ok list! I really think maybe you should just stick with those names, knowing you already both agree on them.
I am another one who wanted to suggest Roberts! No need to take the “s” off, people will get it! I know a family with a Roberts, mom’s maiden name and I have loved it from the beginning! I didn’t think of the nickname piece of Bo, but I love that too!
Another suggestion, which doesn’t help your R issue, but it popped into my head from Keanu, is Reeves.
My friend Dana who is white married an Indian man. She picked Indian names for her first two children. Ajay is the boy and Remya is the baby girl. She is hoping to have one more child in a year or two and continue this trend. They live in California and everyone loves the boy name. The baby girl is only a month old so I haven’t heard the reactions on her name yet.
Several thoughts:
You say that Avery feels too popular, but if it helps, in my region (mid Atlantic US) I never hear Avery for a boy. And I have a job that takes me into new mom groups and preschools all over my state so I hear a TON of kid names. No male Averys! I also think maybe even for female Averys it is past its peak. I feel like I heard it a lot for new babies 5/6 years ago but I haven’t met a new little Avery in a while (just checked the social security name stats, which seem to back up my impression). I think the only thing to consider is if it would bother you that the name does trend more toward girls in recent years.
I am friends with a family that is bicultural Indian/Irish and their son is named Deven (my understanding is that Devin is a Sanskrit name). I wonder if you have considered that one yet, as it seems to fit the vibe of your list at least somewhat.
Finally, I wanted to put in a reassurance about compromising on a “just okay” name. For baby #3 my husband and I couldn’t seem to come to an agreement. Finally, with six weeks to go until my due date I told him to just make a list of ANY names he would be willing to use. I made my list as well. The one place we had a tiny bit of overlap was on our girl list where he had listed the short form of a name and I had listed the longer, frillier form. But the name also had a third variation that was in between: not as simple as the name he had chosen, but less flowery than the one I had chosen. (Think Meg, Margaret, Megan, for instance) So we compromised and said we would give the baby that variation if it ended up being a girl. The baby was a girl and that’s what we did, even though I was still feeling only okay about, even as I filled out the birth certificate. But now she’s almost 3 and her name has grown on me SO MUCH. In fact, it is now probably my favorite of my kids’ names (and, for the record, the others each got names that I very passionately loved). It just suits her so amazingly well, and we have gotten such a positive response to it from adults and other kids and I love that, so far, she’s always the only person her age with her name wherever we go. All that to say, you may eventually feel a heart flutter for the name once it’s attached to your actual baby even if you pick something that doesn’t thrill you now.
Good luck!
I also scrolled down to suggest Roberts with the nickname “Bo”. And Roberts is a wonderful name. Bobby, Bo, Robs. And I have a particular fondness for family names–even if I don’t love the name itself, I adore the connection. Hopefully that would be enough to make your heart sing on this name. And using Roberts as a first name opens up the middle name slot for one of the other names you love. Or two!
Perhaps Roberts Rhodri Rhys T—–i is a little too much, but I kind of think it is just perfectly over the top. Or if moving Rhodri to the middle name slot would make your heart sing too, then Roberts Rhodri T—–i is also pretty fantastic.
I love Bodhi/Bo. And I love Rhys Roberts. Swoon!! I think a sister Rhiannon is fine. I also love Rhodri and the strong combination of Welsh first name and Indian surname. Although the spelling is unusual,
It’s easy to read and say…
I have a few Indian suggestions – what about Rohan? Or Arj or Ajay? Or alternatively what Welsh favourite about Brynn?
Roberts Avery T—i called Bo feels like such a great name as most others have mentioned. If Bo isn’t exactly right, perhaps Ravi (as a combination of Roberts and Avery) feels nice too as a nickname. My oldest (a daughter) has a meaningful family name and my youngest (a son) has a name that I simply loved.
Oh! Robert Avery called Ravi is great!
Agree!
I like Rhodri a lot. It wouldn’t take much to teach people to say and spell it. You’d have to be open to the nickname Rod/Rhod or Roddy though, I could see defaulting to that.
I agree that your agree list has a lot of awesome choices. Could you add a second middle name or nickname endear it more? Could you look through Instagram pics of babies with the name? I really love Kieran for you. It has the Key-sound dad likes from Keanu and you could get a snappy little nickname that you might like – Keir or Kit?
I have a cousin named Rhodri, and no one ever blinks an eye when he’s introduced to other people. I love the name!
Could you by any chance both adore Dev ?? I love that for you.
Or you could do Devin/Devon “Dev.”
Congrats! You cannot go wrong here. :)
Roberts nicknamed Bo is a fantastic suggestion. I’m not sure why I thought of this for you, but do you like Osian? Other Welsh names I like are Garth and Tristan. For Indian names, I love Aarav. Asa makes me think of Ezra. Or maybe Judah, Silas, Asher?
What about Trace?? I feel like you both might like it…
Also, Rhoades, nn Ro? Or Niall? Or Beauden? And I second Vance!
Rhoys! You get the Welsh name just one letter off from beloved Rhys, and he gets the Royce sound, and no one thinks car!
It’s a real name too-footballer Rhoys Wiggins, and Welsh form of Roy
Can I talk you into Roderick? I know a Roderick (Australians drop the E ‘rod-drick’) nicknamed Roddy. It is such a good serviceable name for a grown man and is familiar but not common.
Or Rafe? Rafferty if you like but I prefer just Rafe. It doesn’t have an obvious nickname but wears really well.
I think you are really close! I would add a second middle before Roberts if I used an R name but that’s just a style preference. Roderick Beau Roberts Txxxxxxi.
My favorites for you are Dean Roberts, Harvey Roberts or Roberts as the first name called Bo. I also like Kiran and Vaughn.
And I wanted to suggest Bowen Roberts, nn Bo (bonus, it’s of Welsh origin). Or Ivan (like Ivaan), possibly called Van.
I was also going to suggest Bowen and Ivan!
Or Ivar, which I also really like (but it’s a Scandinavian name, not Welsh/Indian)
Heath, Dean and Vaughn get my vote to go with a 4-syllable last name.
I’m going to assume you are both ok with unisex names since Avery and Addison are both on your list so what about Morgan?
It’s Welsh and similar in style/sound to Loren, Rowan, Kieran all on your list. Morgan Roberts sounds so handsome!
I also second the suggestions of Robert called Bo and Devin “Dev”
Weird question: Does your husband like Bodhi because of Point Break? Because that’s my reference / Keanu Reeves cross-over moment for today.
I love Welsh names but don’t have a good sense of what would also work for a traditionally Indian name.
I like Rhodri and the suggestions of Rhoys, Reeves / Reeve and Roberts (Bo).
This is random but we had a cat named Bo. We determined later that his proper name was Boseph and used that for formal occassions.
I actually know an adult man whose name is Roberts – with the s – and it totally works, if you wanted to go that route.
I was going to say Jay/Jai but that’s out. What about Roderick nn Rhodri?
But I really love Roberts as a first name. My husband’s first name is Stevens, like a last name (which it was, several generations back).
Ronan/Ronin?
Ian?
I wonder if you would both love Boaz! Similar origins to Asa & gets you to Bo but with lots of history and gravitas.
I really love Roberts. And Asa makes me think of Akiva, Tal, Oren. Also seconding the suggestion of Dev.
Can’t wait to hear what you decide!
In the case of Rhodri: admittedly I’m English so it’s probably more familiar to me and so are Welsh spellings but it doesn’t seem that insourmountable to me? Admittedly if you said it aloud and expected people to be able to spell it, they might struggle. But I don’t think there are that many pronunciation options if you see it written down? And once you’ve told people once I can’t imagine them tripping over it repeatedly. It’s cute!
I noticed your parenthetical comments after Harvey & Vaughn (we both like) seems the most positive of the compromise names. That might be a flicker you could nurture, as Swistle suggests. I like Vaughn best of those two.
Also, is Avery really that common? I don’t remember seeing it on any of the top 10 lists in any recent year and I’ve never encountered one.
Another strategy, other than picking a compromise name, if you think you’ll have more kids, is to just take turns, with the other parent having limited veto power, however you want to define that. And if your family surname was originally his, I advocate for you to get the first turn.
Oh, and how about Ezra? It has an Asa vibe for me.
Is Rhodri pronounced like the beginning of “rhododendron” + dree? Or dry (as a bone)? It doesn’t seem as though there are a lot of ways to go wrong, even if someone’s first guess is off the mark.
And people misspell my name — a very standard name with several options for spelling — in emails when it’s right there in the “To” line, so I don’t think anyone is safe.
Just . . . I really like Rhodri.
I named my eldest a family name on my husband’s side that I loved for years and years, and my youngest another family name that I was definitely only okay with as a name (but dearly loved the person). It’s my youngest’s name that I’m happiest with these days. (I’m still happy with eldest’s, mind)
Long story short: maybe the name’s only okay today, but you may love it better than all the others 5 years from now.
Sounds like you’ve found the solution with Roberts nickname Bo! But I just wanted to suggest Bram. I love that name and think it might suit your style? Good luck!
Someone already suggested Beauden; other suggestions (actual real kids!) are Ahren (Indian), Nikeel (Indian), and how about… Lowen! Guessing that would be Welsh, or Cornish perhaps. But could be a nice, and legitimate, combination of your pick of Loren and your husband’s Rowan! Or, how about Arlo.
I just want to say that I think Avery on a boy is so very handsome. And, like others have said, not at all common around here!
My new nephew is Bodhi, and I love it.
Calvin? Similar to Kalyan and related Indian names.
Or Nicholas/Nikolas? Similar to Nikhil. You’d have to think about if Nicholas Roberts is too many -s endings for you. You could also just do Nick.
Back up. He wants the name Keanu because of the actor and you like the name Rhys. Guys, go with Reeves or Reeve!
Swistle has so many other great options/suggestions, I have nothing else to add. Great family. Great naming attitudes. Great name list. You guys are going to choose a great name!
I think if your family name is being used, your husband’s preference otherwise should be slightly more important. I simply don’t think Robert/s nn Bo/Beau is fair, that’s everything from your list, and nothing from his. I think you should try nurtureing seeds from your husband’s favorites. I thought Roberts Avery nn Ravi was perfect. Revisiting Adric/Aidric is also a good idea. Have you considered Ashven, Vick, Vikram?
The husband’s family name is being used, too.