Hello!
You helped name our second baby 5 years ago and now we have a (surprise) 3rd baby on the way – due in May.
Our last name is pronounced Molly-Ache-Elle.
The sibling names are:
George Lindsey – called Gil
Malcolm Joseph – called MacGeorge is my father in law and Malcolm is my grandfather. The kids’ middle names are my husband (Joseph) and my own (Lindsey) names.
My husband and I have never had an easy time naming our kids – we come from VERY different naming traditions. His family is catholic and from India – where the naming traditions are very strong and quite narrow. I’m a west coast kid with total free reign on naming.
We don’t know the sex, but the boys name has pretty much sorted itself out this time – so now we are trying to negotiate girls’ names.
Last time around our name option for a girl would have been Margaret Akslen – called Greta. I still LOVE this name and have had a hard time hearing that my husband doesn’t want to just go with this name for this kid.
My husbands family traditions would have the baby be named Anne or Mary. I am ok with Anne as a middle name but don’t feel close to either name as a first name. And there have been two girls born in his family this year who were named Ann and Joanne.
I tried to brainstorm a list of names that have a nod to Anne or Mary that I am more drawn to like:
– Jilliann (sounds too close to Gil)
– Annalise and Annaleigh (I like these names but my husband had a negative reaction because of the word anal)
– Mariella (feels like a lot with our last name and ‘ella’ as a nickname is too close to many great kids I already know)Names I love if I weren’t bound by traditions:
Tessa
Joelle
Evangeline
Lauryn/Laurel
And of course – the name Greta (short for Margaret) is still my absolute favoriteThe middle name would likely be Anne (if the first name doesn’t nod to it) or Akslen (my grandmothers maiden name) depending…
Any ideas or cautions as my husband and I continue our wrangling? Reference to the last time you helped: Baby Boy or Girl Molly-Ache-Elle, Sibling to George (Gil)
Thanks for your help!
Last time I suggested using a traditional/family name to please your husband, on the condition that you get to choose the child’s everyday-use name (even if it is unconnected to the given name)—which is roughly how things went with your first child, where George is your husband’s father’s name, but you call him Gil. Both names start with G, if we are looking for a way to connect the given name and the nickname, but it’s not even the same kind of G, so I feel like there is some flexibility here. I know you said you’d rather not do that kind of deal again, and I am keeping that in mind—but it feels like it may be the loophole we need to make things work.
The first thing that leaps out at me is that Evangeline from your list seems like it counts as a nod to Anne from his list. This is probably where I would try to lock down the deal, if I were you. Evangeline Akslen Molly-Ache-Elle; George, Malcolm, and Evangeline; Gil, Mac, and whatever nickname you have in mind for her. I might even compromise on Evangeline Mary Molly-Ache-Elle, if that would get it done.
The second thing I notice is that Tessa can be a nickname for Therese, a saint name. George, Malcolm, and Therese; Gil, Mac, and Tessa. (She’d also have the option of going by Reese, or of course Terry.)
The third thing I notice is that the first three letters of Margaret are the same three letters as Mary. Can we not do a bit of a REACH here? “Look, if we erase the top of the -g-, it looks even more like Mary!” I’m holding out some hope that this will be one of those letters we get where the husband didn’t want to use a certain name, but then after the baby is born he changes his mind. Perhaps the baby will just LOOK like a little Margaret/Greta!
Or perhaps we could use a double or hyphen first name: Mary Margaret or Mary-Margaret, called Greta; Anne Margaret or Anne-Margaret, called Greta. If family names and traditions are of top importance to him, he may have to bend on other things.
Annabel is pretty. What could we do with a nickname there? Bella might have the same issue as Ella; Annie is sweet but it seems like if you liked it you would already have mentioned it.
Maribel is pretty, too, but again I don’t know if the nickname works out, and it is a lot with the surname.
Annika, with a nickname of Nika? Maybe a bit much with the surname. I remember this from last time: I kept thinking of names with crisp c/k sounds and a lot of L and/or M!
Would Marilla feel like it honored a Mary? But it too repeats a lot of sounds from the surname.
Or Rosemary. Nickname Rose or Rosie or Romy or Rory? George, Malcolm, and Rosemary; Gil, Mac, and Romy.
Could we do a giant double-honor first name, such as Marianna or Annamaria or Anne-Mary, in trade for Greta as the nickname? There’s no name police here. I went to school with a Michael who was called Scott because his parents couldn’t agree, and we all took that explanation in stride. On the first day of class, the teacher would say “Michael?” and he’d say “Here! But I go by Scott,” and the teacher would make a note, and we’d be done.
In fact, it’s really common for boys to go by totally different names, in part because of the commonness of boys being named after their family traditions/ancestors and needing a different daily name (and/or needing a compromise name for the other parent to agree to letting her husband’s ancestors name her baby). In my circle of friends/acquaintances/classmates I can think off the top of my head of a Howard called Scott, a Gary called Jason, a Robert called Jay, a Thomas called Adam, etc. No reason in the world we can’t do the same with girls’ names.
And I am feeling not just sad but also angry that you have a list of names you would like to use if you weren’t bound by tradition—and not even bound by YOUR traditions, but by your HUSBAND’S FAMILY’S traditions. Excuse me, but how did we get to this place where one parent’s family traditions bind THE OTHER PARENT? How do we START the naming process by letting one parent’s traditions narrow it all down, as if that were a real requirement? What if BOTH parents had Strong Important Traditions? If HE wants to use HIS family’s traditions to guide/narrow HIS name list, then fine! But his name list shouldn’t outrank yours, just because his ancestors tried to call dibs on all future generations of baby naming.
I can’t tell if Anne and Mary are from his side, your side, or one of each. Another compromise I might suggest is His First Choice of Names from Your Finalist List + His First Choice of Middle Name.
Last time you mentioned your husband was also open to biblical/saint names, and I wonder if we might look that direction again, especially with babies Ann and Joanne already in the extended family.
For biblical names, I love Esther, Ruth, Claudia, Lydia, Lois, Elizabeth, Eve, Susanna (Anne!), Miriam (Mary!), Naomi.
I don’t know the saints’ stories so I am pulling these from The Baby Name Wizard‘s list without taking into consideration what each one is a saint FOR:
Ada
Antonia
Augusta (Gussie)
Beatrix
Cecily
Claire
Elodie
Felicity
Flora
Genevieve
Josephina
Josephine
Juliana (Anne!)
Louisa
Matilda (Tilly)
Philomena
Sophronia (Phronsie)
Veronica
Vivian
Winifred (Winnie/Freddie)
Several of these are such favorites of mine I have trouble not pushing them on you (Winifred!! Felicity!! Flora!! Genevieve!! Louisa!! etc.!!). I also love love love Josephine, and I wonder if it would be fun to name a girl for her father, or if we want to deliberately not do that. (It doesn’t bother me that one of her brothers has the middle name Joseph, except that it means honoring him twice, which seems unbalanced. But using an honor middle from your side would help.)
Name update:
Thank you so much for your help with this one! We had a little girl at the end of April. My goal was to go in with two name possibilities to the hospital and after many hours of conversation- we had both agreed on Margaret or Evangeline. I was still secretly hoping for Margaret since I had been advocating for that name from the beginning and really had to wade through my husband’s ambivalent feelings about it. But surprisingly- after she was born we both agreed she just wasn’t a Margaret!
We went back to the drawing board for a bit but eventually came back to Evangeline and I gave in to the middle name Marie to ensure we were honoring some of the family naming conventions. So now she is Evangeline Marie – and we have been calling her EvaMarie! Her brothers are thrilled – as are we.
Thanks for helping move that name to the front of the list!
Love the idea of a Marian name that isn’t Marie-that’s why Miriam stands out to me. That said, my own preference is to not repeat initials . What about Amabel after Mater Amabilis? Or is Stella (Stella Maris) too close to the Ella nicknames you’re trying to avoid? I think Stella has the same spunk as Greta. I think Beatrix has three same spunk actually-and I believe it has a Marian connection. Gil, Mac and baby Bea?
Oh, my goodness. Mary Margaret nn Greta. M&M. Love it.
From your list Evangeline jumped at me, it is a lovely name with a nudge to Anne. I’m loving Evangeline Akslen. Another suggestion is Julianne or Juliana Akslen nn Jules, this includes Anne without using the actual name and gives you a pretty nn.
Swistle had a lot of good suggestions. I think Mary Margaret/Anne Margaret called Greta gives you almost everything you want, but Therese called Tessa, and Annabel called Annie are good ideas, too. I like a lot of Mary-derived names, but especially Miriam (nn Mimi) and Rosemary (nn Rosie). Mariah and Maris are good, too.
I just had to comment because my oldest two are also Mac and Gil (though we often call him Gilly!)
We also go for the big formal first name and the cozy nickname. Mac is for Stewart MacDonald, Gil is for Gilbert.
The nicknames for our others are Addie, Cate, Essie, and Tommy/Taffy, in case that helps you brainstorm.
I’d vote for a Mary Margaret Akslen, called Greta.
When my mother was in Catholic School in the 40s almost every other girl was named Mary Margaret or Margaret Mary. Names don’t get much more Catholic than that! Plus, I think both of these names have come around to being adorably classic again. And you get the nickname Greta, which is adorable. But, I would like to add that Margaret has some of the very best best nickname possibilities out there. Maggie! Meg! DAISY!!!
If you can’t have your first choice (insert righteous indignation here), I think you should try to compromise with the middle name to get your first name/nickname combo.
Good luck and congratulations!
Mary Margaret or Margaret Mary are awesome ideas. What about Mary Akslen with a Mary nickname (Mae, Mamie, Molly, Polly, Mim)?
But also, Margaret Akslen is perfect and if you followed your husband’s family naming traditions for the first two, perhaps it is time to follow your naming traditions—would it work to convince him that boys follow dad’s family and girls follow moms?
Another suggestion: Mary Akslen called Lena.
I love Ann Akslen, and I would call her Akslen. It’s a seriously cool name with a great bit of history.
Margaret nn Greta sounds amazing and you already agreed on it last time, so it would be my first choice.
I particularly like the fact that your daughter would get both of your sons’ initials: M for her official name and G for her nickname.
Margaret Anne would be a good balance, I think.
Another option is Marigold Tessa nn Greta or even Mary-Grace Tessa nn Greta.
Or just Greta Marianne. Everyone gets what they want, right?
I think you came up with such wonderful names and clever nicknames, you’ll find another perfect choice for this baby!
I really like Swistle’s compromise suggestions of Evangeline (“Anne”) or Anne-Margaret. (Mary Margaret Molly-Ache-Elle might be too many M’s!)
But Margaret would be a great name on its own. Paired with either Anne or Aksel as a middle, it fits well with your last name, and Margaret is a saint-name well within the Catholic tradition.
Could your husband be won over by a different nickname, like Peg, Maggie, Molly, Meg, or Marge? (Peg is so good and under-used!)
I wonder if you can sell Evangeline to your husband, in honour of St John the Evangelist. We are Catholic and it’s on our list. Also, excellent range of possible nicknames; Eva, Evie, Eve, Angel, even Jelly has come up in our conversations!
How about Marietta nn Greta?
What is the boy name you’re set on? Can you adjust to use for a girl?
I keep rereading your letter to understand whether you are actually bound by his traditions. It seems not. Malcolm was for your family. Margaret was your girl name last time but now he just doesn’t like it. So it sounds like you’re just trying to find a name that you can both agree on – but bonus if it somehow honours his family traditions? What girl names does he like? Maybe put the pressure on him to give you a list to choose from, that doesn’t just contain Mary and Anne? Can he find a name he likes that leads to Greta?
Oh Marietta nn Greta sounds perfect!
I think Evageline nickname Evie is smashing! I do love both Mary and Ann, but I can see how you may not. But Mary is nearly Margaret! Is there some way to compromise? Perhaps Marianne or Marion? Or use a different nickname for Margaret like Maggie, Meg, Peggy or Molly?
Since his family is Catholic and from India and you love Tessa, how ‘bout Teresa (for Mother Teresa, now a saint!) nicknamed Tessa?
One of favorite Catholic name things (as a Catholic myself) is that thing where a girl is named Mary Something, but the Mary is silent. Well, the person goes by their second name, but I always think of it as that the Mary is silent.
My vote is for Mary + The Name You Pick Because You’re Conceding On Mary, with the nickname/ everyday name coming from the second name. Mary Margaret nn Greta or Mary Theresa nn Tessa, or Mary Joelle or Mary Laurel etc… I actually think the whole list of names you like sounds wonderful with Mary. Or cut straight to Mary Greta if Mary Margaret is too full of Ms?
I like this idea and Mary Greta sounds so fresh! MG would also be a cool nickname, haha
The thing about traditions is that eventually someone decides not to follow them. Will it be you? Will it be your children who will stop the tradition? Will carrying on the tradition guilt your future children or in-laws into continuing the tradition? Many things to consider here.
As a lifelong Catholic I feel the need to weigh in and say that Margaret Mary is a fairly well known “famous saint” and they should definitely use at LEAST Margaret and if mom chooses a compromise it be Margaret Mary
I agree Margaret is very Catholic. I love Miriam, as well.
For some reason I kept thinking Penelope. If you want a nickname that is 3 letters, you could use Pia.
And there is a Saint Penelope. :)
Not a catholic, but have a Malcolm called Mac, who would have been a Margaret or Matilda had he been a girl. Other names that I like include Evangeline (!!), Felicity, Cecilia, Alice, and Dorothy/Dorothea. My Malcolm has a big sister named Gloria Eloise. If I had another baby (not happening) she would be Dorothy, nicknamed Dot/Dottie/Dory.
I do LOVE Mary Margaret, but mostly because I think of the character from Once Upon a Time, a television program. The association makes me like it even more than I would otherwise. Maybe give it a watch to “try out the name” if you want, to see if it makes it more wearable to you? I was in love (but uncertain) about the name Malcolm when I happened to rewatch the old Joss Whedon show, Firefly—the main character is Mal/Malcolm and it confirmed how great and wearable the name is to me.
I probably watch too much television lol.
As far as I’m concerned, all the kids likely bear his family surname so I think your family names should be able to go in the middle name spot. Especially since you’ve been more than fair in honoring his side with your elder children.
My favorite is Margaret Akslen, called Greta. Mar can be a nod to Mary. I also like Swistle’s suggestion of Evangeline Akslen.
My favorite names that are a nod to Anne are Annelise (this spelling avoids the “anal” issue), Annabel and Susannah.
All the women in my paternal family are named Maria Something and go by Something or nickname-of-Something (Catholic family :P). Therefore, Mary One-of-your-Favorite-names sounds so natural to me.
Mary Margaret “Greta”
Mary Greta “Greta”
Mary Tessa “Tessa”
Mary Theresa “Tessa”
Mary Joelle “Joelle”
Mary Evangeline “Evangeline”
Mary Laurel “Laurel”
Marianne
Lorna
Noelle
Blanche
Pauline
Helena (Nell)
Rachel
Paula
Jane
Blair
Annemarie
My favorite Mary nicknames: Polly and Manon!
Mary Margaret Akslen – your only girl can have three names (either two middles or a double barrel first name). Call her Greta, honor both families and get the nickname you want. I’d call her Daisy, but if you love Greta do it!
It’s a really pretty name and gives her so Many options.
I love this option!
Another vote for Mary Margaret, nicknamed Greta. I love the alliteration of all three names together.
I am in no way affiliated but can I suggest Catholic names for girls and boys by Katherine Morna Towne. It is a whole book of Marian names, many of which are quite creative and suprising to me. One of them might tick the box of honouring a Mary and simultaneously being as Catholic as can be while being to your taste. The related blog may help. Good luck!
I love Mary NN Maisie
Margaret nn Greta was my first choice of name, and my husband hates it, mostly because he grew up in a Catholic family and knew a mean Sister Margaret.
His first choice was Andromeda, which I was not fond of, but it’s got that Anne sound? Or Andrea? Or Annette?
But frankly, I’m with Swistle, no more naming traditions. Let’s throw them right out the window.
Mary Margaret Mary Margaret Mary Margaret MARY MARGARET PLEASE-
(Margaret Mary is also tops!)
But also, Theresa? Yes please. Traditionally Catholic, recognized but not currently popular in the US, and you get the spectrum of nicknames from girly to tomboy? It’s also a sturdy name that stands up to your boy names (which are delightful!)
If you decide you’re going to go with a Mary name, but don’t want to use it as is, it seems like it’s time to browse Sancta Nomina, haha.
I noticed Antonia on Swistle’s list and it reminded me that I know someone who’s name is Antonia but goes by Antonella. So another for the list. Good luck!
These are so wonderful and with all of your help, the name ‘Evangeline’ has gone on the short list. This has also helped continue to solidify that I love ‘Margaret’ still.
And so fun to see other people also with Gil/Mac kids!
It is way more fun to read all of your brainstorms and swistle’s advice than continue the same old conversations with my husband.