Hi Swistle!
My husband and I are expecting our first baby – a boy due on September 13th! Our last name is a common name that sounds like Myth but starts with an S. We are set on the name Henry for his first name – it’s a name that both my husband and I have loved for a long time. We plan to have 2 or 3 children.
Our dilemma comes when trying to choose his middle name. We have three options – David, Robert, or Thomas.
David is my dad’s name and I would love to honor him. He is a wonderful man and we have always been very close. It makes me happy to think of my son being named after him. The only thing holding me back from using it is the first name Henry. Henry David. Does it instantly make you think of Henry David Thoreau? Will everyone make that association and comment on it? Does it matter? My husband doesn’t think it’s an issue.
Robert honors many great men from both sides of our family – it’s my dad’s middle name, my grandpa’s name, my brother’s name, my husband’s grandpa’s name, and my husband’s brother’s middle name. This one almost seems like a no brainer.
Thomas is my husband’s name and I would also love for our little boy to be named after his dad. I love the name Henry Thomas.
I am torn. Do any of the three options stick out to you as the best or obvious choice? Does one of them sound the best with the name Henry? Should we save the middle name David for another possible son in the future?
Thanks in advance for your help!
Caroline
I had a similar issue with my last baby: three great middle names to choose from, all good solid names and all honor names, and nothing really standing out as Best. Whenever I couldn’t sleep, I would think about the three possible names and wonder which one was the Right decision.
The main thing that helped me was realizing that because all three were great/solid/honor names, there was no WRONG decision, either. I think that’s the case here, too: all three choices are great names, good solid names, good honor names. Also, this is your first baby, and you are planning more children, so you may very well have chances to use the other honor names.
I do think of Henry David Thoreau if I hear “Henry David,” though not in a shocked, how-could-they-have-used-those-two-names-together kind of way, just in a mild familiar literary way. A vote for “yes, I hear it, but I don’t think it matters.” So for me the severity of this issue depends on a combination of two things: (1) how much you mind if some people think mildly of Henry David Thoreau and (2) how often you think you think you will say “Henry David.” Will it be on the birth announcements, and then the next time you hear it will be at his high school graduation? Or are you a family that tends to call people by first/middles? Actually, I’m changing my mind as I write, because I notice that the more times I write/read “Henry David,” the less I think of Thoreau. I think even if you were a family that commonly called people by first/middle, the association would quickly dissipate. If I encountered a kid who went by Henry David, I would think very mildly of Thoreau, and then I wouldn’t give it much/any thought after that. Anyway, the short version of this paragraph is I think all three names should still be in the running, but I also see the merit of the plan of saving David for a future boy not named Henry.
I think what I would do if I were you is go through a series of exercises to try to tease out my own preferences.
Exercise One: Imagine each name in turn, and imagine the baby is born and you are announcing that name to the honoree(s) as you show them the dear little bundle. Which gives you the strongest feeling of excitement/happiness to imagine the reaction?
Exercise Two: Imagine each name in turn, and imagine that you knew in advance that this was in fact your only chance to use one of these three names. Which gives you the strongest feeling of unhappiness to imagine not using?
Exercise Three: Imagine filling out all the forms that will need to be filled out in the early years of this baby’s life: forms for health insurance, for a Social Security card, for the pediatrician’s office, for daycare/preschool registration. Imagine you are writing his first/middle/last: which gives you the strongest feeling of satisfaction to imagine writing?
Exercise Four: Assuming you’ll have the chance to use more than one, do you have any feelings about which name it would be nicest to use FIRST? Perhaps you like the idea of the firstborn son having his dad’s name as a middle. Or perhaps, if the surname is from your husband’s side, you like the idea of using a middle name from only your side of the family, to set up a pattern of balanced honor names. Or perhaps for the first baby it’s pleasing to imagine honoring the widest possible number of people from both sides of the family, for greatest all-around rejoicing.
Exercise Five: Are any of the three names a name you might want to use as a first name later on? They’re all so nice with Henry: Henry and David, Henry and Robert, Henry and Thomas. If for example you might want to name a future son David, then you could use Henry Thomas this time and plan to use David Robert next time.
Exercise Six: Do any of the three names rule out using either of the other two? For example, if you use Robert this time, does it make you feel as if your dad has already been honored, so you don’t want to use David for a future baby?
If it were me, I would be most torn between David and Robert, I think because Thomas feels to me like it’s more usable for any child and doesn’t have to be THIS time (and the “dad’s name as firstborn son’s middle name” tradition is so familiar to me, it feels fresher if it’s NOT the firstborn son); and because it was so much fun for me to announce honor names, and Thomas is the only one that lacks that fun surprise for the honorees.
I have gone back and forth between thinking I’d choose David and thinking I’d choose Robert. I like both options very, very much. I love a good strong one-honoree honor name—but I also love the idea that Robert is a much-used family name on both sides of the family (and slightly more on your side, which helps with balance). IF IT WOULDN’T MAKE YOU FEEL AS IF YOU COULDN’T USE DAVID LATER ON, I think if it were me I would use Robert this time, and save David for a child not named Henry. But I would say my preference is based mostly on my own response to Exercise Four, combined with the tiniest hesitation about Thoreau. However, if you were to write later that you had used Henry David, my heart would leap up just as much: the two names are neck-and-neck for me, just a different set of very pleasing advantages for each.
Name update:
Hi Swistle,
I apologize it has taken me so long to send this update. We really appreciated your input and all of the comments from your readers. Our son Henry Robert was born and his name suits him perfectly! If we ever have another boy, his middle name will be David.
Thanks again!
Before reading the three choices I thought “Henry Thomas”. I stand by it after reading Swistle’s post.
My son’s name is Henry Robert. He’s 12. Robert is my husband’s grandpa’s name, so we went that route. Bonus points for the nickname Hank Bob. We never actually use his first and middle names together out loud.
Henry David sounds fine to me too. I don’t think the Thoreau similarity is a problem at all. It’s not like it’s a negative association. Many people wouldn’t make it at all. Family would know that it honors your Dad and you could mention that to anyone who did ask – I don’t think many people would.
I think all of your choices are good ones.
I like Henry David the best. My son’s middle name is David & so that’s my first thought not Thoreau.
I kinda love the strong connection of David with your father, so I’d go with that, but Robert is a very very close second for me.
Solely based on sound and flow, I prefer Henry David.
Henry Robert repeats the R sound so it’s a bit mouthful and Henry Thomas S+Myth repeats the S sound.
Henry David sounds beautiful. Henry Thomas would be my second choice, to honor dad and also because of flow.
Voting for Henry David! It sounds great and I love that it honors your side of the family. I would make the connection to Henry David Thoreau, but wouldn’t think anything of it beyond, “hey, those are lovely, classic names that go well together.” If you were considering naming your child Ralph Waldo, on the other hand, I’d assume you were into the Transcendentalists :)
All beautiful, meaningful choices! Henry was one of our front runners for our current baby girl on the way, and Thomas was also a middle name choice for Henry. I think the pairing is so so beautiful. But when I say your full name together with the last, I think David might sound the best of the 3. The connotation with Thoreau is not a bad one, if people make the connection at all. Also, my oldest boy has David as a middle, I love it so much. He’s a 4th so I didn’t actually pair it myself, and it was never on my name list prior, but it’s truly such a wonderful name and has become one of my favorites! The other thing I might consider is whether you might want to use any of those middles as a first were you to have another boy. That might help you to narrow down. You can’t go wrong with any choice though! Congrats and good luck!
All three options are wonderful. I like the flow of Henry David the best. It doesn’t make me think of Thoreau at all, since he tends to be referred to by his last name only. Henry Thomas *does* make me think of the actor from E.T. but that’s probably a generational thing. If all of your future children are female, would you want to use the female version of any of the three? (Davida, Roberta, Thomasina?)
Another possible exercise: roll a 6-sided die! Say that 1/2 means David, 3/4 means Robert, and 5/6 means Thomas. Roll the die, and whichever number comes up, that’s the name. Then test your reaction — are you excited about the number you rolled? Heartbroken? Wishing you had rolled a different number? That might help you discover more about your own preferences.
I agree with Swistle that all three are great choices! From reading your letter, I get the impression that David is your heart choice and Robert is your brain choice. Things being relatively equal, I’m a heart over brain person, so I’d encourage you to use David if that is indeed where your heart feels pulled the strongest. I think Henry David is a lovely name with a great flow, and it does remind me of Henry David Thoreau, but in a pleasant, passive, passing way that may help me remember the name. I would definitely not consider it a deal breaker.
I also think any of the names would make great first names, so if you would like to reserve one of them for a potential second son, that may be something to consider. I lean away from Thomas only because I assume the surname you are using is from your husband and that throws almost all of the names and honor to his side, and to him specifically, rather than balancing it more between the two of you and your respective families.
This comment hits on all my “go with David!” reasons:
1. All three are great choices, but you write most effusively about using David.
2. Yes, the Thoreau association is there, but it’s positive and fleeting.
3. If you’re using your husband’s family surname, I like the idea of honoring your side with the middle.
So, yeah, go with David!
I think Swistle’s exercises 2 and 4 would be most pertinent if I were deciding on the middle name.
#2 — if you will only have this one chance to honor someone, which name would you choose?
#4 — if you will (hopefully) have multiple opportunities to honor someone, which person is it most important to honor first?
For me, the answer would have to be my father. Assuming your son will carry your husband’s surname, the surname is an honor to him and the males on the paternal side of his family.
Another consideration is the age of the person you are honoring. We often use honor names for family members who have passed away, but it is especially nice to honor a family member while they are still alive and able to enjoy both the honor and the child that bears their name. None of us know how long we will live, but if my father was elderly or in poor health, I would definitely want to use his name first and then hope to be able to honor others with subsequent children’s names.
tl;dr: my order of preference for the three names is David first, followed by Thomas, then Robert.
Just pick two! :) I love Henry David Robert Myth.
I’d choose between David and Robert. Your husband and his family get honored with the surname.
Both David and Robert work well and I’d honestly just choose the one that would give you the most satisfaction and then save the other for a potential future son.
Best wishes!
I vote for “Henry David.” The Thoreau Connection did register very faintly (and pleasantly) the first time I heard it, but was entirely gone by the time — reading a bit further — I imagined a family calling the little boy “Henry David” all the time. What makes me pick David over the other great choices on your short list is that it seems like the most important honor name to me. I love to imagine how your dad would feel. Also, if I think, “What if …” (what if you didn’t have any more boys, etc.), that’s the only name on your list where I would think “Oh no. If only.” Not to mention, it’s a super great name. I love it.
They’re all solid, very classic names. I love Swistle’s exercises. I tested names by envisioning them on a preschool cubby and on a business card, as the name of a kid shouted from the sidelines of a soccer game and on a musician, etc. — basically, testing them in different kinds of settings — and I really like the way these exercises help “test” the names.
Is there any chance that you would want to use any of the honor names as a potential first name in the future? That is, maybe you have no plans to use your husband’s name in the first name position, but you think maybe you’d want to use your dad’s name?
I love Henry David and it sounds like the one you are most keen on too. While it is pleasing to honour multiple people with one name I did wonder whether your brother might want to use his name for a future son. I would go with the option that you would be most thrilled about announcing and saying and writing, and would be saddest not to use.
My husband’s name is Henry David, and Thoreau never comes up.
You have good choices all round, so no wrong answer here. One thing I did to help me conceptualize what I wanted in a name was to create birth announcements and plug in the various options to see which felt right. A birth announcement is how you present your child to the world. It really helped me decide it was the right name.
Henry David is so good I’d want to call him the whole thing! I thought of Thoreau, but it wasn’t bad or weird, and I didn’t think it after the first time I read it.
I think the association is fine because they’re two names from the stable of solid, classic, timeless men’s names. If Thoreau had been called Murray David or Henry Kai instead, maybe it would feel more like a one-man-only name.
If you ever had another boy, Henry and Robert (Hank and Bob/ Harry and Bobby / Hal and Rob) … I love it.
I think David is the best, your dad would be so happy.
If you had more kids and they were girls, you could always use Roberta in the middle spot, but there isn’t really a female version of David.
Or Robin in the middle spot instead of Roberta.
A common name regret seems to be using your two favourites on the first child so if you would use any as a first name for a second son I would save that name.
Otherwise, as all name seem evenly placed is there a set of initials or nickname you prefer?
I quite like Henry David. Apparently a certain poet’s parents did too, but that just shows they also had good taste ;)
Fun fact, my younger uncle is actually the junior, and that’s because he looked so much like his father when he was born. They’d originally picked Ethan or Evan (I forget which; gram told me the story 30 years ago.) Grandpa wasn’t even there, he was away doing marine things when Gramma had Uncle, so it was all her. She told me the story when I ran across a picture of Grandpa in uniform and wondered why they had a picture of my uncle in black-and-white! (Uncle was in the Navy. Both would probably been annoyed that I couldn’t tell the difference, lol)