[The kids have started online school, and I need things to do while they’re doing that. Let’s name some babies.]

My wife and I are expecting twin boys at the end of March. We have a difficult last name (sounds like sex-hour). We often find we like a name (Abel, as an example), only to find it DOES not work with this difficult last name! You can have fun finding awful combinations that’s for sure! We’ve had many a laugh….

Both of our names begin with “A” (Annie and Allison) and our older daughter’s name also starts with “A” (Aliyah). We would like to continue in the “A” name tradition. It would be nice to have 3 names that all begin with a different “a” sound (long a, short a, schwa), so we are looking for a short a name.

We have already chosen one name: Avery. And, we know both middle names– John and Lee. We especially like the name Alden, but a cousin named her young son that already so we feel we can’t also use it.

To complicate matters, I have been a teacher for almost 15 years and try really hard not to name my kids the same name as any of my former students. That may not be possible, but perhaps!!

Names we have considered and rejected for various reasons:
* Abel
* Aiden (in all forms)
* Alwyn
* Ashton, Asher and all the Ash names
* Armani
* Adrien
* Adler
* Arley

Names we are considering:
* August
* Afton
* Alton

We just haven’t seemed to find the name that “feels right” and works with “sex-hour.”

If we were having another girl, we would have named her Avery as well! Gender neutral names are important to us, but not a requirement.

Thanks for your help!

Alyson and Annie

Here is the difficulty with this question: It’s not hard to go through the entire A section of several baby name books, so if I go through the entire A section of several baby name books, I will not be discovering anything you haven’t already looked at a hundred times. In some situations, I think, “Well, but it can help to hear a name differently if someone else suggests/supports it!,” and I think that’s often true, but it sounds like you have been very thorough.

I suspect the trouble you’re running into here is that you have too many preferences to ALSO want the name to “feel right.” That is, if you were working on a puzzle that required you to find a name starting with short-A, that went with Aliyah and Avery, that worked with the middle names John/Lee, that didn’t duplicate the name of a student or relative, and that went well with your surname—you probably could find some candidates. But if it has to be all those things AND you have to love it and it has to click into place for you—then such a name might literally not exist, so none of us will be able to find it.

This means stepping back in the decision process to see if any of the preferences can be removed. Which are the preferences that are most often tripping you up? Like, when you find a name that makes your heart pound, what are the most common reasons it doesn’t go on the list? Doesn’t start with A? Wrong sound of A? Doesn’t work with the middle names? Duplicates a student’s/relative’s/friend’s name? Are there any preferences you’d be willing to rethink?

For example, I know you want everyone’s name to start with A. How badly do you want that? Do you want it enough that you would choose an A-name you’re not enthusiastic about over a non-A-name you love? This would be the perfect moment to break with A names, if you’re willing to reconsider the name Avery.

I know you want short-A. How badly do you want that? Do you want it enough that you’d sacrifice a name you like better?

These are questions I can ask as if the answer would be “No!”—but I don’t think the answer will necessarily be no: there are many preferences that lead parents to choose a less-liked name over a more-liked name. But I think it helps if the parents know that trade-off may need to happen. Otherwise they can go around in circles, trying to make it so their favorite names fit the preferences, or so that the preferences result in most-loved names. Sometimes the preferences and the most-liked names are incompatible.

If you keep your preferences, then I think you have already narrowed down the list and the choice is now among August, Afton, and Alton. That is a happy little list! Those are all great names. And I think there can come some relief at that stage of the process: I remember trying to choose one of my son’s names, and thinking, “All of these are good options. I don’t have to FALL IN LOVE, I just have to choose one of these nice names.” It happens to many parents and may have happened to you with Aliyah’s name: the name BECOMES the child, and it can be hard to remember having had any doubts about the name or having considered any other names. Even a name that doesn’t feel like it has the shining support of an angelic chorus can feel very different when it is on the beloved baby.

I considered not giving an opinion on which of the three finalists was my own favorite, since at this point I think the best strategy may be for you two to think to yourselves, “Okay, if it is going to be one of these three, which one is it?”—without a bunch of confusing input from others. But “a bunch of confusing input from others” is the very reason for this site! So after saying that I think all three names are good solid choices and any of them seem great to me, I will say that of those three names, my definite favorite is Alton. I love it. When I picture it on a little newborn, I get damp eyes. Little Alton! I want to squeeze him! Avery and Alton! I like Avery John and Alton Lee, to avoid the Elton John sound and to distribute the unisex names more evenly.

I also love August, but when we are dealing with a tricky surname that includes an element of time, it seems like adding a month-name emphasizes the time element. And Afton I think is getting unfairly marked down only because I’ve never met an Afton and the name isn’t familiar to me yet; that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love it within five seconds of meeting a baby with that name. But the unfamiliarity combines with the difficult surname to make something I have to spend extra mental energy figuring out what I’m hearing (half ton sex hour? after sex hour?), which is a downside with a difficult surname.

Name update:

Hi Swistle,

We really appreciated all the help we received from you and everyone who responded to our post! We welcomed our twin boys on their Mama’s birthday, 3/27/2020 at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. Avery John and Allston Lee both weighed exactly 6 lbs to the ounce at birth! They are happy, healthy, and well loved by their big sister! We had one of those “aha” that is the name we like moments when Allston came to us. We looked up the meanings of the two names and they are connected. Avery means “elf king,” and Allston means, “elf stone.” It seemed like the names were meant to go together!

All the best!

Alyson and Annie