Dear Swistle,
My husband and I currently have 4 children, and while I’m not pregnant yet, we’re actively trying for #5. If we’re blessed with a girl her name will most likely be Eleanor. Our current daughters are Evelyn, Annabel, and Amelia.
We don’t shy away from popular names (clearly), but I have to LOVE the name. Girl names are very easy for us to love. Evelyn was named years before she was born, even before my husband and I got married! I’ve loved Annabel since I was young and Amelia was my husband’s second favorite girl name. We joke that if we have 20 girls we would love every single name!
My son’s name is David. We didn’t have a name for him while I was pregnant and he didn’t get named until he was 24 hours old. (He’s Child #3. Had he been a girl he would have been Amelia.) He’s named for my husband’s father. The name was never on my list. In my hormonal state I agreed when my husband countered every name I gave him with, “but what about David?” After seeing the tears of joy in my father-in-laws eyes when my husband introduced them, there was no going back. It took me 6 months to get used to the name. He’s now 3 and while it’s his name, I still don’t love it.
On to my question. One of my favorite boy names is Matthew. I just love the way it sounds and enjoy the nn Matt. It would be the perfect name, but it’s my husband’s name, my brother’s name, and David’s middle name. Would it be too weird to also have another Matthew? He wouldn’t be a Junior because he wouldn’t have my husband’s full name. The middle name would be either Henry or William, neither of which are options for first names. Would he be a II?
The boy name we had for Amelia was Elijah. I still like it, but when I mention it to the two oldest their response is, “but that’s a girl name!”
Thanks a bunch!
Rachel
I have three things to say.
First is that I was going along thinking that was not too many Matthews, and then I reached a tipping point and thought no, that’s too many Matthews. The tipping point happened when you mentioned that it is also the middle name of the child whose first name you had to struggle to like, and whose first name you still don’t love. I think he should get to have Matthew, and not have to share the only part of his name you love with his younger brother. (If you did use Matthew DifferentMiddle, he would not be a II: II, like Junior, is used only if all the names are exactly the same.)
Second is that the children are wrong, and Elijah is a boy name. We can make this a teaching moment for them. “What? No: while some names do change in usage over time, and so we don’t usually say that a name is ‘a boy name’ or ‘a girl name,’ Elijah has been used almost exclusively for boys for thousands of years. You may be thinking of similar-sounding names used for girls, such as Eliza.”
Third is that with any future babies, your husband may NEVER AGAIN do his “But what about ____?” name-pushing/countering technique, ESPECIALLY not right after you’ve given birth. I’m serious: NEVER AGAIN. I will come over there and deal with him myself if need be. That was a jerk strategy, and the fact that it worked may encourage him to try it again. Furthermore, I vote that if you have another boy, the name is your choice and, ideally, consists of two names that bring tears of joy on YOUR side of the family this time.
More sound advice from Swistle. I agree that if Matthew was shared by uncle, grandpa and dad, it would be great. However, if it’s brother’s name too, that becomes a bit crowded.
I know this isn’t what you wrote in about, but might I suggest that you call your son “David Matthew” to boost your love for his name? It’s not uncommon for moms to address their kids by first and middle (even when they aren’t in trouble), and you wouldn’t be changing his name (like if you just decided one day to call him Matthew).
My husband and his siblings all have one-syllable, no-nicknames names, and my brother-in-law, who has a career in the arts and wanted something more interesting, started introducing himself by first and middle name in college, now even his parents call him by both.
It might be a nice option for you to get warm, fuzzy feelings when you say your son’s name, and it would give you the chance to say Matthew out loud (maybe you could transition to nn Matt as your special nickname for him).
Also, I’m sure if an Elijah was born your girls would stop thinking of it as a girl’s name very quickly and think of it as baby brother’s name.
Yes, the filling point was when you mentioned Matthew is David’s middle name. A namesake for dad/uncle is fine. But don’t recycle your sons middle name for a younger brother. It’s not fair to either of them.
Elijah is a boy name. You can talk to your kids and show them the name stats, but the bottom line is the older kids don’t get a say. So if talking to them and showing them the states doesn’t work, pull them mom card and shut that stuff down. FWIW, I feel surprised this would be their objection. My kids usually have the opposite reaction I. That they are so used to gender neutral names or bout names in girls that they generally don’t have strong feelings about names being gendered. Maybe gender neutral names are more common where I live?
I’m going to give your bus and the benefit of the doubt and assume he pushed so hard about David only because you were having trouble finding something you liked. Regardless, he doesn’t get to do that again! I’d have a conversation with him Now and let him know you get to pick a second sons name-and even if the name is t decided on in advance, he still needs to keep his mouth shut.
I agree with Swistle’s point about Matthew being David’s middle putting it over the edge.
I noticed all the girls have names that start with vowels and David’s on his own with a consonant. So first I thought maybe even it out by using a name that starts with a consonant instead of Elijah. Jonah, Josiah, Micah, & Noah are all in the same box as Elijah in my head. (I guess that box is Biblical boy names that end in -ah.) But then I thought, well, maybe you LIKE names that start with vowels and that’s why all your girls have vowel names and you SHOULD go with Elijah after all.
Other ideas:
Benjamin
Marshall
Nathaniel
Quincy
Silas
Stephen
I agree with Swistle that Elijah is 100% a boy’s name, but if the -ah ending is tripping you up, what about Eli or Levi?
Based on David’s name and the consideration of Matthew and Elijah, I’m thinking you might like biblical names for boys, so here are a few more suggestions: Jonathan, Daniel, Michael, Peter, Paul, Andrew, Mark, Luke, John, Ezra, Joshua, Isaac, Timothy, Thomas, Joseph, Simon.
I also like the idea of honoring a man from your side of the family, if any of those names would work!
Could the boys both have the middle name Matthew? Something you love that they both share? I know your girls don’t have this but Swistle always says that it’s not odd to treat names for girls differently from names for boys in the same family. But then find a first name for this boy that you both can love. I don’t have any good suggestions except maybe Maclean.
My stepfather’s name is David, and his brothers are Paul and Jeffrey.
And I agree with everything Swistle said.
It sure is a lot of Matthews. And I would generally agree with everyone else except it seems to be one of the few boy names you love. And heck, as you have learned, loving the name is amazing. So if you do decide to go with Matthew, what about Matthew David? Hear me out. Then both boys have a bit of the other and no one “stole” the others name.
Josiah, Adam, Aaron, Peter, Christopher, and Andrew occurred to me as other possibilities that contain many of the sounds you like. I would also consider at least having the middle name honor your side of the family, unless there is a reason you don’t want to do that.
Would you consider Matteo or Matthias, nn Matt? Or even Maddox, nn Mads or Maddy? Matthew is not my personal style, but I don’t think it’s a dealbreaker that it’s David’s middle name. Most people in the kids’ lives won’t even know, and I know other families that used a beloved name as a middle for one child only to turn around & decide to use it for a first name on a future child. Celebrity example is Eva Mendes, who’s daughters’ names are Esmeralda Amada Gosling and Amada Lee Gosling.
My husband pulled this trick in slightly modified form. I’m still mad about it 8 years later. I do feel a little better knowing that my daughter
Loves her name.
I think it is important that you love this name. Elijah fits your theme and closes David into the fold. Ezra works as well (vowel for the girls, biblical for David). Using Matthew for the middle is a lovely idea :) Good luck!
I think a indignant, take no prisoners Swistle is my favorite Swistle. Most
Y because I agree 110%.
While it can be done, I don’t think it should be and for the main reason Swistle listed: it is the only part of David’s name that you like. I think it’s time to keep hunting and that you get to pick.
I like Elijah and I wonder if it’s lost it’s luster if you’re so easily talked out of it by your kids. It’s a great name.
I also think you might like: Silas, Joseph, Ethan, Sebastian, Owen, Lucas, Isaac, Benjamin/Bennett, Theodore. I feel like you like names that have mostly soft “water” sounds and these names mostly fit that bill.
Do you like Michael or Marcus? If you wanted to honor your family, do you like your father’s name? Either of your grandfathers’ names? Uncles on either side?
I think if you love Matthew, use it. Most people don’t use their middle names. And maybe David doesn’t know that it’s your favorite part of his name? I personally would find it very confusing for my son to have the same name as my husband, but to each their own. You got talked into something you didn’t love last time. Don’t let it happen again. If you love Matthew, name him Matthew! Also, Kate Middleton did it. George Alexander Louis has a baby brother named Louis.
I rout for Elijah. It’s a good, solid boys’ name. Matthew is a good name, too, but you’ve already given it to one child so that’s a no-go for me.
I had the same tipping point as Swistle.
I firmly believe that if it comes out if your body, you should get to name it. I understand compromise but…
Keep looking. You’ll find a name you love.
I agree 100% with Swistle. Funny enough I have a Matthew David.