Dear Swistle,
I’ve been following you for years, figuring I would never have a reason to write to you–but here I am! Our third girl (and last baby) is due in early August, and I am super resentful to be writing this letter because until two weeks ago we HAD a name for her, but it was stolen!
My kids have my husband’s last name, sounds like M@rcus but with a k instead of a c. My husband is Nathan and I am Shannon. I kept my maiden name, which is not usable as a first name. We love names that feel ancient, storied, and European, though we aren’t particularly strict about that. More than anything, we like unique names.
Our daughters are Clio Evangeline (6) and Melusine Rose (4). Since my second daughter was born, I feel like people really react to both of their names with great interest. They want to know who the girls are named after, and I am always excited to talk about Kleio the Greek muse of history and Melusine from French mythology. That said, I don’t care so much about having a big cultural rationale for my third daughter’s name; I happened on both of these names by accident while idly reading up on other names.
So now here’s the problem. We’ve known this baby was a girl since shortly after the pregnancy was confirmed (routine genetic testing). The same day we got the news of her sex, I happened on the name Saskia and FELL IN LOVE. I love that it has strength and sass. I love that there aren’t already 12 of them in my kids’ elementary school. I love that, like Clio and Melusine, it’s outside the top 1000 for girls born in recent years. I love that this would mean we had one Greek name, one French, and one Germanic/Slavic. I LOVE THIS NAME.
Stupidly, I mentioned it to my brother’s wife, who is also expecting a baby due a few weeks from now. She has three other children whose names are all in the top 20, so I felt that it was safe to talk about it–there is just not much overlap between her style and mine. Of course, you can guess what happened next. She came to me two weeks ago and confessed that she too has fallen in love with the name Saskia, and asked whether I would mind if the cousins “shared” it.
YES I MIND. We spend a lot of time with my family, and I am not comfortable with having to distinguish our kids when we call out loud for one of them. (If I wanted that, I’d name her Sophie or Caroline!) But I had no choice but to give my SIL my blessing for her to use the name if she wants to. And since she is due first, I am almost positive that she will.
So……..what do I do now? I still love the name, but there is an angry red tinge to my love now. There is a small (1%) chance my SIL will not use the name, but she has already shared her intentions with others, so I think she will. I don’t want my daughter to share it with her cousin.
It seems that we have to switch, but I am stumped. I don’t have a backup name. Do you happen to have any in your back pocket? Names you don’t recommend often because they seem too weird/esoteric for other letter writers? Please help.
Thank you so much!
Shannon
This is a heartbreaking disaster. I am wondering if there is any room here to go back to your brother and sister-in-law and say “When you asked if I minded if the cousins shared the name, I was taken off-guard and said I didn’t. But I should have clarified that the cousins wouldn’t be sharing the name: if you use it, that takes it off the table for us.” I feel like your brother and sister-in-law should have the information that this is not a matter of BOTH of you getting to use the name. It might not change their decision about what to name their baby, but if I were them I would really, really, REALLY want to know what the consequences would be of that decision, instead of thinking it’s all settled and there are going to be two same-age little Saskia cousins calling themselves The Saskia Squad and so forth, and then being shocked and dismayed a couple months later when you don’t name your baby Saskia, and then realizing it was because of them. (Unless there is some specific reason you haven’t mentioned, such as that your sister-in-law is 100% in charge of naming babies with no input from your brother, I think it’s important that we keep in mind your brother’s involvement in this and not put it all on your sister-in-law.)
Because there are two issues here: one issue is that someone else is using the name you planned to use; the other is that you’re not okay with a duplicate within the family. Your sister-in-law asked about the second thing, but you answered her as if she was asking about the first thing, and I think it could have made a significant difference in how this is going to play out. For the first issue, I say there is no such thing as “stealing” a name (though, boy, this situation puts me the closest I have ever been willing to use that verb), since a name can be used by as many people as want to use it, and you would not be the first ones to use Saskia either, and so on—and so you will get all my pained sympathy but none of my avenging anger (though, again: I’ve got to say, it’s not as if the name in question was Sophia, and the uncommonness of the name really makes a difference to me). But that brings us to the second issue: there are people who avoid duplicate names at all costs, and on the other end of the spectrum there are people who constantly recommend their own children’s names to other people because they love duplicates, and both extremes and everything in between are perfectly reasonable preferences to have. And you are someone who avoids duplicate names at all costs, and your brother and sister-in-law are apparently near the opposite end of the spectrum, and THAT is where I think we need to see if there is hope.
I want to find a way to give your brother and sister-in-law the following information about the name: that actually you DO mind if the two cousins share it; and in fact, sharing Will Not Happen. I am someone who likes duplicate names (though if I think about it, I think I like it only if I am the one who used the name first), and if I knew someone else was the same, I would feel happy about our kids sharing a name. But if I knew someone else was an avoid-duplicate-names-at-all-costs person, I wouldn’t feel happy about our kids sharing a name, because I’d know the other person was unhappy about it and possibly resenting my child for having that name. It just makes a huge difference, and I would REALLY WANT TO KNOW. And from your letter, it sounds as if your sister-in-law was going directly for this second issue with her question: she didn’t ask if you minded if she and your brother used the name for their baby, she asked if you minded if the cousins SHARED the name. And you DO mind. You mind VERY, VERY MUCH. But what you SAID is that you DON’T mind, so right now SHE THINKS you don’t. She may be like “Yay, how great that we can use the name TOO, without stealing it away from them!”
I think you were absolutely right not to try to lay exclusive claim to the name, and I admire you for it because that is SO HARD when it’s a very unusual name and they only even KNEW about the name because you mentioned it to them. But it is okay to MIND, and it is okay to SAY you mind, if you can do it in a loving tone of voice, and in a way that makes it clear you know the difference between “telling them they can’t use the name” and “minding,” and also in a way that communicates that if they go ahead and use it anyway it’s not going to create a blood feud. I don’t know if I can come up with a good way to say it (it’s so common for me to come up with something on paper, and then try to debut it with my voice and find I have failed at writing anything close to workable dialogue), but the GIST would be something that conveys to them your deep belief that they get to name their baby what they want to name their baby, and that you know the name Saskia doesn’t belong to you—but that it is your own preference to avoid duplicate names, and so if they use the name, you won’t be using it. My hope is that they are empathetic people who understand the other end of the duplicate-name spectrum, and that this will make them re-think the decision. My fear is that without this information, they may make a decision they will regret when your true preferences come to light in August, but that by then it will be too late to do anything about it, and EVERYONE will be unhappy. (And of course they might still decide to use the name even with the new information, but then at least we will all know they went into it knowing what the situation was.)
One more thing: The worst outcome here for your brother and sister-in-law would be if they were to sacrifice their favorite name because they realize how much it means to you, and then you don’t use it after all. It doesn’t sound like that’s likely here, but I am familiar with the idea of a name getting ruined by something like this, so I wanted to mention it just in case the name was one of several finalists, and/or you feel it’s now sullied for you no matter what by this upsetting situation. If you can no longer use the name, it’s a crying shame but I’d say it means don’t go any further on this with your brother and sister-in-law, and try to be glad that at least the name is still in your life via your dear little niece.
In the meantime, let’s see if we can feel a little better by thinking about other name options. The name Saskia appears only once in The Baby Name Wizard (did everyone know there was a revised 4th edition? thank you to the readers who let me know!), and it’s in the German and Dutch section, so I’ll start there:
Aleydis
Hannelore
Hildegard
Ingrid
Liesl
Liselotte
Sigrid
Valeska
Wilhelmina
More possibilities, from other sections and additional books:
Alyona
Amaryllis
Andromeda
Anezka
Araminta
Ariadne
Artemisia
Birgitta
Circe
Clotilde
Delphina
Eliska
Esmerelda (too reminiscent of Imelda Marcos?)
Eugenia
Hephzibah
Iolanthe
Leocadia
Lysandra
Myfanwy
Octavia
Ottilie
Persephone
Sophronia (the one in Five Little Peppers was nicknamed Phronsie)
Theodosia
Verica
Xanthe
Zipporah
Name update:
Sorry this update is so long overdue — the three-kid life is NO JOKE!
As I mentioned in the comments to the original post, I did text my SIL and let her know we would not be using the name if she used it first. If it’s not obvious from my original letter, she and I are very different sorts of people and she still doesn’t get what the big deal was. In her peer group, the question is not “What will we name the baby?” but “Which of the 20 most currently popular names do we like best?” and if someone already used the name you liked, well…put it this way: at her daughter’s birthday party there were two other girls who shared the birthday girl’s name, and they all went by firstname middlename. So she didn’t see why I would prefer for my Saskia to be the only Saskia in our immediate circle.
But I digress. She did not use Saskia. It turned out she was unable to talk my brother into it anyway, and they went with the name that’s currently #10 for baby girls.
The whole drama ruined my feelings about Saskia, so we have set that name aside for a future pet, though that is a discussion for another day when I find my sea legs. Both families are DONE having kids, so this will be our last time going through all of this.
And in the meantime, Isolda Susanne joined our family on August 8, four days after her due date, and she is perfect! (But now SIL has found another way to ruffle my feathers: calling her “Izzy,” a nickname we hope doesn’t stick.)
P.S. ALSO, I would be remiss if I didn’t add that we ALMOST took one commenter’s suggestion of Bellona, which I still dearly love, until Clio (7) frowned at us and said “bologna?” obviously believing we were planning to name her sister after deli meat.
So from your letter, it doesn’t sound to me like your SIL INTENDED to steal the name. It sounds like she loves the name and thought it would be charming for two little cousins to share it, and that the options in her head were either that you share it or that YOU use the name, and that you accidentally told her you would be sharing the name. I would be EXTREMELY UPSET if I was the SIL and thought we were all settled and would be sharing the name and then after I had my baby my SIL used a DIFFERENT name and it was only at that moment that I felt appalled and sad and like I had broken a family rule and sewn SEEDS OF DISSENT. WITH THAT IN MIND, I would definitely revisit. Because maybe your brother and SIL will still use this name, but you at least want her to have it with the information that if they use it, you will not, and that seems like a critical bit of info.
I totally agree with Swistle and hope your family will step away from the name. It’s so delightful with your sibling set, and there are so many, many others that can blend with her sibling set.
From the list, I would strike Circe because it’s too much Cersei.
too much like Cersei
I love your names. I always wanted to name a child after a (celestial) star.
But first, I think you need to let go of Saskia. Im so sorry. Let it go! I think I would let NOT revisit it with my SIL, but I appreciate the idea that you may feel the need to say something. It depends on your perspective of aggressive vs passive aggressive perhaps.
Now, dont try to find THE name, just make a long beautiful list of female names from mythologies around the world! There are some super uncommon names I think are beautiful. Calliope! Peresephone! There are some slightly more common names that are still probably unusual to many, like Maia and Freja and Penelope and Iris and Phoebe!
I agree you should tell your brother and sister-in-law that you don’t want cousins to share a name and thus are looking for new options in case they stick to Saskia. And if that doesn’t change their minds about Saskia, maybe you would like Idony, one of my favorite names?
So sorry you’re in this crappy, frustrating situation. I hope you can still tell your SIL that the consequence is that you’re not using the name.
If things are too far gone, I’ll say that I love swistles’s rec of Theodosia for you!
Other ideas: Sorcha, Silka, Isolde, Petra, Octavia
Isolde! Swoon.
Oops—didn’t see that Octavia was already on the list. My favorite from the list above is Valeska. Completely unexpected and beautiful, and so nice with Clio and Melusine.
Valeska is my fave of Swistle’s suggestions, too!
I guess I would talk to your brother and sister-in-law about the fact that you aren’t naming your daughter Saskia, but I would be concerned about the love with an angry red, which isn’t how I would like to feel about my daughter’s name. If there is a way you can come back from feeling angry about the name and still give it to a child then and only then would I talk to your brother/ sister-in-law.
I want you to name the child Freya (goddess of love/war) or Ostara (goddess of spring) both out of norse/germanic mythology. I would also put forward Annika, Sigrunn, and Astrid
Ooh, but Freya is trending pretty hard right now (jumped from outside the top 1000 to #266 in less than 7 years)—probably more popular than this letter writer wants. But Ostara is super cool!!
Possibly too popular for you, but Saskia makes me think of Freya and Anneliese.
Oof, that’s a tough situation. I don’t really have much to add to Swistle’s advice here. I LOVE your family’s naming style, though. LOVE IT.
The first name that comes to mind for me here is Freya/Freyja, since it comes for Norse mythology, fits with your other kids’ names, and is just a great name in general.
Other ideas:
Artemis
Hera
Hestia
Juno
Saoirse
Atosia
Cythera
Acionna
Imona
Coventina
I knew a Saskia growing up (in the 80s) and her sister’s name was Annika. How about Annika? It sounds great with the last name.
Other faves:
Larkin
Oona
Orla
Portia
Oh man, that is a tough situation. If you are looking for other names, I thought of Saoirse (“Ser-sha”), which means freedom in Irish. Not as uncommon as Saskia, because of Saoirse Ronan, but a lovely name nonetheless. It became popular in the 1920s when Ireland was fighting its war of independence. I also like Aoife (Ee-fa), which means radiant in Irish. In Gaelic mythology, Aoife was the wife of Cú Chulainn.
My two daughters. :-)
I would have loved a chance to use Leocadia!
In case you need a new name, Saskia always makes me think of Solveig. It’s Nordic rather than German/Slavic (but used in Germany) and might have some pronunciation issues, but I think it’s beautiful. Like the muse and the water spirit associated with the names of your other daughters, Solveig has a fairytale turned play set to music associated with it.
If you didn’t mind repeating a name from Greek mythology and depending on how you feel about the associated characters, some other names I’ve always loved are Alcyone, Oenone, and Evadne.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE talk to your sister-in-law before settling anything. I would be so very unhappy if I were in your sister-in-law’s shoes and had specifically asked if it was okay for the cousins to share a name and thought that you were fine with it ONLY TO LATER FIND OUT that you were actually VERY ANGRY about the situation and felt forced to then change your baby’s name. PLEASE TALK TO HER.
That being said, if you still feel like you need another name some options that I’d add are Ferelith, Amaris, Anthea, Charis, Isadora and Magdalena.
I feel so awful for you that you are in this position. I really wish the rule was that someone can bring this to you but not expect an immediate answer. Your SIL should have let you think on it a bit. In the pressure of the moment, we’re more likely to say something we don’t mean.
I agree with all advise that you decide whether you can actually go ahead with Saskia given the option before you approach your brother and SIL. If you can’t, at least you’ll be able to enjoy that name in your life even if it doesn’t happen to be on your child.
I personally love the suggestions or Annika and Astrid as well as the Irish ones. (I love Irish names!) Good luck! I hope it all works out for the best in the end.
To suggest a few alternate names, I agree with the multiple recs for Freya, and I would also suggest Frieda or Finnja for north European names. And one wild card suggestions: Severina.
Ugggh. What an awful pickle! Yes, just talk to her. If she asked, she’s aware of what she’s asking. Let her know how you feel.
Saskia is such a fun sassy name, but there’s also Imogene, Astrid (author of my favorite book about a sassy girl “Ronia the Robber’s daughter”), Una, Tamsin, Octavia, and ok, not sassy but I love it, Celeste.
Names that are guilty pleasures that may be out there for others:
My list either from above or not for you would be
Behiti
Hildr
Solveig
Aziza
Heqet
Maat
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation and agree with other commenters about talking to your brother and SIL. I think they need to understand that if they use the name you won’t and leave it at that. Hopefully they’ll take the hint and you can use the name you love so much. If that’s not the case I love the name Mikaela, is not as uncommon as the other but is not on the top 300. Good luck!
If it does end up that you won’t be getting to use Saskia, there have been some great suggestions. With your sibset, my favorites are:
Lorelei
Linnea
Octavia
Iona
Xanthe
Althea
Isolde
Isadora
Oona
Xanthe!!! I love Xanthe even more than Saskia.
I think Swistle mentioned it too…I had to see it a second time to hear it. Clio, Melusine, and Xanthe. It’s completely perfect.
Some other names that seem to me like a possible alternative for Saskia (although it really is a pity that you can’t use that awesome name!):
Nadia
Nastia
Katia
Sonia
Bianca
Salomea (Maria Skłodowska-Curie’s middle name)
Dagmara
Andromeda
Kalina
Lyra/Lira
Antonina
Gaia (Mother Earth!)
Noemi
Sabina
Irena
Magda
Beata
Idalia
Aurora
Heidi
Selena
Larisa
Tulia
Romy
Oriana
Greta
Zara
I’ve just somehow thought about the name Guinevere, and realised it would also work well as Clio and Melusine’s sister. “Guinevere M@rcus” sounds really nice and, as a bonus, it comes from Arthurian legends so it also fits the “foreign mythology” category.
Proposed script for your SIL…
When you asked about the cousins sharing the name, my immediate response of sure. Because of course I understand that I don’t own the name and you are entitled to name your child whatever you want. Sadly, the more I thought about it, the more I have realized the idea of the cousins sharing the name really bothers me. I will not tell you you can’t use the name but I wanted you to know that if you do use it, we will be going with something else. If you wanted to elaborate about it being a rare name or explain that maybe if the cousins were further apart it might seem ok, or some other details to help explain how you feel I think that would be fine too. But I agree with others that a conversation needs to happen.
Other random thoughts—if there is any chance you could actually go into labor first, I would suggest going with another name. Even if SIL says she won’t use it. It honestly was kind of ballsy of her to even ask to “steal” your name. I’d be hesitant to risk that SIL wouldn’t go back on her word.
If the other baby is born first-and they use Saskia, I would suggest you work really hard to mentally reframe the entire situation. Maybe something like a story where you got to help pick her name or how honored you are to be part of the naming process or whatever you need to tell yourself to feel ok with the situation.
Last thought-I don’t know what your relationship with your SIL is like. I could have the needed conversation with one of mine, but am quite certain there would be Major Drama if I tried to have it with the other SIL. Depending on the situation, it might be better to enlist another family member/neutral party to have the conversation on your behalf? One of the benefits of this could be that the 3rd party would perhaps not need to be quite as diplomatic about it all? More of a “what were you thinking” kind of conversation perhaps?
So sorry to hear, what an awful position for you to be put in. Whether your SIL ends up using the name or not now, I can imagine it is still ruined for you.
Saskia is on my list of names I like but wouldn’t use. Two other names on that list that I think are comparable to Saskia are Tatiana and Titania. I like both names equally although can understand why some people would like one and not the other.
Tatiana would give you that Slavic feel and if you want a reason to love it, read The Bronze Horseman by Paulina Simons.
Titania, as Shakespeare’s queen of the fairies, would fit in very well with your other daughter’s names. It has never been in the top 1000 names.
All the best!
At the very least, go in with three names so you can see what she looks like and feel that the name “spoke” to you, to counteract the lameness of having to give up a beloved name. Saskia was on our shortlist, as was Xanthe, and we ended up naming our daughter Oona so since we might have some style overlap, I’ll add a few more to your list of excellent suggestions from others. I DO think ends-in-a is a winner stylewise for happy assortment: Orla! Sunniva! I ALSO think ends-in-consonant works too: Imogen! Anchoret! Which brings me to possible the best for last, Angharad.
Sunniva!!!
I love Sunniva even more than Saskia! GREAT suggestion!!!
My two favorite welsh names might work well for you!
Rhiannon
Bronwyn
I also love the Dutch name Annisa
Indian names Siona, Varuna, and Bijou
Zinnia, Orla, Adaire, and Twyla also beautiful.
I’m hoping to name my daughter Rhiannon if I can convince my husband to come around to it. All the heart eyes for this name!
This situation is stressing me out and it’s not even my family. I agree with this Swistle though. Let her know that you’re fine if they use it but you will not be using it too. The reason I’m commenting, is because I would like to formally request that you do a follow up after you have the baby. I’m dying to know how this all turns out. Good luck to you and congratulations!
I have always loved the name Anouk and think it would work really well with your other daughter’s names.
I was just thinking of Anouk!
I agree with the previous poster in that if your brother and SIL decide to use Saskia, you should really try to reframe the whole situation in your mind. You happened to find the name Saskia which was exactly the right name for your niece! That’s so special. And then you found a different name that was exactly the right name for your baby! You don’t want a lot of negativity tied into your feelings about your brother and his family for the rest of your life.
That said I Love Xanthe for you. I also wish that Scylla wasn’t the name of a terrible mythological monster because I think it would make a great name. Maybe Ophelia. Or Olympia, Signy, Hera. Maybe Io (pronounced ee-oh).
Well…this situation stinks. You have a full community of people whose hearts are with you on this. It was pretty nervy to even ask, and it’s a bummer that the natural opportunity to say “seriously? No! Lol” was missed. But who could blame you? I would be shocked and not give my honest opinion either!
If you would 100% use this name still even if they don’t, I would say something to the SIL, as has been previously noted. I would say, “I’m glad you guys like the name we picked so much, but when I said it was cool if the cousins have the same first name, I was just a bit surprised and taken aback. One thing I like about my daughters names is how unique they are and how, not impossible, but unlikely it is they will run into someone who also has that name. I would like to give that gift to my third daughter too. If you guys decide to go with it, we will try to find another name. Sorry I wasn’t more honest when you asked.”
Even if you feel like Saskia is tainted now even if they don’t use it, I would still say something—but I would alter it a little bit—I’m glad you liked the name, but just as a heads up we have decided to go in another direction. And if she asks what that is, you can laugh and say “I already lost a name that way, can’t risk it again!” (Omg I’m too passive aggressive I think, but that is definitely what I would say!)
Okay some ideas, lots of repeats:
Astoria/Asteria
Ximena
Tallulah
Ursula
Zareen
Lumen
Elska
Cosima
Cressida
Cymbeline (I’ve got a good handful of Shakespeare in this list, which I think would be a fun addition)
I love Swistle’s suggestions of Ariadne and Octavia.
Good luck, mama. You’re an amazing namer and will come up with the perfect name for your daughter.
I wish I could say that if this happened to me that I wouldn’t hold a grudge…but I totally would. Not against the child, of course. I def think you should give them a heads up that you won’t be using Saskia if they use it first. If they say that means they won’t use it, you need to decide if the name is still ruined for you and let them know in case that changes their decision.
I want to suggest the name Sunniva for you. It is the name of a Norwegian saint and means “sun gift” which is pretty perfect for an August baby. Stylistically, I think it’s pretty perfect with your sibset.
A few additional suggestions: Phaedra, Andromeda, Appoline, Aquillina, Althea, Amaryllis, Artemesia, Bevin, Delphine, Dulcinea, Endellion, Evadne, Florian, Kalinda, Kerensa, Orla, Perrin, Petronella, Petra, Yvaine, Romilly, Signy and Sigrid.
I also love Swistle’s suggestion of Xanthe.
Talk to your brother! I would be really upset if I was your sister in law and thought I had stumbled on the perfect solution only to find out later I had made a big faux pas. Your brother is the one you are actually related to, he is naming this child too – maybe he can give you some more insight into their thoughts? But I would also acknowledge to him that in the moment you did say you didn’t mind and you shouldn’t have because again if I was your sister in law I would hear that and think you liked the idea – and in some families two cousins with the same name is not a big deal at all!
In terms of actual names, would you like Sasha or Sarita for a girl? Or Sala? Maybe you could get near Saskia without having the actual name?
I just adore Sunniva. Your backstory sells it for me! I hope the OP chooses it!!!
Shannon – are you following along?!
Ooh, just saw the name Tamsin suggested. I love that one for you as well!
Definitely talk to them! They need to know you won’t use it if they do. You never know, she could be very apologetic and back off, getting you back to where you started.
I’d agree with a prior post, though, that if you end up having your baby first, I’m not sure I could commit to Saskia not knowing for certain their baby will be named something else.
Of the suggestions given, my favorite of Swistle’s suggestions is Valeska. My overall favorite of all suggestions here (even more than Saskia, to be honest!) is Sunniva! It’s stunning and is beautiful with the other sibling names.
Final vote – talk to them so they know, but choose Sunniva and keep it to yourselves!!
I met one little Zipporah once, and she was d-a-r-l-i-n-g. Her friends called her ‘Zip’, and –oh, man– it was THE cutest thing!
Clio, Melusine, and and Zipporah.
Another idea (if you’re interested) is Valancy. She’s literary and slightly musical to the ear.
Clio, Melusine, and Valancy.
Finally, one of my ancestors carried the moniker Sophronia. She’s SO Greek and has enough backbone to find a cure for cancer.
Clio, Melusine, and Sophronia.
Best wishes… and, yeah, I agree with Swistle… talk to your brother or sister-in-law. And be sweetly pleasant when your neice is born and named something from the Top 20.
I knew a sibset named Saskia and Svenia growing up.
Other names that remind me of Saskia:
Seraphina
Sybil
Svea
Sonia
Oh dear. I really hope you can bring this up with your SIL. I love Saskia.
Other names you may like:
Seren
Fenella
Sylvia
Isolde
Bellona (part of Roman warrior mythology)
Elowen
Mariska
Romilda
Imogen
Natalia
Helena
Ginevra
Annelies
Edita
Genevieve
Cordelia
Violetta
Greta
Josiane
Ailsa
Margot
Melisandre
Elfrida
But honestly, Melusine and Clio both repeat sounds from the surname Marcus, making the full names sound harmonious. Saskia does this too, which is, I think, one reason it sounds so good. I really think Saskia would be great to use! Will you always live near the SIL?
Liesl is a name I adore. Lorelei is another great name with mythology connections. Paloma? Leocadia? Euphrosina?
Please speak with your SIL. It sounds like she thinks it is fine for the cousins to share a name, and she did discuss it with you, and if she learns afterwards you resent her for choosing Saskia it could end badly. In my family everyone shares names, two families share 3 of the same female names! It has never created an issue. We use nicknames or middles to distinguish. So please do not be completely closed to the possibility. It always seems to work out.
As for alternative names:
Freyja/Freya
Thora
Solveig
Sunniva
Isolde
Morgana
Guinever
Idun
Siv
So many good options. I wish you the best.
What a pickle! I was pregnant when my sister-in-law was and it is a very weird dance…. How to deconflict names without risking exactly what happened to you! My SIL relationship isn’t pleasant so I was not convinced of good intentions. So … Deep breath. Sounds like you have a couple decisions within your control:
1) Do you still really want to call your baby girl Saskia? Is the name now emblematic of the conflict or still THE name for you and your husband?
2). If yes, still THE name, then really how much do you care that they have the same name? Point being, cousins are not always in each others lives. Even tight knit families drift after 18. Her name is for life. Not just the first likely 18% of it.
3) Conversation. Regardless of whether you decide to use it or not, you need a conversation with your brother and SIL. Close the loop if you will. “I’ve had some time to reflect on your question which took me a bit by surprise. Here is how my husband and I feel:”
A) ” So glad you love the name as much as we do! We are still planning to use it in August so we’ll need to work out a way to distinguish the two girls. Were you planning to use a nickname? Since this will be a bit complicated, we think it is best to let the rest of the family know on advance about the duplication and how we want them to distinguish the girls.” (She may have been trying to size up how serious you were about the name. Now they’ll know and she/he may decide it is a not good to double up. And if they were planning to primarily use Skye or Sasha as a nickname for example, the whole thing may be moot.).
B) ” We really think that it will be complicated with two Saskias in the family, so if you all decide to move forward with Saskia, we will start looking for another name.” (If she wanted to share, she may reconsider. If both are present, then he may feel awkward and back off. Point being they know and you know and no ugly surprise later nor simmering uncertainty on either side.)
4). Bottom line, whomever wears the name is not the problem. Love the little one as much as you (at least once) loved the name.
Two names I love:
Chloethiel: this is a very uncommon name but a very cool architect (Chloetiel Woodard Smith) had it. It’s pronounced Clo-TEAL. Built-in nickname of Chloe if you prefer.
Perardua: this is a made-up name, to be honest. But it comes from the lovely Latin phrase ad astra per aspera, per ardua (to the stars through bitterness and through adversity). Perry would make a great nickname.
I know a saskia and she has two sisters Sheridan and Sierra
I don’t know if it had any great backstory, but I knew a girl in grad school named Setareh (pronounced suh-tare-uh) and thought you may like that! I still vote for Sunniva!
I worked with a girl named Nadira and I always though the it was beautiful. I think it would go nicely with the sibling names.
Good luck!
It also just occurred to me that it sounds like your SIL & your brother don’t have the–ahem–variety in their mental name lists that you and your partner do. Saskia might be the FIRST beautifully unusual name that they’ve ever heard (besides your girls’). If you decide to talk with her/him/them and let her/him/them know that you’re sorry that you misspoke, but this does bother you (which I, like others, dearly recommend), you might show her the list that Swistle and commenters came up with (some of these commenters’ names are GORGEOUS, and so in line with the style!!) and see if something else catches her/his/their eye(s). I would be completely unsurprised if there aren’t 5 or 6 names that they like better than Saskia! Then you get Saskia, your SIL and brother are happy, AND you still get to know that you helped name your darling niece!
(Just be sure not to mention where the list came from, lol! Someone stumbling upon this page entry isn’t a desirable part of the resultant family legend!)
Hello Swistle and readers–original letter writer here. Thank you so much for tackling my problem! I almost can’t believe how hostile I sound in my letter, which was written in a very angry spiral sort of moment.
I waited until a calm moment, and then I did text my SIL to clarify that she is welcome to use the name, but that if she does, we will not. She was surprised; she doesn’t understand my viewpoint on that. But as a few of these comments have noted, the names she chooses for her children are meant to blend in. She offered not to use it if it means she is “stealing” it from us.
However, after some thought, I believe that the name has probably lost its magic for me whether my SIL uses it or not. I told her that I think we’ve moved on and that she’s welcome to use it or not. I’m not sure what she’s going to do about it.
Everyone’s suggestions here have been fantastic. I see a lot of love for Sunniva in these comments–this is actually a name we considered in my last pregnancy, but we concluded that it would be too tough to keep people from calling her “Sunny.” It’s beautiful, though!
As another Shannon pointed out, Freya is also sweet but too trendy at least where we live.
There are two names in the comments that I absolutely love, and one has become our new frontrunner. I am making sure not to share it with anyone right now, but I will write back in August with an update!
Shannon,
Good job using your words!!! These conversations are un-fun, but worthwhile :) And now your SIL and brother have some time to re-calibrate expectations as well.
Jess
When I initially read your letter, I was under the impression that your SIL was almost defiantly asking if it would be alright if the cousins shared the name, as if daring you to say no, but after re-reading your letter, it sounds more like she was sheepishly confessing that she’d fallen in love with the name and what do you think of the cousins sharing it?
I almost feel bad for your SIL in this scenario because it sounds like she asked the right question (would you mind sharing, rather than defiantly asking if she could use it) and you froze (understandably) and said you wouldn’t mind. When actually, you DO mind. I so wish we could turn back time and you could gently and nicely say everything Swistle just laid out, because I truly believe at this point it will be just too awkward and personally, i wouldn’t take it well if i were SIL. Now, it would be my turn to feel slighted because I did all the right things – I asked you first and you gave the go ahead. Perhaps your SIl is just a more understanding person than me lol, but at this point I’d let that name go.
I love Ingrid (it seems deceptively common in the sibling set) or Eliska (gives me kind of the save vibe as Saskia).
Good luck!
Fair play to you for having the conversation. If you’re still looking for new options, I’d add (to the many wonderful suggestions already made):
Finola – strong and lovely character in Irish mythology.
Vivendel – Norwegian for honeysuckle, I’ve always wanted to see someone using this one!
Tabitha – just really like it with the sisters’ names.
Best of luck – will look forward to your update!
I’ll second Sybil, which is the name of one of my daughters… she also goes by Sybilla. It’s a wonderful mythological name that still sounds relatively “normal” (unlike, say Andromeda).
I also think Astra sounds great with your other daughters names and has a ring of Saskia.
Excited to know what you choose!
Hard feelings are hard! I’m not sure I would encourage you to open this back up with your SiL in such a direct way. Maybe next time you see them saying something like: “We are feeling very stuck on a name. We’re having such trouble this time finding one we like.” This will let it be know that you aren’t going to name your daughter the same name as your niece without saying: “I’m not going to name my daughter the same name as my niece! A name you stole from me!” This will make your SiL aware of your intentions without having to make it a “thing.” I also wonder if this tension may have spoiled the name for you. Would you still be happy using that name if they didn’t? Sometimes hard feelings linger and perhaps it’s just best to be the bigger person and be happy to have a niece with an awesome name for once! with the silver lining of hoping to build a special bond with this niece over the fact that you suggested (not the right word, I know) her name. There could be something lovely to this. As for your daughter, a few names came to mind:
Signe
Nova
Synnove
Paloma
Sola
Iris
Glad you were able to get the hard conversation out of the way and are moving forward :) A couple of names I didn’t notice in the comments and I thought you might like:
Thessaly
Sarilda
Narcissa
Keturah
Lucretia
Best wishes–look forward to seeing what you choose!