Hi Swistle – I’m a long-time reader and a name nerd for as long as I can remember. I’m due in early April. We don’t know the sex, but we already have a girl name picked out (Len@ Gr@ce), in honor of my husband’s grandmother. Our last name is one syllable; it sounds like “rush” with a P in front of it.

We’re having trouble with boy names. My husband and I have very different tastes, with a few random exceptions. My style is perhaps best described as middle-aged man names, preferably with cute nicknames (Gerald/Jerry, Henry/Hank, Francis/Frankie, Carl, Dean, Russel/Russ, Charles/Chaz). I want to use Francis Xavier, in honor of my grandfather, and also just because I really love the name.

However, my husband really dislikes Francis/Frankie, although he does like Xavier. His other favorites: Octavius, Cassius, Casimir, Ax.

There is one name we both love: Thomas/Tommy. Here’s the catch: we already have a 2-year-old son named Jerry (Ger@ld J0seph).

So what do you think – can we use Thomas? Normally, I’d agree with the majority of the people I’ve polled already, and say absolutely not. However, we’ve always loved it; we think it’s perfect, style-wise, with Jerry, and it seems silly to rule out a name based on something that might only be an issue for the relatively short period of our lives when the two kids are always together. I also wondered who even watches that cartoon anymore, but apparently there have been several reboots over the years, with new episodes as recently as 2018.

I myself have raised an eyebrow at less-egregious sibling name pairs. Am I setting us up to be laughed at? I want 4 kids, and I realize it’d be better to wait and use Tommy for the third or fourth, when there would be another kid in-between to water down the association. I’d really appreciate a fresh perspective and your unbiased advice on this dilemma.

If you have any suggestions of other names we might like, we’re all ears! We both like Henry/Hank, but I’m hesitant to use it, only because if my husband ever comes around to Frankie for a future child, we definitely couldn’t use it if we already have a Hank.

Thanks in advance!

I think this is the sort of thing where you might decide to avoid Tom/Jerry as an impossible combination, but I also think you could choose to just LEAN INTO it: use the names and shrug cheerfully and enjoy the coincidence. I’m glad you’re considering having more children, because I think you might want more time to think about which way to go, and it’s nice to know this probably isn’t your only chance. My personal hope is that this baby will be a girl, postponing the decision and adding a spacer-name at the same time.

It would probably sacrifice the name Henry, but would you like the name Harvey? I love it with your naming style, and it avoids the Hank/Frank problem. One issue is that there isn’t a natural nickname for it.

One of my kids has a friend named Johnny, a surprisingly fresh-sounding option, though probably too similar to Jerry.

Another name in that category is Robert/Robbie: I find I’m ready to hear it again. Gerald and Robert; Jerry and Robbie.

Or Edward/Eddie/Ted/Ned. Gerald and Edward; Jerry and Eddie.

Similar enough to Thomas/Tommy that you have likely already considered it: Timothy/Timmy. Gerald and Timothy; Jerry and Timmy.

I love the name Carl, and even more spelled Karl. I want to talk your husband into using it.

I recently heard of the nickname Hodge used for the name Roger, and it made me see the name with new eyes. Gerald and Roger; Jerry and Hodge. I don’t know if I like Roger with your surname, though; it feels a little difficult to say.

I love Albert and Alfred, with the nickname Al for either, or else Bertie/Freddie. Gerald and Albert; Jerry and Bertie. Gerald and Alfred; Gerald and Freddie.

We had Alan on our boy-name list. Gerald and Alan; Jerry and Al.

Are we ready to hear Howard again? Gerald and Howard; Jerry and Howie.

Or Leonard? Gerald and Leonard; Jerry and Lenny.

I am ready to hear Douglas again. Gerald and Douglas; Jerry and Doug. Not sure about it with the surname.

One of my favorite retro nicknames for Charles is Chip. Gerald and Charles; Jerry and Chip.

There was a Beverly Cleary book called Fifteen that I must have read a dozen times as a youngish teenager. The cute boy in that book is named Stan, forever influencing my opinion of that name. Gerald and Stanley; Jerry and Stan.

The show Everybody Loves Raymond, and the actor Ray Romano, influenced my opinion of that name. Gerald and Raymond; Jerry and Ray.

Name update:

Thank you all for your input and well-thought our suggestions and advice!!
We ended up having a boy (just as I suspected), and named him Francis Xavier! We call him Frankie!
Jerry loves his “Baby Frankie” And is adjusting well to sharing his mommy and daddy and to bring a big brother!

Dear Swistle,

My husband and I are due in one month (April 6th) with our second son and most likely our last child.

Our first son is Everett James (Ev). My husband’s name is James, and my name is Katelyn (Katie). Our last name sounds like Giant but with a W.

We plan on using David for the middle name, but we are stuck on the first name. We would love for our son to have a strong first name with a great short nickname like his brother.

Initially we loved Theodore (Teddy) because our baby looked like a teddy bear in his first sonogram, but after some more thought, we felt that it was a little old-fashioned for us and the nicknames of Theo and Teddy didn’t feel like the right fit.

After looking at many baby name books, we settled on Griffin for most of the pregnancy, but in the last couple of weeks, we’ve started to question that choice because we don’t like the nicknames Griff or Finn. We still love the name, but we just aren’t completely sure about it.

In the past couple of weeks, we landed on Max. It is a strong name, and we love it. The only issue is that we don’t like any of the long forms of the name – Maxwell, Maximus, etc., so it would just be Max. We’re not sure if that’s too short of a name for a birth certificate.

Some other names that we’ve considered and rejected are: Henry, Peter, Thomas, Sidney, Ethan, Mitchell, Jackson, William, Jonah, Maddox, and Bradley.

If the baby was a girl, the top names would be Posey, Eleanora, or Anna.

We could really use your help!

Thanks and best wishes,

Katie

There are types/categories of nicknames, and I’m not clear on the lines between all of them (and I don’t think there ARE clear lines between them), but there are some I consider Nickname Nicknames (such as Max for Maxwell, or Will for William), and some I think of more as…abbreviations, or short forms, or something that is a nickname but not in the same way. I think one way to help find the line is whether or not the child would write the nickname on a school paper. I would say generally yes for Max, but generally no for Ev—though of course it would vary from person to person. Still, in general I would think an Everett would not typically write Ev on a school paper, even if it were common for his parents to say “Hey Ev, time for dinner.”

In fact, I would generally think of Everett as a name that didn’t have a natural nickname: if parents said a nickname was important to them, I would not suggest the name Everett. So when you ask me to find another name with a great short nickname like Everett/Ev, I’m not sure what to search for. I’m not sure if I should look for names that DO have what I consider great short nicknames (the Maxwell/Max, Benjamin/Ben, Samuel/Sam category), or if I should look for names similar to Everett/Ev (the Simon/Si, Emmett/Em, Keegan/Keeg category). My plan, then, is to look for names I think go well with Everett, and then just see what is available for nicknames and short forms.

I suggest Oliver, nickname Ollie. Everett and Oliver, Ev and Ollie.

Or Frederick, nickname Freddie. Everett and Frederick, Ev and Freddie.

Or Louis, nickname Louie. Everett and Louis, Ev and Louie.

Or Nolan, though I’m not sure about a nickname. Nole? Lannie? Perhaps one would emerge on its own. Everett and Nolan.

Or Charles, nickname Charlie. Everett and Charles, Ev and Charlie.

Or Malcolm, nickname Mal. Everett and Malcolm, Ev and Mal.

Or Franklin, nickname Frankie. Everett and Franklin, Ev and Frankie.

Or Calvin, nickname Cal. Everett and Calvin, Ev and Cal.

Or George, nickname Georgie. Everett and George, Ev and Georgie.

Or August, nickname Gus. Everett and August, Ev and Gus.

The name Max feels to me as if it goes with brothers named Jack and Sam, while Everett feels as if it goes with somewhat dressier names such as Jasper and Simon. And I don’t like the way the -x of Max blends into the Wy- of the surname: I get an unpleasant “kswy” sound. And it doesn’t meet your preference for another name/nickname combination. But both Everett and Max are vintage-revival names, so their styles overlap; and I don’t think the name Max is too short for a birth certificate if you don’t like the longer forms.

Name update:

Dear Swistle,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful naming advice and the wonderful input from your readers! Our baby boy arrived a month ago, and we ended up naming him Max. We are so happy and grateful for your help!

Best wishes,
Katie

Hi Swistle,

I’m due in 2 weeks with baby #3, a girl, and our last baby. I have a girl named Jane (always goes by Janie) and a Maxwell (nearly always Max). I swore if I ever had another girl, I’d name her Audrey. I’ve loved the name forever.

Somewhere in this pregnancy, though, I also fell in love with the name Nellie. We’d use it as a stand alone, mostly because we don’t love any of the more formal names for which it has been derived. I feel like it works alone as it was in the top 20 in the early 1900s for years. My kids love the name, my husband loves it and really I love it too. But I’m so worried that I’ll regret never using Audrey. I’d bump Audrey to the middle spot, but we’ve already selected a family name for the middle from my husband’s side (which has been largely neglected during the naming of all of our children). Do you or readers have thoughts or clever solutions?

Other considerations: I’m worried about my Janie feeling like her name is “boring”, so I’m resistant to using more flamboyant names (Penelope comes to mind). Our last name starts with M and we already have a Max so I’d like to avoid using other M names.

Thanks!

One possibility is that you love the name Audrey, you have always loved the name Audrey, you WILL always love the name Audrey, and you are just having a little fling with the name Nellie—but will come back to Audrey in the end (though we are running out of time for that to happen). Another possibility is that you love and have always loved and will always love the name Audrey, but now you have discovered the name Nellie and so all names have been re-ranked, and the challenger has defeated the champion.

I’m interested to know what the situation was with your first daughter’s name. Had you always loved the names Jane and Audrey, and it was a huge struggle to decide which name to use first, and you finally decided on Jane but with the comforting thought that you could use the name Audrey next time? Or was the name Jane the clear favorite over the name Audrey? Or was the name Audrey the favorite, but there was another motivating reason (honor name, etc.) to use the name Jane?

All of these things factor into the current decision, and I can’t tell from the letter which things are most likely to be the case. This is the kind of thing that would work best over coffee and doughnuts, while sitting in comfy chairs. We would pick through it piece by piece, and doughnut by doughnut.

It is not uncommon to decide on a name, and then get nearly to the point of using the name and decide against using it. Sometimes it’s that a name seems like a great idea until an actual baby is on the way / almost born, at which point things click into a new kind of reality and the name doesn’t seem right at all. Sometimes it’s that a name is the chosen name for so long, it gets a little…stale, or something. Sometimes a name that would have been EXACTLY RIGHT at one point in time is, for whatever reason, no longer exactly right at a different point in time. Sometimes a better name comes along. It can then feel weird to change one’s mind—and, for some of us, it can feel worryingly RIPE FOR REGRET. What if we wish we’d stuck to our original decision??

And our fears are not totally baseless, because it’s also not uncommon to decide on a name, and then get a crush on another name and go spinning out on that idea for a bit, but then come back with relief to the original decision. I am susceptible to that myself: Paul and I agree on a list of names, we decide on one name from that list—and then I hear a name on TV and OH MY GOSH I LOVE THAT NAME, WHAT IF THAT IS THE NAME?? But soon the name-crush fades and I’m back to our previous choice and glad the baby wasn’t born during that brief interlude when I was entertaining another name.

But sometimes a name turns out to be not a crush but a dark horse. When Paul and I were naming Henry, we were down to two finalists, one of which was the near-certain front-runner but I didn’t want to give up discussing the other option yet, when abruptly a new name came out of nowhere: we had never considered it for any of our babies before. I thought it might just be a name crush, but after awhile it seemed more as if the reason we couldn’t commit to either of the two finalists was that neither of them was Right, and this new name was Right, and we did use it, and I’m glad. (I do think our previous finalist would have been a really good choice too, though, and I don’t think I’d have been sorry if we’d used it.)

I think it can help to differentiate between a DECISION and an INTENTION. You can decide at age 12 to name a future daughter Emily because it is the most beautiful and perfect name in the world—but a couple of decades and an acquired co-parent and several actual pregnancies and a decade of Top-Ten Emilys later, that decision turns out to have been an INTENTION: the elements of the decision were not yet in place at age 12, so no decision was actually made. You weren’t 12 in your situation, but I would still say you intended to name your second daughter Audrey, but now that all the elements of the decision are actually in place, this is when you get to make the actual decision. I don’t think you should feel bound by your earlier intention (if you ARE feeling at all bound by it).

It has helped me, with time, to find that I maintain tender feelings for names we almost used, but in not a single case so far do I wish we’d used the Almost name instead. I think you can pick Nellie/Audrey (whichever you end up preferring) as the given name, and end up just feeling ever-tender toward the name Audrey/Nellie. I have several Almosts on my naming list, and I mention them pretty often on this blog in the hopes that others will use them, and I use a couple of them as pseudonyms for the kids, and I have secret hopes of seeing any of them used for grandchildren—but I don’t have any serious regrets about not using them. More like a fun “That was the name we Almost Used for you!”—but the name we Actually Used seems better.

I think one option is to name her Audrey and nickname her Nellie. I can be on the conservative end of the spectrum about nicknames, and so you might expect me to be opposed to such an idea—but in this particular case it seems like it has the potential to solve the whole thing nicely. Anyone wondering about the connection can be told a cheery “She just SEEMED like a Nellie!”: even I, so conservative about nicknames, would think “Oh! Okay! That makes sense! Sometimes things happen that way!” And the name Audrey doesn’t have other any natural nicknames to fight for the role. And I like the parallel set-up of Jane/Maxwell/Audrey and Janie/Max/Nellie (instead of Nellie being the only one who has just one version of her name), and I like the idea of her ending up with a more formal name if she wants one later on, without you feeling forced to choose a traditional long-form you don’t like much. And the combination Audrey/Nellie sounds right to me in a way that makes me wonder if I once read a book with an Audrey called Nellie. And also I just for whatever reason want you to have BOTH. I am perhaps getting soft in my later years.

Oh wait! I have had another idea, and it is my top favorite: name her Nell. (Unless you already considered that option among other more-formal names for Nellie, but I am imagining you were thinking more along the lines of Eleanor and Penelope, because of the reference to not wanting to get fancier than Jane.) It’s less diminutive than Nellie as a given name, while still letting you use the diminutive as you do with the name Jane/Janie, and it gives her a name/nickname just like her siblings. Jane, Maxwell, and Nell; Janie, Max, and Nellie. My one concern is that this option highlights the similarity between the -ell of Maxwell and the -ell- in Nellie.

And I think it’s worth reconsidering the middle name situation to decide which option the two of you like better / feel better about: using the honor name, or having a way to salvage/save the name Audrey. Sometimes honor names just don’t come out even, and that’s okay, especially if this is a situation where your husband’s family has been honored in everyone’s surname.

Name update:

Hi Swistle,

I wrote you a few weeks ago on my naming dilemma (a sister for Janie and Max). My husband and I poured over the comments for the last few weeks, rereading them in the hospital in the hours following the birth of our little girl. We even briefly considered naming her Anneliese (nn Nell/Nellie).

We finally settled on Nell Audrey Mae Mxxxx. So far, we mostly call her Nellie Mae or Nellie girl. We love the simplicity/dignity of Nell and the sweetness of Nellie. We weren’t sure about having two middle names, but Audrey and Mae are family names from opposite sides, and the longer length of the double middle seems to balance the shortness of Nell. Thank you so much to you and your readers for all the help and input!

Hi Swistle,

I wrote to you over 6 years ago and you and your readers were instrumental in helping us choose a name for baby #3. After 6 years of begging my husband, baby #4 (due in March) is a dream come true. My twelve year old daughter is Violet Noelle, nine year old son is Scott Brian, and our six year old is Simon Cooper. Again our last name is Wylie.

I know I’m struggling because I’m worrying too much about choosing the perfect name for our last baby, who is a GIRL!! Also, when I started naming babies 12 years ago my list felt fresh and now it feels dated.

Names my husband has vetoed:
Wren
Lane
Fiona
Olive

Names that I like that are too popular where I live:
Hazel
Lucy
Ruby

 

The names we’re considering now:

Vivian- I like Vivian but worry it’s too matchy with Violet.

Lila Jane- Lila is my husband’s favorite but he acknowledges that names are more important to me than him :) Sometimes I think I should just let him have this name but I can’t get past that it blends in with all the Layla’s, Lily’s, Leah’s, etc. Plus I don’t love that I would have a Vi, Si, and a Li. That would leave my Scott a little left out.

Calla- This feels like a modern choice but with a soft sound. My concern is that it’s less established than my other kids’ names.

Hannah- I know this one is pretty popular but there aren’t many where I live. It also has a soft sound and is biblical in the same way Simon is.

PLEASE HELP. Am I missing something? For middles, I like Rose or Bea. I’ve also been trying to brainstorm a middle name that is Springy since sister Violet has a middle name that’s very winter when she was born. I think a middle name that perhaps ties her to her sister Violet would be nice.

I think Vivian is great. It’s visually similar to Violet, but when said aloud it shares only the initial sound. It pleases me that this situation is parallel to the boys’ names: Scott and Simon (five letters starting with S, but different number of syllables and very different sounds), Violet and Vivian (six letters starting with V, but different number of syllables depending on how you say them, and very different sounds).

Lila sounds much more similar to Violet to me, despite the different first initials: those repeating L and long-I sounds in Violet and Lila really catch my ear. And I don’t like it at all with the surname: if she were called Lila Jane without exception, that sounds okay—but without the Jane, Lila Wylie is right on the edge of being comical. Since Lila is your husband’s favorite, I might try to make it work as a middle name.

Calla Wylie is a little hard for me to say with the surname, but not at a deal-breaking level. I like the flower theme with her sister’s name. I think it goes well with the other names, and I think there’s room to spread out a little when it’s a fourth child after a six-year gap: style coordination feels less important, even for someone like me who enjoys some good sibling-name coordination. It’s just so understandable that the parents’ naming style could have shifted, in addition to the change in naming trends in general.

I wonder if you’d like Lillian. It’s somewhat similar to both Lila and Vivian. Lillian Wylie. Violet, Scott, Simon, and Lillian.

Or Lydia: a little bit like Lila, plus biblical like Simon. Lydia Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Lydia.

Or Claudia. Claudia Wylie; Vivian, Scott, Simon, and Claudia. I love this name and it would have been fairly high on my own list if it hadn’t also been the name of Paul’s high school girlfriend.

Something from the Cora/Clara/Nora category? I like all of those with Violet.

Or Josephine. Josephine Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, Josephine.

Or Beatrix. Beatrix Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Beatrix. But perhaps “Bea Wylie” sounds like an instruction.

Or Minerva. Minerva Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Minerva.

Or Celeste. Celeste Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Celeste.

Or Louise. Louise Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Louise.

Oh! Maybe Margaret? Margaret Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Margaret. It gives you three names ending in T, but that’s fairly subtle.

I wonder if you’d like Anna instead of Hannah? It has a trim refreshing feel/sound to me recently. Anna Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Anna.

Rose has extra freshness as a first name, especially with Violet, and I love it with the surname; and having just one syllable ties it nicely with the name Scott. In fact, look at all the ties: Violet and Rose are both flower names; Scott and Rose are both one-syllable names; Violet and Simon both have the long-I sound; Violet and Scott both end in T; and all four names have the letter O. Rose Wylie; Violet, Scott, Simon, and Rose.

For springy middle names, I wonder if Wren could be saved from the veto list: sometimes a No for a first name can still work as a middle. Or the name Spring is pretty. Or what about Robin? Sweet and associated with spring. Or lots of flower names feel spring-like: Tulip, Hyacinth, Daffodil, Pansy, Bluebell, Primrose, Iris, Lily, Dahlia, Calla, Azalea, Lilac (similar to Lila), Daisy.

Name update:

Hi Swistle and Readers,

Thank you so much for your thoughts and opinions in naming baby #4. She was born on March 28th. We decided to name her Vivian Joy Wylie. We love her name and we love her even more!