Dear Swistle,
I’ve been an avid reader of your blog since I was pregnant with our first, and I’m coming to you for some naming advice for our third and last child… a third boy.
Older children are Benjamin Wesley (Benji / Ben) and Zachary Owen (Zachi / Zack). My husband’s name is Bradley (Brad) and I’m Jacquelyn (Jacqui). Our last name is a two-syllable Dutch name that starts with “van” and the ending rhymes with “ant”.
Sadly, boy names are really hard for us and we have an intentional naming pattern going with our two older boys: 3-syllable first name with a Biblical connection and a 2-syllable middle with a “w” in there somewhere.
We like the name Matthew for a middle, and it fits the naming pattern perfectly. But we’re struggling with the first name.
After a long search, we finally decided that Jeremy (nn Remy) is our favorite and the top contender of an extremely short list. My only concern is that it has a similar ending sound as Zachary: Benjamin, Zachary, and Jeremy. Would people assume the younger two are twins with “matchy” names?
Granted, all three of our boys are/will be very close in age (17 months apart and 16 months), so maybe the twin thing is a moot point. We will be fielding those questions because of their ages anyway. We are already getting questions on whether our two older boys are twins because they are almost the same height now. So maybe I am over-thinking the matchiness of the names… and we should go with the name we both love.
Thanks for your advice.
~Jacquelyn
I think these are all non-issues. No, I don’t think the names Zachary and Jeremy are so matchy that people will wonder based on names alone if they are twins. No, I don’t that would be a negative thing even if someone did manage to wonder that. No, I don’t think you have to repeat a naming pattern you’ve done only twice, especially when it includes specifications such as “two-syllable middle name containing a W,” which is one of the most arbitrary naming patterns I have ever heard of. Since you HAVE found a two-syllable middle name containing a W and ALSO you’ve found a three-syllable first name with a biblical connection, AND those names are your top choices and you agree on them, there is no problem here for us to solve. Yes, you are over-thinking the matchiness of the names, and you should go with the name you both love. It’s a great name.
If you were less happy with your choice, I would be leaning hard on you to get rid of some of these requirements. If, for example, these are your top names from names that meet those specifications, but they’d be very low on your list if all names were considered, then I think it would be worth starting over. When parents are struggling with names, that is not the appropriate time to add a bunch of hard and unnecessary and completely voluntary filters that dramatically reduce the number of choices. There I was, reading the letter: “Sadly, boy names are really hard for us” and I was nodding along—and then I read “3-syllable first name with a Biblical connection and a 2-syllable middle with a ‘w’ in there somewhere” and I said, out loud, “COME ON.” Why would you do that to yourselves? You are having three boys in under three years and boy names are hard for you; are you trying to make this into some sort of Iron Man Reality TV Ultra Challenge Naming Event?
Do you know how many people over the years will say, “Ah, I see what you did there: 3-syllable first name with a Biblical connection and a 2-syllable middle with a ‘w’ in there somewhere!” Nor do I, but I can tell you the number will be very, very low. Even Swistle, with her rabid and unceasing interest in names and naming stories, would not have picked up on all the elements of that theme. And here you are, wringing your hands over this while pregnant and dealing with two babies already! This doesn’t have to be this hard.
If you are happy with the name Jeremy Matthew, then you are DONE! You have done it: you have found a third name that fits the same specifications as the first two names, and you can rest easy—or rather you can continue to be busy and exhausted, because there is not much resting in the toddler-and-a-baby-and-pregnant stage. If on the other hand you have chosen these names only to meet voluntary/unnecessary preferences, and you don’t actually like the names very much, then ditch the preferences and start over fresh with an EASIER task: finding a nice solid name you both like, without worrying about syllables and W’s.
Name update:
Hi Swistle and Readers! First, I would like to thank everyone for your thoughts and suggestions on our naming dilemma. We thought everything through again, tried a few alternatives, and kept coming back to the same name. Jeremy Matthew, nn Remy, arrived two weeks early on June 10th, and the name fits him quite well.
Well, yes, what Swistle said. Jeremy Matthew is a great name and you like it, so I think you’re done.
But I’m going to toss out a couple more 3-syllable Biblical boys names anyway, because they’re favorites: Elijah and Isaiah. Both sound good with the sibling names and the middle Matthew. Oh, and Nathaniel would be good, too. Or Theodore…
I second Nathaniel nn. Nate since you guys like nicknames. I think it is classic (like your sons’ names) but fresh and underused. Where I live JAIR-A-ME morphs into “JAIR-ME” (two syllables) when said by… like everyone. Just something to consider if three syllables is important to you. Good luck and congrats!
Thanks for sharing your experiences with the pronunciation of Jeremy, Kate. I had not run into that before so that is good to know.
I really like Nathaniel nn Nate, but a close friend has a son by that name and we don’t want to step on toes. We did consider Nathan instead (and dropping the 3-syllable thing), but it just did not feel the same.
Thanks so much, Steph! And thank you for the suggestions. Theodore was actually one of the names on our short list.
We have a Theodore who goes by Theo and absolutely love his name (and we get many compliments on it). He is 3.
Love Jeremy Matthew with your other children’s names! I don’t hear that name often and it sounds so refreshing, especially with nickname Remy!
I love this blog and get a glow of agreement in my heart every time I read one of your responses…until today! We used a similarly obscure and arbitrary naming pattern for our 4 children, all boys. It was *hard*, especially by boy number 4…but gave us so much satisfaction each time, as we found yet another name/combo that perfectly fit our requirements. When you have a houseful of boys, you need those little wins!
If it makes parents happy and satisfied (and if it results in names they love), I am totally all for it: you know we have spent many happy hours on this blog solving name puzzles. It’s when it causes parents unnecessary distress and difficulty for no reason (and when it results in names the parents don’t love) that I think it should be dropped without a second thought.
Four boys! My hat goes off to you! That is what my husband is afraid of and why, even though we would love to try for a girl, this will be our last. ;)
I think it can a “little win” and feeling of satisfaction when the pattern works, but I also understand and appreciation Swistle’s advice and honesty, especially if the pattern is causing stress and anxiety. For almost two months, we did drop the pattern completely and considered all sorts of names and name combinations from many different styles, too. We even solicited suggestions from family to get some fresh ideas. Some were really good and even made our short list (Arthur, for example), but eventually, we felt drawn back to the pattern.
I love Jeremy and think it is great with the brothers names. I also would suggest Joshua (Josh) and Andrew (Drew).
What Swistle said–you have a name you love, it works in all respects, you’re done! For what it’s worth, I find Jeremy pleasing in this set because it furthers yet another pattern–Benjamin (8 letters), Zachary (7 letters), Jeremy (6 letters). Also, if I assume correctly that Zachary will answer most commonly to Zach for a lot of his childhood, the similarities between Zachary and Jeremy really won’t make a difference.
If you’re still looking, though, I thought immediately of Jonathan, which gives me some Jeremyish feelings and is appropriately biblical. Nickname Jon or Jona.
Jeremy Matthew is GREAT! Love it.
(If you are waffling on that perfectly excellent name, I would also like to suggest Josiah [Joey] Warren.)
Yes! I was going to suggest Josiah too.
Zachary and Jeremy are a bit matching, but not THAT matching to automatically assume the boys are twins. Besides, Benjamin and Jeremy both have that dominant “J” sound, so you can say that all three names are equally coordinated:)
However, If it really, really bothers you, I would think about ditching the 3-syllables requirement and using Jeremiah instead of Jeremy: it also gives you the nickname Remy but without that problematic synchronization with Zachary.
There’s also another option: because Matthew already has a huge biblical connection (whereas Wesley and Owen don’t), you can find a nice non-bliblical first name you like to balance it.
Ok, I guess I AM overthinking it now:)
Just use Jeremy Matthew, it’s great!
Haha! It is so easy to start over-thinking, especially when naming a third child. I have to catch myself and put myself on a name-time-out sometimes so I can come back to it with a clear head.
I had not noticed the dominant “j” sound but that is nice, too. :)
Jeremy Matthew is a nice name and fits well with the other children’s names. I like Jeremy because you don’t hear it often anymore.
I’d also like to suggest Nathaniel called Nate. Benjamin, Zachary, and Nathaniel. Ben, Zack, and Nate. So perfect.
I don’t think having a Zachary and Jeremy are too close, especially when the instances of you saying those names in that order will likely not happen often? Won’t you more usually say ‘This is Benji, Zach and Remy’? I actually find Benji and Remy quite close, but still not a deal-breaker. You control how you introduce your kids, so you can mix it up ‘This is baby Remy, Zach and Ben’ or ‘Jeremy, Benjamin and Zachary.’
I love Remy as a nickname for Jeremy. So good.
I love that @Shannon pointed out the 8-7-6 pattern. Stuff like that makes me happy. I would like to point out that by using Jeremy, you’re doubling your Js and your Bs in your family. I like that it kinda bookends though – BbzjJ. Maybe that’s getting too nerdy.
Bottom line – you love Jeremy ‘Remy’ Matthews, so that’s who he is.
My three kids are Barrett, Tucker, and Cooper. The second two are 18 months apart but are the same size, and we are asked if they are twins on a daily basis. Their names are also similar in sound and style. It’s really a non issue, so if you love the name I’d go with it.
Thanks so much, Allyson! That helps a lot. :)
I love Jeremy Matthew. Stop there.
But if you’re looking for more ideas, I thought maybe Joshua?
I think Jeremy is a handsome nane, but I see how it might not be as exciting to you. Too bad about Nathaniel.
If you want a stunner, I suggest Ezekiel Andrew. What a name!!
Also 3 syllables:
Abraham Andrew
Gabriel Matthew
Joshua Andrew
Solomon Matthew
Samuel Warren
Lots if wonderful options!! I love Abraham Andrew Van ___.
Good luck.
Love Gabriel nn Gabe and Samuel nn Sam! Great great options.
I feel like you’ve probably read many lists of boy names from the Bible, so I’ll offer a name strategy instead:
1. Is there a name that you LOVE but does not fit the criteria. A name you WISH had fit the criteria?
2. Take that name and look for fun coincidences with Benjamin and Zachary.
For instance,
Dan is a cool name. It’s a tribe of Israel, like Benjamin. It shares the same “a” sound as Zachary.
Jeremiah is a cool name. It’s the name of a minor prophet in ancient Israel. It has a J sound like Benjamin and is very similar to Zachariah, which is very similar to Zachary.
If you feel empowered to imagine a new naming rule, you might feel more free to identify the names you love!
All that said, you’ve found a wonderful name in Jeremy Matthew. I’m 42 and one of my cousins in named Jeremy. You’re way ahead of the curve for a Jeremy revival!
Won’t 90% of the time your children be called Benji/Ben,
Zach, and Remy?
I guess as a mother of older children. Both go by nicknames. The only time their full names are used is Graduations and Marriage. With children in separate grades and different ages they will never be said at the same time. I love the Ben, Zach, and Remy siblings. I don’t see the issue.
Very good point! We are a family big on shortened/nicknames so it is likely that as they get older they will probably go by Ben, Zach/Zack, and Remy.
I swear to god, I’ve gotten the question “Are your kids twins?” half a dozen times. They’re 2 1/2 years apart. Seriously, there’s a big difference between a 4 yo and an 18 mo! Usually it happens when they’re in the double stroller, but still.
Jeremy Matthew is a good, solid name and Remy is a good nickname. He could also go by Jerry, Jemmy, or JM if he wanted later, so it’s got options. I like it.
I had my son and niece in a double stroller when they were little – ” are they twins?” –
Me – no they are 5 months apart, they are cousins”
I dont think she heard the cousin bit because she looked at me and said ” wow, you were keen” lol
I think Jeremy Matthew is great and works well with the brother names. Just throwing a few others out so you can reaffirm what you prefer.
Tobias M@tthew
Raphael M@tthew
Jonathan M@tthew
I think Zach, Benji and Remy is a pretty darn great sunset!
Love Abraham Andrew (Abe), too.
Welcome to the three boys club! I hope you adore it as much as I do.
Aw, thanks! At first, the thought was a bit overwhelming but we definitely warming up to it. :)
You say in one of your comments that you keep coming back to the pattern. I wonder how much of a part the ‘w’ plays in this? The syllable count plays a big part in how the names sound and many people are drawn to names of a certain length. Does looking for a 3-2 name (even a 3-2 biblical name) but dropping the need for a W make things any easier? I don’t make the same sound for the W in Wesley and Matthew so I’m thinking it is less of a factor.
As an example I really like Samuel for you (or Gabriel) but neither seem to work well with Matthew. Samuel Thomas however sounds great! or Gabriel Joseph. Those are just ideas. I just wonder if keeping the flow but changing the letters would help? I find Matthew only works well with names that stress the first syllable (like Benjamin!) so that is an unintentional impact of the pattern.
Do you like Matthias? Matthias William? (kept the 3-w, dropped the 2 depending on accent)
@Erinms and by sunset I meant sibset
I, too, came to suggest Gabriel, nn Gabe. Or Lucas, nn Luke.
Another idea that is sort of akin to Nathaniel/Nate is Daniel, nn Dane.
Theodore/Theo, Oliver/Ollie are also great choices. Or maybe Garrett, nn Rett. Or Louis / Lewis, nn Lou/Lew. Or Peter, nn Pete!
Hi, fellow mom of three boys :) Just wanted to add that I’m in northern New England and most people say : Jair-me. I haven’t really heard it pronounce with three syllables. I think it’s a lovely name and especially love Remy. I have a Theodore nn Theo and we love it for him. So I came to suggest it. Gabriel and Samuel were also on our list that we never used. And if you want to get wild: Zebedee :) I actually love it!
Zebedee! Swoon!!!
How about Jeremiah? Benjamin, Zachary, and Jeremiah.
First of all Jacquelyn, I love your name, My mom always planned to use it and for some reason, with 4 girls she never did.
Second, I think it is amazing that you have come up with some great names that fit your specifications. The thing I like the most is that you use long names and shorten them, every time, even with you and your husband. For me either everyone gets a nn, or no one does.
I think Jeremy Matthew is a great choice. If you really want to consider another possibility, Susan mentioned my thought, which was Jeremiah. You could use the same nn that you have picked out for Jeremy. But I also think you will love Jeremy.
I look forward to hearing what you decide, and how well it works.
I just thought of Ephraim. Can be pronounced with three syllables; I think Remy could be used as a NN.
Ephraim Matthew Van _ant
I think you have a great name picked out! I get what you mean with coming back to a pattern. We only have one babe right now, but my list of future children has changed since having him. I just came to say that I have a student named Jeremy (12 year old) and I pronounce it Jair-ra-me, but I hear coworkers say Jair-me and Jerm-me. I’ve been taken aback by the last pronounciation, because it sounds like germy, but I’ve heard it several times. I’m in Minnesota. Best of luck with your new babe!
Thanks so much to everyone for your thoughtful suggestions and reassurances! I think I had reach a point of over-thinking things and we have a little bit of time to “live” with the name. You all have given me my confidence back, and we’re going to share the name with family.
The name suggestions were great, too, so we now have a few extras on the short list if Jeremy doesn’t work out but for now, it feels like the right now to both my husband and I. I really appreciate this community. We’ll share a final update after the baby arrives.