Hi Swistle!
I have been a longer time reader and in need of some solid naming advice from you and your readers!
We are due with second baby in October and we will keep the sex a surprise.
Our first son’s name is Connor Brant Care-again with a K. Connor is a name we both agreed on and middle name is a combination of our Father’s names, Brian & Anthony.
Last time, we had agreed if we had a girl, her middle name would be another ‘combo’ name honouring our Mothers, Carol and Janis- Caris. We have agreed to use this middle name again if Baby #2 is a girl.
Here comes the problem, if we have a boy, how can we still honour our Mothers?
My husband proposed using my maiden name, Mc-IrishName (which is my Father’s last name) for Baby Boy #2. Although I thought it was such a sweet gesture when he shared this, it made me feel like we would be leaving my Mom out. PAUSE for back story:
1. My parents are divorced and my husbands parents aren’t; I think/know my Mom would feel slighted if my Dad was honoured twice and she/her family wasn’t (especially since she is aware that Caris will be used for a girl).
2. My MIL has been honoured already with other grandchildren so I don’t think it would phase her if we did not chose to honour her and her family. However, if we only honoured my Mom’s family, I think it would appear odd that we honoured 3 out of 4 grandparents.
So, I am left with this, can we use Caris as a boy’s middle name? Or, should we consider using maternal grandfather’s names? The names are:
Mine:
Jan (dutch name for John; pronounced sort of like ‘yawn’) VanV-dutch name
My maternal uncle is John.Husband:
William Sr. Martin
His maternal uncle is William Jr. (Bill).Ideally, I would like my son to have to one middle name but I realize this may not work. I have two middle names. Back story #2: I was born with one middle name however when I was 2 years old my Mother added a second middle name, Jane, into my name to honour her dying Mother’s request. My grandmother (Joyce) had a ring with her birthstone & J engraved in it. It was passed to my Mom (Janis) who is also born in same month as my Grandmother. I also happen to be born in that month and therefore my Grandmother mentioned in one of her last conversations with my Mother that she would like me to have the ring but it was too bad I did not have a “J” name. Fast forward, my mom added Jane into my name. So perhaps it would be nice for our son to have 2 middle names?
The last bit of info I guess I should include is we have not settled on a boys’ first name. Top contenders are Riley, Archer (Archie),Grady, Brody, Sawyer or Lachlan.
I hope you can help us!
Take care,
Amanda & Pete
After reading the letter, my first answer to the question “If we have a boy, how can we still honour our Mothers?” was “Don’t. Honor someone else instead.” You have a perfect way to honor them if the baby is a girl, and that symmetry is very pleasing so I hope it works out that way, but that doesn’t mean you have to twist yourselves up to find something the same if the baby is a boy. It’s not that you CAN’T, and in fact I love the idea of honoring women in boys’ names, but it doesn’t sound as if anything is working out in this particular case.
One option not mentioned in the letter, perhaps for good reason, is to use your mom’s maiden name. You mention all the problems with using your own maiden name, and I agree with all of those: your dad has already been honored, your mom could feel quite slighted by that considering they’re divorced, etc. Is your mom’s surname a possibility or is it no good as a name? (My family is Dutch, so I know those VanV names vary widely in usability.) Or are there other names/surnames from your mom’s branch of the family tree? I think “leaving out” your mother-in-law makes sense in this situation, and would not seem odd to anyone in the long run: it’s clear to you in the midst of the naming process that you’re honoring three-fourths of the grandparents, but that’s not something that will remain clear over time, especially if you have more children and use more honor names.
Wait—perhaps you could use Janus, the masculine version of your mom’s name and also a pretty cool mythological guy. Was your mom named in part for her dad Jan? And was your middle name Jane chosen with Jan/Janis in mind? That would make it extra appealing to hand down another version of the name: Jan to Janis to Jane to Janus. This is my favorite solution, and I love how it hands a name back and forth between men and women in the family. I feel excited about it in a way that makes me not want to consider any other options. Honestly, I considered putting my foot down and insisting, or emailing you every day in an attempt to wear you down. Instead I will now subtly try to talk you into it by mentioning it again and again as if it’s a done deal.
For first names, I think you have a lot of good options, and that they all work fine with the middle name: Riley Janus, Archer Janus, Grady Janus, Brody Janus, Sawyer Janus, Lachlan Janus. I am slightly less in favor of the ones with repeated endings: Connor and Archer, Connor and Sawyer. Not enough to rule those out, just enough to knock them lower on the list. I find Lachlan a bit of a challenge with the surname: Lachlan Care-again almost rhymes, and has a tumbling feel in the mouth; for me, it’s enough to knock it off the list, but I wouldn’t expect that to be the same for everyone. And I’m feeling unusually opinionated and bossy today, so if it were up to me I would also take Riley off the list: according to the Social Security Administration, it’s currently used much more often for girls in the United States (6,343 new baby girls and 1,454 new baby boys named Riley in 2017, and that doesn’t even take into account all the Rylees and Ryleighs and so forth), while the name Connor is used almost exclusively for boys. Your spelling of “honour” makes me think you may not live in the U.S., though, so this may not be a factor.
Let’s see, so that means my own favorites with Connor are Grady and Brody, then Sawyer, then Archer. My own top favorite is Grady. Connor and Grady. Grady Janus Care-again.
Could another boy-middle-name-honoring-mom option potentially be “Van”? I’ve definitely met boys and men with that name. It would be more of a nod, I suppose, so I could see it feeling potentially too watered down—but personally I quite like it as a name and as a solution!
Carol was once a man’s name, from Carolus – could you consider Carolus or Carolis a combination that would work for a boy? Or go with Janol and figure no one ever uses their middle name? Or just use Caris and not worry about it? Or ask your mother to choose a name she loves rather than using her actual name?
It looks like the male version of Caris is Chares. You probably can’t expect people to think “Of course! Chares, a combination of Janis and Carol,” but what matters is whether it feels significant to you (and a little bit, whether it feels significant to your mother and mother-in-law).
Another option might be Jerrell…not exactly in style, but actually flows well as a middle with most first names.
I also think you SHOULD be able to use Caris as a middle name for a boy, and I kind of get a sense from your letter that you want to. It really depends how much of a problem you feel like it will be if someone calls it “a girl name” down the line.
I think the middle name Jay would be perfect. It kinda honors the fact that you, your mom, your grandma, your grandpa all have J names somewhere in your name and it was an important enough letter that your mom added a J name to your name even a few years after you were born. If you combined Brian and Anthony for Brant for your first son, then why not just Jay for this baby; it doesn’t seem like too much of a stretch at all but still manages to honor.
Grady Jay Careagain is gorgeous
I like this idea too– especially if your mom likes it! Run it by her. You never know!
My first thought was to simply use another J name, but Swistle’s suggestion of Janus is amazing! I really think it solves your problem. I should add that I do not think not honoring your MIL is a problem, particularly since she has already been honored in the extended family.
I also like the suggestions of using Van and Carolus. Janko is a variation of Jan, perhaps that (or spelling it Janco) could work as a mash-up?
I like this idea too– especially if your mom likes it! Run it by her. You never know!
I wonder if Jonas would work? It’s so similar but distinctly in fashion without being too popular, and just two vowels off of Janis? I honestly think it would even work great a first name, both with brother Connor and with your last name, but it would be a fantastic middle as well. I just can’t quite get myself on board for Janus, and I think you need to save Caris just in case you have a girl down the road.
This might just be me, but I have never heard of Caris as a name before, and it doesn’t read particularly feminine or masculine to me. I think using that name as the middle regardless of gender would be a great solution, and I quite like the sound of it as a boys’ name (as well as a girls’ name).
I haven’t seen Caris but Carys is a well established Welsh name and as far as I know it is 100% girl.
Personally I’d go the double middle Carl John or John Carl depending on which first you use.
Second vote for Van…or maybe Vaughn? Grandmothers maiden name seems like a great solution and saves Caris (which is lovely) for a girl.
Jann is a more common/familiar male version of Jan isn’t it? Though in high school there was a Jan who was tall dark and handsome and everyone just was used to him being Jan-hard-j.
I’m wondering if Jack as a combo of Janis and Carol would be a too far-fetched association?
If not, it actually has a lot of pros:
1) would save Caris for a potential future daughter (Caris is beautiful name!)
2) gives you an initial letter J
3) is a one-syllable name like Brant
4) is sometimes used as a nickname for John
5) goes well with basically all the contenders for a first name:
Archer Jack (probably my favourite)
Lachlan Jack
Brody Jack
Grady Jack
Sawyer Jack
But Janus is a really great suggestion too!
(It is also used in Poland as a variant of Jan [John], but is spelled with a ‘z’ at the end: Janusz [‘sz’ is pronounced like ‘sh’]. Polish nicknames for Jan [and Janusz] are Janek and Jaś, but I like Janko too.)
I would like to suggest saving Caris for a girl and using a name that honors your husband for a second boy.
Grady Peter or Brody Peter sounds great!
Janus! Janus! Janus!
I like the idea of using a J name and would suggest John. One syllable and goes well with your top boy name contenders.
I love the idea of a ‘jan’ variant name as an honour for your mum, and my favourite is Jannick/Jannik. I also like Jack as a potential blend too, if thats what you’re looking for! Janus looks a little too much like anus for my liking.
First uneven honor names is normal. Its hard to fit everyone in with only two kids, and she has been honored already. Iwouldn’t give honoring 3 of 4 grandparents a second thought. Plus the baby will have your MILs last name. This is a non issue.
Now for names:
Janus! Janus! Perfect! Wonderful! Unique, meaningful, a little mythology to boot. Grady Janus, Brody Janus, Sawyer Janus – all awesome.
Jan would be cool – very European male name. I know several. Grady Jan Careagain sounds great.
I also like the suggestion of Jay – your mom gave you Jane because you needed a “j(ay)” name!
As for Caris, I’m mostly familiar with the Welch female name Carys. Sounds the same as Caris, which is a tad singsong with your last name. With the “i” spelling I might think surname not girls name. If thinking about the meaning behind Caris gives you a thrill every time you think about it, If this is your last kid, I think Caris for your sons middle name is fine, special even. I prefer Janus but Grady Caris Care again is a lovely name and tribute.
How about Roan from Carol and Janis?
I vote for Jarol or Janus. Good luck!
What about combining Carol and Janis to Canis instead of Caris? Cool association with wolves and dogs, and a couple of constellations sharing the name. I’m sure some people wouldn’t want to be associated with dogs, but I’m a fan. :-)
I liked Jan for the middle. I also liked Swistle’s suggestion of Janus, and the commenter suggestion of Jay. All in all I think you have a lot of good options. I also feel like you were coming, on your own, to the suggestion of just using your mom’s name as the honor base for this (boy?) baby.
My husband’s family considers honor names to be just the first letter. If you made that argument the whole world of J- names would open up. John, Jonah, Jack, Jay would good options, so would Jason, Jacob, Jonathan, etc.
As for the first name I kind of like Riley best. I know that girls are using it, but it works so nicely with Connor.
I love Grady with Connor and your surname! Would def pair with your mom’s maiden or Jay, Jan, Janus. All great options!
I think there’s not reason you cant just go ahead and use Caris for a boy unless in your heart you want to keep it for a girl.
Jack is a great one!
Perhaps Niro as a mashup of Janis and Carol. Or the name Canice that shares sound/letters from Carol/Janis and is Irish like Connor.
Or Jaice/Jace/Jayce (like Joyce) sound like a pruned down more masculine version of Janis.
Since the shared initial thing is significant on your moms side, maybe a J first name for this baby like Janis since Connor starts with C like Carol.
I love all Swistle’s ideas! I have three boys and they each have middle name honoring a woman (my maiden name, my MIL’s maiden name, and my mom’s maiden name). I love it.
Grady is a great name!
What about Niall?
I would save Caris for a girls middle name.
Grady William Jay or Niall William Jay would by nice!
Good luck!
I love Janco/Janko or Jannick!
I suggest saving Caris for a future daughter, unless you’re done having babies after this next one… also, just for kicks, I suggest the name Liam as a first name to throw into the mix. It’s a shortened form of William, and it is Irish!! I just had to suggest it. Let us know what you decide!
Janus! I love it! It was my first thought when reading your letter, and I was pleased Swistle thought the same. Runner up-Jan, third choice, Jay.
I like Grady the best for a boy first name, followed by Archer if you plan to call him Archie at home (otherwise I think it is too close to Connor).
I would not worry about MIL’s feelings, especially as she has been honored with other grandkids and you feel this won’t be a huge deal for her.
You could also ask your mom what boy’s name she likes best?
Carl-Janus or John-Carl or Janus-Carl? Carl being the masculine version of Carol