Hi Swistle,
We are expecting our first son in November, and wanted to give him a “classic” name. Last name starts with S and rhymes with “skippy.”
My husband’s name is James Robert S___ and goes by Jim. We both really like the name James for this baby (I’d love to call the little one Jamie but am open to all possible James/Jim-based nicknames as he grows).
The issue is, I just never wanted to name my son Husbands Whole Name II – honestly it seems like a mess paperwork-wise, and for what? Is it weird if I give him a different middle name? I would love to honor a beloved family member who doesn’t have a first-name-worthy name with the middle, calling the baby James Lloyd S____. I feel like this would be a good compromise, my son has a little bit of his own identity while honoring family traditions, and wouldn’t have to deal with suffixes on everything that asks for his name. I’m fine if he ends up called Jimmy Junior (which my in laws are currently doing), as long as I don’t have to make sure the “the II” or “Jr.” box is checked on all his paperwork, and that he and his dad don’t get each other’s mail for the rest of their lives.
But there’s a nagging voice in my mind saying maybe it’s weird to not go all the way with naming for his dad, should I suck it up and just go with James Robert S__ II? (FWIW, my husband doesn’t seem to care either way).
The other name that my husband and I both love is Benjamin (middle name probably still Lloyd), but (a) that’s his sister’s husband’s name so we’d feel obligated to clear it with them and (b) if we name any kid James, I’d want it to be this first one.
Thanks for your insight!
It is not at all weird to give him a different middle name, and in fact that’s the common solution to the suffix/mail issues you mention. I think it’s a great idea, considering your own preferences and your husband’s lack of preference.
If you do decide to duplicate your husband’s entire name, the traditional suffix would be Jr. rather than II: II is traditionally used when the original name is not the name of the child’s parent. That is, if you were naming this baby after his grandfather or uncle (using the grandfather’s/uncle’s exact full name), the child would be II and not Jr. But since in this case the full name would be the child’s parent’s name, the child would traditionally be a Jr. It is not that you cannot use II if you want to: there are no suffix police, and the government doesn’t care; I mention this only for general interest.
But if I were you, I’d skip that whole thing and give him a different middle name as you’d prefer.
Not weird at all. Happened twice within my extended family. I think it’s a nice way to pass down a father’s name without making an exact repeat. However if identity mix up with mail is a huge concern for you, the middle initial with reduce mix up but won’t eliminate it entirely. My grandfather and uncle had the same name with a different initial in the middle and they had mail mixed up sometimes. Not everyone’s database even uses middle name or initial.
I have know several (4-5) boys/men who had their fathers first name and not their middle name. For a couple of these I don’t know the real reason but for those I do, here goes
1) there was a family near us growing up where all the sons had their father’s first name (John) and a unique middle name that they went by John Anthony (Tony), John Raymond (Ray), etc. It seemed to be a tradition in their culture.
2) This situation involved extended family of mine. The parents wanted to name the son after both grandfathers. The name they preferred as the first name (David) happened to be the Dads name as well. The grandfather was David Paul, the father was David Andrew, and the son was David Walter. So the same first name, different middle name came up twice in the family.
3) The last time I know the reason was related to guy in my dorm at college. It had to do with a blended family. The mother had a son named Matthew James from a previous relationship. Her new husband was also named Matthew James. He always had wanted to name is own son after him but two children (and 3 people) named Matthew James in the same house was too much. So the son was named Matthew Scott and was called Scott. We only all called him Matt because that was the name on the door when he moved in and he never corrected us until his family came to visit and they were calling him Scott.
* BTW, names have been altered to protect the innocent but the story lines regarding the names are true.
I have friends where the Dad has the same name as his father – just the first and not the middle. He went on to name his son his own name exactly – the first and middle. So now the grandfather, father and son have the same first name, but only the Dad and son have the same middle. That makes me think that the father wished he had the same middle as his own Dad, so he could have been a Jr. The son goes by his name written twice, so it would be like Jim and JimJim. Though that’s only with family and friends, not at school. The grandfather gets called “Jim” Senior at times, even though his son isn’t really quite a Jr.
Not sure if that’s at all helpful, but I found it interesting.
I do think it would be fine to use a different middle.
Go for it and just use the first name, seems completely reasonable and not a rare thing to do. For what it’s worth, my son’s name is James and his middle is David. Both family names (James is 3 of our four grandfather’s names and my father-in-law, David is my father). We call him “J.D.” most of the time and it’s a nickname that’s working well. This way we used family names but got a unique nickname for him.
I know multiple instances of this. One of my best friend’s husband is Michael MiddleB after his father Michael MiddleA and they also have a son who is Michael MiddleC. All go by Mike or Michael and there are no suffixes. It works for them.
Go for it!
My husband has the same first name as his father, but middle name is different (it’s his grandfather’s first name). His dad goes by the nickname of the first name while my husband goes by his initials, so there were never any “junior” references between the two.
We occasionally receive things in the mail for his Dad and vice versa, and we make sure to include my husband’s middle initial on any paperwork to help avoid confusion.
But for the most part, there are no issues… my Dad is actually the fourth and it has been tricky! My Mom refused having my brother be the fifth! haha, so I’m all for having a different name on all accounts :)
Not weird at all. I’ve seen it done both ways, and both ways are completely normal to me.
I am married to a Jr, who HATES the fact that his father has the same name (especially because his father has been known to commit financial shenanigans and oops, using the “wrong” social security number). When we bought our first house, the financial unwinding we needed to do was ridiculous. There were too many lines of credit that were murky as to who they belonged to. As a result, my husband swore he would never give his children a name too close to his. And we threatened legal action, but still can’t use Bank of America because of my Father-in-law.
I married into a family that reused the same 3 men’s names in various combinations for several generations. I just wanted to mention that in this family, like many of those in the comments above, children who have Dad’sFirst DifferentMiddle typically end up using the middle name as their everyday name. It sounds like you have a good plan already (dad=Jim, child=James/Jamie), but something to think about when you choose the middle.
This is the tradition in my family. My brother is William Smith Anderson, dad is William Hamilton Anderson, grandad was William Matthew Anderson, and then it went back two more generations. It is a nice tradition and a nice way in the family to differentiate by initials. (WSA, WHA, WMA). However, I will say that it didn’t eliminate the confusion with mail, phone calls, etc. I routinely had to ask if they wanted the kid William Anderson, the middle aged William Anderson, or the 70 year old William Anderson. My dad still gets stuff for his dad, at an entirely new address and with Granddad being deceased for 20years.
Anyway, it’s not weird at all, and a nice way to differentiate the two people and honor another family member too. It’s a great idea.
(Not their actual names, just similar.)
Not weird! My husband father-in-law are bothToms–Thomas P. and Thomas M. My husband’s middle name is after his uncle. Growing up, he was Tommy and his dad was Tom. Now they both go by Tom, which can be a little confusing, but if you’ll be calling your son Jamie vs. Jim, I think you’ll be fine. Less confusing than two people with identical names!
Like pp, I do know of at least three people who have the same first/middle as their father and go by their middle, so it’s possible your son will go that route too, but at least for now you have control over the name he goes by :)
Totally normal! In fact, my BIL is James Michael T and his son is James Robert T. My husband and son both have their father’s middle names as first names and mom’s brother’s first name as a middle. And FIL’s got his dad’s first and middle and his mom’s surname. (FIL was a wee bit before the wedding) So, they’re Albert Bryan A, Albert Bryan B, Bryan Kerry B, and Kerry Michael C-B.
My nephew is named after his grandfather and great grandfather. His mom used a different middle name and There was no issue. Probably an improvement, actually. (Josiah instead of George) however we do have a baby nephew who is #5 with the same name as father/grandfathers. James Andrew. He goes by James and none of the others do. Congratulations!!
Not weird! I had a Grandpa James and an Uncle Jimmy.
I think it’s perfectly fine, to use the same 1st name and not the middle.
As far as having the same first names, we very rarely had any issues in our family, where our eldest and his father have exactly the same formal and nickname.
It happens all the time. My nephew is the 4th Leonard and I think his son is the 5th but each has their own middle name and that’s what they all go by. My grandfather’s middle name was his mother’s maiden name- Harrel, my dad had the first name Harrel, my brother is James Harrel and I have a nephew who is a Jr. (My dad also had a cousin named Harrel with a different middle name). I also know a family where the first son is given the dad’s first name as a middle name- Michael Robert, James Michael, Matthew James. This gives each person his own name while keeping the family tradition going. So go for it. If you like the names James use it. And give him the middle name you want. As far as nicknames goes, if you like Jamie go for it but all but one of the male Jamie’s I have ever known reverted to Jim or James as adults. As a matter of fact, my brother grew up as Jimmy and his family now calls him Jim but he otherwise he goes by James. When he named his son Jr. we asked what they were going to call him and they said Jimmy, which was confusing to the rest of us so we proposed JJ for James Jr.. That’s what he goes by now and it’s really cute on the toddler. I also have a nephew named Jerry David who goes by J.D. and have known a J.T. So J.L doesn’t sound odd to me at all.
We did this with my daughter. She has the same first name as I, but a different middle. (And actually, a hyphenated last name the first half of which is mine, so that’s not exactly the same either). She is still young, so we haven’t really dealt with financial stuff yet. But having a difference in our middle names (and using them consistently whenever possible on official paperwork) has been good for disspelling confusion with the TSA when flying and with our family-plan health insurance.
To me it seems clearly not-weird and potentially hassle-saving to have a different middle with a first name namesake. Also, although there is nothing wrong with a junior, it’s nice to be able to share around the naming honor, have a more interesting naming story, and potentially there is a little less weight on the kid to be just like dad.