Hi Swistle!
I have been reading your blog for years, from the time I was unmarried and definitely not considering naming a child to present, where I am 19 weeks pregnant and undecided on a name! My husband and I are expecting a baby boy in November, and we are thrilled! However, we’re stuck on names and I’d love your input. My husband’s surname is Whit (with an e at the end, like the color) and the baby will take his name. Another thing is that the baby will definitely have 2 middle names; my husband does and his father does, too (their middle names are the first names of both of their grandfathers, which I love).
We have a similar naming style: classic, easily recognizable, not overly popular (not top 10), and we particularly like names that lend themselves well to nicknames.
Our top pick had always been Finley (we’ve talked about names for our kids for years). There are two “problems”: 1) it’s his grandfather’s name, so we have agreed that the 2 middle names would come from my side, since first and last would be his… this is fine but breaks the cool pattern of grandfather middle names, and 2) we have a friend who named his son Griffin, and the parents call him “Fin” for short. Obviously, a Finley would also have Fin as a nickname… The full name would be Finley David (my dad) Ru$$ (my mom’s maiden name) Whit (with an e at the end).
Because of those two things, and because I overthink everything and want to make sure I’ve left no name unturned, we have not yet settled on that name.
Here’s the rest of our shortlist.
Lincoln
Harrison
Jameson
Emerson
Quinn
Ulysses (*husband loves this, obviously a bit out there compared to the rest of the naming style; nn Lee)
Russell
Henry
Malcolm
Ian(middles names for any of these would be David Dinsm00r)
I am wondering if my qualms with Finley are overstated, and whether there are any names that we are not thinking of that go with this list/naming style. I bought the baby name wizard and we have poured over it quite a bit, most of these names came from there.
Would love your input and that of your commenters!!
Thank you!
I wanted to make sure I understood the grandfather/middle-name issue, so I got more information from the letter-writer:
Finley was my husband’s grandfather, so I guess I felt a bit like it would be fair to give “my” side two names if we did his grandfather’s as the first and then his surname. Dinsm00r is my husband’s father, so if we came up with a different first name the two middle names would be David and Dinsm00r. Since writing, we have continued to think a lot about Finley David Ru$$ White, where David is my dad and Ru$$ is my mom’s maiden name. That makes the entire name an honor name which gives me some pause as we probably wouldn’t have so many honor names for a future child – boy or girl.
I agree: if the first name ends up being a name from your husband’s side, it definitely makes sense to use two names from your side as middles, and I like your solution. Another option would be to use your father’s name and one of your grandfathers’ names, or both of your grandfathers’ names, but I greatly prefer your idea of bringing your mother’s name into it.
I see what you mean about using so many honor names for one child. Would that make you feel pressured to do something similar for future children? It’s not uncommon for the firstborn to have a different name situation than the other children, but it’s good to consider ahead of time if you want that or not. You could decide that the firstborn boy has his grandfathers’ names, the firstborn girl has her grandmothers’ names, and the rest of the children have a different system. Or you could give all the boys the same two middle names and all the girls the same two middle names—perhaps with the order swapped back and forth, so for example the second boy would be ______ Dinsm00r David Whit.
Would you want to consider saving Finley for a future child? It risks losing a chance to use the name, but it could solve all your issues in one swoop if you’re not planning to do the same middle name tradition for subsequent children. The firstborn could then follow the naming tradition and have both his grandfathers’ names, the secondborn could have the honor name Finley and not run into problems with middle names, and it would put more distance between your friend’s Fin and yours.
Another option, though it also involves risk, is to go ahead and use Finley David Dinsm00r for this child, but use three honor names from your side for the second child. This lets you have your favorite first name and also follow the naming tradition you like. I prefer to mix honor names from both sides for each child, but sometimes other preferences take precedence over that one.
Whether the friend/Griffin issue matters or not depends on the particular friend. Is it a close friend? Will you see them often? Does this friend seem from other name discussions to be prickly/possessive about names? I do think it helps tremendously that it’s just the nickname that is the same (and not even from the same part of the name, as it would be with, say, William and Wilson), and also I think Finley being a family name gives you full license to go ahead and use it anyway. You could soothe things further by referring to your son as Finley when you’re with the friend’s family.
I love a lot of the other names on your list. My favorites from there are Lincoln, Harrison, Russell, Henry, and Ian; of those, I am particularly swoony over Ian, Henry, and Russell. I love Malcolm, too, but with the surname it feels a little odd. Ulysses feels hard to wear, and the nickname Lee is not intuitive. I would normally suggest using it as a particularly fun middle name, but we are already full-up on middle names!
More names to consider:
Anderson
Callum
Calvin
Davis
Elliot
Ellis
Emmett
Everett
Flynn
George
Harris
Harvey
Keegan
Lawson
Louis
Oliver
Simon
Sullivan
Thompson
Wilson (alliterative with surname)
Name update:
Swistle,
Name update! Baby boy, Finley David Russ Whit(with an -e), was born 11/24 at 11:03. His name was solidified by your commentary and the comments of your readers who helped me feel that using two names from my family was fair and equitable. He’s a doll and we are in love!
Thanks for everything! Happy holidays to you and yours!
Brittany
Finley David Dinsmoor Whit_ really seems like a great name for you. Keeping track to make sure both families are equally represented can be important when one parent is also compromising and using names they don’t love, but that doesn’t seem like it’s an issue for you here. From your letter, it seems that you genuinely like the name Finley and you genuinely like the tradition of middles after each grandpa. Assuming that you’re planning to have more children down the line, I’d jump at the chance to pick a name that you like AND makes you seem generous towards your husband and his family. Your mom’s maiden name is conveniently a name that is traditionally used for boys, so you’ll have lots of options for honoring her with future children. You’ll also have space to pick two names from your side, if you want…your absolute favorite names, rather than your dad’s first name because that’s what your husband’s family’s tradition says you have to do (although I’m sure your dad is a lovely person, and David is a fantastic name). Or maybe you’ll want to just politely decline to also use whatever name’s next up from your husband’s family tree, if it’s not your style, and decree that you deserve to pick one name just because you like it. After all, you will already have set the precedent with your first (via magnanimous generosity towards your husband) that there’s no hard and fast rule to use 4 names, 2 from each side. My point is you’ll have a firstborn with a name you really like, and so much freedom left for naming your subsequent children. I think you should go for it.
(And don’t even worry about the other kid named Griffin.)
Can you use lee as a Nickname instead of Fin. I would th
I agree with the above poster. If you really like the name Finley and really like the tradition then just go for it. Nobody will judge you because your son has 3 names from his dad’s side and only one from yours. Mostly because unless you tell them, nobody will know. If you would rather you could do Russ David D1nsmoor Whit (e) and you get to honor your mother, father and father in law. Or pick something totally different like Wesley or Samuel or Nathan with the two grandfathers name and save Finley Russ for a second son and again you get an honor name from each side in the name. I think if you took his last name then Whit(e) belongs to both of you at this point and shouldn’t be considered totally your husbands.
I love Russ David Dinsmoor Whit(e).
If you want to spread out the honor names and like Finley for a girl, I might save it.
If you like Lee for Ulysses, you can use Lee for Finley as well. If that helps distinguish from your friend’s Griffin.
Do you like Russ as a first name? Russ White sounds very nice, and you could do Russ David Dinsm00r White.
I was thinking that, too. Finley does break into 2 fairly familiar names in and of themselves.
I like Swistles suggestion of saving Finley for another child. The great part is that Finley could work for a boy or a girl so you could use it either way.
I love Ulysses!! I just wanted to throw that out there. :)
I would use Finley and not worry about it being close to Griffin’s nickname – your friends would have to be super precious to worry about someone sharing part of their child’s name! I wouldn’t worry about changing styles for future children and I would also use your favourite now. We used our 3 favourite girl names for our first child even knowing it ruled them out for a future child – because what if we never had another girl? I decided I would be sadder to have never used the name.
My thought is that you both have a name you like, that also has a family connection so why not use it? I would lock in Finley for the first name (great name!) and then work from there, first names are used every day whereas only family will focus on the middle names after the first few months.
My personal value is that I would feel dudded doing the you choose first name I’ll choose middle if I got the middle! It always feels like an unfair trade to me. So for that reason I would go with using the name you love (assuming you do love Finley), the dad’s family tradition of middle names (since it also has one from your side) and then for the next child flip it and use a name from your side in the more prominent position (Russ!).
This child Finley_paternal grandfather_maternal grandfather_last
Next Child Name you like_maternal grandmother_paternal grandmother_last
Extra points if you manage to pull the name you like from your family tree!
I really like Finley David Russ Wh….
My second choice would be Russell David Dinsm00r Wh….
I would not worry about running out of honor names unless you plan on having a large family. Honor names can come from dear old friends, mentors, influential people on our livvs. Not just family.
If those two issues bothered me, my solution would be Russell David Dinsm00r Whit(). Russell honours your mum without being her exact surname (though I think Russ would be a natural nickname) and you get to keep the grandfathers-names-as-middles tradition. (I noticed you said you “loved” that tradition, not ‘liked’.) Plus I think the flow of that name is SO nice. I would save Finley for the next child as you could use it for either gender.
While I agree with Swistle I just wanted to throw this out there, we named our son Ulysses and sometimes refer to him as Uly, which makes a little more sense than Lee in my opinion. Though mostly we just call him by his full name since one of the reasons we picked Ulysses was because it’s harder to get a nickname out of. (I personally don’t like nicknames but understand why other parents do)
I -love- Finley David Russ, called Lee. I think it’d be great.
Finley David Dinsmoor would be pretty cool too, since you get both your favorite name and the tradition you like so much. That’s a lot of DH’s side of the family, but if that’s the name that makes your heart go all fluttery, it’s okay. Honestly, I used my husband’s family as an excuse to use the boy’s name I loved best, because it’s a bit quirky and I wouldn’t have dared if it weren’t already a family name..
I gotta ask, does Grandpa Dinsmoor go by a nickname?
Thank you for all the comments! So helpful! It’s so much better to hear the comments and suggestions of strangers than the families, as that can be quite fraught! 😁
Grandfather Dinsm00r goes by Dinny!