Hi Swistle,
I’m hoping I can get some help with naming our third baby boy, due in October. My husband and I are struggling so much with this, it’s almost unbelievable. I wrote you a novel, and I’m excessive with parentheses, so feel free to edit as you like.
Our first son is Zane David – my husband’s family is from an area around Zanesville, OH and long before we had kids we visited the Zane Grey museum there. Both of us said “huh, that’s a cool name” and didn’t think much more about it, until we started trying to find names for the baby. Part of the problem with naming our babies is that my husband has wildly different tastes than I do, and it makes everything difficult. We finally settled on Zane, and David is my father’s name. We really like his name, and it suits him VERY well.
When our second son came along, we struggled again. I really liked the name Julian and put it out there as a strong contender. My husband didn’t like it AT ALL, and I heard no more about it for a number of weeks. He’d occasionally float other names, and I’d make a Marge Simpson noise, and we’d move on. Then, suddenly, he decided he liked Julian after all, and actually even started telling people that was what we were calling him. I was surprised, but since it was the name I wanted anyway I was cool with it. His middle name is Stephen, after my father-in-law. The middle name was decided after my FIL was diagnosed with cancer (sadly he passed on last month, three years after his initial diagnosis). We mostly call him Jules, if it matters.
Now we have the third boy, and are struggling again, this time with both first AND middle names. If we had a girl, she would be Edith Grace or Edith Caroline – but he is very definitely a boy, so we’re stuck! At one point my husband was telling people he was going to convince me to name this one “Trace” because it sounds like tres and he’s the third – I shut that down immediately! Trace would be an excellent name for the Palin family to use, but it definitely doesn’t fit with our names.
Complicating factors:
1. My MIL and I have a . . . fraught relationship. Also, when husband and I were first married, we had found a name we really like (Edmund), and she proceeded to crap all over it loudly and at length (which ended any discussion of names with her EVER until after the name is absolutely decided upon and final. She did not like the name Julian.) She named her children with all A-names, claiming it was just a coincidence (Sure, Jan.). I refuse to consider any A-names as a consequence. If that were not the case, Alexander would probably be a strong contender. I also will not use any Z- or J-names, for the same reason. Jasper would be a good name, otherwise.
2. My father’s family has a tradition of using the name Bryson. It was my grandfather’s middle name, my dad’s middle name, and my brother’s first name. Neither of my brothers have chosen to use it, and both are finished having kids. This is the last grandchild (for both sides; we actually have the only grandchildren on my husband’s side), and my mother has been pressuring me to use it since I was about 20. As soon as we found out this baby is boy, she ramped up again on the pressure. I would actually not mind using it as a middle name, although I have some residual contrariness that makes me slightly reluctant. My husband is neither here nor there on using it as a middle name.
3. I really feel like I ‘mismatched’ my sons’ names; Zane is an older name, but sounds trendy/new, and Julian’s feels really traditional. Neither are regionally popular where I live. I’d like, ideally, to be able to balance out the sibling set.
I would say that my taste in names runs to 1920’s-ish sounding names. My current proposed names are:
Wesley (small issue: if my younger brother had had a son, he would have been Wesley Bryson, but they are one-and-done, and they had a girl)
Malcolm
Spencer
Felix (I really love this one)
William (family name on my husband’s side)
Isaac
GavinMy husband’s:
Luke
Bennett
CalvinMy husband likes Felix okay. I like Calvin okayish. But neither of us are wild about the other’s choices, and he told me the other day that he “keeps hoping he’ll just come across a name and realize ‘that’s it!'” which tells me that he’s really not enthused about any of my choices. He has floated his own name (Aaron) as a middle name, which I really don’t care for, but haven’t said anything about yet.
Names I just generally really love but are probably not going to work for various reasons:
Simon
Jasper
Alexander
GrahamI’m starting to get very antsy. We had both of our boys named by the 6-month-ish mark the last two times, and there is no sign we’re going to get this figured out soon. I am sure hoping you can help!
Gurl I hear you on the fraught mother-in-law relationship. We don’t want to reconsider Edmund, do we? Such a great name. Too bad she doesn’t like it. Fake sad-face emoticon.
Here is what I think: use Jasper. If you had just one child and had used a J name for him, I would agree that you might want to avoid anything that looked as if you were following in your in-laws’ all-same-initial footsteps. But with a Z in there, I think you’re good. And I think Jasper may be the name you’re looking for to bridge the gap between Zane and Julian. But imagining my own mother-in-law, and the way she would have said smugly, “See, that’s how it happens!” about the matching initials of even just two of the kids, and would have said it frequently—well, if Jasper has to be out, it has to be out.
After Jasper, I think Felix is the frontrunner for me. Zane, Julian, Felix. I might actually like that better than Zane, Julian, Jasper. Yes, I think I do. Yes. That’s where I would put my efforts: seeing if your husband repeats the thing he did with the name Julian.
But I also really like Calvin in this sibling set. Zane, Julian, Calvin; Zane, Jules, Cal.
And I don’t think Zane and Julian are mismatched. They might not be the exact same style, but I think they’re adjacent/compatible styles.
I don’t know what you should do about the Bryson thing. Family name traditions can be fun, but, in my opinion, ONLY when they are purely opt-in and there is no pressure/pushing/nagging. The MINUTE there is hinting and pushing, I go into “YOU NAMED YOUR OWN BABIES AND I GET TO NAME MY OWN BABIES” mode and start to think naming traditions should be methodically squashed to avoid letting earlier generations think they get to make that kind of decision for later generations. I suggest the next time your mom brings it up, you say, in whatever way makes sense for your relationship and the way you talk to each other, something like “Mom, you know I have a contrary streak, and when you push for this it makes me want to not use the name just on principle.”
Name update:
Hi Swistle!
Name update: We had almost settled on Bennet (my husband was stubborn) when Stan Rogers came up on my playlist, singing “Barrett’s Privateers” and I asked my husband “what about Barrett? We could call him Rhett.” He looked at me and said, “We could call him Bear,” and we both started smiling like idiots at the thought.
Anyway! Barrett Bryson was born on October 10, and he is healthy and beautiful and both of his brothers are smitten with him. Thanks for your help!
IMHO you honored each side of your family with middle names with your first 2 sons. If you used Bryson, it could be seen that you chose your family twice and your husband’s once, which seems like it could cause problems with your MIL. I think Felix Calvin would be a lovely name!
I like most of the names on your list and your husband’s list in the sibling group. The problem seems to be that the best either of you feel about each other’s list is “okay.” But he did come around on Julian, so maybe just taking a break (maybe a month?) from talking about it and seeing if he shifts is a good strategy.
For what it’s worth, Malcolm and Felix are my favorites.
I love your boys’ names.
If you still like Edmund, I’d use it now and let MIL stew about it if she so chooses. Since you were going to use Edith had this child been a girl, it seems like it now fits. Zane, Julian, Edmund.
Here are some others I like with your sibling set:
Perry, Finn, Glenn.
Yes! Let her stew!
I misread Perry as Percy, and I rather like it. Zane, Julian, and Percy. I like Calvin Felix better, though.
Assuming that the children have the surname from your husbands family, then I would disagree with Michelle and say that it doesn’t matter if you use more names from your family in the middle. I think keeping count is a lot of hassle too, unless you are both quite eager to honor certain relatives.
I do agree that Edmund seems to be the obvious choice. Your mother-in-law either comes round to the name or she doesn’t but if you both still love the name then it shouldn’t stop you either way. I love the name Edmund and I think it goes really well with your sibset.
Edmund! Because if you can’t make someone else happy, you might as well make yourself happy :)
But if it’s not the name this time around, maybe the similar sounding Emmett is? Or I love Leo with your sibset and think that could be the perfect name for brothers Zane and Julian.
I also love Malcolm from your current list.
I agree with Leo and Emmet !
I also like Felix Calvin or Calvin Felix. Otherwise, I like Bryson William and you could both honor both sides.
Could you make a deal with your husband that the first name is Felix and the middle is Aaron, giving you both something you want? Pros: Felix is a great name especially with the set, and since both brothers have middle names after grandfathers, I always support continuing the family names tradition.
Although I can certainly see why you would balk at using Bryson. It is a great naming tradition, but was handed down your brother, and he chose not to use it, so it seems ridiculous that now it is your responsibility to use it.
At any rate, even if Aaron and Bryson are off the table, I would really suggest using a family name for this baby’s middle. And maybe if one of you has a strong preference for a certain family middle name, then the other can have stronger say in the first. The bonus of that is that your husband doesn’t HAVE to find the name that he thinks is perfect, he can go with the name you think fits. (As long as the middle name issue doesn’t bring the MIL issue into anything.). Good luck!
(And although I feel especially strongly about all kids having equally “important” middle names, my husband is the oldest of three boys and both his brothers have family middle names and he doesn’t and it doesn’t bother him. I keep reminding myself of that for perspective.).
I’m Team Edmund too. You both loved it at one point. Slam dunk. (You said MIL didn’t like Julian, but I certainly hope now that it belongs to a grandson, she’s gotten over that.)
So you’re not into using Bryson in the first spot? is that because your brother is Bryson? Would you consider Bryce as a nod? I feel like that works wonderfully with Zane and Jules.
Other than Edmund, sounds like you need to keep searching for new ideas but keep your faves on a list, because maybe your husband will come around later on one of them. So for new ideas… I’m thinking twists on each of your fave /can’t-use names so that maybe it nudges them into more favour?
instead of Simon – Silas?
instead of Jasper – Cassius?
instead of Alexander – Xander?
instead of Graham – Grady?
instead of Felix – Nixon?
instead of Calvin – Calloway?
Also, I wholeheartedly agree there can never be too much of your family in your children’s’ names, if they are carrying their paternal surname.
I was going to suggest Bryce too. Also love your suggestion of Grady
I was coming to suggest Xander too. Or Xavier.
I feel like Edmund doesn’t balance out the style of names the way you would want (more Julian style, less Zane style). What about Edwin? Very similar sound, but it feels like it bridges the style gap a bit better.
Or what about Xander? You get close to Alexander without the pesky A problem. Ooh, it does have the same starting sound as Zane. Well, I still like it in the group.
Maybe Casper instead of Jasper? I know it has the “friendly ghost” association, but I actually think it’s pretty prefect style-wise.
Yes! I came here to suggest Xander as well. I think it goes great with both brothers’ names.
I agree with Phancymama–I would use a family name for the middle name to match the other two. I like the idea of tossing Bryson there (if you decide to use it after all), or doing your husband’s name Aaron there IF you get the first name you want. Felix Aaron is very cute. Then again, you shouldn’t HAVE to compromise so if both of these names are out, they’re out!
I have a son named Simon, and Malcolm and Graham were on my list, so here is the rest of the list to see if it might work for you: Tobias, Duncan, James (starts with J so probably out), and Nico.
It sounds like your husband has a kind of Western style (Zane, Trace), would you guys like Wyatt? Roy? Cassidy? Garrett? Westen?
Oooh – Casper! A mixture of Jasper and Calvin.
Zane, Julian and Casper
Zane, Jules and Cas (pronounced Caz)
My daughter has a Casper in her class; I think it’s adorable! And neither she nor any of her friends know Casper the Friendly Ghost.
I love Felix and think it’s the perfect balance between Zane and Julian.
If you like Gavin and your husband likes Calvin, I’m going to suggest Kelvin after the British scientist.
Adding a middle name from your list of possibilities could give
Kelvin Edmund
Kelvin Felix
Kelvin Bryson or
Kelvin Alexander.
When I saw your girl name was Edith, I started brainstorming Ed- names for you, so I think that makes me officially team Edmund as well.
Or…is there any chance you’d like Cary? Or Linus? I don’t know for sure that Caroline is a family name, but it seems likely since you’ve chosen honor names in the middle for your two sons. There’s also Grayson, which doesn’t seem like your style, but might be your husband’s.
I can’t decide if Zane and Julian “go” together as a sibling set or not, but I think they’re fine, and if I were you I’d just try to foster my sense of smug superiority for naming each of your children as individuals instead of trying to come up with matchy matchy names that all start with the same letter like SOME people.
On the other hand, you could go with something like Ezra (or Isaac, or Desmond), and have Zane, Jules, and Ezra and make it look like you were going for a zzzzzzz theme all along.
I vote for Edmund! I’m a little biased because it’s my son’s middle name, but I think it’s such a great name. Out of your choices and your husband’s, I love Malcolm and Calvin. I don’t think you can go wrong with any of the names on your lists.
My own contrary nature makes me think Bryson would be great as a middle or even maybe first. But only if it would annoy the MIL that the honor names aren’t “balanced.”
I agree with Swistle about Jasper. It’s lovely, but I would probably pass so as to not give MIL any ammunition. So names like Jasper, but not. Casper could work. It also has the benefit of being similar to Calvin. Theo, Benedict (similar to Bennett). Sterling, Heath, Tobias/Toby, Bram.
What about Xander/Zander instead of Alexander? Oh, or Xavier? I think I like Xavier even better.
For middle names, I’d encourage you to look at women in your families you would want to name after. For example, if Grace and Caroline were family honor names, you could do something like Gray/Grayson and Carl/Charles.
And if you still like Edmund, I’d consider it back on the table. Just don’t announce it until After he is born.
Count me in for Edmund as well! My pastor named his son Edmund and I just find that name so refreshing and unique!
What about Harvey? I know a Felix and his brother is Harvey which is a name I find unique and refreshing as well!
First, can I just humbly request that this writer be my new best friend.
Second, whooo, but do we need good xy-chromosomed people in the world, and whooo, but is raising them hard (what with society being pretty poisonous, not b/c of anything inherent about xy chromosomes), and whooo, but is it wonderful when people who sound really kind and thoughtful and good are tasked with raising 3 of them. This makes me really happy. 3 up and coming good forces in the world confirmed!
Third, and I don’t say this lightly (or ever), but I like alllll of these names. Edmund and Jasper and Felix and Calvin would all be lovely. You won’t go wrong no matter what. Your husband won’t come around if you immerse him in some Calvin and Hobbes? It’s so close to Gavin. Does he like the Gavin Rossdale connection or does that question just make me out of touch? Ranker has a list of famous people named Calvin, if something on there might help him see the light.
I’ve been stuck on the name Blaise, lately. Because it sounds lovely and looks lovely and is an old name. It also might bridge the Zane-Julian gap nicely, bc it has that soft lyrical quality of Julian, but it’s one syllable and the “s” sounds like a “z.” Also I think a little kid might just love being (sounding like) “Blaze.” A superhero name! And you could be like, “Mom, oh, yeah, Bryson, you’re right, but we can’t repeat initials with the first and middle, that sounds so silly doesn’t it; sorry!” Although I am also a fan of Swistle’s more direct approach. ;-)
I used to want all my kids to have their own initial because I find matching initials cheesey and often confusing. But, I now have 2 kids that start with an L and one that starts with a T. I decided it was more important to give my son our favorite name than for him to have an initial different from his sister. So, yes, your MIL might make a comment if you were to use Jasper, but in the end, will that matter? Same goes for Alexander. I know how difficult the mother and daughter in law relationship can be, but don’t dismiss names you love just to avoid following her footsteps.
I love Felix with Zane and Julian and kind of hope your hubby warms up to it. But if he doesn’t here’s more names I think bridge the Zane Julian gap nicely:
Dexter
Milo
Theodore
Xavier
Harris
Arlo
Redmond
Desmond
Cassius
Hugo
Orson
Rocco
On to the middle name: whether Aaron, Bronson or something different, I would definitely choose another meaningful name. A family name works great but if not something else that holds meaning to you. Maybe use Trace as a middle and hubby will give you a little more pull with the first name. If you’ve always wanted three kids I think Trace (or Trey) is a nice way to represent how he completes your family.
Good luck.
My mother-in-law made a VOMIT motion when we told her the (very traditional!) name we were thinking of for our daughter. And that was what cemented that name for me. It brings me a small wave of happiness when I think about it. Perhaps you could vex your MIL with Edmund?
You have a lot of other good suggestions, I actually like the slightly different (but compatible!) styles of the names of your first two sons. I think it leaves your choices wide open, as opposed to two matching names that would have painted you into a corner.
Can I throw a few more your way?
Levi – Zane, Julian, and Levi Smith.
Micah – Zane, Julian, and Micah Smith.
Victor- Zane, Julian, and Victor
So many choices. Good luck!!
Edmund Aaron!
Everybody wins.
Hubby has his first name honored, MIL choose this name in the first place for her son, and you & hubby LOVE EDMUND.
Zane, Julian, and Edmund…all distinguished and underused classics. You are brilliant namers (dispite it being a challenge); trust your instincts.
Best wishes! :)
I really like Felix Bryson or Calvin Bryson you. I feel like #3 should also have a family middle. And while you did give both elder boys a name from each side I don’t think it should show favoritism to use your family in the middle for #3… after all, all three will presumably carry your husband’s family surname.
Vote for Edmund! BUT… any interest in Edric?
Zane and Julian might seem far apart, but Zane and Jules seem very balanced. But it makes me want a sleek one syllable name for this one, too. Lex, maybe? Fox? Or Malcolm, nn Mal? Zane, Jules and Mal. Eh, I think I’d go with Zane, Jules and Mal.
Me, I’d go ahead with the Bryson. It’s a cool connection, it’s another smack on your MIL, and unless your husband is set on Aaron, why not? But that’s me, and I fully support your contrarian ways. Still- Lex Bryson sounds great to me.
I’m solidly on Team Felix! I think it fits perfectly/imperfectly with Zane and Julian :) Zane, Jules and Fe.
I’d also give baby a family name to match the older boys, and knowing that Bryson is a name passed down from Great Grandfather, to Grandfather, to him, might be something really special for him (and only him) to hold on to, especially being the youngest of three boys and in the midst of all that wonderful competitive energy!
So my picks would be:
Felix Bryson
Felix Aaron
Felix William
My younger son’s first name is Edmund (after my father), but we call him by his middle name because my brother also shares the name, and I wanted him to be able to use it if he ever had kids (he didn’t!). Half of my son’s friends (he’s now 24) call him Edmund!
Had we had a daughter, she would have been named Alice, after both of my husband’s grandmothers. When I shared that information with a friend, she said, “oh, how about Allison instead?” After that we never told anyone our names. It makes it harder for people to show dislike for a name when it’s attached to the adorable baby you’re holding.
Bryce came to my mind after you mentioned Trace, and then you have the Bryson tradition in your family! Bryce sounds like a terrific compromise on that end.
But my favorite of yours is Felix, because of the X in it along with the Z in Zander and the J in Julian. All high-scoring Scrabble letters. What about Quentin?
And I’m dittoing Xander. Or what about Xavier?
I feel like Quinn or Quentin would bridge the gap between Zane and Julien!
Other suggestions:
Hugh
Gus
Alec
Archer
Baxter
Beau
Britton !!! Love this one for you
I’ve just combed through the list of most popular boys names in 1925 and here are some names that may work well with Zane and Julian (Jules):
Francis
Lawrence (or Laurence)
Vincent
Russell
Warren
Leon (or Leonard… or maybe even Leander?)
Gilbert
Roger
Or maybe:
Nathan
Edgar
Daniel
(Side note: I just love the name Julian and if I ever have a son, this name will definitely be a front-runner on my list!)
I feel like Edmund is very buttoned up compared to Zane and Julien and it just doesn’t quite bridge the gap between them in my opinion. Zane kind of gives me this modern Wild West vibe while Julien feels tall, dark, and handsome; yet both names work well together and I can picture either on a baby, a teen, and an old man.
I think Leo would be a good fit. The O ending lends to a bit of playfulness and compliments Zane but it overall feels strong and sturdy like Julien.
Maxwell “Max” would also work well. The X ending is cool and edgy like the Z in Zane but it’s just as handsome as Julien.
I also think Gabriel would work well too.
I knew I wouldn’t be the first to suggest Casper! Perfect with siblings, and mixes Jasper with Calvin.
I want to throw another name I don’t think anyone is going to mention – Gavin. Gavin has a similar ruggish vibe as Zane but has an n ending like Julian. Gavin Bryson doesn’t sound great Gavin Bryce would. Ashton is is another name that is similar and might appeal to your husband due to it sounding similar to Aaron but not too much so (particularly if he goes by Ash most of the time). The final suggestion I want to throw out there is Beckham/Beckett. Sounds modern and ruggish like Zane but not too modern like Julian.
From your list, I like Felix best. I also think Gavin gives Zane and Julian a rockstar feel. Calvin and Wesley are also great choices, IMO. If your husband didn’t like Julian at first, maybe he’ll come around on Felix too.
From others’ suggestions, I like:
Edwin (I also thought of this as an Edmund alternative)
Silas
Leo
Nico
Tobias/Toby
Ezra
Blaise
Dexter!
Theodore/Theo (this also came to my mind)
Gabriel
Maxwell/Max
Wyatt
I’ll also suggest:
Eli/Elias
Desmond
Everett
Cody
Oscar
(I was going to suggest Elliot, but he’d share a name with the singer-songwriter who died by suicide…)