Hi,
I am hoping you can help resolve an ongoing struggle with my husband and I. We are expecting a boy in early October. We have been through over 20,000 names throughout our search, which began well before we ever conceived, and found only 1 we agreed on – Remington (nickname Remy). My husband is now on the fence about the name after we announced it to everyone. I agreed we could search again but I’m really at a loss as I doubt we will find anything better we both like. Here is the struggle:
Last name: pronounced like “Jocq” but most mispronounce it like “Jocks”
Names I like: Remington, Arlington, Merritt, and other surnames
Names he likes: Cassius, Roman, Maximus, and other gladiator or superhero sounding names
Ruled out due to last name: anything starting with a “B” or “J”, anything ending with a “ick”, “k”, “c”, or “x” or having a strong “x” or “ks” sound (exp. Jackson)
Ruled out due to commonness and use of it by relative: Logan, Sawyer, Harris, Harrison
Ruled out in general: Hunter, Archer, Gunnar, Lawson, Lucas, Atlas, Weston, Judge, Xander, Axel, anything ending in “son”, and basically all 1990’s classic names (and thousands more).
Ruled out by me: Anything ending with an “s” – due to common mispronunciation of last name, anything that has a 1990’s classic nickname (exp. Garrett’s common nickname is Gary)
Girl names we like: Riley, Scarlet (my parents met at Ohio State), IslaBackground: I am very education-oriented with an advanced degree and professional career. I have an atypical longer name that is relatively gender neutral. My husband is very “strength-oriented” with a law enforcement background (and several relatives in law enforcement and the military) and is really into weight training. He has a very common, single syllable name that is very masculine. The goal is to find something that reflects us both.
We originally agreed on Remington. I liked that it had an arguably law enforcement related background (the gun manufacturer) but also was a longer, formal name that a doctor or lawyer could use. It also has a cute nickname, Remy, which is both French and cultured (our last name is French), but also more casual for a less formal career. It has a southern flair and is more popular in the South. My husband originally liked the name as he associated Remington with Remi La Beau (aka Gambit from the comic books).
I like Merritt for similar reasons. It’s a less direct spelling of “merit” which is important in both the academic world and in law enforcement/military. It sounds masculine and southern to me but my husband isn’t a fan. It may be used as a second middle name.
I have agreed to the middle name of Dean, after a TV character my husband likes.
Goal:
– 2+ Syllables
– Nothing in the top 50.
– Strong but Ivy League sounding – can fit in a professional environment or blue collar.
– Southern flair to it (but not redneck)Good luck on this tough one!!!
If you and your husband have gone through 20,000 baby names and have found only one single name you agree on, I think the chances are very slim that I could make any useful name suggestions. Instead I will give more general advice.
It is possible that your husband is just having cold feet about the name and that there is no need to scramble back to the drawing board. Particularly when people put a LOT of work and effort into choosing a name, it can feel weird to have the choice made and the process over with. I think this can also happen when name work is done before there is a baby on the way: switching from theoretical mode to Actual Impending Baby Mode can give a person the urge to re-think everything. It’s possible all he needs is a chance to do that re-thinking, and that he will re-think his way back around to the original choice.
If the baby is not due until October, that means there is likely approximately half of this pregnancy remaining. That is a nice long amount of time to think things over. I suggest that at this point, you casually browse baby names but don’t drive yourself crazy over it. Give him the time and space he needs to think, and I hope it goes without saying that if he is the one who wants to reconsider the whole thing, he should be doing a lot of his own name-browsing.
The goal here is not to find a BETTER name that you both like; the goal is only to find MORE names that you both like. Even if you like the names significantly less than you like the name Remington, add them to the list if you agree on them.
I think you should tell everyone else that the name is no longer set: we do not want people ordering or making personalized baby gifts. I suggest not re-releasing the name choice until the baby is born, to avoid yanking people around any more than necessary.
Looking over your preferences, I suggest getting rid of as many as you can, bringing them back in only if you need them to reduce an overly-long list. When parents have a ton of names they both love and agree on, it can be helpful to use general preferences to narrow things down; when parents have literally only one name they agree on, it is time to get rid of filters such as syllable counts and popularity rankings. If the list then expands quite a bit, the filters can be brought back in to help make the final decision.
In fact, it looks to me as if you are in general asking too much from this name. I wonder if it would be helpful to completely shift the focus and look for a name that would be solid and useful to him, without tying it so strongly to his parents’ identities/priorities/backgrounds/interests? That is, all of those things CAN BE useful when choosing a name, of course they can—but the name can also be just a collection of letters and sounds we use to identify which person we’re talking about. We need something for him to write at the top of his coloring sheet in preschool; there is no need for the teacher to swirl the name like a fine wine, detecting notes of military and academia.
If you two were finding tons of names you agreed on, then it could be a lot of fun to find a name that was Southern and Ivy League and superhero and academic and French and law-enforcement-related and so forth—but in this case you’re really struggling and I think it’s time to remove some of the pressure and strip the task down to basics. Find something sensible he can use as a name; look for a collection of letters and sounds that appeals to your eyes and ears. I suggest letting the name reflect his parents’ tastes in names, and not trying as hard to make it also reflect their careers and educations and interests.
I 100% agree with swistle regarding putting to much pressure on the name itself to represent you and your husband’s lives/hobbies/jobs/etc. While your careers are important to you, they may have nothing to do with what your child wants for himself in the future. A sweet baby Remington could grow up to be a pacifistic artist, or a singer, or an army man. His interests may be totally unrelated to what you and your husband enjoy. Further, most people don’t name their kid’s so specifically to relate to their careers. While it can be fun to do it when it works (I have a friend with a baby Jasper and she is a geologist), when it becomes too much pressure it’s time to drop the requirement and just go with a pleasing name.
“There is no need for the teacher to swirl the name like a fine wine, detecting notes of military and academia.”
I’m dead. That’s the funniest name-related statement I’ve read in a very long while!
I think that Swistle gave excellent advice to simplify the criteria. I understand the impulse to want to find The Perfect Name, but this is not a branding exercise and there will be a million ways throughout your son’s life to impart your values beyond his name. Find a name that makes you both smile — that you can imagine feeling good calling across a playground or proud telling a stranger when asked what his name is. Ultimately, his name will reflect HIM and his values because most people in his life will know him separately from you. Give him a name that can grow with him, whoever he turns out to be, without focusing on finding a name that reflects who you two already are. Anything you like and agree on will already be saying more about you than you probably realize.
ITA with Swistle and previous comments. Your baby is not an extension of you/your interests/career choices. He will one day be is own individual who may or may not have these things in common with you. Loosen up some of the restrictions & your expectations-and I suspect you will find other names you both like and can agree on.
How about: Luke, Emmett, Samuel, Liam, Charlie, Leo, Fraser, William, Greyson, Austin, Philip, Gilbert, Crosby, Cameron, Andrew?
For some reason, the name Bennett jumped out for me, similar. I know you said no “B” due to last name but I wasn’t clear on why.
To me, Bennett could be a bookish kid/adult OR a tough, rough-and-tumble kid/adults. And you have the option of the nickname Ben if that suits your hubby more.
Probably because of the initials “BJ”. But I do love the name Bennett!
I assumed it was because of the initials (BJ).
LOL, jinx, Jessica! :)
I loved Bennett but my husband didn’t. He also doesn’t like the “BJ” initials. I also really liked Barrett since it’s his mother’s maiden name but, again, a no go.
BJ being a sexual reference, for anyone who hasn’t heard this euphemism
I think Remington is perfect and fits so much of what you’re looking for.
As for the name needing to fit so much criteria…it’s kind of like what they say about bikini bodies. If you have a body and you’re wearing a bikini, it’s a bikini body. If a boy named Sue becomes a police officer or joins the army, the name becomes a police officer or army name. I definitely understand having preferences and wanting a name to reflect taste and values, but as long as you give your son a name he can grow into (in any direction), he will. I think Remington is that name.
Although for what’s its worth, both Remington and Merritt strike me as very western. Maybe that’s the secret name genre you need to explore more? Something like “Literary Western?” Maybe Lawrence or Louis, Graham, Quentin, Whitaker, or the unexpectedly fun Maverick? Perhaps it’s just that there’s a lot of overlap between southern and western.
I would, however, shy away from using Arlington…I feel like while an honorable name, it’s a heavy burden to have the first association of your name be with a cemetery.
I think Maverick would be great!
It’s really great that Remington checks all the boxes that it does for you. But I agree with swistle that you should widen your search to include all names you two like. They may not check all the same boxes as Remington, but they may check different ones… and then you can decide which boxes are most important to be checked. (I suspect it’s the boxes you have listed and that Remington is your name. Cold feet is normal and I think this is a case of that.)
Your criteria is also very subjective. For me Remington is very associated with guns, to the point that I don’t associate it with academia at all. I’m certainly not saying your wrong, just pointing out that everyone views names differently so it’s kind of hard to make recommendations because how you view the name is what’s most important!
In my opinion my 2 week old’s name would work: Truman. With the Capote association I consider it a scholarly name. With the presidential association I consider it militaristic. It seems your husband likes comic books an we’ve made his name into a “super hero” name by singing nanananananana Tru-man to the tune of batman. But I’m sure lots of people hear Truman and it doesn’t check any of those boxes in their mind.
Last thought: add all names you guys love to the list and make a list of what the pros and cons are. This helped me realize what pros and cons were most important to us.
I like this one a lot.
This is a perfect post because when I think of Truman I think of two things. One – the movie The Truman Show and two – Truman Capote, who was well known for his distinctive, high-pitched voice, odd vocal mannerisms and his crazy dressing style. I don’t think of a single thing you mention above. As I don’t associate any of the author’s list with the name Remington. In fact to me, Remi is a girl’s name. And neither of you should care a whit about what I think as long as the name you pick is the name you love!
Remington is literally the perfect name for you. It has ‘law enforcement’ ties and I believe it sounds very studious too, like a president’s last name or something. Perhaps your husband is anxious about other aspects of the pregnancy and the aspect of becoming a new father and it’s manifesting itself into name anxiety.
I think you should do what Swistle suggested – casually browse other names, but keep thinking Remington is THE name.
PS. Remy is the cutest nickname ever – I am so in love with it!
I’m a well-educated woman and have an extensive law enforcement background and therefore I agree with the above poster in that Remington immediately made me think of guns. I think you will find that people may like or dislike the name because of their feelings about guns if they do associate the name with guns. I do think it fits your goals and would encourage you to use it if you both are on board with the name!
Here are some names I feel might interest you as I have a very similar naming style: (although I LOVE a lot of names that end in “son”!)
MARSHALL !!!!
(nod to law enforcement AND strong Ivy league sounding name, two syllables and sounds great with middle name!
WALKER
HOLDEN
BRADFORD
GRIFFIN
KENNEDY
CONRAD
CARVER
For what it’s worth, my husband and I agreed on only one name and that’s the name we went with and are so glad that we did!
I sooo agree that my biggest association with Remington is guns, and I pretty much would assume anyone who named their child Remington is super pro gun and into hunting/things people do with guns (I have never touched a gun if you can’t tell hahaha). That being said it is a name, and Remy is an adorable nickname. Just agree very much that my feelings on what the name reflects doesn’t quite match what you feel it reflects.
Also LOVE Marshall- such a good suggestion
Oh, Marshall is good, too.
I agree with Swistle but will give you a few suggestions just the same:
Why not just Remy? It’s a handsome sophisticated international name. I know two – one is an intellectual property attorney, the other runs a $1.5 billion business – so it’s plenty grownup/serious on it own. It’s one of my favorite boy names.
Rocco – super masculine, means battle cry, pronounced differently it’s a style of art and architecture.
Barrett – means bear strong and poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Garrison – barracks and Keillor (poet/ author/radio)
Sargent (or Sergent) – as military as it gets plus artist, founder of peace corps and famous publisher.
Loyal – just a great virtue name for boys, key trait for military (semper fi means loyal and true) and a theme common in literature. What I like best about Loyal is that it reflects all that is good about military/ law enforcement but none of the violence.
One more thought on Remington – in some parts of the country naming your kid after a gun manufacturer might be seen as a political statement (good to some, bad to others). I would steer away from Remington if you are not prepared to address this if asked by friends and strangers. I don’t think it’s a dealbreaker but just a watch out.
Swistle gave some great advice, as usual. I like the name Remington and hope you use it if it is number one with you and your spouse . I’ve met two little ones called Remy but both were girls.
Here are a few others that came to mind based on your preferences:
Dashiell
Phineas
Sullivan
Langston
Atticus
“There is no need for the teacher to swirl the name like a fine wine, detecting notes of military and academia.” <3 <3
Leland nn Lee?
Although honestly, if you want to go Ivy League sounding…you might want to take a look at this: http://gawker.com/5988377/blue-ivy-here-are-the-names-that-get-you-into-yaleor-keep-you-out
James. William. Thomas. Matthew. Nicholas. Benjamin. I’m sure it’ll be slightly different in 2036, but probably not hugely different.
Yes, this. For better or worse I’ve spent a lot of time around East Coast Ivy League circles due to my job and this holds. It also holds in terms of what the people from these elite networks are naming their kids now. Remington, with its unavoidable gun/branding/commercial associations, is not their flavor or taste. More common for their kids being born now, in my experience, are names like Philip, John, Leo, Penelope, Lewis/Louis/Louisa, Alexander, Frederick, Elsie, Eleanor, Clarissa (all real world examples, some I know several of), or else very culturally conservative but non-Western choices (Indian, Chinese, Russian, Persian, or Arab names, some of which cross over well into mainstream, others don’t but are still used). The only times I’ve heard English surname-type names in use in these networks, they have been either extremely popular/mainstream, like Harper, or else a family name, like Rowland. I’ve never encountered a name, as far as I can recall, with any kind of branding association, like Remington has so strongly. Not to further put you off the name–it’s just my observation. Could be very different in other parts of the country.
I think I see what you are doing. I am a total name nerd and I tried to make my kid’s names tick A LOT of boxes. I really think that this had a lot to do with anxiety and worries about the pregnancy. In other words at least naming was something that I could control. Not sure if that’s you or not but it’s a thought.
Regarding your requirements. I can’t hear the problem with some of them. Patrick Jocks sounds fine to me (ends in ick), Alec Jocks (ends in c), I do agree that an x name could be a tongue twister. Names ending in son sound ok but I understand if they aren’t your style. Why no 90’s classics? Some of the top 100 of the 90s translate very well and have that academic/law enforcement feel.
If it was me I would both sit down and make an independent list (I found it easier to use a small baby name book with fewer options than the internet, one time when unlimited choice is just distressing). Go through each others lists and choose the ones you like on any level and see where that takes you.
Also think through how you feel about your own name – have you ever wished that your name reflected your parents tastes/politics/careers?
My association with Remington is with the tv show starring Pierce Brosnan.
That’s my association too, Remington Steele!
Hmm, I actually just thought of something else that I had written in the “anti western expansion” post someone had submitted a few weeks ago. In that post, I stated that I felt uncomfortable that they (he) has such strong beliefs and was trying to put those beliefs on the child via a name. In no way do I think you are trying to do this in an extreme fashion, but since most people strongly associate Remington with guns, what if the child grow up to have strong anti-gun feelings? It’s just something that I would consider if I am naming a child a name that has strong associations with a controversial topic and/or something I personally have great like for (what if the child doesn’t?). I don’t know if this post makes any sense, but I guess I’m trying to say I do like the name Remington (and adore the nickname Remy) and it seems perfect for the criteria you’ve listed out, but I”d just caution against putting TOO much of your and your husband’s identity on to the child! Just my $.02!
Graham
Sullivan
Langston
Gideon
Tobin
A) I love Remington!
B) A former babysitter of my kids, 27 yo, dad & husband w/law enforcement/military backgrounds, she herself is college educated & works as a school psych, just had a baby boy & named him Remington, so there you go.
C) I am Old (45) but when I think of Remington I think of the 80s detective show Remington Steele w/ Pierce Brosnan which is a totally different association. :-)
Three more: Spencer, Landon and Truett
FWIW, it occurs to me that your husband is being quite a lot from his wish list for this child’s name already – the middle and, I assume, the family surname. Perhaps he should relent on this one and go with the one name you both seem to like/agree on.
I just want to pipe up and say that around my neck of the woods (Utah), Remy is all girl and Remington is all gun.
Also, I don’t think of Remington as high-brow in any way. For high-brow, I think of Bible classics and names that have a similar feel to Bible classics.
It sounds impossible to recommend anything you haven’t thought of already, but I loved some of the prior posters suggestions: Marshall, Truett, Landon, Langston, Gideon.
I would also recommend Wyatt and Leander.
I think Leander is a pretty perfect name here. It is definitely more high-brow sounding, but shortens to the very masculine Leo. Wyatt just works with the more hip western feel of some of the names that you like.
Good luck!
I’m all for Remy/Remi on it’s own. Such a great name!
What about Emil/Emile?
Really like Roman from you husband’s list. Damon?
Sterling, Connor or Beckett?
Although you said no B, I really like the sound of Benjamin Jocq.
Good luck!
Ooh, Sterling is awesome for this poster. Good thinking!
Wyatt, Carter, Levi, Eli or Micah?
Really like the sound of Wyatt Jocq!
What about Luca?
😀
100% agree with Swistle’s comments. Also, while I don’t dislike Remington as a name, where I live I would 100% assume he was named for the gun. To me that would be a deal breaker, but may not be to you. It’s a cute name, but I personally don’t love the gun association.
FWIW, I don’t think Remington would travel all that well internationally. So if you’re hoping he has a glittering jet set career and life you may wish to rethink! For me (uk/Australia) it brings to mind very strong brand associations o My – the guns, a consumer electricals company (their most well known product being the Remington Lady Shave!! Plus hairdryers and the like) plus a cognac brand (remy Martin)
Just my 2c
“There is no need for the teacher to swirl the name like a fine wine, detecting notes of military and academia.”
And this is why Swistle wins my heart, every time.
Like others, I love that Swistle has cut right through to the truth of the matter, which is that your child’s name does NOT need to spell out the details of both his parents’ careers!
I know I’m being a little redundant, but my conscience wouldn’t let me not chime in among those who’ve written that they can’t look past Remington’s strong gun association. Since this is one of your explicitly mentioned reasons for liking this name, it may not bother you that others will be repelled by it. However: Even if you’re okay with that, remember that he might not be–especially as he’ll be born into the middle of a major national discussion about it!
I think that’s worth keeping in mind, since it seems to be important to you that he be able to find acceptance in a wide range of career paths. There will be people who discriminate against him (subconsciously, in many cases) for this very fraught association. For me, avoiding that would be a higher priority than honoring his dad’s existing law-enforcement career.
Also, while the name surely COULD be worn by a doctor or lawyer (just like any name can, from John to Doogie), other than the fact that it’s English with three syllables, I don’t see anything that links it particularly to those or other prestige professions. Definitely nothing to outweigh or even match the gun association.
It IS a pretty name, however, and I think Remy is a great nickname. No chance your husband could come around on Merritt? That one has undiluted positive associations and sounds great with your last name!
One thought I keep having about your letter is that your last name is also a common first name, and you are planning on giving your son a first name that is often a last name. My husband has a first name that is a common last name and he says that the only saving grace for him is that our last name is also a very common last name, but even so folks often call him Mr. FirstName. Not a reason to not use the name, just another data point to be aware of.