Hi Swistle,
I am a longtime reader and I have always enjoyed your posts but never had any personal questions about naming babies (I don’t have any, don’t plan to for a while if ever!).
BUT. Twins run in my family, and I have always had this sort of hunch that if I do conceive children, I might have twins. And so sometimes I do think about how I would go about choosing twin names. I’ve never settled on any in particular, but then today, I was struck by a question I can’t get out of my head!
When someone has twins of the same sex (or any pair of twins where the names aren’t going to be assigned to the babies on the basis of their sex), how do you choose which twin gets which name?! Is it PURELY random? That seems…strange. But how do you decide, if it isn’t random?
Anyway, was just curious if you have thoughts about this or if other readers (perhaps those who have named twins) do?
Thanks so much!
Maya
Before we knew we were having a boy and a girl and therefore didn’t need to worry about which twin would get which of two names, I gave this issue a fair amount of thought. It seemed kind of fun to figure out which would be which but also kind of stressful/weird: I imagined looking at the twins later and realizing their names could easily have been the other way around. Or worse: thinking that the names would have been a better fit the other way around.
One way I considered was to look at the twins after they were born and then figure out which one looked/acted more like which name.
Another way I considered was to pick which order I preferred to say the names in, and then dole them out in that order: if I preferred “George and Oliver” to “Oliver and George,” then Baby A could be George and Baby B could be Oliver.
Or the names could be given in alphabetical order: that can also help other people remember the birth order, if there’s any advantage to that.
Another way is to imagine the babies were suddenly singletons and one would be born now and one in a couple of years: which name would we like to use first? Give that name to Baby A. But I didn’t like the way that implied Baby A was getting the preferred name.
Another way would be to go with what “felt right” for each baby. I definitely got a feeling for their little personalities while I was pregnant; whether or not those impressions turned out to be accurate, it would be a way to choose.
I also considered doing random chance: write the names on slips of paper and draw, or flip a coin. That gives the comforting feeling of allowing fate to decide.
A friend of mine had agreed before finding out she was having twins that a boy could be a junior. When she found out she was having twin boys, she could have figured it out by saying, “Okay, usually the firstborn boy is a junior, so in this case the firstborn twin boy will be the junior.” But she said she found that didn’t sit well with her: it seemed like giving too much specialness to one twin (this assumes that being a junior is a treat, but that is what this set of parents was indeed assuming). So they decided one twin would be the firstborn, and the other would be the junior.
Because of the way the babies are referred to as Baby A and Baby B throughout the pregnancy, some parents choose an A name for Baby A and a B name for Baby B.
If you’ve named same-sex twins or know someone who’s named same-sex twins, how was it decided which name would be given to which baby? Or, if you were having same-sex twins, how do you think you’d want to decide?
I think of the Bush twins. They are fraternal, so maybe their looks helped to set the names. Jenna looks like her dad and has her maternal Gma’s name. Barbara looks like her mom and has her paternal Gma’s name. I thought it worked out beautifully.
I have triplet girls (two identical, one fraternal). I had named them when I was pregnant. I gave the fraternal the name I liked best, and gave the identicals the names I thought would sound good as a pair. All of this was thrown out the window when I had an emergency c section at 31 weeks and my doctor didn’t remember which side baby A came from. I realized the next day that the fraternal had the wrong name, but I can’t imagine them having the names they were supposed to have. My fraternal is Farren Victoria, and the identicals are Whitley Olivia and Emerson Aurelia.
I have (bizarrely) given this a lot of thought, having been a child who was greatly interested in the fairness of alphabetical order, number of letters in a name, etc. (Anyone remember the episode of Frasier where it was mentioned that Niles was still bitter that Frasier was not only the oldest brother but also came first alphabetically?)
I always planned that, if faced with naming twins, the second born would get either the name that came alphabetically first, or the name that was a significant honor name (if we were using one). That way they would each have something to hold over the other’s head in a stupid argument (“well I’M older – I get to go first!” “Well I come first in the alphabet – I get to go first!”)
I’m a fraternal twin (2 girls). My name is C and hers is H. My parents didn’t find out the genders and just went in alphabetical order. Funny enough, H was supposed to be born first (and be C) but the doctor grabbed me first. There’s never been a competition about who’s name alphabetically came first to win an argument.
I never thought of this exact question, but I did think about the question for (primarily identical) twins where they may have been entirely accidentally and really inconsequentially switched at some point during the hospital stay (so that baby A is mislabeled baby B during the hearing tests for example) and then all of a sudden for the rest of baby A’s life she is baby B and and vice versa… I think about weird things.
I read an article about that exact thing happening. Adult twin sisters from Alaska got fingerprinted and realized they’d been going by the “wrong” names all their lives. At that point, though, is it really the wrong name any more?
I have identical twin girls! We chose their names but didn’t assign them before birth. Charlotte Antonia and Fiona Clementine. I wasn’t sure how we would end up assigning, but I figured we’d sort it out when they were here. As it turned out, my mom brought my oldest daughter (age 4) to visit an hour after they were born, and I was thrilled to have her assign the names. She informed us very matter of factly who was who, and the names fit perfectly, and I adore the sister-connection story they share :)
This is completely adorable!
I love this story, and their names. So sweet 💗
I can totally see my 4 yo doing that! What fantastic family lore.
We have fraternal triplet boys. We had one favorite boy name (my dad’s name), so we used that on the first one we found out was a boy. A few weeks later, we found out the other two were boys. My husband had been pushing Sebastian, but I was on the fence because I didn’t like Seb for a nickname. Baby A was always being a little turd on the ultrasounds (punching his brothers, sitting on their heads and kicking them, etc). So we decided we would name him Sebastian, nn Bash! That just left one baby to name. :) Sebastian James, Joseph Gerard, and Victor Matthew.
We knew we were having twin girls. Cora Beth was the name we would have used on their older brother had he been a girl. We chose Evelyn for the other twin. It always seemed natural that the first born would be Cora and the second Evelyn. But to make it a little more “even” we used Beth (after my sister) for Evelyn’s middle name and chose Lorraine (another honor name) for Cora’s middle. We knew baby A would be born first since she was breech. I briefly thought about their names being interchangeable because even now (they are 4) what legally differentiates them?
My name is Carly Beth! And my mom is Lorraine (which is my sisters middle name!) I love Cora Lorraine & Evelyn Beth!
That’s cool!
We picked out names for our fraternal twin girls before their birth, but didn’t assign them until we met them. The names we had picked out were Margaret (Maisie) and June. My husband ended up choosing which name went to which baby; one of the girls had a lighter complexion and hair and he declared that she looked “like a summer’s day” so she should be June. Margaret was our honor name, and it went to Baby B. Unlike some of the other commenters, I didn’t really give thought to saving something special for the “younger” twin, but I guess it ended up that way. We occasionally joke that we should switch their names around, but as soon as we named them it became unthinkable to change them, as they fit them so well.
My biggest fear was that the babies would look so alike that I would mix them up. Soon after they were born, they appeared with hats on their heads–one was all white, the other was white with a yellow stripe. We learned to keep the babies straight by who was wearing the striped hat, and as we got to know them, their names became associated with their hat for us.
So many parents of multiples commenting! I love it and kudos to everyone on some really beautiful names. I think if I had twins I would wait to see which one looked/felt like which name.
My boss has identical twin boys, and he said they decided ahead of time to name them alphabetically in the order they were born. My question about telling them apart involved a detailed response about the babies having slightly different head shapes…
Since my children were implanted with a twin, (both of which were lost by the confirmation ultrasound), this is something we considered. Generally, we were going with first and second born, since all 4 names were special to us. Actually, we had names picked out whether we’d have 1boy, 1 girl, 2 boys, or 2 girls. My daughter’s name is slightly less musical than she’d have had if she had a twin sister, since she got both of the names we wanted to use most. Honor names that mean a lot to us. We did think that if the younger twin was the spitting image of my mom (first name for the first girl), we’d have rearranged the names. As it turns out, my daughter is a blue-eyed version of Mom anyway.
I have boy/girl twins and we went into the pregnancy with a name picked for either a boy or a girl, and we ended up using both of those names.
Between finding out we were having twins and then learning their sexes, we came up with a second boy and second girl name, so we were ready no matter what. Had they been the same sex, we would most likely have used our first name on Baby A and the newer name on Baby B, much like naming siblings born years apart. We may have shifted middle names a little to more evenly balance honor names, but we loved all four of them, so I wouldn’t have felt bad about giving one twin a preferred name over another. If one name seemed to fit one baby in utero or shortly after birth, we may have switched, but probably not. I tend to experience the name and child growing together and the child coming to define the name, rather than being a perfect fit from birth. And we like to have lots of information, so we probably would have spent months already thinking of each baby as their chosen name.
I’m a twin – our naming story is always told very matter-of-factly (but also happily), as though it were obvious, that the little name went to the littler baby and the big name went to the bigger baby! I’m actually surprised that no one else took this route, b/c again, it’s always been told as though it were so obvious that this is how the names were supposed to be!
We did this — named by size. Our identical twin girls had a placental attachment issue that meant one was smaller than the other (and in danger during the pregnancy). Big twin had ⅔ and Little twin ⅓ of the placenta. (At 3.5yo, bigger twin is still a shoe size larger – what a difference placental attachment makes!).
Anyway, we knew our twins would be Dot (Dorothea Theresa Grace) and Bess (Elisabeth Adeline Glory), so it was obvious our little fighter was going to be Dot. The names just would not fit the other way around.
As a side note, the name Dot naturally led to us often using dots in her wardrobe, to clue friends in re who is who. If she’s wearing a dotty top, trousers, skirt, socks, or hair clip – 95% of the time it’s Dot. At this stage in life, she loves it – and if she grows out of it later, it served its purpose.
This doesn’t answer your question about choosing who gets which name, but one family I know solved the issue of alphabetical precedence by choosing names with nicknames that reverse the alphabetical order – think Catherine & Elizabeth known as Kate & Beth or Kit & Bess.
Of course, that still leaves the decision of who gets which name (in their case the oldest was the ‘Elizabeth’ equivalent am the younger was the ‘Catherine’ equivalent).
We picked Eleanor nn Nora and Beatrice nn Bea, so it only made sense that Baby B became Bea!
Love these twin names. My daughter is Eleanor nn Ellie.
Fascinating. I love this discussion and all the wonderful solutions!
I have identical twin boys. Only one name was picked before they were born (gender was a surprise). Once we agreed on two boy names we chose who was who by their personalities. Each name conjured something different for us and we chose the boy who most fit that idea for us.
My husband is an identical twin, and the second born. First born got dad’s (and grandpa’s) name, my husband got other grandpa’s name. My sister has identical twin girls, and she named them with the mix of baby A getting Aubrey, and also how it sounds when said together “Aubrey and Kayla”, for birth order.
My mother is a twin. The story goes that they were meant to be M and A but when they were born my grandmother had a horrible flu (and broken leg the poor woman) and could only say A and M so their names were switched. It worked out for the best, my mother is the gentler person and has a much gentler name.