Dear Swistle,
I am due with baby number 3, a boy, the first week of June. My husband and I have known what we would name him even before we found out I was pregnant, but we are now having serious second thoughts due to a potential nickname issue that just recently came to light.
Our first 2 children, one boy and one girl, are Colton and Hannah. We named them both with the thought that they would go by their full names, which is how we introduce them and how they are known amongst friends/teachers/teammates etc. However, over time they’ve both developed nicknames used mostly at home, but my husband and I and a few other family members almost exclusively call them Coley and Hannie— names we never would have planned in advance!
The name we’ve chosen for baby #3 is Emerson James. But it only just occurred to me that if we follow our past trend, we will likely end up calling him Emmy. The name itself doesn’t bother me so much. The problem I have is my association with the name. I have an estranged step sister named Emme (pronounced Emmy), who I’ve never been particularly fond of, and over the past 10-15 years has battled a drug addiction and spent time in and out of jail. My immediate family does not have a relationship with her whatsoever, but she’s the only Emme I know and the name feels very negative to me. I have never connected the name Emerson with Emmy until just recently when my daughter used that nickname for him.
I’m not concerned about what other people will think of the association. I’m more worried that I’ll regret or dislike his name over time because I associate the two. So my question for you is: is there a way to avoid the nickname altogether or should we start from scratch and find a new name for him?Thank you!
In general, I think the likelihood of the nickname Emmy would rest almost entirely on whether the Emerson in question were a girl or a boy. For a girl named Emerson, I would say I thought the chances of her being nicknamed Emmy could be quite high—high enough for me not to want to risk it if there were a very negative association with that sound. But for a boy named Emerson, I’d guess the chances of the nickname Emmy are much, much lower. Perhaps some parents of boys named Emerson, Emmett, etc., could weigh in on this.
However, in the case of your particular family, you have gone Colton/Coley and Hannah/Hannie without anticipating that you would do so, and now your daughter has started using the nickname Emmy for the baby before he’s even born. This tells us the chances in your family are different than the chances overall. That is, in general a parent naming a son Emerson probably doesn’t need to worry that people in general will default to the nickname Emmy—but in your particular family, it is not only a possibility but a strong likelihood. The only thing that comes to mind as a way to avoid this would be to come up with a different nickname ahead of time and start using it preventatively—but I’m not sure that would work, and I’m not sure what alternate nickname to suggest.
I can’t say whether it would make you regret or dislike his name over time; it’s possible it would instead erase the negative association with Emme/Emmy. But I too would be worried, and I don’t think it would be a bad idea to get out the baby name books as you’re thinking this over, in case you end up coming down on the side of choosing something else. If it is of any help at all, the name Greyson kept coming to mind as I was working on the post.
Name update:
Hi Swistle!
It’s nearly two years later and I’m finally getting around to sending a long overdue update.
After discussing the name conundrum many times over, we decided to stick with the original plan and named our little guy Emerson James. And guess what! The Emmy thing has been a total non-issue. As far as I know, nobody has ever called him Emmy. Just like his siblings, he mostly goes by his full name, but our close family often calls him Em-J, another completely unplanned nickname.
Thanks to you and your readers for your help, and for making me feel less like a crazy person for endlessly obsessing over finding the perfect name.
Call him Sonny!
That’s EXACTLY what I thought too!
Me too!
Yep. Definitely Sonny. Although Emmer came to mind too.
Isn’t this issue entirely in your control? Since you have evolved into using nicknames for your older two, proactively pick a nickname for Emerson that you like now. Whatever you like but Sonny, EJ, Emsy are possiblities.
Then start using Emerson and the preferred nickname interchangeably when talking about the baby. Your kids will latch onto the nickname you choose.
Love the NN Sonny! So cute.
You could even go Murray (from the “mer” in Emerson) which is old school but more boyish than Emmy.
I immediately thought of the nickname Murray, which is so cute I can hardly stand it. Coley, Hannie, and Murray.
I know a little boy named Emerson and his family does indeed refer to him as Emmy. It’s not just for girls!
Others have suggested some great alternatives for nicknames. I think your son & daughter will pick up on whatever you’re using. But I think you have think about how you’ll react if others instinctively call him Emmy (e.g. friends at school). It’s a great name, I hope you can find a way to make it work.
Sonny is one of my very favorite nicknames so I would steer my daughter in the direction of that nickname. But I do understand your hesitation. I would spend some time looking at other names. If no name measures up to Emerson, you find yourself liking other names but still mourning the loss of Emerson, then I’d say Emerson is meant to be. Or maybe something will jump out at you that you love just as much or more and doesn’t have the nickname worry. Either way, I think looking will make you feel better.
I think the biggest issue is that the nickname is not full time—if it was “Emerson called Sonny” that would be easier than “Emerson almost always Emerson but sometimes Sonny by close family.” It does make me think that he will be called Emmy, even if you try to suggest Sonny instead. I do think very quickly the association of the name Emmy would be more of your son and your step sister would be completely a distant secondary thought, but I don’t really know the complexity of the relationship.
Sonny and E.J. are good ideas for preventative nicknames.
Or there’s always going back to the drawing board.
I immediately thought Sonny, to me Emmy is more feminine. EJ would work also.
I sympathise with yòur situation though, a name I have always liked is now forever tainted by the fact that it’s the name of an estranged in-law.
My friend has an Emerson and they call him Em. But they also have a Payton they call Pay, so I’m not sure if the shorter nickname would help you.
I am big into rituals. I would do something to cleanse the name- something symbolic. Write it in the sand at the beach and let the waves wash it away as you say something over it. Then reclaim it. Or write it on something and smudge it.
Anyway, that’s me. I hope you can find a decision that brings you peace.
I agree that you could try out different nicknames now and see if one sticks. I know a toddler Emerson who calls himself “Emers” and it’s adorable. Sonny is also so sweet!
I do get a little tongue tied when I try to say Hannie and Emmy/ie together, so you could always playfully tell her you’re not going to call him Emmy because you don’t want to accidentally call her Hammie!
EMERS!! So cute!!
Emers is what I was coming in to suggest (or EJ). But I do suspect that you will default to Colie, Hannie, and Emmie, and if that is a problem, you should probably scrap it.
Emers is the best nickname!
I just called my son Kerry by his sister Susan’s name. Not even close, lol But then he calls _me_ Daddy or his teacher’s name regularly
I immediately though of EJ as a nickname. Or you could do the Sonny- Your family should know the story and understand why you don’t want Emmy and your husband could explain to him family that you have a sister by that name with a difficult relationship and I’m sure they would all understand. Or you could go with something totally different and call him Trey (3rd child) or Jim or Jamie from his middle name.
From the other comments mentioning usage of Emerson, I suspect this is likely regional, but at least where I live I know quite a few little girls named Emerson and no boys at all. A few of the girls go do by “Emmy.” From looking at the overall SSA naming database, it seems like my experience is an outlier (it looks like approx 60% female usage/40% male), but I would at least want to be warned if it was a name I was considering. (I’m sure there’s some way to look up male/female use by state, but I couldn’t find it.)
Agree. I only know it as a girl’s name. I would totally expect to see a girl if someone called out to Em or Emmy.
I think of you can find another option to love that I would consider doing so. I worry that the name is going to be tainted to you now that you have made the association in your mind.
Additional names that came to mind:
August (Auggie, Gus)
Grayson (Gray)
Sullivan (Sully)
Jude
Finnegan (Finn)
I have a 3 year old named Emmett and usually call him M&M or some random nickname that has nothing to do with Emmett. My grandma occasionally calls him Emmy but she’s the only one. Other family members have corrected her saying Emmy is a girl name. (Although it doesn’t bother me)
Alternatives to Emerson:
Augusten – Gus, Gussie, AJ if you keep James as the middle
Ellis / Ellison – Elly, Sonny, EJ (ditto)
Roland – Roly as in Roly-Poly, RJ
Morrison – Morrie, MJ – Emjay sort of sounds like pig-latin more than the other initials.
Tennyson – Tenny, TJ
Move James to the first name slot or use Jameson?
BTW, Emers is totes adorbs.
Ems or Emsie
Merzee.
But what about Ellison?
How about Emry/Emery as a nickname? Or is that too close to Emmy?
Without the negative association, I would probably use Em as the nickname in your situation–but with older siblings and a tradition of an -ie ending nicknames, I agree that Emmy will naturally result from trying to use Em as the nickname.
Luckily, you have a fantastic option in Emry/Emrie. It makes sense to include the R that’s in Emerson anyway, and if you explicitly use it instead of Em or Emmy, you should short circuit any default to Emmy. And it’s super cute!: Coley, Hannie, and Emry.
I think it is going to be difficult, in your particular case, to avoid the nickname Emmy. Especially now that your daughter is already using it too.
Unfortunately, as great a name as Emerson is, you’ll really need to go back to the drawing board if you don’t think you can live with that. I also have to admit that Emerson sounds all girl to me. It’s that Em sound I think.
What about Edison? Similar sound but with the nickname Eddy, or Sonny too which is super cute by the way.
Wilder nickname Wiley also came to mind. Colton and Wilder sound great together as brother names!
Love the suggestion of Roland nn Roly! I actually know a Ruben with the nn Ruby, and no one has ever mentioned that it’s a girl’s name! He is 6ft 5in though, ha ha!
What about Orlando nn Orly? It’s Orlando Bloom’s nn apparently.
Good luck!
Me, I’d go back to the drawing board. I think the similarity of the names is the kind of thing you can’t unhear, and it may raise unwanted questions/associations in other people’s minds.
It may have been perfect, but now it’s not. There are other names. Sullivan or Sawyeror Harrison, maybe?
A few people suggesting EJ from his initials but also could be MJ from the Em- syllable, if you don’t mind the association with the King of Pop.
But since Coley and Hannie are pretty cutesy, Emsey seems to fit well and to my ear sounds very distinct from Emmy.
If you’re Tolkein fans, you can call your young Hobbit Merry. It’s not too far a stretch, especially if he’s a cheerful soul. Granted, my own hobbits have definitely been hitting the Entdrafts again.
I have a little boy named Emerson and we mostly call him Em for short. I think I’m the only the one who calls him “Emmy” since he’s my baby boy and there is something endearing about it. Outside of our home I’ve heard people (adults and children alike) refer to him as Em, Ems, Emers, or Emerson. I think particularly because he’s a boy, people often avoid using Emmy as his nickname because it can sound a little more feminine.