Hi Swistle!
I am such a fan of your site, advice, and writing.
I am now pregnant with my first and stuck on a boy’s name. There are many girl’s names that my husband and I both like but boys names are harder for us.
If the baby were a girl, we would be in the neighbourhood of Vera, Eleanor, maybe Margot.
Some of the boys’ names we like are relatively classic but feel plain like William, Benjamin, maybe Leo.
My husband’s last name is Carruthers (spelled with an o in place of the u here) and my last name sounds like Hair-ick (spelled with an “rr” in please of the “ir”, and no hyphen).
For the longest time I’ve thought that my last name would make such a solid name for a boy. Nickname Harry possibilities, and paired with my husband’s Scottish/Irish sounding last name the combination of Hair-ick Carruthers sounds very proper.
However there are two issues with this.
One is that, well, my maiden name is still my last name. Although I always thought I would end up changing it, it felt weird-ish when we got married to just have a different name all of a sudden and the hassle of having to fill out so much paperwork from so many separate government offices wasn’t exactly enticing. If we did go with this name, would I probably have to change my last name?
Finally the harsh sound of going from the first name ending in ‘ick to beginning the last name with the hard “C” sound in Carr- might, I think, be problematic. I’m not sure but wanted your take on it.
My husband agrees that it would be a nice name for a boy but we’re both stuck on these two issues.
Appreciate your wisdom!
xx
Michelle
Oh, what an interesting question. I have mulled it over a bit and here is my own personal feeling about it, in two parts:
1. No, you would not have to change your own surname.
2. In fact, I think it makes it better if you don’t.
It may occasionally result in brief confusion—but, it seems to me, always FUN brief confusion, with a FUN (and easy) explanation. And I love the way it points out that your son’s name is your two surnames combined. It takes something I love (maiden names used as first names) and EMPHASIZES it.
The -ck/C- issue is fine with me. I find I pretty easily start putting a tiny pause in there, and also it feels like a minor and Worth It kind of issue.
Name update:
Hi Swistle!
I have a naming update for you from many millennia ago (3 years, ha). We were debating H@rrison or H@rrick (my last name), I made a little deal with myself that if the baby’s hair was dark I would name him H@rrick (my last name) and if his hair was light, I would name him H@rrison. I am a brunette and my husband is blonde, and he came out with a bunch of very light hair so H@rrison it was. It suits him and we call him Harry about 80% of the time.
THEN about two years later I shockingly got pregnant with boy/girl twins. I was IN LOVE with Harvey but Harry and Harvey is way too matchy to be in a sib set so I scrolled and scrolled looking for a boy’s name that could either end in a “-y” sound or be made into a “-y” nickname because I love nicknames. Finally I came across the name Sulliv@n and it felt magical, that was it for sure. Now the girl’s name. With two last-name names I wasn’t sure what to do and we went into the hospital with two names, Vada and M@eve. After about 24 hours my husband tried calling the baby Vada and it just felt wrong so M@eve it was. I love that they both have a V in their name but are in general pretty different sounding. Naming was the best part of being pregnant and I wish I could do it again! (but not that much ;)
I agree. In fact, I think I would feel Very Happy to run into a kid with his mother’s last name as their first. It makes the family connection obvious, as opposed to people who just use random surnames as first names for their children. You also mentioned the possibility of using Harry as a nickname. This would allow you the option of introducing him as Harry Carruthers if the situation was such that you didn’t feel like replying to questions/comments about his first name. Though I honestly can’t think of a reason when I would not want to explain that “his first name is my surname.”
The repeated “c” sound isn’t an issue.
Someone I know actually just did this two days ago. Her last name is Rider (but with a y) and she named her daughter Rider. While that name is not exactly my style for a boy or girl, I do think the whole thing is cool!
There would be no need to change your last name. It would just require a little shift of script I use for introducing myself to school and other official places. Instead of saying, Hi I am (first name) Hairik, Hairik Currothers’s mother, I would say I am Hairik Currother’s mother, First name Hairik.
As for the hard and soft sounds, I feel like it doesn’t feel like a problem to me.
The author Gillian Flynn did this! Her son’s name is Flynn. I’m always jealous of people who can do this. My last name…does not remotely work.
I did exactly this 20 years ago, and I was somewhat worried about it in the beginning. Honestly, it has never been an issue. Most people were really charmed that we used my family name as well as his father’s. I say go for it! The names lend themselves so well to being used together. The /k/ sound does blend a bit between the 2 names, but I don’t see that being a deal breaker, and the possible nickname Harry is perfect.
I am in agreement with Swistle and the other commenters about these issues: it’s not necessary (and would be sort of uncool) to change your maiden name, naming your son your maiden name would be awesome and fun to explain to people, and the -ick/Carr- transition is OK. I also wanted to add, though, as further encouragement with respect to the last issue, that the surname “Carruthers” is fairly common, which I think helps mitigate against the running-togetherness that might otherwise occur. The problem with first/last names that end/begin with the same sound is that they tend to mingle, such that it sounds like the name is “Harry Carruthers” or “Harr-ick Arruthers.” Well, (a) Harry is a cool name and might be his nickname anyway, and (b) Arruthers is not a name anyone has ever heard of, so I think people would dismiss it as a possibility. So the name is a GO! I hope you get a boy!
Reversed, but it reminds me of how on Sex and the City Miranda Hobbes and Steve Brady named their son Brady, and I’m pretty sure Steve never changed his name to Hobbes when they eventually were married. In case a fictional situation is helpful here :)
I LOVE THIS!!!
I agree with everything said so far. Both of the ‘issues’ seem like non-issues to me. It’s a great name, use it!
I just want to chime and share that my maiden name (which I moved to my middle name) is a traditonal boy’s name (but dated) and I always consider using it but I don’t love that his name would be my middle+last name (so like Alan Hopper and I am Holly Alan Hopper). So, all that is to say that even if you do change your name, you may still not love the situation! Ha. I didn’t love Hairick at first even just in the last 3 minutes it has grown on me – andHarry Carruthers is so great! So use it and don’t worry!
My middle name (B@ird) – a family surname I use as part of my name professionally, shows up on my email account, etc. – is my son’s first name. This hasn’t been a problem anywhere – if anything it helps people remember I am his mom, when our different last names may have led them astray (i.e. daycare).
We are considering giving a next son my last name (Wh!tmore) as a first name, and it’s still my family name. Clearly I am on team Go For It!
Yes, this!
I never changed my last name and it’s on our list for a boy or a girl first name
But also if we have twins we think we’d give one my last name and the other his
We’re “liberal millenials” who think really anything goes when naming kiddos these days
So! I don’t know if that helps but two cents :)
I love this question and all of the answers. I agree do it, do it! I rarely say my full name and my daughter’s first names in one sentence. I don’t share surnames with my kids, so there is that initial explanation at certain offices, but your explanation is so good! The tiny pause will make the butting CK sounds just fine, and like others have said, Harry could definitely be his nickname.
For balance sake, the only downside I could see is how you’d feel about naming a second son. It may never happen, you may have an awesome other name in your pocket, but something to consider. My first daughter got the most perfect family names honouring four lines of her heritage, so it made it really really hard to find a perfect name for her sister. Not a deal-breaker, but worth a quick thought. I still vote for Hairick Carruthers. I think I will be mad if you DON’T use it. So regal, so meaningful.
His nickname could be HUCK :-)
I love love love the name and agree with Swistle that you don’t have to change your name. One of my brother’s best friends from HS has a similar situation. He had his mother’s last/maiden name as his middle name, but he goes by a nickname of THAT name (the name was Bened1ct, he goes by Ben). It never seemed odd to me. It seemed like a nice connection. He also had 2 younger brothers who I think all had family surnames as middles.
I am kind of obsessed with this idea. I don’t think you need to change your name at all (so many other commenters have given great reasons, I don’t think I need to repeat any). As for the sound issue, I have a nephew with a similar-sounding name (think Zach Callahan) and it’s never been an issue. You just make a conscious pause between the first and last name, and it sounds just fine. Hope the support here has helped! Harry Carruthers sounds darling!
My cousin did this with her son. Her last name is Harrison, and that’s her son’s first name. He’s in high school now. He always uses the full name, and has never been Harry or another nickname. When they first named him I believe they thought if it was too odd they could go the route of using a nickname instead, but that never seemed necessary. They’ve had only the occasional mild confusion and many people who admire the name and its history.
My kids have a hyphenated last name that is their dad’s and mine both, otherwise we would have considered doing something like this too.
Like everyone else, I think you should go for it!
What everyone else said. Do it do it do it.
I have a friend named Kelly, which is also her mother’s last name, and it hasn’t been confusing. I agree that if you pick this name for your son, you should keep it for yourself, too.
The -ick Carr- thing seems to me unideal, but not a dealbreaker. Between the family connection and the fact that this is the only name you and your husband really like, i’d say go for it.
I LOVE this letter so much because I struggled with the same thing. I did not change my name upon marriage, and always kinda wanted to name a son my last name, but also sort of felt like I’d then end up changing my name. I ended up with two daughters, so never had the issue, but I love that there are so many comments supporting having your last name being the same as your son’s first. I honestly always thought that would never be an option. (My last name is C0leman.)
I’ll be the odd man out and say I would change my last name if I was using it as my son’s first name. This is because I always knew I wanted 3 kids. Part of the reason I changed my name when I got married is I wanted to share a last name with my future kids. I feel if I gave my last name to one kid it would connect our names but then future kids would lack that connection. I love the idea of passing on a maiden name as a first, and I also love when strong, independent women keep their surname… I just personally wouldn’t do both for fear of it making me seem less connected to future kids.
As for the first name ending in ck and the last name starting with some C, I’m certain if I met someone with such a name I would think nothing of it. That being said, our last name starts with C and we crossed Frederick off our list for that reason as the names blending together bugs me.
Let me end by saying I’m super super picky when picking names and don’t expect anyone to be as obsessive and crazy as me about names. I’m sure if I knew you in real life and you announced your son Hairick C I’d probably think it was adorable and not think about the issues because they were never brought to my attention. If the issues do bug you though, you could always do Harrison, which would be cool as it could symbolize him being your son and your last name being Hairick. Good luck.
Harrison is completely our next option! I didn’t want to add it to my note to swistle to incept the idea.
Thank you!!
I know someone who did this and she didn’t change her surname. I always thought it was a really nice link especially seeing as she was known by that name. He also always went by a nickname (Ben for Bennett) so it wasn’t obvious unless someone told you that he was Bennett not Benjamin.
I think it would be fine! I have a friend who did just this, her last name is Ridlee but spelled with an ey and she named her daughter that. It IS a nice connection, and one I am jealous of because I have a difficult last name for a first name! As for the hard k sound, I don’t really hear it AND if you end up calling him Harry it won’t even be an issue! Best of luck!
Such a great update, I love these names!
Wonderful update! I love the names you settled on.